This Week:
* ORGAN - Prince Charles loves pipes
* TAT - Mobile phone hip flask
* TUNE - Minor chords to major
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the webs
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | to make a website
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| about interesting webs"
B3ta email 563 - 18 Jan 2013
Read this issue whilst wanking on a sock:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue563
Sub : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Dom : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Pipes, Candles & P Diddy
>> Prince Charles Pipes <<
"Charlie loves a big organ," double entendres
Swede Mason. The more you listen to this track,
the weirder Charles sounds - and the more common
the next voice you hear, including your own.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Pipes
>> Candle puzzle <<
What happens when you burn the candle at both
ends? Any ideas? "A nice puzzle that you can
easily set up yourself with a candle and a few
bits and bobs," writes Nicholas Harrigan. This
level of infectious enthusiasm is impossible to
fake.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Candle_puzzle
>> P Diddy appreciates... <<
A sophisticated guy, Diddy deserves this
automated tumblr to document his varied tastes.
"Today P Diddy is appreciating something
delicious, but probably unlikely," informs
shardcore.
http://diddyappreciates.tumblr.com/post/40675279169
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: AMAZON TAT
The shit they sell and the reviews you write
* MOBILE PHONE FLASK - if you're an alcoholic
who wants to put a kick in your pint then why
not buy a flask in the style of an old Nokia
phone? Classy.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007MP01X2/b3ta-21
* COMMUNION WAFERS BOX OF 1,000 - this for the
trollish reviews, "These little beauties are
perfect for the dieter. Order several boxes of
Jesus, and He'll help you out with that
unsightly double chin, just as you prayed!"
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0805470859/b3ta-21
* PhD "LOLS" - Imagine the giggling oceanography
academics who got to name this book:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0444415742/b3ta-21
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Saying the unsayable
Last week we wanted to know when you'd been
forced to say what everyone thinks, but isn't
saying. Because you are all such gentle flowers:
http://b3ta.com/questions/sayingtheunsayable/
* "Careful Where You Stand" - "Bloke I used to
work with ponged a bit and, as the only other
man in the office, I was nominated to find a
quiet moment: 'Adam, sorry to say it, but your
feet really smell bad.' A:'I think that's my
trousers, actually.' 'Oh, right. Well your
trousers smell bad then.' A:'They would, I've
been wearing them for about a month.' 'Would you
consider changing them, then?' A:'Alright. I'll
wear a fresh pair tomorrow.' 'OK, good. Because
people have noticed and there's been a few
complaints from the girls. And it is fair
enough, to be honest.' A:'I don't really care
what the girls think. Some of them are quite
bitchy.' Me:'In what way?' A:'They keep saying I
smell.'" (SnowyTheRabbit)
* "A Message" - "I had a long train journey down
to London with the boyfriend. We'd just settled
down in our reserved seats when I started to
realise someone in the carriage had really bad
B.O. It was quite a quiet train and not wanting
to offend anybody, I wasn't sure how to suggest
to my boyfriend that I thought we should move as
it stank. I was sure he could smell the
offending odour. I hit upon a brainwave: I'll
write it on my phone and show him. I quickly
typed out, 'Stinks in here. Someone has bad B.O.
Shall we move carriages?' and showed him. This
is the point when he said in a rather loud voice
'BO?' (pronouncing it BO as in BO' Selecta)
'What's BO? Who has BO?', at which point I went
bright red and slid far, far down into my train
seat..." (tiddlywink)
* "Warning Sign" - "I quite like Coldplay. Whew,
it's a relief to finally get that off my chest."
(moon monkey)
>> This Week - SORRY <<
With Tesco taking out full page adverts to
apologise for selling us ponyburgers, now is the
time for us all to say Sorry. Write a letter of
apology to someone who deserves it here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/sorry/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Major scaled <<
Classic songs, digitally reworked from minor key
to major. Inappropriately cheery.
http://vimeo.com/majorscaledtv
>> The Cold War dollhouse <<
Marketed during the Cuban Missile Crisis of
1962, this children's toy has a slightly
heart-wrenching faithfulness to reality.
http://bit.ly/WmTi3m
>> Parcel for Mr. Assange <<
Interesting experiment - mailing a remote camera
to Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, documenting
every step of the journey. How many levels of
security does Assange's post have to pass
through? Will the camera make it to the man
himself?
http://archive.is/lIwe8
>> Game developers' hidden messages <<
Data hidden in the ROM of retro computer games;
like a time capsule of young programmers
bragging, birth announcements, complaints and
office gossip from 20 years ago. Genuinely
fascinating.
http://bit.ly/ZRkWuO
>> Death Row meals <<
Photographer recreates prisoners' final meals in
his apartment. Morbidly fascinating. Is there so
much fried food because it's comforting or
because you can finally stop worrying about your
cholesterol?
http://bit.ly/VluCd9
>> WTF Evolution? <<
Tumblr blog takes nature to task, with examples
of its questionable taste and competence. Yeah!
Stick it to the man!
http://wtfevolution.tumblr.com/
>> Waxy melt-groin tights <<
Pretty much what it says in the title; these
leggings make it look as if you're dripping wax
down your thighs. Fashion, huh?
http://bit.ly/ScC62G
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like TV but w/o the Julie Burchill lynch mob
* MOON HOAX REBUTTAL - Although the author has
no way of knowing if anyone has been to the
Moon, he knows that in 1969 they couldn't have
faked the video. Worth sticking around for the
final point at the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGXTF6bs1IU
* EXTREME SPORTS KITTENS - GoPro seem quite
voguish at the moment; a sports camera that can
be attached to anything. Last week it was a
trombone and this week it's playing with
kittens. Now stick one on your tummy and film a
FPS where the weapon is a penis.
http://bit.ly/Vb4BQy
* LIVE-ACTION SHOT-BY-SHOT RECREATION OF TOY
STORY - simply extraordinary level of work and
what a way to really get a hang of film making.
(We recommend 17:30 as a timestamp.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G0j_Huv2Fg
* I'M A DOG AND I LIKE SOCKS - metal and
ridiculous lyrics - reminds us of something
Andrew WK might have written.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Im_a_dog_and_I_like_socks
* TRUST FAIL - fall and I'll catch you. Oh.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Trust_Fall
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: FRIDAY GAME
Physics Pacman
Wouldn't normally link to a downloady game but
the idea is so neat - a version of Pacman where
you rotate the maze and drop him onto the
ghosts. Watch the video:
http://stabyourself.net/notpacman/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the British Empire Challenge
Last week we wanted you to imagine that Britain
still had a vast, important Empire.
Your favourites included:
* DADDY: fat wrestler causes havoc in
meme-collision frenzy (barryheadwound)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10906695
* FILM: spectacular Britishness dominates Los
Angeles skyline (alpaca)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10906767
* LINGO: handy guide for foreigns touring the
realm. Toodle Pip! (daveyclayton)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10906703
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/empire/
>> New challenge: Gay Robots <<
This week's challenge is a two word challenge
celebrating one thing: Gay Robots. Go wild.
Challenge suggested by mictoboy.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/gay-robots/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* HELMSDEEP EAR-UPDATE - The latest on b3tan
Helmsdeep's cochlear implant: "I'm hearing lots
more stuff, but I'm having trouble understanding
it in the way I used to... which is complicated."
http://wlmager.com/two-steps/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If you
are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* UKSNOT - Why should #uksnow have all the
action? Build us a system to track rhinovirus
infections across the UK by getting people to
tweet their current #uksnot levels. Make maps
with green goop over them.
* A 25TH HOUR - One more hour a day would mean a
happier newsletter team.
* CLOTHES THAT NEVER NEED WASHING - isn't
washing a bore?
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Pinches: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Punches: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by ed siteman,
mr___benn, ben dadds, @jongomm, @WightHot,
@Matt_Muir, @mattround, @tomroyal, @area,
executiverocker, The Scrunt. Image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top
tip via NoStrings.
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TOP TIP:
Make your own spider by gluing pubes to a raisin.
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