Vol 681 - March. 30, 2008 - You May Be From Canada If…

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

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Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Sports" Quotes:

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to Prison for three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - You May Be From Canada If…

You May Be From Canada If…

You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."

You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You know what a touque is.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".

Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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AMAZING TWISTERS AND TORNADOS! - 1 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/135921.html

PAKISTANI ARMY TRAINING HIGH KICK! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136077.html

STRANGE JIFFY LUBE SIGN - WE'RE NUMBER 1! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/136211.html

STRANGE HORSE/ZEBRA COLT GETS NASTY - KICKS UP HEELS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/136358.html

YOUR "LIFE" - REDUCED TO A SINGLE SHEET OF PAPER! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136360.html

STRANGE CLOUDS - AMAZING DOWNDRAFT! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136365.html

STRANGE SPEED LIMIT - 80 KM PER HOUR ON THIS NARROW COUNTRY LANE? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/136367.html

COOL OPTICAL ILLUSION - HOW MANY ANIMALS? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136372.html

AMAZING SUNSET - LOADED AIR CRAFT CARRIER DECK - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/136373.html

STRANGE DAD TATTOO'S FAMILY WOMEN ON HIS BACK! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/136409.html

STRANGE LITTLE SNOWPLOW WITH SNO-TRACKS - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/136474.html

STRANGE F-1 RACER - 4 FRONT WHEELS!!!!!! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136483.html

ARAB AIRLINES CREW WRECK NEW A340-600 AT TOULOUSE FRANCE - 1 - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/136556.html

WWII - SOVIET T-34/85 MEDIUM TANK - 1 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136568.html

RIOT SQUAD SPARES NO PRISONERS - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/136572.html

A 'REAL' CROTCH ROCKET - STRANGE MOTORCYCLE! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/136573.html

LET DAD BABYSIT JUNIOR - HE'S GOT A SOFT TOUCH! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136574.html

STRANGE 'KING OF BLING' - LOTS OF GOLD! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/136576.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - TOMBSTONES - DEATH - Caskets - Funerals

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100331_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Yogi Berra's Commencement Address at St Louis University - 2007 - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/136541.html

The Trip to Rome, The Pope and the Mouthy Hairdresser - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136542.html

Armed Police Raid Old Folks Home - Arrest 75 Yr Old "Cowboy" w/ Plastic Gun - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/136565.html

Convicted Child Molester Claims He Was A Victim of Bigfoot - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136566.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE TOMBSTONES - DEATH - Caskets - Funerals

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

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Vol 680 - March 27, 2008 - Strange Fallacies

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats." Howard Aiken

"He who stops being better stops being good." Oliver Cromwell

"Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone." Rodney Dangerfield

"Crime is the soul of lust. What would pleasure be if it were not accompanied by crime? It is not the object of debauchery that excites us, rather the idea of evil." Marquis de Sade

"Good management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them." Paul Hawken

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Fallacies

So much of what we take for granted as being true, upon greater scrutiny, ends up being just plain false. Collected here are some of our favorite punctured myths, misinformation and fallacies.

Sauerkraut didn't originate in Germany as many people mistakenly believe. It got its start in China about 1,000 years before it became popular in Germany.

Lenin wasn't Lenin's real name. It was one of 151 pseudonyms Vladimir Ilyich Ulanov used during his lifetime.

Venetian blinds were invented in Japan, not Venice.

It might surprise you to find out men are far more likely to be moved to tears by music than women.

Most precious gems are actually colorless. Their color comes from impurities in the stone that act as pigmenting agents.

Short Line, of Monopoly fame, wasn't actually a railroad. It was a bus company.

The London Bridge has never fallen down.

Those who do public speaking don't stand behind a podium. They stand behind a lectern. A podium is the platform or stage on which a speaker stands.

Smokey the Bear didn't always have that famous name. Originally, he was Hot Foot Teddy.

Although people think otherwise, a newborn baby can't shed tears.

The Douglas Fir isn't a fir—it's a pine tree.

Buttermilk doesn't contain butter.

It's widely believed that Orville Wright became the first person to be killed in a plane crash. Actually, on September 17, 1908, U.S. Army Signal Corps lieutenant Thomas E. Selfridge became the first when he and Orville fell from the sky in Wright's airplane at Fort Meyer, Virginia.

Tennessee Williams wasn't born in Tennessee. He was born in Columbus, Mississippi.

Shooting stars aren't stars, of course. They're meteors.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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AFRICAN ELAND WITH BIRD ON HIS FOREHEAD! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/135850.html

GIANT PANDA UP IN A TREE - THAT CAN'T BE COMFORTABLE! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/135938.html

RUSSIAN MILITARY JET - AIRSHOW DEMO - 2 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136142.html

FAST FOOD FARCE - THE PICTURE vs. THE REAL THING! - TACO BELL NACHOS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136195.html

BOW & ARROW FISHING - I'D FISH WITH HER ANYTIME! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/136356.html

STRANGE STREAMLINED VOLVO BICYCLE/MOTORCYCLE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/136357.html

STRANGE BLONDES - 'DRIVING' MISS DIZZY or DRIVING ME CRAZY! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/136362.html

STRANGE DANGERS - HIPPO WITH GAPPING MOUTH! TURN AROUND FOOL! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/136364.html

STRANGE OLDE PIXS - GULF MECHANIC FIXES LADIES TIRE - LATE 1930'S - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/136366.html

AMAZING RICH MANS DOG HOUSE - IT'S A SPANISH STYLE PALACE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136377.html

THE STRANGE OSCAR MAYER "WEINERMOBILE" - FRONT - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/136386.html

STRANGE PEOPLE - LADIES TRY OUT JACK HAMMERS! NOW THAT'S VIBRATION! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136394.html

WWII RADAR INSTALLATIONS AND EQUIPMENT - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/136405.html

POPPA DOG GIVING HIS YOUNG SON SOME ADVICE ABOUT CATS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/136428.html

AMAZING PIX - ATLANTA TORNADO - MARCH 15, 2008 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136438.html

STRANGE MAILBOXES - BUZZARD! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/136441.html

STRANGE MAILBOXES - COMPLETE LIGHTHOUSE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136450.html

BRIDGES COLLAPSE! - HEAVY TRUCK TOO MUCH WEIGHT FOR OLD METAL SPAN! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/136536.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - STRANGE TOYS - Ad Campaigns & Products

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/33_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

How to Speak "Goomba Italiano" - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/136537.html

The Top 17 Bumper Stickers that Everyone Wants to See - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136538.html

Strange Remedies - BeeSting? Tape on a Penny! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136539.html

2 Men and a Woman Apply for an FBI Job - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136540.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE TOYS - Ad Campaigns & Products

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 679 - March 24, 2008 - You Know you're Old When..

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes from England

Jon Snow : "In a sense, Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't it?"
Expert : "Er, yes." (Channel 4 News)

"If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal."
(Jimmy Hill -- BBC)

"Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussey -- four very different names." (Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3)

"Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily." (Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine)

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." (Metro Radio Sports Commentary)

Listener : "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."
Simon Fanshawe : "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?"
(Talk Radio)

Interviewer : "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?"
15-year-old : "No, they both ran into each other at the same time."
(BBC Radio 4)

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - You Know you're Old When..

- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
- You can eat dinner at 4:00
- You can live without sex but not without glasses.
- You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
- You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
- You got cable for the weather channel.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- You send money to PBS.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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AMAZING BUDDHIST MONKS CREATE HUGE SAND ART DISPLAY - 11 - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/135790.html

AMAZING TWSTERS AND TORNADOS! - 2 - TWIN WATERSPOUTS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/135920.html

BABY TURTLES - GIVE ME A HIGH FIVE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136057.html

THE EVOLUTION AND COST OF COMPUTER MEMORY! - AMAZING! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136126.html

STRANGE TREE - LOOKS LIKE A BIG MUSHROOM! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136182.html

POLICEMAN TO IDIOT LAWYER: ...BEST COMEBACK RESPONSE OF THE YEAR ??? - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/136252.html

RICK MONDAY SAVES THE AMERICAN FLAG 1976 - TOP 100 BASEBALL PLAYS IN HISTORY - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/136298.html

STRANGE"PEEP SHOW" POLE DANCING BUNNIES & CHICKS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/136304.html

JOHN F KENNEDY MEETS THE POPE - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/136338.html

STRANGE TREE HARVESTING MACHINE - IT LOOKS LIKE AN INSECT! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/136345.html

STRANGE 'JESUS' CAR - COVERED WITH RELIGIOUS ITEMS AND TEXT - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/136346.html

STRANGE OLD MAGAZINE AD - LYSOL LOVE-QUIZ - FEMININE HYGIENE PROBLEMS? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136350.html

US AIR FORCE CARGO PLANE WITH SNOW SKIDS - VISIT THE PENGUINS - ANTARCTIC FLY IN - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/136351.html

STRANGE TOYS - ATOMIC BOMB EXPERIMENT KIT - NUKE THE NEIGHBORHOOD! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136352.html

STRANGE BLONDE SOCCER - HARD CORE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136353.html

BICYCLE COPS 'ESCORT' KENYAN MARATHON RUNNER THROUGH NEIGHBORHOOD - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/136354.html

STRANGE 'CAR' COVERED CAR! - TINY LITTLE MATCHBOX CARS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136359.html

STRANGE 'NIGHT' PICTURE OF THE EART FROM SPACE - AMAZING LIGHTS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/136361.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - MISC. - Strange - Moronic - Goofy - Silly

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/8_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

New Words - New Definitions - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/106434.html

New Medications for Women Only - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/105865.html

Strange Laws - US & Around the World - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/105775.html

Strange Definitions - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/105994.html

Strange "Rage" Incidents Around The World - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/106285.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - MISC. - Strange - Moronic - Goofy - Silly

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/121_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "We shagged Paul McCartney and all we got was this lousy newsletter"

This Week:
* ANIMATION - Tasty, tasty electricity
* SHATNER - 'shop trek for his birthday
* FAGS - lovely QOTW on smoking

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________ ____ __ ___
___/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Lady Madonna,
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | children at
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| her foot..."

B3ta email 320 - 20 Mar 2008
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue320/

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Big Money Compo

Design the new Emporio Armani ad & win 10,000
euros. What, you were going to spend Easter in
church?
http://tinyurl.com/25mzr5

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Stop motion bollocks and whale vote rigging

>> Electricitasty <<
Rob and newsletter Dave have extended their
stop-motion skills from cutting up bits of
paper ("like an old episode of Why Don't You",
according to one J Veitch) and discovered how
to bring inanimate objects to life using the
power of black magic and "er, a plug, pipe
cleaners, bits of wire, a torch, washers,
some old buttons, and a few bits of card and
printouts when we didn't have the right props."
It's a safety information film. Sort of.
http://www.comedybox.tv/comic-video-mr+pitchy-11255

>> Sorry son, you're booked <<
New member Matt42 (so new he's still got his L
plates) has also been exploring the dark arts
of stop motion. "I hand-drew each frame", he
boasts, "There's just over 1000 drawings, Then
with spray mount stuck each page in the book,
photographed it peeled it out and repeated.
Photographing it took around 12 hours. Drawing
over 20 hours." Blimey, well it's a great style
and amusing pay off.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/stop_start_animation

>> Mr Splashy Pants confession <<
A few months back Greenpeace created a big stir
by holding a poll to name a whale and the
internet choosing Mr Splashy Pants. Everyone
and their dog has claimed credit, including
this b3ta member. The plot thickens, thins, or
something like that. Enjoyed the blog anyway.
http://snipurl.com/mrsplashycunts

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Guilty Pleasures - part 2

Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
and lies into one handy place on the interweb.

Last week we re-opened the fantastic Guilty
Pleasures question. Go read a whole new collection
of the embarrassing things people like to do:
http://b3ta.com/questions/guiltypleasures2/

* CEREBRAL CROSSWIRING - "I'm a synaesthetic,
which means the sensory receptors in my brain
are cross-wired so that I feel sounds, smell
tastes and hear sensations etc. Many people
experience this to some minor degree (you feel
that Wednesdays are purple, for example) but
I'm a medically-certified sufferer. It was most
extreme when I was a kid, and it allowed me
more than a few secret pleasures. Listening to
ABC's "The Look of Love" generated a powerful
sensation of chocolate in my mouth, while
eating actual chocolate altered my vision in
much the same way as LSD. If I ran my hand over
the cat, I'd hear birdsong. It was fun
experimenting. The best experience of those
times was my brief relationship with Deborah de
Angelo. The phonetics of her name brought
whisky to my tongue; her blonde hair made me
hear cellos; her green cardigan caused a raging
boner, and the sensation of her busy mouth upon
my swollen helmet made me taste a full English
breakfast. Those days are over. With
medication, my only pleasure these days is
retiring to bed with a cowbell, mint humbugs
and Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart" - all of
which in combination, conspire to bring about
the sensation of a hamster up my anus."
(frankspencer)

* SUPERMARKET TROLLEY GLIDING - "Everyone does
this. But earlier today doing the big shop for
the week, I launched into a trolley glide just
as someone else who, like me, is old enough to
know better, launched into a trolley glide
coming towards me. We didn't say anything, just
nodded in mutual recognition as we glided past
each other. Brilliant." (gordonjcp)

* HOT SEAT - "What do I do for fun? I turn on
the heated passenger seat in the car and slowly
up the control as the wife gets more and more
uncomfortable. Keeps me happy for hours - she
still hasn't sussed it. I don't know why she is
still married to me to be honest." (conanow)

>> This Week's Question <<
Can you remember your first cigarette? Talk to
us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/smoking/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Science tattoos <<
Tattoos are a bit so what, but these
idiosyncratic examples might give you a few
ideas. Personally we've got Sir Clive Sinclairs
inked on our cocks. Not impressed? He's
fucking life-sized.
http://carlzimmer.typepad.com/sciencetattoo/

>> Cunt tree kitchenware <<
Iridium witters, "I was looking at your Amazon
link to the biro, and one of the 'Things Other
Customers Bought' thumbnails caught my eye.
Is it me or does this look sort of, erm,
wrong?" We don't know, Iridium. Do you think
the sweet, pure love between a man and a tree
is wrong too?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000LPS6QE/b3ta-21

>> Men's health forum hissing <<
Meet Clive, a rather queer cove, who's obsessed
with his own and other men's muscles. His hissy
fit about the state of Daniel Craig's bulges
beggars belief. From the look of the floral
wallpaper in the piccy, we think Clive lives at
home with his mummy.
http://www.menshealth.co.uk/chatroom/topic/314239?startnum=1

>> Who lives in a house like this? <<
A. Andrew Lloyd Webber
B. Elton John
C. Sting
http://snipurl.com/lloydgrossmanasks

>> I want to live like comic people <<
Some people say the mark of a great song is
whether it still works when played with just a
voice and a guitar, we say pah! The true test
of genius is when you can put the words in
1950s archive comic strip and they still work a
treat, Props to black-toothed Jarvis for a
true classic.
http://www.the-isb.com/?p=308

>> Return of Reflectoporn <<
Horrid, horrid, horrid, but we still managed to
crank one out.
http://snipurl.com/mum-is-that-you

>> Crap art <<
"In response to your link to Mark Chaffer's
brilliant web design last week", blurts
rocket.potato, "I give you this. Big Craigie's
Digitart. I especially like the picture of his
dog in the Personal category and the picture of
him with Louise Redknapp in the Fantasy
category." ZOMG, bad arts r0x0rs.
http://www.digitart.freeserve.co.uk/

>> Wax your beard <<
There's nothing like a bit of hot wax to remove
the pant moustache, but a man-beard is made a
sterner stuff. The things people do in the name
of web-lols, ouchy, ouchy ouch ouch.
http://widelec.org/depilacja_brody,id,1792.html

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Daily Coyote

"This is pretty fucking cute," cusses The
Spelling Police, "and I think you should put it
in your newsletter." WIKIFACT: The E in Wile E
Coyote was ret-conned in a 1975 comic to
Ethelbert. The after-the-event shoe-horning
twats! They ruined the lore!
http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Fodder for the next C4 internet lols show

>> Muppets on meth <<
Enjoying this guide to metal from a load of
fluffy fucktards, and buried underneath all the
swearing is a nice little joke: all metal
sounds the bloody same. Looks like a clip for a
new TV show.
http://snipurl.com/sockandroll

>> Wicker man Bungle <<
Caught this extract from the untransmitted 1972
pilot for kids' TV favourite, Rainbow. Bungle
looks terrifying, like an extra from the Wicker
man, the music is a progtastic madrigal and
zippy has a harelip. Do not watch this under
the influence of drugs. BTW: Look Around You
fans might notice the singer's uncanny
resemblance to that show's Robert Popper.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mutant_Zippy_and_Bungle

>> Hacking, 1980s style <<
Before goatseing became a national sport,
micro-pranksters got their kicks from winding
up spoddish TV presenters on on the BBC. Big
prizes to anyone who can Rickroll Terry Wogan
on the next Children in Need.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/First_on_screen_hacking

>> Wind powered cardboard Rhino <<
Theo Jansen makes kinetic sculptures out of
common everyday things. All his works can be
powered by wind, here's a video of one of his
neatest works called Animaris Rhinoceros. And
to the webtards asking for Star Wars Imperial
Walker we say FUCK YEAH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2KkGFuRLew&feature=related

>> Minesweeper the Movie trailer <<
"Surely a winner for the newsletter?", asks
Count Mrakula, "It's genius!" Yep, it's not
bad, and we also look forward to Tetris the
opera.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHY8NKj3RKs

>> His master's robot arm <<
There's something slightly depressing about
this clip. Yes, the dog is cute and the
contraption is clever. But where's the owner?
Has he died? Will Mr Woofy be playing fetch
until he too shuffles off this mortal coil?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Jerry_needs_no_help_playing_ball

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Still incorporating shit logo weekly

BEST LAWYER NAME EVAH!!!111 - we're planning to
hire Sue Yoo at B3ta towers to deal with all
our haters. *waves at Prince*
http://snipurl.com/wolfram-and-hart

MORE RUBBISH LOGOS - God_of_the_mind prattles,
"Whilst perusing over your latest edition of
your fine newsletter, your rubbish logo section
reminded me to send you something I saw on the
side of a bus whilst strolling through Rome.
Tempting you on board with the promise of bum
sex. Needless to say, I saw this and thought of
you." We're not quite sure how to take that...
http://www.b3tards.com/u/fc90320bd1ad9d17f805/pict2491.jpg

BONUS HEADLINE OF THE WEEK - "Woman Goes for
Leg Operation, Gets New Anus Instead" - it
doesn't get better than this.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,339270,00.html

-------------------------------------------------

: NEWSLETTER EXTRA
There's a hole in my cock that lets the tears out

Your newsletter team's loving tribute to William
Shatner AND wanking was meant to be bigged-up
last week, but we had upload issues. But PLEASE
CLICK IT, it took us fucking ages and we did it
without Photoshop, only using inky print-outs.
Anyway, it's a lovely, lovely song about how
men deal with the loss of someone they care about.
http://www.comedybox.tv/comic-video-mr+pitchy-11237

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Graphs Challenge

Last week we wanted you to tell us a truth
using the magic of graphs.

Your favourites included:

* EQUALISER - the lights fantastic (biovalve)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8168537

* G'RAFF - literally quite good (Sir Sand
Goblin)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8168146

* ANIMALS - be sure to clicky for biggy
(Afinkawan)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8180581

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/graphs/

>> New challenge: Star Trek <<
It's big Bill Shatner's birthday - he'll be 77
on 22 March - and, despite a brilliant career as
actor and singer, he's never topped the series
that made his name: Star Trek. So 'shop the
Trek. For William.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/star_trek/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* UNSINKABLE POO - Our inbox is thoroughly
backed-up with suggestions on how to create a
perpetually-floating stool.

"It may not make your wee fizzy, but drinking
about 2 litres of carbonated water a day
definitely makes your poo float. Try it!" urges
Krang.

However, the massed b3ta hordes believe that
fat and cholesterol are the magic ingredients
for floaty bobbins. However, "floating stools
are also what we call 'offensive smelling' in
the profession. Steatorrhoea is the technical
term," informs witty_ditty. "You won't just be
saying 'you'd better give it 10 minutes',
you'll be leaving it for at least an hour..."

"Now the clever bit," continues Jason, in much
the same vein. "Enough cholesterol, you get
gallstones, which can block your bile duct and
prevent the bile salts getting into your bowel.
Bile salts help you digest fat, so without it
getting into your bowel, the fat stays in the
stool, increasing its buoyancy hugely. Seems
like a long way to go to get in the newsletter,
but there's probably someone out there."

"As a child I used to eat polystyrene,"
confesses a forlorn RoarBerries "That did the
trick, annoyed my mum something awful."

* MORE HUMAN BLACK PUDDINGS - "Black pudding
with your own blood?" sneers Typescape Tony.
"These guys did it years ago. They got kicked
out of New York's MOMA for frying it live,
too..." http://www.beaglesramsay.co.uk/blackpudding.html

* ORIGAMI CAT NOT ORIGAMI - A shocking error in
last week's newsletter led to us labelling the
DIY ceiling cat as origami. "If it involves
cutting it's kirigami," snips randall bart.
Never fear, the b3ta fact checker has been
soundly whipped. Such errors will not be
tolerated.


* VAGINA SCULPTURE - A few months ago we
featured a plaster cast of b3tard Emily
Dubberley's lady minge. "Here's the follow-up,"
she gleefully crows. Blimey. For this one she
got the help of her boyfriend - a man who must
have quite remarkable powers of concentration
to stay like that while being slathered in
layers of plaster. Hmm. Mind you, put like
that, perhaps not.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=722542&id=568577287

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Pattern matching

"Here's a painfully addictive game for you to
subject your readers to," informs heilbush,
"It's another Tetris clone, with a few
interesting concepts thrown in." The Official
B3ta Wife approves of this game and it sent her
into an OCD spin of muttering numbers under her
breath. It was like watching Rainman with
tits.
http://www.chainfactor.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* WHAT-TEAM-SHOULD-I-SUPPORT.COM - We know fuck
all about football, and occasionally it would
be handy to be able to type in a postcode and
find out what team it would be appropriate to
pledge some bullshit allegiance to. (A more
jokey version would spit out Arsenal for London
postcodes and Man U for everywhere else.)

* SMALL CUTE MUSLIM PIG CALLED MU'HAM'ED -
err, maybe not.

* MADNESS VIDEO - we've just googled the B3ta
HQ postcode to find a map, and found the great,
great Madness have written a song based upon
our postcode: NW5. Sadly it isn't filmed in the
local area, and we really wish we had the time
to make a suitably loving tribute to the
streets of Kentish. Please can you help out?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1J2-_u9DOM

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by wimbledonwomble811,
Zoe Bond, thiswasmyclone, Denny, iowaseven,
smirt362, j@griffiths, Bearded Whumpus
and Purple Martin. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is
QOTW bloke. Subjectline and mastheadlols from
MakingLoveFace and dbroon.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Going through a speed trap too fast? If
possible, climb out through the sunroof and
clap hollowed-out coconuts on the roof. This
tricks the camera into thinking you're riding a
horse, so you should get away without being
flashed. (FizzyLogic)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
The Welsh mining industry looks set for a
come-back... Apparently they've found some
copper in Snowdonia.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 678 - March 19, 2008 - Easter Bunny Taught Me ALL I Need to Know!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

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Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Easter Quotes:

Easter tells us that life is to be interpreted not simply in terms of things but in terms of ideals. - Charles M. Crowe

You'll wake up on Easter morning, And you'll know that he was there, When you find those choc'late bunnies, That he's hiding ev'rywhere. - Gene Audry

Easter is the demonstration of God that life is essentially spiritual and timeless. -
Charles M. Crowe

Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there. - Clarence W. Hall

Easter so longed for is gone in a day.- James Howell

Earth's saddest day and gladdest day were just three days apart! - Susan Coolridge

The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances. - Robert Flatt

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Easter Bunny Taught Me ALL I Need to Know!

ALL I NEED TO LEARN ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY!

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Walk softly and carry a big carrot.

Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

There's no such thing as too much candy.

All work and no play can make you a basket case.

A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.

Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

Some body parts should be floppy.

Keep you paws off other people's jellybeans.

Good things come in small-sugarcoated packages.

The grass is greener in someone else's basket.

An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.

To show your true colors you have to come out of the shell.

The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

AMAZING LIGHTNING STIRKE - THAT WAS CLOSE! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/135926.html

WWII - STRANGE SCOOTER "CANNON" GUN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136039.html

THE WORST TOYS EVER! - DOLL WITH STRAP ON LEGS - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/136110.html

STRANGE JAPANESE WEDDING - IN A HUGE FISH TANK! SWORDFISH OVERHEAD! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/136124.html

STRANGE OLDE BRA ADVERTISING - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136128.html

PARTY PRIORITIES! - FISH TEMPORARILY DISPLACED - FISH TANK GREAT BEER COOLER - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136131.html

TAIL DRAGGER - LOOKING OUT CARGO DOOR AT BEAUTIFUL IRAQ - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/136138.html

STRANGE TINY LITTLE 1959 GERMAN BMW - WITH TINY TRAILER - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136144.html

VW VAN 'CATCHES' MANHOLE COVER - IMBEDDED IN FRONT BUMPER! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/136145.html

STRANGE 'PIMPED' BICYCLE - WITH CONTINENTAL KIT!! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136158.html

STRANGE BBQ EQUIPMENT - NASTY HOT DOG MAKER - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/136176.html

TINY 1957 BMW ISETTA GERMAN POLICE CAR - WHERE DO YOU PUT THE PRISONER? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136187.html

FAST FOOD FARCE - THE PICTURE vs. THE REAL THING! - BURGER KING WHOPPER - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/136188.html

LITTLE CRITTER LOVES BUDWEISER! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/136207.html

STRANGE 'AFTER WEDDING' SHIRT - IT'S OVER! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136209.html

STRANGE OLE DEMOCRAT "SUMMONS" - VOTE - WE'LL GIVE YOU A RIDE - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/136213.html

STRANGE CEMETERY - MAPLE TREE SAP - "I TASTE DEAD PEOPLE!" - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136250.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - STRANGE TATTOOS - Body Paints & Piercings

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/32_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

101 Easter Jokes - Quickies - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/24250.html

3 Blondes, St. Peter & Easter - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/24249.html

Saving the Easter Bunny - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/20723.html

Signs the Easter Bunny is Nuts! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/24187.html

The True Meaning of Easter - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/25579.html

Twas The Day Before Easter - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/25580.html

History of Easter Chocolate - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/136301.html

History of the Easter Rabbit - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/136302.html

The History of the Easter Bonnet - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/136303.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE TATTOOS - Body Paints & Piercings

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/116_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

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------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 677 - March 16, 2008 - You Might be a Leprechaun if.......

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Definitions:

WHAT IS AN IRISHMAN
An Irishman is a man who?

May not believe there is a God,
but is darn sure of the infallibility of the Pope...

Won't eat meat on Friday,
but will drink Jameson for breakfast.....

Has great respect for the truth,
he uses in emergencies...

Sees things not as they are
but the way they never will be.....

Cries at sad movies,
but cheers in battle....

Hates the English,
but reserves his cruelty for countryman....

Gets more Irish the further he gets from Ireland.....

Believes in civil rights,
but not in his neighborhood...

Believes to forgive is divine,
therefore doesn't exercise it himself....

Loves religion for its own sake,
but also because it makes it so inconvenient for his neighbors....

Scorns money,
but worships those who have it...

Considers any Irishman who
achieves success to be a traitor...

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - You Might be a Leprechaun if.......

Submitted by J, L, CR & TJ Morrison

You snicker uncontrollably all the way through "Darby O'Gill And The Little People."

Your record collection is stocked only with very short artists, Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins.

When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there's me pot o' gold!)

In your cupboard there is nothing but Lucky Charms cereal.

Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere.

You insist on dancing a jig on your way to work each morning to the embarrassment of all your friends.

You've been under a rock for the past few years.

You just despise fairies. ("Wing Envy" if you ask me!)

You try to pick up women by saying "Ah, lassie, you have dazzling kneecaps, you do."

When you eat good food, you say it is "magically delicious,".

And the number one way you can tell you might be a Leprechaun:

You're three feet tall, Irish, have red hair, cuss, drink and wear green a lot!

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

GOOFY LITTLE DOG - WITH GOGGLES! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/135343.html

MILITARY JETS - STRANGE VAPOR SHOTS - 5 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/135882.html

ELIOT SPITZER DELAYED ON THE WAY DOWNTOWN TO RESIGN! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/136012.html

FARM TRACTOR ACCIDENT - HONEY, THE JOHN DEERE IS IN THE DEN! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/136029.html

MILITARY EQUIPMENT TESTING - WATER CANNON TEST ON TROOP TRANSPORT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/136037.html

STRANGE FOOD SNACK TRAY FOR COMPUTER KEYBOARD - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136059.html

CAMEL RIDES - REAL CHEAP! - HE DOESN'T SPIT! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/136060.html

STRANGE 'CIRCLE IN A CIRCLE' OPTICAL ILLUSION - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/136062.html

STRANGE CHINESE ARMY TRAINING - LADIES HIGH KICK - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/136074.html

WWII - STRANGE MOTOR SCOOTER CANNON - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/135700.html

COOL NIGHT SHOT - MOON OVER AIRCRAFT CARRIER AND SUPPLY TENDERS! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/136075.html

FOUR LITTLE FROGS - HANG IN THERE #3! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136081.html

STRANGE ROLE REVERSAL - DOG'S MASTER WITH THE NEWSPAPER IN HER MOUTH! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/136085.html

STRANGE "RED" CLOUDS - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/136091.html

THE WORST TOYS EVER! - McDONALD'S FRESH "FLESH" DRINK DISPENSER - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/136109.html

STRANGE WINTER BICYCLE - STUDDED REAR WHEEL AND FRONT SKI! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/136111.html

WWII - YALTA CONFERENCE - CHURCHILL - ROOSEVELT - STALIN - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/136112.html

STRANGE ASIAN HIGHWIRE ACT - BEAR ON A MOTORCYCLE - GIRL IN A SLING! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/136129.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - IRELAND - Irishman - Pubs - St. Patricks Day - Shamrocks

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100298_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Where's all the Global Warming? Guns and Fists as "Snow Rage" Erupts - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/136010.html

"Irish Jokes" A Few Short Ones. - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/122544.html

St Patrick - A Quick History - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/106251.html

- Irish Blessings - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/25504.html

- Irish Jokes - One liners - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/25407.html

-What Is An Irishman? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/24116.html

Irish Humor - Worth Reviewing - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/22893.html

Irish Toastmasters Club Winner - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/21724.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - IRELAND - Irishman - Pubs - St. Patricks Day - Shamrocks

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[b3ta] "WE TOLD YOU LAST WEEK ALREADY: IT'S POSITIVE!"

This Week:
* COOKING - Curing meat in a CRT
* CHALLENGE - Make graphs tell YOUR truths
* VIDEO - Delia Smith cooks spam

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "B3ta: it's a
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | community of cunts
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| for cunts"

B3ta email 319 - 14 Mar 2008

Working in the lol mine, getting lol dust on our
lungs, oops the lol canary has just karked it.
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue319/

Easter eggs: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Dog eggs: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
The World Is My Canvas

Stavros likes being watched while he's doing
it, do you want to watch?
http://tinyurl.com/25lad4

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Woo, yay and all that stuff

>> Safety campaigns <<
You know Cyriak for his mentalist animations.
We know him for posting on our board under the
name Mutated Monty and causing us random
complaints from people who doesn't realise they
are the same person, "There's a guy on b3ta
ripping off Cyriak's work" they say. Ho hum.
Anyway, here he is editing a couple of very
disturbing TV ads and making them even more
frightening. It's video psychosis and we're
genuinely glad not to live inside his head.
http://b3ta.com/links/when_road_saftey_campaigns_collide

>> Curing meat in a CRT <<
"I made biltong," boasts Redbull_(UK) "that's
addictive, chewy, air-dried, South African
beef. And I made it in a 15" crt monitor."
Blimey, this caused great debate amongst the
newsletter team, "But biltong is disgusting,"
said newsletter Dave. "At least he's found an
actual use for a 15" CRT monitor," pointed
out your Ginger Fuhrer. And so it's in.
http://biltongbell.blogspot.com/

>> Jonti poos himself <<
Picking has been amusing himself with the
quandary "do bears shit in the woods?" and to
potentially give away the punchline the answer
appears to be "Yes, they fucking shit
themselves stupid." Nice animation though.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/A+Walk+In+The+Woods/

>> Indie schmindie Facebook song <<
Friz 3.0 has been on a song-writing mission
recently. There's a mean one where he moans
that the band Scouting For Girls use obvious
chords in their songs, but we will get linky
with this dissing of Facebook that many of our
readers should be able to recognise.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Facebook:2

>> Arty farty video <<
C_kick, probably best-known for the headphone
cats, has been going mental with typography,
sequencing the lyrics of a Ben Folds song to a
fuckload of typey stuff. Quite a change of
direction, but enjoyable, if not kitteny.
http://snipurl.com/songysong

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Nerdery

Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
and lies into one handy place on the interweb.

Last week we asked just how nerdy are you? The
answer it seems is "nerdier than you, dumbass":
http://b3ta.com/questions/nerds/

Whilst we liked door frames's story of buying
a Trek outfit in Ann Summers, there're no photos
to prove it and we always enjoy when people
put up pictures. Here's three who did prove
their nerdiness, posing for the camera:

* THE NERD WHO GOT MARRIED AS DARTH VADER
http://b3ta.com/questions/nerds/post127469

* THE NERD WHO GARDENS AS A STORM TROOPER
http://b3ta.com/questions/nerds/post126905

* THE NERD WHOSE HAIR DEFIES GRAVITY/FASHION
http://b3ta.com/questions/nerds/post127363

>> This Week's Question <<
We've re-opened an old question this week. What
are your Guilty Pleasures? Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/guiltypleasures2/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> God moral maze <<
A "know yourself"-type quiz that attempts to
catch you out in your views of God. Made by
Christians, but fascinating nonetheless.
Actually started a long philosophical
discussion amongst the newsletter team with
Dave's view of God being an all-knowing, all
powerful being and Rob's strange refusal to
entertain the idea of a being more powerful
and intelligent than himself. Oh well,
beats jacking off to squid porn anyway.
http://www.philosophyquotes.net/cgi-bin/god_game1.cgi

>> Cool design site <<
Need to pick up a few tips on web design? Help
is at hand from Mark Chaffer, who's an expert
in DTP, video, animation, web pages and
photography. We particularly rate Mark's
animation skills, and hope to learn a few
tricks from the master.
http://www.chaffagraffix.co.uk/index.html

>> Origami ceiling cat <<
Possibly the best B3ta accessory, the
cut-out-and-make Ceiling Cat. There's one on the
B3ta ceiling now, well there would be if had a
ceiling. But we've chosen a hobo life, beneath
the stars.
http://snipurl.com/lolcats

>> Sperm for tickets <<
Simple idea right - young men want to go to
music gigs, and young men don't bother donating
sperms, so swap swimmers for tickets and Bob's
your uncle. Well exactly, and it's been so over
subscribed that they've had to close it down.
Surprising nobody.
http://www.spermfortickets.com

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Insert funny headline here please

>> Spam casserole <<
UK TV fans have been watching Delia Smith cook
for years, teaching us how to boil eggs, and
more recently how to prepared tinned mince.
We're loving this mocking clip from some BBC4
thingamabob. Dreadful food is always one of our
comedy triggers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY8BiJMNJyU

>> Amy Shitehouse <<
Kids - stay off the crack pipe, it stunts your
growth - just look at Amy here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaW-uj0Ta14

>> Walrus Jacko <<
"Amazing bit of walrus choreography; this
pinniped is nearly as slick as the paedophiliac
Gloved One himself," writes luvtub amongst
others, in the link we give the coveted title,
'link that more people emailed us than anything
else, other than the news that Sara Cox is
naming her son Isaac.'
http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2008/03/12

>> Pot noodles / not poodles <<
It's a shame that Pot Noodles are shit and we
wouldn't feed them to a dog because often their
advertising is excellent. Why can't good stuff,
like bananas and apples have such clever
promotion?
http://b3ta.com/links/Pot_Noodle_Chav_Spoof_of_Guinness_Ad

>> World's worst advert ever? <<
You know when Steve Jobs does his expo thing
and releases a new version of iMovie and then
demonstrates how great it is with a touching
video of some family holiday? We're kind of
imagining this with Bill Gates demonstrating
Windows Movie Maker...
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=AC0sR5_NTFo

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Now incorporating 'rubbish logo weekly'

* WEIRD LOGO
We're guessing it represents a hose for
connecting your penis to a shower cap. "Look!
We don't wash our hair in piss!" FYI, the
company makes ticket machines.
http://www.incifra.it/

* MAX WANK
Oof, wank as a surname, been there, done
that, but he's a German politician and seeing
his grinning face over the name "Max Wank"
makes it look like an advert for lube.
http://www.toytowngermany.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=89383

-------------------------------------------------

: NEWS-STAND OF THE WEEK
10,000 Child porn images!

This local newspaper is seemingly including
unusual freebies to boost sales. Our source,
Alex reveals, "The same newspaper ran a cheesy
baby photo comp at the end of last year, with
promotional posters blaring 'Enter Baby Of The
Year Here'... I think they have issues!"
http://snipurl.com/kiddypornyeah

++ BONUS CLIPPING OF THE WEEK
http://www.b3ta.com/links/All_is_right_with_the_world

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Comics Challenge

Last week we wanted you to make newspaper
comics funny.

Your favourites included:

* SPY vs SPY - classic old-skool comic meets
international incident intrigue (HappyToast)

* GEORGE & LYNNE - previously unseen art
featuring the nation's favourite couple on a
rare Portuguese break (new_matt)

* PEANUTS - just like the rest of us, sometimes
Charles M. Shultz just got out of the wrong
side of bed (StickFigureNinja)

All these images, and the highest as
voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/newspapercomics/

>> New challenge: Graphs <<
We all know graphs can prove anything, so prove
YOUR truth.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/graphs/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* JOEL'S NEW AD - the Veitchmaster has been
busy in the kitten gymnasium filming this
Crusha ad. "I really like it," he adds.
"Although I'm finding it a bit painful looking
at it in low-res, as I did the whole thing at
2k film spec (which is just slightly bigger
than 1080p HD) and then they dropped that
requirement for it to be that big. So, I'm used
to it looking really cool and sharp and
high-res, and of course it will never be seen
like that by anyone else."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_did_an_ad_with_kittens_working_out

* HUMAN BLACK PUDDING - We asked for it in a
newsletter of yore. Now it seems some German
army chappies have been tempted by the highly
delicious concept of black puddings made with
their own blood. But now face charges of
cannibalism.
http://snipurl.com/nazicunts

* RAMPANT INFLATION - mrdirtylegs has responded
to our call for stuff being inflated. "I
consider myself something of an expert in the
field of inflation with water," he explains.
"Here is an aquaglove;"
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=5IfRhW0FlTY

* LEATHERGIRL - we thought girls should be able
to enjoy using utility knives too. Turns out
there already is one - the Miss Army Knife:
http://snipurl.com/fireboxtwats

* MATAZONE - we were checking in on long-time
b3tard Matazone. What really boggled our minds
though was that he seems to have somehow
crossed that fine line that divides making
web-nerd animation and ladies' underwear. Check
it out!
http://corsets.matazone.co.uk/index.php?cPath=23

* RAMPANT INFLATION II - "Pumping up a bike
inner tube: Yes, you can burst it, especially
with a big free-standing pump from Halfords
that's probably actually a lot more powerful
than you really needed." informs Andrew
Stevens. "If you are going to try it, for fucks
sake wear ear defenders. I thought I'd burst an
ear drum when I blew up my girlfriends bike
tyre by accident."

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* UNSINKABLE POO - Puromycin asks, "We've all
experienced floaters which pop back up after
flushing, so I'm asking B3tards to alter their
diet to work out what is the ideal foods to
consistently create buoyant stools."

* SUPERSIZE CONSUMER TEST - we were looking at
the sweet rack in Woolworths the other day and
briefly wondered about the value for money on
super-size Mars bars. Do you get more chocolate
for your money? What about those jumbo Kitkats?
C'mon fatties - do some science.

* TIP-EX VS MARKER PENS - how high can you get
using only the items found in your stationary
cupboard?

Send your linky missives via the internets.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: What's the difference between flowers and
AIDS? We didn't give your mum flowers, so if
you've sent something in that hasn't been
featured then don't be put off - we laugh at
everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Post-op: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Co-op: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by collapsibletank,
chunderbunny, lesbilicious.co.uk, terryeden,
gary_robinson, and Fat Tony. Additional linkage
and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
Trinder is QOTW bloke. I bet no one reads this
bit, but seeing as you've bothered, I'll tell
you a secret: I'm not a rapist, I'm just a
little deaf, you can't arrest me, that's
discrimination. Subjectlinelols from the
impossibly-named "Your watch is still saving
for 5K but".

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Dissatisfied with your job/partner/life? Get
used to it. It's like this until you get old.
Then it gets worse. (frankspencer)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:

I just lost at Hangman
Didn't know the place name.
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