Vol 733 - Sept 28, 2008 - Strange Hillbilly Medical Terms

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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Strange Quotes - 'Cheap Shots' About Men and Women

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often." - Oliver Herford

"Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her body." - John Vanbrugh

"The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is." - Helen Rowland

"Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking." - Rupert Hughes

"Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman." - Maryon Pearson

"Outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in." - Katharine Whitehorn

"Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses." - Elizabeth Taylor

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Hillbilly Medical Terms

Hillbilly Medical Terms

Benign..........................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria........................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.........................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section..........A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan........................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize......................Made eye contact with her.
Colic............................A sheep dog.
Coma...........................A punctuation mark.
D&C............................Where Washington is.
Dilate...........................To live long.
Enema..........................Not a friend.
Fester...........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula...........................A small lie.
G.I.Series....................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent......................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.
Node...........................I knew it.
Outpatient...................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...........................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum.......................Damn near killed him.
Secretion.....................Hiding something
Seizure........................Roman emperor.
Tablet.........................A small table.
Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor..........................More than one.
Urine..........................Opposite of mine.
Varicose......................Near by/close by

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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HALF ZEBRA - HALF HORSE! - KICKING UP HIS HEELS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/142516.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - FACE IN THE LINES - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/142962.html

REDNECK FIRE ALARM - JIFFY POP! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/143131.html

STRANGE "POPEMOBILES" THRU THE YEARS - BENZ TROOPER - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/143136.html

BIG EYED FROGGY - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/143170.html

STRANGE WATER OVERFLOW HOLE - DON'T FALL IN THERE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/143176.html

STRANGE OUTDOOR SWING - HAS IT'S OWN PORCH! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/143179.html

STRANGE UTILITY VEHICLE - RAISED UP HIGH! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/143189.html

STRANGE DUTCH SPORTS CAR - CYCLOPS CENTER HEADLIGHT - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/143192.html

PIER SURFING DANGERS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/143207.html

STRANGE BACKWARD SOMERSAULT OFF A BUILDING! - GIF - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/143224.html

FARM TRUCK - 1936 - GRAIN COMPANY! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/143241.html

BIG FOOT - HUGE MONSTER TIRES & WHEELS! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/143251.html

COOL ISLAND COMMUNITY - ONE ROAD IN! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/143252.html

OLDE PIX - 1889 STAGECOACHES ON THE ROUGH MOUNTAIN ROAD - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/143293.html

STRANGE BICYCLE - WITH RUN FLAT TIRES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/143315.html

STRANGE SEAGULL LUNCH - HE'S CRAZY! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/143320.html

STRANGE GUITAR - SKULL - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/143322.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/31_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Facts and Basically Useless Information - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/143132.html

Strange Telephone Center "Information" Calls In England - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/143133.html

Classic Air Force Response to "Noise" Complaint - Must Read! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/108996.html

Quiz: Are YOU the Annoying Co-worker? - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/109183.html

The Top 20 Weirdest Celebrity Baby Names - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/109889.html

Strange Stuff Found in Taxi Cabs - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/109880.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - Strange But True News, Quotes, Trends, Morons, etc

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/116_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

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Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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[b3ta] "Phoning Samaritans and saying 'Talk dirty else I'll kill myself'"

This Week:
* ANSWERS - Ask the internet 'Which is Gayer?'
* HI-FI - Paper plate speakers
* ANIM - Screaming, flailing machine

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're shouting at
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| tramps... together"

B3ta email 347 - 26 Sep 2008

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue347/

Credit: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Debit: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
Peter Cook and Dudley Moore in plasticine

It's that time of the year - Amnesty are doing
their big comedy event: The Secret Policeman's
Ball and your newsletter team will be in the
audience because they produced this obviously
"completely brilliant" little animation. It was
entirely filmed on our desk using some clay
from eBay and bits of decking left over from a
building a shed. Rah!
http://www.protectthehuman.com/videos/the-ball-is-back-

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Gayness, Dr Who, machines and meat

>> Which is gayer? <<
Props to Jon4009, who made this handy tool to
answer the age-old question by harnessing the
google pixies. "You asked for it, so here it
is," he beams. "Still trying to figure out how
to crowbar in some more pie-charts, though."
http://www.whichisgayer.com/

>> Dr Who: What are you doing here? <<
The aptly-named NoDaylight has edited together
an enormous and inexplicable montage of Doctor
Who characters asking, "What are you doing
here?" Goes from the Hartnell black-and-white
days right up to big Dave Tennant. Watching
the entire thing broke our minds to the extent
that we were completely unable to answer
questions for ten minutes or so.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doctor_Who_What_are_you_doing_here

>> Screaming flailing machine <<
"Hello," yells Joel. "I've got a new vid this
week - for Screaming Flailing Machine. It is
our greatest work. It is our masterpiece. It is
our gift to humanity. Hooray!" Corporate
sponsors: Joel needs to make this doomsday
device for real so please send him cash.
http://rathergood.com/machine/

>> Meat <<
Celebrating tasty animal parts through the
medium of song and dance. We like koit's
little characters: almost an A-Team made of
dead pig.
http://www.lskerton.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/flash/meat.html

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Food Sabotage

Last week we asked for how you'd sabotaged the
food of others for entertainment/revenge:
http://b3ta.com/questions/foodsabotage/

* QUEEF - "I have no idea why I'm making this
one public [erm, so we can send it to thousands
of people - Ed.], but I fucking love queefs. I
think they are absolutely brilliant and
hilarious and the best things in the world. So
imagine my joy when I started dating a girl who
could queef on command! When she first told me
about this, she actually demonstrated how she
can draw air into her thingywotsit. Seriously,
it looked like a gummy old man trying to
whistle. I then happen to notice an untouched
glass full of Coke on her bedside table with a
straw in it... well, I'd be crazy not to
suggest it wouldn't I? And so it came to pass
that I am lying collapsed on the floor, having
the mother of all asthma attacks from laughing
my guts out as this amazing young lady blows
bubbles in the Coke using her ladybits. And
after? She gave it to her sister, and
apologised that she'd already sipped the straw.
Her sister told her off for leaving it
'slobbery'." (badongism)

* WORM - "You can poke dry spaghetti into the
bottom of an unpeeled banana so that it slides
all the way up the inside. Leave it in the
banana overnight, and the moisture turns the
spaghetti soft-ish. Wait for your unsuspecting
housemate/family member/local greedy glutton
to start eating, and, wow! They think they've
eaten part of some crazy-ass tropical worm! Get
it right and you can tell them it was a tape
worm!" (ThornbankJim)

* THATCHER - "I rubbed my cock on Mrs T's new
spectacles, which I had just made. Not food or
tea, but I just need to tell everyone. My
life-long socialist father cried with pride
when I told him. She wore them for years too."
(BigAndyBee)

Oh, and nobody steals the lunch of the Legless:
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a398/Legless123/baggy.jpg

>> This Week's Question <<

We'd like your sexual misconceptions. Tell
Uncle B3ta all about where the bad man touched
you here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/sexualmisconceptions/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> DIY speakers <<
Fans of science know the best way of getting
great sound quality for your music is to use
solid gold cables and wooden tone knobs. But
no! There's a new player in town - making your
own speaker from the disposable plates you
might use at a child's birthday party. This is
pimping out your iPod ghetto style.
http://snurl.com/tescosvaluestereo [www_josepino_com]

>> Sane or Insane? <<
Many of us have weird little rituals that are
border-line OCD; the official B3ta wife has to
sleep on the left hand side of the bed, there's
no other option. Rate your madness here -
warning: this is engrossing stuff.
http://www.saneorinsane.com/Default.aspx

>> Silly Hats <<
Hat enthusiasts! We know the fashionati members
of B3ta never miss a chance to wear something
stupid on their heads, so next year, see if you
can outdo the ladies from Ascot. This is not a
challenge for amateurs.
http://snurl.com/twatsinhats [www_bestweekever_tv]

>> Dirty hoarder <<
Always a win, hoarders supply the best internet
content. This one scores highly for the
multiple cigarette ends.
http://www.houston-imports.com/dirty/dirty.html

>> Antique Big Mac <<
Not that we trust everything we read on the
internet, but if this is true...?! This
purports to be a 10-year-old McDonalds burger
and it hasn't decayed. Can a B3ta reader test
this? Ok we haven't got 10 years, but a couple
of weeks should tell us something.
http://snurl.com/chewy [bestwellnessconsultant_com]

>> TV theme medley <<
Nostalgia. We're forward-looking people at B3ta
Towers and we're in no way culturally trapped
in an early 90s time-warp thinking that modern
music is just bad rave with shouting on top.
Therefore we found nothing, simply nothing, to
enjoy in this chappy singing literally hundreds
of old theme tunes from kids TV.
http://www.clumsy.info/pages/medley_main.html

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like stop motion without the stopping

>> Rachmaninoff had big hands <<
Russian composer Sergei Rachmaninoff is famed
for having had enormous mitts and writing piano
music to match. So how do small-handed pianists
get around playing it? Here's an ingenious
solution.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Rachmaninov_had_big_Hands

>> Super-conducting maglev toy train <<
A strange air of Look Around You lingers in
this vid of a model train that eerily hovers a
significant distance above its track. So odd we
can only conclude it's witchcraft or something.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Superconducting_maglev_toy_train

>> Little grey, fluffy clouds <<
A spoof of The Orb's Little Fluffy Clouds by,
well, The Orb and Alan Parker, Urban Warrior.
Made us laugh, then go download a ton of
Nineties music and comedy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__QqQq9XBsQ

>> Hardeep Singh Kohli v BBC Radio Brum <<
Car crash radio as the Glaswegian writer falls
foul of an unbelievable Alan Partridge-style
local radio presenter, eventually walking out.
Kohli could probably have salvaged it, but
he's clearly so irritated he just lets the
Brummie squirm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mO9g39p23rA

>> Work-safe porn <<
What could be better than porn you can watch in
the comfort of your work cubicle without fear
of your boss's raised eyebrow? Be warned,
despite the cartoon disguises this is still
clearly dirty.
http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=349ffa2b

>> Dancing Christians <<
Bunch of musical religious types show it's cool
to love Christ. Yeeha!
http://www.theway.org/Current/Mar07/Mar07Flash4.htm

>> Weatherman blooper <<
It's the sudden off-on-off outburst that makes
this. It's like, "Hello and welcome to the
Tourettes news."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=965dWZuSsVo&feature=related

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: THE INCREASINGLY INACCURALTY NAMED...
Funny Name Corner

* TWATBOOK - nope, not some lame-arse facebook
parody, but a gas industry site. (NegCheg)
http://twatbook.com/

* GOATSE ON THE UNDERGROUND - "I called up my
mate to tell him about it... Old people started
looking at me funny." (Krono6)
http://i35.tinypic.com/1zdw6rn.jpg

* HERBY CRACK - "It's worth reviving 'Funny
Names Corner' for one more week just for the
local councillor mentioned in this story"
(robertcallaghan)
http://snurl.com/herbytwats [www_yourmedway_co_uk]

* SANDY MINGES - "This reminded me of my potty
aunt; when publicly scratching an intimate
itch, she would say she had 'dirt in her eye'."
(daddypigsaw)
http://mingesrealty.com/about.html

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Animated Emoticon Challenge

Last week we wanted to you to bring smilies
up-to-date.

Your favourites included:

* SMUG BASTARD - a b3ta favourite gets the
animated icon treatment (Bloop)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8755152

* BOTTOM - innocent smilie mutates into
dreadful shock image (madridiot)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8754904

* DICK BEATTIE - another b3ta favourite gets
the animated icon treatment (Bloop)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8755346

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/smilies/

>> New challenge: Make Sci-Fi Retro <<
Steampunk Star Wars, Renaissance Robocop, Art
Deco Daleks and everything sci-fi in between.
Open up photoshop and show us the fantastical
future, yesterday. Challenge suggested by The
Great Architect.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/retrosciencefiction/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* GOOGLE PORN GAME - You put a
seemingly-innocent word into google images and
see how many of the results are porno. "I'm
surprised nobody submitted 'kiddie' as an
unsafe Google search." ventures Grampa. "Of
course, now that I've run that query, the cops
will be busting through my door in a couple of
days."

* THE GUYS KISSING behind a TV news reporter
are Howard Stern stooges, reports US
correspondent thefoggypoo in response to a link
we ran a wee while ago. "The two lads kissing
each other are Sal Governale and Richard
Christy. One of the other staff members, Benjy
Bronk was arrested on Monday last for shouting
loudly in the background of news reports. He
normally shouts 'Ba Ba Booey' - the nickname of
show producer Gary Dell'Abbate."

* MALE TORTOISESHELL CATS exist, according to
Smoke me a kipper. Basically, he's just saying
"Ha!" to his little brother, Pyrotyger, who
took us to task last week and claimed that all
tortoiseshell cats are female. Smoke me writes,
"I draw your attention to the following paper
published in 1981 by the _Journal of Heredity_
(American Genetics Association): _XXY-trisomy
identified by banding techniques in a male
tortoiseshell cat_. Got that? MALE
TORTOISESHELL CATS! Hahaha! Haaaahahahaaaa!" On
a similar note, all completely ginger cats are
male. Females have white feet.
http://snurl.com/catpedantry [jhered_oxfordjournals_org]

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* APPLE REMOTE GUN - you know that funny little
remote control you get with Apple laptops? Can
someone program it to pretend to shoot lasers
and make bullet holes in the screen? We were
making pew-pew noises earlier this week and
thought it might briefly amuse.

* SELLOTAPE CONDOMS - davetheexplosivenewt
asks, "As a follow-up to the sellotape
cling-film - why not try sellotape condoms?
Someone out there must be willing to compare
them to normal condoms in terms of unwanted
pregnancy?"

* MAIN PAGE WIKIPEDIA CHALLENGE - johnnymrninja
blithers, "Wikipedia has a problem, in that the
'Main Page' is actually in the space where
articles go. It is not an article about
something called "Main Page". So I have devised
the simplest open-ended contest ever. The goal
is to make something called 'Main Page',
notable enough to deserve an article on
Wikipedia. This will force them to rename the
main page to something more sensible. The prize
is the above URL, and the thousands upon
thousands of incoming links that go with it.
This is the best URL on Wikipedia, and their
own naming conventions will make them give it
up. So, please take it."

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

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-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Ryz0r, Dr.Fun, Dr
Dee, lucasheron. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
bloke. We love b4ta.

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TOP TIP:
Security markers are great for drawing big
hairy cocks on banknotes so they show up when
put under the UV forgery-testing light. (Wurzel)

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SICKIPEDIA:

I was horrified to read about the mother who
drowned her disabled daughter in a sink. That
is NOT how you make vegetable soup.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 732 - Sept 24, 2008 - 24 Bumper Stickers For Women

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "I'm Not Very Bright" Quotes

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. - Marshall McLuhan

I never know how much of what I say is true. - Bette Midler

I have nothing intelligent to say. - Meg Tilly, when approached by a TV reporter asking questions on her way into the 1997 Oscar ceremonies.

I am not denying anything I did not say. -Brian Mulrooney

I really didn't say everything I said. - Yogi Berra

I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people. - Keanu Reeves

My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave. -Burt Reynolds

I'm no actor, and I have sixty-four pictures to prove it. - Victor Mature

Of all the things I've ever lost I miss my mind the most. - Steven Tyler

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - 24 Bumper Stickers For Women

1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

2. GOD MADE US SISTERS; PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.

4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.

5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.

6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN. . . SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.

8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.

10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN-AND I HAVE A GUN.

11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE...WHO CARES?

12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES.

13. AND YOUR POINT IS...?

14. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

15. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

16. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

17. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.

18. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.

19. I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.

20. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

21. SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTED. I'M NOT.

22. ANOTHER DOPELESS HOPE FIEND

23. IF WE ARE WHAT WE EAT, I'M FAST, CHEAP AND EASY.

24. DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE AMBULANCES AND EMERGENCY VEHICLES AROUND THE WORLD - WWI - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/142349.html

WORK VEHICLES - FULLY LOADED - 3 - HAY! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/142834.html

STRANGE "BALANCING" ROCK FORMATION! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/143109.html

1935 ALFA ROMEO CONVERTIBLE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/143110.html

COOL ACTION PHOTO - DOUBLE BARREL SHOTGUN EJECTS 'SMOKING' SHELLS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/143111.html

COOL TIME LAPSE AIR CRAFT CARRIER TWILIGHT TAKEOFFS! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/143112.html

A-10 WARTHOG - 30mm FRONT CANNON - *NOTE 'PEACE SYMBOL' ON CANNON!* - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/143113.html

STRANGE GOOFY LOOKING ANIMAL - WHAT IS THAT? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/143114.html

STRANGE TRACTOR PARADE - LITTLE DOGGY IN A WAGON! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/143115.html

STRANGE OLDE BUSINESS TRAINING AIDE - WOMEN 'ARE' TEACHABLE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/143116.html

STRANGE 'GANGSTA' TOMBSTONE - NOTE THE MALT BEER TRIBUTE - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/143117.html

WWII - STRANGE SIGNAL CORPS PIX - GAS MASK & FEED BAG! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/143118.html

STRANGE 'STILT CYCLE' - SIT WHILE YOU WALK! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/143119.html

NASTY KIDS PULL A WATER PRANK ON UNSUSPECTING PAL! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/143120.html

FLY FISHING FUN - FINALLY CATCHING THE BIG ONE! - PLASTIC FISH! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/143121.html

STRANGE TURTLE PALS - FROG AND CRAB! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/143122.html

COMMERCIAL PASSENGER JET PROBLEMS - ENGINE EXPLODES & BURNS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/143123.html

DANGEROUS ROCK SLIDE CLOSES ROAD - LARGE TRUCKS KNOCKED OVER ! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/143124.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - NASTY ACCIDENTS - STRANGE PROBLEMS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100005_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Never Underestimate the Way a Woman's Mind Works - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/143068.html

Where is The Polar Bear Capitol Of The World? - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/143125.html

What is The Oldest Soft Drink? Dr. Pepper! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/143126.html

The Strange Side Of Thomas Edison - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/143127.html

Strange Facts About Your Teeth! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/143128.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - College - University - High School - Teacher/Prof

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 731 - Sept 12, 2008 - Strange Laws Around The World

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on
each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add
"Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on
the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About "Fools"

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. ~ Douglas Adams

You don't have to fool all the people all of the time; you just have to fool enough to get elected. ~ Gerald Barzan

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. ~ Josh Billings

A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him. ~ Nicholas Boileau

Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. ~ Frank Dane

A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave. ~ William Drummond

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Laws Around The World

Check out these nutty laws from across the U.S.A. and around the globe!

* In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as "the old ball 'n' chain."

* In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a waiter to tell a customer "I'm really an actor."

* In Indiana, it's against the law to dress "Barbie" in "Ken's" clothes.

* In Sedona, Ariz., it's illegal to lie about your astrological sign.

* In Texas, it's illegal to threaten somebody with an UNLOADED gun.

* In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your wife's birthday.

* In Australia, it's illegal to name any animal you plan to eat.

* In Cannes, France, it's illegal to wear a Jerry Lewis mask.

* In New Jersey, answering a traffic cop who asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" by saying, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" is an automatic $300 fine.

* In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.

* In Portugal, it's against the law to pee in the ocean.

* In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.

* In Vermont, it's illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.

* In Tennessee, it's illegal to tell someone to quit smoking.

* In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter.

* In Georgia, it's illegal to teach a child under 5 the words "penis" and "vagina."

* Unmarried women are not allowed to buy edible panties in South Carolina.

* In Italy, anyone considered "obese" is forbidden from wearing polyester.

* It's illegal to tear a phone book in half in Montana.

* Anyone caught selling a "smoothie" that has lumps is breaking the law in California.

* In Arkansas, it's illegal for a woman getting married for the second time to wear a white wedding gown.

* In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to put a dollar on a string on the ground and yank it when someone tries to pick it up.

* In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call it a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE MERCEDES BENZ - PAISLEY PAINT JOB! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/142443.html

TINY DOGGIE IN A MCDONALD COFFEE CUP! - CHIHUAHUA - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/142450.html

STRANGE AIRPORT TERMINALS - INCHON - S KOREA - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/142685.html

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR E-MAIL CRAP - IT DIDN'T WORK! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/142752.html

STRANGE AUTO WINDOW - HOW DOES HE DO THAT? - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/142912.html

SPORTS PHOTOG GETTING A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO THE ACTION! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/142913.html

STRANGE SHOW - SNAKY - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/142923.html

NIAGARA FALLS - NEW YORK CANADA BORDER - AERIAL SHOT! - 1 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/142945.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - MONA LISA STRIPES - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/142961.html

STRANGE 'RAINBOW CLOUD' FORMATIONS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/143003.html

STRANGE & CONFUSING TRAFFIC SIGNALS & SIGNS - INVISIBLE COWS? - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/143031.html

STRANGE & CONFUSING TRAFFIC SIGNALS & SIGNS - THIS MUST BE ROME! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/143041.html

DANGEROUS JEEP OFF ROADING - NARROW MOUNTAIN LEDGE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/143057.html

NASA - SPACE SHUTTLE DISCOVERY PREP AND LAUNCH - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/143061.html

KIDS AND CAT GO FLYING - BOAT TOWING RAFT BOUNCES HIGH! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/143062.html

STRANGE OLD "BABUSHKA LADY" BOWLERS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/143063.html

PAUL McCARTNEY - YOUNG! FIRST BAND - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/143064.html

KOREAN RIOT POLICE WATCH CRAZY PROTESTER "DIVE IN!" - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/143065.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - MISC - EARTHQUAKES - TSUNAMIS - FLOODS - SINKHOLES - VOLCANO

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/100309_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Land Bargains - US Bought Alaska for $7.2 Million in 1867! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/142862.html

Teachers - 7 Reasons NOT to Mess With Children - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/142874.html

- The "BEST" Response to a Dear John Letter - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/23551.html

- Pilot Jokes - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/24145.html

- Aviation Humor - Pilots & Controllers - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/23470.html

Actual Exchanges Between Pilots and Tower - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/23716.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Jokes ? ALL Kinds, Puns, Quotes, Slams

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

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[b3ta] "Now wholly owned... by Lloyds TSB"

This Week:
* ART - Abu Hamza coat hook
* VEITCH - Has 10,000 cocks
* VIDEOS - Newsletter team do 10 songs (!?)

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're watching our
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | savings depreciate
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ...together"

B3ta email 346 - 19 Sept 2008

Stick this up your browser and smoke it
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue346/

Heroin: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Exercise: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Hoaxes, sellotape, cocktopede and claymation

>> Lazy journo caught out <<
Sneaky godspants craftily edited the Wikipedia
page for AC Omonia just before a game with Man
City. Timed nicely so the Mirror's pre-match
report included the 'fact' that the club's
fans wear hats made from shoes. Wah. If you
can't trust Wikipedia 100% where can you go
for truth?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lazy_Journalist

>> Wrapping food in sellotape <<
Brave investigator Mark Lorraine tests whether
sticky back plastic is a good way to preserve
a packed lunch. To cut a long story short, it
doesn't phase people that much when you pull
out a tapey sandwich, but it takes a fuck of a
long time to unwrap it.
http://marklorraine.blogspot.com/

>> The cocktopede <<
Butters does the visual honours, while Joel
and the gang extol the wonders of a creature
with one hundred cocks but no hands or feet.
http://rathergood.com/cocktopede/

>> JibJab songs <<
Rob and Dave have been labouring hard for
weeks with plasticine and scissors to craft
these animations and songs about birthdays,
thank-yous and apologies. If nothing else, you
have to check out Rob's stab at ginger calypso.
http://www.robmanuel.com/2008/09/15/jibjab-10-more-songs/

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Social Networking Gaffes

Last week we wanted to know your worst mistakes
using social networking sites:
http://b3ta.com/questions/socialnetworking/

* TRANNYBO - "I'm more of the email generation,
but my mates pestered me to join Bebo. So I join
and hunt for people that I know. A few days
later I thought I'd look for some cousins and my
sister. I find a cousin, and I find my sister.
Now my sister is called Jo, and my cousin is
called Joe. They have the same surnames as my
cousin is from the paternal side. So I click on
the Jo and it is someone else. Not my sister.
Fine. Then I click on the Joe and find my sister's
face on the page. My brain didn't process it for
a minute, until I looked at the picture again.
It was my sister, but she was wearing a suit
and tie and some sort of wig. How very odd I
think - must be some sort of fancy dress thing.
Student japery. I request that we be friends and
leave it at that. I also send a text message to
her jokingly referring to her as Joe. Five
minutes later I get a phone call from my
hysterical, weeping sister begging me not to
tell our parents. "Please don't tell them I want
to be a man!" ... Christmas 2007 was interesting."
(powervator)

* TRANNYBOOK - "Last time I visited my folks
I needed to check my emails, so I excused myself
and went to use their computer. They'd left it
on with the browser open on their last viewed
page. I went to shut down the page, but you know
when you're skimming through a magazine and
something jumps out and grabs you attention?
Well it was like that. Kind of. Except the words
that jumped out were "Horny Transvestite" and
"a girl just wants to have fun". Turns out, old
father dearest had been masquerading as a
transsexual on the internet and even posted
photographs of himself in drag. Now it was bad
enough seeing my mum in her undies when I was 6,
but fucking horrific seeing my dad in her undies
15 years later. According to him it was just a
bit of fun. Then it dawned on me somebody must
have taken the photos as he was unable to set
the timer on the camera. And that, dear readers,
is how I found out my parents are swingers. God
bless social fucking networking."
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman)

* NANNYBOOK - "Don't let your nan join facebook.
Whilst my nan is quite an internet savvy lady:
she's mastered email to keep in touch with us
from Spain, books holidays online and no longer
calls out the IT engineer when MSN pops up. Alas
she was keen to join in facebook after some
cousins mentioned all the photos on there. The
next time said cousins visited, they allowed
the most retarded one (honestly, it's like
letting a donkey wear a dress) set up a profile
for dear old nan. Her name is Mrs Cox. What did
retard set her up as? NANNY COCKS. Imagine
logging into your email and seeing that, 'Nanny
Cocks has requested to be your friend.' Worse,
her profile had been left wide open to everyone
(interesting and congratulatory wall postings
abounded) and she wouldn't give up the password
for us to change it in case we, 'changed her
letters and emails.' My brother went out to
Spain in August and thankfully she is now no
longer a Cock Nan." (Fizzylegs)

>> This Week's Question <<

We'd like your tales of food sabotage. Revenge
is sweet. Or is it really, really salty? One of
the two. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/foodsabotage/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Abu Hamza coat hook <<
Funny old designer ponces - now you can
combine your love for comedy cleric Hamza with
your desire not to lose the car keys.
Marvellous!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/hook

>> The Wisdom of Herds settles arguments <<
At least that is the idea behind this site
where warring couples post their version of a
row and allow the wisdom of nerds to decide
who's right. It's like a Web 2.0 Jeremy Kyle
show.
http://www.sidetaker.com/index.php

>> Terrible 9/11 art <<
We're all still feeling the fallout of the
tragic events of 11th September 2001. But
amongst the worst is the massive proliferation
of mawkishly sentimental 'tribute' art. Crying
eagle - need we say more?
http://snipurl.com/911truth [wonkette_com]

>> World's longest personal ad <<
Man seeks wife. But she must know her place.
About a thousand terms and conditions follow.
http://snipurl.com/youremywifenow [blog_360_yahoo_com]

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Betamax lols for the over 30s

>> Stealthy cat <<
Cute little kitty sneaking up on the camera.
Every time you look away and then back she's a
little closer, without seeming to have moved.
Bit like that episode of Doctor Who with the
evil statues.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/stealthy_cat

>> Internet porn and you <<
Animated documentary explaining the place of
internet porn in the average, everyday life.
The wheedling little laptop is great -
"But there's always time for internet porn!"
http://current.com/items/89298493_internet_porn_you

>> Sticky note experiment <<
The blokes behind the coke and mentos stuff
make amazing technicolour fountains and
waterfalls using only Post-It notes. Wonderful
- makes you sick with jealousy at their talent.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/sticky_note_experiment

>> Guys make out behind reporter <<
Two blokes arsing around behind the back of an
unsuspecting financial reporter, slightly
undercutting the gravitas of the piece.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lnFTpoSalk

>> The Star Trek A-Team <<
If the title doesn't get you clicking then
nothing we can write will. Still, we liked
this peculiar opening sequence of the A Team,
as played by members of the Enterprise. B.A.
Baracus is a little unlikely, mind...
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Star_Trek_A_Team

>> "I Fucked Your Mum <<
Not the cleverest Katy Perry parody. But we
liked it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJ8LxIF9dIc

>> Memes for DJs <<
For your remix convenience, a big wodge of
internet memes sampled in one place to
download. See if you can guess them all
without cheating and looking at the list.
http://jamiedubs.com/meme-breaks/

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Penis special!

"I have made a thing for B3ta", proudly writes
Mr Gear, "It is a short photo-project
investigating the origins of the CDC
(crudely-drawn cock) from Roman times."
http://snipurl.com/2000yearscdc [flickr_com]

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Thom Yorke Challenge

Last week we wanted to you to give Thom
Yorke a makeover.

Your favourites included:

* 3D - pay attention: this beautifully rendered
image took more than three days to create
(taters)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8746947

* ASCII - whereas this probably took about ten
seconds, but is no less lovely (Ttssatsr)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8729454

* PARANOID ANDROID - Yorkie as done by H.R.
Giger (ManekiNeko)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8738578

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/thomyorke/

>> New challenge: Emoticons 2.0 <<
It's 2008, and we need new animated emoticons
to express feelings other than lol.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/smilies/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories

* NOT SO INNOCENT GOOGLE IMAGE QUERIES - last
week we asked you for inoffensive words than
produced porn.

http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=granny
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=snooker
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=secretary
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=Sleeping
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=innocent

BTW: stuartianmacpherson also mentions, "you
can determine a male friends gayness by typing
their name into google images and counting the
number of pages before you see a cock."

* CAL SPEAKS - long term b3tans will remember
Cal Henderson, the chap who coded most of our
site before relocating in San Francisco to work
on Flickr. Miss him? Then listen to his,
actually rather amusing, take on the
shortcomings of a currently-fashionable
programming framework called Django. WARNING:
This is hardcore geek-only chat, which is
possibly why we loved it.
http://snipurl.com/callovesdjango [www_b3ta_com]

* KITTEN FACTS - Pyrotyger shouts, "Regarding
the Pussy vs. Printer vid: it's a she, not a
he. All tortoise-shell cats have two
X-chromosomes (selective X-activation of
different patches of skin in a developing
embryo is the cause) and so are almost all
female. I'm not a vicious pedant, I just
thought it was the sort of random trivia that
would interest you."

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* WHICH IS GAYER? "Gay Apple" is 19m Google
results, whilst "Gay Microsoft" gets 16m
results. Hence Apple is gayer than Microsoft.
Fact. Write an application which tests the
comparative gayness of everything. With
pie-charts for extra win.

* CAMDEN LOCK FAN EDIT - we've noticed the
canal bridge in Camden in loads of videos -
including this recent Microsoft advert. Can
someone round all these shots up and run them
together? It would make us happy.
http://snurl.com/microsoftvistalols [gizmodo_com]

* SCRAMBLED SNAKE EGG - might be tasty, might
be rank. Can you test it and find out?

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Taxis: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Taxes: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by adam-b3ta,
fatboyginge james.almond coolchick365ca
the_lord_virulent and YOUR FUCKING MUM.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Sublol via nordelius.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
When roasting potatoes for your Sunday
lunch/dinner, before putting them in the oven,
cover each one with a light coating of olive
oil. This will bring a nice crispy texture to
your roast spud. What's your opinion?
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/post244882

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
"I'm a 14 year-old girl looking for a 45-55
year-old man for online webcam fun. Email me:
operationlolita@metpolice.uk"
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 730 - Sept 17, 2008 - Strange British Business Signs

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About Themselves - Famous People

"I say I'm Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin all wrapped up into one. If I die early ... I'll be just like those guys." - Dennis Rodman, 1997

"I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults." - David Lee Roth

"It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher." - Linda Evangelista, 1997

"If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect." - Ted Turner

"There's something about me that makes a lot of people want to throw up." - Pat Boone

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange British Business Signs

British Signs

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - Strange Business Buildings - Companies - Vehicles - Designs

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==================================

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==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Work, Job, Corporate - Boss Jokes & Business Humor

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Vol 729 - Sept 14, 2008 - Politically Correct in the Army

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on
each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add
"Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on
the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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Strange Quotes:

"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected." ---Unknown

"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!" ---Neva Faith Linn

"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and…." ---Brad Ramsey

"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!" ---Unknown

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." ---Oscar Wilde

"A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married." ---H.L. Mencken

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Politically Correct in the Army

How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men)

--------------------------------------
1. He does not have a beer gut...

He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys)

He has a personal war reserve stock.(army guys)

-------------------------------------
2. He is not quiet...

He is a Conversational Minimalist.

He is a SAMS grad.

-------------------------------------
3. He is not stupid...

He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

He is a field grade.

-------------------------------------
4. He does not get lost all the time...

He discovers Alternative Destinations.

He gets temporarily misoriented.

-------------------------------------
5. He is not balding...

He is in Follicle Regression.

He has a REALLY squared away high and tight.

-------------------------------------------
6. He is not a cradle robber...

He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He is breaking the new fraternization policies.

-------------------------------
7. He does not get falling-down drunk...

He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

He practices his IMTs in the club.

-----------------------------
8. He is not short...

He is Anatomically Compact.

He suffers from a Napoleon Complex.

--------------------------------
9. He does not have a rich daddy...

He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.

He has the Army as a hobby.

---------------------------------
10. He does not constantly talk about cars...

He has a Vehicular Addiction.

He must be a Transporter.

---------------------------------
11. He does not have a hot body...

He is Physically Combustible.

He is a PT stud.

----------------------------------
12. He is not unsophisticated...

He is Socially Challenged.

He is a Ranger.

---------------------------------
13. He does not eat like a pig...

He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.

He eats like a Ranger student at Pizza Hut.

-------------------------------
14. He is not a bad dancer...

He is Overly Caucasian.

He is from the Muddy Boots Army.

-----------------------------------
15. He does not hog the blankets...

He is Thermally Unappreciative.

He is a Blue Falcon.

-----------------------------
16. He is not a male chauvinist pig...

He has Swine Empathy.

He must be combat arms.

-------------------------------
17. He is not afraid of commitment...

He is Monogamously Challenged.

He loves TDY.

==================================

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==================================

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WWII - B-25 MITCHELL BOMBER ATTACKS ENEMY NAVAL VESSEL - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/142296.html

TUGS PUSH US AIR CRAFT CARRIER TO DOCK IN FOREIGN PORT - COOL AERIAL TOP DOWN SHOT! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/142427.html

STRANGE CIRCLE OF DEATH - MOTORCYCLE & CAR WITH LION! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/142597.html

STRANGE CROCODILE MIXES IT UP WITH HIPPO'S - LOSES BIG TIME! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/142656.html

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STRANGE SKYDIVERS CLIMB ON TOP OF AIRPLANE - READY TO JUMP! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/142665.html

BASEBALL FAN "CATCHES" FOUL BALL - BALL THREE! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/142666.html

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JEEP CROSSES RIVER ON DANGEROUS WOODEN CABLE BRIDGE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/142724.html

AMAZING - BACKHOE 'LIFTS' ITSELF INTO RAILROAD CAR - 4 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/142728.html

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

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Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

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Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

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All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

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Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

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Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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