Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: Juli 2013

Freitag, 26. Juli 2013

[b3ta] "THEY CAN'T BAN ASCII PORN"

This Week:
* RAP - Letter to David Cameron from Dan Bull
* INVESTIGATION - What egg cup part two
* QUESTION - Worst gig you've ever seen?

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving jizz for
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | Jesus. No idea what
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| that means. Sorry"

B3ta email 591 - 26 July 2013

Read this using using the Unix "say" command:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue591

Chums : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Bums : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
iPhone sock - thirteen million quid to you

If we were paying £13,000,000 for a mobile phone
case we'd not be happy about waiting 2 days for
delivery.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B001BOO4P6/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than making stains on the sofa

>> Letter to David Cameron from Dan Bull <<
ToryGov is proposing massive censorship of
the internet - apparently to 'protect the
children', but most likely to shore up their
own interests. Here's internet rapper Dan
Bull's take:
http://bit.ly/19m76oV

>> What Egg Cup - Part 2 <<
"I sent off some egg cup designs to an egg cup
manufacturer," writes Pig Face Turnip. Please,
BBC, give this guy a show. We'd deffo watch.
Call it 'Pig Face Turnip', too as that'll stand
out in the schedules.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/What_Egg_Cup_Part_2

>> "My Dad's sculptures" <<
Flatfrog writes, "My Dad asked me to help put
some pictures of his sculptures online. He's
been making them for about twenty years now and
I genuinely think he's brilliant."
http://bit.ly/13ifoa6

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Unreasonable Cruelty

We wanted your memories of the times you'd
taken it a little *too* far:
http://b3ta.com/questions/unreasonablecruelty/

* ROAD RASH - "As a littl'un, about 6 or 7 years
old, we used to hang about and ride our BMXs in
a gravelly lane behind a friend's house. One day
someone came off their bike at speed and scraped
practically all the skin off his forearm. He was
doing the whole 'don't cry' breathing, wincing,
lip-wobbling thing when an older girl, probably
about 16-ish came running up with a bag of
shopping. 'Bloody hell, are you OK? I've got
something for that in my bag,' she says and
promptly gets out a plastic lemon and squirts it
all over his arm. She then ran laughing while he
screamed his fucking head off. I imagine she's
in prison now for poisoning people's pets or
something." (Fart through a Walkie Talkie)

* CATKINS - "I managed to sell the stupidest boy
in my class some fuzzy, little pussy willow
catkin things as pets. I told him they were in
the pupal stage and would soon emerge as
poisonous fighting butterflies. When he came to
me 2 weeks later to tell me nothing had
happened, I told him they'd obviously died due
to his mistreatment. I did feel guilty watching
the tears well up in the poor little fucker's
eyes, but not for very long." (Smash Monkey)

* GEORGE - "You know what's really cruel? Making
baby lizard people wear human skin suits, just so
they'll be accepted as our heads of state."
(Munsta)

>> This Week - BAD GIGS <<
Been to see some talentless gits on stage
recently? Had your enjoyment spoiled by a
twat with an iPad filming the whole thing?
Been bottled off? Tell us all:
http://b3ta.com/questions/badgigs/

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: USVSTH3M - Games special
The 'other' project B3ta staff do

* HOW GEEKY ARE YOU - a personality quiz. We
come out about 80% and if you get 100%? Hmm.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/how-geeky-are-you/

* GRAMMAR GAME - can you tell you're from your?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/write/

* COUNT THE KITTENS - how good are you at
estimating the amount of kittens on your
LCD monitor?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/count-the-kittens/

Follow us on Twitter for the latest updates.
https://twitter.com/usvsth3m

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

* ISP STICKS IT TO THE GOV - respect to Andrews
& Arnold Ltd. for telling our shitty government
where to go, over their obscene and illiberal
censorship plan.
http://aa.net.uk/kb-broadband-realinternet.html

* PRISON FACILITIES OF THE US - did you know
there's 4,916 prisons in the USA? Here's photos
of all of them. Terrifying - their captivity
rate is 0.7% of adults.
http://prisonmap.com/

* NOSELESS GIFS - people look creepy without
noses. Who knew?
http://imgfave.com/collection/245499/Noseless%20Gifs

* ANIMATED BEER LABELS - beware: if you're
trying not to drink, your resolve will be
weakened by these enticing images.
http://beerlabelsinmotion.tumblr.com/

* STUPIDEST LETTER EVER SENT TO A RECORD LABEL -
and that's including the note we sent to FM
Revolver records in Wolverhampton in 1992, asking
them to listen to our dance remix of the Archers
theme tune.
http://bit.ly/11cD3es

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Imagine if TV was on in the office. Oh it is now

* SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE DUCK TALES - because
ducks don't have sphincters. Did you know that?
DID YOU?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1038038

* WILL.I.AM BABBLES NONSENSE - actually, not
all of it is nonsense but the delivery is so
weird that he looks he's on special brain
medicine. BTW: WILL.I.AM is a brilliant name,
as it directs your computer straight to his
website. He's not so dumb.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gFA7DUM008

* HIGH-FIVING CAT - if this was our cat we'd get
an agent. The fucker needs a film deal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=679V-3Ibjqg

* TV TRAFFIC PRESENTER ACCIDENTALLY DRAWS COCK
- we've all done this, admit it. You're
casually presenting the traffic news on TV,
then suddenly you draw a penis.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW9Fiu9IlA4

* MILEY CYRUS WITHOUT MUSIC - Miley is going
through that phase in her career where she
wants to look like a mental. Collegehumor is
helping her achieve this by replacing her music
with sound FX.
http://bit.ly/15Ce8AF

* "ICE ICE BABY" SUNG BY THE MOVIES -
Painstakingly-researched version of the 1990
Vanilla Ice hit. Actually did he have another
hit? Don't email in, we really don't give a poo
whether he did or not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxCKw3VbU54

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Stock Photo Challenge

Last week we wanted you to replace
classic album covers with appropriate
stock photos. It was AMAZING.

Your favourites included:

* HELMET: best-selling, chart-thrashing
classic, recreated via the medium of
handsome builder (Ninj)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10983891

* RADIO: macho punk rock behemoth
feminised by bow-tied old-time
broadcasting beauty (Jabberwoc)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10983599

* HOTSHOT: the smug bastard king of all
of stock photography, versus the Beatles
(c@bbage)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10983810

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/stock-photo-albums/

>> New challenge: Donkeys <<
There are more than 40 million donkeys in
the world, mostly in underdeveloped
countries, where they are used
principally as draught or pack animals.
This week's challenge is to Photoshop the
donkey's delightful, fuzzy features with
hilarious results, etc.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/donkeys/

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include:

* A BAN ON LANGUAGE LIKE "When I hear X I reach
for my pistol" & "Hang onto your hats". Your
readers aren't wearing hats and you don't have a
pistol.

* CAMERON BLOCK - a site that blocks any mention
of Cameron and his odious friends.

* A BUTTON THAT ALLOWS US TO INSTANTLY SLEEP -
such a waste of time, that hour or so or trying
to drop off.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

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Splitters: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by daf,
witty_ditty and Mokoshne.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via emvee.

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TOP TIP:
Find out what the weather is all day long, by
logging onto Facebook. (robneymcplum)

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Mittwoch, 24. Juli 2013

Vol 1237 - July 24, 2013 - You Know You're From Michigan if....

SPECIAL HOLIDAY E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

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JULY FUN

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

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NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/news_10080.html
STRANGE CARNIVAL COSTUMES AND PARADE FLOATS - WILD!

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/news_10477.html
STRANGE WORKPLACE ACTION GIF'S - GOOFY OFFICE PROBLEMS - STRANGENESS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_8164.html
NEW - STRANGE OLDE TATTOOS - CLASSIC AND VINTAGE EXAMPLES

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_1684.html
STRANGE TRICYCLES & UNICYCLES & BIKE STUFF

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_10835.html
CLASSIC OLDE CARS - 1950'S - 1960'S RARE CONCEPT CARS - FEW SEEN BEFORE!

==================================

Strange Quotes About Politicians:

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - Henry Louis Mencken

If a politician isn't doing it to his wife, then he's doing it to his country. - Amy Grant

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
Henry Kissinger

One has to be a lowbrow, a bit of a murderer, to be a politician, ready and willing to see people sacrificed, slaughtered, for the sake of an idea, whether a good one or a bad one. - Henry Miller

A politician will do anything to keep his job - even become a patriot. - William Randolph

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. - Lily Tomlin

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - You Know You're From Michigan if....

1. You've never met any celebrities.

2. "Vacation" means going to Cedar Point.

3. At least 1 member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan/Michigan State game.

4. Half the change in your pocket is Canadian... eh!

5. You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

6. Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange
barrel.

7. You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.

8. It's easy to get VERNORS ginger ale and Sanders hot fudge sauce, and Faygo pop.

9. You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".

10. You've had to switch on the "heat" and the "A/C" in the same day.

11. You bake with SODA and drink a POP.

12. The movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight" wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary.

13. Your little league game was snowed out.

14. The word "thumb" has geographical, rather than anatomical significance.

15. You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your right hand.

16. Traveling coast-to-coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.

17. You measure distance in miles not minutes.

18. When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left".

19. You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but isn't that far from Hell.

20. Your year has 2 seasons: Winter and Construction.

21. Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas.

22. You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.

23. Owning a Japanese car was a hangin' offense in your hometown.

24. You believe that "down south" means Toledo.

25. You refer to Bad Axe as 'Nasty Hatchet'

26. The Krauts in Frankenmuth love to see pictures of your Christmas tree.

27. You lost your virginity up at Higgins or Houghton to some skank from Detroit.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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BRITISH NAVY CELEBRATES BIRTH OF BABY BOY! - HMS KENT SALUTES DUKE & DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE - FORM HUMAN "BOY" ON TAIL OF SHIP - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/188892.html

AMAZING FARM HARVESTING AERIAL PHOTO - 25 HUGE COMBINES PERFECTLY LINED UP AND HARVESTING THE CROP - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/188849.html

STRANGE NHL HOCKEY GOALS AND FIGHTS - ACTION GIF'S CATCH ALL THE SCORING! - SLAP SHOT SHOOTS STICK IN HALF! - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/188812.html

OCEAN DANGERS - INCREDIBLE SHOT OF HUGE WAVE COMING ASHORE - POPLE FROM DOCK TRY TO WARN PEOPLE IN A BOAT ABOUT TO GET SWAMPED! - WILD ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188893.html

WHY I GOT FIRED SERIES - FORK-LIFT DRIVER BUMPS JUST ONE SHELF - EVERYTHING - ENTIRE WAREHOUSE CRASHES DOWN - BURIES HIM!! - FUNNY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/188899.html

STRANGE GOLD FOIL CAMERO CONVERTIBLE - WHEELS AND ALL! - 2 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/188900.html

STRANGE TRAVEL DESTINATIONS - AMAZING CRYSTAL MOSQUE COVERED WITH GEMS AND CUT GLASS - AMAZING! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188902.html

STRANGE PHYSICAL DEFORMITIES OF THE STARS - ELIZABETH BERKLEY'S EYES - HALF BROWN - HALF GREEN! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/188903.html

STRANGE SUMMER FARM FUN - HOME MADE SWIMMING POOL DESIGNED FROM HAY BALES - LARGE TARPS AND LONG STRAP! - TAKE A DIP! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/188904.html

THE STRANGE GRANNY DRUMMER EVERYONE IS BUZZING ABOUT! - OLD AGE FUN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188905.html

STRANGE OLDE MUSIC STARS - JOHNNY CASH AT FOLSON PRISON SINGING THE BLUES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188906.html

STRANGE OLDE TYME FUN - THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN WITH THE FREAK SHOW. - THE MULE FACED MAN AND ELEPHANT FACE GIRL - GREAT BILLBOARDS! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/188907.html

STRANGE LOOK DOWN VIEW OF BATTLESHIP DECK - COVERED WITH 14 INCH AMMO! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/188908.html

AMAZING HOUSE! - BEAUTIFUL COTTAGE IN THE WOODS WITH SWIRLING ROOF LINES AROUND BUG EYED WINDOWS - COOL - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/188895.html

TIGER WOODS STARES AT BLONDE DURING FORMAL CEREMONY AT ROYAL & ANCIENT EVENING AT BRITISH OPEN - ALSO ZACH JOHNSON. MATT KUCHER, & OTHERS - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/188894.html

STRANGE FOOD FUN - CREATE SMILING WATERMELON - 6 STAGE EXAMPLE OF HOW TO CARVE IT! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/188896.html

STRANGE GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS - LARGEST DOG - "ZEUS" 1.12 METERS TALL! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/188897.html

STRANGE WHALE FUN - 3 BELUGA WHALE PASS CIRCULAR AIR BUBBLE FROM ONE TO ANOTHER - THE LAST ONE SWIMS THROUGH IT! - STRANGE ANIMALS - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/188898.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SZ - WATER - FRESH WATER - Lakes - Ponds - Fish - Amphibians - Rivers - Ducks

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/100669_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Fish Facts... - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/133187.html

50 Greatest One-hit Wonders - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134856.html

30 Strangest Lawsuits - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/133614.html

Strange Senior Moments, Tales and Advice - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/171958.html

The Top 5 Most Counterfeited Items Sold Online - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/168674.html

Top 10 Movie Quotes of All Time - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/167205.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SZ - WATER - FRESH WATER - Lakes - Ponds - Fish - Amphibians - Rivers - Ducks

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

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Sonntag, 21. Juli 2013

Vol 1236 - July 21, 2013 - Strange Gibraltar Facts - Named After a Slave!

Strange E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

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JULY FUN

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/news_2352.html
STRANGE DATING - HOOKING UP - GOING OUT!

http://www.strangecollege.com/content/item/news_3049.html
TOP 7 CELEBRITY TATTOO'S - ALYSSA MILANO - ASIA ARGENTO - PAM ANDERSON - ANGELINA JOLIE - ANA BEATRIZ BARROS - JESSIE JANE - CHRISTINA AGUILERA

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/news_10511.html
AMAZING AERIAL FARM FIELD VIEWS - CORN MAZES - PORTRAITS - COOL STUFF!

http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/news_10101.html
THE 30 WORST BASEBALL CARDS IN HISTORY

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/news_6868.html
STRANGE VTOL (VERTICAL TAKE OFF & LANDING) AIRCRAFT

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Strange Insults:

Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.

Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

She has a nice butter face. Everything looks nice, but her face.

She thinks the rear view mirror is for putting on make-up.

Do you want do die stupid?

Do you want me to accept you as you are or do you want me to like you?

Doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Gibraltar Fact - Named After a Slave!

Gibraltar named after a slave

Mohammed's followers burst out of Arabia after his death in 632 and by the end of the 7th century their descendants had conquered the whole of North Africa. The first Moslem incursion into Iberia was in 710, when a small reconnaissance force landed at the southernmost point of the peninsula. The following year a former slave, a Berber by the name of Tariq ibn-Ziyad, led an army of about 7 000 ashore at a point close to the huge rock which dominates the entrance to the Mediterranean. They called the rock Jabal Tariq, or Tariq's Mount, and eventually Christian tongues changed it to Gibraltar.

Or is it?
Prior to the invasion of the Iberian Peninsular by Tariq, small incursions and recces were conducted by Tarif ibn Malik Nakli, who reported that Spain was ripe for the picking. According to Tito Vallejo in his article in the Gibraltar Chronicle, when Tariq landed in Gibraltar in 711, the Rock was named Jabal Al Fath and the town Medinat Al Fath, which mean the Mountain of Victory and the City of Victory respectively.

The Arab word Tariq means track or path. The Rock of Gibraltar became "Jabal Tariq" or The Mountain of the Path, for the Path of Islam into the Iberian Peninsula. The theory is that the Muslims, at the height of their religious fervour, would not dare to name the mountain after the name of a person but rather in honour of their religion.

End of the earth

Before Columbus "discovered" America, Gibraltar was considered to be the end of the earth. The Spanish town of Tarifa is named after the Arab word Taraf, which means the end of something. Going beyond Tarifa meant that you would fall over the edge of the earth.

It took 2 years for Tariq's small force to subdue the peninsula. But after crossing the Pyrenees, they were defeated by the Franks and withdrew. Tariq ibn-Ziyad died about 720. Gibraltar was recaptured by the Castilians in 1309 but was regained by the Moors in 1333 and held until 1462, when it finally passed from Moorish possession. In 1502, it was annexed to the Spanish crown. In 1830, Gibraltar became a British crown colony.

After the sacking of Gibraltar by the Algerian corsair Barbarossa II (Khayr ad-Din, 1483?- 1546) in 1540, the Rock was furnished with strong defenses by command of Holy Roman Emperor Charles V. On July 24, 1704, during the War of the Spanish Succession, Gibraltar was captured by combined English and Dutch forces. In 1830, Gibraltar was named a crown colony.

See: Gibraltar named after a slave

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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THE KING OF CATS - SIBERIAN CAT EZRA AMUR - 1 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/188735.html

STRANGE NHL HOCKEY GOALS AND FIGHTS - ACTION GIF'S CATCH ALL THE SCORING! - GREAT GOALS - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/188799.html

YESTERDAY'S FARMERS AND THEIR STRANGE EQUIPMENT - STRANGE SUCTION UNIT IN THE FRONT SEND'S IT TO A HUGE COLLECTION BIN IN THE BACK - ANYONE KNOW WHAT THIS IS? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/188847.html

FARM FUN AND DANGERS - FARMER IN TRACTOR TAKES ON A BUCK WITH A HUGE ANTLER RACK - RUTTING SEASON CAN GET TRICKY - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/188859.html

AGELESS STARS - HOW HOT IS CHRISTIE BRINKLEY AT 58? - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/188878.html

STRANGE BANANA ART - FABULOUS FACES AND CREATURES - JUST BITE THEIR HEADS OFF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188879.html

STRANGE NEW FARMING TECHNIQUES - OVERHEAD STRAWBERRY PATCH! - EASY TO PICK! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/188880.html

MLB BASEBALL DANGERS - FOUL TIP STRAIGHT BEHIND HOMEPLATE KNOCKS OFF UMPIRES MASK - OUCH! NASTY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/188881.html

AMAZING TIME LAPSE PHOTOS OF WORLD TRADE CENTER REPLACEMENT SKYSCRAPER CONSTRUCTION ROM VARIOUS ANGLES - AMAZING ACTION GIF - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/188882.html

OUCH - THAT'S GOT TO HURT - PERFECT BELLY FLOP FROM THE HIGH DIVE - HELP ME OUT! - FUN ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188883.html

STRANGE CUSTOM CAR - VERY VERY STRANGE! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/188884.html

STRANGE SPORTS FANS - TOUR DE FRANCE BICYCLE RIDER IS TAUNTED BY HALF NAKED MAN RUNNING ALONG SIDE CARRYING A BIG STUFFED ANIMAL - http://www.strangedsports.com/content/item/188885.html

STRANGE PHYSICAL DEFORMITIES OF THE STARS - ASHTON KUCHER - WEBBED TOES! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/188886.html

STRANGE SNEAKY FURNITURE - SECRET SHELF HAS MAGNET HANDLE TO DIE MONEY AND VALUABLES - VERY INCONSPICUOUS - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/188887.html

TRAVEL FUN - STRANGE HIDDEN BEACH - MARIETA ISLANDS OFF PUERTO VALLARTA - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/188888.html

STRANGE YELLOW SNAKE ATTACKS A RED WATER BALLOON - FUN ACTION GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/188889.html

MILITARY FUN TIMES - F-16 MAKES A HIGH SPEED PASS CLOSE TO SHIP - AMAZING VAPOR TRAILS. FLY-BY FUN ACTION GIF - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/188890.html

STRANGE OLDE POLICE VEHICLES - 1930'S COOK COUNTY SHERIFF / POLICE SEDAN - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/188891.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - CARS - VOLKSWAGEN - THE BUG - BEETLE - VW BUS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100507_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

8 Strange Overdoses - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/188837.html

Seven of the Toughest Women in History - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175897.html

Tech Support Classics - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/109520.html

8 Strange Drive-Thru Services Around The World - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/175994.html

Actual Exchanges Between Pilots and Control Towers - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/176013.html

10 Strange and Fascinating Medical Tales - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/166184.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - CARS - VOLKSWAGEN - THE BUG - BEETLE - VW BUS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

==========================

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Freitag, 19. Juli 2013

[b3ta] B3ta worth $18bn more than Detroit

This Week:
* HORROR - Your body-wrongs
* CATS - Your name in frisky felines
* iOS7 - You redesign Apple's greatest mistake

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "¿Qué?"
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ |
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|

B3ta email 590 - 19 JUL 2012

Remember this newsletter while eating a madeleine:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue590

Ups : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Downs : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Lego Airport Security Check In

Nice to see Lego keeping up with the post-9/11
security crackdown that made the airport a
thoroughly miserable experience for all
travellers. Amusing reviews, if that's your
thing, and, as you're reading B3ta, it could
well be. Or maybe you're just using us for the
sex.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0002CYTL2/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK

>> The Alphabet - Part One <<
"My latest animation," explains Paolo, of this
charming visual alphabet. Only goes to D so
far, but he's planning on going the whole way -
the crazy fool.
http://vimeo.com/paulrayment/thealphabet

>> Kittens fighting <<
"I saw two kittens fighting," begins
timoncheese. "So I filmed them for a bit and
made this." The episodic structure makes their
scampering antics all the more charming. You
don't want to get kitten overload.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1035468

>> Photos from London <<
"This is a moving pictures account of our trip
to London," writes Black Moon. Nice visual
effects, make this very 'Harry Potter wizard
pics'.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Photos_from_London

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Body Horror

Last week we wanted to know if your own body
had ever made you recoil in disgust. Read on,
and recoil in disgust:
http://b3ta.com/questions/bodyhorror/

* SCROTE - "I had a hangover. In the bathroom
the retching outlasted the contents of my
stomach, and stringy bile began to spatter atop
the undigested Guinness and chips in the
toilet. Then blood appeared. Then more blood.
Blood upon blood upon blood. Terror gripped me.
I managed to stop retching long enough to look
down my throat in the mirror. My uvula (the
little dangly thing at the back) was horribly
swollen and hanging very low. And it was
resting right on that sick-inducing sweet-spot
- it was like having a finger permanently
shoved down my throat. Panic set in, I couldn't
breathe and I had my first full-blown anxiety
attack. A few hours later, when I'd calmed
down, I went to hospital. The doctor couldn't
explain it. "These things sometimes happen," he
remarked, like a true professional. "Gargle
some aspirin or something," he suggested
helpfully. My uvula is now hideously
disfigured. Where once there was a smooth
teardrop of flesh, there's now something that
looks alarmingly like a ballsack, with one side
hanging lower than the other: basically I puked
so hard I grew a ballsack in my mouth."
(CopyBeard)

* POO - "I had a small lump in my neck. It
wasn't painful, or anything. Just a lump. Then
one morning, it was gone, and all I found was a
little lump of poo in my bed. I can only assume
I had a neck poo. I was not happy."
(Windy Pig)

* GUTS - "A couple of weeks back I got home
late, and there, on my step, was the body of a
seagull chick. I hate the screeching fucks, so
I didn't go all girly at this tragic loss of
life. No, I bent down to take a closer look. It
was a damp night, and the tiny fluffy body was,
grotesquely, covered in slugs. There was no way
I was picking up a sluggy corpse. Disposal
could wait... Next day was hot. I got out of
bed and ran out to meet my Dad. Through the
conservatory. Over the patio. Down the steps.
And onto a sweaty rancid juvenile avian corpse.
Barefoot. Bowels exploded out of its arse and
decorated the steps with delicate pinky-brown
tubes; my next step landed in them. I can
honestly say that sitting on a curb dry-heaving
with a foot-full of entrails is a humbling
experience. There's nothing as fucking
disgusting as having to wash day-old guts from
between your toes with a hosepipe."
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini)

>> This Week - UNREASONABLE CRUELTY << Your all
little angels, of course, but tell us of the
times when events have taken a turn for the
harsh:
http://b3ta.com/questions/unreasonablecruelty/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Your name in cats <<
Internet, your long wait is over.
http://nekofont.upat.jp/en/

>> Painting with words <<
An excellent new way to waste time when you
should be working.
http://tholman.com/texter/

>> 80s handheld LCD games simulator <<
This site lets you play loads of 80s electronic
handheld games like Game & Watch.
http://www.pica-pic.com/#/castle_adventure/

>> People in pizza costumes becoming full pizzas <<
Some fancy dress costume are just begging to be
made into animated gifs. These are those.
http://bit.ly/i4nNu

>> The 100m scroll <<
The afternoon simply dragging on? Try this
simple game that involves dragging your scroll
wheel over 100m as quickly as you possibly can.
http://the100meterscroll.com/

>> Instant Streetview <<
Quite exciting to just type in the name of a
location and have it pop up on Streetview -
rather than all the faff of dragging the little
man all over a map.
http://www.instantstreetview.com/

>> Should I read the Daily Mail? <<
The only website you'll need today. The only
website you'll need any day. Except Sunday.
Somebody needs to make
shouldIreadthemailonsunday.com
http://shouldireadthedailymail.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: USVSTH3M
That other website that shares our love

>> Redesign iOS7 <<
All the top designers are sticking their oar
in, on how Apple's latest can be made... well,
good. Why not have a go for yourself, with this
handy toy?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/redesign-ios-7/

>> The One Second Stopwatch game <<
Try to stop the Casio digital watch at exactly
1 second. Painstakingly faithful recreation of
an old favourite childhood game.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/watch/

>> How Katie Hopkins trolls for £££ profit <<
We largely ignored Katie Hopkins's latest
outburst: how boring, she's being mean about
people to create a twit-storm. Yawn. But then
we realised there was method to her crassness.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/55857079607/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
When will pixels finally be obsolete?

>> Quadruple Robo Backflip <<
Amazing athleticism from diminutive robot
gymnast.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Quadruple_Robo_Backflip

>> Stag party 'bridge jump' troll <<
Particularly good example of how being invited
on a stag party makes your best buddies into
your most fiendish foes. Groom blindfolded and
told everyone was about to jump off a bridge.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1035884

>> Speedrun: Blade Runner in 60 Seconds <<
Blazing fast, animated recap of the Ridley
Scott classic, that barely pauses to draw
breath. "I said let's go!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1033656

>> Rolling Clay with Keith <<
Pottery enthusiast embraces his inner Adele.
Genuinely lovely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMzL1T8MjWQ

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the ??? Challenge

Last week we wanted you to save the music
industry by saving money. How? By replacing
classic album covers with photographically
appropriate stock images.

Your favourites included:

* THRILLER - Very safe reinterpretation of
Jacko classic
(Ninj)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10983891

* LONDON CALLING - Somehow both very literal
and totally different
(Jabberwoc)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10983599

* ODELAY - Spot-on recreation
(VicBrown)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10983828

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/stock-photo-albums/

>> New challenge: ???? <<
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/????

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

>> The making of 'I Love You So Hard' <<
"I'm always totally astounded by the sheer
amount of work that went into this epochal
piece of work," exclaims Joel Veitch. "Mainly
on the part of animator Ross Butters.

"Here's the full 'making of' film, so you can
see the glory of the final result in all its...
err.... glory."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1035370

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include:

* TURN OFF THE MAIL - Can someone start a
Kickstarter to buy the Daily Mail and switch it
off?

* AMOEBA PENIS-SCROLL - How long it would take
to scroll the average penis in HTML5 if you
were the size of an amoeba?

* TOILET DOOR OPENING HAND-HOOKS for when
you're not sure if other people in the office
have washed their hands. Important: Hand-hooks
must be designed to not make you look like a
weirdo.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Friends: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Twats: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Captain Howdy,
Dawn Of The Bread, The Tramp Surveyor.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Atomic cocks! Give people cancer with your
radioactive jizz (2 Can Chunder)

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Mittwoch, 17. Juli 2013

Vol 1235 - July 17, 2013 - Strange 'CAKE' Personality Test

SPECIAL HOLIDAY E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

---------------------------------------

JULY FUN

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/news_2863.html
STRANGE & COLORFUL THINGS THAT FLY

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_5501.html
STRANGE RAILROAD TRAINS - LOCOMOTIVES - RAIL CARS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_10738.html
OLDE STARS AND THEIR FANCY CARS - FROM A 1911 MODEL T TO NEWER ROLLS ROYCE'S

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_10533.html
NEW - STRANGE US DOLLAR BILLS FROM THE PAST - OTHER DENOMINATIONS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_11216.html
CADILLAC - THE WORLDS BEST! FAMOUS THROUGH OUT HISTORY FOR BEAUTY AND QUALITY - THE STANDARD!

==================================

Strange "Marriage" Quotes:

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Anonymous

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" - Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.' - Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.' - Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives.

The first one left me, and the second one didn't.' - James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.... - Nash

You know what I did before I married?

Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.

Then we met. - Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' - Anonymous

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -'CAKE' Personality Test

Take this cake personality test; then, send this e-mail on to others.

When you send this e-mail on, put your cake in the subject box above. No cheating. Pick your cake then, look to see.

If you were buying a cake and you had your choice of the following, which would you choose:

Angel food

Brownies

Lemon Meringue

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing

Strawberry Short Cake

Chocolate on Chocolate

Ice Cream

Carrot Cake

NO...you can't change your mind once you scroll down So think carefully, what your choice will be!!!

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you:

Angel food ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being child-like and immature at times.

Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, &articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing ... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life, very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad, however, you are a friend for life.

Strawberry Short Cake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly-emotional and annoying at times.

Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

Ice Cream... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. ! People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

EXTREME ALASKA TALENTS - BUSH PILOT MAKES A DANGEROUS RIVER LANDING ON WATER - ROUGH BEACH WITH HUGE ROCKS - DANGEROUS ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188750.html

STRANGE TOMBSTONES - THE STORY OF THE CONFEDERATE CAMELS DEATH BY UNION SHARP SHOOTERS DURING THE CIVIL WAR! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/188795.html

STRANGE BODY PARTS - A CHILD'S SKULL DEPICTING WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE BEFORE THEY LOSE THEIR BABY TEETH - STRANGE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188796.html

STRANGE SKULLS & SERPENTS $70,000 PEN BEING SOLD ON AMAZON - MONTEGRAPPA LIMITED EDITION 18 KT GOLD ROLLER BALL PEN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188797.html

STRANGE NHL HOCKEY GOALS AND FIGHTS - ACTION GIF'S CATCH ALL THE SCORING! - GREAT GOALS - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/188798.html

MLB BASEBALL DANGERS - SFO GIANTS PITCHER MAKES FUNNY FACE AFTER UMPIRE GETS HIT IN THE PRIVATES BY HIS BOUNCE PITCH! - PAINFUL ACTION GIF - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/188821.html

THE TREMENDOUS POWER OF WATER - IN CHINA, PEOPLE COME TO THIS DAMN EACH YEAR TO WATCH THEM OPEN IT UP AND CLEAN OUT THE ACCUMULATED SILT -WOW! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/188826.html

RARE PHOTO OF THE ONLY SST (SUPER SONIC TRANSPORT) THE USA DESIGNED FLYING OVER SAN FRANCISCO - THE CONCORDE AND THE 2 RUSSIAN TU-144'S WERE THE WINNERS AND THE US BOWED OUT - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/188825.html

BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO BE SEXY - ATTRACTIVE GIRL ACTING SULTRY LEANS OVER BALCONY AND CLOCKS HER HEAD ON THE SPINNING CEILING FAN! - OUCH ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188828.html

STRANGE AERIAL VIEW OF CRAZY ENGLISH FARM FIELD - HUGE DALIEKS ROBOT CREATED FROM FIELD ALONG WITH 2 STARS PICTURES OF THE DR. WHO SERIES - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/188827.html

STRANGE TANK CAMOUFLAGE - SOD AND MOSS COVERING AND TREE BARK COVERS THE LONG GUN BARREL! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/188829.html

STRANGE OLDE TYPEWRITER - OLD KEYBOARD HAS DIFFERENT SHADES OF COLORS TO CREATE AN ENTIRE PAGE OF FULL COLOR - COOL! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/188830.html

OCEAN DANGERS - INCREDIBLE SHOT OF HUGE WHALE TAIL SMASHING DOWN VERY CLOSE TO CLUELESS SURFER! - DANGER! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/188831.html

MOUNTAIN BIKE FOREST DANGERS - UNEXPECTED DEER JUMPS RIGHT ON TO MOUNTAIN BIKE RIDER AND KNOCKS HIM OVER - DANGEROUS BIKING ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/188832.html

STRANGE OLDE FIRE FIGHTING JEEP - CJ-3B - KAISER WILLY'S - SET OF FOR DEEP FOREST PENETRATION - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/188833.html

STRANGE OLDE DOCUMENTS - COPY OF TITANIC PASSENGER TICKET - WHITE STAR LINES - DEPICTS ALL DATES AND DETAILS NECESSARY! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/188834.html

STRANGE PHYSICAL DEFORMITIES OF THE STARS - OPRAH AND 6 TOES ON ONE FOOT! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188835.html

STRANGE FOOD FUN - CREATE YOUR OWN GUMMY WORMS - JUST POOR LIQUID CANDY INTO STRAWS BANDED TOGETHER! - TILT RIPPLES SHOW BAND! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/188836.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - ARMORED VEHICLES - TANKS - HUMVEES - ARTILLERY - BIG GUNS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100039_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Retirement of General "Mad Dog" Mattis. My Kind'a Guy! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/188822.html

20 Strange Famous Last Words - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/166183.html

1895 8th Grade Exam - How'd You Do? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/21478.html

Actual Test Answers By Our Genius Children - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/23299.html

MUST READ! Outcome Based Education - Student Bloopers! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/23797.html

Top 10 Men Who Were Really Women - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/166182.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - ARMORED VEHICLES - TANKS - HUMVEES - ARTILLERY - BIG GUNS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

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Do NOT Reply to this automated e-Letter: E-Mail replies to this message will not be seen.

To Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Sonntag, 14. Juli 2013

Vol 1233 - July 14, 2013 - Strange Occupations - You Might Be A Nurse If...BTY -GEORGE ZIMMERMAN JUST PRONOUNCED INNOCENT!!!!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

July Fun !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_10651.html
STRANGE MAPS OF THE WORLD AND USA - INDIAN TRIBES - RELIGION - WINDY STATES - OLD AND NEW!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_9623.html
THE HISTORY AND BEAUTY OF RAQUEL WELCH - 1964 THRU 2010'S

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/news_10680.html
DANGEROUS WEATHER - HUGE WATERSPOUTS SCARING SEAMAN AND HARBORMASTERS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_10289.html
STRANGE COMMERCIAL VEHICLES - OSCAR MEYERMOBILE - CHICKEN CARS

==================================

Strange "PC" Quotes:

"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." (This guy has nailed it.)

"Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry."

"I am sorry sir, this is a non-smoking mountain." -- Broadcaster David Frost on what official told friend about to light up on skiing holiday at Aspen.

"The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half as powerful as the Vulcan Groin Kick, but it's more politically correct"

"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." George Bernard Shaw

"A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money." G. Gordon Liddy

"Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries." Douglas Casey, Georgetown U. (1992)

"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." Ronald Reagan (1986)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - You Might Be a Nurse if?

~ You avoid unhealthy looking peoples in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

~ It doesn't bother you to eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand.

~ You've had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots."

~ You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.

~ You plan your next meal while performing gastric lavage.

~ You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.

~ You have your weekends off planned a year in advance.

~ You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered food.

~ You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

THE KING OF CATS - SIBERIAN CAT EZRA AMUR - 1 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/188735.html

JUST LAUNCHED - THE AZZAM - THE WORLDS BIGGEST YACHT - $610 MILLION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188755.html

STRANGE SEAFOOD - LOOK AT THE PEARLS THAT ARE GROWING IN THIS OYSTER - AMAZING - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/188756.html

SURPRISED BLONDE LADY AT SEAFOOD RESTAURANT FEEDING FISH BECOMES LUNCH FOR TROUT THAT LEAPS UP AND BITES HER HAND! - FUN ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188757.html

VAN FORCES CAR INTO HEAD ON CRASH WHEN IT SWERVES FROM ITS LANE - NASTY QUICK CRASH! - DANGERS HIGHWAY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangemedical.com/content/item/188758.html

STRANGE SPORTS FUN - ICE FISHING TREAT - CURIOUS LARGE FISH STICKS HEAD UP ICE HOLE AND GETS CAUGHT BE HANDS OF FISHERMAN! FUN COOL GIF - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/188774.html

STRANGE MULTI-COLORED HILLS - ALL COLORS! AMAZING - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/188775.html

MILITARY FUN - STRANGE SIDE VIEW OF B-2 BOMBER AND AN HAWK IN FLIGHT - EXACT SAME CONFIGURATION! - AMAZING - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188776.html

AMAZING DOUBLE WRAP AROUND MULTILEVEL REDWOOD DECK WITH HUGE FIRE-PIT IN THE MIDDLE - GREAT SUMMER EVENING FUN! - http://www.strangedcosmos.com/content/item/188777.html

STRANGE OLDE CONCEPT CARS - BASIC STRIPPED DOWN MODEL OF CHEVROLET CORVAIR WITH US AIR FORCE T-38 TRAINER IN THE BACKGROUND - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/188779.html

STRANGE FOOD FUN - CREATE 4 DIFFERENT WATERMELON FACES - CREATURES - WOW! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188780.html

STRANGE BUSINESS RESIGNATION LETTERS - DONE ON TOP OF A SHEET CAKE - YUP - HE'S OFF TO START HIS OWN BAKERY FEATURING CUSTOM CAKES FOR ALL OCCASIONS! - AKA MR. CAKE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188781.html

EXCEPTIONAL COLOR PHOTO OF P-38 LIGHTNING - SIDE VIEW FULL SPEED - - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/188789.html

AMAZING AERIAL PICTURE OF HUGE FARM FIELD FILLED WITH THOUSANDS OF TENTS AND STAGES - GIGANTIC OUTDOOR ROCK CONCERT - LOOKS LIKE FUN! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188790.html

RARE MARILYN MONROE POOLSIDE FLOATING ON A RUBBER DUCKIE - COOL! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/188791.html

AMAZING ARTWORK - INCREDIBLE DETAIL IN THIS WORLD FAMOUS PAINTING WITH DETAILED PICTURES PAINTED INSIDE DETAILED PICTURES! - WOW - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188792.html

STRANGE ANIMALS - FUNNY TRAP DOOR SPIDER - SLAMS DOOR IN YOUR FACE - FUNNY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/188793.html

HIGHWAY DRIVING DANGERS - HIGH WINDS CAUSE LARGE SEMI TRAILER TO TWIST INTO ANOTHER LANE BEFORE IT SETTLES BACK DOWN - AMAZING TRAFFIC HAZARDS ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188794.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - STRANGE TRAFFIC SIGNS - SIGNALS - BILLBOARDS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100016_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange St Louis History.................. - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/184599.html

Top 10 Most Stolen Luxury Cars 2012 - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/184455.html

7 Strange Reward Stories - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/183786.html

Strange Facts And Myths About Microwave Ovens! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/183584.html

Top 10 Strange and Unique Forests - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/183580.html

Strange French Fry Trivia - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/183427.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - STRANGE TRAFFIC SIGNS - SIGNALS - BILLBOARDS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

==========================

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Freitag, 12. Juli 2013

[b3ta] "Sweet dreams are made of cheese"

This Week:
* QUIZ - How wrong are your misconceptions?
* HOOLIGANS - narrated by David Attenborough
* DIGITAL WATCH - The Casio F-91W

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shaving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | our heads...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| together"

B3ta email 589 - 12 JUL 2013

Read this newsletter on your Kremlin typewriter:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue589

Pub : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Nub : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
Infant circumcision trainer

Worried you'll mess up your infant son's
circumcision? Practice on this uncanny,
anatomically-correct plastic simulacrum. Bit
pricey but, hey, what's the alternative?
Reviews, as ever, a joy. NSFWish.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0083Y0W26/b3ta-20

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Misperceptions, Hondas, EDL & Tubes

>> Social misperceptions quiz <<
"According to the results of a recent survey,
your average Brit is completely clueless about
all sorts of social issues," alleges c@bbage.
"I've turned the top 10 misperceptions into an
online quiz so you can see how well your views
match up with reality."
http://ruletheweb.co.uk/misperception/

>> Graham Murkett thinks about the EDL <<
somegreybloke ponders on how we should think
about the English Defence League. Are they a
bunch of nazis, a progressive organisation or
are we missing a third option?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1030988

>> 'The Undercover Honda' teaser trailer <<
"Me and a couple of others have written a
comedy series," writes DefyingDarwin. "We've
shot a pilot episode to shop around to people
for some funding." The Undercover Honda follows
the misadventures of a pair of petty crooks,
through a camera hidden in their car.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1031660

>> How fucked are the Tubes? <<
"Ever wondered how fucked the Tubes are at the
moment?" asks pissycocks. Using publicly-
available data, this website tells you just
how well London Underground is operating.
Or it's a cheap gag.
http://howfuckedarethetubes.com/

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: USVSTH3M
The "other" project run by B3taish people

* YOU CAN'T DO SIMPLE MATHS UNDER PRESSURE - can
you reach level 10 and get an invite to the
'maths party'?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/maths/

* THE GOOGLE AUTOCOMPLETE QUIZ - We've been
typing celebrities' names into Google and
learned that the autocomplete is like a
crowdsourced two minutes of hate. We thought,
"Oooh! Quiz!" Obviously.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/googleautocompletequiz/

* TEN REASONS WE LOVE OUR CASIO F-91W DIGITAL
WATCH - We *heart* our digital watch. The battery
life is ten years, it cost about £5, it's
waterproof and, most of all, it's really useful
to know the time without having to fiddle with a
phone. Wear watches, people! They're great!
http://usvsth3m.com/post/55173874636/

* WHAT YOUR BEARD IS SAYING ABOUT YOU -
Illustrated timeline of chin-hair, with
explanations.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/54990652925/

We do a daily email of this shit - sign up.
http://bit.ly/ZizxOD

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Lucky Escapes

We wanted to know how close you'd come to
popping your clogs. Go read how to not to
retrieve an ashtray from a roof:
http://b3ta.com/questions/browntrousers/

* CAUGHT - "I have a mate who is a psychiatric
nurse. His job has stresses that I can barely
comprehend; many and various are the tales of
psychotic patients doing amusing/amazing/
appalling things. To compensate for this, he
does of course do massive drugs at the
weekends... So, bright one Monday morning, he
turns up at work barely conscious, parts of
his brain still asleep and others orbiting
Neptune. From the entrance door there's a
staircase leading upwards and as he opens the
door he sees movement above and instinctively
catches the object flying toward him. Frankly
'Coordinated' is not a word I associate with
this guy - he's more like a shambling pile of
dirty laundry that trails fag papers, knocked-
over mugs and broken appliances behind him -
so this was a pretty lucky catch. Especially
as the flying object turned out to be a baby.
Some muppet on the night-shift had given a
patient access to her child. So, I don't know
who you are, little baby, but you had the
luckiest of escapes that morning..."
(moon monkey)

>> This Week - BODY HORROR <<
Mictoboy writes, "I once picked a spot on my
cheek only for a half-inch long ingrown hair
to coil out covered in pus." Tell us your
story to make us boick here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/bodyhorror/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Buzzfeed deletes Buzzfeed parody article <<
Buzzfeed's been catching some flak after
explaining the Egyptian coup with Jurassic
Park gifs. Hence the sense of humour failure
when a user posted this excellent parody of
the site's distinctive journalistic idiom.
http://bit.ly/15uZ0XL

>> 7 Photoshop memes that never caught on <<
Remember Bangstaches? Voldemorting? That's
because they never became popular. Although
they were made up for this gag, we can't help
but feel they deserved a spell in the
spotlight. Poor little memes.
http://bit.ly/189iYHR

>> Middle-aged man things <<
If you have no middle-aged man available - fear
not. The internet always provides - here, it's
amusingly middle-age themed pics and a man to
answer your dad/DIY style questions.
http://justmiddleagedmanthings.tumblr.com/

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Schmideo Schschmideo Sussudeo

>> Weird, bouncy drumkit <<
Drummers - is there any way this kind of setup
improves the way drums sound, or is it just as
much boingy fun as it looks?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84UBS765IZg

>> News graphics fail <<
Try harder, mainstream news media. Try harder.
This is like something we'd make.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/News_Graphics_fail

>> Hooligan fight narrated by David Attenborough <<
Video of brawling soccer fans, with mellow
narration by king of voiceover, David
Attenborough.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1030829

>> Girl trampled by goats <<
Nasty stuff. Oh, who are we kidding - it's
adorable.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Girl_killed_by_goats

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Sometimes we feel like the
whole world is trolling us

"Friend of mine found this amusingly-named
kitchen company in the States," writes Fray
Bentos. "Ideal for preparing plums, massaging
dough-balls etc."
http://www.bollocktops.com/

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Shoe Challenge

Last week we wanted you to revel in the
magnificence of shoes

Your favourites included:

* TESTES: vivid pink ladywear enhanced by
sequinned man-sack (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10979483

* TIME: era-jumping man-midget suffers
savage boot accident (1.618...)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10979697

* TUFNEL: mock rock star finds solace in
amplified footwear (Joe Scaramanga)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10979585

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/shoes/

>> New challenge: Earth 1.0 <<
This week's almighty task is show us
designs for the things that God threw
away, the things which never made it into
the finished version of our planet.
Suggested by mofaha.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/earth/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

>> See B3ta people drink. Talk to them too! <<
"For those able to visit parts of London, are
interested and haven't spotted it on the
calendar..." begins HappyToast. "There's a B3ta
London get-together with drinking and chatting
and drawing and stuff at the end of this month.

"Sign up, pop by, say hi. Let's get the loving
going."
http://b3ta.com/calendar/event/25046

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include:

* AUTO-TUNE OR NOT QUIZ - Can you tell if
something has been auto-tuned or is just being
sung to sound like that? Because these days, we
can't.

* POO SPRAY - A quick hardening fluorescent
spray for dog poo on pavements. Or for the
people who leave it there.

* DISTRIBUTED 'BUY ONE GET ONE FREE'. We hate
feeling forced to take home an excess of
whatever we popped to the shops for - but we'd
feel like a schmuck for not taking the extra
one. Can't somebody else take it?

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

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Da: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Nyet: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Enzyme,
redflame, Fluffster, Fartfurter.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.

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TOP TIP:
Artists, short of vegetables to draw a quick
still life? A dildo, painted green, makes a semi
realistic cucumber. (robneymcplum)