Vol 873 - Jan. 31, 2010 - Funny Things Said by Police

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Time for something NEW - we never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

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Strange Quotes About Retirement:

I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box. - Bette Davis quotes (American actress, 1908-1989)

I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy - Danny McGoorty Irish Pool Player

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. - George Burns

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez quotes (Puerto Rican golfer, b.1935)

Nothing is more usual than the sight of old people who yearn for retirement: and nothing is so rare than those who have retired and do not regret it - Charles de Saint-Evremond

When you retire, think and act as if you were still working; when you're still working, think and act a bit as if you were already retired. - Anonymous quotes

Sooner or later I'm going to die, but I'm not going to retire. - Margaret Mead

There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. - Robert Half

Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement. - Dwight Moody quotes (American evangelist 1839-1899)

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. - George Foreman

Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does - Anonymous

Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time. -Bernard M. Baruch quotes (American president, financier and adviser to US presidents, 1870-1965)

Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them. - Louis Armstrong (American leading trumpeter, 1901-1971)

There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. - Peter F. Drucker

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. - Jonathan Clements

Men seek out retreats for themselves in the country, by the seaside, on the mountains... But all this is unphilosophical to the last degree... when thou canst at a moment's notice retire into thyself. -Marcus Aelius Aurelius

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. - Vince Lombardi

Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on RETIREMENT. - Arthur E. Morgan

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Funny Things Said by Police

Funny Things Said by Police

1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal.

2. Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary!

3. Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.

4. Hurry it up? Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation. Do you have food and water in the car? This shouldn't take more than six hours.

5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive?

6. What do you mean I won't believe you? Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.

7. No, you've got that WRONG. I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun.

8. Of course you didn't DO it. You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION.

9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do? My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying.

10. HAVE A NICE DAY.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE DIVORCE CAKES - OUT WITH THE GARBAGE! - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/159581.html

STRANGE OLDE PIX - FEMALE TRAFFIC COP - NOTE GUN ON HER HIP - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/159723.html

CUTE - CUDDLY - FUZZY ANIMALS - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/160005.html

WWII - B-17 BOMBER - 'EAGER BEAVER' - COOL NOSE ART - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160084.html

THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE BURJ SKYSCRAPER DUBAI - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/160099.html

HOT ESPN SPORTS REPORTERS - ERIN ANDREWS - SEXY EVENING GOWN! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160124.html

SOUTH AFRICAN AIR FORCE PILOT ACCIDENTALLY EJECTS FROM PILATUS PC-7 Mk II - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/160158.html

STRANGE VAPOR TRAIL EFFECT OF MASSIVE WIND TURBINES! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/160164.html

WORLD'S BIGGEST SNAKES & LADDERS GAME - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160168.html

HUMOR IN THE NFL - TEXANS/JAGUARS GAME SALUTE TIGER! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/158666.html

STRANGE CUSTOM CAR FURNITURE - MOTORCYCLE CHAIR WITH BLACK LEATHER SIDE BAG - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/160198.html

WORLD'S WORST SPORTS UNIFORMS / KITS - PINK RUGBY WITH CHICK ON CHEST! - HOW EMBARRASSING! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160223.html

FARM BRIDE BAGS WEDDING TURKEY FOR RECEPTION! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/160239.html

2 STRANGE APES IN A ZOO - TWO THINKERS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/160244.html

STRANGE OLDE ASIAN POST CARDS CIRCA 1904 - GEISHA RICKSHAW - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160254.html

STRANGE BLONDE PLAYING STRANGE INSTRUMENT WITH A AUTO WINDSHIELD WIPER - IT'S HUGE! - http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/160260.html

STRANGE PICTURE IN A PICTURE PICTURE - BOY AND HORSE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/160265.html

UNDERCOVER BLONDE COP FRISKS SUSPECT - WAY UNDERCOVER! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/160272.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - SPORTS NEWS ANCHORS & REPORTERS - ESPN - HOT

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/101155_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Difference Between The North and South CLEARLY Explained! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/159453.html

Strange facts about Barbie Dolls - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/160169.html

Strange Inventions - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/160170.html

Strange and Disturbing Facts - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160171.html

Creative Puns For Educated Minds - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/159220.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - SPORTS NEWS ANCHORS & REPORTERS - ESPN - HOT

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

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[b3ta] "Hey you, the Rock Steady Crew, show 'em what to do, have a wank, do a poo"

 

This Week:
* PAIN - Musical Spock
* HORROR - The Thing UK
* WINDOWS - 3.1 in javascript

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving Robinsons
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | bottle tops to get
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| racist badges"

B3ta email 413 - 29 Jan 2010

Second copy available free:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue413/

iPod Touch: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Big iPod Touch: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
10 Words, C4, Spock, Tron and the Thing

>> 10 Word Wiki <<
It's like Wikipedia but just the 10 words.
Great concept.
http://www.tenwordwiki.wikispot.org


>> Channel 4 News Remix <<
News theme gets the full drum and bass
treatment. This is what Jon Snow listens to on
his iPod when he goes out happy slapping. Kudos
to speedy and netgem21.
http://b3ta.com/links/Channel_4_News_Remix_by_netgem21_speedy

>> Spock PAAAIIIINNNN <<
Shatner's your go-to guy when it comes to
over-acting, poor Leonard Nimoy is unfairly
overlooked. To redress the balance here's
Jayenkai's musical remix of some prime Spocky
ham.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/PAAAIIIINNNN

>> A Very British Thing <<
A one-minute remake of the 1982 John Carpenter
masterpiece The Thing. "In my (weak) defence,
it's intentionally cheap and silly-looking,
apologises sir_spicious2000. We demand more
space-horror films be set in Surrey.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/A_Very_British_Thing

-------------------------------------------------

: Weebl does X Factor

Jonti takes his characters Weebl, Bob and
Insanity Prawn Boy onto a TV talent show as
judges, where they meet some oddly familiar
contestants. More advertising work for Jonti in
what appears to be his now-annual gig working
with Cadbury's Creme Eggs. Hopefully they don't
pay him with delicious chocolate money.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Goo+Got+Talent+1/

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Real-life Slapstick

Last week we asked about your hilarious bumps,
thumps and prat-falls:
http://b3ta.com/questions/slapstick/

* CAT BURGLAR - "A police friend of my Dad's is
sent out to investigate some suspicious
activity in the Oxford area where he finds a
house with a ladder against it, leading to an
ajar bedroom window. Clearly a bit suspicious,
so he climbs the old and rickety ladder to
investigate. As he reaches the top he briefly
glimpses a cat sitting on the bed giving him a
quizzical look. I say 'briefly' because a
second later there is a loud 'CRACK' and the
rung snaps cleanly through the middle. He
plummets rapidly, each rung snapping cleanly as
he hits them, like a Looney Tunes cartoon. He
hits the floor and rolls away groaning, his
hands now 20% splinters. A car pulls up and the
driver runs over. "What are you doing in my
garden?" "Checking your house. There was a
ladder going up to a window and someone
reported it as suspicious!" "Oh no mate, that's
just so my cat can get in" "Aren't you worried
about getting burgled?" "Nah," says the guy.
"I've sawed half-way through each rung"
(stubbledchin)

* ROUTEMASTER - "Friday evening, Oxford St.
I've just left work after a couple of cheeky
beers, and I spot a 73, in all its old
Routemaster glory, waiting at the lights. So I
run for it. And it starts moving off. So I run
a bit faster. By now I have an audience - some
girls looking out the back window from the top
deck are cheering me on. So naturally efforts
are redoubled. The bus is moving quite quickly
now, and I don't know if I'll make it... But
I'm there! With a gazelle-like spring, I'm on!
Nice'n'safe, one foot on the platform, both
hands around the pole. Phew. And the strap on
the record-bag style, erm, bag, slung over my
shoulder, decides to snap. And with that sudden
jerk, my feet slip off the platform, my hands
slide down the pole and my body ends up
stretched out on the road, being dragged up
London's busiest - but not, take it from me,
smoothest - street. The bus is gathering speed,
I'm fishtailing behind it not daring let go 'cos
I have no idea what's coming behind me. After a
good 150m I manage to check behind me, see the
road is clear and let go, skidding and rolling
to a stop. I'm not exaggerating, but this
brought Oxford St to a standstill. People just
stopped and stared open mouthed. I got up,
brushed myself off and walked about 50 yards
back to where a woman was standing, holding the
remains of my bag." (FridgeBadger)

* BOLLARDIER - "I once tried to impress a load
of firemen who were stopped at a red light in
their fire truck by leapfrogging over a
bollard. Gave it a good go but forgot I had a
skirt on. Cue bollard swinging straight towards
my face. I was stuck, by my skirt, upside-down
with my face at the bottom of a fucking
bollard. one of the firemen kindly got out of
his truck and un-hooked me." (nettestar)

>> This Week's Question: Music <<
We'd like the soundtrack to your lives - what
music has accompanied the great events of your
life, or just what do you like to do a poo to?
Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/soundtrack/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Windows 3.1 in JavaScript <<
Geeks rejoice! Finally the wonders of an early
90s version of Windows have come to javascript.
Best enjoyed listening to Guru Josh - not the
modern remix but the funnier, earlier one with
the vocal "1990s, time for Guru!"
http://www.michaelv.org.nyud.net/

>> Cats on Page 3 <<
Readers of The Sun know all about Page 3 -
photos of nudey ladies with right-wing points
of view. Imagine if you took these quotes and
replaced the breasty lovelies with cats? Could
you still wank to it?
http://www.thekittenchannel.com/catnews.php

>> Unhappy hipsters <<
Dull photos of vaguely trendy-looking people
with extremely depressing captions. This is the
work of a misanthropist.
http://is.gd/7daIX

>> David Cameron Facts <<
Remember Chuck Norris facts? "Outer space
exists because it's afraid to be on the same
planet with Chuck Norris." Imagine doing
similar with our possible Prime Minister-to-be.
Would that be funny? 771 followers on Twitter
think so.
http://twitter.com/davefacts

>> Shitty old album covers again <<
Elliot writes, "A quite excellent collection of
rubbish album covers. Hadn't seen most of
these." Nor us, Elliot, nor us. NSFW in places
but, as Elliot points out, "If someone's afraid
of the human body I have nothing but pity for
them."
http://bit.ly/147ku2

>> Headline of the day <<
Not much we can write about this without
ruining the joke so with no further ado:
http://snurl.com/lollikeyouveneverlolledbefore

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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Railway pup

Nothing tugs the heart-strings like a fluff
baby in peril. This poor wee puppy was rescued
from some train lines - he'd frozen to them in
the cold weather. Ironically, his name is Track
- what are the chances of that??
http://snurl.com/puppytime

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Imagine this on an iPad. WoooOOOooo!

>> Simon Swears <<
Years ago we ran a flash toy with the same
name, now it's become a real hardware project.
Yep, a speaking, swearing Simon toy. Fan
fucking tastic.
http://is.gd/7daTi

>> Welcome back Chris Morris. <<
Very much looking forward to seeing Chris
Morris's new comedy about shit terrorists. The
clip is OK, but hey, it's new Chris Morris.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Welcome_back_Chris_Morris

>> Carol Vorderman - Motherfucker <<
The first show on C4 was Countdown and it's
still going, although they got rid of the rest
reason to watch - Carol Vorderman - years ago.
Remember her this way - made to say rude words
through the medium of editing.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Carol_Vorderman_Motherfucker

>> iPad lols <<
So the marketing team sat around going, "Is
there any precedent for this name?" "Well
there's this old comedy sketch from 2007 on
youTube about sanitary towels." "Nah, fuck it,
nobody will notice will they?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsjU0K8QPhs

>> How news reports work <<
A good deconstruction by Charlie Brooker on how
news reports are put together - might
temporarily put you off watching the news as
you'll just be spotting the format points for a
bit.
http://snurl.com/charltonbrookerisfunny

>> Kersal Massive nostalgia <<
If you remember the internet from 2005 then
you'll enjoy this comedy clip of an A&R man
trying to get into some Kersal action.
http://snurl.com/scrotes

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Cocky slags

* KNOB MECHANIC - "The chap third from top made
me emit a cheesy one (a smile, of course)"
confesses Parpy Parp-Parp.
http://snurl.com/cccsuperloltime

* SAD NEWS - Looks like b3ta's favourite
magazine is going under:
http://www.propubs.com/global-slag/gs_homepage.html

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Merger Challenge

Last week we wanted you to visualise unlikely
company mergers.

Your favourites included:

* BROWN - popular author + highway code = handy
(salvadorevincent)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9883331

* CRUMBLE - Blackberry + Apple iPhone =
disaster (barzo)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9881554

* MEAT - ordinance survey + spam = triumph
(custard)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9880813

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/mergers/

>> New challenge: The iPad <<
As Steve Jobs launches the most exciting
product in the world, ever, this week's
challenge is obvious: take the piss out
of the iPad
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/ipad/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* GUY GOMA - Remember Guy Goma, the bloke who
got mistaken for a tech journalist and
interviewed on News 24, then that flash of
total shock when he caught on? Turns out that
Guy Kewney, the bloke he was mistaken for, now
has cancer. If you've ever laughed at the clip,
why not donate some spare change to make his
life a bit better?
http://bit.ly/az1d2Y

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* CHARLIE BROOKER'S ALL-DAY-BREAKFAST BAR -
"Fried egg, bacon, chips and beans, mashed and
compacted into a Crunchie-sized slab, covered
with a layer of ketchup, then swaddled in thick
Dairy Milk chocolate. It'd look and weigh about
the same as a Double Decker. And yes, it sounds
disgusting - but you'd have to try it once,
wouldn't you?"
http://snurl.com/yeahyeahyeahyeah

* PEACE KITTENS VS TRANSGLOBAL UNDERGROUND -
"The chords in the chorus of Transglobal
Underground's 'Temple Head' are among the most
life-affirming things ever", states Iain, "It
seems obvious to me that, if footage could be
found of kittens miaowing with the same
intervals, all world conflict could be ended at
a stroke."

* SEMI-SLICED BREAD - and other unhappy
compromises between control and convenience.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by codepo8, @Daffydil,
@SamCarelse, @leonhurley, @bounder, @TheoEsc,
@nunobensen, openleggy, @TheoEsc, waz4444,
McBadger, @danielbevis and not forgetting the
lovely WiL. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
bloke. Subjlols via Bob Todd. Sickipedia via
Tinpotbob.

-------------------------------------------------

What is hard and six inches long?
My pen is.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 872 - Jan. 27, 2010 - Strange Comments Made in 1957

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

2 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added two new features that you have been asking for.

1. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

2. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange Quotes About "Wisdom"

"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Know thyself." - Linnaeus

"The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison

"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing." - Engineer's Motto

"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think." - Dorothy Parker

"Apologizing - a very desperate habit - one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out." ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-Table

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Comments Made in 1957 - Amazing!

Thought you might like to see these!!! Comments made in the year 1957:

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $5000 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon.
Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more.
Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress."

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."

"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."

Know friends who would get a kick out of these? Pass it on!

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE FARM FIELDS - RIVER RUNS THRU - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/159355.html

STRANGE DIVORCE CAKES - KICKED OFF THE CAKE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/159565.html

STRANGE VOLKSWAGEN BUS/CAMPER - REAR SLIDE OUT TRAY - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/159501.html

STRANGE ACOUSTIC 'EARS' - BEFORE RADAR - LISTENING POSTS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/159795.html

STRANGE RIOT POLICE VEHICLES - ASIAN SUV WITH POWER LIFT OUTER SKELETON - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/159970.html

CAT CATCHES BAT MIDAIR! - GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/160014.html

MY FAVORITE PHILOSOPHY - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160045.html

NAVY FUN AND FROLIC - HOSE WARS! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/160064.html

MICKEY MANTEL 1952 - NEW YORK YANKEES - 2nd YEAR IN THE BIG LEAGUES - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160072.html

STRANGE AERIAL PHOTO OF RKO STUDIOS 40 ACRES BACKLOT - 1965 - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/152721.html

NEW YORK CITY - LITTLE ITALY - MULBERRY ST - 1900 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160086.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN FLAME-THROWING SYSTEM - MFS-1 BURATINO - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/160087.html

STRANGE OBAMA OPTICAL ILLUSION BODY PAINT! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160089.html

TIGER WOODS SIGNS AT THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN! HE'S BEEN BUSY - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160092.html

STRANGE SPORTS - EXTREME SNAIL RACING! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/160093.html

STRANGE PHOTOS - PERFECT TIMING! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/160096.html

STRANGE 3-D MONSTER MEETS BABY GIF - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/160097.html

STRANGE OLD PIX - ALFRED HITCHCOCK AND KIDS CATCHING SNOWFLAKES IN THEIR MOUTHS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/160098.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - AIRCRAFT - JETS - FIGHTERS - ATTACK AIRCRAFT

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100041_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Different Terror Threat Levels Around The World - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/159455.html

The Seven Dumbest Deaths in Recorded History - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/160091.html

Seinfeld Quiz - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/21690.html

Psychoanalyze Yourself - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/21695.html

Rhetorical Wisdom - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/21956.html

A Quiz for People Who Know Everything - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/22817.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - AIRCRAFT - JETS - FIGHTERS - ATTACK AIRCRAFT

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/120_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

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Vol 871 - Jan. 24, 2010 - Top 10 Differences Between Cats & Dogs

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

2 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added two new features that you have been asking for.

1. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

2. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

"Cat" Quotes

Cat: A pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs and patronizes human beings. - Oliver Herford

Some people say man is the most dangerous animal on the planet. Obviously those people have never met an angry cat. - Lillian Johnson

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. - Garrison Keillor

If cats could talk, they would lie to you. - Rob Kopack

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. - Doug Larson

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -Top 10 Differences Between Cats & Dogs

10. Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you.

9. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.

8. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

7. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening newspaper. Cats might bring you a dead mouse.

6. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon. Cats will take a three-hour nap.

5. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private box or they will not go at all.

4. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home from work. Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.

3. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on command. Cats will smirk and walk away.

2. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk. Cats will yawn and close their eyes.

1. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

PARADE MAGAZINE FEB 1938 - TIPS FOR SINGLE WOMEN/DAME - WEAR A BRA & GIRDLE IF NEED BE! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/158705.html

WHO'S TOUGHEST? TIGER AND LION CIRCLE EACH OTHER - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/159323.html

T-33 SHOOTINGSTAR - EARLY MILITARY JET - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/159820.html

STRANGE GUN AND SILVERWARE SET - BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT IF YOU GET TO FAT? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/159863.html

LAKE ICE PERFECT CONDITIONS - CURLING MATCH AT SUNSET! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/159916.html

STRANGE EXTREME ICE SKATING - RED BULL CRASHED ICE SERIES MUNICH 2010! - THE COURSE - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/159947.html

STRANGE TATTOOS & BODY PIERCINGS - YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS ONE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/159961.html

LATE 1940'S - 1950'S US AUTOMOBILES - PPS - PRESENTATION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/159962.html

STRANGE RIOT POLICE VEHICLES - UPPER LEVEL ISUZU - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/159969.html

THE EARLY BEATLES - 1957 - GEORGE HARRISON 14 - JOHN LENNON 16 - PAUL McCARTNEY 15 - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/159995.html

HOW NOT TO TAKE A SICK DAY - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/159996.html

STRANGE B&W AND COLOR OPTICAL ILLUSION - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/159997.html

STRANGE IN MOTION X-RAY OF HUMAN SPEAKING - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/159998.html

STRANGE NATURAL ROCK HEART FOUND IN BROOK - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/159999.html

STRANGE ASIAN INVENTIONS FOR FOOD AND SLEEP - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/160000.html

STRANGE HELMET USED WITH THE F-35 JOINT STRIKE FIGHTER - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/160003.html

STRANGE CAT IMAGE ON CATS FUR! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/160016.html

CHINESE BUY RUSSIAN HEAVY AIR CRAFT CRUISER - VARYAG - UNDER TOW - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/160042.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - SOCCER FANS - CRAZY - WILD - SEXY - STUPID

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100022_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

"Classic" Hollywood Squares Answers - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/159921.html

Top 10 Most Commonly Used Passwords - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/159960.html

The Idiots at Penn. Dept of Environmental Quality & The Dam Beavers - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/115617.html

1943 - Tips on Getting More Efficiency from your Women Employees - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/113503.html

Murphy's Law for Cops - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/115229.html

Strange Actual Medical Notes - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/114510.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - SOCCER FANS - CRAZY - WILD - SEXY - STUPID

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "STATUS QUO RE-RELEASE ROCKING ALL OVER THE WORLD FOR HAITI EARTHQUAKE APPEAL"

 

This Week:
* MUSIC - Clunk-Click remix
* BIRDS - Rocking out
* VID - Dirty French graffiti

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're validating your
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | poor life choices with
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| tiny scraps of attention"

B3ta email 412 - 22 Jan 2010

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue412/

Lovers: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Haters: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Rathergood MP3 album - Spongs in the Key of Life

"Hi dudes," beams Joel Veitch. "The new album
of rathergood stuff is up on Amazon now.
Thought I'd mention it in case you feel like
plugging it, no worries if not!" Oh go on then
Veitch. Just this once, use our arsehole as a
cunt.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0032UO0Q0/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Clunk, Clean, Calc and Egg

>> 'Clunk Click' Remix.. <<
Jimmy Savile = win. Jimmy Savile plus old 70s
public information films, bursting with footage
of British Leyland cars, one of which is driven
by a woman who looks like Ken Dodd = double
win. Add JamHamster's kicking hardcore track
and you've got a monster hit on your hands.
http://snurl.com/clunkclickhardcore

>> Dirty Old Man
No actual filth from this cheeky old buffer,
father of b3tan Big Face. No smut as such; he's
far too cunning, preferring to make lols with
innuendo and misdirection.
http://snurl.com/cleansong

>> Mad calculator <<
"My calculator is solar-powered and has been
left switched on since the 1980s," explains
mutated monty. "During that time it has somehow
developed its own form of consciousness - every
morning it has weird random numbers on its
screen and stored in its memory. So I've set up
what is probably the most pointless Twitter
account of all time to document its daily
ramblings. Those numbers might actually mean
something to somebody."
https://twitter.com/madcalculator

>> Scotch Egg <<
If you're not familiar with the so-called
Scottish Egg, Jonti is here to enlighten you
through the power of music. Mmmmmmmmmm. Egg.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/Scotch+Egg/

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Anonymous

Last week we asked for things you've done under
the cloak of anonymity. Frankly, some of your
answers scared the crap out of us:
http://b3ta.com/questions/anon/

* AWW, FLOWERS - "When we go to the cemetery
where Mrs SLVA's parents are buried, I see lots
of childrenÕs graves, especially of pre
school-age kids. I'll pick one at random, clear
away any dead flowers, get fresh water and
leave a couple of fresh ones, seeing as we
always take far too big a bunch ourselves. I
got caught once: just as I was putting a couple
of flowers in the little pot thing the parents
arrived, "What are you doing?" the mother
asked. So I told her. She looked at me for a
couple of seconds and then threw her arms
around me. "Thank you," she said and I felt a
tear against my cheek." (sandettie light vessel
automatic)

* DAEWOO-WOO-WOO - "There used to be a tiny
little Daewoo parked in my street most
evenings. It wasn't owned by anyone who lived
there. I could tell this because the alarm used
to go off for hours at a time and no one would
come out to turn it off. We left a note.
Nothing happened. A week later, it was still
going off every night and really getting on my
nerves. My housemates and I were bemoaning our
predicament in the pub to some friends when
they agreed something had to be done. That
night about fifteen of us lifted the car up and
carried it to the traffic island at the end of
the street, leaving it "parked" on the grass in
the middle, nose poking out from the scrub,
along with a note saying, "I am hiding, because
lots of people are angry with me :-(" ...We never
saw it again." (SnowyTheRabbit)

* MURDER - "I live in a small town. One morning
I got to work to find that a terrible murder
had occurred. The details of each story I heard
were different but the whole town was buzzing
with the news. Phone calls and texts were
exchanged, gossip was rife; this was exciting
stuff. But I knew the truth. The previous night
it'd been blowing a hooly and a pub in town had
started losing slates off the roof at an
incredible rate. The police turned up and
cordoned off the pavement with tape in case
anyone copped a slate on the bonce. People
going to work in the morning had seen the tape.
They'd recognised the pub as not being one of
the nicest places to frequent. And then? Then
they'd seen the chalk outlines of a man, a dog
and a knife lying within the bounds of the
police tape. In their tiny minds a man and his
dog were stabbed to death. A classic whodunnit.
Amazing the amount of fun one can have with a
piece of chalk." (oneinthepink)

Finally, a textbook example of how not to be
anonymous on the internet (props to Totach for
eventually seeing the funny side):
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/anon/post615785

>> This Week's Question <<

We'd like your moments of real-life slapstick.
When you're done tripping over that rake, talk
to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/slapstick/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Comic book superheroes in a Picasso styleee <<
Superman looks like a cyclops and Spiderman has
a thalidomide quality to him. They'd make great
stamps - much cooler than bloody Screamadelica,
you old postie cunts.
http://snurl.com/meltyspidey

>> Hot chicks plunging their toilets <<
A huge trend at the moment is one-hit blogs -
collections of photos in a bizarre theme that
generates a WTF reaction in the viewer, forcing
them to click and pass it on. E.g. cats in
sinks etc. Usually, if you can find one photo
then a quick search will dredge up more. This
bunch of entrepreneurial numpties are trying to
sew up the hot chicks market with a series
including '...smiling at Ground Zero"
"...picking up dogshit" and others. We reckon
the plan is making link bait for sites like us
and then flogging the sites to SEO companies
once they've got a bit of traction.
http://hotchicksplungingtheirtoilets.com/

>> Local news for local people <<
Our local paper, The Camden New Journal mixes
pictures of Michael Foot with lurid tales of
crack-infested estates and dead prostitutes.
This site salutes all that is great about
Britain's local newspapers.
http://thenetherregions.co.uk/


>> Sex print<<
To the innocent viewer, the mark on this car
looks like a panda's face. Look again and cover
your eyes at the shame of it all.
http://snurl.com/wifesnightout

>> Charting the Beatles <<
The whole web is spunking over infographics -
turning dull data into bright spanking charts
and diagrams. This makes the complete work of
The Beatles look like something out of a GCSE
maths textbook.
http://www.mikemake.com/#72772/Charting-the-Beatles


-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Watch while the telly's rebooting

>> The birdy song<<
Everyone knows chimps can make art, but who
knew that birds could play guitar. Tiny cute
birds with colourful beaks, they look like
miniature parrots. They're actually finches
and they RAWK.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Go_on_birdies

>> How to enjoy a 3D movie <<
Looking uncannily like Charlie Brooker's
special uncle, BBC Film boffin Mark Kermode
rips into the current fad for all things 3D.
Give him Wossy's job on Film 97, he's clearly
auditioning for it here.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_enjoy_a_3D_movie

>> GINGERS DO HAVE SOULS!! <<
South Park recently strayed into the territory
of pure evil when they put out an episode
saying gingers don't have souls. This one
doesn't have a brain. But Jesus loves him all
the same.
http://bit.ly/6waTPx

>> French letter <<
A few years ago we stopped off at a motorway
service station on the M4 and were utterly
transfixed by the lewd gay graffiti in the
gents' toilets. One memorable piece gave
detailed masturbation tips for the under 12s.
Obviously the graffiti in French toilets is
purely heterosexual, if this is anything to go
by.
http://snurl.com/u5k72

>> Big tits = big hits <<
This young lady has 600,000 views for her
pedestrian guide to Asian emoticons. Her
trick? Enormous jugs pushed up to her chin,
butt-grazing shorts and kitten ears. We don't
think girls would like her very much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifA1AQe_NF0

>> Boy jumps on moving bus <<
Hero or twat, depending on which demographic you
inhabit. We reckon both.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Boy_jumps_on_moving_bus

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Not very funny and not very cornerish as usual

* GOATSE IS GOOD STUFF - At least, that's what
Lastminute.com seem to think. Check out the
buttock-shaped Os in this unlikely logo:
http://snurl.com/lastminutegoatse

* MR TINY KOX - It takes big balls to go through
life with a name like that.
http://bit.ly/Z8JrG

* TWATTS - But why? Why? It's not even the name
of the company!
http://twatts.co.uk/

* CHANGE YOUR NAME MR LARSEN - "Surprised this
man's re-election didn't take a turn for the
worst," chuckles ccc.
http://snurl.com/mrlarsen

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Elephant Challenge

Last week we wanted you to hide an
elephant

Your favourites included:

* NESSIE - minimal 'shopping here, just
great use of a classic snap (monstrinho
do biscoito)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9871643

* GREY - this elephant has literally
disappeared completely. Where's it
gone? (DogHorse)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9872782

* LADY - we've examined this photo for
hours, but the elephant still eludes us
(TheFiend)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9871209

All these images, and the highest as
voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/elephant/

>> New challenge: Unlikely Mergers <<
In the week that nasty Kraft took over
nice Cadbury, this week's challenge is
to picture unlikely company mergers, and
the products that might result.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/mergers/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* GIRL SINGS WEEBL'S SONG - thanks to Darklord
for pointing out this charming cover version of
Amazing Horse. Also amusing is the B3tans
discussing the young lady's attractiveness,
chest tattoos and facial piercings. She's not
going to look twice at you - well unless you're
there to fix the printer that is.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Amazing_Horse_Cover_Version

* WANKING ENTHUSIASTS SITE - anonymous writes,
"Re: a site which contains a button saying
'I've just had a wank?', try bedposted, a
discreet online database for you to store
details of your shags and wanks. Enjoy!"
http://www.bedposted.com

* MORE CALENDAR SUGGESTIONS - Gibberer writes,
"Try the 2010 Hooters Calendar. You know you
want to... It's a, err, hoot."
http://www.joe-ks.com/hooterscalendar/

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Endless Migration

You are a goose. You are a goose and you must
fly south, collecting as many mates as you can.
Too be honest, we didn't last too long before
flying into a jet engine. Like a dream we once
had.
http://snurl.com/endlessmigration

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* WHATWILLIHAVEFORSUPPER.COM - "Could one of
your webions devise this?" asks @kfking,
"Shouldn't be too hard as the answer is always
cheese on toast."

* FLAKE / POO = "Regarding Cadbury," writes
@peregr1n, " I've always maintained Flake
smells/tastes faintly of poo. Can someone do a
blind taste test?"

* CHEAPER TRAIN TICKETS - Philip Knight has an
idea and he wants B3tans to help. Return train
tickets often cost a similar price to singles -
can somebody set up a site for people to sell
on the return bit of the ticket and make
cheaper tickets for everyone? Philip explains
it in more detail here:
http://snurl.com/u5kci

Stick your cocks in our mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us. Sometimes we shudder,
but we do look.

-------------------------------------------------

Sexy woo time: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Twatty scummers:b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by the_log_knows,
@bounder, Dave Peacock, @bliumchik, NoSoup4U,
jingle_man, @TOther_Simon, @theindiedave,
mousemonkey, jeffrey44, ccc, @gshutler,
@chopeh, flannery, Pauly Pops.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Sickipedia gag via hongkonglouie.
Subjlols via Barbarossa.

-------------------------------------------------

: SICKIPEDIA NIGHT 3.1:

* Kunt & the Gang! Mushybees! Boyce Bailey!
Richard Tyrone Jones! Joel Veitch! Bovine! Mike
Rampton! Justincider! David Stevenson! Jeremy
Gomez! Nick James! Robert Auton! Yes, the night
that should never happen is happening once
again. The Old Blue Last, Shoreditch on 3rd
February. Do come!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/robmanuel/4288970512/

* Just been watching the Masters snooker and
I've been trying to get to grips with the
rules. Is the white ball going round ethnically
cleansing the table?
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 870 - Jan. 20, 2010 - Actual SAT Test Answers in Arkansas

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

2 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added two new features that you have been asking for.

1. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

2. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

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Quotes about Hollywood:

"It's a great place to live ... if you're an orange." - Fred Allen

"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart." - Fred Allen

"Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom." - Candice Bergen

"Hollywood is a place where a man can get stabbed in the back while climbing a ladder." - William Faulkner

"Hollywood, to hear some writers tell it, is the place where they take an author's steak tartare and make cheeseburger out of it…. Upon seeing the film, they say, the author promptly cuts his throat, bleeding to death in a pool of money." - Fletcher Knebel

"Hollywood is a place where the stars twinkle until they wrinkle." - Victor Mature

"A trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat." - Wilson Mizner

"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you $50,000 for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul." - Marilyn Monroe

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Actual SAT Test Answers in Arkansas

S.A.T. TEST QUESTIONS

The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

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Vol 869 - Jan. 17, 2010 - You May Be From Canada If…...

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

2 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added two new features that you have been asking for.

1. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

2. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

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Strange Comedian Quotes:

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
Mel Brooks

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." George Burns

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." George Burns

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home." Bill Cosby

"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door." Jeff Foxworthy

"You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more." Jeff Foxworthy

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - You May Be From Canada If…

You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."

You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You know what a touque is.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".

Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further.

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