Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: April 2009

Mittwoch, 29. April 2009

Vol 794 - Apr. 29, 2009 - Strange Dictionary For Women

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes about Cats & Teenagers:

For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

5. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Dictionary For Women

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n
Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend ½ an hour writing, then forget to take to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE 'RAINBOW' CLOUD FORMATIONS! - UFO CLOUDS! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/150070.html

STRANGE CHESS GAME - KING KILLED - POLICE TAPE CORDONS OFF MURDER SCENE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/150138.html

STRANGE MASCOTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - FRATERNITY KEGGERS? - http://www.strangecollege.com/content/item/150145.html

STRANGE MOTORCYCLE HEARSE - SIDE VIEW - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/150184.html

STRANGE OLDE RECORDS & ALBUM COVERS - POLKA 'N' FUN - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149783.html

STRANGE CONCEPT CARS - 1941 CHRYSLER THUNDERBOLT - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/150190.html

DUKE BASKETBALL CROWDS ARE THE BEST! - JINXING FREETHROWER FROM BOSTON COLLEGE - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/150194.html

HOT SOCCER FANS - HOT BLONDE WITH FLAG CAPE! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/150195.html

STRANGE TOMBSTONES AND GRAVE MARKERS - ROLLING STONES FAN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/149997.html

STRANGE PIMPED OUT BICYCLE WITH NAVIGATION AND DVD'S - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/150197.html

PUBLIC EDUCATION AT WORK - STRANGE BUSINESS SIGN - BYE BYE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/150199.html

OLDE JFK WHITE HOUSE OVAL OFFICE PICTURE - JOHN JOHN AND CAROLINE - 11-22-63 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/150200.html

STRANGE SATELLITE VIEW OF THE EARTH AT NIGHT! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/150198.html

STRANGE FIREWORKS LABELS - KILLER BLONDE - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/149559.html

STRANGE OLDE PICTURES OF BONNIE PARKER & CLYDE BARROW - 6 - COLOR - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149880.html

STRANGE HUNTING EXPERIENCES - FOX EYEING LITTLE SQUIRREL - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/150060.html

STRANGE PICTURES - STAND IN JUST THE RIGHT SPOT! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/150201.html

STRANGE PICTURES - STAND IN JUST THE RIGHT SPOT! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/150202.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SOP - A - EVERYDAY LIFE - WORK - HOME - VACATION TRIPS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100880_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Ocean Disasters - Rogue Waves - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/149707.html

Strange Class Assignment - Why You Remember Some Teachers and Not Others - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149963.html

Zodiac and the Divine - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/101620.html

The Job Security Quiz - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/25483.html

Are You Normal? These Stats Will Tell You! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/25171.html

Strange Presidential Quiz - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/24716.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SOP - B - OLDE MOVIES - MOVIE STARS - SILENT FILMS - STARLETS - MUSICIANS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100881_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

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Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Sonntag, 26. April 2009

Vol 793 - Apr 26, 2009 - Strange Actual Book Titles

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

"Education" Quotes

"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards." - Mark Twain

"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten." - B.F. Skinner

"The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving." - Russell Green

"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre." - Gail Godwin

"Education is a companion which no misfortune can depress, no crime can destroy, no enemy can alienate,no despotism can enslave. At home, a friend, abroad, an introduction, in solitude a solace and in society an ornament.It chastens vice, it guides virtue, it gives at once grace and government to genius. Without it, what is man? A splendid slave, a reasoning savage." - Joseph Addison

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Bizarre Books (Real)

1. Mated With A Clown; 1884

2. Our Lady of the Potatoes; 1995

3. The Joy of the Upright Man; 1619

4. My Invisible Friend Explains the Bible; 1971

5. Follow Your Broken Nose; 1950

6. The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book; 1982

7. Pernicious Pork; or, Astounding Revelations of the Evil
Effects of Eating Swine Flesh; 1903

8. Thirty-six Reasons for Believing in Everlasting Punishment;
1887

9. 1587. A Year of No Importance; n.p.

10. Life and Laughter 'midst the Cannibals; 1926

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE RESTAURANT & BAR - BIG LIPPED URINALS IN THE MAIN ROOM - TOILET BAR - VIENNA - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/150064.html

STRANGE 'RAINBOW' CLOUD FORMATIONS! DOUBLE RAINBOWS - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/150067.html

COMMUNIST GDR BEGINS CONSTRUCTION OF THE BERLIN WALL - AUGUST 1961 - LIFE IN THE WEST! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/150090.html

STRANGE HYDROFOIL HOUSE BOAT - SLEEK & FAST! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/150125.html

STRANGE BATS - HANGING UPSIDE DOWN! - IT'S HUGE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/150127.html

STRANGE BATS - WITH BABY BAT AND EXTENDED FLYING - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/150131.html

STRANGE CAMOUFLAGE TRAILER HITCH TOILET SEAT! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/150136.html

STRANGE BLONDE WITH A HUGE KNIFE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/150137.html

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI - WORLD'S GREATEST OPERATIC TENOR - 1935 - 2007 - W/PRINCESS DIANA - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/149979.html

STRANGE TOMBSTONES AND GRAVE MARKERS - CATERPILLER TRACTOR - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/149995.html

STRANGE LITTLE POCKET SIZE CAR - IN ONLY NEEDS 6 FEET TO PARK! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/149852.html

STRANGE TRAFFIC SIGNS & DIRECTIONS - HUH? - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149874.html

2009 MERCEDES BENZ SL63 AMG FORMULA 1 SAFETY CAR - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/150031.html

NATURE'S MIRACLES - STRANGE ISLAND FORMATIONS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/149302.html

STRANGE CROP CIRCLES AND FARM FIELDS - SWISS AIR - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/149657.html

STRANGE MONSTER TRUCKS - RACING - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/150035.html

STRANGE NEW LAMBORGHINI - INSECTA! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/150047.html

STRANGE HUNTING EXPERIENCES - HERD OF DEER SITTING UNDER TRAMPOLINE - NICE RACKS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/150054.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SOP - A - STRANGE OLDE PICTURES - PEOPLE & PLACES - RUSSIA & EUROPE

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100893_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

More Strange Mysteries of Easter Island - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149706.html

Strange Celebrity Inventions - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/149959.html

13 Strangest Products For Your Dog - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/149961.html

8 Strange Earth-Friendly Products - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149962.html

The Best and Brightest 'Earth Day' Predictions - 1970's - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/150187.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SOP - E - OLDE WEST - COWBOYS & INDIANS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100884_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Freitag, 24. April 2009

[b3ta] "Heads and kneecaps... truncheon blows..truncheon blows"

This Week:
* QUESTION - Outdoor sex?
* CHALLENGE - Shop The Police
* SONG - Fucking cunt cunt cunt 2009 remix

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Goodbye Geocities...
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | although we never
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| used you at all"

B3ta email 375 - 24 Apr 2009

Now available on your pager:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue375/

Stalk: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Walk: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
Affordable slow motion camera

Want to film slow motion stuff? Finally the
technology is coming down to consumer level
prices - the Casio Exilim F1 will record 300FPS
for £600 - and if this is out of your price
range, try the EX-FC100 which is under £300.
We'd love to see what you could do with this stuff:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00155WX90/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Rap, Cunts, Crilly and Robot Fear

>> Eminem song remade for British current events <<
Dan Bull, whose awesome nerd gaming rap we
featured a wee while ago is back with a new
track, having a go at our beloved UK
celebrities and politicians. The best hip-hop
ever to name-check Jacqui Smith.
http://snurl.com/wemadeyou [www_b3ta_com]

>> "Fucking cunt" redux <<
Ah, the heady days of 2004. All nations of the
world joined hands, dancing with flowers in
their hair. And the song they were singing was
'Fucking Cunt'. After a lengthy hiatus, it's
returned. "Please note," says proud composer
Koit, "I have updated the animation to include
new cunts."
http://www.anna-ghislaine.com/koit/fc2009.html

>> Crilly Fr <<
Here's a Monty Propps mashup of Father Ted with
the Magnum PI music. Can it be a sin to splice
together two things so thoroughly loved? Unless
it's your kids, we guess. BTW Father Ted's
titles also work well with Miami Vice.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Crilly_Fr

>> "I'm Scared" <<
Charming ditty from Joel about a mechanical
nightmare sent from the future to destroy
humanity. Poor Doombot 9000 is frightened of
everything.
http://rathergood.com/scared

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Super-Fans

Last week we asked about the lengths you've
gone to for your heroes. Worth clicking for
grandmasterfluffles' story of how her strictly
entre-nous fanmail made it into the national
press:
http://b3ta.com/questions/fans/

* I SMELL OF HAMMERS - "On the tube, bloke gets
on and sits opposite. I glance up and recognise
him instantly. It's uber-documentary maker,
bumbling Brit abroad, Louis Theroux. I'd just
watched his latest about a hospital for
kiddy-fiddlers in California. So, being a gobby
twat, I decided to show my appreciation.
"Excuse me, mate - Excuse me..." I get his
attention. Along with that of just about
everyone else in the carriage. "I really loved
that paedophile thing. Just wanted to say good
work, mate." And I sit back with a knowing
smile and a slight nod of admiration. And Louis
looks at me with utter confusion and disgust.
He buries his head in his paper. And then I
start to feel the eyes of every fucking body in
the carriage burn into my skin... And I realise
with utter unadulterated fucking horror that
this man is not, in point of fact, Louis
Theroux - he just looks an awful lot like him.
To my audience, I am some kind of paedo, who
has just given his full, frank, and very public
support to another." (SpankyHanky)

* I AM JED - "Steve Coogan was doing a book
signing in Bristol and a friend and I went to
see him as we were big Partridge fans. So much
so that we took along a 'hilarious' picture of
my friend sat on the lap of a mock up Alan
sitting in an armchair in our living room. We
had a cut out and keep Alan Partridge mask as
the head and we had recreated his body in 'Guy
Fawkes' style, it was quite convincing. When my
friend handed the photo over to Steve to sign,
his face went white and all he could say was
something along the lines of 'that is very
disturbing'. He signed the photo 'you sick,
sick people' or words to that effect. And that
was that, until we sat down to watch the
episode in the next series of the show, where
Alan gets stalked by a mad fan... who has a
entire room dedicated to Alan... with an
armchair in the middle with a mock up 'Alan'
very much like the one we had produced. In fact
exactly like it. I am still waiting for the
royalties..." (barrington)

* I'LL BE YOUR RUBBER DUCKIE - "I went on TV
aged 4, to do an interpretative dance for my two
biggest heroes: Bert and Ernie. I got to meet
them, then cried, then wet myself. On
television. If you're reading this, Bert and
Ernie, I'm an adult now. If you'd like to get
together for a chat over bottle of wine
(pissing is extra), you can contact me via
b3ta." (TheSnark)

>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like to know all about your outdoor sexy
times. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/publicsex/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Naked Barbie project <<
Bloke bashes together an 'anatomically correct'
Barbie & Ken and harasses Mattel to start
mass-production. Slightly harrowing pics of
naked dolls getting new orifices drilled.
http://www.zug.com/pranks/barbie/

>> Electro pee illustration <<
This is the path electricity takes through your
body if you wee on a wire. Taken out of context
though, it's still a fantastic image.
http://snurl.com/electropee [www_flickr_com]

>> How to make a baby <<
When we clicked on this we reckoned it was
going to be twee, self-indulgent rubbish. It's
not - and we applaud their clever use of the
'picture every day' meme.
http://www.otherthings.com/howtobaby/

>> Measure your e-penis <<
Uses some sort of maths wizardry to assess your
internet fame, measured by the size of your
virtual cock. Neuromancer was never like this.
Anyway, Rob enjoys an e-peen almost 3 meters
long.
http://www.epenis.nl

>> Lost luggage <<
If you've misplaced any baggage at an airport
recently, perhaps you can find a picture of it
here - the site owner would really like to get
it back to you. You'll also find pictures of
everything that was inside the case, also
meticulously photographed and on display.
http://snurl.com/isthisyourluggage

>> Goatse goes mainstream <<
Danish toilet tissue company wants to emphasise
that it's product is 100% recycled. That's the
apparent reasoning behind these glaringly
repellant bog-roll dispensers.
http://snurl.com/nowwashyourhands [adweek_blogs_com]

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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Slow Loris loves getting tickled

Too cute for words but we wonder if the
tickling makes it emit some horrible skunk-like
scent.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Slow_Loris_loves_getting_tickled

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Dub these off to VHS (but mind the Macrovision)

>> Auto-Tune vs TV News <<
Auto-tune is the effect used on modern pop
records that makes the vocals sound like daleks
in a gay disco, but a rising meme has seen the
technology being used for comic effect, from
applying it to babies laughter to this example,
adding it to the news.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_news_fed_through_an_autotuner

>> Scary old man sings Pretty Woman <<
Josef Fritzel-a-like 'Edarem' brings you his
ode to the lovely ladies in his life, who may
or may not be buried under the floorboards.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wdmSL2-Ock

>> Old tech rhapsody <<
Blake 7's Orac and friends grind out a 4 part
harmony to everyone's favourite rock opera. Is
this some sort of cunning viral campaign for
the HP ScanJet 3c that's filling in for Freddy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht96HJ01SE4

>> Office Synchronised Swimming <<
Remember the Malaysian prison officer who made
his lags dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller? We
can only assume a Russian pimp with a leg and
show fetish is behind this curiously erotic
display.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Office_Sychronised_Swimming

>> Electro beards <<
A Kraftwerk tribute act staffed by Linux
programmers, enhanced by appalling 80s video
effects. Banging.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dQo0fNaQx0

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Still not funny, still not cornery

* HAIRY COFFEE - Rob Edwards confides, "I was
in the local Lidl store earlier and noticed
this delightful coffee. So I whipped out my
phone and took a snap."
http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/7161/photo0018s.jpg

* ALFONSO PRAT-GAY - A politico so proud of his
dual funny name heritage that he double
barrelled it. Cheers to Buenos Aires
correspondent Stanley Wannard, who's been
sniggering at the massive posters emblazoned
all over the city.
http://www.alfonsopratgay.com/index.htm

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Fluffy Disasters Challenge

Last week we wanted to you to make nasty events
nice.

Your favourites included:

* KITTEN - grinning junior feline destroys
shop. Awww (WiL)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9368253

* BEAR - zoo-invading lunatic rescued by
friendly bears. Awww (Vitalbalistix)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9363918

* TOMLINSON - dead man makes surprise
appearance in comedy classic. Awww (monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9370564

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fluffydisasters/

>> New challenge: Shop The Police <<
As the British Police Force comes under fire,
your task is to produce images to help them
out, to repair their damaged reputation and to
encourage new recruits.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/cops/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* ZORK TWITTER - Last week we asked for a
version of ancient text adventure Zork that
worked via twitter. Bigwayne writes, "Try
sending a tweet such as '@zorkgame look'. It
might fall over, the response speed maybe
slower the the global recovery, but it only
takes 5 seconds to send a tweet."

* MORE OMEGLE NONSENSE - "Hello people from teh
internets," hails Splather, "I discovered
Omegle through B3ta, and decided to have a
poke about on there. I think I've sparked some
sort of new sport: causing people to rip their
ethernet cable out of their machine and sit
quivering, hoping the police don't pop round
for a word."
http://www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/quickchat.jpg

* COMPETITION WINNERS - last week we asked you
a tie-breaker to win copies of 'crunch: the
card game.' Winners include Terence Eden,
Khaaaaan, Brendan Quinn, Daniel, Robin Little,
CanonCaliber, mr.BIG, TEAM MEGAFORCE!!!, hektik
and Neil Mitchell. Losers can buy the game
instead at:
http://www.crunchthecardgame.com/thegame/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* COOKING CUCUMBERS - musing over our lunch
today we were thinking how there's certain
vegetables traditionally served raw, salad for
instance whilst others such as potatoes
invariably cooked. Can you conjure up a reverse
dinner with roasted salad and a raw sausage?

* GLOVE SPIDERS? - We've all seen sock monkeys,
but what could you do with a glove?

* AN ANTI-AIDS VIRUS - that and transmits
sexually and prevents people getting HIV .
You'd be morally compelled to have sex with as
many people as possible in the name of public
health. Win.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in via gronkpan,
@nofunnyname, sancelle, jingle_man, codepo8,
emilyd, @alnapp, @Grouch76. Top Tippery by
Crap Little Monkey. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
bloke. Subjlos via prodigy69.

The Great Wall of China was brilliant except
for one thing: The Great Ladder of Central Asia.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:

Don't shave in a sink with running water. Boil
a kettle and pour into a cup. You'll have a
better shave and it's cheaper too.

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:

I had a German plumber round the other day to
fix my shower. He accidentally connected the
gas supply to the water supply. I guess old
habits die hard.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

------------------------------------

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<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
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Mittwoch, 22. April 2009

Vol 792 - Apr. 22, 2009 - Strange Idle Thoughts - Why? Why?

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeRacer.com !

OVER 7,000 GREAT PICTURES AND IMAGES OF RACING - ALL KINDS!
DRAG RACING - FORMULA ONE - RALLY CARS - BICYCLE RACING
SAILING REGATTAS - CRASHES - DRAGBOATS - MOTORCYCLES - MONSTER TRUCKS
DRIFTING - HOT PRODUCT MODELS - GO-KARTS - FUN STUFF!

LET YOUR RACING FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT THIS FUN NEW SITE!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Business" Quotes:

"When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's composed of aluminum and vinyl." [Flugg]

"If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then add one more as an afterthought, he'll forget two of the first five." [Wives]

"Keep up with the Grabowskis . . . you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses." [Advice on Status]

"Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work."

"The dirt is also on the other side." [Frisk Principle of Window Cleaning]

"When all else fails, why not read the instructions?"

"We should refrain from making very harsh judgments of people just because they happen to be dirty, no-good s.o.b.s."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Why Why Why - Strange Idle Thoughts

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you !

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

KC-135 STRATOTANKER - REFUELING BLUE ANGEL JET - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/149888.html

STRANGE GUNS - KNIFE/GUN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/149937.html

STRANGE DRUNK DRIVING EXAMPLE - A NEW WORLD RECORD? - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/149939.html

BASE JUMPING - OFF A SHEAR CLIFF - THESE GUYS ARE CRAZY! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/149948.html

STRANGE OCEAN RAINBOW - HERE COMES THE STORM - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/149949.html

STRANGE OLDE PIX - TRUSTING FELLOW HOLDS BALLOON IN HIS MOUTH FOR ARCHER PAL - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149950.html

STRANGE GUITAR - IT'S HUGE!!!! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/149951.html

STRANGE COLORFUL CATERPILLAR - SPINY CLUSTERS ON TOP! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/149952.html

STRANGE AIRPORTS AND RUNWAYS - MOUNTAINS! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/149811.html

STRANGE AIRPORTS AND RUNWAYS - BEACH FUN - DUCK! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/149820.html

STRANGE MOUNTAIN HIKE - UP THE SHEAR WALL! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/149823.html

STRANGE HISTORY - NIAGARA FALLS TOURS - MAID OF THE MIST - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/148411.html

STRANGE EUROPEAN SHELL ECO-MARATHON - STARTING LINE - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149837.html

MARILYN MONROE - FISH NET STOCKINGS - BIG SMILE - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/149844.html

McDONALDS DEVOTEE'S - 3:00 AM - CAN'T WAIT UNTIL 5:00 AM! I REALLY NEED A BIG MAC! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/149865.html

STRANGE CRITTERS - LLAMA'S - TWO HEADS? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/149376.html

STRANGE OLDE PICTURES OF BONNIE PARKER & CLYDE BARROW - 7 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149879.html

STRANGE AFRICAN SITUATION - HIPPO GRAZES NEXT TO MILITARY JETS PARKED AT AIRFIELD - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/149886.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SOP - F - OLDE GHOST PICTURES - UFO'S - STRANGE EERIE ITEMS - MYSTERIES

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100885_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Escape From Alcatraz - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/149705.html

Women Who Know Their Place (Behind Their Husband's) - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/149945.html

Strange 'Idle Thoughts' - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/117977.html

Strange Cat & Kitten Trivia - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/116592.html

Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Prom - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/116013.html

Strange Famous Mothers - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/116252.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SR - I - DRAG RACING - Dragsters - Funny Car - Top Fuel - Stock

http://www.strangeracer.com/content/category/100527_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Sonntag, 19. April 2009

Vol 791 - Apr. 19, 2009 - Top Ten Signs You're On A Lame Spring Break

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeRacer.com !

LET YOUR RACING FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT THIS FUN NEW SITE!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange 'Beauty' Quotes:

Beauty is but skin deep, ugly lies the bone;
Beauty dies and fades away, but ugly holds its own.
- Anonymous

"Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people." - Richard Armour

"There are no ugly women; there are only women who do not know how to look pretty." - Antoine P. Berryer

"Looks are so deceptive that people should be done up like food packages with the ingredients clearly labeled." - Helen Hudson

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" - Jean Kerr "The Snake Has All the Lines"

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr

"The reason the all-American boy prefers beauty over brains is that the all-American boy can see better than he can think." - Farrah Fawcett Majors

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Top Ten Signs You're On A Lame Spring Break

10. Your hotel room offers a breathtaking view of the Persian Gulf

9. The package is 5 days, 2 nights

8. Closest thing you get to a sunburn is a rash from the hotel linens

7. Instead of a wet t-shirt contest, there's a less satisfying "wet hat" contest

6. Limbo stick looks an awful lot like a human femur

5. Difference between the presidential suite and a regular room? Free Q-Tips

4. Ask where to take a swim, the concierge suggests mall fountain

3. The bed in your room is not a water bed but it's awfully damp

2. Conga line ends at Scientology Center

1. Most action you got was when mom kissed you goodbye

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE FROGS & TOADS - CHILLIN' OUT - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148865.html

CUTE LITTLE GREEN FROGGYS - JUST PLAYING! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/148965.html

STRANGE FLOATING ISLANDS - MADE FROM REEDS - LAKE TITICACA - SOUTH AMERICA - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/149364.html

STRANGE OLD SPORT - AUTO POLO! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/127026.html

STRANGE OLDE RACING VEHICLES - #66 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/147574.html

DONUT KING "JET" DRAGSTER DELIVERY VAN! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/123656.html

FORMULA 1 RACING - SINGAPORE GRAND PRIX - PIT CREW DANGER - HOSE STILL ATTACHED! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149732.html

HAWAIIAN WAR CANOE - SCARY! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/149737.html

THE SMALLEST HOUSE IN GREAT BRITAIN - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/149738.html

SEA WALL SURPRISE - HUGE WAVE! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/149739.html

BEWARE THE MYSTERIOUS FULL MOON! - IN THE DESERT - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/149753.html

STRANGE HUGE RUSSIAN BOMBER - K-7 - 6 ENGINES - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/149755.html

STRANGE SHOWDOWN - CAT vs. LIZARD - 7 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/149764.html

NASTY FARM KID - EATING KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN IN THE CHICKEN COOP! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/149774.html

STRANGE OLDE RECORDS & ALBUM COVERS - FIRE BALLET - TWO TOO - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149780.html

STRANGE BLONDES - STATIC HAIR! - ELECTROSTATIC GENERATOR - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/149787.html

STRANGE MILITARY ARMED ROBOT VEHICLE - MANY CANNONS, ROCKETS AND GUNS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/149805.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SR - A - Nascar - Stock Car Racing - Ford Racing - Chevy Racing - Dodge Racing

http://www.strangeracer.com/content/category/100523_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Strange Mystery of Flight CS-59 - 8-2-47 - South America - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149704.html

High School Answering Machine Message! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/102963.html

Strange Analogies - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/113496.html

Top 20 Oxymoron's - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/110790.html

Strange Things You Learn in College (Not in Class) - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/118476.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SR - J - BICYCLE RACING - Mountain Bike - Tour de France - Sprints

http://www.strangeracer.com/content/category/100528_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Freitag, 17. April 2009

[b3ta] "WE'RE EVEN LESS BUSY THAN ASHTON KUTCHER"

This Week:
* VIDEO - Disturbing Strokes
* CHALLENGE - Fluffy Disasters
* QUESTION - Embarrassing fan moments

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're making
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | testicle tetris...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| together"

B3ta email 374 - 17 Apr 2009

Download this newsletter with your modem:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue374/

Fruit: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Vegetables: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Plant bingo anyone?

In a secret greenhouse somewhere in the UK, the
'Honda: good to grow' webcam is pointing at 24
real tulip plants. Sign up, get your five
plants to watch over, and if they bloom first,
you can win £10,000! It's all to celebrate the
launch of Honda's ever-so-affordable new Hybrid
– the Insight. Get growing!
http://tiny.cc/MiyIN

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
The loony bin is open

>> Dan & naD <<
Clever, clever stuff from Dan (and Dan), who
has made a palindromic comedy sketch about a
guy who starts ageing backwards. "As you can
probably guess," he explains, "This took
quite a while to get right. But we wouldn't
have it any other way."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwWI1aHpzy0

>> Disturbing Strokes <<
"A quick change of music and a couple of
tweaks" from Monty Propps have transformed the
opening titles of classic sit-com Diff'rent
Strokes into something altogether creepier.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/302078

>> Talent <<
Food for thought from Goodiebag Kirby, as he
mulls over the 'myth' of 'talent'. Interesting
subject, which got sparked us off on a good
'debate'.
http://www.goodiebag.tv/episodes/15_talent.htm

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Nightclubs

Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
and lies into one handy place on the interweb.

Last week we asked about your experiences in
nightclubs:
http://b3ta.com/questions/nightclubs/

* I'LL GET MY - "A little the worse for wear by
the cloakroom. It's nearing the end of the night
and I go up to the cloakroom lady and say, 'I'm
very sorry, but I've lost the ticket for my
jacket, is there any chance I could get it back
without the ticket?' She looked impatient and
said, 'I've already given you your coat.' And
then had the temerity to add, 'and you are
wearing it.' I've not really been back since."
(teebie jeebie)

* ROOFIES - "My mate Landon, bored, tried picking
up girls a couple levels out of his league.
Plastic cup in hand, he shoves his head into a
crowd of four girls sitting at a table and, in
a shifty foreign accent, goes, 'Excuse me, but
do you know where I can get, erm, I can't remember
what they're called... you put them in someone's
drink when... when you want to go home with them.'
At this point their looks of disgust turn to
abject horror: 'DATE RAPE!?' one of them shouts,
loud enough to turn heads over the shitty music.
'I, I don't know. Is that what they're called?
These pills, you put them in drinks and they get
sleepy and...' 'DATE RAPE!?!' she shouts again.
By this point the rest are looking a bit nervous
and I see a bouncer heading our way. 'I, I suppose.
Do you know where to get them?' 'OF COURSE NOT!'
Then, in perfect English he replies, 'Thank God,
watch my drink!' and walks off towards the
bathroom. The abrupt transformation from horror,
to confusion, to tears-streaming-down-face laughter
was truly a sight to behold." (TheManWhoWas)

* DINOSAUR - "Trying to get into the Garage in
Sauchiehall Street on my 18th birthday - a
friend had given me a toy dinosaur as a present,
so when they asked if I had any weapons with me,
I pulled dino out of the bag and shouted 'RAWR!
I have a vicious man-eating lizard, does that
count?' They then asked if I had any ID to
prove that I was over 5..." (vitamin c)

>> This Week's Question <<

What lengths have you gone to in order to show
your devotion to your heroes? Just how big a
fan are you? Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/fans/

-------------------------------------------------

: BONUS SPONSORED LINKYPOOS
Forget Dinner

The UK's least romantic dating site:
http://www.forgetdinner.co.uk

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Dork Yearbook <<
Vintage pictures of young nerds, posing with
their early computers. Particularly delightful
is an 80s current affairs show, introducing
America to the latest trend from Japan - Super
Mario Brothers.
http://dorkyearbook.com/

>> Circuit Snacks <<
Claiming to be "the tastiest way to design and
learn about electronic circuits", here's an
in-depth guide to replicating circuits with
sweet, sweet, uh, sweeties. We could be looking
towards a new generation of toothless techies.
http://www.evilmadscientist.com/article.php/circuitsnacks

>> Uncomfortable Plot Summaries <<
Wilfully perverse short summaries of film, TV
and comic stories. For example, Star Wars:
Religious extremist terrorists destroy
government installation, killing thousands.
Batman: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
http://snurl.com/g31cw [www_postmodernbarney_com]

>> Bleak kids' word book <<
'Child's first dictionary' spoof that introduces
baby to a world comically full of sadness and
woe.
http://myfirstdictionary.blogspot.com/

>> Sex with presidents <<
"I paint myself having sex with the Presidents
of the United States in chronological order,"
explains crazy artist Justine Lai. It's like a
grotesque jazz mag for political historians.
And somewhat NSFW.
http://justinelai.com/

>> Derek Acorah has cancelled some tour dates <<
And his excuse is a psychic classic. "It is
with deep regret that we announce the
cancellation of two shows due to unforseen
television commitments." Doh.
http://www.derekacorah.org/

>> Stars in a 50's stylee <<
Some dedicated pinup fan has collected together
a gallery of modern stars photographed as if
they were 50's pinups. A healthy shot of classy
glamour.
http://www.listal.com/list/pinup-picture

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TAN MAKES CARD GAME ==
We've got 10 to give away

Remember that War on Terror board game made by
Andrew Sheerin that ended up being seized by
Plod under the crappy terrorist laws? Well,
he's back and has a new game that he's hoping
won't get him sent to jail. We've got ten to
give away to the best answers to the classic
joke feedline, "why did the chicken cross the
road?"
http://www.robmanuel.com/2009/04/16/win-10-copies-of-crunch-the-card-game/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like laserdiscs that you don't have to flip

>> Why condoms don't protect you from AIDS <<
Extended argument, with scientific examples, as
to why a condom will fail to protect you from
STDs. Leads to a startling denouement. This guy
is a pure delight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaZBSZ0xbfk

>> Interview fail <<
News reporter goes to interview suspect in
local crime, only to find she's batshit crazy.
Watch him gradually lose the will to live. She,
on the other hand, seems to be having a
brilliant time and manages to plug her costume
shop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5IQqMCAsow

>> We didn't start the flamewar <<
Fantastic animated webpage tomfoolery. The
greatest Billy Joel-inspired online community
tribute song ever!
http://snurl.com/g31dd [www_madville_com]

>> Tug of war - face edition <<
Two guys wear tights over their heads and
attempt to pull each other over, while the
camera zooms in on their comically-distorted
faces. We never realised noses could squash
quite so much.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Tug_of_war_Face_Edition

>> Boss hip hop <<
Rhyming middle manager takes you through a
typical day in his increasingly demented
working life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NisCkxU544c

-------------------------------------------------

: GET YOUR TATS OUT
for the geeks

Chat Magazine runs a fantastic feature where
dole-scum readers send in their dreadful body
art. Generally it's mums with their kids' names
scrawled on their flabby arms. But it's not
just the pikeys who are proud of their ink:

* GEEKY TATTOOS - cribbed from our twitter
friend Christian H, a rock star programmer, a
regular turn on the programming conference
circuit and the proud owner of an off, play and
stop switch on his wanking arm.
http://www.geekytattoos.com/

* TASTELESS TATS - interview with a man who's
made it a mission to daub his body with the
most tasteless tattoos in the world. Included
are a man with a vagina eating his own leg, a
tranny having a dump and best of all, a Nazi
unicorn on his arse.
http://snurl.com/g31e3 [news_bmezine_com]

* SATANISM FAIL - confusing the Star of David
with a pentagram really is Devil Worship 101.
http://imgur.com/MOUSN.jpg

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA PEOPLE #2
More stuff from the mentals

>> Gordon Brown <<
Jonti doesn't like Gordon Brown. He's a dull
man, in a boring suit. Why can't we have
someone more exciting and dynamic, like Kim Il
Jong or Robert Mugabe?
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Gordon/

>> Snooker loopy George <<
Respected news journalist George Alagiah sings
Chas & Dave from a troublespot in the
developing world, thanks to the digital
wizardry of kb3d. Has an odd charm.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Snooker_Loopy

>> Gay Spacemen <<
You know the jokes a-coming, but it can't
prepare you for Joel and gang relentlessly
pounding it in your face again and again.
Hooray!
http://rathergood.com/spacemen

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Computer Game Reality Challenge

Last week we wanted you to show us the
grim reality behind the so-called "fun"
of computer games.

Your favourites included:

* BOMB - even on Planet Bomber, internment
camps and rendition flights were a
subject of much fierce debate
(Lazio Woodbine)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9347700

* INVADER - controversial image appearing
to suggest that a sprite may have been
captured by the US Government (WiL)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9346671

* SNAKE - the star of Nokia gaming made
regular, mysterious visits to the
ladies room (ferret)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9360032

All these images, and the highest as
voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/reality/

>> New challenge: Fluffy Disasters <<
Time to bring a little happiness to a
globe in turmoil: take atrocities,
murders, disasters, the lot, and make
them as fluffy as fluffy can be.
Challenge suggested by workboresme.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fluffydisasters/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* CRANK LETTERS - Robney McPlum has been
sending harassing emails to Olympic
representatives to provoke correspondence about
his penis. Best line? "We are unable to use
your cock as the official snack for the women's
Olympic team." Which is fair enough really,
most of them prefer rug.
http://snurl.com/g31er [i236_photobucket_com]

* T-SHIRTS - one of the amazing joys of running
B3ta is the occasional freebee sent by members.
Thanks to Pat Wood of truffle-shuffle who sent
the whole Fuhrer family t-shirts. Witness Angus
modelling a Twister t-shirt. BTW: Our cat Rocky
is also available for modelling duties if
anyone wants to send us a year's supply of cat
biscuits or much-needed flea treatment.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/robmanuel/3448105266/

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Find the Key

We used to drive our old flatmates insane by
constantly losing our keys and being locked
out, until one day, they bought us a chain and
said, "tie the fucking things to your belt and
stop waking us up at 3 in the morning." Maybe
you'll have more luck finding your keys in this
rather good game. Shame about the irritating
pre-roll ads.
http://www.bartbonte.com/meandthekey

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* THE RETURN OF COMMUNISM - so that all
electronic items are manufactured by the
government and all take the same chargers and
other wires. (The Russian iPod, it's compatible
with everything but only plays the Red Army
Choir)

* TWITTER ZORK - Mike Trinder suggests,
"Monkeon's idea that you could play the classic
text adventure Zork via Twitter had me thinking
that's possible to do. Infocom's Z-machine code
is freely available."
http://b3ta.com/board/9359613

* CAKE ON THE NHS - apparently those with wheat
intolerances can get a prescription for special
cake. We're just saying, Mr Doctor, can we have
this too?

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by MrQaz, Alex
Humphreys, @dr_whom, chunderbunny, funkenstein,
shambla and Boondocks - YEAH! Top Tippery by
Rob. Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
subjlols via Scaramanga

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Use the subtitles on the The Wire DVDs, it
makes all the mumbling and complicated plotting
actually comprehensible.

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
"UK Students Die In Safari Crash." I bet they
wished they'd just stuck with Internet Explorer
now.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Mittwoch, 15. April 2009

Vol 790 - Apr. 15, 2009 - Strange Laws Around the World

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeRacer.com !

LET YOUR RACING FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT THIS FUN NEW SITE!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About the Media:

News is what somebody somewhere wants to suppress; all the rest is advertising. (Lord Northcliffe)

You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough. (Joseph E. Levine)

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. (Daniel J. Boorstin)

There's no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary. (Brendan Behan)

In the future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes. (Andy Warhol)

Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead. (Claud Cockburn, winning entry for a dullest headline competition at the Times)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Laws Around The World

Check out these nutty laws from across the U.S.A. and around the globe!

* In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as "the old ball 'n' chain."

* In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a waiter to tell a customer "I'm really an actor."

* In Indiana, it's against the law to dress "Barbie" in "Ken's" clothes.

* In Sedona, Ariz., it's illegal to lie about your astrological sign.

* In Texas, it's illegal to threaten somebody with an UNLOADED gun.

* In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your wife's birthday.

* In Australia, it's illegal to name any animal you plan to eat.

* In Cannes, France, it's illegal to wear a Jerry Lewis mask.

* In New Jersey, answering a traffic cop who asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" by saying, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" is an automatic $300 fine.

* In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.

* In Portugal, it's against the law to pee in the ocean.

* In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.

* In Vermont, it's illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.

* In Tennessee, it's illegal to tell someone to quit smoking.

* In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter.

* In Georgia, it's illegal to teach a child under 5 the words "penis" and "vagina."

* Unmarried women are not allowed to buy edible panties in South Carolina.

* In Italy, anyone considered "obese" is forbidden from wearing polyester.

* It's illegal to tear a phone book in half in Montana.

* Anyone caught selling a "smoothie" that has lumps is breaking the law in California.

* In Arkansas, it's illegal for a woman getting married for the second time to wear a white wedding gown.

* In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to put a dollar on a string on the ground and yank it when someone tries to pick it up.

* In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call it a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE ENTRANCES - TEETH & BIG MOUTH DOORWAYS! - TEETH! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148678.html

STRANGE MILITARY JET - F-4? - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148711.html

BASEBALL DANGERS - FOUL BALL FLIES INTO THE CROWD! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/149371.html

STRANGE CRITTERS - FROG WHO IS DEFINITELY NOT A PRINCE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/149381.html

STRANGE CROP CIRCLES AND FARM FIELDS - ARTFIELD - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/149659.html

F1 RACING WINNERS - SOME TROPHIES ARE BIGGER THAN OTHERS! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/149689.html

F-1 RACING DANGERS - FRONT HALF OF THE RACER IS GONE! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/149690.html

F1 RACING DANGERS - TWO RACERS FLYING! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149691.html

RALLY CAR FAN DANGERS - ATTEMPT TO GET A CLOSE-UP PHOTO A DISASTER! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149692.html

RALLY CAR PHOTOG DANGERS - RALLY CAR FLIPS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149693.html

WINTER SPORTS - SWISS 4 MAN BOBSLED RACING DOWN THE TRACK - COOL HELMETS! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149695.html

STRANGE DRAG RACE - SCHOOL BUS & PICKUP TRUCK DOING WHEELIES! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/128943.html

STRANGE BICYCLE RACING - VELODROME DANGERS - FEMALE RUSSIAN RACER RUNS OVER FALLEN BELARUS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149697.html

STRANGE FORMULA 1 RACING - ON ICE OVAL IN ST. MORITZ ! STUDDED TIRES! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149696.html

STRANGE WATER SPORTS - DRAG BOAT RACING DANGERS FLIP - ONE DRIVER "WALKS AWAY!" - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149698.html

STRANGE RACING - WHEELCHAIR RACER ADJUSTS HIS RACING WHEELCHAIRS REAR TIRES - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149699.html

STRANGE RACING - AIR RACES - PYLONS SET UP ON THE THAMES RIVER - LONDON! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149700.html

STRANGE FORMULA 3 RACER PROTOTYPE - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/124996.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SR - H - RACING ACCIDENTS - Crashes - Disasters - Pile-ups - Injuries

http://www.strangeracer.com/content/category/100526_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- Taxman Dies Unnoticed at Desk - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/25328.html

What Happened? You TAX Everything! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/120722.html

The 9 Weirdest Tax Write-offs - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/106839.html

Strange Stuff Found in Taxi Cabs - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/109880.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SR - B - F1 - Formula One Racing - Indy Cars - Champ Cars - Open Wheel Racing

http://www.strangeracer.com/content/category/100519_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike

Mittwoch, 29. April 2009

Vol 794 - Apr. 29, 2009 - Strange Dictionary For Women

Sonntag, 26. April 2009

Vol 793 - Apr 26, 2009 - Strange Actual Book Titles

Freitag, 24. April 2009

[b3ta] "Heads and kneecaps... truncheon blows..truncheon blows"

Mittwoch, 22. April 2009

Vol 792 - Apr. 22, 2009 - Strange Idle Thoughts - Why? Why?

Sonntag, 19. April 2009

Vol 791 - Apr. 19, 2009 - Top Ten Signs You're On A Lame Spring Break

Freitag, 17. April 2009

[b3ta] "WE'RE EVEN LESS BUSY THAN ASHTON KUTCHER"

Mittwoch, 15. April 2009

Vol 790 - Apr. 15, 2009 - Strange Laws Around the World

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