Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: Oktober 2016

Sonntag, 30. Oktober 2016

VOL 1546 - OCT 30, 2016 - Your Strange Halloween HorrorScope

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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SPECIAL HALLOWEEN FUN!

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Strange Halloween Dictionary

Bobbing Apples: What happens when you leave your bra off while running.

Boogieman: Guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.

Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your throat.

Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.

Full moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your fridge.

Goblin: How you eat the Snickers bars you got for Halloween.

Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done. Also, see "Mr. Hyde."

Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin.

Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his lottery tickets after losing each week.

Mummy: Who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.

Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears when trying to quit smoking.

Skeleton: Any supermodel.

Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with.

Witch: See "Mother-in-Law."

Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee.

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Your Halloween HorrorScope

HORRORSCOPES

Ascaryus (Jan 20-Feb 18): This Halloween looks to be a scary one for you. But before you go around crying, "Ooooh, I want my mummy! I want my mummy!" think about this: You want more lovin', right? Well, if you run around like a scaredycat, you will, to quoth the raven, "Neverscore."

Pieces (Feb 19-Mar 20): Vampires are evil, hypnotic people who will emerge in the night and drain you. Sounds like someone I used to date. You need to be careful because you may have closed the metaphoric coffin lid on a relationship, only to find that this person will rise from the graveyard of your heart to worm their way back into your life. One word of advice from "Buffy The Vampire Slayer": A vampire can only come in if you invite them.

Scaries (Mar 21-Apr 19): You've got to pick up every stitch this Halloween because, unless I miss my guess, it must be the Season of the Witch. If only every holiday could be commemorated with a bad Donovan song. Wouldn't it be great, on Thanksgiving, to sit around the table, giving thanks for the bounty we are to receive by singing a rousing round of "Mellow Yellow"? That is truly the most horrifying thought you can be faced with this Halloween.

Tarot (Apr 20-May 20): Sure, you ladies have been looking for some lovin'. But you don't want to go for just any Tom Dick and Harry. And heaven forfend you go for any Jack you find, especially when that Jack is some hollow-headed grinning gap-toothed idiot. But then again, despite his weird exterior, if you look inside, you'll see a flame burning bright. This might be the season of the witch, but if you try not to act so witchy and look past the odd exterior, you'll find hidden depths in the ugliest places.

OnlyOneEye (May 21- Jun 20): Horror is in the eye of the beholder, whether that eye be bloodshot and yellow, peering at you from the shadows of the night, or whether the eye is a horrible dismembered giant radioactive eye. What is truly scary? A werewolf? A werewolf is not so much a horrible half-man half-beast as a chronic undershaver. A headless horseman is just the victim of a particularly bad hair day. In much the same way, you can find the brighter side of anything that comes your way, no matter how horrific or annoying.

Dancer (Jun 21-Jul 22): Scary is relative, and we don't just mean your crazy relatives who threaten to come visit for six weeks, but rather the idea that whereas a movie with monsters made out of cardboard boxes and paper mache may have been the scariest thing you'd ever seen when you were eight, it now looks like crap. You must get over your initial fears of a new project or relationship; although it seems insurmountable now, if you stick with it, you will eventually be able to overcome it.

Tao (Jul 23-Aug 22): Frankenstein's monster was, of course, made out of the parts of a couple dozen other people, which must have been hell when it came to custody hearings. Nothing's more awkward at a family reunion than having one-tenth of Cousin Harry show up at the buffet. You, too, feel like you're being pulled in twenty different directions, but you'll soon receive the jolt you'll need to get on your feet again.

Vertigo (Aug 23-Sep 22): Pity the poor skeleton who wanders around on Halloween, looking so unfashionable in all-white a full two months after Memorial Day. Of course, he can't help it, and he is actually successful in the love department; after all, he is "ribbed" for her pleasure. This week you'll find that you attract more flies with honey than even dead zombie flesh, and being inherently nice to the opposite sex will make them flock to you like vultures to a skeleton.

Webra (Sep 23-Oct 22): Zombies are pretty well-known for trying to suck the brains out of people's heads. As was every high school algebra teacher I ever had. Coincidence? Considering that those people were always pale on the point of being green, had trouble communicating more than moans and incoherent screams, and had awkward, stumbling walks down the hallway, I think it's lucky I escaped without some horrible "Night of the Living Dead scenario." You escape a horrific fate worse than death , if you can steer clear of boring people at parties.

Scareio (Oct 23-Nov 21): You think you're being slick, but the truth is that you're like a ghost; people can see through you, and all the noise you're making is more effective scaring small children and dogs than actually doing anything. It's time to leave your old haunts and take care of that grave matter that's all your vault.

Sekeltarious (Nov 22-Dec 21): Boo! Scared ya!

Capricandycorn (Dec 22-Jan 19): You're in the zone this week! The Twilight Zone, that is, and it's going to be a creepy thrill ride with an incredibly ironic twist at the end that serves as a commentary on our mixed-up Cold War nuclear society. Don't let the creepy situations you get yourself into this week get you skittish. Let them get you Skittles; why not go Trick-or-Treating? It's fun to dress up, get given stuff, and not have to give ten percent to a big guy named Huggy Bear. And Halloween candy doesn't count as calories!

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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WIND TURBINE DANGERS - WATCH THIS SPINNING TURBINE ON FIRE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/199773.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - HILLARY, TRUMP & SANDERS JACK-O-LANTERNS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199826.html

MILITARY JETS - F/A-18E SUPER HORNET - LOOK DOWN OF AIRFLOW OVER WINGS - WOW! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199682.html

SEXY CELEBRITIES - TAYLOR SWIFT - YOUNG AND TODAY! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/199686.html

RUSSIA'S ONLY AIRCRAFT CARRIER - THE ADMIRAL KUZNETSOV - SMOKES AS IT PASSES THE CLIFF OF DOVER! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/199750.html

AMAZING BUILDING MURALS - 3 STORY HOUSE PAINTS WINDOWS ON BLACK WALL! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199751.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - ORANGE CAR FRONT CONVERTED TO JACK-O-LANTERN FACE1 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199753.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - STRANGE BIRD COSTUMES - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/199755.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - CLEVER COSTUME - ONE NIGHT STAND! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/199756.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - CLEVER APE WITH CAGED MAN COSTUME! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199757.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - DAD MAKES CHEAP COSTUME USING LARGE PEPSI BOTTLE - HAIR AS LIQUID! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199758.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - DOG WITH AFRO AND SUIT - BAD MOTHER PUGGER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199760.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - CLEVER USE OF BANANAS AS LITTLE GHOSTS AND TANGERINES AS TINY PUMPKINS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/199761.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - STRANGE OLDE WATER-SKIING WITCHES AT FLORIDA PARK - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/199762.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - CLEVER COSTUMES - THE SPICE GIRLS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199769.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - CLEVER COSTUME - TACO BELLE - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/199770.html

STRANGE NFL CHEERLEADERS ALL DRESSED AND READY FOR HALLOWEEN! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/189800.html

OLDE STARS - HALLOWEEN PINUPS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/179378.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - EDUCATION - High School - Grade School - Kindergarten

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100341_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- Halloween Groaner - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/21959.html

- Strange Halloween History - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173230.html

- 3 Halloween Poems - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/25045.html

- 20 Fun Things To Do On Halloween - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/169698.html

- Halloween Humor - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/20466.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - EDUCATION - High School - Grade School - Kindergarten

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/119_1.html

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Dienstag, 25. Oktober 2016

VOL 1545 - OCT 26, 2016 - Strange Advice From the Old Farmer

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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OCTOBER FUN !

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Strange Quotes About "Fools"

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. ~ Douglas Adams

You don't have to fool all the people all of the time; you just have to fool enough to get elected. ~ Gerald Barzan

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. ~ Josh Billings

A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him. ~ Nicholas Boileau

Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. ~ Frank Dane

A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave. ~ William Drummond

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Advice From the Old Farmer

An Old Farmer's Advice

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.

Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Submitted by Gary

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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SEXY CELEBRITIES - JENNIFER LAWRENCE - YOUNG AND TODAY! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/199685.html

INSTANT KARMA - BULLIES GETTING A SURPRISE KNOCK OUT! SHORT GUY KO'S MAN 3 FEET TALLER! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199697.html

OLDE VEHICLE ACCESSORIES - 1924 - FIRST CAR PHONE! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/199698.html

GREAT SPORTS PIX - AWESOME SHOT OF FEMALE HIGH JUMPER! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/199735.html

AMAZING ACTION GIF OF SOCCER GOALIE BLOCKING CLOSE SHOT WITH HIS FACE! - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/199737.html

STRANGE RELIGIOUS PIXS - POPE WHEN HE WAS YOUNG WEARING A BLACK SABBATH T-SHIRT! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199738.html

FARM FUN - COOL AERIAL LOOK DOWN AT HAY BALE FUN MAZE! WOW! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/199739.html

CRAZY! EXTREME SNOW SKIER JEREMIE HEITZ'S NEAR VERTICAL 4,000 METER MOUNTAIN DROP! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/199740.html

STRANGE OLD MYSTERIES - AT JFK ASSASSINATION SCENE "BABUSKA" LADY TOOK PICTURES - NEVER CAME FORWARD! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199741.html

EXTREME FOOTBALL GAME TAILGATING - WITH CLASS! - FINE SILVERWARE AND CRYSTAL! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/199742.html

CRIMINALS WHO ARE MORONS AS WELL - MAN ATTEMPTING TO BREAK STORE WINDOW WHOSE FACE WAS UNCOVERED FALLS - FUNNY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/199743.html

ELIZABETH HURLEY AGING BEAUTIFULLY! SEE HER NOW AT 51 YRS OLD! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199744.html

STRANGE RELIGIOUS ITEMS - NYC 9-11 LIGHT BEAM CAPTURES AN ANGEL! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199745.html

STRANGE GOLF PIXS - GOLFER TEES OFF AND SEES TORNADO COMING IN THE DISTANCE! - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/199747.html

AVIATION TECHNOLOGY HISTORY - CHARLES LINDBERGH "SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS" INSTRUMENT PANEL IN COCK PIT - FIRST TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHT - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/199749.html

STRANGE DEATHS BY MORONS - SEGWAY SCOOTER COMPANY OWNER DIED DRIVING IT OVER A CLIFF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199661.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - BASEBALL - WORLD SERIES - ALL STAR GAME - PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100019_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Names of Unusual Items - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/169243.html

Strange Facts About Sneezing - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/169509.html

Strange Facts About Automobiles - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/169511.html

You Know You're From Pennsylvania if... - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/168596.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SS - BASEBALL - WORLD SERIES - ALL STAR GAME - PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/101_1.html

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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT - Because of a number of requests, we are becoming more active of both Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook. We will periodically be Tweeting the latest BEST or Most UNIQUE pictures. WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU FOLLOWING US!

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Samstag, 22. Oktober 2016

VOL 1544 - OCT 23, 2016 - Things That Are Difficult to say When Drunk

Dienstag, 18. Oktober 2016

VOL 1543 - OCT 19, 2016 - Strange Southern Drawl Words Translated

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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OCTOBER FUN !

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

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Strange Proverbs

A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master. - Russian Proverb

A drink precedes a story. - Irish Proverb

A drowning man is not troubled by rain. - Persian Proverb

Better wear out shoes than sheets. - Scottish Proverb

Every ass loves to hear himself bray. - Proverb of Unknown Origin

Friends are lost by calling often and calling seldom. - French Proverb

He that marries for money will earn it. - American Proverb

Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one. - Chinese Proverb

Lend your money and lose your friend.- English Proverb

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Southern Drawl Words Translated

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or y'allbonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools.

The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage "Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow. "Usage "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) -- a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage "Just set that bare rat cheer."

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage "He's did, Jim."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen. Usage "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction. Usage "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."
SEED - (verb) -- past tense of "to see".

VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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HELLISH PICTURES OF BRAZILIAN GOLD RUSH 1980'S - WOW! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/199672.html

FIRE FIGHTING HUMOR - FIRE STATION SIGN GETS MAD AT PEOPLE FOR KITCHEN FIRES! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/199673.html

STRANGE BATHROOM PRODUCTS - SOCCER FIELD IN URINAL CREATES GAME FOR MEN WHILE TAKING A LEAK! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/199674.html

WHEN MORONS MEET UP - STUPID TUG OF WAR BETWEEN 2 PICKUP TRUCKS END IN DISASTER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199675.html

FARM FUN - HUGE WAREHOUSE FULL OF POTATOES - LARGE STORAGE FACILITY - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199655.html

NEW PARKING VIOLATORS IDEA - NO WHEEL BOOT BUT WINDSHIELD COVER! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/199657.html

STRANGE DEATHS BY MORONS - US CONGRESSMAN SHOOTS HIMSELF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199660.html

COOL OLD CARS - 1959 CADILLAC - BEST REAR END EVER DESIGNED! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/199662.html

MILITARY ARMS - CLOSE UP OF CARGO PLANE GUNSHIP - LETHAL CANNONS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199663.html

HALLOWEEN FUN - COOL FLASK FOR DAD - HE CAN GET SHEET FACED! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199664.html

COOL PIXS - AERIAL LOOK DOWN OF CHICAGO NIGHT LIGHTS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199665.html

STRANGE JACK-O-LANTERNS - SCARY SCENE SHOWS UP AT NIGHT! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199666.html

STRANGE OLDE MAGAZINE ADVERTISING - SCHLITZ BEER FOR MOM THE BAD COOK! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/199667.html

STRANGE NASA PIXS - FIRST EVER PICTURE TAKEN OF THE SURFACE OF A COMET 67P! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/199668.html

STRANGE INSECT CAMOUFLAGE - INSECT LOOKS EXACTLY LIVE A LIVE LEAF! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/199670.html

STRANGE HUNTING & FISHING PIX - AMAZING CAMOUFLAGE FOR HUNTER - ALMOST INVISIBLE! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/199669.html

STRANGE POLICE DEMOS - LETHAL DOSE OF HEROIN & FENTANYL SIDE BY SIDE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/199671.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - DAY TRIPS - STRANGE DESTINATIONS - BRIDGES - MOTELS - TOURIST SPOTS - GAS STATIONS - JUNK YARDS - DEALERSHIPS - PARKING LOTS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100726_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

US Navy Gets PC Makeover — While its Ships Fall Apart - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/199656.html

Test For Dementia - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/117963.html

Strange Facts - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/118509.html

Strange Celebrities Who Are Missing Fingers - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/117637.html

Strange 'Paraprodokian' Sentences - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/167656.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SV - DAY TRIPS - STRANGE DESTINATIONS - BRIDGES - MOTELS - TOURIST SPOTS - GAS STATIONS - JUNK YARDS - DEALERSHIPS - PARKING LOTS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT - Because of a number of requests, we are becoming more active of both Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook. We will periodically be Tweeting the latest BEST or Most UNIQUE pictures. WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU FOLLOWING US!

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Sonntag, 16. Oktober 2016

VOL 1542 - OCT 16, 2016 - The Unofficial Drivers Test/Quiz

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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OCTOBER FUN !

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

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==================================

Strange Sports Quotes:

"I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."
-- (1986) Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs

"It's basically the same, just darker."
-- (1991) Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons

"Gosh, Dad, that means we're not going to any more bowl games."
-- (1991) Eleven-year-old son of Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at Arizona State and Ohio State, after the coach took the job with the Boilermakers

"They can't fire me - my family buys too many tickets."
-- (1986) LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14 children

"Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
-- (1991) Athlete's response to Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, when the player was asked: "Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?"

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
-- (1991) Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins

"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject"
-- (1987) Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Unofficial Drivers Test/Quiz

The Unofficial Drivers Test

We've all seen it. People change when they get behind the wheel of a car.
So now, to profile your personality, here is the special Driving Test...

1: Which part of your car wears out most often?
a: the wiper blades
b: the belts
c: the horn

2: Automatic door locks are good for...
a: security
b: convenience
c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in

3: I hate the rain because...
a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions
b: I answered (a) to question #1
c: I just washed my car

4: Please select the statement that best describes you.
a: I have never written in the dust on someone's car
b: I have written "wash me" in the dust on someone's car
c: I have drawn genitalia in the dust on someone's car

5: The "bright" setting on your headlights is for...
a: dark, poorly lit roads
b: flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c: revenge!

6: I have enough power in my car stereo system to...
a: get it loud enough to drown out road noise
b: get it headbanging loud for my Metallica CD
c: cause permanent hearing loss to anyone within ten feet

7: How many times have you been pulled over for speeding in the last year?
a: zero or one, because I'm generally a safe driver
b: two or three, because I've had some unlucky breaks
c: before or after they took my license away?

8: What hand gesture do you use most while driving?
a: "go ahead"
b: "thank you"
c: "@#!*&%^!"

9: When a bicyclist is next to you, you should...
a: be aware of them
b: speed up and get past them
c: open the door

10: Your rear view mirror is for...
a: watching for approaching cars
b: watching for approaching police cars
c: checking your hair

11: If you are driving and you begin to feel very sleepy, you should...
a: pull off to the side of the road and rest
b: stop at the next convenience mart and get a liter of coffee or Mountain Dew
c: drive faster

12: The Highway Patrol exists to...
a: ensure the safety of all motorists
b: issue as many tickets as possible
c: keep donut shops in business

13: You are supposed to signal a turn or lane change...
a: 50 feet prior
b: 25 feet prior
c: right after you do it

14: If I had a lot of money, I'd spend it on...
a: a minivan
b: a really cool sports car or 4-wheeler
c: bail

15: The best thing about a chauffeured limousine is...
a: I don't have to drive
b: I can stretch out, relax, and have a drink
c: leaning out the open sunroof and shouting at and/or flashing people

How to score the quiz:

Give yourself one point for every A, two for every B, and three for
every C. Tally up the points and consult the list below.

15-24 Points
You're a good driver. You watch the speed limit, remain calm, and
observe not only the rules of the road, but also the etiquette. And
since you drive so safely and so politely, you'll live a long time.
Long enough to decelerate with each passing decade until you're one of
those old people in a big car, going ten miles under the speed limit
in the fast lane and pissing all the rest of us off.

25-35 Points
Hey! Joe Average! You're a decent driver without being boring. You
get where you're going fast without too much danger. In fact, you're
the type of person we all like to ride with. Well, all of us except
your mother, because "you're going too fast! Watch out for that car
in front of you! You're going to kill us all!"

36-45 Points
Remember in driver's education class when they told us to drive
defensively? You're the reason.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

SCARY SPIDER THAT LOOKS LIKE AN OREO SITTING ON THE GROUND! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/199609.html

STRANGE HOTELS - YOUTH HOSTEL IN GERMANY IS ALL TINY HOUSE TRAILERS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199610.html

STRANGE RELIGIOUS BUILDINGS - 800 YEAR OLD WOODEN CHURCH BUILT WITHOUT ANY NAILS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199611.html

STRANGE MULLET VERSION OF A YELLOW PICKUP TRUCK - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/199612.html

HILARIOUS JACK-O-LANTERN - PUMPKIN WITH REAR END OF PUSSY CAT! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199613.html

STRANGE SELF BALANCING BMW CONCEPT MOTORCYCLE! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/199615.html

BIGGEST SPORTS LOSERS - CHICAGO CUBS LAST WON WORLD SERIES IN 1908! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199616.html

STRANGE CANADIAN BEHAVIOR - EVEN THEIR LITTER IS CLEAN AND ORGANIZED - FULL TRASH CAN! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199617.html

STRANGE DEADLY BEAUTIFUL SNAKES - AFRICAN BUSH VIPER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199618.html

TRAVEL TIPS - HOW TO PERFECTLY FOLD A SHIRT 3 EASY STEPS- FUN ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/199620.html

AMAZING AERIAL LOOK DOWN AT HUGE SOLAR FARM! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/199621.html

WORKPLACE MORONS - IDIOT USING SLEDGE HAMMER TO TEAR DOWN WALL BE STANDING ON MULTIPLE STORIES HIGH! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199624.html

WHY KIDS ARE AFRAID OF CLOWNS - SCARY CLOWN FACE JACK-O-LANTERN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199622.html

CLASSIC OLDE CELEBRITIES - GEORGE REEVES AS THE ORIGINAL SUPERMAN WITH LOIS LANE! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/199623.html

STORM DANGERS - EXTREMELY LETHAL ELECTRIC WIRES MELT BLACKTOP ROAD AFTER STORM! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199625.html

CELEBRITY FUN - KIM KARDASHIAN EATS THE PICK COTTEN CANDY HAIR OF ENTERTAINER SEATED IN FRONT OF HER - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/188422.html

STRANGE PRODUCTS - FOLDING CAR COVER - FRONT AND REAR SECTIONS FLIP UP INTO TOP! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/188423.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - ALL SHIPS - BATTLESHIPS - FRIGATES - TENDERS - DESTROYERS - CRUISERS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100040_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

5 Really Strange Riddles! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/188416.html

10 Strange Things About the FBI - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/155189.html

Strange Resume' Blunders - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/154879.html

The Strange Mongolian Death Worm - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/155176.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - ALL SHIPS - BATTLESHIPS - FRIGATES - TENDERS - DESTROYERS - CRUISERS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/119_1.html

==================================

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Mittwoch, 12. Oktober 2016

VOL 1541 - OCT 12, 2016 - Strange Facts About Inventions and Inventors

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

OCTOBER FUN !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

==================================

Strange Quotes on "Stupidity"

In politics stupidity is not a handicap.

I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.

Stupidity has a certain charm - ignorance does not.

STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere!

There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.

Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Tis sometimes the height of wisdom to feign stupidity.

'Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting' RAH.

There are four things that hold back human progress. Ignorance, stupidity, committees and accountants.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Facts About Inventions and Inventors

Strange Facts About Inventions and Inventors

In 1894, Lord Kelvin predicted that radio had no future; he also predicted that heavier-than-air flying machines were impossible.

The word "sneaker" was coined by Henry McKinney, an advertising agent for N.W. Ayer & Son.

Charles Macintosh invented the waterproof coat, the Mackintosh, in 1823.

Air-filled tyres were used on bicycles before they were used on motorcars.

The paperclip was invented by Norwegian Johann Vaaler.

Music was sent down a telephone line for the first time in 1876, the year the phone was invented.

Optical fiber was invented in 1966 by two British scientists called Charles Kao and George Hockham working for the British company Standard Telecommunication.

Joseph Niepce developed the world's first photographic image in 1827.

The videophone was invented by Bell Laboratories in 1927.

The very first projection of an image on a screen was made by a German priest. In 1646, Athanasius Kircher used a candle or oil lamp to project hand-painted images onto a white screen. Modern projectors emit more than a thousand Lumens!

The first neon sign was made in 1923 for a Packard dealership.

The first vending machine was invented by Hero of Alexandria in the first century. When a coin was dropped into a slot, its weight would pull a cork out of a spigot and the machine would dispense a trickle of holy water.

The can opener was invented 48 years after cans were introduced.

The hair perm was invented in 1906 by Karl Ludwig Nessler of Germany.

Leonardo da Vinci never built the inventions he designed.

Traffic lights were used before the advent of the motorcar.

The Monopoly game was invented by Charles Darrow in 1933. He sold the rights to George Parker in 1935, then aged 58. Parker invented more than 100 games, including Pit, Rook, Flinch, Risk and Clue.

One hour before Alexander Graham Bell registered his patent for the telephone in 1876, Elisha Gray patented his design. After years of litigation, the patent went to Bell.

Thomas Edison filed 1,093 patents, including those for the light bulb, electric railways and the movie camera. When he died in 1931, he held 34 patents for the telephone, 141 for batteries, 150 for the telegraph and 389 patents for electric light and power.

The first fax process was patented in 1843.

Count Alessandro Volta invented the first battery in the 18th century.

During the 1860s, George Leclanche developed the dry-cell battery, the basis for modern batteries.

In 1894 Thomas Edison and W K L Dickson introduced the first film camera.

In 1895 French brothers Auguste and Louis Lumiere demonstrated a projector system in Paris. In 1907 they screened the first public movie.

The first electronic mail, or "email", was sent in 1972 by Ray Tomlinson. It was also his idea to use the @ sign to separate the name of the user from the name of the computer.

Queen Elizabeth of Britain sent her first email in 1976.

In 1889, Kansas undertaker Almon B. Strowger wanted to prevent telephone operators from advising his rivals of the death of local citizens. So he invented the automatic exchange.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

A GREAT IDEA FOR ALL THE SOCIALIST PROFESSOR HYPOCRITES OUT THERE - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/199568.html

STORM HUNTERS - HUGE THUNDERSTORM WITH LIGHTNING & RAIN - WOW! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/199542.html

AMAZING DAMAGE IN CUBA FROM HURRICANE MATTHEW - HUGE WAVES KNOCKED ROCKS ONTO BEACH ROADWAY - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199583.html

STRANGE MOVIE FUN - THE REAL GHOST BUSTERS CAST AND THE NEW FAKE ALL WOMEN ONE! NOT EVEN CLOSE! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/199584.html

COOL MILITARY PIXS - LINE UP OF 5 OSPREYS READY FOR BATTLE ON CARRIER DECK - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/199585.html

FARM FUN - HAYSTACK GUARDS - STORKS! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/199586.html

SPORTS FAN DANGERS - LOOK AT THE WEAPONS - AXES AND SPEARS CONFISCATED FROM EUROPEAN SOCCER FANS - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/199587.html

COOL CUSTOM JEWELRY - USS ENTERPRISE STAR TREK RING! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/199588.html

FAST FOOD FUN - MCDONALD'S WORKERS IN SWEDEN - ALL BLONDES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199589.html

BEST HALLOWEEN YARD DISPLAY EVER! - ZOMBIES BEHIND CHAIN LINK FENCE ATTACKING SURVIVORS - WELL DONE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199592.html

FOREST FIRE DANGERS SIGN - NO FIRES - THEY MEAN IT! - DON'T EVEN FART! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199593.html

STRANGE VANITY PLATES - DRIVER TIES IN SPECIALTY PLATES FOR KIDS FIRST! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/199594.html

OLDE CELEBRITY FUN - A VERY YOUNG FRANK SINATRA EATING A HUGE PILE OF PANCAKES - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199595.html

STRANGE OLD MOVIE MONSTERS - 1953 VERSION OF NASTY ROBOT! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199605.html

STRANGE 3-D OPTICAL ILLUSION - HURTS YOUR EYES! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/199606.html

STRANGE SPORTS DISASTERS- SKATEBOARDER DOES A HUG FAIL - THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK! ACTION GIF - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/199607.html

ITALY'S ONLY AIRCRAFT CARRIES ALONG SIDE USS HARRY S TRUMAN AND FRENCH CARRIER CHARLES DEGAUL - 2013 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/199539.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - I - ANIMALS FROM AROUND THE WORLD!

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/101316_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Electronic Labels - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/181804.html

20 Strange Famous Last Words - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/166183.html

Top 10 Most Mysterious FBI Cases - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/165635.html

Strange Names - What is it Called? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/165295.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SF - I - ANIMALS FROM AROUND THE WORLD!

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/119_1.html

==================================

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT - Because of a number of requests, we are becoming more active of both Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook. We will periodically be Tweeting the latest BEST or Most UNIQUE pictures. WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU FOLLOWING US!

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https://www.facebook.com/pages/StrangeCosmosAcom/278654660263

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------------------------------------------------------------

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Sonntag, 9. Oktober 2016

VOL 1540 - OCT 09, 2016 - Strange "Cake" Personality TEST

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

OCTOBER FUN !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

==================================

Strange "PC" Quotes:

There is an annual contest at University of New Brunswick calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term was: "Political Correctness".

The winner wrote: "Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end."

Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organizes hatred. Jacques Barzun

Political Correctness doesn't change us, it shuts us up. Glenn Beck

The cornerstone of the political correctness that dominates campus culture is radical feminism. Phyllis Schlafly

"The two pillars of 'political correctness' are:

a) willful ignorance

b) a steadfast refusal to face the truth"

"Political correctness is the natural continuum from the party line. What we are seeing once again is a self-appointed group of vigilantes imposing their views on others. It is a heritage of communism, but they don't seem to see this." Doris Lessing

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -'CAKE' Personality Test

Take this cake personality test; then, send this e-mail on to others.

When you send this e-mail on, put your cake in the subject box above. No cheating. Pick your cake then, look to see.

If you were buying a cake and you had your choice of the following, which would you choose:

Angel food

Brownies

Lemon Meringue

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing

Strawberry Short Cake

Chocolate on Chocolate

Ice Cream

Carrot Cake

NO...you can't change your mind once you scroll down So think carefully, what your choice will be!!!

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you:

Angel food ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being child-like and immature at times.

Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, &articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing ... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life, very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad, however, you are a friend for life.

Strawberry Short Cake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly-emotional and annoying at times.

Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

Ice Cream... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. ! People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STORM HUNTERS - WALL CLOUD INSIDE THE EYE OF A CATEGORY 4 HURRICANE - MATTHEW - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199542.html

PROOF THAT MOM REALLY DOES LIKE MY BROTHER BETTER! FUNNY NOTE FROM MOM - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199545.html

TRAVEL FUN - SPECTACULAR RAINBOW FALLS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199546.html

COOL BUILDING TALENTS - CUSTOM STAIRWAY AND MATCHING FLOOR MADE FROM TREE DOWNED BY HURRICANE SANDY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199547.html

STRANGE WWII ITEMS - HUGE WARSHIP GRAVEYARD - JUST ROTTING HULLS STICKING UP - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/199548.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION MIRROR TREE HOUSE - IT DISAPPEARS FROM DIFFERENT ANGLES! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/199549.html

CLEVER HOME MECHANIC SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF WORKING ON HIS JACKED UP PICKUP TRUCK - LAY ON THE GARAGE ROOF! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/199550.html

AMAZING REAR VIEW OF HEAT TRAILS FROM B1 BOMBER TAKING OFF! - http://www.strangeMILITARY.com/content/item/199551.html

COOL WATER LEVEL ALLIGATOR PICTURE - BOTH ABOVE AND BELOW WATER ! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199552.html

AMAZING COLORIZED PHOTOS - ABE LINCOLN MEETING WITH GENERAL SHERMAN IN FIELD TENT! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/199553.html

STRANGE BUSINESS - UPDATED VERSION OF OUTDOOR DRIVE-IN MOVIE THEATER! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199554.html

Colts Release Antonio Cromartie Two Days After He Kneels for National Anthem - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/199533.html

SHARON TATE AT CANNES FILM FEST 1968 - JUST BEFORE HER MURDER BY CHARLES MANSON FOLLOWERS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199534.html

AMAZING EPIC VIEW OF HAWK STRIDING AT YOU! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/199535.html

F-35B TAKES OF FROM ITALY'S ONLY AIRCRAFT CARRIES - PREPARING FOR STEALTH FIGHTERS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/199538.html

STRANGE PRODUCTS - GLOW IN THE DARK BICYCLE PATH - RECHARGES EVERY DAY! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/199540.html

STRANGE BATHROOM FLOOR MADE UP OF THOUSANDS OF BOTTLE CAPS! - LOOKS COOL! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/189780.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - AMPHIBIOUS CARS, VEHICLES, AIRPLANES - THEY FLOAT!

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100739_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- Strange Sports Stars Rituals and Superstitions - http://www.strangcosmos.com/content/item/199517.html

- The Strange History of The Taxi - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/156333.html

- 10 Strange Things About the FBI - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/155189.html

- You Might be From Las Vegas if… - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/155537.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - AMPHIBIOUS CARS, VEHICLES, AIRPLANES - THEY FLOAT!

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT - Because of a number of requests, we are becoming more active of both Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook. We will periodically be Tweeting the latest BEST or Most UNIQUE pictures. WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU FOLLOWING US!

Please Click here to begin following: https://twitter.com/headstranger
https://www.facebook.com/pages/StrangeCosmosAcom/278654660263

http://www.pinterest.com/headstranger/boards/

------------------------------------------------------------

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

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Mittwoch, 5. Oktober 2016

VOL 1539 - OCT 05, 2016 - Strange Examples of "DoubleSpeak"

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

AUGUST FUN !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

==================================

Strange New Word Definitions:

Smile - A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Dictionary - The only place where divorce comes before marriage.

College - A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.

Yawn - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Classic - A book which people praise, but do not read.

Marriage - It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master degree.

Experience - The name men give to their mistakes.

Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.

Atom Bomb - An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Examples of "DoubleSpeak"

From the Quarterly Review of Doublespeak

A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor recorded the following on the patient's chart: "Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential."

Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the American Journal of Family Practice fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."

The letter from the Air Force colonel in charge of safety said that rocket boosters weighing more than 300,000 pounds "have an explosive force upon surface impact that is sufficient to exceed the accepted overpressure threshhold of physiological damage for exposed personnel." In other words, if a 300,000-pound booster rocket falls on someone, he or she is not likely to survive.

A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-personnel devices." You probably call them bombs.

At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status." That is, they were fired.

A personal ad from an unidentified mewspaper announces that a "formerly single man" seeks a single or married woman.

After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it) only to receive the following notice: "We must report that during the handling of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an unusual laboratory experience." The use of the passive is a particularly nice touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously sent him.

The description on the package of Stouffer's Veal Tortellini with Tomato Sauce says it contains "exquisite egg pasta." The list of ingredients, however, includes "cooked noodle product."

In St. Louis there is an oriental rug store that advertizes "semi-antique" rugs.

The Minnesota Board of Education voted to consider requiring all students to do some "volunteer work" as a prerequisite to high school graduation.

Senator Orrin Hatch said that "capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."

According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December 22, 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm." Their "farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year. But as a "family farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a year.

Scott L. Pickard, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Department of Public Works, calls them "ground-mounted confirmatory route markers." You probably call them road signs, but then you don't work in a government agency.

It's not "elderly" or "senior citizens" anymore. Now it's "chronologically experienced citizens."

According to the FAA, the propeller blade didn't break off, it was just a case of "uncontained blade liberation."

When a Professional Bull Rider suffered three cracked vertebrae and a broken collar bone after having been bucked an enraged 1,800 pound animal, the medical authorities attributed his injuries to "aggravated bovine ejection."
No joke!

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Sonntag, 2. Oktober 2016

VOL 1538 - OCT 02, 2016 - Strange Regional Differences - Planning For The Football Season in the North & South

SORRY FOR THE DELAY - OPEN HEART SURGERY SLOWS ONE DOWN

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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AUGUST FUN !

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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Quotes of the Day -

"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office." - Covert Bailey

"If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people." - Jim Eason

"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car." - Carrie Snow

"A waist is a terrible thing to mind." - Ziggy (Tom Wilson)

"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."- Rita Rudner

"Those in the cheaper seats clap. The rest of you rattle your jewelry."- John Lennon (1940 - 1980)

"The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other." --Ronald Reagan

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Planning For The Football Season in the North & South

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip to the South, here are some helpful hints.

Women's Accessories

NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani

SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson

Getting Tickets

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campusand purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.

Monday Classes After a Saturday Game

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have to prepare for classes on Monday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Monday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played

NORTH! : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male)

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.."

Commentary (Female)

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers

NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.

Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football!

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