VOL 1194 - Feb 27, 2013 - Beer Label Warnings

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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FEBRUARY FUN
Time For Some Strange Fun !


------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_10201.html
STRANGE COINS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - WILD DESIGNS - SMELLS AND SHAPES!

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/news_9713.html
STRANGE CAVES & GROTTOES AROUND THE WORLD - NEW!

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_8763.html
STRANGE ANIMALS IN OLDE TRAVELING CIRCUS & VAUDEVILLE SHOWS - ELEPHANTS, LIONS AND HORSES!

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/news_2561.html
STRANGE BEER AND LIQUOR IMAGES

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_5124.html
STRANGE VEHICLES FOUND ON A RAILROAD TRACK!

==================================

Strange Thoughts to Ponder:

Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?

Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?

Does peanut butter really have butter in it?

Do mimes watch silent movies?

Is the fear of flying groundless?

What would you use to dilute water?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Beer Label Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. (Apparently this has happened to several people?!)

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.


==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE BALD BOOBS - VIN DIESEL AND BRUCE WILLIS CREATE FUN CLEAVAGE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187101.html


STRANGE BUGS WITH HUMAN FACES - 3 - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/187034.html


STRANGE LITTLE 3 WHEEL 1956 VALLE "CHANTECLER" - CANVAS TOP! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187137.html


ALCOHOL TEST - WHAT YOUR "LIQUOR" DRINK SAYS ABOUT YOU - MARTINI - "YOU LIE ABOUT HOW NICE THE THINGS YOU OWN ARE WHETHER OR NOT YOU ACTUALLY OWN THEM!" - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187102.html


WINTER SNOW DRIVING DANGERS - CITY SALT TRUCK SLIDES ON ICY STREET INTO 3 PARKED CARS - DANGEROUS ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187052.html


STRANGE OLDE WEST RODEO - COWBOY BULL RIDING TURNS INTO BUFFALO RIDING CONTEST! - CUSTER COUNTY RODEO AND FAIR - 1935 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/187133.html


THE "REAL" ORIGIN OF THE WEDDING DRESS - COMPLETE EXPLANATION COULD BE DANGEROUS - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/187134.html


GREAT SPORTS HISTORY PHOTOS - STARTING BLOCKS OF WORLD RECORD 100 YARD DASH, THE INSTANT TO STARTERS GUN GOES OFF! - WOW! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/187135.html


STRANGE 1954 CORVETTE CONCEPTS - BUBBLE TOP! - WIRED WHEELS AND WHITE WALLS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/187136.html


STRANGE STICK LIKE INSECT - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/187037.html


STRANGE WWII MILITARY EQUIPMENT - MODIFIED SHERMAN TANK - NO TRACKS - HUGE METAL WHEELS FRONT & REAR FOR BEACH MINE CLEARING - - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/187138.html


AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE DANGERS - RESCUE SQUAD USES CHERRY PICKER TO HELP RESCUE PRONE THRILL SEEKERS STUCK HIGH IN THE AIR - SOMEBODY CALL MOM! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/187139.html


SEXY OLDE STAGE AND SCREEN STARS - JANE RUSSELL - THE CLASSIC WWII PINUP -THE FAMOUS HAYSTACK SCENE "THE OUTLAW" - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/187140.html


STRANGE OLDE DRIVE INNS AND RESTAURANTS - STRANGE COMBINATION OF COLONEL SANDERS KFC AND HAMBURGER STAND! - c. EARLY 1950'S - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/187141.html


HISTORIC OLDE SPORTS STARS - BOXING GREAT JACK DEMPSEY SITTING IN HIS SPECIAL 1922 MCFARLAN ROADSTER CONVERTIBLE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/187142.html


KATE UPTON FIRST SI MODEL TO HAVE HER OWN BASEBALL CARD ISSUED BY TOPPS - 2 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/186990.html


STRANGE JAPANESE CONCEPT CARS - 1963 NISSAN PRINCE SPRINT 1900 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187088.html


THE FOUR FACES OF JENNIFER LAWRENCE AT THE OSCARS! - FUNNY! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/187143.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/31_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Naval History - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/130345.html


20 Strange Facts About Hitler - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/139073.html


Moron Complains About an Air Force 'Flyby" - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/136961.html


You Might Be A Wall Street Occupier, If......... - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/180244.html


Strange Things I Learned in the South - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/180100.html


McDonald's Outsmarts Moron's at San Francisco City Council on Happy Meal ban - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/180072.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/115_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

GOLF - COURSES - TOURNEYS - PROFESSIONALS - http://www.strangeGolf.com/

YOUR FAVORITE ACTION GIF'S AND OPTICAL ILLUSIONS- http://www.strangeFunVideos.com/

LEISURE DESTINATIONS AND TRAVEL http://www.strangeVacations.com/

RACE CARS AND OTHER VEHICLES - DRAGSTER - BIKES http://www.strangeRacer.com/

BLONDE CELEBS AND ROCK STARS - Tanks http://www.strangeBlondes.com/

COLLEGE STUFF - DORMS - FRATS - BAR LIFE http://www.strangeCollege.com/


==========================

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VOL 1193 - Feb 24, 2013 - Strange Laws in Australia & Tasmania

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

FEBRUARY FUN
Time For Some Strange Fun !


------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_9720.html
STRANGE OLDE SHIPS AND OCEAN VESSELS - GREAT LAKES

http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/news_86.html
SPEEDERS BEWARE - TRAFFIC COPS AT WORK!

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/news_9053.html
STRANGE PET CEMETERIES & TOMBSTONES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_3167.html
THE WORLDS STRANGEST HAIRCUT & HAIRDOOOOO'S!!!!!

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/news_3373.html
STRANGE BRIDGES AROUND THE WORLD

==================================

Strange "March Madness - Basketball" quotes:

"These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it." - Charles Barkley

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." - John Wooden

"I'm tired of hearing about money money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok." - Shaquille O'Neal

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." – Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care." – Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player

"Some things you just can't question. Like you can't question why two plus two is four. So don't question it, don't try to look it up. I don't know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is four. So certain things happen. Why does it rain? Why am I so sexy? I don't know." – Shaquille O'Neal

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Laws in Australia & Tasmania

Australia:

· A life sentence is 200 years.

· Children may not purchase cigarettes, condoms or alcohol, but they may use them.

· You may never leave your car keys in the door of an unattended vehicle.

· It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a cat burglar.

· It is illegal to dress up as batman

· It is illegal to walk on the right hand side of a footpath.

· Under Australian Communications Authority (ACA) regulations, a modem can't pick up on the first ring. If it does the, ACA permit for your modem is invalid and there's a $12,000 fine. -Telecommunications Act 1991.

· Taxi cabs are required to carry a bale of hay in the trunk.

· Bars are required to stable, water and feed the horses of their patrons.

· The legal age for straight sex is 16, unless the person is in the care/custody of the older person, in which case it is 18.

Victoria

· Only licensed electricians may change a light bulb. The fine for not abiding by this law is 10 pounds.

· It is illegal to wear hot pink pants after midday Sunday.

· You must have a neck to knee swimsuit in order to swim at Brighton Beach.

Tasmania

· Until the Port Arthur Killings it was legal to own an AK-47 but not legal to be gay


==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

BACKYARD ANIMAL FUN - CAT TRIES SNEAK ATTACK AND BUNNY JUMPS 3 FEET INTO THE AIR - FUNNY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/102904.html


1953 CADILLAC LE MANS CONCEPT BY HARVEY EARL - GEORGE BARRIS TOUCH - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187029.html


STRANGE BUGS WITH HUMAN FACES - 1 - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/187036.html


STRANGE WORLD EVENTS - AMAZING HUMAN TOWER CONTEST - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187080.html


STRANGE FIND WALDO PICTURE - NORTH KOREAN MILITARY FORCES ALL DRESSED UP AND FORMAL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187081.html


GERMAN LUFTWAFFE F-104 SQUADRON FLYING OVER WORLD TRADE CENTER - MANHATTAN - NEW YORK IN 1986 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/187045.html


STRANGE CONCEPT CARS - 1950 OLDSMOBILE ROCKET CAR - BUBBLE TOP - AMAZING FINS - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187082.html


GREAT AIR FORCE THUNDERBIRDS COCKPIT VIEW OF UNDERSIDE THUNDERBIRD LOGOS ON 3 ABOVE JETS! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/187083.html


STRANGE 2014 CADILLAC CONCEPT THORIUM FUELED SPORTS CAR - AWESOME DESIGN! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187084.html


STRANGE AUTO SHAPED 2 STORY HOUSE - IS THAT A VOLKSWAGEN WITH HUGE WHEELS AND A SUNROOF? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187085.html


STRANGE MOTORCYCLE RACER - NATURE CALL IN THE MIDDLE OF RACE- HE HOPS FENCE TO PORT-O-JOHN! - FUNNY ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/187086.html


STRANGE JAPANESE CONCEPT CARS - 1970 NISSAN 270X - HUGE GLASS REAR WINDOW/TRUNK! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/187087.html


GREAT OLDE BABE RUTH POSTER - CLASSIC INSPIRATIONAL LINES AS THE 'SULTAN OF SWAT' CHOOSES HIS BAT - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/187093.html


9 CLASSIC CELEBRITYROCK STARS MUG SHOTS - FROM FRANK SINATRA - JOHNNY CASH - MICK JAGGER - ELVIS - CURT COBAIN - OTHERS - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/187094.html


STRANGE JAPANESE PRODUCTS - ROLLS ROYCE SPUN GOLD BOOTS - WITH ROLLS ROYCE GRILL AND HOOD ORNAMENT ON TOES! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187095.html


AMAZING ROOF SNOW REMOVAL TOOL - SLICES SNOW DRIFT WHICH SLIDES DOWN PLASTIC SHEET! - GREAT IDEA! - COOL ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/187098.html


DUMB FAT BLONDE SMACKS DOWN ON PILLOW SENDING LIL' CAT FLYING - CRAZY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/187096.html


STRANGE DANCER DOES FACE PLANT OFF STRIPPER POLE - OUCH - PAINFUL ACTION GIF - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/187097.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - ASIANS - CHINESE - JAPANESE - THAILAND

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100269_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Classic Letter to Police Regarding Driving Complaint - Must Read! - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/119133.html


The Strange History of Corned Beef - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/156336.html


More Strange Mysteries of Easter Island - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/149706.html


The Strange History of Istanbul - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/145854.html


Strange Laws Around the United States - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/143930.html


Strange Laws in Canada - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/143929.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - ASIANS - CHINESE - JAPANESE - THAILAND

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/112_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

GOLF - COURSES - TOURNEYS - PROFESSIONALS - http://www.strangeGolf.com/

YOUR FAVORITE ACTION GIF'S AND OPTICAL ILLUSIONS- http://www.strangeFunVideos.com/

LEISURE DESTINATIONS AND TRAVEL http://www.strangeVacations.com/

RACE CARS AND OTHER VEHICLES - DRAGSTER - BIKES http://www.strangeRacer.com/

BLONDE CELEBS AND ROCK STARS - Tanks http://www.strangeBlondes.com/

COLLEGE STUFF - DORMS - FRATS - BAR LIFE http://www.strangeCollege.com/


==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

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Do NOT Reply to this automated e-Letter: E-Mail replies to this message will not be seen.

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[b3ta] "Athlete's legs found in lasagne"

 

This Week:
* BLACK METAL STYLE - Interior design
* LIFE ADVICE - From machines
* GOATS - Yelling like humans

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We are saving, we
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | are saving with
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| Slipstream... together"

B3ta email 569 - 22 Feb 2013

Read this issue into bin to make it sound flat:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue569

Flirty fishing : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Deprogramming : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Buy your own drone for £250

Drones are very in, in 2013. If they're not
killing people in Pakistan they're monitoring
the public in the USA. And now? This technology
is coming to the consumer. You can fly these
buggers outside for 15 minutes and it sends HD
video to your smartphone. Ideal for frightening
the shit out the bloke next door who listens to
Alex Jones podcasts. You might need to customise
it a bit to get it to shoot people mind you.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007HZLLPY/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Smoking, salami, shakes, offcuts & fighting

>> Marco Doobio <<
Smearballs goes from strength to strength with
these little satire spots for Conan. Here,
Republican senator Marco Rubio gives his
response to Obama's State of the Union address.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Marco_Doobio

>> Petsalami <<
"I saw this cute dog doing something funny or
whatever, I don't remember..." begins
MattiasKallio. "Anyway, it was on Petsami. I
read it wrong and got Petsalami instead, I
thought that was funny so." Please forward to
as many gullible people as possible.
http://www.petsalami.com/

>> Rolling Harlem Shake <<
"Inspired by that vine peek thing we were all
looking at last week," confesses Tom Devart,
"here's a real time (ish) feed of Harlem Shake
videos." Formulaic yet endlessly inventive.
http://www.harlempeek.com/

>> Animated offcuts <<
"Any danger of squeezing my dodgy-looking
selection of Offcuts in your newsletter?"
inquires Chipping Sodbury. Sorry, buddy, we
don't like quick-fire gags and Gilliamesque
animation.
http://vimeo.com/59293888

>> YouTube interactive fighting <<
"I made this interactive fighting video that
turns YouTube into a real life XBOX 360! or
close enough anyhow," brags Faceburger. Clever,
but would be improved if you could actually
punch YouTube commenters, in their actual,
real-life faces.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAYznaYScQQ

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Utterly Drunk

Last week we wanted your stupid 'I got drunk
and pooed on a car' stories. Yay! Now go read
buffet_the_appetite_slayer's story of alcoholic
misery and redemption:
http://b3ta.com/questions/utterlydrunk/

* PEACH - "On a stag weekend in Budapest we
decided we had to try the national tipples.
One was the hilariously-monikered Unicum,
the other is Palinka, which is drunk in a
stemmed glass and comes in various flavours
ranging from "really quite nice" to "somebody
shoot me please." One evening saw us in a
cool cellar bar getting a couple more beers
before our taxi arrived. Suspended above our
heads was a giant green glass ball with a
tap on the bottom. Truly it was a beauteous
thing to see. "What's that?" "Palinka" replied
the barmaid "Honeyed peach flavour!" We looked
at each other. Honeyed peach! That sounded
delicious! Two were ordered, and downed at
the bar. Ho. Lee. Fuck. O_o. Honeyed peach?
Undead peaches in diesel, more like. We gasped,
spluttered, swore, clung to the bar as our
consciousness wavered, then staggered back to
where the rest of the group was sitting. Not
only did beer completely fail to mask the taste,
but everyone made us sit at the far end of the
table as the smell was making them all feel sick."
(Professor Kenny Martin)

* TRAIN - "Getting the last train from London
to Exeter can turn a lovely drunken sleepy
commute into a half dazed nightmare should
you wake up in Plymouth or Penzance (I've done
both.) But this train terminated at Exeter
so I was happy to knock back a few tins of gin,
showed my ticket and pass out into my Chuck
Palahnuik safe in the knowledge I'd not
overshoot into another country. When I awoke
the train had indeed stopped in Exeter, only
quite a few hours before. Everyone had alighted,
the inspector checked the carriages, the driver
pulled into the sidings, switched off all the
lights, locked up and gone home. Half dazed
nightmare doesn't cover it. At least the swishy
doors between carriages don't switch off so as
you stumble back and forth in panic it's a bit
like a shit episode of Star Trek. Calling 999
('Ummm, I'm locked on a train') the police told
me to wait for the controller, who finally located
me and helped me off. 'I bet this happens all
the time', I said rather sheepishly to my saviour.
He looked at me witheringly. 'No'."
(garetha)

* POO - "I got stuck in the sunroof of a car.
I was trying to have a poo on the windscreen
and the glass gave way."
(Wooflington Pig)

>> This Week - LOL BIGOTS! <<
Tell us stories of bigots, racists, sexists,
homophobes and loud-mouths so that we may point
and laugh:
http://b3ta.com/questions/lolbigots/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Gangster Bankers: Too Big to Jail <<
Got to love Matt Tiabbi, the Rolling Stone
journalist who once described Goldman Sachs as a
"great vampire squid wrapped around the face of
humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel
into anything that smells like money." His
latest is on a round of banking scandals, where
the authorities admit it's too dangerous to jail
the culprits, despite them being caught red
handed laundering drug and terrorist money.
http://rol.st/UiVY5b

>> You had one job... <<
In what could be a sequel to the minor internet
meme "there, I fixed it" comes a collection of
photos of inept work. Keep pressing the right
key and occasionally smirk. It's like wanking
for your smile muscles.
http://hadonejob.com/

>> A New Hope Via DNS <<
Oh old B3tans, remember telnetting into
towel.blinkenlights.nl to get an ascii version
of Star Wars? Your wait for a slight
(unofficial) sequel is finally over. Simply
traceroute to 216.81.59.173
http://bit.ly/VXHWlV

>> Life advice from machines <<
Error messages as self-help? Oh god we're
getting nostalgic about error messages now - how
a Read Error B was always worse than a Read
Error A.
http://lifeadvicefrommachines.tumblr.com/

>> Place map of rude names <<
Here's a list of places to visit, then ask the
locals, "is this Cocking Fuckberry?" whilst they
look at you with the contempt you deserve.
http://maps.geotastic.org/rude/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Imagine if a Casio Camera Watch was colour!!!

>> Black Metal interior design <<
Your new favourite death metal band takes
interior design rather seriously. Gigglesome.
Reminds us Adam Curtis's comedy advice: take
silly stuff seriously. eg. a deadpan news
report about a skateboarding dog.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Black_Metal_Interior_Design

>> Goats yelling like humans compilation <<
Unsure if this is dubbed or not - it certainly
doesn't sound like the goats in Kentish Town
City Farm. (You should visit; one is named
flopsy because he's been castrated.)
http://bit.ly/12RvN9A

>> Kittens vs. Sock Ninjas <<
Inspired bit of video compositing - green screen
some ninja blokes and make them fight cats.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Kittens_vs_Sock_Ninjas

>> Vic 'n' Bob pop music show pilot <<
A largely-forgotten 30-minute pilot from the
early 90s, featuring some truly shit bands - Cud
& a girl group with Martine McCutcheon in it.
Strangely fascinating. TV from a decade
that we almost remember, but not quite like this.
http://bit.ly/15xNZ7y

>> Darwin Deez - You Can't Be My Girl <<
Genius use of stock footage to make creepy
singer even more creepy. Wish we'd thought of it.
http://bit.ly/XryrMb

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
The most adorable frog you will ever see!

When disturbed the Namaqua rainfrog has the
ability to inflate to twice its size and squeek
like a child's toy. Cute - he thinks he's being
scary. Pixar will probably base their next
cutefest on this little cunt and earn enough
money to shit on the Moon.
http://bit.ly/XryszC

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Actually names for once

* FLUSH THE PATRIARCHY DOWN THE BOG - Ashley
Kennerley writes to us to say, "The name of this
company is a stroke of genius." Indeed, although
it sounds like there isn't much stroking allowed.
http://www.stopcocks.co.uk/

* OH MY COCK, MY ACHEY BREAKY COCK - Fray
Brentos writes, "Just been sent to me by a
colleague. Think he can get some cream for that."
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/akin-koc/b/257/b40

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Panda Challenge

Last week we wanted you to celebrate the
panda's rare splendour

Your favourites included:

* TOPICAL: that's the last time this cute
fella buys any of that cheap Findus
bamboo (Frogbeat)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10927373

* STOVE: turn your hob into a living,
breathing panda face, or something
(monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10928832

* MYSTERIOUS: Peter the Panda is a
secret agent from Seattle, but his life
is unexciting (Fresh Water Mole)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10929553

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/pandas/

>> New challenge: Sex-Up Literature <<
Sales are plummeting, apart from 50
Shades of Grey, which has been the
saviour of bookshops everywhere. The
answer is obvious: literature needs to be
sexier for it to survive. Your job this
week is to make it so. Challenge
suggested by Paul_P.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/sexybooks/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* SHED OF THE YEAR 2013 - "It's that time of
the year when I leave my shed and post here,"
writes wilco. Because, once again, entry is
open to the prestigious Shed of the Year
competition. There's already a strong field,
but you have until May 3rd to get your own
entry in:
http://bit.ly/13madWv

* HOW TO DRAW REALLY GOOD: SONIC -
Superpowerless continues his series of art
tutorials that show you how to get that
classic, in-the-head look. "If in doubt," he
writes, "add more fingers."
http://bit.ly/VOtaU6

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* MONEY TREES - we've looked all over the
gardening centre for these but the staff first
pretended to laugh then finally asked us to leave.

* 3D PRINTED FOOD - surely it's only a matter of
time before we pour in sugar, protein and fat
then print out our own horse-burgers?

* NANOBOTS THAT KEEP OUR TOENAILS TRIMMED - and
don't write any naughty viruses that make them
snip off our cocks.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Let's have kids: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Trial separation: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by
TheTrampSurveyor, Legless, Mert, dr_mx,
gavindixon, Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver,
Fray Brentos, ThunderThrust, Captain Howdy,
Jabberwoc & Faceburger.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via Gruffi.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Website owners: Need money to fund your
extravagant lifestyle full of hookers and
cocaine? Disable the search function on your
website and then ask people to donate money to
'fix' it. (2 Can Chunder)

__._,_.___

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VOL 1192 - Feb 20, 2013 - The Strange History of Toilet Paper!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

FEBRUARY FUN
Time For Some Strange Fun !


------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/news_2438.html
STRANGE TRAVELS - ENGLAND & IRELAND

http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/news_10030.html
STRANGE BICYCLE RACING PROBLEMS - ACCIDENTS - SPILLS - FUN - TOUR de FRANCE - OLD FRANCE PIXS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_10707.html
STRANGE SWIMMING POOLS - ALL KINDS - SIZES - SHAPES - AFLOAT - PARKING

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_10456.html
NEW IMAGES RECENTLY POSTED - OLDE PICTURES - LONDON ENGLAND - TURN OF THE CENTURY

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/news_10025.html
STRANGE & UNUSUAL WEDDING DRESSES - FROM CRAZY TO CASUAL TO SPECTACULAR!

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?' --Larry Miller

"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad." --Christopher Case

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman." --Bruce Baum

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." --Sue Murphy

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Strange History of Toilet Paper!

Before toilet paper was invented, French royalty wiped their bottoms with fine linen.

Did you ever wonder what people did when Nature called, and the Sears catalogue hadn't been printed yet? Well, they were inventive. And of course, it depended on your status in life, how comfortable your "inventions" were.

The Chinese were attributed with the first man-made paper circa 50 B.C. (as opposed to your basic parchment and papyrus.) In the beginning it was formed from bamboo products. Then someone decided to soak linen rags, beat them to a pulp, and turn the results into more sheets of paper. From that stellar start, would come the first recordings of paper made for bathroom duty, in 1391. But it was only made for the emperor. In sheets that measured 2' x 3'. The Bureau of Imperial Supplies is reported as having turned out 720,000 sheets annually.

Romans were a bit more "prissy". They used wool and rosewater, or sponges full of seawater, tied to the end of a stick. But for the common people, even in the "civilized" world, it was "use what Nature provides, when she calls". That meant leaves, balls of hay, moss, or bark. In the Middle Ages, some "privys" had a scraper stick left in a container, for your personal cleanliness. Vikings were known to use lambs wool, while Eskimos used moss or a handful of snow. Cold, but "shell" we say, not as rough as Hawaiians who used the coconut's hard hide. Royalty of course, fared much better, with lace and silk being popular in France.

America was no further advanced than the old countries. They used corn husks, and leaves, then when they came along, newspapers, the Sears catalogue and the Farmers Almanac, all of which provided good "thinking time", while you were outside in the little house.

The first American toilet tissue was produced in 1857 by Joseph Gayette, who marketed packets of 500 sheets for fifty cents. It contained aloe, and was touted as a "therapeutic" paper for... sore spots. His name was stamped on each and every sheet.

Toilet paper on a roll appeared in 1890, when it was still an unmentionable Victorian topic. Even the famous Scott company that made it, didn't want their name associated with the "end" product. So it was custom-wrapped for individual retailers under other labels and names.


==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

WWII - SQUADRON OF AVENGERS - JAN 1945 - http://www.strangevehciles.com/content/item/186859.html


1948 MERCURY ROADSTER CONVERTIBLE WITH CONTINENTAL KIT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187027.html


STRANGE BUGS WITH HUMAN FACES - 7 - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/187030.html


STRANGE VIETNAM MAIL ORDER BRIDES - FREE REPLACEMENT IF SHE RUNS AWAY WITHIN ONE YEAR! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187041.html


STRANGE PRODUCTS - TONGUE SCRAPER FROM NORTH KOREA - ENDORSED BY SUPREME LEADER! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/187042.html


STRANGE PROPELLER JET EXPERIMENTAL 1950's - XF-84H THUNDERSCREECH - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/187043.html


STRANGE EXPERIMENTAL AIRCRAFT - NORTHRUP XP-79 FLYING RAM - PILOT LAYS ON HIS STOMACH THIS FLYING WING! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/187044.html


SCRAY HIGHWAY DRIVER PULLS IN FRONT OF FULL SPEED DRIVER WHO SWERVES TO AVOID ACCIDENT - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/187049.html


COPS CHASE JACKED UP PURPLE GHETTO CAR WITH 24'S AND AN OPEN DOOR THRU SHOPPING CENTER PARKING LOT - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/187050.html


X-47B STEALTH DRONE ON AIR CRAFT CARRIER ELEVATOR - UN-MANNED COMBAT DRONE - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/187056.html


GREAT SPORTS HISTORY PHOTOS - MOHAMMAD ALI STANDS OVER AND TAUNTS KNOCKED DOWN OPPONENT! AMAZING RING FLOOR LEVEL SHOT! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/187059.html


STRANGE SNOWMOBILE JUMP FLIP - DRIVER ENDS UP SITTING BACKWARDS! - FUN ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/187060.html


STRANGE PRODUCTS - PERFECT PRESCRIPTION FOR COLLEGE HANGOVERS - A WHOLE NEW 'DOSAGE' OF BEER - COOL KOOZIES - BEER CAN WRAPS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/187061.html


STRANGE 1965 FERRARI STATION WAGON - HUGE REAR WINDOWS - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187058.html


JASON STRATHAM AT THE METAL DETECTOR - HES ARMED! - FUNNY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/187062.html


STRANGE INSTAGRAM PICTURES - WOULD YOU BELIEVE MADONNA SIPPING A MARTINI! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/187063.html


AMAZING PHOTO OF THE MILKY WAY AS SEEN FROM THE TOP OF MAUNA KEA, HAWAII - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/187065.html


POLICE "FITNESS" CREATES A DILEMMA FOR THIN YOUNG CRIMINAL - "SHOULD I RUN?" - OBESE COP NEED TO SLOW DOWN ON THE DONUTS! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/187066.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - BASEBALL - WORLD SERIES - ALL STAR GAME - PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100019_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

IDIOT TENNESSEE POLICE PULL OVER ELDERLY COUPLE BECAUSE THE MORONS THOUGHT A OHIO BUCKEYE DECAL WAS A MARIJUANA LEAF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/187055.html


Strange Irish Ghost Story! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/184871.html


Strange & Amusing Facts About Pubs in the UK - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/157113.html


More Strange Mysteries of Easter Island - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/149706.html


Strange Official Names Changes - The Brits Are Goofy! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/159368.html


Strange Fruit: The Olive! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/145612.html


==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - BASEBALL - WORLD SERIES - ALL STAR GAME - PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/116_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

GOLF - COURSES - TOURNEYS - PROFESSIONALS - http://www.strangeGolf.com/

YOUR FAVORITE ACTION GIF'S AND OPTICAL ILLUSIONS- http://www.strangeFunVideos.com/

LEISURE DESTINATIONS AND TRAVEL http://www.strangeVacations.com/

RACE CARS AND OTHER VEHICLES - DRAGSTER - BIKES http://www.strangeRacer.com/

BLONDE CELEBS AND ROCK STARS - Tanks http://www.strangeBlondes.com/

COLLEGE STUFF - DORMS - FRATS - BAR LIFE http://www.strangeCollege.com/


==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger


Do NOT Reply to this automated e-Letter: E-Mail replies to this message will not be seen.

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VOL 1191 - Feb 17, 2013 - Real Answers From Traffic School Exams

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

FEBRUARY FUN
Time For Some Strange Fun !


------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_3167.html
THE WORLDS STRANGEST HAIRCUT & HAIRDOOOOO'S!!!!!

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/news_3373.html
STRANGE BRIDGES AROUND THE WORLD

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/news_524.html
STRANGE OFFICE PRANKS - CUBE FUN - CUBE WARS - CUBE CRAZY

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_5556.html
STRANGE ANTI-THEFT - SECURITY LOCKS

http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/news_4946.html
STRANGE POLICE - HANDCUFFS - PAST & PRESENT

==================================

Strange "Drinking" Quotes:L

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may ca use pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Real Answers From Traffic School Exams

Clever Drivers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's traffic school. YIKES!

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.

Submitted by Lenny


==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

B-29 BOMBERS AT AIR FORCE BONEYARD - DAVIS-MONTHAN AFB - TUSCON, AZ - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/186856.html


FASHION FUN - KATY PERRY AND ANOTHER STAR IN SAME MINT GREEN DRESS - WHAT A DRAMATIC DIFFERENCE! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/187019.html


STRANGE BIRDLIKE AIRPLANE - 1913 IGNAZ "IGO" ETRICH OF BOHEMIA - FIRST ENCLOSED PASSENGER AIRLINE - 3 PASSENGERS - 1 PILOT! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187025.html


STRANGE CUSTOM 1967 MUSTANG CONVERTIBLES SPECIALLY DESIGNED FOR SONNY & CHER - HOT PINK FOR CHER - BANANA YELLOW FOR SONNY! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/187005.html


AFRICAN ANIMAL DANGERS - CRAZY LITTLE WART HOG ATTACKS LIONESS CONTINUALLY! - FUNNY ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187007.html


CLASSIC OLDE TOURIST DESTINATIONS - EMPRESS HOTEL - INNER HARBOR VICTORIA BRITISH COLUMBIA - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/187008.html


GREAT BOAT AND AUTO COMBO - 1959 CHEVY BIG FIN BOAT WITH 1959WHITE CHEVY3 DR PULLING IT - BEAUTIFUL PAIR - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/186927.html


FAMOUS LAST MEALS FOR MURDERS ON DEATH ROW - ENJOY! - CLAUDE JONES - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/187009.html


FAST FOOD FUN - McDELIVERY FROM MCDONALDS VIA McSCOOTERS - GRABS A BIG MAC ON THE FLY! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/187015.html


FINALLY - DRUM SET WITH JUSTIN BEIBERS FACE ON ALL 4 DRUMS - BEAT HIS FACE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187018.html


KIDS CARTOON FUN - NOTHING REALLY CHANGES - ANGRY BIRDS THEN AND NOW! DAFFY DUCK - WOODY WOODPECKER! HA! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/187020.html


COOL SPRING THAW PICTURE - IT'S RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/187021.html


SPRING FLOOD DANGERS - SMART FARMER BUILT TALL BERM SURROUNDING HIS HOUSE - FLOODING DANGERS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/187022.html


GREAT ESCORT FOR MILITARY SUBMARINE ON THE SURFACE COMING INTO PORT - DOLPHINS LEAD THE WAY! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/187023.html


NASTY STORAGE ROOM PRANK - WALL OF BOXES COMES ALIKE WHEN GIRL COMES IN TO PUT BOX ON TOP! - FUNNY ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/187024.html


GREAT ACTION GIF - KATE UPTON SPLASHES WATER ON BIKINI PREPARING FOR PHOTO SHOOT - HOT ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187016.html


WINTER SPORTS DANGERS - SNOW SKIER DOES BACK FLIP JUST AS AVALANCHE CHASES HIM DOWN THE MOUNTAIN - DANGEROUS ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/187017.html


STRANGE KATY PERRY AND MYLIE CYRUS KISS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/186943.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - B - FARM BUILDINGS - BARNS - SILOS - CHICKEN COOPS - STABLES

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100745_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Pig Facts and Trivia - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/178812.html


Why Teachers Drink.......... - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/178300.html


Which US Cities Have the Most Millionaires? - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/177961.html


What Makes Dry Ice So Strange? - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/177708.html


Sports - Does Stretching Really Prevent Injury? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/178455.html


Strange Animal Facts - Why Dogs Walk in Circles Before Lying Down - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/178710.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SF - B - FARM BUILDINGS - BARNS - SILOS - CHICKEN COOPS - STABLES

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/113_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

GOLF - COURSES - TOURNEYS - PROFESSIONALS - http://www.strangeGolf.com/

YOUR FAVORITE ACTION GIF'S AND OPTICAL ILLUSIONS- http://www.strangeFunVideos.com/

LEISURE DESTINATIONS AND TRAVEL http://www.strangeVacations.com/

RACE CARS AND OTHER VEHICLES - DRAGSTER - BIKES http://www.strangeRacer.com/

BLONDE CELEBS AND ROCK STARS - Tanks http://www.strangeBlondes.com/

COLLEGE STUFF - DORMS - FRATS - BAR LIFE http://www.strangeCollege.com/


==========================

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[b3ta] "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. Fucking Tories."

 

This Week:
* MIDDLETON - Royal doll revealed
* DR WHO - Missing episode madness
* BIG DATA PORN - pornstar breakdown

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're selling our souls
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | for Twitter RTs...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| together"

B3ta email 568 - 15 Feb 2013

Read this issue wearing a hat:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue568

Love us : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Leave us : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: BUY MIRACLE BERRIES
Sponsored link

Miracle berries are super fascinating - they
stop you tasting sour stuff - effectively
making sour fruit sweet. Lemons taste like
lemonade. Limes taste sensational. Why not throw
a 'taste tripping' party and see who can invent
the most interesting flavour? Less than £10 to
you, son.
http://www.miracleberry.co.uk

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Kate, Fairytales, Interracial Handshakes and Drawing

>> New Kate Middleton Doll <<
"Warning - contains fun bags," grunts Pig Face
Turnip. The Franklin Mint has excelled
itself here.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/New_Kate_Middleton_Doll

>> Fairytale Choose Your Own adventure game <<
"I made some very twee music for this game this
weekend," writes Extinct Jesus Dossier. "The
game is called 'The Riddle', and it's a simple
Choose Your Own Adventure type game made in 48
hours at this weekend's GameHackDays event.
Features some beautiful watercolour art, with
papercraft-ish 3D models." Charming stuff.
http://ollytumble.azurewebsites.net/main.html

>> How to shake a black guy's hand <<
"You've probably been there," opines
juliachildcia, incorrectly. Useful if you're
prone to trying a little too hard.
http://bit.ly/Z2bykz

>> How To Draw Really Good - Spiderman <<
"I've given up music and started doing drawing
tutorials," gasps our old pal, Superpowerless.
"Here's a tutorial on drawing Spiderman to a
professional and realistic standard with a 3D
effect." Amazing, in almost every sense of
the word.
http://bit.ly/XD9H2D

-------------------------------------------------

: AMAZON TAT
Stupid products, "amusing" reviews.

This week we're directing you to the Dean
Gaffney clock, as suggested by duvetdo.
Apparently, "the gift that will keep on giving
this Christmas. Every day the recipient will
wake to see Dean Gaffney's face and be reminded
of the preciousness of time."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B003BRMJD0/b3ta-21

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
The Naughty Step

Last week we asked for the last time you were
told off.
http://b3ta.com/questions/thenaughtystep/

* TRICKING MUM - "I was visiting my old mate Des
one Saturday afternoon when all hell broke loose
at a house diagonally opposite. Des said to come
and have a look at this, so over to the window I
went. A girl about ten burst around the back
corner of the house, going like a train, followed
a few moments later by a large woman in full
cry. But by the time the woman made it to the
front corner, the girl was back in through the
front door. That slammed shut behind her. The
woman got to the door and thumped on it. It was
locked. Shouting threats of slow death at 'You
kids', she returned to the back door, which
apparently was locked as well. Over the next
five minutes the shouts died away and she took
to prowling around the house muttering threats.
Ten minutes later she was sitting quietly on the
front door step. Des said that when she got too
much for her three children, they locked her out
of the house. 'She falls for it every time,' he
said." (Redemption)

* DAD IS TRICKY - "I very seldom meted out
corporal punishment to my kids. At least not
past the age of three or so - when they're having
a complete meltdown, a swat across the arse with
an open hand snaps them out of it. When my son
was in his early teens he had his first cell
phone. One day, when he was being particularly
obnoxious, I took it away and locked it up,
resulting in a tantrum which then got him
grounded besides. I then secretly began sending
SMS messages to it and calling it. He heard it
and got almost hysterical at the thought of all
the messages he was missing. I was firm, though,
and didn't give it back until the following day.
His rage at discovering who was calling him made
it even better." (Wanderer)

* GENIUS TEACHER - "So, as a teacher, giving
punishments is part and parcel of my daily
grind. I don't particularly enjoy telling-off as
a rule, but when it needs to be done, I do try
to find some way to add amusement value,
particularly when the crime deserves some
special attention. My favourite, and one of my
own devising, is the punishment for a naughty
boy who decided to draw a giant man-sausage on
his exercise book. He wasn't a bad lad, but
could step out of line rather far on occasion,
and so I couldn't let it slide. I kept him
behind at the end of the lesson, and his lecture
went as follows. 'This is an absolutely
pathetic diagram, one of the worst I have seen
you produce. (*pause for blank look). You are
going to finish it, at home, tonight. (Pause for
more confusion.) It is going to be correctly,
accurately labelled. No mistakes. No
mis-spellings. No crossings-out. This diagram is
going to be perfect. Do you understand? Now get
out of my classroom.' He leaves, rather puzzled,
and the next day, returns with a magnificently
labelled version. It is accurate, detailed, and
he has done more work on it than any other
homework that year so far. In front of him, I
tore it out of his book, placed it in an
envelope and put it in my desk drawer. 'Now,
the next time you muck around in my lesson, what
do you think I will bring to the meeting I have
with your Mum?... Clear?' This brought, in
fairly quick succession, 1) more puzzlement. 2)
a moment of brief panic, and 3) a polite nod and
a mumbled 'sir'. He was pretty well-behaved
after that..." (Serotonicity)

>> This Week - Boozes <<
Now is your chance to warn others of the dangers
of drinking to excess. On the other hand, what
hilarious japes did you get up to while
shitfaced?
http://b3ta.com/questions/utterlydrunk/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> We <3 Chris de Burgh <<
Chris de Burgh interview that reads like a
pitch for a new comedy character. A bit Little
Britain's Dennis Waterman with a good lump of
Alan Partridge. Apparently, Chris once did a
tour where his support act was a bloke from
Stars in Their Eyes doing a Chris impression.
"Supporting me tonight, myself..." Brilliant.
http://ind.pn/T4JMEQ

>> Close your HTML tags <<
Because if you don't you might create art,
lovely scrollable art.
http://bit.ly/WUzp6t

>> Every Private Eye cover since 1961 <<
Fascinating to stick in various celeb names and
see how they were covered by the leading
satirical magazine. Jimmy Savile makes one
appearance - in the 80s - with a joke about a
train. As we said, leading British satirists.
http://www.private-eye.co.uk/covers.php?showme=722

>> Doctor Who missing episode insanity <<
Doctor Who super fan goes to extreme lengths to
try to track down missing 1960s episode.
Extraordinary. Imagine if amateurs made this
kind of effort to pursue the financial
connections between Gov and big business?
http://bit.ly/VNMnj0

>> Your new wallpaper <<
McCarthy-era poster warning against
fraternising with artists. We now want to be
artists.
http://bit.ly/12AUMxz

>> Pop Will Eat Itself guy eBays memorabilia <<
PWEI band member Adam Mole auctions records and
tells enjoyable anecdotes in eBay description.
He's collecting to buy a nice caravan.
http://bit.ly/12IIfIv

>> Big Data porn analysis <<
"For the first time, a massive dataset of
10,000 porn stars has been extracted from the
world's largest database of adult films and
performers," writes Jon Millward. "I've spent
the last six months analyzing it to discover
the truth about what the average performer
looks like, what they do on film, and how their
role has evolved over the last forty years."
Fascinating stuff, although we'd like some data
on age of death / income.
http://bit.ly/Yh1Ppx

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like VHS videos but not abandoned in the street

>> Sinclair C5 infomercial <<
The gap between the lavish voiceover and the
crap visuals make all 6 mins of this C5
informercial a joy. Almost can't quite believe
this isn't a parody - the dialogue is all "look
at the safety features", whilst the C5 trundles
along past lorries etc. Brian Butterfield-esque.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5N937V8ZOw

>> Rapping for Jesus <<
Rapping for Jesus. Almost choking with laughter
here. NSFW due to N word. Sparked a big debate
on whether it's fake or not. Who cares? It's a
great gag.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kppx4bzfAaE

>> Paperman <<
Saw Wreck It Ralph recently. Basically a
71-minute-long advert for sweets and computer
games that cost us £25 to watch. However,
before Wreck-it Ralph played they showed a
short called Paperman - utterly charming and
miles better than the main feature.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTLySbGoMX0

>> Tea talent <<
How many cups of tea can you carry? 2? 3? Think
you're fly? You're shit. You're not this guy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScoqxZro9NU

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
400 years: The Game

Neat, experimental game mechanic. Pressing
space makes time go quickly allowing trees to
grow or water to freeze so you can navigate the
landscape.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/scriptwelder/400-years

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Stop Motion Challenge

Last week we wanted you to celebrate beards

Your favourites included:

* MORPH - in which Tony Hart's plasticine
hero gets his goatse on, to devastating
effect (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10923522

* REVERSE: sinister, strangely hypnotic
hand manipulation from the suitably
named (mutated monty)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10924234

* TARDIS: all of the Doctors, all of the
time (Captain Howdy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10923712

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/stop-motion/

>> New challenge: Pandas <<
Pandas: they're too busy eating bamboo to
get busy getting busy. As a result,
there's not many of them left. On the
plus side, they're the single-word
subject of this week's image challenge.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/pandas/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* VISUAL EGG-TIMER - "Thanks for mentioning the
roast beast calculator last week," writes
Goddam. This time I've done an egg timer that
shows you what's happening inside your egg."
Surprisingly useful.
http://justboil.it/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

We'd really like to see evil money making
schemes, so we can sack off the next five
years. Your starters for ten:

* DOWNLOADR - Use Amazon API to produce huge
website full of books/films. Add the word
"torrent". Cover in "download now" banner ads.
Profit.

* DRUGR - a legal drugs site that doesn't send
any product. Like you're going to go to the
police complaining that your herbal Es didn't
turn up.

* WASHCASHR - a middleman site that makes
payments from your bank to services that you
don't want to turn up in your records. Payments
listed as "Online Indie Records LTD" rather
than "camgirls ltc" etc.

This time next year Rodney...

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Marriage: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Divorce: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by
@Peepholecircus, Mildred, @Craigix,
@bobandroberta, MuffGuff, @erocdrahs
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Top tip via Me, I'm not...

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP #1:
Make YouTube videos more fun. Switch on the
automatic captioning which bears no resemblance
to anything anyone is saying.

TOP TIP #TWO (RHYMES WITH POO):
thecrapgatsby writes, "Hello lovely b3ta
people, I have had a top tip moment of
lucidity. Do you often use bay leaves in soups
or stews and then can never find them again?
Simply sellotape the leaf to a GPS tracking
device before adding it, then when dinner's
ready, check your mobile and retrieve the
ingredient with ease."

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VOL 1190 - Feb 13, 2013 - How Many College Students Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb in the South?

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

FEBRUARY FUN
Time For Some Strange Fun !


------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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Strange Quotes: Famous Curses!

May your every wish be granted. - Ancient Chinese Curse

May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket. - Arab Curse

May those that love us, love us;
and to those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts;
and if He doesn't turn their hearts,
may He turn their ankles
so we'll know them by their limping.
- - - Old Irish Toast

May you wander over the face of the earth forever, never sleep twice in the same bed, never drink water twice from the same well, and never cross the same river twice in a year. - Traditional Gypsy Curse

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - How Many College Students Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb in the South?

How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb in the South?

At Vanderbilt it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any ivy leaguer.

At Georgia it takes three. One to change the bulb, and two to phone a friend at Georgia Tech and get instructions.

At Florida it takes four. One to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get high off the old one.

At Alabama it takes five. One to change it, two to talk about how Bear would have done it, and two to throw the old bulb at Auburn students.

At Ole Miss it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU it takes seven. And each one gets credit for four semester hours for it.

At Kentucky it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season.

At Tennessee it takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how Phillip Fulmer is too stupid to do it.

At Mississippi State it takes fifteen. One to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to shout, "GO TO HELL OLE MISS, GO TO HELL!!!"

At Auburn it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Bama, and 50 who realize it's all a lie.

At South Carolina it takes 80,000. One to screw it in, and 79,999 to discuss how this will finally be the year they have a good football team.

At Arkansas it takes none. There is no electricity in Arkansas.


==================================

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==================================

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