Vol 838 - Sept. 30, 2009 - If Men Ruled the World - Top 26 List

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes: When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - If Men Ruled the World - Top 26 List

IF MEN RULED THE WORLD: TOP 26 LIST

1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

12. Garbage would take itself out.

13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

19. "COPS" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

20. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like whiskey and beer.

22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).

23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.

24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.

25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered toilet seats.

26. 2006 Cloning Act:"Only Jessica Alba may be cloned."

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE HUGE MOTORCYCLE! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/155306.html

MOMMA HIPPO AND BABY HIPPO UNDER WATER! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/155445.html

GREAT AMERICAN CARS FROM THE 50'S & 60'S - 1963 STUDEBAKER AVANTI - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/155705.html

RALEIGH HOOK & LADDER FIRE TRUCK FLIPS - FRONT FLIPPED UPSIDE DOWN - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/155347.html

STRANGE OLDE GAS STATIONS - 1950'S & 60'S - COLOR - ROUTE 66 - ARIZONA - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154725.html

STRANGE AFRICAN ZEBRA'S - STRANGE ILLUSION - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/154830.html

STRANGE FARM FIELD COW - MAZE STOMACH - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/155820.html

TRIPLE HULLED STEALTH USS INDEPENDENCE - LCS-2 - - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/155868.html

STRANGE BRIDGES FROM AROUND THE WORLD - HERE IT COMES FLOATING DOWN THE RIVER! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/155296.html

NEW RUSSIAN SUPER TANK - T-80???? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/155876.html

DANGEROUS TRAIN WRECKS - FIRES & DESTRUCTION - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/155884.html

STRANGE SUNKEN TANK - UNDERWATER! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/155889.html

STRANGE HOTELICOPTER! - SLEEP - RIDE - ARRIVE REFRESHED! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/155890.html

STRANGE UPSIDE DOWN KIDS - COOL ROLLER COASTER RIDE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/155891.html

MOUNTAIN BIKER WITH A REAL PROBLEM - FRONT WHEEL COLLAPSES! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/155892.html

THE HOT WOMEN OF ARCHERY! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/155877.html

CNN EXPERTS AGREE ON BIN LADEN - MORE TV STRANGENESS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/155879.html

AWESOME STORMS, SHIPS, WAVES & LIGHTHOUSES! - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/155886.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - PUZZLES - STRANGE ITEMS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/100302_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Radio Contest Winners in Australia - What Was Your Most Embarrassing Moment? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/155874.html

Strange Quotes: When Insults Had Class - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/155875.html

NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED - GOVERNMENTIUM - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/155882.html

Strange Mondegreens - Mangled Song Lyrics - #2 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/155887.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SS - FOOTBALL - NFL - COLLEGE - STAR PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100020_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

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HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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Vol 837 - Sept. 27, 2009 - StrangeTools Explained

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats." Howard Aiken

"Life is moderately good play with a badly written third act." Truman Capote

"He who stops being better stops being good." Oliver Cromwell

"Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone." Rodney Dangerfield

"Crime is the soul of lust. What would pleasure be if it were not accompanied by crime? It is not the object of debauchery that excites us, rather the idea of evil." Marquis de Sade

"Good management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them." Paul Hawken

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Tools Explained

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer now days is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive boat parts not far from the object we are trying to "adjust". Available in a variety of sizes, which is typically chosen based on the amount of time you have already wasted attempting to "solve a problem". Available with a head made of steel, plastic, brass or hard rubber. As a side note, only the steel head has a practical use, no logical use for the other materials has ever been discovered. Some models equipped with the fly away head option. AKA "Ford Wrench", "BFH", "Wound Inflicting Hammer"

RAZOR KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing boat covers and bimini tops.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Used for spinning steel pop rivets in their hole until you die of old age. Some larger models are capable of turning the users wrist in amazing directions never before imagined just as the bit starts to break through the material you're drilling.

SLIP JOINTED PLIERS: Primarily used to round the heads off of bolts. The joint slips and only grips items slightly larger then what you were originally trying to grip. Most have an area to cut wire at the base of the jaws. The "cutter" is good for squishing and mutilating wire where you would have liked to cut it.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the garage, splattering it on the Bud Girls poster above the bench grinder.

BENCH GRINDER: This devise is equipped with a wire wheel on one end and a grinding wheel on the other end. The wire wheel is used to clean debris off of old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned calluses in about the time it takes to say "DragBoat". The grinding wheel is used primarily for starting small surprise fires at you feet. Also has the ability to transport the object your working on great distances.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering the boat trailer back to the ground after you've installed those new low profile tires, trapping the jack handle firmly under the chrome fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a trailer upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: a tool used for removing Douglas Fir wood splinters from your hand.

PHONE: Tool for calling your boating partner to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. Also useful for canceling dinner reservations you and the wife had and ordering pizza delivery when the "three hour job" you started in the morning has now moved into the evening hours.

GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for scraping dog doo off your shoes.

E-Z OUT BOLT & STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in broken bolts or studs and is ten times harder then any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument used for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.

TWO TON OVERHEAD HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground cables, fuel lines and electrical connectors you may have forgotten to disconnect.

½" X 16" SCREWDRIVER: A larger motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined flat tip on the end without the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a boat battery to your pants and to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE GRIPS: Used to round off the heads of bolts. If nothing else is available, they can be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

RATCHET: Bolt removal tool typically equipped with a breakaway pop-top. This tool can also double as a hammer. Used with sockets that automatically fall off when you get near the bolt you want to remove. Sockets typically fall off and run and hide like critters. Changing directions requires a deft touch and a smart rap on a hard surface, and it might hold…and it might not…..not for the high blood pressure types.

TIN SNIPS: From the same family as the hacksaw. Comes in right and left handers, but neither will go where you want it without religious training. Perfect for ruining light- weight steel, copper, aluminum, brass, etc.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanics own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin, which is otherwise not found under engine hatches at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that the 105-mm Howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark then light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of containers and splash the contents onto your shirt. Doubles as a center punch, can also be used as the name implies, to round out Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes the energy produced by a power plant 100 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty trailer bolts last tightened 10 years ago by someone in Missouri, and rounds them off.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

THE MIGHTY B-52 BOMBER - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/155542.html

STRANGE OLDE EXERCISE EQUIPMENT - REAR & WAIST - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/155672.html

STRANGE OLDE CONCEPT CARS - 1951 STUDEBAKER CHAMPION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/155469.html

STRANGE RAILROAD TRAINS - LOCOMOTIVE IN MUSEUM - ONE OF THE FIRST - NORTH STAR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/154280.html

CHARLES LINDBERG - LUCKY LINDY - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154969.html

STRANGE OLDE GAS STATIONS - 1950'S & 60'S - COLOR - OLD RURAL STATION - ONE GLASS HAND CRANK PUMP - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154716.html

STRANGE FARM FIELDS & CROPS - TIERED RICE FIELDS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/155151.html

STRANGE FARM FIELDS & CROPS - AERIAL VIEWS - THE EDGE OF GOOD LAND - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/155166.html

STRANGE ORANGE EYED FALCON ON A TEATHER - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/155614.html

STRANGE 'WOODEN' CLOCK - ALL PARTS MADE FROM WOOD! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/155751.html

4 STRANGE RUSSIAN MILITARY HELICOPTERS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/155799.html

STRANGE OLDE EXERCISE EQUIPMENT - WAIST & BACK - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/155670.html

BEAUTIFUL PHOTOS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/155813.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN LUXURY SPORTS CAR - 2009 MURAT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/155816.html

CANADIAN MILITARY HELICOPTER LANDS ON HUGE ROCK! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/155795.html

STRANGE CREATIVE HAY BALES - JOHN DEERE TRACTOR! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/155823.html

STRANGE DOG AND CHICKEN LOVER - EVERYBODY'S SMILING! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/155824.html

STRANGE BEAR CLIMBING TREE TO GET TO CRANE NEST! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/155825.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SZ - CROCODILES & ALLIGATORS !

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/101079_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

You Might be From Colorado if... - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/155540.html

Word Games - English is Hard - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/22044.html

How Moral Are You? Personality Test - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/24433.html

Clever Quiz - Say It Loud - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/24604.html

Are You Mensa Material? - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/23531.html

Comments Made in 1957 - Amazing! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/22953.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SZ - CROCODILES & ALLIGATORS !

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/125_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd."

 

This Week:
* CYRIAK - on Alan Titchmarsh
* TOP TIP - Does semen show under UV light?
* NEW SECTION - "Shit internet Dragons' Den"

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"

B3ta email 397 - 25 Sept 2009

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue397/

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Cigarettes are bad, mmmkay?

"Hard hitting new campaign filmed by renowned
directors Rankin and Chris for NHS Birmingham
East and North."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56L6pdeRpq0

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Lots of stuff, too much even

>> Peace Day dove <<
"I recently attended Peace Day celebrations in
Kabul, Afghanistan," explains Miss R U Owen.
"There was lots of family-friendly fun and
flag-waving. Unfortunately at the big climax -
the launch of the peace doves - the excitement
proved too much for one of the little birdies
and it popped its clogs," providing a
more apt metaphor than intended.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nrnlm0DG9hM


>> B3ta interviews Cyanide & Happiness <<
Ginger Fuhrer Rob and the b3tard posse tracked
down and interviewed Dave McElfatrick of hit
web comic Cyanide & Happiness. Check out the
ungodly results here:
http://www.b3ta.com/interview/cyanideandhappiness/

>> Poo in your pants <<
"Mutated Monty is the fun version of Chris
Cunningham, isn't he?" suggests Monkeon. And
indeed he is. Here's his latest effort,
starring Alan Titchmarsh.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/poo_pants:2

>> Framerater - IMDb Top 250 tracker <<
Sheer brilliance from PointlessCamel - Sign up
and tick off any films that you've seen from
IMDb's Top 250. It'll rate and recommend the
rest for you, settling your question of what to
watch this evening for the next five years.
http://www.framerater.co.uk/

>> Rathergood VS nuts <<
"Hi mate in case it's in time for your
newslettery consideration," writes Joel, "I've
just whacked up a new thing - an educational
funk number about how things you think are nuts
are actually not nuts."
http://www.rathergood.com/nuts

>> Make Hypocrisy History <<
"Charities are shit and waste your money,"
opines Tavi. "So why not give it to me - and
I'll waste it. What do you care?"
http://makehypocrisyhistory.org/

-------------------------------------------------

: SHIT INTERNET DRAGONS' DEN
Red-hot new feature that will make us rich

>> Pre-soiled underwear <<
Yeah yeah, we're aware it's big in Japan but
flipping heck. These guys "makes pre-stained
clothing that free people from the
embarrassment of having soiled clothing by
selling clothes that come already soiled".
Mostly pre-skidmarked pants.
http://easytigercorp.co.uk/

Do you have a crappy-sounding idea to make
millions from the internet? Please send it in
so we can simultaneously mock you and yet feed
you the oxygen of publicity. For we are
dragons, guarding our clicky gold.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Childish Things

Last week we asked for the most childish thing
you've done as adult. As always you didn't
disappoint us and filled the interweb with
tales of bottoms, poo and a brown dressing gown:
http://b3ta.com/questions/childishthings/

* PARP - "The Mrs and I were having some sexy-time
in the bath together. She was on top and we were
kissing when I gleefully let out a massive fart
that bubbled up... but it didn't break the surface
straight away. It rolled up her belly, tickling
all the way between her boobs and broke the
surface right under her chin. Best. Fart. Ever.
But bathtime was over..." (TheFinch)

* POOP - "At the age of 25 I took the conscious
decision to poop my pants. Not immediately upon
my 25th birthday, that would be wrong. I just
happened to be 25. I had needed the toilet for
about an hour but was stuck on the window sill
with my fingers trapped in a sash window, the
result of a failed break-in to my house after
forgetting my keys. My cries for help went
unheeded and I shat myself." (nightbuffalo)

* WARP - "Walking up to automatic doors and
waving my hand in front of me Jedi-like just
before they open never fails to amuse. Myself,
mostly." (Davros' Granddad)

>> This Week's Question <<
Tales of the IT helpdesk. Try turning it off
and on again, and, if that doesn't work, tell
us all about it here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/helpdesk/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> The 'Special' Last Supper <<
Here's a lovely recreation of Leonardo Da
Vinci's Last Supper but the apostles and Jesus
have Down's Syndrome. Is it a piss-take or a
serious point - who cares? Well worth your
prurient clicking.
http://www.jamesmaybe.com/blog/2009/09/one-chromosome-too-many/

>> Schizophrenia comic <<
Insightful and sensitive comic strip explaining
what it's like to be mental. Good read.
http://tallguywrites.livejournal.com/133179.html

>> HTML tags ABC <<
One sentence, contained within every single
HTML tag in alphabetical order A-Z. View Source
for details.
http://evan-roth.com/all-tags.html

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Little tigers

Apparently the result of a 30-year selective
breeding programme, check out these amazing
cats with the markings of tigers. Perhaps it
would have been simpler to selectively breed
tigers to become tiny like cats. Somebody try
this please. Also, we would like some
mini-dolphins to frolic in our goldfish bowl.
http://www.toygers.org/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Now sponsored by RealPlayer

>> Carl Sagan & Stephen Hawking sing! <<
Arguably the best-ever use of Autotune, a
delightful song about the wonders of universe.
Hooray!
http://snurl.com/geekylove

>> Baby dancing to Beyonce <<
Very much doing the rounds at the moment.
Content as title. Perhaps the best thing ever.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Baby_dancing_to_Beyonce

>> School children Changes <<
The little kids of Lewes New School tackle
David Bowie's early-70s hit. Brilliant stuff -
very cute! Also not shit, which is a definite
plus.
http://bit.ly/1HQVFj

>> Advanced DOS strategies <<
Friendly 1980s couple explain how to harness
the power of your brand new Disk Operating
System. Oh for those good old days - were we
really so easy to please?
http://snurl.com/dosisace

>> Wrong hole <<
Singy song and swish video about a common
mishap during doggy-style sex. Pretty definite
that this is NSFW.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Wrong_hole

>> Txt Island <<
Clever, short animation made using only letters
and numbers on a pegboard.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Txt_Island

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE

Results from the Inappropriate Product
Placement Challenge

After it was ruled that commercial channels
in the UK could use product placement, we
wanted examples of just how bad this could
get. Your favourites included:

* WHAT'S IN THE EGG, DERREN? - Britain's
favourite mentalist predicts something far
harder than the lottery (enceladus)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9700686

* SPECSAVERS, TATOOTINE - there was no Jedi
mind trick after all (mediocre)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9697777

* IN SPACE, NO-ONE CAN HEAR YOU CREME - the
real reason John Hurt couldn't eat his
dinner (DaveBr)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9698361

All these images, and the highest as
voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/productplacement/

>> New challenge: Modernise the Bible <<

The Bible is out of touch with today's youth.
Bring it up to date so we can answer moral
dilemmas such as "Is it OK to murder someone
in a video game?" and "Would you steal a movie?"
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/modernbible/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* THE DANGERS OF DOING B3TA PROJECTS -
"Remember me?", writes [name removed], "You
featured my "Masturbation database" back in the
day (issue 98). Thanks for that but you used my
full name and now if you Google me one of the
top searches is '[name removed] loves wanking'
Very funny, I agree but I've just graduated uni
and am applying to jobs and am a little worried
about potential employers seeing. I know you
probably don't edit previous newsletters but
would you make an exception? Pretty please!"
Hehe, we've changed the name but we have to
share this with our readers as it's too funny.

* B3TA EXPURGATED EDITION - "Just read last
week's newsletter in China while travelling for
work. You'll be proud to know only one link
worked, the rest were banned by their internet
filters.

* MORE HIDDEN SWEARS - Olembe writes, "Geekier
Mac version! If you're running Linux on your
computer, or if you have a Mac, you'll have a
single big file on there somewhere called
'words', which has a whole dictionary in it,
one word per line. And you'll be able to search
this file in an instant with the 'grep'
command. On a Mac, open the Terminal app (which
lives in the Applications>Utilities folder) and
type these magic words:

grep --color=auto cunt /usr/share/dict/words

"The result? 'plaCUNTitis' and 'plaCUNToma' -
two medical conditions you probably don't want.
Of course, you can replace the swear word for
any other when you've had enough of the cunty
lols"

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* CAN YOU KILL SOMEONE WITH 2P - when we
travelled up the Eiffel Tower as a child our
dad claimed that we shouldn't drop any coins as
it would kill anyone in its path. Can someone
test this?

* LADIES USE IMMAC AND MEN USE RAZORS - why not
try immacing your beard? Go on. BTW: Wikipeda
tells us that this product is now called Veet.
Wonder if they had branding problems with
people confusing Immac with iMac?

* FILTER AND DRINK YOUR OWN WEE - would a piss
filled Brita Filter do the trick?

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel
with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by The
Resident Loon, optocouic, Gia Milinovich,
@danoliver, aMac, Mr Yellow, mozza, Mrs.Sp@m,
matthew coy, the_log_knows and @Ants124.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via amck.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Banknote fun

Step One: Using your preferred method, collect
some human spunk.

Step Two: Using a small paint-brush, write the
message of your choice, or a simple design on a
banknote.

Step Three: After waiting for the 'invisible
ink' to dry, put the note back into
circulation.

Step Four: Some poor bugger presents the note
somewhere where a UV light is used and the
message is revealed.

This method could also be used by the more
mischievous of you to adorn your friends'
clothes before heading for a nightclub that
uses UV light.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/post521263

BTW: If someone wants to test that spunk glows
under UV then please be our guest.

-------------------------------------------------

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk
into a pub. We didn't invite the Welshman
because he's a cunt. (viperuk)
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 836 - Sept. 23, 2009 - Some Strange British Signs

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Things to Ponder:

What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?

What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do witches run spell checkers?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Some Strange British Signs

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE CHEERLEADERS OF THE NFL! - DALLAS COWBOYS - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/155758.html

STRANGE MOTORCYCLE WHEELIE - WRONG - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/155304.html

HIPPO MOUTH WIDE OPEN - STRANGE TEETH! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/155444.html

STRANGE SOCCER PICTURES - TAUNTING THE REFEREE - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/155679.html

STRANGE SOCCER PICTURES - STRANGE RAINBOW OVER STADIUM - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/155683.html

GREAT AMERICAN CARS FROM THE 50'S & 60'S - 1963 FORD GALAXIE 500 XL FASTBACK - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/155699.html

STRANGE AIRPLANE RACE - MILITARY JET VS.TINY EXPERIMENTAL! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/155800.html

CHANCE VOUGHT V-173 /3XF5U 'FLYING FLAPJACK' - 1 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/154208.html

STRANGE HUMAN TOWERS! PYRAMID - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/154416.html

STRANGE OLDE CUSTOM CARS - STRANGE V-12 - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/154962.html

STRANGE FARM FIELDS & CROPS - AERIAL VIEWS - MULTI TIERS - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/155162.html

THE 3 STOOGES - COLLEGE FOOTBALL STARS - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/155218.html

DANGEROUS TORNADO NEAR MILITARY AIRCRAFT - AIRBASE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/155814.html

STRANGE LITTLE CRANE - ON A SMART CAR!!!! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/155815.html

STRANGE DOUBLE TOE BALANCING ACT - AMAZING GYMNISTS - 3 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/155817.html

STRANGE FARM FIELD COW - MAZE STOMACH - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/155820.html

STRANGE BRIDGES FROM AROUND THE WORLD - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/155290.html

STRANGE LEGO TRUCKS - WRECKER - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/155746.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - WATER SPORTS - SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING - DIVING - SURFING - KAYAK

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100661_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Laws of Air Force Aviation - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/155541.html

Real Emergency Room & Doctor Stories - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/23266.html

Top 23 Engineering Terms & What They REALLY Mean - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/23543.html

Official Celebrity Bra Size List - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/109887.html

Strange Stuff Found in Taxi Cabs - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/109880.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - WATER SPORTS - SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING - DIVING - SURFING - KAYAK

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/109_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 835 - Sept. 20, 2009 - Strange Places We'd Like to See

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound." - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." - Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby." - Anonymous Manufacturer

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time." - Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails." - AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there." - Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." - Bill Peterson, football coach

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Places We'd Like to See

Shapeless, Mass.

Oola, La

Goodness, Me

Income, Tex.

Deathly, Ill.

Hittor, Miss.

Praise, Ala.

Coco, Colo.

Proan, Conn.

Farmerina, Del.

Inert, Mass.

Hezmakinizetime, Pa.

Ca,Ca

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE ANIMALS & FARM CRITTERS - MOUNTAIN GOAT - DANGEROUS TRAIL! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/154107.html

STRANGE WEATHER - STORMS & LIGHTNING! GRAND CANYON GREEN CLOUD - SUNSET - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153884.html

LAKE EXPRESS - HIGH SPEED AUTO/PASSENGER FERRY LAKE MICHIGAN - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154567.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - ARE ALL LINES PARALLEL? - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/154705.html

STRANGE OLDE CUSTOM CARS - 1957 BUICK LASABRE CONCEPT CAR - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154958.html

STRANGE CELEBRITY TRAMP STAMPS AND TATTOOS! - JULIA ROBERTS - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/155560.html

STRANGE GUNS AND WEAPONS - SNUB NOSE - SHOT GUN SHELLS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/155483.html

1932 RUSSIAN ZIS-101 - FIRST LIMO COPIED FROM 1932 BUICK 90L - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/155574.html

STRANGE ANIMAL PROBLEMS - MOMMA BOBCAT ON WATCH FOR CUBS IN HOLLOWED OUT TREE - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/154849.html

STRANGE BUDDHA SHAPED PEARS! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/155575.html

STRANGE BRIDGES FROM AROUND THE WORLD -COMING DOWN! - EXPLOSIONS! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/155294.html

STRANGE ELABORATE WROUGHT IRON VOLKSWAGEN SEDAN & TOUR BUS - FRONT QUARTER - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/155597.html

THE TROOPS IN ACTION - FIGHTING - TRAINING - GOOFING AROUND! LIFE SIZE TOY SOLDIER - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/155629.html

STRANGE BUZZARD FACE - CLOSE UP! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/155613.html

STRANGE TWO SIDE BY SIDE WHEEL MOTORCYCLE - 3 - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/155301.html

STAR WARS CAST WITHOUT COSTUMES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/155544.html

STRANGE HOUSES AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS AROUND THE WORLD - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/155658.html

SHAWNE MERRIMAN WHO CHOKED TILA TEQUILA - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/155730.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - BRIDGES - BUILDINGS - GAS STATIONS - JUNK YARDS - DEALERSHIPS - PARKING LOTS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100726_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Just How Old IS Grandpa? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/155548.html

You Might be From Las Vegas if… - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/155537.html

You Know You're From Canada When... - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/155539.html

Top 25 Strangest Deaths - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/115623.html

Strange Star "Stage" Names and Their REAL Names - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/115626.html

Strange Famous Mothers - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/116252.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - BRIDGES - BUILDINGS - GAS STATIONS - JUNK YARDS - DEALERSHIPS - PARKING LOTS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/124_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Why is there a man in the bottom corner of my TV playing charades?"

 

This Week:
* VID - Man vs GPS
* DATING - What not to say online
* WET OWLS - Well, just one

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're drinking the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| Koolaid... together"

B3ta electro-telegraph 396 - 18 Sept 2009

Read this issue in a slightly different font:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue396/

Pete: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Katie: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
other than wanking in public toilets

>> GPS Problems <<
Sheep manfully struggles on through the
vicissitudes of modern gadgetry. His snazzy
mobile phone is giving him gyp.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/GPS

>> Then and Now - photos of my town <<
"Here are some 'rephotographs' of Lodz, Poland
I've taken recently," beams disconnected. "Just
roll your mouse over the old pictures (taken
between 1850-1970 not by me) to see the current
state." Fascinating stuff.
http://refotografie.blogspot.com/

>> Boogie maths <<
Public-spirited Cyriak has made what he
describes as "an educational cartoon for kids
which explains mathematics through the medium
of dance." Don't try this at home.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/boogie_maths

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Helicopter Parents

Last week we asked for your stories of
helicopter parenting. There's some insanely
cosseted kiddies in this lot, starting with a
jaw-dropping tale from Monkey the Chicken whose
twist you really won't see coming:
http://b3ta.com/questions/helicopterparents/

* PARENTING AUCTION - "Induction day at my
son's primary school. Parents listen to the
class teacher explain a few things about what
they will be doing, sign certain forms, learn
what we need to send them to school with etc
etc. The whole meeting is going well until the
teacher asks "Any other questions?" caused a
bidding war: Mum1, "What do we do about
medicine?", Mum2 "Yes my girl has to take 5
different vitamins a day and will only take
them from me." Mum3: "What if they injure
themselves?", but is cut off by Mum1: "My son
can only eat if you sing to him." Mum2: "Mine
is allergic to milk or anything that looks like
it." Then, Mum4: "Ah I didn't like to mention
it here but I have to cut my son's dinner up
for him and he still breastfeeds so I will need
to arrange to come in twice a day." ... ... Me:
"Jesus Christ" Turns out that the breastfeeding
had to stop when the kid started biting. She
still goes to school at set intervals each day
to cut up his dinner and to bottlefeed him with
breastmilk though. He's 8 in October." (mon
bison)

* KAMLESH, SUPERSTUD - "In the Student Union
talking the usual utter girl-related shit. I'm
explaining how its possible for a girl to have
an inny and an outy nipple, one of each, and
that the girl I copped off with the previous
night was sporting this weird chestacular
manifestation. One of my housemates, Kamlesh,
pipes up: "Bollocks! No woman's got an inny and
an outy! I'm a fucking superstud and I know
that's not fucking possible!" We gazed at him.
It was a drink-stopping moment. Time almost
stood still. Kamlesh was about eight stone,
built like a stringy streak of piss, and had
the worst mullet and prebubescent 'tash
combination you'd ever see in your life. He
looked like an emaciated Asian hillbilly.
"You're a superstud?" asked one of my other
housemates incredulously. "Yeah!" said Kamlesh.
And then he did it. Then it came. The line. The
sweet line. And Kamlesh's university life would
never be the same again. It was like throwing
raw meat to a pack of rabid lions. "I am a
fuckin' superstud... my mum says so!!!"
(SpankyHanky)

* POTTER MOUTH -"So, I was in town, shopping.
This being Cambridge, there were a fair number
of delightful little Ruperts and Tarquins
fopping about elegantly with their doting
middle-class parents yapping at their heels. I
happened to be following a Mother and her
rather bored looking son. The mother was going
through a long list of the things they had to
do that day, ".. and we've got to get you some
new school shoes, and then you need some new
pens, and then we're going to tea at...". She
also seemed to be doing the
'lick-a-tissue-and-thrust-it-in-the-face
-of-your-offspring' thing. In the midst of this
whirlwind of fussiness, the little trooper of a
kid turns to her, raises his hand to her face
resignedly, and sighs, "Expelliarmus, Mummy."
Solid gold." (Serotonicity)

>> This Week's Question <<
What's the most childish thing you've done as
an adult? As if writing a weekly newsletter
full of poo and wee jokes qualifies us to ask:
http://b3ta.com/questions/childishthings/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Internet dating: what to say <<
Fascinating look into what does and doesn't get
a good response from folk you're trying to chat
up on t'internet. Although netspeak is the
sperm of the devil, people like 'lol' and
'haha'. 'Hehe' is less popular.
"Scientifically, this is because it's a little
evil sounding."
http://snurl.com/datefunlols

>> H from Steps, dead <<
First Jacko and now this! Why are the good
always taken from us so young?
http://www.unionversity.com/?p=560

>> Freaky face-mashing app <<
Extraordinary misuse of humankind's ingenuity -
upload a pic and this site will create a
fully-animated version of your face. Then you
can muck about with funny moustachios.
http://labs.mppark.jp/hige/

>> How many people are in space? <<
If you've ever been kept awake by that
question, then this site will lull you back to
a soothing, restful sleep.
http://www.howmanypeopleareinspacerightnow.com/

>> Add Kanye to your site <<
At your command, professional silly-arse K.
West can make an appearance on a website of
your choosing. Click this quick before the
meme's completely flogged to death!
http://kanyelicio.us/http://b3ta.com/

>> Awesome Music-Sequencer! <<
Online DIY musical composer thing that
resembles a Tenorion. Even the vestigial
fingers of newsletter troll Dave were able to
produce a listenable result with pleasingly
little effort.
http://www.inudge.net/index.en.html

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Wet Owl

Poor, woebegone Mr Wol had to be fished out of a
swimming pool. Look at his sad little face!
http://snurl.com/wetandflappy

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
It'll never catch on you know

>> Farmyard noises boy <<
Uncannily accurate animal impressions from an
enigmatic youngster. He's undeniably got talent,
of a sort.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1uQo7qpRNw

>> Birds on wire music <<
Here's a charming conceit; Chap stumbles on a
picture of birds perched on electrical wires,
makes a little tune using the location of their
bodies as notes.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Birds_on_Wire

>> 80s dating videos <<
Brace yourself, ladies. Here's a veritable
smorgasbord of pleasingly vintage lonely
hearts. Some absolute gems here. Can it be that
this is real?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dating_videos_from_the_80s

>> The Christian gene <<
Gay scientists have worked night and day to
isolate the gene that causes people to be born
Christian. Thank goodness - it's not a
lifestyle choice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCzbNkyXO50

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Oh please stop it before we kill ourselves

* WAYNE KOFF - "I decided to look on the IAVI
website to see if I could find Wayne Koff
mentioned. Lo and behold, there's a photo of
him. I think his image lives up to his name
admirably!" (tim.conway)
http://www.iavi.org/about-IAVI/smt/Pages/executive-team.aspx

* WHAT DO YOU CALL A PAEDOPHILE WITH A LISP?
"Amusing name for a company! Especially an
advertising company!" (mysticegg)
http://www.pheedo.com/

* FUNNY GUARDIAN CORNER - "Ads targeted to
in-page keywords are always fun - especially
when a new Fritzl appears and the article about
a father raping his child for 30 years shows
an ad of a child holding a sign saying 'I love
my daddy' ...It is for the NSPCC though. So
THAT'S OKAY, okay?" (mattcoxonline)
http://files.myopera.com/coxy/files/guardian-fritzl2-ad.jpg

* HITLER CAKES - in what can only be the answer
to the conundrum 'what do you call a Jewish
baker', Corington has spotted some Adolf Buns
in Hornsey.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/86199328@N00/3924216098/

-------------------------------------------------

: HIDDEN SWEARS

Last week we asked you to find words like
sCUNThorpe, wrisTWATch and cuCUMber.

You replied with, bruSHITE, anTIThesis,
wHOEver, lamPOOn, reBUTTal, extraVAGance,
leaFAGe, mANUScript, enCLITic, retoMINGEnt,
unMUFFle, cuTWATer, insPISSate, unreheARSEd,
and of course Hilary sWANK.

Thanks to thereishopeforus, flatfrog and
bigshape. You bunch of mANUScripts.

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE

Results from the Video Game Celebrities
Challenge

Last week we wanted you to put
celebrities at the centre of video games

Your favourites included:

* HUGH - House doctor makes unexpected
appearance as Half-Life hero (Redbull_(UK))
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9686679

* JORDAN - pneumatically spectacular "star"
features in doomed shoot-em-up sex romp
(drbroon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9688122

* RICK - unfortunate Def Leppard drummer cashes
in on Rock Band craze with unique edition (The
Hedgehog From Hell)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9686241

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/productplacement/

>> New: Inappropriate TV Product Placement <<
It was announced this week that product
placement will be allowed on commercial
television in the UK. What product would you
put on what programme to get massive LOLs?
Challenge suggested by The Twisted Omentum.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/productplacement/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* KEITH FLOYD OBIT - your Ginger Fuhrer did the
titles on the recent C4 doco and then half
convinced himself that he personally killed
Keith via the shock of some slightly piss-takey
gfx. Still, it's a fantastic show if you ignore
Rob's bits:
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/keith-meets-keith/4od

* CYRIAK IN THE DAILY MAIL - last week Cyriak
made a video debunking Derren Brown's lottery
trickery, we missed linking to it as we thought
all the fuss had died down by last Friday. But
no, it rumbles on and Cyriak went on to get his
face all over The Daily Mail. We're sure his
mum is very proud.
http://snurl.com/hisrealnameisdarrenyouknow

* B3TAN PUNKS ONLINE POLL - Legless started a
little idea that did the rounds, encouraging
people to vote for Casey, a young cancer
sufferer to win an online competition by
knickers manufacturer Victoria's Secret. Looks
like she's won. Huzzah for that!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/362461
http://www.bodybyvictoria.com/#/Gallery/Page/1/Popularity

* HOMAGE IN FROMAGE - previously we've brought
you Hitler in cheese, and now here's someone
else just as loved in Germany - thanks
Lesley Sloss.
http://snurl.com/briewatch

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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-------------------------------------------------

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Philip_newzealand,
waz4444, @jearle, Linkin_Parker, mattcoxonline,
fantomex and waz4444. Top Tippery by Quiver.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Sickipedia jokes CTRL C+V via nitrokausion,
hotshot1992.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:

Spitting on the toilet paper before wiping your
bottom helps immeasurably.

-------------------------------------------------

My favourite sexual position is the JFK. I
splatter all over her while she screams and
tries to get out of the car.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 834 - Sept. 16, 2009 - Kids ReWrite Old Proverbs

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

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OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
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SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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==================================

Strange 'Drinking' Quotes

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.--W.C. Fields

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.--Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.--Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.--David Moulton

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Kid's Rewrite Old Proverbs

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:

As you shall make your bed so shall you... mess it up.

Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the... bug is close.

It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of... termites.

You can lead a horse to water but... how?

Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.

No news is... impossible.

A miss is as good as a... Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new... math.

If you lie down with the dogs, you'll... stink in the morning.

Love all, trust... me.

The pen is mightier than the... pigs.

An idle mind is... the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke, there's... pollution.

Happy the bride who... gets all the presents!

A penny saved is... not much.

Two's company, three's... the Musketeers.

Don't put off tomorrow what... you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as... Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.

You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way.

There is no fool like... Aunt Eddie.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

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STRANGE FOOTBALL PICTURES - MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY SPARTANS - SOMETIMES CALLED MOO U - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/155277.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN CONVERTIBLES! - FULL SIZE 4 DR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/154094.html

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STRESS MANAGEMENT - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/155533.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - B - FARM BUILDINGS - BARNS - SILOS - CHICKEN COOPS - STABLES

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100745_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

You Know You Have an Alcohol Problem When.......... - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/155498.html

Strange Drinks of the 21st Century - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/155534.html

Strange Doctor's Notes on Medical Charts - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/155535.html

Strange Analogies and Metaphors - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/155536.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - BOATS - ALL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/27_1.html

==================================

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