Vol 785 - Mar. 29, 2009 - A Strange Ethical Dilemma - What Would You Do?

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Celebrity Quotes

I'm the Connie Francis of rock 'n' roll. - Elton John

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults. - David Lee Roth

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect. - Ted Turner

I never know how much of what I say is true. - Bette Midler

I have nothing intelligent to say. - Meg Tilly, when approached by a TV reporter asking questions on her way into the 1997 Oscar ceremonies.

I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people. - Keanu Reeves

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - An Ethical Dilemma - What Would You Do?

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

He simply answered: ""I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.""

Never forget to ""Think Outside of the Box."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE NASA EQUIPMENT - 12 WHEEL VEHICLE - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148376.html

STRANGE ALBINO ANIMALS - MONKEY - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/148446.html

STRANGE ENTRANCES - TEETH & BIG MOUTH DOORWAYS! - TUNNEL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148677.html

STRANGE PUPPY TIME - CUTE LITTLE PUPPY FROM DISNEY'S MOVIE? LADY & THE TRAMP - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/148688.html

GREAT WHITE SHARK - HUGE MOUTH! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/148804.html

STRANGE PUPPY TIME - MOTHER HEN AND CHICK KEEP PUPPY WARM! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148690.html

NEW - WORLD'S CHEAPEST CAR - INDIA'S TATA MOTORS - NANO - FRONT QUARTER VIEW - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/148773.html

STRANGE WHALE SHARK - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148801.html

STRANGE TINY CARS - EVERYTHING IS IN THE WRONG PLACE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/148424.html

GOLFING IN NEW YORK CITY IN THE OLDE DAYS! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/121119.html

JUMBO THE ELEPHANT'S LAST PHOTO - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/108823.html

INCREDIBLE ELEPHANT BALANCING TRICK - OLD PIX - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/131864.html

FIRST TORNADO PICTURE EVER TAKEN! - 1884 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/138510.html

1925 ROLLS ROYCE PHANTOM I JONCKHEERE COUPE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/114844.html

CADILLAC DEALERSHIP SHOWROOM - 1927 - WASHINGTON DC - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/131406.html

FIRST AUTO TRANSPORT? - IT'LL NEVER WORK! (B&W) - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/106547.html

GREAT OLDE PIX - EARLY 1900'S ENGLISH CHARABANC - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/134675.html

OLD AUTO BOAT - ONE OF THE 1st AMPHIBIOUS VEHICLES - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/140290.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SOP - D - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - FREAKS - ENTERTAINMENT

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100883_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- You Might Be a Graduate Student if....... - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/24682.html

- Webster's NEW AGE Dictionary - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/24093.html

-Actual SAT Test Answers in Arkansas - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/25049.html

Ingenuity - Student Get's a 'A' - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/100150.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SOP - A - STRANGE OLDE PICTURES - PEOPLE & PLACES - RUSSIA & EUROPE

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100893_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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[b3ta] "We'll never forget you Jane"

This Week:
* BULLSHIT - are teh webs full of it?
* KILL BILL - in 60 seconds or less
* GOOGLE - StreetView Sightseeing

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | web on our local
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| hard disk for later"

B3ta email 371 - 26 Mar 2009

Read this using an "electronic" browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue371/

Aldi: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Waitrose: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
bragster.com's Crank 2 comp

"Jackass meets Facebook" social network bragster
is the place to meet fellow show-off's who'll
join you in snorting the contents of your
spice rack, or bragging about your skate skills.
Ahead of the release of the movie "Crank 2",
they've paid a guy to change his name to 'Chev
Chelios', and are now offering a HD camera for
the best public freak-out!
http://www.bragster.com/crank2

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
Bullshit, Red Carpet and Goo

>> Bureaucratic bullshit detector <<
"The Local Government Association has compiled
a list of bullshit terms that should not be
used by councils," explains Santa Claws. "My
detector checks websites and rates them for
their levels of bullshit. Thanks to chart cat
for coming up with the idea (last week's
newsletter."
http://ruletheweb.co.uk/b3ta/bullshit/

>> Being a paparazzo is harder than it looks <<
"On Sunday I was invited to be a journalist on
the red carpet at the BAFTAs," confesses Stu.
"Trouble is, I absolutely fucking sucked at
it." He's made a pleasing video of himself,
standing in the rain, a bit out of his depth,
bellowing celebrities' names, then muttering
insults as they pass by without stopping.
http://snurl.com/redcarpetfail [www_hecklerspray_com]

>> Goo & the City <<
Jonti adds a delicious chocolate coating to the
Sex & the City girls in his latest Goovie.
Chris the Ninja Pirate looks worryingly sexy as
Miranda.
http://www.goovies.co.uk/goocity.html

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
God. Religion. Churches.

Last week we decided to provoke a religious
war, mainly as an excuse to smite the heathens.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/god/

* "The Creation. Dear God. Pictures or it
didn't happen." (Anthropos)

* "Any of you so much as fucking twitch and I
will kill you, and your whole family. Next
week I'll be summarising the New Testament."
(apeloverage)

* "Day 2 in heaven... and Jade is up for
eviction." (nappy rash)

>> New question: Nativity Plays <<
We'd like you to blither amusingly on about
your childhood experiences of nativity plays.
And if you have nothing to say on the subject
then please use /offtopic rather than posting
on the main thread. Cheers.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/nativityplays/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> A lot of Kate Bush animated gifs <<
Timely reminder of just how endearingly odd
Kate Bush was (and remains). These short
animated gifs showcase the peculiar costumes
and the disturbing gyrations. But it was the
crazy eye-acting that melted us completely.
http://snurl.com/babushka [fourfour_typepad_com]

>> Genius music marketing <<
What with downloads eroding bands' traditional
revenue streams, we have to salute former Nine
Inch Nails drummer Josh Freese. You can
download his album for $7, but the more money
you pay the more additional goodies he'll throw
in. For $50 he'll call you up and thank you
personally. For $1000 the extras include him
coming round your house and doing your laundry.
It goes on from there. Joel Veitch: are you
reading this?
http://snurl.com/loveyoulongtime [mashable_com]

>> Google Sightseeing <<
Obviously, everybody has spent the last week
playing about on Google's funky new StreetView
that lets you wander round 3d views of real
locations. Here's an ongoing Twitter feed, with
people pointing out the odd and unusual things
they've glimpsed via the all-seeing internet
magic. Who needs to actually leave the house
anymore?
https://twitter.com/gsightseeing

>> Scanwiches <<
Mouth-watering selection of deli sandwiches,
cross-sectioned and placed on a flatbed
scanner. The mayonnaise must be a bugger to get
out of the scanner gubbins is all we can say.
http://scanwiches.com/

>> Gynaecological animals <<
Some of these are pushing it a bit to find a
resemblance. We've never met a girl whose
special area looked like a flying monkey. But,
hey, perhaps we're just not as worldly as we'd
like to think.
http://snurl.com/fannyzoo [www_thefrisky_com]

>> 'Ultimate' workstation <<
An amazing, swivelling computer desk that
allows you to work from any height, including
sliding a bed under it. So now your 72-hour
Warcraft binge won't cost you a bad back. Just
your job.
http://www.officeorganix.com/Eropod500.htm

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: WHAT B3TA PEEPS HAVE BEEN MAKING PART TWO
Kill Bill, Complaints and Nerdy Tech

>> The Abridged Kill Bill <<
By popular demand, Cap'n and crew have followed
up their epic 60-second Forrest Gump with a
slightly shorter version of both Kill Bills.
Nice fight scenes. This is a great way of
saving time you'd waste at the cinema; next go,
we suggest they tackle Tarkovsky's 7-hour
original Solaris.
http://snurl.com/1minutekill [www_b3ta_com]

>> Foolish complaints <<
"I wrote a ton of idiotic letters to companies,
claiming, for example, that IKEA's sofa
teleported me to Paris and that Sugar Puffs
smell of wee," scribes Chad. His surreal
rantings have generated some surprisingly nice
replies from bored customer service types.
Here's him moaning that he found TV's Jeremy
Spake in a tub of Brylcreem.
http://snurl.com/thusspakezarathustra

>> Bassline Synthesizer in Flash <<
One for the old-school electronic music crowd.
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all's
flash project does exactly what it says on the
tin.
http://joost.zeekat.nl/bassline.html

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
We're backing betamax

>> Japanese black-face <<
One benefit of broadening your cultural
horizons is you can witness and marvel at how
other cultures do their strange racist lols.
This is a sumptuous feast indeed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4QB7cHdVfs

>> Bam! Cock Shot! <<
Relentlessly chirpy infomercial for a
cock-punching, labour saving appliance. "It's a
real time saver!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cock_Shot

>> The tropical Isle of Wight <<
It's easy to mock an attempt to bring Caribbean
cred to the Isle of Wight tourist trade by
making a reggae song about it. It's a demented
idea and we laugh derisively. On the other
hand, it has actually made us want to go see
the place. Looks nice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeX11hXkUo8

>> Tormenting telemarketers <<
Blokey has a bash at winding up a cold-caller
by answering all of his questions with "yes".
Good to the very last drop.
http://snurl.com/cantsayno

>> How to destroy a Creme Egg <<
Crafty little viral from a few years back shows
an elaborate Heath Robinson machine winding up
to smash a gooey confectionary treat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrCb_fNmSTA

>> Bag-head cat <<
Pudgy feline accidentally pushes his head into
a paper bag. Rather than going mental though,
he rather seems to enjoy it and wanders
sedately round, looking absolutely ridiculous.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofrSio_jZO0

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Double cocks, single blooper

* ROOF COCK - Everywhere this week was this
story about Rory McInnes, 18, who drew a penis
on his parents' roof in the hope it would get
photographed by Google Earth.
http://snurl.com/roofcock

* COUNTDOWN BLOOPER - kevmaguire confesses,
"Just spotted from a friend - he's one of those
'big London trendy fashion designer' people but
sits at home watching Countdown all day"
http://bit.ly/l9rXP

* PHALLIC LOGO - yeah yeah, we do these all the
time but this is a FINE example. (Thx axemanbob)
http://www.monmouthshirehousing.co.uk

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Food Challenge

Last week we wanted to know where food *really*
comes from.

Your favourites included:

* CHEERS - Kelsey Grammar articulates the
entire food experience
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9289570

* PANDA - the origins of the ultimate organic
smoothie (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9285318

* MEAT FACE - nothing but the finest cuts in
this children's meaty treat (legohead)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9286100

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/food/

>> New challenge: Wrongstructions <<
1. Use google to find some instructions.
2. Use photoshop to make them wrong.
3. BTW: These instructions can be words
or pictures. The world is your plaything.
Challenge inspired by The Coast Of Yemen
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/wrongstructions/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* APOLOGIES TO MOOB - who sent this in before
Pancake Day and we forgot to post it. However,
we find it funnier now that it's out of time.
It has an expectant, plaintive quality.
http://isitpancakeday.com/

* TOP TIPS HORSESHIT AS USUAL - Arsenic writes,
"Water plants with vegetable cooking water? Not
if you've added a pinch of salt. It'd build up
in the soil every time and probably kill the
plant someday." Maybe we hate plants? Maybe we
want CO2 levels to rise? Maybe out of control
climate change gives us the horn? Because we
want everyone dead. Especially Michael Didd who
had a bigger cock than us aged 12, and used to
wave it around in the school shower. Pillock.
Hope you get climate change on your fucking
balls, Michael!!

...and breathe.

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: FRIDAY GAME
Widescreen Tetris

Things that have no need to be wider:

* Our fat internet bums
* Ladies' vagina bits
* And, of course, Tetris
http://sovietrussia.org/f/src/tetoris.swf

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* WII YOUTUBE JOKE MASH - robinholden requests,
"I was enjoying the recent Wii competition and
I would like someone to make an app which will
animate a moving Wii controller over the web
video of your choice?" Is there a brainiac out
there who can make this man's dreams come true.

* MISSING WORD GOOGLEoTRON -
X is the lowest form of wit: Sarcasm (80%),
punning (15%), Quoting Dr Johnson (5%)

X is the opium of the masses: Religion (95%),
Tea (5%)

You get it? Thanks to sabre-tooth monkey for
the lovely suggestion.

* GOOGLE STREET VIEW GAMES - maybe draw a cock
on your face and chase the Street View cars? It
would be like Where's Willy. Or get an exercise
bike and balance a laptop on the handle-bars,
and 'cyber-cycle' to the shops.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by via Ad7, Gingey,
hamzahbaig, ma0sm, Christian Sora,
jessekillerkay and CapnChkn. Additional
linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Ukrainian
bar-snacks to b4ta. Subjlols via Prof
UnderCover. (---boss+++)

Forget making U2 pay tax - we heard their last
album and Bono should have to pay reparations
for war crimes.

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:

Does anyone else think "Don't Fuck with Shilpa
Shetty" t-shirts would be a good business idea?

BTW: 133 pages of Jade Goody jokes? So many, in
fact, that when poor old Jade karked it the
server died with her from the unexpected level
of interest. 4EVA IN OWR HARTZ.
http://snurl.com/133pagesofjadegoodyjokes

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Vol 784 - Mar. 25, 2009 - 25 Strange Resume' Blunders

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETES - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Gravestone Quotes:

"That's All Folks!"
The Man of a Thousand Voices - Mel Blanc
(Hollywood Memorial Park; Hollywood, California)

Truth and History.
21 Men.
The Boy Bandit King --
He Died As He Lived.
William H. Bonney "Billy the Kid"
(Fort Sumner Cemetery; Fort Sumner New Mexico)

Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime - Dean Martin
( Westwood Memorial Cemetery, Los Angeles, California)

Shed not for her the bitter tear
Nor give the heart to vain regret
Tis but the casket that lies here
The gem that filled it sparkles yet
Belle Starr - (Myra Maybelle Shirley)
(Belle Star Cabin; Porum, Oklahoma)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - 25 Strange Resume' Blunders

1. "an applicant ghosted a headshot as the background to her resume"

2. Other Interests: "Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)".

3. "One applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the border"

4. Hobbies: "getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot"

5. Why Interested in Position: "to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail"

6. A woman had attached a picture of herself in a mini mouse costume

7. Hobbies: "Drugs and girls".

8. Under "job related skills" - for a web designer - "can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet".

9. My sister-in-law misspelled the word "proofreading" in her skill set.

10. The objective on one recent resume I received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.

11. Objective: "career on the Information Supper Highway"

12. Experience: "Stalking, shipping & receiving"

13. "I am great with the pubic."

14. A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com

15. The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.

16. One candidate's electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.

17. "…sent out my resume on the back side of a draft of a cover letter to another firm…"

18. "My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers."

19. One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn't like dealing with blood or needles.

20. Achievements: "Nominated for prom queen"

21. I once received a resume with a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the first page. The picture was of a lion's head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.

22. a resume… was printed on the back of the person's current employer's letterhead.

23. One resume that came across my desk stated how the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school.

24. A resume… had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it

25. Hobbies: "Having a good time"

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE TURTLES - TWO HEADS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148367.html

JULIE ADAMS - THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/105109.html

GRAND OPENING OF GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE SAN FRANCISCO! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/116926.html

STRANGE 1950'S CONCEPT CAR - ROCKET SHIP - BUBBLE TOP - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/144647.html

HEY KIDS - WHO'S STUPID? - HIGH SCHOOL SIGN - "COMMITED" TO HIGH STANDARDS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/148649.html

STRANGE ENTRANCES - TEETH & BIG MOUTH DOORWAYS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/148663.html

THE BEATLES - HANGING OUT A HOTEL WINDOW - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/148578.html

OLD PIX - HUGE REDWOOD TREE - HUGE SAW! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/132551.html

WWI - STRANGE 'PICTURES' CREATED USING THOUSANDS OF SOLDIERS & SAILORS - 1 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/129888.html

OLD Airline Ad Campaigns - Hot Stewardesses - "Fly Me" - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/125082.html

STRANGE OLD COAL POWERED STEAM LOCOMOTIVE - EUROPE - OLD COLOR PHOTO - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/148818.html

SIDEWALK DANGERS - CLOWNS & PIE MAN ABOUT TO MEET! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148819.html

STRANGE FUZZY BLACK AND WHITE CRITTERS - AMAZING! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/148820.html

STRANGE BICYCLES - SEUSSIAN PEDAL TRACTOR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/148821.html

OLDE NAVY AIRSHIP AND ENTIRE CREW IN HANGER - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/148822.html

STRANGE OLDE STREET PERFORMERS WITH FASHIONABLE LADY IN THE CROWD - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/148823.html

STRANGE OLDE GIANT ADULT SWING SET - LITTLE BOATS FLYING HIGH! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/148824.html

STRANGE OLDE SWIMMING FLOAT - PROPELLED BY HAND CRANKS! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/148825.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SOP - B - OLDE MOVIES - MOVIE STARS - SILENT FILMS - STARLETES - MUSICIANS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100881_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

7 Strangest Wars in History - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/148814.html

Strange Facts & History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/148816.html

TOP 20 Quotes of Mark Twain aka Sam Clemens - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/140169.html

Strange Resume' Humor - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/130054.html

Mean Things To Say To People - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/132948.html

Strange Quotes About "Work" - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/138815.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SOP - B - WORLD WAR TWO - WWII - TROOPS - BATTLES - EQUIPMENT - ALLIES - UNITED STATES - ENGLAND - RUSSIA

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100896_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 783 - Mar. 22, 2009 - Strange Actual Answers on a California Drivers Test

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

NEW 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBERS COMING THIS WEEK!

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Dying Words of Famous People:

I am still alive!
Stabbed to death by his own guards - (as reported by Roman historian Tacitus)
~~ Gaius Caligula, Roman Emperor, d.41 AD

Don't let poor Nelly (his mistress, Nell Gwynne) starve.
~~ Charles II, King of England and Scotland, d. 1685

That was the best ice-cream soda I ever tasted.
~~ Lou Costello, comedian, d. March 3, 1959

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
~~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957

Josephine...
~~ Napoleon Bonaparte, French Emperor, May 5, 1821

I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.
~~ Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, d. 1702

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Actual Answers on a California Drivers Test

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too effed up to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE CUSTOM CARS - TENNIS SHOE CAR! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/147796.html

STRANGE NASA EQUIPMENT - LIVING PODS ON WHEELS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148377.html

STRANGE STUNTS - ROBERT OVERCRACKER - OVER NIAGARA FALLS ON A JET SKI - 1995 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148403.html

THE BEATLES - WITH MOHAMMED ALI - 1973 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/148582.html

DANGEROUS SURFING - THE BIG WAVES - HUGE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/148590.html

THE ORIGINAL BATMOBILE ! - FRONT VIEW - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148603.html

4 F-117'S IN PERFECT FORMATION! - AWESOME! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/148621.html

STRANGE HORSES - STRANGE BODY PAINT! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148636.html

HEY KIDS - WHO'S STUPID? - SCHOOL MARQUEE - "LITERACACY" NIGHT! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/148648.html

STRANGE STRETCH MOTORCYCLE SCHOOL BUS! - - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/148650.html

STRANGE ENTRANCES - TEETH & BIG MOUTH DOORWAYS! - DRAGON - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/148658.html

STRANGE PUPPY TIME - BIG & LITTLE BOXER! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148687.html

DAVID BOWIE - POLICE MUG SHOT! ROCHESTER N.Y, 1976 - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/148699.html

SURFING DANGERS - SHARK CIRCLES MAN ON SURF BOARD - 2 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/148701.html

F-15 HEADING OFF INTO THE SUNSET - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148710.html

STRANGE ARTILLERY - 'ATOMIC ANNIE' DELIVERED 500 lb NUKE - 1950's - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148712.html

STRANGE FLYING AUTO - THE AEROCAR - 1949 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148713.html

BIG LION AND TINY WHITE MOUSE ON IT'S NOSE - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148757.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - STRANGE ALBUM & CD COVERS - STRANGE BOOKS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/100362_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Top 10 Unsolved Murders - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/148262.html

The Strange History of the Slinky - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148523.html

Pilot Handles Blonde Who Insists On Staying in First Class - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/148683.html

Strange Scrabble Trivia - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148703.html

How You Know You Are A High Tech Worker - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/113234.html

Smilies - (Computer Keyboard Images) - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/22583.html

Smilies - New - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/22245.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE ALBUM & CD COVERS - STRANGE BOOKS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Too busy looking at hookers on street view to come up with a subject line"

This Week:
* BILL WYMAN - in the B3ta newsletter at last
* TABLOID NEWSPAPERS - Are stinky and smell
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - How food is REALLY made...

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Entering the 'Frog Chorus'
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | part of our Paul McCartney
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| metaphor-based life-span"

B3ta email 370 - 20 Mar 2009

The newsletter without the Yahoo! cruft:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue370/

"Follow": b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
"Unfollow": b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Daily TV newsletter

tvBite.com tells you what's on telly, gives you
a comedy recipe, some wine offers, a
competition and a load of old rubbish about TV
stars from some bored journalists. It's free,
funny and um, free. At best, it'll sort your
evening out. At worst, it's something to read
on the internet. Make sure you check out the
sample edition and then sign up. (The story at
the end about Shane Richie is funny btw.)
http://www.tvbite.com

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Wyman, Women and one woman in particular

>> Bill Wyman's metal detector <<
The Rolling Stone's Bill Wyman is famous for
many things:
* Courting peadotroversy by dating the 13 year
old failbait Mandy Smith.
* Being surprising old for a 1960s popstar - he
was 30 in 1966, about 7 years older than Mick &
Keef.
* Turning an enjoyable bass riff into a Ian
Dury pastiche with Je Suis Un Rock Star. Also
notable for its nonce-sense lyric, "They'll
think I'm your dad and you're my daughter."
Anyway, hopefully old Bill will now be famous
for one more thing: Swedemason taking his
dribbling about metal detectors and turning it
into something rather special indeed.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bill_Wymans_metal_detector

>> Loose Women with squeaky voices <<
ITVs Loose Women is a TV gameshow where
menopausal women win valuable incontinence pants -
depending on which one of them has the most
ill-informed opinion. Ladma is attempting to
up the gag count by giving them even sillier
voices than they already have. Well done!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Loose_Women

>> Tabloid journalist in hypocrisy shock <<
Paula Murray, tabloid journalist and all round
bad egg has enraged the internets recently with
her Sunday Express story reporting on school
shooting survivors "shaming the memory of their
dead peers" by sticking up photos of themselves
on Facebook behaving like teenagers. Graham
Linehan of Father Ted co-write fame has a clear
take on it all here:
http://snurl.com/righteousblogging

Also of interest is our very own Manic who's
hunted down the journalist's own boozy
Facebook postings in an attempt to give her a
taste of her own medicine. Ouch. Particularly
the "spinster aunt" comment.
http://www.bloggerheads.com/archives/2009/03/paula_murray_drinks.asp

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Penises, penises and more penises

Last week we asked what thing you were most
ashamed of doing with a penis:
http://b3ta.com/questions/pythonshame/

* NAPKIN RING - "As some of you know, I'm
into piercing, but watching a tattooed bloke
grasp your manhood and shove a 3.2mm needle
clean through it is a walk in the park compared
to watching blood gush from your shaft as you
use oily pliers to tease out last shards of
pewter napkin ring and crushed lumps of ceramic
cutting disk after a misguided attempt at a
DIY cock ring." (Humpty Dumpty was Pushed)

* PERSONAL CALL - "I swear, I was sending...
um...pictures...of...um...its glory...to my
g/f at the time. But to take the picture to
send, I had gone to my office toilets and
taken a look at some pictures that she had
previously sent me. Until I was, you know,
'ready'. Then I snapped away, got a couple of
shots that showed me in a flattering light
and sent one. My phone was fairly slow to send
pictures, so I went back to my desk and put it
down next to me, waiting for the tell-tale
buzz that meant my penis was flying in 1s and
0s through the ether for my waiting beloved's
depraved pleasure. Then I promptly forgot it
and went to get coffee. I came back to my desk
and my boss was hovering waiting to talk to me,
so we are chatting away and then I notice his
eyes start to drift down to my desktop. I
follow his gaze and there, clear as day, is my
phone. With my erect penis. And, in the
background, the distinctive red and white tiles
that adorned the cubicles in the staff toilets.
I've never had a non-awkward conversation with
him again." (scarpe)

* SUPRISE PENIS - "If your beloved is sitting
on the floor doing paperwork and you've just
come out the shower. Don't - I repeat DON'T -
sneak up behind her and smack her round the
back of the head with your cock and run off
giggling like a twat. It's a deal breaker. It
really fucking is." (SpankyHanky)

>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like your take on God. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/god/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Sequels that don't exist <<
Sounding like one of our old image challenges
(in fact I think we ran it after watching
web-video "Titanic 2! The Revenge of the
Iceberg!"), but what saves this from territory
that we're over-familiar with is the quality of
the writing and mind-expanded full-throttle
creativity on offer. We particularly dig 'Rambo
V' featuring the entire Rambo family, all
played by Stallone, "The handshakes might have
to be done with CGI or something."
http://everybodylovesacane.blogspot.com/

>> Ultimate geek office <<
To use modern internet speak, this is so full
of fail that it's 100% win. Witness a grown
man, dressed in a skin-tight Storm Trooper
outfit, unpacking his lovely new Apple Mac toys
whilst surrounded by Manga figurines. And he
has a wife apparently.
http://www.dannychoo.com/adp/eng/1677/Mac+Life+4.html

>> Dead insects + watch bits <<
Extremely creepy photos of dead insects that have been
case-modded with antique watch parts. Could be
the early work of a particularly meticulous
steam-punk serial killer. They start with
animals, you know.
http://www.insectlabstudio.com/?item/311

>> Photos of Chernobyl <<
The Chernobyl tourism industry is growing. Soon
it'll beat North Korea as the number one
destination for those who self-identify as
wankers, sorry travellers, rather than tourists.
Mind you, the photos are indeed chilling and
would be a fantastic place to film a cheapo
Zombie film, assuming you can afford the
insurance for potentially giving the crew
leukaemia.
http://www.grcade.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=2217

>> Gallery of pre-loaders <<
Much like the banner-ad, the pre-loader absorbs
a huge amount of ad agencies' energy without
ever getting one ounce of love on the real
internet. (You know, the internet that gets
views, rather than the waste-ground of client
sites.) Celebrate the folly here, or use it to
confuse a naive friend, "this site is GREAT
once it loads."
http://www.prettyloaded.com/

>> Soundboards a-gogo <<
In an unlikely revival of retro web trends,
we've been seeing a lot of love for soundboards
this week. One based on Daft Punk's classic
toilet roll jingle, "Harder, Better, Faster,
Stronger" and the other mostly from George
Michael's early pre-crack-pipe hit "Wham! Rap".
Open both and pretend you're Jean Michelle
Jarre attempting to grapple with the 90s.
http://www.najle.com/idaft/
http://www.ronwinter.tv/drums.html

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
VHS will rise again!

>> Burger grease art <<
If something can be used to make a mark on
paper, then it can be used to make a drawing.
Although we pity this stink-fingered artist
who uses beef-fat as his medium of choice.
Next week we'd like to see Edvard Munch's 'The
Scream', as rendered by walking down the street
and asking everyone you pass for a little of
their precious, salty earwax.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orjALWsyaR4

>> Twitter = twats? <<
The problem with Twitter is that it's difficult
to "get". Much like it would be hard to see the
point of a phone if the only person you could
phone was Stephen Fry, and he didn't listen to
you, only barked missives about how much
battery life was left in his laptop. Anyway, if
you're on the side of the fence that enjoys
going, "I don't see the point of it" then
you'll have a certain satisfaction in this well
observed and slickly produced cartoon.
http://current.com/items/89891774/supernews_twouble_with_twitters.htm

>> Jenga bricks pistol <<
There's two ways to make Jenga more exciting:
firstly you can play it for money. We promise
you, you've never played sport until you've had
£50 riding on pushing out a wooden brick. Or
secondly, replace your fingers with guns. Yes.
Special Jenga guns.
http://b3ta.com/links/Jenga_Bricks_Pistol

>> Communicating with Cat Central Command <<
Morse code facts:
* There's no | (pipe) sign in Morse code, thus
making it difficult to port to Linux.
* Sting's Morse Code classic De Doo Doo Doo De
Da Da Da, has often been known to confuse
shipping.
* Telegraphy pioneered txt-spk in the 1890s,
using GE for Good Evening, GN for Good Night
and ISOCYWIRB for "I say old chap, your wife
is ridiculously butters."
http://b3ta.com/links/Communicating_with_Central_Command

>> Computer rage song <<
The shanty is a working song used by navies,
slaves and sailors to make repetitive communal
tasks more bearable by creating an all
encompassing rhythm that the body falls into.
And aren't IT workers a little like the poor
Irish sods who built all our motorways in the 60s
and then ended up broken, family-less drunkards
in Camden's Arlington House? But in the digital
age, with roads being pointless reports, and
the shovels broken laptops? That's what this
song makes us think anyway.
http://snurl.com/do_people_still_say_borked

>> Dragons Den parody <<
You know this is going to be a funny clip, so
trust on that, and let us have 30 seconds of
your time whilst we play word substitution
games on famous phrases:
* Cutting off our cock to spite our balls.
* You can't make a sausage without breaking a
pig.
* Er.. Do not look a gift-horse in the cock.
Anyway, moving swiftly on:
http://b3ta.com/links/The_Milk_Gargoyles_hatch_Dragons_Den_parody

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Shoot us in the face. Please.

Update on Randy Midgett: his wife is called
Ginger.
http://www.baysidemanortour.com/patrons.html

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Font Jokes Challenge

Last week we wanted you to have fun with
typefaces. Oh yes, we literally asked for FontLols.

Your favourites included:

* RAP - getting typographical on yo ass
(The magic of chutney)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9264220

* COCK - a special delivery for a lucky
lady - or man, if you like that kind
of thing (Daisy Lemon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9261146

* DOLCE - Midge Ure's entry wasn't quite
funny enough (op)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9268383

All these images, and the highest as
voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fontjokes/

>> New challenge: Food <<
We're continually told of the need to be
aware of how our food is sourced, so show
us how what we eat is *really* made.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/food/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* B3TARD WHO WANTS A HUSBAND GETS WRITTEN UP IN
THE DAILY MAIL - Alex wrote to us to say,
"Yeah, the Daily Mail, not my paper of choice
at all - I kept mentioning B3ta during the
interview, but I don't think she got my hints
to mention it. I'm going on GMTV tomorrow
morning and it's live, so I'll definitely try
and give B3ta a shout out!" Also Peter Davison
subverts, "Look for the comment by a Mr. Deago
Stiniberg from Hull. That's me that is."
http://snurl.com/dzhfk

* STEPHEN FRY CARICATURE - "Had an email from
the lovely Mr Stephen Fry", writes Tart Monkey,
"saying very nice things about my caricature of
him that got front-paged last week, and asking if I
could send him a hi-res version for his own
amusement, which I did of course." BTW: Poor
old Stevie (Who we'll now call Stevie, as this
is how he refers to himself on Twitter,
especially when hungry), this was his own
personal glass-cock, as a quick search shows,
ENDLESS people recommended this image to him.
http://search.twitter.com/search?q=b3ta+stephenfry


* RYANAIR PHOTOSHOP - another equally popular
image from B3ta recently was the reworking of
the Ryanair instructions by Coast Of Yemen -
which have done the rounds so often that
they're now appearing (uncredited) on the
actual Ryanair website. Naughty Ryanair doing
things on the cheap again.
http://snurl.com/naughty_naughty

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* BANKRUPT THE BANKS - in a plot weirdly
reminiscent of Superman III, fridgefreezer
asks, "Can someone write a script for on-line
banking sites that does all money transfers 1p
at a time? I would dearly love to see the postman
dragging my next bank statement up the path on
a sack truck because I paid my credit card bill
in 20,000 instalments."

* COUNCIL BULLSHIT ANALYSER - Chart Cat asks,
"I read management guff every day. It would be
marvellous if I could go to a website, paste in
a chunk of text and get an itemised 'bullshit
score' based on this word list."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/7949077.stm

* AD AGENCIES GIVING B3TA PEOPLE CASH to rework
old flash cartoons as new advertising campaigns.
Yep, Jonti HASN'T been ripped off, he's been
commissioned:
http://www.118247.com/home.html

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Peter Davison,
mockingbirdred, Darklord, tedster, 4dam, badge,
Monty Propps, the_log_knows, Kingdom Oblivion,
aphareus. Occasionally we hide jokes in the
thanks bit. Not this week. Top Tippery by
Flowerpot. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Oh go on then: Did
you hear about the horse who thought he was a
mouse? He went click-clop. Mike Trinder is QOTW
bloke. Subjlols via Prof UnderCover.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
If you boil vegetables, let the water cool and
use it to water plants. The nutrients in the
water are good for them. Works with water used
to boil pasta too.

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
What's brown and rhymes with "snoop"?
Dr Dre
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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__,_._,___

Vol 782 - Mar. 18, 2009 - Strange: Are They Male or Female?

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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Strange Quotes - When Insults Had Class:

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address
on it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party,
"Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!"

Winston replied, "Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Are They Male or Female?

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.

TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it ... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female! Ha! You thought we'd say male. But consider, it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE TINY CARS - WORLD'S SMALLEST - 1979 LOSCHI BMW ISETTA - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/148423.html

STRANGE ALBINO ANIMALS - FROG - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148441.html

STRANGE PIG FARMER - HE LOVES HIS HOGS - ON THE COUCH WITH HIM! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/148413.html

STRANGE MEDICAL X-RAYS - TOY - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148483.html

STRANGE CONCEPT CARS - THE PHANTOM CORSAIR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/147688.html

STRANGE LITTLE JUNIOR TANK - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/148104.html

CRAZY OLD LADY CARJACKS HER OWN CAR! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/148517.html

STRANGE MOTORCYCLE MOTOCROSS RACER GOES FLYING! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/148524.html

STRANGE BOATING PROBLEMS - BEACHED CABIN CRUISER DEMOLISHED BY CONSTRUCTION SHOVELS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148525.html

TRAFFIC COP WITH PRIORITIES - MOMMA DUCK AND DUCKLINGS CROSS THE BUSY STREET! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148528.html

COOL AERIAL VIEW OF AIR FORCE MILITARY JETS & CARGO PLANES - AIR SHOW - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/148529.html

COOL 1ST BATTALION ARMOR - 2ND INFANTRY DIV. CHRISTMAS LIGHTS DISPLAY - MILITARY TANK ALL LIT UP ! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/148530.html

DANGEROUS JOBS - STRANGE LUNCH ROOM - SKY HIGH! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/148531.html

WORLD'S UGLIEST CAT - WOW! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148532.html

STRANGE OLD LOG HUT - IT'S HUGE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148534.html

STRANGE CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT CONVERSION - FARM TRACTOR CONVERTED TO 'STEAM ROLLER' - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/148535.html

STRANGE 'EYEBALL' WHEELS ON ANTI DRINKING VOLKSWAGEN - SCARY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148536.html

STRANGE MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS - TAKING A BREAK IN A TINY CLIFF CAVE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148537.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - ST - BATHROOMS - Toilets - Urinals - Bidets - Strange Places to GO!

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/category/100581_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Facts About Your Brain - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/147898.html

The Strange History and Uses of Chocolate - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148520.html

The Strange History of Being a Bridesmaid - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/148521.html

Did a Strange Author Predict the Sinking of The Titanic - 14 Years Early? - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148522.html

Strange Uses For 'Bounce" Dryer Sheets - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/108809.html

Strange One Liners - Caution PUNS! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/120427.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - ST - BATHROOMS - Toilets - Urinals - Bidets - Strange Places to GO!

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/category/115_1.html

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Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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Vol 781 - Mar. 15, 2009 - Are You Ready for a Strange St. Patrick's Day?

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Definitions:

WHAT IS AN IRISHMAN
An Irishman is a man who?

May not believe there is a God,
but is darn sure of the infallibility of the Pope...

Won't eat meat on Friday,
but will drink Jameson for breakfast.....

Has great respect for the truth,
he uses in emergencies...

Sees things not as they are
but the way they never will be.....

Cries at sad movies,
but cheers in battle....

Hates the English,
but reserves his cruelty for countryman....

Gets more Irish the further he gets from Ireland.....

Believes in civil rights,
but not in his neighborhood...

Believes to forgive is divine,
therefore doesn't exercise it himself....

Loves religion for its own sake,
but also because it makes it so inconvenient for his neighbors....

Scorns money,
but worships those who have it...

Considers any Irishman who
achieves success to be a traitor...

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - You Might be a Leprechaun if.......

Submitted by J, L, CR & TJ Morrison

You snicker uncontrollably all the way through "Darby O'Gill And The Little People."

Your record collection is stocked only with very short artists, Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins.

When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there's me pot o' gold!)

In your cupboard there is nothing but Lucky Charms cereal.

Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere.

You insist on dancing a jig on your way to work each morning to the embarrassment of all your friends.

You've been under a rock for the past few years.

You just despise fairies. ("Wing Envy" if you ask me!)

You try to pick up women by saying "Ah, lassie, you have dazzling kneecaps, you do."

When you eat good food, you say it is "magically delicious,".

And the number one way you can tell you might be a Leprechaun:

You're three feet tall, Irish, have red hair, cuss, drink and wear green a lot!

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE SEA CREATURES - SEA HORSE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/147979.html

THE STRANGE 'NEW/OLD' CARS OF CUBA! - 1 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/148188.html

USS NEW YORK - LPD-21 - BUILT FROM WTC STEEL! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/148257.html

SSI TOP MODEL BAR RAFAELI - HAS HER OWN SOUTHWEST AIRLINES AIRPLANE PAINT! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/148308.html

STRANGE DANGEROUS ASIAN BRIDGE - 1 - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/148357.html

STRANGE MOUNTAIN CLIMBING RIDGE - JUST HANG OVER THE EDGE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148358.html

STRANGE TURTLES - WITH BUTTERFLY PAL! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/148363.html

STRANGE NASA EQUIPMENT - 12 WHEEL MOON VEHICLE - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/148374.html

OLDE FIRE EQUIPMENT - HOOK & LADDER 132 - BROOKLYN NEW YORK - 1915! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/148383.html

FIREMAN ROUTE FIREHOSE THRU ILLEGALLY PARKED VAN - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/148384.html

STRANGE RIOT SQUAD GEAR - DARTH VADER CLONES? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/148385.html

POLICE CAR OF THE FUTURE! - SUICIDE BACK DOORS - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/148387.html

STRANGE STUNTS - KARL SOUCEK - OVER NIAGARA FALLS IN A BARREL - 1984 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148400.html

AUSSIE GOLFING DANGERS - PGA GOLFER PETER LEONARD WAITS FOR KANGAROO TO CLEAR - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148415.html

STRANGE TREE - IT'S ALSO A LOUNGE CHAIR! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148422.html

STRANGE OLDE VEHICLES - HUGE WHEEL CONCEPT! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/147593.html

DEER HUNTING TEXAS STYLE - CUSTOM HUNTING VEHICLE - SIDE VIEW - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/147958.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - RAILROAD TRAINS - LOCOMOTIVES - TRACKS - ACCIDENTS - ENGINEERS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100637_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Facts About Your Muscles and Bones - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/147897.html

Going Over Niagara Falls - How Many Have Made It? - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/148412.html

Irish Humor - Worth Reviewing - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/22893.html

- Irish Jokes - One liners - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25407.html

- Irish Blessings - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/25504.html

St Patrick - A Quick History - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/106251.html

"Irish Jokes" A Few Short Ones. - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/122544.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SV - RAILROAD TRAINS - LOCOMOTIVES - TRACKS - ACCIDENTS - ENGINEERS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

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HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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