Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: April 2012

Sonntag, 29. April 2012

VOL 1107 - April 29, 2012 - Strange Questions That The Smithsonian Musem has Received

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Spring Fun !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_10047.html
CHILD LABOR HORROR STORIES - EARLY 1900'S PICTURES - COAL MINES - MANUFACTURING - MILLS - NEWSBOYS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/news_10203.html
WWI & WWII - STRANGE RAZZLE DAZZLE CAMOUFLAGE PAINT

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/news_671.html
STRANGE 'ART' FROM AROUND THE WORLD

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_2561.html
STRANGE BEER AND LIQUOR IMAGES

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_5124.html
STRANGE VEHICLES FOUND ON A RAILROAD TRACK!

==================================

Strange Quotes on "Stupidity"

In politics stupidity is not a handicap.

I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.

Stupidity has a certain charm - ignorance does not.

STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere!

There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.

Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Tis sometimes the height of wisdom to feign stupidity.

'Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting' RAH.

There are four things that hold back human progress. Ignorance, stupidity, committees and accountants.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Questions That The Smithsonian Musem has Received

The Smithsonian Museum's phone answerers usually get questions like "How do you get there?" "When are you open?" Etc. More detailed questions get shunted to departments such as Anthropology. But every so often, you get funny ones. Here are some Cordelia Benedict of the Smithsonian's telephone information services and Marilyn London of the anthropology outreach and public information office have gotten over the years:

There's a mastadon in my back yard. Can you send some scientists to dig it up? "There was literally a mastodon buried on her ranch," Benedict says. "She was right. We referred her to the vertebrate department, I think."

Do you have the Original Bible? You know, 10 Commands, tablets, Moses, etc?

What's the name of the guy who invented the wheel? ("How do you know it was a man?" London replied.)

Where do you keep the flying saucers you've captured?

Can a small plane land on the Mall? The caller was sure it could since "all those planes in the Air and Space Museum had to get there somehow."

Is Fawn Hall's underwear on display? This from "two men in a Texas bar who obviously had a lot to drink," says Benedict.

Where is the Ark of the Covenant? (Try Indiana Jones movies.)

Does the Smithsonian display Civil War planes?

Is the Smithsonian interested in buying the carcass of Bigfoot?

Will the Smithsonian sell the starship Enterprise, used for the popular "Star Trek" television show? "She only wanted it if the transporter was in working condition," Benedict says. (The only life-size Enterprise at the Smithsonian is the space shuttle of the same name).

Can the Smithsonian set up a caller with a hula teacher? "Actually, I tracked one down for her," remembers London. "We have a curator involved in South Pacific and Hawaiian culture, so she knew one."

How do you say "I'm thinking of you" in Apache?

Can you send "all the information you have on human evolution, even the secret stuff?" from a grade school letter writer.

How about the coin George Washington tossed across the Delaware River?

Could the Smithsonian take a "petrified whale" off a caller's hands? He was referred to paleontology. "I told him that means `very old biology,' and he said, `good because this is a very old whale,'" Benedict recalls.

And one of Benedict's favorites: an offer to donate a collection of potato chips resembling "famous people and animals."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

SCARY CHINESE ACTION GIF - CELLPHONE LADY ON SIDEWALK FALLS THRU INTO 20 FT HOLE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/182682.html

INCREDIBLE SPORTS FEAT - TWO INDEX FINGER PUSH - HANDSTAND - FLIP! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/182681.html

OLDE STARS - HOLLYWOOD HOTTIES - JOAN COLLINS - SEXY SWEATER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/182617.html

STRANGE BLONDE BRAIDS - CLASSY HAIR JOB! - http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/182405.html

MILEY CYRUS - TIGHT LIL JOGGING OUTFIT - 1 - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/182464.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - RED DOT - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/182632.html

STRANGE ROBOTIC NAVAL WARFARE - THE NAVY'S NEW SATELLITE-CONTROLLED UNMANNED VESSEL - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/182408.html

FRANK SINATRA - DEPARTS HELICOPTER WITH COCKTAIL IN HAND! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/182281.html

DELTA GOODREM GETS ACQUAINTED WITH HER WAX FIGURE! - 1 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/182490.html

WEATHER DANGERS - HUGE DUST DEVIL VORTEX IN FARMER FIELD - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/182497.html

STRANGE OLDE PRODUCTS & INVENTIONS - 1939 TOBACCO & CIGARETTE PACKAGE DISPLAY - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/182498.html

STRANGE CELEBS - HUGH HEFNER PASSED OUT ON DINING ROOM TABLE IN PLAYBOY MANSION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/182005.html

F-15-SA'S - 2 SAUDI ARABIAN AIR FORCE ON MIDDLE EAST PATROL - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/182037.html

F-4 PHANTOM - COOL TIGER STRIPES PAINT JOB - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/182039.html

STRANGE OLDE PRODUCTS & INVENTIONS - CAMERA GUN - REVOLVER SHOOTS PICTURES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/182515.html

OLDE FIRE TRUCKS & EQUIPMENT - 1940's LOS ANGELES HARBOR FIRE BOAT #2 - FIRE/BOAT HOUSE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/181944.html

STRANGE OLDE PRODUCTS - SANITIZED TAPE WORMS TO BANISH FAT! - - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/182109.html

OLDE LUXURY - 1929 FORD COUPE STRETCH LIMO - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/182600.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - SOCCER - RUGBY - WORLD CUP - PLAYERS - STARS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100021_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Traffic Tickets - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/182258.html

Strange Senior Questions - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134827.html

Strange but True Baseball Injuries - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134066.html

Strange Zodiac Signs - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/131600.html

Strange Reasons For Getting Fired! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/132695.html

10 Most Bizarre Scientific Papers - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/133396.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - SOCCER - RUGBY - WORLD CUP - PLAYERS - STARS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/119_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!
a

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Freitag, 27. April 2012

[b3ta] "Brogrammers: coders who love bro-jobs"

This Week:
* FACEBOOK - On its way out?
* IMPACT - Pics of things getting shot
* LAST BLOOD - Rambo/Spectrum tribute

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're injecting heroin
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | into our toes to keep
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| warm... together"

B3ta email 526 - 27 Apr 2012

Read this issue doing an impersonation of Siri:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue526

Subs : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Blubs : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
30m of ethernet cable for three quid

This week we've finally tackled making the
internet work properly on the TV. The wireless
was too iffy and, whatever we tried, those
magic plugs and repeaters couldn't get a
reliable signal. So we thought fuck it, bought
30m of cable and used cable clips to make it
follow the skirting board. Wish we'd done it
years ago. We can now do all the cool modern
stuff like controlling the telly from our iPad
(via Boxee) and streaming movies from our NAS
box. Fuck yeah. It's like living in 2009.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000IAHNRK/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Buy some ads so we don't have to pimp ethernet
cable. FFS.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Facebook, Fish, Wanking and Politics

>> Facebook is killing itself <<
"Does every website, corporation, institution
or even pan-global empire eventually collapse
under the weight of its own arrogance?" asks
Dan Bull. "I made a rap song full of easter
eggs, with the help of fellow B3tan null. Now
I'm trying to get it into the charts."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Facebook_is_killing_itself

>> The Abyssal Zone: Nature's lava lamp <<
"I have spent the last few weeks painstakingly
cutting up footage of scary-looking fish from
Blue Planet," confesses video-fishmonger Mr
Eraserhead. "This is the result."
http://bit.ly/Iw5jyE

>> Base Wanking <<
"I made a new thing with butters innit dude!"
exclaims Joel Veitch. "It's a celebration of
the glory that is Base Wanking, and it's also
the rudest and most juvenile animation in the
history of man." You've been warned.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Base_Wanking

>> Ian Bowler's Electile Dysfuntion Ep 3 <<
"Right-wing dogsbody and mayoral candidate Sir
Ian deals with setbacks on the campaign trail
in a typically dignified and restrained way,"
writes alter-ego Natt Tapley. NSFW some swears.
http://bit.ly/JK78v3

-------------------------------------------------

: YOUR THOUGHTS ON TOILET MACERATORS
They chop up your poo and go whrrr!

* NOISY - "They chopped the poos down into a
pulp and sounded like a chainsaw, couldn't use
it at night because it woke everyone up. Never
remember it blocking, however!"

* FIRE - krang writes, "My girlfriend had one
at her rented house. I did a really big poo
that it couldn't handle and it caught fire.
The fire brigade turned up and everything. I
didn't tell them what had caused the fire."

* SPEW - sanity challenged writes, "We had one
where I used to work. Unfortunately the dream
of having one you'll never need to clean is
short-lived - it wasn't long before the thing
regularly blocked up, spewing ground-up waste
back into the bowl. And this was in a shop
full of ladies who were slightly phobic of
pooing in public, so it was only dealing with
loo roll. Manly mega-dumps may make it
explode."

BTW: The general use of a macerator isn't to
flush big poos but to allow a toilet to be
fitted in a room with only a narrow drain.
Popular in guesthouses and crappy flat
conversions.

BTW2: Bela Lugosi's Dad recommends, "Can't
help with your chod-churning issues but I
can't recommend Harpic Power Plus toilet
cleaner highly enough. I bought it to clean
under the rim but it decimates panslime like
nothing I've seen, you don't have to do any
more. And you can get it in Poundland. I'm so
alone."

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Sporting Woe

We asked for your memories of organised sport,
mostly to see if it was as bad for you as was
for us. It was. Read on:
http://b3ta.com/questions/sports/

* MAGNET CHICKEN - "Working at the local tip
over one summer we invented MAGNET CHICKEN.
The rules are simple, climb inside an empty
skip and take it in turn to throw magnets at
one another. Your average tip is lousy with
discarded stereos; a swift toecap to the
speakers yields a collection of magnets. As
your empty skip is basically a 5m long steel
corridor, a thrown magnet will veer off and
stick to the wall with a wonderful 'SPANG'
noise. The aim of the game is to see how hard
you dare to throw a magnet at your friend. So
I tossed the first magnet, pitifully it
slammed into the left wall whole feet away
from my opponent. He retaliated by overarm
bowling a 3lb monster from a car subwoofer at
me at lightning speed. 'WANN-NNG!' the whole
skip reverberated as this thing slammed into
the wall next to my head, missing my eye by
millimetres. "You cunt, have some of... THIS!"
I replied wrenching the magnet from the skip
and hurling it back at him. My cack-
handedness resulted in the magnet clearing the
top of the skip and landing out of sight with
an almighty reverberating KER-SPANG. Leaping
out of the skip we were confronted by a
horrifying sight. A middle-aged man,
pale-faced and shaking with terror was frozen
to the spot, halfway through removing an oven
from his boot. An oven with a crater-sized
dent in it, centered around a speaker magnet."
(willenium)

* REVENGE - "The Kids Who Were Shit At Sports
had to set athletics stuff up for the Kids Who
Were Good At Sports. So we used to make all
the hurdles different heights, and random
distances apart. It was fun to watch from the
sides." (Pope Shax IX)

* 'LYMPICS - "The Paralympics is PE gone mad."
(browser)

>> This Week - Morning After Souvenirs <<
Woken up clutching something you've no memory
of obtaining, let alone what it is? Talk
through the hangover here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/morningaftersouvenirs/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Make any website 3D <<
Creative abuse of CSS lets you render most
websites as a disorientating cluster of
hovering rectangles. And they want to eat your
eyes.
http://www.edankwan.com/lab/3dit

>> Logical fallacy poster <<
A handy giant-sized poster, to help you win
all internet arguments. Or at least a handy
reference as to why they leave you so annoyed.
http://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/poster

>> American Civil War photos <<
Fascinating collection of mid 19th-century
photos detailing people and places of the
American Civil War.
http://bit.ly/A3goLb

>> Fake identity generator <<
Slightly sinister site that randomly creates
new personal details for filling out forms
anonymously.
http://www.fakenamegenerator.com/

>> Read Korean in 15 minutes! <<
Comic strip talks you through the deceptively
simple Korean alphabet.
http://ryanestradadotcom.tumblr.com/post/20461267965

>> Nyan Waites <<
Does what it says on the tin.
http://nyanwaits.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: HOW TO MAKE TODDLERS SLEEP
Your tips shared

* TIN FOIL - Ndusting writes, "Kids can and will
sleep past 05:30 but the room needs to be
blacked out. In Spain we have true blackout
blinds; otherwise they will wake as soon as
there's any light. One trick we used at my
in-laws place on the coast; tin foil on the
windows does the same job. My brother in law
took the piss... until the following morning
when they were up again at 05:00 and we slept
until 07:30."

* SPECIAL ALARM CLOCK - [Name lost] recommends
a this awesome alarm clock that trains your
children to stay in bed by displaying a moon
at night and a sun in the day. MOON MEANS
SLEEP. LEARN IT CHILD PIGEON.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B002APJCNE/b3ta-21

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like a video tape but using internet

>> Wolverhampton tourism 1972 <<
Got a time machine but no money? Why not
vacation in the scenic Black Country town
known as 'the Venice of the Midlands'.
Wonderful archive footage. BTW: Make sure you
check out other John Swallow vids on the
archive - legendary and amusing Midlands
reporter.
http://bit.ly/lRCjuv

>> Ain't Nobody Got Time For That <<
Sweet Brown's house burning down earlier this
month was a real bonanza for the internet's
lolmongers. Here's her amazing interview
autotuned into something quite extraordinarily
catchy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7k

>> "Say no to unplanned pregnancy" <<
Another amazing ad, from the team that brought
you Chuck Testa. Hilarious and knowing.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/say_no_to_unplanned_pregnancy

>> Tactical gameshow move or madness? <<
Tense showdown at the end of supercomplex game
show Golden Balls. It's basically the
Prisoner's Dilemma, where both contestants try
to predict the other's move - then one takes
matters into his own hands. Action starts at
2:35.
http://bit.ly/Ih34C3

>> Flying geometry <<
Crazy, rotating shape propels itself by
flipping inside out, like the hovering Rubik's
Snake from our anxiety dream last night.
http://bit.ly/HVsZP4

>> Brilliant YouTube comment <<
Much, much funnier than it sounds. Bloke
creases up as he reads out a message from a
fan, whose abuse of English borders on genius.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Man_Laughs_at_Youtube_Comment

-------------------------------------------------

: FOLLOW FRIDAY
Des'ree and her shit lyrics

Des'ree once sang "I don't want to see a ghost
/ It's a sight that I fear most / I'd rather
have a piece of toast." A rhyme so notoriously
banal that few have forgotten it. Including
this newly created parody account featuring
such delights as "Murdoch is quite an old man.
He's not young like that Gok Wan. Listening to
Duran Duran. Missing Madeleine McCann."
https://twitter.com/#!/desree_life

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAMEY GAME TIME
Rambo's Last Blood

Celebrating 30 years of Sinclair Spectrum this
week with this experimental sequel to Rambo:
First Blood (which was basically a remake of
Commando). Here Rambo dies and attempts to
atone for the pain he's caused, by hugging
the souls of the dead.
http://www.javidpower.com/lastblood/

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Superheroes Challenge

Last week we wanted you to create new
hoaxes

Your favourites included:

* HELL - life hasn't been the same for Anung
Un Rama since he moved the family to Peckham
(ham o' shanter)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10750384

* PUSSY: takes a back seat
after an unpleasant visit to the vet (Ninj)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10749273

* ARMED: in which Dr. Otto Gunther Octavius
packs the shopping in near- record time
(HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10748108

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/superheroes/

>> New challenge: Disappointment <<
What form does it take? What causes it? This
week's challenge is to show us what
disappointment looks like.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/disappointment/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* ORDINARY DAY FOR CHARITY - All that jumping
out of planes and marathons dressed as a cow?
Foolish, wasted effort, according to
Mushybees. Watch his pitch here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uld0JM1Em-s

* PURPLESTOCK II - Professor Kenny Martin
writes, "I'm running Purplestock again this
year; the charity gig that I started in memory of
Jess. This year's is on May the 5th, in Derby.
Is there any chance of a mention in next
week's newsletter please?"
http://www.purplestock.co.uk

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include... Ah fuck
it, here's some thoughts about e-paper.

* E-WALLPAPER - imagine Kindle screen
electronic paper all over your wall. You could
change your wallpaper with an app. Or change
your friends' wallpaper to cocks and alter the
password.

* E-PAPER KINDLE COVERS - imagine if your
electronic books actually broadcast via the
cover what you were reading?

* E-INK TATTOOS - why even have a Kindle when
you could read Pride & Prejudice on your e-ink
tattooed penis? Genius UI - If you need big
print then just get an erection.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Friends: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Twats: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @TomChivers,
mitsusproogi, Fadgebadger, TheTrampSurveyor,
@editorialgirl, @viralfactory, @blanalive,
@seth_weisfeld, WiL, unclepills, Smale, jams,
@GigerPunk, @The_Tonks Image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols inspired by @DanielKelly84.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Convince people you own an iPhone by ending
all of your emails with the line: Sent from my
iPhone. (Woodlouse)

__._,_.___

Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic

Messages in this topic (1)

Recent Activity:

New Members 24

Visit Your Group

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use

__,_._,___

Mittwoch, 25. April 2012

VOL 1106 - April 25, 2012 - Strange Things a True Southerner Knows

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Spring Fun !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_8397.html
STRANGE TOMBS, CRYPTS AND RELIGIOUS BUILDINGS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_1408.html
STRANGE BUSINESS BUILDINGS & PAINT JOBS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_10738.html
OLDE STARS AND THEIR FANCY CARS - FROM A 1911 MODEL T TO NEWER ROLLS ROYCE'S

http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/news_8100.html
RALLY CARS & TRUCKS - WHEELS OFF THE GROUND!

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/news_10053.html
DOGS TAKING A RIDE - ON MOTORCYCLE AND IN CARS AND TRUCKS!

==================================

Strange Gravestone Quotes:

"That's All Folks!"
The Man of a Thousand Voices - Mel Blanc
(Hollywood Memorial Park; Hollywood, California)

Truth and History.
21 Men.
The Boy Bandit King --
He Died As He Lived.
William H. Bonney "Billy the Kid"
(Fort Sumner Cemetery; Fort Sumner New Mexico)

Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime - Dean Martin
( Westwood Memorial Cemetery, Los Angeles, California)

Shed not for her the bitter tear
Nor give the heart to vain regret
Tis but the casket that lies here
The gem that filled it sparkles yet
Belle Starr - (Myra Maybelle Shirley)
(Belle Star Cabin; Porum, Oklahoma)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Things a True Southerner Knows…

The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.

Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.

What general direction cattywumpus is.

That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar.

When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.

The difference between Yankees and damn Yankees.

How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.

Knows what, "Well I Suwannee !!" means.

Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits !!

A good dog is worth its weight in gold.

Real gravy don't come from the store.

When "by and by" is.

How to handle their "pot likker".

The difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece".

The differences between a redneck and a good ol' boy.

Never to go snipe hunting twice.

At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice.

Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows.

You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.

A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up.

Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.

Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

AMAZING BATTLESHIP SALVO - ALL 16 INCH GUNS IN ACTION FIRING TO BOTH SIDES SIMULTANEOUSLY! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/182471.html

STRANGE WATER FUN - HUGE LAKE FLOAT COMPLEX - DIVING PLATFORMS - BOUNCY FUN - CRAZY WATER TRAILS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/182215.html

FAILED VEHICLE CONCEPTS - 1938 PHANTOM CORSAIR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/182246.html

OCEAN SAILING DANGERS - TINY SAILBOAT - FISHING VESSEL UNDER THE HUGE BOW OF COMMERCIAL CONTAINER SHIP! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/182256.html

STRANGE TRAFFIC DANGERS - SUV PULLS INTO PARKING LOT - DRIVES ON TOP TO 2 SMALLER CARS - BACKS UP INTO PARKING SPACE - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/182127.html

FARM FUN - STRANGE MILK PITCHER - WITH UDDERS! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/182427.html

STRANGE CELEB COMPARISON - JENNIFER ANISTON'S LEG vs ANGELINA JOLIE - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/181999.html

DAVID LETTERMAN'S TOP 10 REASONS MEN PREFER GUNS TO WOMEN! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/182000.html

STRANGE OCEAN DANGERS AND INHABITANTS - STRANGE SMILEY MANTA RAY AT AQUARIUM GLASS - HEY KID - GIVE ME A HUG! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/182017.html

STRANGE CUSTOM RACERS AND SPECIAL COMPETITION VEHICLES - 1966 PONTIAC SCORPION CONCEPT - GULL-WING FLIP TOP - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/182083.html

FAILED VEHICLE CONCEPTS - 1982 CADILLAC CIMARRON - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/182243.html

STRANGE MORNING SHORELINE RAINBOW - AMAZING! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/182455.html

STRANGE FISHING FUN - HOT YOUNG LADY CATCHES NICE BIG NORTHERN PIKE - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181896.html

STRANGE FIRE MONSTER PATIO FIRE PIT - SCARY - FEED ME! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/182659.html

STRANGE CUSTOM ICE CREAM TRUCK - SIDE VIEW - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/181881.html

TRAFFIC COP DIRECTS STRANGE PINK BARBIE BOBCAT EXCAVATOR DRIVEN BY PINK CLAD BLONDE BARBIE ! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/182604.html

WEATHER DANGERS - HUGE WAVES CRASH AROUND LIGHTHOUSE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/182451.html

OLDE GAS STATIONS - 1938 GAS PRICE SIGN - DETAIL $.20 CENT COST BREAKDOWN! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/182456.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week -

content/category/100031_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- 10 Strangest Flight Attendant Stories - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/182257.html

- Strange Golf Stories - 2012 Masters Double Eagle by Oosthuizen - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/182616.html

- 20 Cities With Strange Names and the Stories Behind Them - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/155168.html

- The Strange Summer Jobs of 23 Famous People - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/155248.html

- Top 10 Strange College Courses - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/156602.html

- The Difference Between College Football In the South and the North - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/156611.html

- 8 Wedding Traditions - The Strange Origins - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/157217.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week -

content/category/109_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!
a

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Sonntag, 22. April 2012

VIBRATORS BATTERIES INCLUDED ORIG UK PUNK NM/NM 12" LP VINYL

eBay - New & used electronics, cars, apparel, collectibles, sporting goods & more at low prices

VOL 1105 - April 22, 2012 - The Strange Unofficial Drivers Test/Quiz

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Spring Fun !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_3236.html
NEW! - STRANGE CIRCUS FREAKS & ODDITIES

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/news_524.html
STRANGE OFFICE BUILDINGS - CUBE FUN - CUBE WARS - CUBE CRAZY

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_8211.html
1950 CHEVROLET CLUB COUPE - 437 ORIGINAL ACTUAL MILES! - AND A FEW OTHER 1950 CARS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_3000.html
STRANGE PORT-A-JOHNS & OUTHOUSES!

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/news_7588.html
AMAZING MILITARY CAMOUFLAGE!

==================================

Strange "Male Perspectives on Marriage"

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Unofficial Drivers Test/Quiz

We've all seen it. People change when they get behind the wheel of a car.
So now, to profile your personality, here is the special Driving Test...

1: Which part of your car wears out most often?
a: the wiper blades
b: the belts
c: the horn

2: Automatic door locks are good for...
a: security
b: convenience
c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in

3: I hate the rain because...
a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions
b: I answered (a) to question #1
c: I just washed my car

4: Please select the statement that best describes you.
a: I have never written in the dust on someone's car
b: I have written "wash me" in the dust on someone's car
c: I have drawn genitalia in the dust on someone's car

5: The "bright" setting on your headlights is for...
a: dark, poorly lit roads
b: flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c: revenge!

6: I have enough power in my car stereo system to...
a: get it loud enough to drown out road noise
b: get it headbanging loud for my Metallica CD
c: cause permanent hearing loss to anyone within ten feet

7: How many times have you been pulled over for speeding in the last year?
a: zero or one, because I'm generally a safe driver
b: two or three, because I've had some unlucky breaks
c: before or after they took my license away?

8: What hand gesture do you use most while driving?
a: "go ahead"
b: "thank you"
c: "@#!*&%^!"

9: When a bicyclist is next to you, you should...
a: be aware of them
b: speed up and get past them
c: open the door

10: Your rear view mirror is for...
a: watching for approaching cars
b: watching for approaching police cars
c: checking your hair

11: If you are driving and you begin to feel very sleepy, you should...
a: pull off to the side of the road and rest
b: stop at the next convenience mart and get a liter of coffee or Mountain Dew
c: drive faster

12: The Highway Patrol exists to...
a: ensure the safety of all motorists
b: issue as many tickets as possible
c: keep donut shops in business

13: You are supposed to signal a turn or lane change...
a: 50 feet prior
b: 25 feet prior
c: right after you do it

14: If I had a lot of money, I'd spend it on...
a: a minivan
b: a really cool sports car or 4-wheeler
c: bail

15: The best thing about a chauffered limousine is...
a: I don't have to drive
b: I can stretch out, relax, and have a drink
c: leaning out the open sunroof and shouting at and/or flashing people

How to score the quiz:

Give yourself one point for every A, two for every B, and three for
every C. Tally up the points and consult the list below.

15-24 Points
You're a good driver. You watch the speed limit, remain calm, and
observe not only the rules of the road, but also the etiquette. And
since you drive so safely and so politely, you'll live a long time.
Long enough to decelerate with each passing decade until you're one of
those old people in a big car, going ten miles under the speed limit
in the fast lane and pissing all the rest of us off.

25-35 Points
Hey! Joe Average! You're a decent driver without being boring. You
get where you're going fast without too much danger. In fact, you're
the type of person we all like to ride with. Well, all of us except
your mother, because "you're going too fast! Watch out for that car
in front of you! You're going to kill us all!"

36-45 Points
Remember in driver's education class when they told us to drive
defensively? You're the reason.

==================================

Mittwoch, 18. April 2012

VOL 1104 - April 18, 2012 - Strange Facts About Inventions and Inventors

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Spring Fun !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/news_3777.html
TROUBLE WITH UMPIRES - REFEREES - OFFICIALS - LINESMEN - COACH !!!!!!!

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_6960.html
MOTORCYCLES WITH STRANGE SIDECARS AND TRAILERS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_10603.html
STRANGE COMMEMORATIVE STAMPS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - STARS - CELEBS - ROCK STARS - OLD TV SERIES - RACE CAR DRIVERS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/news_7062.html
STRANGE RUSSIAN MILITARY STUFF - STRANGE RUSSIAN PIG LAUNCH

==================================

Strange Gravestone Quotes:

"That's All Folks!"
The Man of a Thousand Voices - Mel Blanc
(Hollywood Memorial Park; Hollywood, California)

Truth and History.
21 Men.
The Boy Bandit King --
He Died As He Lived.
William H. Bonney "Billy the Kid"
(Fort Sumner Cemetery; Fort Sumner New Mexico)

Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime - Dean Martin
( Westwood Memorial Cemetery, Los Angeles, California)

Shed not for her the bitter tear
Nor give the heart to vain regret
Tis but the casket that lies here
The gem that filled it sparkles yet
Belle Starr - (Myra Maybelle Shirley)
(Belle Star Cabin; Porum, Oklahoma)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Facts About Inventions and Inventors

Strange Facts About Inventions and Inventors

In 1894, Lord Kelvin predicted that radio had no future; he also predicted that heavier-than-air flying machines were impossible.

The word "sneaker" was coined by Henry McKinney, an advertising agent for N.W. Ayer & Son.

Charles Macintosh invented the waterproof coat, the Mackintosh, in 1823.

Air-filled tyres were used on bicycles before they were used on motorcars.

The paperclip was invented by Norwegian Johann Vaaler.

Music was sent down a telephone line for the first time in 1876, the year the phone was invented.

Optical fiber was invented in 1966 by two British scientists called Charles Kao and George Hockham working for the British company Standard Telecommunication.

Joseph Niepce developed the world's first photographic image in 1827.

The first neon sign was made in 1923 for a Packard dealership.

The first vending machine was invented by Hero of Alexandria in the first century. When a coin was dropped into a slot, its weight would pull a cork out of a spigot and the machine would dispense a trickle of holy water.

The can opener was invented 48 years after cans were introduced.

The hair perm was invented in 1906 by Karl Ludwig Nessler of Germany.

Leonardo da Vinci never built the inventions he designed.

Traffic lights were used before the advent of the motorcar.

The Monopoly game was invented by Charles Darrow in 1933. He sold the rights to George Parker in 1935, then aged 58. Parker invented more than 100 games, including Pit, Rook, Flinch, Risk and Clue.

One hour before Alexander Graham Bell registered his patent for the telephone in 1876, Elisha Gray patented his design. After years of litigation, the patent went to Bell.

Thomas Edison filed 1,093 patents, including those for the light bulb, electric railways and the movie camera. When he died in 1931, he held 34 patents for the telephone, 141 for batteries, 150 for the telegraph and 389 patents for electric light and power.

The first fax process was patented in 1843.

Count Alessandro Volta invented the first battery in the 18th century.

During the 1860s, George Leclanche developed the dry-cell battery, the basis for modern batteries.

==================================

High shopping

Take your time and have a look ! They have a good sale for you: fagele.com,it is where amazing happen!

It is an online shop ,quick delivery and good aftersale service!

I have bought a Canon EOS 7D ,really like it .

The most important is that they accept Paypal ,safe for all of us

click here or fagele.com

Sonntag, 15. April 2012

High shopping

Take your time and have a look ! They have a good sale for you: fagele.com,it is where amazing happen!

It is an online shop ,quick delivery and good aftersale service!

I have bought a Canon EOS 7D ,really like it .

The most important is that they accept Paypal ,safe for all of us

click here or fagele.com

VOL 1103 - April 15, 2012 - Strange Answers Given on a Bible Knowledge Test

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

A Tribute to Spring Fun !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/news_10080.html
STRANGE CARNIVAL COSTUMES AND PARADE FLOATS - WILD!

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_10047.html
CHILD LABOR HORROR STORIES - EARLY 1900'S PICTURES - COAL MINES - MANUFACTURING - MILLS - NEWSBOYS

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/news_10477.html
STRANGE WORKPLACE ACTION GIF'S - GOOFY OFFICE PROBLEMS - STRANGENESS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_8164.html
NEW - STRANGE OLDE TATTOOS - CLASSIC AND VINTAGE EXAMPLES

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"I really need a gin and tonic." - Camilla Parker Bowles

"My great-grandmother was your great-great-grandfather's mistress, so how about it?"
Camilla Parker Bowles

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are." - Matt Lauer

"I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands." - Dudley Moore

"The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it." - Dudley Moore

"There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there." - Colonel Sanders

"It's just a show. It's not the end of Western Civilization. It's chewing gum." - Jerry Springer

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Answers Given on a Bible Knowledge Test

Noah's wife was Joan of Ark.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.

Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.

The seventh commandment is "thou shalt not admit adultery."

Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

The people who followed Jesus were called Decibels.

The espistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the opossums was St. Matthew.

Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Herrod.

Paul preached acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

David fought the Finkelsteins, which a race of people who lived in Bible times.

The Jews had trouble throughout their history with unsympathic Genitals.

A Christian should have only one wife, this is called monotony.

==================================

Freitag, 13. April 2012

[b3ta] "Gay buses spread HGV virus claim Christians"

This Week:
* ENNUI - The travails of Henri le chat
* GOATSE - but the good kind
* FRIDAY 13TH - Mentioned only three times

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're slapping our
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | tummies and going
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| wobble wobble wobble"

B3ta email 524 - 13th April 2012

Read this in PKZIP format on Windows 3.1:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue524

Win : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
UnWin : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
William Hill Casino - free £150 credit

Fancy a quick game of poker? William Hill has a
great deal on where you get £150 credit for
signing up. That's free money - you either
gamble it and lose it (you've lost nothing) or
you gamble and win (and cash your winnings).
You literally can't lose.
http://bit.ly/HFn1lM

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Dog, Arse, Eyes & Egg.

>> Bad Ass Dog <<
"Recently we made a cat video that did quite
well," explains Ornsack. "Now we've made a dog
video so we can see which animal is the best
once and for all!" Say, that's a bad ass dog!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bad_Ass_Dog

>> Arsebishop <<
"I spent my rainy Easter weekend creating a
little game," laments Bagpuss. "Hopefully you
will have whole seconds of pleasure from it."
Can you tell the difference between a bishop
and a hairy man-arse, as the game tries its
damnedest to stitch you up every time?
http://arsebishop.com

>> Wall of Sheep's eyes <<
That's long-time b3tan Sheep's eyes, of course.
"It's a sort-of-animation, but also
sort-of-interactive thing," he explains. "Oh,
and it's a bit sinister. Thanks to Cadavre
Exquis for coding help."
http://sheepfilms.co.uk/interact/eyes.htm

>> Alien: The Easter Edition <<
Alien's pretty much a gift for Easter; you've
got the eggs and the, uh, the fourth film is
called Resurrection and, um. Anyway, "I've made
an Easter-themed parody of Alien," writes
Cap'n, who has really pulled out the stops for
this. "Arguably NSFW, if your work doesn't like
chocolately gore."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Alien_The_Easter_Edition

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Screengrabbing without Photoshop

You want to share a section your screen on the
internet or stick it in a Word document. You
press Print Screen. You open Photoshop. You
paste it in. You crop it to get the bit you
want. You export for web to get the file size
down. What an utter faff! Imagine this could
be done with just a couple of clicks and no
Adobe bloatware? Well, now it can. Download
Dowce for free...
http://www.dowce.com/

-------------------------------------------------

AMAZON TROLL CORNER - Veet for Men Hair Removal.
The first customer review is worth a quick look.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000KKNQBK/b3ta-21

-------------------------------------------------

: HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH
Just the fax ma'am

* ITALY - Friday the 17th is considered unlucky
to our Roman cousins - even once renaming a
popular Hollywood film, "Shriek – Do You Have
Something to Do on Friday the 17th"

* GREECE - Whereas the Greeks get the
heebie-jeebies about Tuesday the 13th.

* THE RAP COMMUNITY - Tupac was pronounced dead
on September 13, 1996. If he'd lived he'd now
be 41 and rapping about the importance of using
ISAs to save and where to move to get his
kids into a good school.

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Terrified!

We wanted your moments of utter terror, glued
to the spot, pants filled with poo:
http://b3ta.com/questions/terrified/

* AT LEAST HE DIDN'T MENTION STAR WARS - "I'm a
journalist interviewing Temuera Morrison, the
actor who played Jake The Muss in Once Were
Warriors; arguably the scariest character to
grace the silver screen. So I've spent a day on
set watching Morrison work, chatting away when
we could and being thoroughly charmed by
someone who's not only professional but a
lovely guy. At the end I thanked him for his
time and confessed I'd been somewhat worried
about the interview having watched Once Were
Warriors at the weekend as part of my research.
"Why?" he asked. "Because you were so bloody
frightening as Jake..." and in a heartbeat,
Morrison's entire demeanor changed. He went
livid with rage, veins popped out on his
forehead and he leaned across the table until
he was about two inches from my face and
snarled: "What. The. FUCK! Do you mean by
that!!!" I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I
just sat there thinking, "This is how I die."
Then Morrison sat back with a huge grin on his
face and said: "See that? That's called
acting!" Give that man an Oscar... and give me
a new pair of pants." (difficultchild)

* RUN - "I was once walking home at night
behind a woman. She started walking faster in
that 'trying not to look like you're walking
fast' way. I picked up my speed a bit, too. She
then started walking even faster and so did I.
Then she broke into a gentle jog, and when I
did as well she went into an all-out sprint. By
that time we were only about 200 metres from my
house, but when I got home I was out of breath
and sweating. To this day I don't know what we
were running from. (Ghoti Fingers)

* NEPHRECTOMY - "As a young, uncircumcised boy
with perhaps one pubic hair, I remember being
told about wanking and having a little fumbling
fiddle in bed that night. Problem was that I'd
always had a rather tight foreskin and after a
few minutes my foreskin retracted for the first
time and out popped my never-seen-before bell
end. I thought I'd broken my penis - to my
terrified young mind, my kidney had found its
way out of my body. I cried myself to sleep
convinced God was punishing this little
Catholic for his sins." (emadex)

>> This Week - Twattery <<
It's just an excuse to get you to tell us about
people that get on your tits again, but, still,
twats:
http://b3ta.com/questions/twattery/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Vandalised Daily Telegraph <<
Proper lols from the Tippex-spattered front
pages of Britain's second-favourite right-wing
broadsheet. "Giant tit poster inside!"
http://www.dailytorygraph.com/

>> Toilet paper Old Masters <<
This lady whiles away long plane journeys by
locking herself in the lavatory and pretending
to be a 16th Century Dutch painting. Guess it
beats Solo Mile High Club frequent flyer points.
http://bit.ly/sOWZLJ

>> Amazing 1k Javascript <<
The coding equivalent of contortionism, as
designers try to fit something excellent into
just 1k of data. Check out the romantic
javascript sunset!
http://t.co/ujG0oXjN

>> The man behind goatse <<
Or rather the man in front of goatse, or
rather... eh. Anyway, Gawker tracks down the
man whose gaping ass haunted your mid-2000s web
nightmares. SFW, although anything you click on
subsequently probably won't be.
http://gaw.kr/HxxcsG

>> The Brian Sewell soundboard! <<
The supremely plummy-voiced fine art curmudgeon
now does the bidding of your very own fingers!
What would you have him say??
http://bit.ly/dzL7fS

>> Txts from a dog <<
A dog and his owner communicate mainly via
texting each other - funnier than it sounds!
http://textsfromdog.tumblr.com

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Imagine if telly cost £40 a month and only the
people who own the transmitters get paid.

* HOW THE BLIND USE AN iPHONE - Surprisingly
effective and we're planing to poke our own
eyes out so we can try this interface too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0nvdiRdehw

* EXISTENTIAL CAT - despair, angst, absurdity,
alienation, and bits of string. Oh the life of
Henri le chat.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Henri_a_lennui

* IF FACEBOOK WERE INVENTED IN THE 90s - some
nice retro stylings here. A series that could
run and run. Apply the same formula to YouPorn
- lol it's a 2 hour wait to d/l an animated gif
of Pamela Anderson for more formulaic lols.
http://bit.ly/IDlUkD

* ADVERT VOICE OVER HUMOUR - re-voicing ads is
comedy 101. People should do more of it.
http://bit.ly/ItRke2

* ULTRA-SLOW KATE BUSH WUTHERING HEIGHTS -
delightful way to spend 36 minutes should you
be waiting to come up on LSD. You can
appreciate every note of her famous melody.
http://bit.ly/J5YJLY

* CATS ARE CUNTS - and if you ever needed proof:
http://bit.ly/Iy3YKl

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Still not funny. Don't read it.

* HOSPITAL 'LOLS' - Check out the name of the
hospital this guy was taken to.
http://bit.ly/HhdccK

* PORTMANTEAU - With the gas-heating /
gash-eating URL lols we think our faves are:
1. http://www.progasheating.co.uk/
2. http://www.welshgasheating.co.uk/
3. http://www.northerngasheating.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: THE METAFILTER FAT TEST
'Renoroc Penile/Podiatry Visual Test'

A good test for a man is to look down while
taking a shower:
If you can see your penis and your feet without
sucking in your gut, you are healthy
If you can't see your penis, you are overweight
If you can't see your feet, you are obese.
We can't see our feet over our penis.
http://bit.ly/HZOv1R

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Lots of variations on Pong

Possibly our favourite is Epilepsy Pong which
makes the screen flash horribly. If they ever
make V2 our ideas include:
A. SCREAMING PONG - like pong but with the
sounds of screams.
B. YOU'RE PONG NOW - You play the ball and not
the bat.
C. PONG FOR EUROPE - With vaguely UKIPy Terry
Wogan commentary.
http://www.pippinbarr.com/games/pongs/Pongs.html

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Skeletons Challenge

Last week we wanted you to celebrate bones.

Your favourites included:

* GOATSE - from back when shock sites were
single images and not video. Those were the
days, my internet friends. (polished turd)
http://b3ta.com/board/10735363

* ORVILLE THE DUCK - FACT: also tours as an
adult show called 'Duck Off' (kung-fu womble)
http://b3ta.com/board/10735428

* STATUS QUO - so-named after Francis Rossi
flicked through a dictionary. Lucky they
weren't called Dinosaur. Or Plinth. Or Clogs.
(Little Animal Disaster)
http://b3ta.com/board/10735904

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/Skeletons/

>> New challenge: New Hoax <<
We've all seen Shark vs Helicopter and know it
isn't real, so it's about time there were some
new hoax photos on the web.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/Hoax/popular/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* B3TA GOATSE - Best of B3ta's alternative
Olympic logos, used without irony by Newmarket
Town Council.
http://i.imgur.com/vvqku.jpg

* FURTIVE BED - pleased to see our classic
donation icon still inspires. Yay for Smash
Monkey for producing this. Hopefully it won't
get too spunky.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10742112

* JOEL DOES YET ANOTHER CRUSHER AD - and they
say jobs for life disappeared with the
deindustrialisation of the UK and the mass
privatisations of public companies.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Crusha_Breakdancing_Kittens

* BIG BABIES RIP - Marts writes, "Sadly Big
Babies was told it was to be no more yesterday.
New commissioners etc. But thanks to those who
digged it on here. We are a tad gutted as we
thought we were finally onto something. But
hey. We are trying to go out with a bang."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/BBC_Big_Babies_RIP

* MOVIE DEAL FOR JARED EARLE - he writes,
"Me and my pals have got a movie deal for
our 20-year-old RPG, SLA Industries."
http://nightfall.co/368/sla-industries-news.html

* THINGU IS NOW CLAYCAT'S THING - "I got into
legal trouble from the Pingu people," admits
leehardcastle, creator of the gory claymation
Thing parody. "I had take down the original
video and then remake it again with a cat. So,
am planning to do a series of these as THINGU
did so well."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Claycats_THE_THING

* CRAP TANK Mk II - "As people here have been
so nice, I thought i'd pop up my latest Crap
Tank video in the hope that it raises a smile
or two," beams JamHamster. The eponymous
remote-controlled war machine is now properly
menacing and has a turret-mounted BB gun.
http://bit.ly/IldlZn

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* A GUIDE TO ALL MEDIA - author John Lanchester
suggests that The Economist is a fascinating
read as long as you skip the bit in every story
that says "and the solution is the free
market". He's utterly right - any other
genuinely insightful tips to detoxify bias in
media?

* A BUILT-IN LIGHT FOR THE KINDLE - insane that
one has to be bought separately making the
whole device bulkier and more awkward. They
could make the rim smaller too and call it the
slightly punning, "Kindle Light".

* E-INK COVERS FOR KINDLES / IPHONES - we miss
books having covers that broadcast what you are
reading to other people on the Tube etc. Please
fix this, oh capitalist overlords.

(As you can see, we've been reading a lot of
Kindle this week. Or the Amazon Swindle as
Richard Stallman calls it. Our favourite thing
is to grab the free 14 days subs to magazines /
newspapers, then remember to cancel before we're
charged.)

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Friends: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Bastards: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @WightHot, WiL,
Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, Pig Traverse,
AudioToast, NJtoTX, CopyBeard, iamdrdee, chulk607,
Harry Webshiter, @andysith.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
We <3 Matt Round
Top Tip via (username failed moderation)
Subjlols via benito vaselini.

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSOR B3TA
Buy some ad space oh lovely people.

If you enjoy B3ta then please consider
advertising with us. Maybe you're sitting on a
huge corporate budget and can syphon a bit off
for your favourite internet newsletter? Think
of it as a tax on your boss for making you work
too hard.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
MEN: Are you a tit man, or an arse man? In
Sainsburys, if you're an arse man, start off on
the far left, as most shoppers do, and follow
along the aisles in order to stare at arses.
If you're a tit man, start off in the second
aisle; other shoppers will always be walking
towards you.
WOMEN: Do your shopping online.

__._,_.___

Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic

Messages in this topic (1)

Recent Activity:

New Members 11

Visit Your Group

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use

__,_._,___

Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike

Sonntag, 29. April 2012

VOL 1107 - April 29, 2012 - Strange Questions That The Smithsonian Musem has Received

Freitag, 27. April 2012

[b3ta] "Brogrammers: coders who love bro-jobs"

Mittwoch, 25. April 2012

VOL 1106 - April 25, 2012 - Strange Things a True Southerner Knows

Sonntag, 22. April 2012

VIBRATORS BATTERIES INCLUDED ORIG UK PUNK NM/NM 12" LP VINYL

VOL 1105 - April 22, 2012 - The Strange Unofficial Drivers Test/Quiz

Mittwoch, 18. April 2012

VOL 1104 - April 18, 2012 - Strange Facts About Inventions and Inventors

High shopping

Sonntag, 15. April 2012

High shopping

VOL 1103 - April 15, 2012 - Strange Answers Given on a Bible Knowledge Test

Freitag, 13. April 2012

[b3ta] "Gay buses spread HGV virus claim Christians"

Cool Stuff from Amazon

Blog-Archiv