Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: April 2013

Sonntag, 28. April 2013

VOL 1211 - April 28, 2013 - Strange Combat for Dummies

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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APRIL FUN
Time For Some Strange Fun !

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

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NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_10510.html
NOMINEES FOR PARENT(S) OF THE YEAR! - THESE KIDS WILL BE LUCKY TO GROW UP!

http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/news_1549.html
KIDS HAVING FUN WITH SPORTS

http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/news_10025.html
STRANGE & UNUSUAL WEDDING DRESSES - FROM CRAZY TO CASUAL TO SPECTACULAR!

http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/news_182.html
MOMS AND THEIR LITTLE BRATS

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Strange "Money" Quotes:

"Early to bed and early to rise -- till you get enough money to do otherwise." - Peter's Almanac

"God is on everyone's side … and in the last analysis, he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies. - Jean Anouilh (1910-87), French playwright

University President: "Why is it that you physicists always require so much expensive equipment? Now the Department of Mathematics requires nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers...and the Department of Philosophy is better still. It doesn't even ask for erasers."- Isaac Asimov (1920-92), Russian-born American scientist, writer

"The only reason to have money is to tell any SOB in the world to go to hell." - Humphrey Bogart, American actor

"The surest way to get rid of a bore is to lend money to him." - Paul Louis Courier

"Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends." - Larry Wilde

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Combat for Dummies

Combat for Dummies

Advice and instructions taken from actual military sources. Some of these guys must have had a sense of humor

"Aim towards the enemy."
--Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
--U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
--USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
--Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
--Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
--U.S. Air Force manual

"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
--Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways."
--U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
--Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
--David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
--Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
--Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once."
--Anon

"Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do."
--Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
--Infantry Journal

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
--USAF Ammo Troop

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE SHOOTING ACCIDENT - BLONDE GIRL FIRING .9 MM AUTOMATIC HAS HOT SHELL CASING EJECTED DOWN HER BLOUSE! OUCH! - FUNNY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187952.html

STRANGE TANK SPEEDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY CRUSHING CARS! - FUN ACTION GIF - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/187826.html

SOLDIERS DUCK BECAUSE OF NEARBY EXPLOSION - SHRAPNEL HITS BUILDING NEXT TO THEIR HELMETED HEADS! - CLOSE CALL ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187891.html

STRANGE TREES AND PARKS AROUND THE WORLD - AMAZING ROOT STRUCTURE CLIMBS DOWN ROCK WALL! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/187720.html

STRANGE OLDE TOY REPLICA MODELS CARS -1920 AUSTIN - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187852.html

THE GM CAR THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED THE CORVETTE - 1954 OLDS ROCKET F88 - REAR - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/187917.html

TOP 10 LARGEST MILITARY AIRPLANES - BOEING B-29 SUPERFORTRESS - #7 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/187935.html

BASEBALL DANGERS - BLUE JAYS IN DUGOUT DUG AS FOUL BALL SALES THRU AS THEY SCATTER! - AMAZING ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187942.html

THE WEDDING MORON STRIKES - IDIOT GROOMSMAN KICKS TOSSED BRIDES BOUQUET JUST AS BRIDESMAIDS TRY TO GRAB IT. EVERY WEDDING HAS AT LEAST ONE! 3 SHOT SEQUENCE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187943.html

GWYNETH PALTROW AND HER SCANDALOUS DRESS AT THE IRONMAN PREMIER - WOW! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/187945.html

STRANGE AUTO CONCEPTS - 1939 MARS EXPRESS - 1ST HYBRID CAR! - GAS MOTOR WITH ROCKET BACK-UP! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187947.html

STRANGE SPIRAL CLIFF-SIDE STAIRCASE - GOES UP OVER 20 STORIES! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/187948.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN JET POWERED MONORAIL AEROTRAIN - SVL - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/187949.html

WORLDS LARGEST BASEBALL PLAYER - 450 LBS -1908 CITIZEN'S BASEBALL TEAM, EMPORIUM, PA - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/187950.html

STRANGE OLDE MILITARY AIRCRAFT PICTURE - 1986 - 3 GERMAN LUFTWAFFE F-104'S OVER MANHATTAN - WORLD TRADE CENTER TOWER IN THE BACKGROUND! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/187951.html

STRANGE F-82 TWIN MUSTANG - TWO BODIES ATTACHED! LAST PISTON-ENGINE FIGHTER - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/187691.html

FARM FUN - STRANGE JEEP CJ ATTACHMENTS - FRONT LOADER AND BACKHOE - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/187953.html

LINDSEY LOHAN DOES HER MARILYN MONROE SUBWAY GRATE WIND IMPERSONATION - FUNNY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187954.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SUPER HERO'S - SEXY TV & MOVIE STARS - VILLAINS - CARTOON MUTANTS - WONDER WOMAN - BATMAN - X-MEN

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/101305_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Best Places to Retire in the US and What's STRANGE About Them! - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/187913.html

Strange Uses For The Amazing Cucumber! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/182262.html

20 Greatest Unsolved Mysteries in the World - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/181593.html

The Strange Family of Vincent van Gogh! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/179744.html

Strange Numbers Fun - Calculate Your Birth Number - Find Out Who You Are Like! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/177094.html

Top 10 Stupid Celebrity Baby Names - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/176428.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SUPER HERO'S - SEXY TV & MOVIE STARS - VILLAINS - CARTOON MUTANTS - WONDER WOMAN - BATMAN - X-MEN

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/110_1.html

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Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

GOLF - COURSES - TOURNEYS - PROFESSIONALS - http://www.strangeGolf.com/

YOUR FAVORITE ACTION GIF'S AND OPTICAL ILLUSIONS- http://www.strangeFunVideos.com/

LEISURE DESTINATIONS AND TRAVEL http://www.strangeVacations.com/

RACE CARS AND OTHER VEHICLES - DRAGSTER - BIKES http://www.strangeRacer.com/

BLONDE CELEBS AND ROCK STARS - Tanks http://www.strangeBlondes.com/

COLLEGE STUFF - DORMS - FRATS - BAR LIFE http://www.strangeCollege.com/

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Freitag, 26. April 2013

[b3ta] "Fuck off, we're watching the snooker"

This Week:
* DAFT PUNK - shredded
* STAR WARS - in 60 seconds
* SPOONS - played to old rave tunes

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving your wanky
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | tissues for entry into
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| the Turner Prize"

B3ta email 578 - 26 Apr 2013

Read this issue with a braille enabled penis:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue578

Kissy kissy : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Hissy pissy : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: AMAZON TAT
Sponsored, well affiliate tat

* CANVAS PRINT OF ABANDONED MICROWAVE - We need
to buy a microwave to reheat cups of tea and
this came up in an Amazon search. Nice.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B008TA6D9A/b3ta-21

* MIDI GUITAR INTERFACE - Oh, and here's
something actually worth buying if you like
fiddling with music. It's utterly delightful to
be able to play guitar and spit midi out.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B005PM4UK4/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK

>> Is this real?!?!?!? <<
Google Earth and Facebook are linking up, to
show everybody your location and your datas??
"It's not real," confesses somegreybloke, but
there's some fun to be had by forwarding to the
paranoid and easily-enraged.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Is_this_real:8

>> "I Lived With John Humphrys" <<
"I lived with John Humphrys for two years,"
claims Paint My Album, the quotation marks
immunising *us* from any legal action taken by
the snow-haired Radio 4 titan. "He was a total
nightmare."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Lived_With_John_Humphrys

>> Goobly Heads <<
Some sort of weird money-spinning scheme by
claymation maestro Lee Hardcastle. We didn't
understand, but enjoyed seeing a wide variety
of ghastly characters strut their stuff.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/goobly_heads

>> 2p or not 2p? <<
"I finished this at 3.30 this morning!"
exclaims Q4nobody. A celebration of the Bard's
birthday, with a total monetary value of £7.84.
http://www.earlyshakespeare.com/2p.html

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Travel

Last week we wanted your stories of trips that
didn't go quite as well as you had expected:
http://b3ta.com/questions/travel/

* KIDNAPPED - "Walking down Boulevard du 30
Juin because the taxis in central Kinshasa
have a pretty poor reputation, a car pulled up
next to me. The passenger flashed a police ID
and asked for mine. He said to get in as he
needed to check on my place of residence. I
wasn't too concerned - until, at the next
corner two other guys got in and sandwiched me
in the back, before taking off in the wrong
direction. The Boulevard has police at every
junction and traffic moves very slowly, but I
knew that if we left it I could be in trouble.
I needed to get out and I needed a plan. As
surreptitiously as possible, I put my hand in
my pocket and palmed my XDA stylus - 4 inches
of steel, sharp, and handy when you need
something to stick in somebody's neck. That
was for the guy on my right. The guy on the
left was about to have his ear bitten off.
Ears are great, they piss blood everywhere and
create enough mayhem to escape. All very Andy
McNab, but no way were we leaving the
Boulevard with me still in that car. The next
junction was manned by traffic cops and we
were turning left so it was time for action.
Part of me was aghast at what I was about to
do next. Yes, I really did it. I leant across
the bloke on my left and screamed like a girl,
pounding on the window. The cops looked in
shock at this dignity-free white man and ran
over, distracting the kidnappers. I took this
as an opportunity to scramble out, pausing
only to pluck my passport from the guy in the
front seat." (strongp)

* ACCENTS - "At the end of a month-long
business trip to Ukraine, three of us were
celebrating our successes with our translator,
Oleg. He was a dignified, elderly gentleman
who commanded respect and even deference in
every native we met. As the vodka flowed, Oleg
spoke up, 'I'd like to do my party piece.' We
expected a song or one of those interminable
Russian poems, but Oleg had different plans.
Turning to my boss, he said, 'Donald, you are
lowland Scots, you went to a public school
where they tried to change your accent, you've
lived for a long time in London.' We clapped -
he'd got it exactly right! Turning to Paul, he
said, 'You are a North London boy born and
bred, I'd say Enfield?' We were stunned. 'It
was once my business to know this,' he
explained. 'I was a colonel in the KGB, I
taught accents to our operatives in the
sixties and seventies.'" (Captain Placid)

* MUGGED - "Many moons ago the not-yet-Mrs
Airman Gabber and her group of friends got
held up at knifepoint in Amsterdam. 'Give me
20 Euros,' he demanded. They handed over the
money and the perpetrator threw down a package
and ran off. It was the biggest block of resin
they had ever seen. Way more than they could
smoke in the remainder of the trip. So they
smoked what they could and buried the rest in
the event of a return trip. That was some
aggressive drug-pushing right there." (Airman
Gabber)

>> This Week - CONTROVERSIAL BELIEFS <<
Tell us about views outside the mainstream
which make people go glassy-eyed as you bang
on about them. (Yes, your grandad's a racist -
no need to tell us, thanks)
http://b3ta.com/questions/controversialbeliefs/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Age gaps in movie relationships <<
Graphs show, while Hollywood men are allowed to
be over 40 women, basically, aren't. The
standard analysis of this would be that women
value men with power and men value women with
looks - meaning the most attractive man in the
world would be Rupert Murdoch. Are we right,
ladies?
http://bit.ly/11pJ9pb

>> Play the accordion by resizing your browser <<
Next week? Do the same with virtual pizza dough.
http://artpolikarpov.github.io/garmoshka/

>> The sound of Alexander Graham Bell. <<
Old recordings of the inventor of the telephone
have been made playable by modern technology -
and they look like CDs.
http://bit.ly/13uhh51

>> New form of music notation <<
Who would have thought there was innovation to
bring to music notation? The ideas contained
here are great - making sight reading easier.
However, we suspect it'll be a bit of Dvorak
keyboard situation - great concept but
difficult to change an established system.
Here's hoping they find some big partners
(Apple Garageband comes to mind) to make it
popular.
http://www.hummingbirdnotation.com/

>> Minimalist gifs <<
Can someone give us a couple of million quid so
we can open the Museum of Modern Gifs?
http://www.nicolasritter.com/filter/photography/One

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

>> Best of Norfolk <<
On the eve of departing for his gap year, this
eighteen-year-old records a homage to his home
county, with the fulsome cheesiness of a much
older man. Positively Partridgesque.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfHAnfNahrY

>> Drummer steals the show <<
Ecstatic percussionist lives out the frustrated
musician's dream and steals the limelight from
the lead singer. It's clearly a schtick, but
a pretty funny one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9kPfelTEds

>> Playing the spoons to old rave music <<
This is the scene, as rave fades into the great
dustbin of memory: Old men playing the spoons
to Faithless's Insomnia, in London markets.
He's actually pretty good, too.
http://youtu.be/POvLaziUsTo

>> New Daft Punk single sounds off <<
For all the anticipation, we're not sure it's
their best work. Give it another listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOlM5CDSoi8

>> If song lyrics were real <<
Charmingly daft bit of musician-mocking from
Irish comedy troupe.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/If_Songs_Were_Real

>> Star Wars Episode IV, in 60 seconds <<
Why waste your life away, watching the first
Star Wars film? You can cram every important
plot development into less than a minute, with
this nicely-drawn animation.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Star_Wars_Episode_IV

>> New Peter Serafinowicz vid <<
Peculiar, meticulously retro-tinged sci-fi from
Robert Popper and Peter Serafinowicz.
http://bit.ly/11JJlju

>> Cats like boxes <<
But do big cats like big boxes? Enterprising
zoologists work to answer the questions keeping
us all awake at night.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cats_in_boxes:2

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Hollywood Challenge

Last week we wanted you to make Hollywood
blockbusters on the cheap

Your favourites included:

* SHORT: giantess removed, classic poster
rendered less classic (blyerkit)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10954830

* PLASTIC: call for a bigger boat
misheard (Ya What?)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10954365

* MEW: re-branding MGM with a tiny
kitten, a gilded goatse and a golden
cock (HEKIM)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10956336

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hollywood/

>> New challenge: Funerals <<
Funerals are all the rage, it would seem.
So we're having a one-word challenge
devoted to them. Show us how you want to
go, redesign the funeral system, draw
ironic celebrity funerals, etc. Suggested
by HappyToast
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/funerals/

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include:

* TRICKY QUESTION ANSWERED - "If the medium is
the message, what's the message of the
internet?"

* THE STAR TREK INVENTIONS THAT WOULD EXIST
CONSIDERING THE IMPLICATIONS OF TECH - Captain
Kirk doesn't wear condoms, as Scotty beams up
the semen from point of ejaculation into a huge
sperm lagoon beneath the bridge. Or, Mmmm, the
all you can eat buffet, then transport all the
calories out of your tummy.

* IDEAS FOR INNOVATIONS AT COFFEE CHAINS -
maybe they could (optionally) sell tea at a
temperature that doesn't require 15 mins to
cool down?

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

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: WEIRD KETTLE PITCH THING

1. Go here:
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/327760839031525379

2. Turn mute off
3. Whistle approx the pitch of the kettle
4. Drop the tone of your whistle until you hear
a third tone - wobble that tone about. Odd
isn't it?

If this worked for you then you're hearing a
'Tartini tone' which is an excitingly-named
'psychoacoustic phenomena'.
http://www.patmissin.com/ffaq/q26.html

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Love us: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Shove us: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by sinisterduck,
simbosan, ‏@mikkeyuk, robneymcplum, @mikkeyuk,
@Rocker_44, ‏@mrlizard13, InflammableHound,
Sheep in Socks, dirtyscarab.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via Smash Monkey.
Top Tip via robneymcplum

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TOP TIP:
Make your iPhone battery last longer by not
getting it out all the fucking time.

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Mittwoch, 24. April 2013

VOL 1210 - April 24, 2013 - You Might be in EdIcation if....

Sonntag, 21. April 2013

VOL 1209 - April 21, 2013 - Strange Street Names in the USA

Freitag, 19. April 2013

[b3ta] "Ed Balls"

This Week:
* MOODY BLUES - Sounding As Good As Ever
* TWITTER TOOL - Without My Pants
* THATCHER - Life-size cardboard version

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | on a Blue Peter
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| stylee totaliser"

B3ta email 577 - 19th Apr 2013

Read this issue via autotune:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue577/

Yay : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Nay : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Life size cutout photo of Margaret Thatcher

If, like us, you can't control yourself with
excitement every time you hear a new policy for
fucking over the poor, selling off public
assets for pennies and tax breaks for the
rich, you'll want to celebrate in style by
having your very own life-size cardboard
Thatcher. We sleep with ours in our bed and
call her Mummy.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0071DSAQA/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Stuff & nonsense, you know the score

>> Without My Pants <<
Monkeon likes to ponder old pop culture
ephemera and wonder how to turn them into
contemporary web things. This week it's the
turn of 80s kids TV show Round The Twist.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/withoutmypants/

>> Furtive wedding ring <<
Man writes code to get the B3ta furtive bear
icon on his wedding ring. Wonder what his wife
thinks?
http://f1a.me/b3LzI

>> Dog with bed on head <<
"It's dog video," writes williamandrews, "so
kill me." Nice choice of music too.
http://bit.ly/103YqJE

>> Moody Blues - Go Now Shred <<
Black Moon, best known for his video editing
skills, has taken it on himself to attempt a
'shred' where you change the audio to a
popular video to match what you think they
might be playing. A well worn path but
effective.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Moody_Blus_Go_Now_Shred

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: GINGER FUHRER TALKS IN DUBLIN
Bottom Half of the Internet

Your esteemed newsletter editor was recently
asked to do a talk at The Story in London on
the 'Bottom Half of the Internet' - this went
down well enough for a member of the audience
to invite him to Dublin to repeat the feat. If
that's your neck of the woods then come and
say hello.
http://t.co/2wWyU6ln4C

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Funerals II

Last week we asked for more stories of funerals:
http://b3ta.com/questions/funerals2/

* CUT UP - "Mrs Spimf and I tend to be late
for most things. So it came as no surprise
some years ago when we found ourselves running
late for her Grandmother's funeral. We
bickered all the way to the church about whose
fault it was. We even hissed choice words
during the service. Then we had to get from
the church to the cemetery. Even though I had
no clue where we were going I insisted on
driving. I am a man/arsehole. This is the
natural order of things. Barreling down the
motorway Mrs Spimf muttered "you're going to
miss your exit." There was a lot of slow
traffic on the left with no gaps so like any
safe and considerate driver I simply put the
boot down to overtake the lot - only to find
the slow moving traffic was actually the
funeral cortege carrying dear old Granny. I
only realised this as I scythed across the
path of the hearse, effectively cutting up a
dead woman. Naturally we arrived first at the
cemetery, giving them plenty of opportunity to
glare at us in my highly distinctive bright
red sports car." (spimf)

* MAGIC - "My grandad was a member of the
magic circle, a certified magician. He tended
to do more children's parties than anything
Blaine-like and was well-loved and respected
for it. When he died a couple of years of ago,
my brother drove me to his cremation in
Brighton. It was pretty much the first funeral
we'd been to and the atmosphere in the car was
(as expected) quiet and sombre... right up
until my brother enquired, "Do you think
they'll saw him in half first?" We had to pull
over on the hard shoulder as we were laughing
so hard we'd have probably caused an accident
had we continued. My Grandad would have
laughed too." (UTB)

* STAR WARS - "Just watched Return Of The
Jedi. Disgusted by the distasteful scenes at
the end where everyone is celebrating the
death of Emperor Palpatine. He may have been
divisive, but he was strong and he made
decisions and stuck to them, and I think he
should get a bit of respect. He was, after
all, a little old man who died, when you
remove any other context whatsoever."
(Amorous Badger)

>> This Week - TRAVEL <<
Been somewhere nice on your hols? Fine. Good
for you. If not, tell us all about it in all
the gory detail here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/travel/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> MRI fruit <<
Magnetic resonance imaging allows doctors to
look inside bodies by cutting people into
10,000 slices but without the awkward oops
I've broken my little brother bit. But what
if people were fruit?
http://insideinsides.blogspot.co.uk/

>> Pointer video <<
Watch video whilst seeing where other viewers
are sticking their mouse. Popular now, and
might be amusing in a years time when it's
only one lonely cursor.
http://donottouch.org

>> Drawing on the sky <<
1) Look up
2) Take a picture
3) Make the sky look like a person
http://tlamadieu.wix.com/roots-art#!skyart/ck0q

>> Newspaper photobombs <<
In what hopefully isn't a viral campaign for
Metro, here's a lovely collection of commuter
heads replaced with carefully folded
newspapers.
http://bit.ly/15mJFti

>> Ronson docs <<
Here's a tip: whimsical journalist Jon Ronson
has several hours of his radio docs as MP3s on
his site. Load your phone. Go for a walk.
http://www.jonronson.com/ronsonon.html

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like Youtube but with cruddy B3ta shit round it

>> Kiss from a Rose... Improved <<
There are those that think Seal's "Kiss From A
Rose" is the greatest love song ever written
and can't be improved. These people are wrong.
The impossible has been done.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Beautiful_rendition_of_Seals_Kiss_from_a_Rose

>> Harrison Ford interviewed about Star Wars <<
Ford refuses to answer questions but creates
perfectly serviceable comedy. Nice clips, but
can we really get excited about Star Wars 7? A
franchise that hasn't made a good movie since
1983?
http://bit.ly/103YsRK

>> Washcloths in space <<
What happens when you wring out a flannel in
zero gravity? Fascinating but it's also clear
whilst floating about would be cool for
a bit, that gravity is bloody useful - things
not staying where they are put would get old
very quickly.
http://boingboing.net/2013/04/18/what-happens-when-you-wring-ou.html

>> I've just shipped my pants <<
It's an ad but it is funny and also we think
the ad doesn't really apply to a UK audience
so fuck it.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ive_just_shipped_my_pants

>> Cat vs Vacuum Cleaner <<
Who would win in a fight between a cat and
vacuum cleaner? Comedy wins, that's who.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cat_vs_Vacuum_Cleaner

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Not funny, mostly right angled

* Made up bollocks? Someone they really hate?
Or could this be possibly true?
http://bit.ly/178cLes

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Super Pets Challenge

Last week we wanted you to give superpowers
to pets. Your favourites included:

* JACKASS: seated gentleman showered with
jet-powered cat effluent
(orbojunglist)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10952410

* NUCLEAR: devastating blast from
skillfully positioned dog-do
(HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10951199

* ASSASSIN: delightful picture story from
dangerous, Pyongyang-bound pony (Fresh
Water Mole)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10952538

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/super-powered-pets/

BONUS Challenge Result: in this week of
national mourning, don't forget our
mini-challenge devoted the the UK's first
female despot
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/thatcherrip/

>> New challenge: Bankrupt Hollywood <<
Imagine a world... where all the big film
companies have their cgi and post-
production work done by B3ta for free.
Then do that work, and enter it into this
week's challenge. Suggested by
orbojunglist
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hollywood/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* TATERS GETS EXHIBITION - he writes, "If
you're one of them London folk, go to Orbital
Comics (near Leicester Square tube) over the
next month - I've got a load of pictures wot
I done in the gallery bit."
http://www.orbitalcomics.com/andrew-hickinbottom/

* NIETZCHECATS - what to do when you've run
out of Nietzsche quotes? Shardcore has, of
course, got them to read the entire text of
Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
http://nietzschecats.tumblr.com/post/47691949398/a-new-dawn

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* TEA ADS - Why can't a business give us free
cup of tea with an ad stuck on it outside the
tube instead of a rubbish right-wing newspaper?

* KILL SOMEONE WORSE THAN HITLER TIME MACHINE
DRAMA - wwe go back in time to kill Bono to
prevent U2 inspiring Coldplay. We know there's
already a filming called 'Killing Bono' but ours
would be betterer.

* SIDEBOARDS THAT DON'T FALL OFF KITCHEN WALLS
- just sharing some personal drama that
happened whilst writing this newsletter.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Cats: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Twats: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by
@MarkTyndall, ‏@Newnab, Paolo Nutini's Bikini,
Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, Chilli Heatwave,
slartifartfast, @owenblacker, legoman82,
stoodles & ccc. Image challenge by Fraser
Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Tip via
Munsta.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
A cigarette filter, a length of cotton and a
modified Barbie doll filled with red food
colouring combine to make an excellent
teaching aid for young girls entering
womanhood. A 4mm drill bit, when making the
modifications, ensures a snug fit.

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Mittwoch, 17. April 2013

VOL 1208 - April 17, 2013 - Strange Astrological Items - What's Your "Southern" Sign?

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

APRIL FUN
Time For Some Strange Fun !

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

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CHECK OUT THE NEW CELEBS CATEGORY - TV NEWSCASTERS - ANCHORS & PUNDITS! FOXY BLONDES

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DRIVING WHILE 'BLONDE' - 'SPECIAL' BLONDE ONLY EVENTS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/news_10203.html
WWI & WWII - STRANGE RAZZLE DAZZLE CAMOUFLAGE PAINT

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/news_7464.html
STRANGE FARM EQUIPMENT - TRACTORS - OLD & NEW!

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_3552.html
STRANGE VEHICLES WITH TRACKS!

==================================

Strange Golf Quotes:

These greens are so fast, I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
~ George Brett

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray

The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
~ Mickey Mantle

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
~ Kevin Costner

I don't fear death..., but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - What's Your Southern Sign?

WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN?

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are to ever fully understand all the star signs and the people they represent, we need symbols that all true Southerners understand: See the list below...

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can do something good each day if you try.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful they may surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy but seems to work for you. You are a rare breed. Most folks love to watch you work and play. You are a night person and mind your own business.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work and play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. You are pure in heart.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE OLDE MOTORCYCLES - 1928 OPEL ROCKET BIKE MOTORCYCLE - 6 ROCKET HIT 75 MPH! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/187760.html

POLICE VIDEO CAM CAPTURES BAD DRIVING KARMA - IDIOT PASSING ON THE RIGHT SHOULD AT HIGH SPEED ENDS UP WEDGED ATOP GUARD RAIL! - GREAT ACTION GIF - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/187770.html

COOL CARIBBEAN ISLAND MARKS THE POINT WHERE THE ATLANTIC OCEAN MEETS THE CARIBBEAN - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/187761.html

AUSSIE ADAM SCOTT CELEBRATES BIRDIE PUT TO WIN 2013 MASTERS CHAMPIONSHIP! - FIRST AUSSIE EVER! - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/187762.html

STRANGE LITTLE MOTOR VEHICLES - 1970'S LAMBRETTA TV-175 SCOOTER WITH MATCHING LIME GREEN SIDECAR! CONVERTIBLE TOP AND TINY LUGGAGE RACK ! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187772.html

STRANGE RIOT SQUAD ARMOR FOR HORSES! - MOUNTED PATROL NOW HAS HORSE BODY ARMOR - FACE SHIELDS AND KNEE/SHIN PROTECTION! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/187773.html

STRANGE GATHERING OF AMERICAN EAGLES IN ALTON ILLINOIS - EACH YEAR JUST NORTH OF ST. LOUIS - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/187764.html

STRANGE TV CELEBS - SEXY TV MOMS - CHRISTINA MILLER FROM SCRUBS - JORDAN SULLIVAN - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/187765.html

EXTREME MOUNTAIN BIKER DANGERS - CRAZY BIKER JUMPS OFF CLIFF OVER INBOUND LOCOMOTIVE - WILD! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/187766.html

STRANGE SHERIFF PONY - DRESSED UP AS COUNTY SHERIFF WITH COWBOY HAT & SIX GUN! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/187767.html

14 GREAT FOOD AND KITCHEN TIPS TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER AND MORE FUN! - GREAT CLEVER LIKE - http://www.strangeCOSMOS.com/content/item/187768.html

STRANGE HOCKEY GOALS - AMAZING SPINNING BACKWARDS FLIP GOAL ON PENALTY SHOT - AMAZING ACTION GIF - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/187774.html

STRANGE CUSTOM DRAGSTER - BODY IS A PAIR OF BUNK BEDS! - HUGE BLOWN V-8 - http://www.strangeRACER.com/content/item/187775.html

STRANGE SHOES AND FOOTWEAR - TOE TUNES - SLIPPERS WITH SPEAKERS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/187515.html

STRANGE TREES AND PARKS AROUND THE WORLD - GREAT 16 PICTURE COLLAGE OF THE SAME TREE THROUGH OUT THE SEASONS! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/187718.html

STRANGE TREES AND PARKS AROUND THE WORLD - AMAZING SEE THRU ROCK OUTCROPPING - BLUFF! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/187721.html

STRANGE CUSTOM BLINGED OUT LITTLE KIDS TRICYCLE - CUSTOM PIRATE PAINT JOB WITH CONTINENTAL KIT! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187756.html

GREAT SEA LEVEL SHOT OF SURFACED SUBMARINE GOING STRAIGHT AT YOU - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/187769.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SZ - FARM ANIMALS - Pigs - Cows - Sheep - Goats - Chickens - Ducks - Rabbits

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/100725_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- New Country Western Songs - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/25519.html

- More Country Western Lyrics - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/25507.html

- Country Wisdom - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/25478.html

- Y'allbonics New Southern Speech Patterns - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/25428.html

Southern Wurds - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/101291.html

Differences Between North and South - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/107875.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SZ - FARM ANIMALS - Pigs - Cows - Sheep - Goats - Chickens - Ducks - Rabbits

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

GOLF - COURSES - TOURNEYS - PROFESSIONALS - http://www.strangeGolf.com/

YOUR FAVORITE ACTION GIF'S AND OPTICAL ILLUSIONS- http://www.strangeFunVideos.com/

LEISURE DESTINATIONS AND TRAVEL http://www.strangeVacations.com/

RACE CARS AND OTHER VEHICLES - DRAGSTER - BIKES http://www.strangeRacer.com/

BLONDE CELEBS AND ROCK STARS - Tanks http://www.strangeBlondes.com/

COLLEGE STUFF - DORMS - FRATS - BAR LIFE http://www.strangeCollege.com/

==========================

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Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike

Sonntag, 28. April 2013

VOL 1211 - April 28, 2013 - Strange Combat for Dummies

Freitag, 26. April 2013

[b3ta] "Fuck off, we're watching the snooker"

Mittwoch, 24. April 2013

VOL 1210 - April 24, 2013 - You Might be in EdIcation if....

Sonntag, 21. April 2013

VOL 1209 - April 21, 2013 - Strange Street Names in the USA

Freitag, 19. April 2013

[b3ta] "Ed Balls"

Mittwoch, 17. April 2013

VOL 1208 - April 17, 2013 - Strange Astrological Items - What's Your "Southern" Sign?

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