Vol 1011 - May 29, 2011 - Memorial Day - Eulogy For a Veteran

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

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==================================

QUOTES & TOASTS of the DAY - Patriotic Toasts

"Here's to the Army and Navy, and the battles they have won. Here's to America's colors-- The colors that never run!"

"May the tree of liberty flourish round the globe, and every human being partake of its fruits."

"May noise never excite us to battle, or confusions reduce us to defeat."

"To her we drink, for her we pray, our voices silent never.
For her we'll fight -- let come what may, The Stars and Stripes forever."

"Here's to the Army and Navy, and the battles they have won. Here's to America's colors-- The colors that never run!"

"May the tree of liberty flourish round the globe, and every human being partake of its fruits."

"May noise never excite us to battle, or confusions reduce us to defeat."

"Soldiers have many faults, but they have one redeeming merit; they are never worshippers of force. Soldiers more than any other men are taught severely and systematically that might is not right. The fact is obvious. The might is in the hundred men who obey. The right (or what is held to be right) is in the one man who commands them." - Gilbert K. Chesterton

"The nation which forgets its defenders will be itself forgotten." - Calvin Coolidge

"An army of sheep led by a lion would defeat an army of lions led by a sheep." - Arabian Proverb

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - EULOGY FOR A VETERAN

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the Gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the mornings hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush of
quiet birds in circled flight,
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE CORN MAZES AND SPECIAL FARM FIELDS - McDONALD'S - McCAFE - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/174761.html

STRANGE MAPS OF THE WORLD AND USA - UFO HOT-SPOTS MAP - MOST SIGHTINGS BY STATE - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/174824.html

STRANGE PLATYPUS COMING AFTER YOU - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/174832.html

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US MILITARY HELICOPTER LOOK DOWN AT AIRCRAFT CARRIER CVN 69 DWIGHT D EISENHOWER - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/175502.html

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1948 TASCO PROTOTYPE - ONE AND ONLY! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/175866.html

DEADLIEST USA TORNADO - JOPLIN, MO - 5-22-11 - BEFORE & AFTER PIX - STREET CORNER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175941.html

MIDWEST TORNADO SEASON DANGERS 2011 - STRANGE RAINBOW AND FUNNEL CLOUD! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/175983.html

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STRANGE WOOD-BURNING AUTOS - 1930'S SEDAN - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/175996.html

HUGE MELON SIZED HAIL STONE - NORMAN OKLAHOMA THUNDERSTORM - SPRING 2011 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/176006.html

DRAMATIC VIEW OF INJECTION NEEDLE CLOSE-UP - DEFORMED TIP AFTER JUST 6 USES! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/176007.html

STRANGE HEAT RAINBOW - F-22 SILHOUETTE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/176008.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY - "SPECIAL" PICTURES AND PRESENTATIONS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100050_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange WWII Aircraft Facts and Figures - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/175505.html

WWII - Scary Facts and Figures on Air Force Training and Casualties - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/175506.html

The Infantryman - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/24171.html

Memorial Day Message - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/24416.html

A to Z a Firearms Refresher Course - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/103596.html

War is... Famous Military Quotes - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/102498.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY - "SPECIAL" PICTURES AND PRESENTATIONS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

Golf - PGA Long Hitters - Hot LPGA Stars - Crazy Courses - http://www.strangegolf.com/

Medical - Strange Cures & Diseases - Medical Equipment http://www.strangemedical.com/

Videos - Action Gif's - PPS Presentations - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/

Vacations - Travel - Trips - http://www.strangevacations.com/

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Vol 1010 - May 25, 2011 - Strange Telephone Center "Information" Calls In England

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

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==================================

Strange Quotes About "Television"

MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's. - Doug Ferrari

Dealing with network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks. - Eric Sevareid

TV is chewing gum for the eyes. - Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959)

Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work. - Gallagher

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005)

I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids. - Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Death, 1997

If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives. - Marlon Brando (1924 - 2004)

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Telephone Center "Information" Calls In England

The following are real conversations Directory Inquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Center.

Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.

Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?

Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator : Woven? Are you sure?

Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.

Operator : Where are you calling from?

Caller : The living room

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caller : The water board please.

Operator : Which department?

Caller : Tap water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Operator : How are you spelling that?

Caller : With letters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.

Operator : Do you have his name?

Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.

Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.

==================================

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==================================

STRANGE CORN MAZES AND SPECIAL FARM FIELDS - RICHARDSON FARMS - RACE TO D.C. - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/174760.html

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STRANGE MAPS OF THE WORLD AND USA - CHURCH BODIES - RELIGIONS USA BY COUNTY - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/174828.html

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RESCUE SQUAD DANGERS - MAN COVERED WITH JUMPING CHOLLA CACTUS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/175487.html

LITTLE DOG SAYS THIS TOBAGGON IS MINE! - WINTER FUN ACTION GIF - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/175663.html

BODY BUILDER COMPETITION FAKER THROWN OUT - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangeaporta.com/content/item/175752.html

RARE 9-11-01 PHOTO RELEASED - NYPD HELICOPTER - BURNING WTC TWIN TOWERS BACKGROUND - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/175830.html

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INTERESTING SIGN AIMED AT NEIGHBORHOOD CRIMINALS - MY NEIGHBOR WANTS TO BAN ALL GUNS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175893.html

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STRANGE COMMERCIAL JET PLANE FUSELAGE MOUNTAIN HOME - WITH LARGE DECK! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175904.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - BOATS - ALL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/27_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Seven of the Toughest Women in History - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/175897.html

Is CitiBank Too Stupid to be in the Credit Card Business? (Or any Business?) - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175902.html

A$$ "Emoticons" - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/113237.html

Computer Proverbs - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/109858.html

Tech Support Classics - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/109520.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - BOATS - ALL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/115_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

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HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

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Vol 1009 - May 22, 2011 - How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

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http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Animal Quotes:

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. ~Winston Churchill

Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms. ~George Eliot

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. ~Nora Ephron

An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. ~Martin Buber

Lots of people talk to animals.... Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem. ~Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh

The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch. - Michael Friedman

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's another thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners. - Jeff Stilson

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change Light Bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....

13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

15. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.
By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.

Submitted by SeaDog Bytes!

==================================

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==================================

STRANGE CORN MAZES AND SPECIAL FARM FIELDS - DAVID ARCHULETTA - UTAH'S IDOL - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/174759.html

STRANGE & UNIQUE GOLF COURSES AROUND THE WORLD - EXTREME! - THE LEGEND GOLF RESORT - WORLDS LONGEST PAR 3 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/174348.html

BEAUTIFUL COLOR CONTRAST - YELLOW FINCH AND BLUE BIRD WITH AUTUMN COLORS BEHIND - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/174837.html

F-86 - NAVAL VERSION FJ-2 FURY - SEPT 1953 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/174981.html

STRANGE & GOOFY ROYAL WEDDING MEMENTOS FROM KATE & PRINCE WM. - LEGO ROYALS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175207.html

STRANGE FARM PIGS WITH FULL BACK TATTOOS! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/175308.html

US NAVY SEALS - SPECIAL OPS - TRAINING - MKV FULLY LOADED AND UNDERWAY - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/175389.html

STRANGE SPORTS ACCIDENTS - TORONTO MAPLE LEAF GARDENS - NHL HOCKEY REF TRIPS ON CARPET - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175402.html

STRANGE MILITARY HELICOPTER NOSE AIRBASE BUS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/175652.html

MILEY CYRUS NEW "DREAM CATCHER" TATTOO - MOMS ANGEL WINGS - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/175682.html

ARNOLD SCHWARZNEGGER'S LOVE CHILD MISTRESS - MILDRED BAENA - OH AHNOLD-----SYA IT ANI'T SOOOOOOOO! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/175692.html

WOW! MOM SNAGS FOUL BALL HOLDING BABY WITH HELMET ON! - TRUE SPORTS FAN! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175701.html

HOT BLONDE CHEERLEADERS! - SEXY MUSTANG - SIX PACK ABS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175702.html

CHILDCARE FAIL - CAMEL IN PETTING ZOO CHOMPS ON LITTLE KIDS HEAD! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/175703.html

180 YARD RECORD LACROSSE GOAL - AMAZING ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175757.html

MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL - FOUL BALL RETURN THROW KNOCKS BEER OUT OF FANS HANDS - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175764.html

STRANGE MEXICAN FASHION - COWBOY BOOTS WITH 3 FOOT CURLED TOES! - REALLY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175828.html

STRANGE LITTLE CRAB - ONE HUGE CLAW - ON TINY! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/175829.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SZ - STRANGE ANIMAL STUFF - HOUSES - LEASHES - BOWLS -

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/101307_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Celebrities With The Highest IQs - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/175693.html

5 Pearls of Scottish Wisdom to Remember - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/175696.html

Inspirational Lunch With a Special Friend - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175697.html

10 of the Strangest Animal Defense Mechanisms - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/145380.html

Strange Facts About Moose and What They Eat! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/143371.html

Strange But True Facts About Sharks - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/139934.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SZ - STRANGE ANIMAL STUFF - HOUSES - LEASHES - BOWLS -

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/125_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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------------------------

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[b3ta] "Pony's day trip ruined by rail staff"

 

This Week:
* KITTEN - That smoke fags
* SQUIRRELS - Dead, and played with by child
* QUESTION - Trolls. Tell us about trolls

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're pretending to
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | like Lady Gaga's
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| new album... together"

B3ta soupy shit 479 - 20 May 2011

Bury this issue in a pet cemetery:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue479/

Full communion: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Excommunication: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

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-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than making crusty, semen-filled socks

>> Grey Bloke's Rapture <<
Monochrome nerd Greybloke returns with good
advice on how to cope with Mr Lord Jesus's
imminent plans to return and form a posse.
http://goo.gl/kWuNl

>> Seven Little Cats Kissin' <<
"The long-awaited sequel to 'Don't Bring Lou
Lou'!" exclaims The Twisted Omentum. This is
very much an old-school b3ta music vid,
"Featuring several of our and our friends' cats.
Be gentle!"
http://goo.gl/NqTq5

>> The Nature Song <<
"I done created a new animashun," writes little
Koit. "Weirdly, it's completely family friendly
and suitable for all." This is sweet - is Koit
mellowing in his old age?
http://www.highasakoit.co.uk/nature.php

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Conversation Killers

Sometimes you say something and the conversation
around you stops dead. Well, I say sometimes.
This lot seem to exist in permanent silence:
http://b3ta.com/questions/conversationkillers/

* SAT NAV FUNERAL - "A couple of years ago, I
was at a mate's funeral. It wasn't a happy
occasion; he'd hit a tree and, because he was
divorced and his firm kept no records of his ex
or kids, they hadn't got to his bedside while he
was still conscious. So far, so bummer. As
Grimsby Crematorium is noted for scrotes stealing
stuff from cars during services, someone had
brought his satnav in with him: just before the
son got up to his reading, a disembodied voice
said, 'You have reached your destination.'
Dead silence, followed by muffled snorts from
half the congregation." (all my scars face forward)

* EVERY PARENT'S NIGHTMARE - "Chatting to a bird
at the pub. All going well. She asks me my name
and I reply, absolutely deadpan, 'Well, up until
the age of 10 it was Jon Venables.' Dirty look
and conversation over. I've no idea where this
came from, I wasn't trying to make a joke, I've
never used that before - it was just the first
thing that came to my head. It just came from
nowhere. It was like I was cock-blocked by a
momentary demonic possession." (Regger)

* BANANA SEX LOLS - "Aged fifteen, crowded
school classroom, it's the end of the school day
and we wait for 'Donkey' Delaney to come along,
tick off our names in the register and dismiss
us for the afternoon. It is a Friday, we are so
excited. Conversation is, as you'd expect, quite
animated. Donkey Delaney walks through the door.
The class falls silent. All except for Tracey.
Poor, poor Tracey with her pneumatic, hypnotic
chest and the conversation killer to end them
all: 'Well, I prefer a banana because it's got
just the right curve on it.' Monday came, and
her desk was piled high with bananas. Tuesday
came, and there was a new school rule."
(Scaryduck)

>> This Week's Question: trolls <<
Are you a troll? Ever pwn3d a troll with your
1337 intarnet sk1llz? Or do you live under a
bridge and eat goats? Tell us your trolly
stories, both from the web and from real life:
http://b3ta.com/questions/trolls/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Rare colour photos from the Depression era <<
The past isn't a foreign country, it's just an
earlier version of now and it's extraordinary.
http://goo.gl/IYmaO

>> What's the worst bit of design ever done? <<
Our vote is the enter key on this Macbook that
the twats at Apple refuse to replace and
actually told me I'm pushing wrongly. It
constantly pops off its little hinge thingie.
Most people are voting for other stuff, mind:
http://goo.gl/gCgyN

>> Incredible flea market DIY modular synth <<
A snapshot of another world where mad hobbyists
built their own synths because there was no
alternative that didn't cost a fortune. These
days, we all play the same sounds on our iPads
and delude ourselves about a thing called
progress.
http://is.gd/5mbLOh

>> Mind-bending article from Roseanne Barr <<
On how the TV suits tried to wrestle control
from her and how she said no. A lesson of sorts
- media companies will always grab grab grab as
they've done you such a favour in working with
you.
http://tinyurl.com/6jkmsdq


>> Bit coins <<
A subject that's got the geeks excited this week:
a concept to produce an internet form of cash
outside of the banks. As money basically only
works if you believe in it, there's no reason
this couldn't ultimately succeed, other than
the banks freaking out and pressuring governments
to make it illegal. Which they will.
http://goo.gl/SFDOr

>> PR lies in your press <<
Nice of this PR company '72 Point' to proudly
list all of the bullshit lies they've helped fill
our media with on behalf of their clients.
http://bit.ly/QWp5B

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
VHS stands for Very Hot Spools.

>> Cute toddler plays with dead squirrel <<
We like squirrels - yes, they are rats with
tails but they are also cheeky, eat nuts and
scamper round our local park. We're not so sure
about dead squirrels and definitely not sure we
would let a three-year-old girl play with one.
Gross but amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEDLAgu0yl8

>> Darth Vader plays trombone <<
This guy is absolutely awesome and craps on any
of the useless acts found on TV talent shows.
Having said that, we fear it's only a matter of
time before Darth Cowell snaps him up and makes
him fodder for his entertainment sausage
machine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07IhWD2Lr2A

>> Swearing toy phone <<
The perfect gift for a child with Tourette's (or
very square, religious parents). We'd like one for
Christmas please.
http://goo.gl/ATLA4

>> Kitty Ciggy <<
Even the most fanatical non-smokers will enjoy this:
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Kitty_Ciggy

>> Best new sport ever <<
This takes a while to get going, but be patient
and you will be rewarded with footage of an
extraordinary new sport. We'd like to see it at
next year's Olympics but are not sure if the
world is ready for it yet.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Wait_for_it:15

>> Mentos missile <<
There's a long tradition of people doing stuff
with Mentos and coke bottles on the internet.
Some of it is good, some of it is bad, but this
is incredible.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mentos_Missile

>> Facebook / Google sticks you in a bubble <<
If you spend a lot of time on Facebook, it's
easy to believe that everyone you know shares
your views - about politics, TV and pop music.
This clever chap proves that these internet
bubbles we live in are algorithmic and shows
it's not just Facebook that's guilty, but
also Google.
http://goo.gl/JtAd7

BTW: If you're interested in this area, check
out this related article - "A bonfire of your
memories" - a powerful critique of Facebook from
@textfiles - and, of course, look out for Adam
Curtis's new series starting on the 23rd.
http://ascii.textfiles.com/archives/3086

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
We're actually embarrassed to run this shit

* THE DICK MAYO SPRINT - our own personal dick
mayo record is about 15 seconds.
http://www.bristolmc.org.uk/EventRegs/mayo_combe_regs.htm

* KEN CLARKE RAPE LOLS - The Guardian iPhone app
has cut down the Ken Clarke story headline and
made it appear a whole lot worse.
http://yfrog.com/hs6tzyrj

* VANGINA - jazzytrumpetguy writes, "Saw this on
the back of a van in Coventry, absolutely
brilliant."
http://www.activegasheating.co.uk/

* TEAM AMERICA HAS A LOT TO ANSWER FOR - Ian
Beveridge writes, "Best software project name
ever."
http://j.mp/lvZdGM

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Animal Power Challenge

Last week we wanted you to imagine that animals
replaced traditional methods of generating power.

Your favourites included:

* ELEPHANT - upside-down trunker powers grid,
via the extraordinary mind of (monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10419195

* KITTEN - of all the "useless machines"
clogging up the internet, this one, involving a
miniature kitten, is the bestest (gingerbenji)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10420085

* VOLE - Danger! Danger! High Voleage, etc
(Afinkawan)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10419230

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/animalpower/

>> New challenge: Right Film, Wrong Gender <<
This week's mission, should you choose to accept
it, it to re-make films so they appeal to the
opposite gender to the original - Star Wars for
women, Dirty Dancing for men. And so on.
Challenge suggested by Sea Tramp.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/sexchangemovies/

-------------------------------------------------

OTHER BACONS
Your guide to pig-free bacon fun

* WHALE BACON - ookiimarukochan writes, "Whale
bacon is still fairly common in Japan, and
surprisingly tasty (Japanese bacon itself isn't
really bacon as it doesn't seem to be cured)."
http://www.japanprobe.com/2009/01/25/whale-bacon-commercial/

* LAMB BACON - SCar writes, "When the lamb is
all grown up, it turns into mutton and this can
be used to make Macon. It's popular amongst the
Jewish community."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macon_(food)

* BEEF BACON - pauljherring writes, "They
already do this in the middle east (certainly in
Dubai and Saudi Arabia) for westerners who
demand something that looks like it came from a
pig, but due to some silly religious rule or
other can't actually be made from pig. So they
use cow instead. They use chicken for sausages."
http://goo.gl/M5FBh

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Sexy Gamble

Captain Plantagenet writes, "I liked your
suggested Friday Game of counting the number of
people you'd have sex with that you've seen
today, but can offer a variation that makes it
all the more challenging.

"Pick a spot where you can see people
approaching from a distance - a park bench, a
seat on the bus - you get the idea. As soon as
you see a person in the distance, decide whether
or not they'd be someone you'd bed. You then
have a wait of anticipation to see whether on
close inspection they're a vision of beauty, or
a 50-year-old cigarette-wielding grandmother of
12."

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* INTERNET PARENT MACHINE - Dear BBC iPlayer
devteam. Please add an option to randomly play
stuff from CBeebies with a "don't like it, next"
button. And make it autoplay. But skip the crap
radio stuff.

* iPHONE TEXT BLOCKER - Why isn't there a simple
'block texts' button on our phone like there is
in email? We don't want text spam from a Clapham
pizza place we last used in 2001.

* ZERIOS - If Cheerios did 1's as well a 0's
they could own the geek breakfast cereal market.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Lovelies: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Bastards: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @cw19_uk, The
Archduke of South London, @TomWhitwell,
@mattround, @chris_coltrane, libinspace,
beckyharris.co.uk, UHMUHRAKA!, redflame, Jalf.
Top Tippery by robneymcplum. Additional linkage
and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via hedonist.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
A frozen cheese wedge makes a perfect doorstop.
Temporarily.

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Vol 1008 - May 18, 2011 - Strange Things a True Southerner Knows…

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About "Work"

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. - Robert Frost

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse. - Dennis Miller

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? - Edgar Bergen

Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you're finished. - Leslie Nielsen

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. - Slappy White

I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. - Robert Paul

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. - Dennis Miller

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerome K Jerome

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Things a True Southerner Knows…

The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.

Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.

What general direction cattywumpus is.

That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar.

When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.

The difference between Yankees and damn Yankees.

How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.

Knows what, "Well I Suwannee !!" means.

Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits !!

A good dog is worth its weight in gold.

Real gravy don't come from the store.

When "by and by" is.

How to handle their "pot likker".

The difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece".

The differences between a redneck and a good ol' boy.

Never to go snipe hunting twice.

At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice.

Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows.

You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.

A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up.

Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.

Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

COOL RAILROAD TRAINS TRAVELING THROUGH SCENIC VISTAS - 13 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/174854.html

AMAZING BALANCE AND CLIMBING ABILITY - MOUNTAIN GOATS - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/174948.html

AMAZING TIME LAPSE MILITARY BOMB EXPLOSION - FIVE FRAMES - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/174625.html

AIR CRAFT CARRIER - SWIM CALL FUN - SUICIDE DIVE OFF SIDE RAMP - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/174708.html

DOGS LOVE RIDING IN TRUCKS AND CARS! - WHAT'S UP BUB? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175073.html

DANGEROUS WEATHER - WATERSPOUT CROSSES CANAL - LIGHTENING BOLT - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/175197.html

STRANGE & GOOFY ROYAL WEDDING MEMENTOS FROM KATE & PRINCE WM. - BARF BAGS - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/175204.html

BOXING DANGERS - REF MAD AT SUCKER PUNCH AFTER INSTRUCTIONS - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175405.html

STRANGE OLDE "WOODIE" WAGONS - 1947 DODGE BUS WAGON WITH WOODIE TEARDROP CAMPER - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/167982.html

COOL VODKA SHOT DISPENSER - GUARANTEED ICE COLD! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175618.html

NASCAR DANGERS - FIERY CRASHES AND SPECTACULAR DESTRUCTION - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/175623.html

MILITARY DANGERS - APACHE ATTACK HELICOPTER LOW FLYBY! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/175650.html

STRANGE MILITARY ITEMS - GUMMY BEAR MILITARY JET FIGHTERS - YUM! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175657.html

BOG DOG SAVES LITTLE DOG FROM DROWNING IN FAMILY SWIMMING POOL - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/175662.html

STRANGE DOGGIE WATER BOWL - SELF FILLING MINI TOILET BOWL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175664.html

STRANGE FARM PRODUCTS - WEIRD FRUIT TREES! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/175676.html

AMAZING HOCKEY GOAL - STICKY PUCK STICKS TO HOCKEY STICK - FLIPPED INTO NET! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175677.html

STRANGE BEACH MAZE - HUGE LITTLE GIRLS FACE IN SPAIN ! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/175678.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - G - INTERNATIONAL FARMS - FOREIGN FARMS - CROPS - ASIA - EUROPE

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100750_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

10 Strangest Phobias - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/175674.html

10 Strange Wedding Disaster Stories - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/175675.html

Top 5 Stag Party Ideas - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/175679.html

Top 5 Hen Party Ideas - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175680.html

Creative Puns for Creative Minds - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/160484.html

Strange Facts About 1909 vs Today! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/158366.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SF - G - INTERNATIONAL FARMS - FOREIGN FARMS - CROPS - ASIA - EUROPE

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/112_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

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------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 1007 - May 15, 2011 - Strange Quickie Quiz -

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Business" Quotes:

"When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's composed of aluminum and vinyl." [Flugg]

"If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then add one more as an afterthought, he'll forget two of the first five." [Wives]

"Keep up with the Grabowskis . . . you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses." [Advice on Status]

"Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work."

"The dirt is also on the other side." [Frisk Principle of Window Cleaning]

"When all else fails, why not read the instructions?"

"We should refrain from making very harsh judgments of people just because they happen to be dirty, no-good s.o.b.s."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Strange Quickie Quiz

From the Strange World of Strange Tests and Quizes, here's one you'll enjoy.

It is a set of quick-fire questions. They may look easy, but be warned - they are designed to trick you.

Write down your answers and then see how many you got right.

The time limit is three minutes.

1. What is the last thing you take off before going to bed at night?

2. What gets longer when it is cut at both ends?

3. What was the first name of King George VI of England?

4. What do you call a fly without wings?

5. How many squares are there on a standard chessboard?

6. How many seconds are there in a year?

7. A man throws a ball three feet, it stops, and then returns to his hand without touching anything. How come?

8. What was the largest island in the world before Australia was discovered?

9. Why can a policeman never open the door in his pajamas?

10. If 5 dogs kill 5 rats in 5 minutes, how long does it take 15 dogs to kill 15 rats?

Scroll Down for the Answers

Here are the answers.

1. Your feet off the floor.

2. A ditch.

3. Albert. (He deferred to Queen Victoria's wish that no future king be called Albert.)

4. A walk!

5. There are 204 squares of varying sizes on a regular 8x8 chessboard.

6. 12 - the second of Jan., the second of Feb., etc.

7. He throws it straight up.

8. Greenland. Australia is a continental landmass.

9. He does not have a door in his pajamas.

10. 5 minutes.

Your score:

Number Correct Rating

8 - 10 Very Strange Mind

6 - 7 Strange

3 - 5 Need Help

0 - 2 Beyond Saving

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

COOL RAILROAD TRAINS TRAVELING THROUGH SCENIC VISTAS - 12 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/174855.html

STRANGE TRAVELS -CRYSTAL CLEAR RIVER CANOE TRIP - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/175030.html

STRANGE & UNIQUE GOLF COURSES AROUND THE WORLD - PRISON - LOUISIANA STATE PENITENTIARY - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/174346.html

STRANGE CORN MAZES AND SPECIAL FARM FIELDS - BOISE - LAND OF OZ - IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/174757.html

DEADLY MILITARY AIRCRAFT - F-15E STRIKE EAGLE - COCKPIT VIEW - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/174960.html

BRITISH ROYAL WEDDING - PRINCE WILLIAM TO KAYE MIDDLETON - KATE'S A HOTTIE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175187.html

STRANGE & GOOFY ROYAL WEDDING MEMENTOS FROM KATE & PRINCE WM. - FRONT TEETH DECALS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175202.html

STRANGE SOCCER INJURY - STRETCHER BEARER'S BUTT IN PLAYER FACE! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175395.html

MILITARY CARGO PLANE CARGO DOOR OPEN - GUYS SCREWING AROUND! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175490.html

EXCESSIVE FORCE? SHOCKING VIDEO OF AZ POLICE OFFICER TACKLING YOUNG GIRL - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/175551.html

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS DOG PICTURE? BIG AND LITTLE DOGGIES - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/175552.html

CAMPING FUN - STRANGE TEARDROP CAMPERS - CUTE CUSTOM WOODEN TRIM - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175562.html

1936 FORD DELUXE 2 DR SEDAN FACTORY STAINLESS STEEL - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/175582.html

TSA INAUGURATES IT'S FIRST AUTOMATED AIRPORT FRISKING MACHINE - 1950'S MODEL - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/175612.html

WAFAH DUFOUR - OSAMA bin LADENS NIECE - 32 - MUSICIAN & MODEL - 5 - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/175604.html

STRANGE WINDOW DECALS REAR COP CAR WINDOW - MASTERCARD & VISA ACCEPTED HERE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/175614.html

STRANGE GUITAR SHAPED FARM FIELDS - AERIAL SHOT - WOW - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/175615.html

MOTORCYCLE RACING DANGERS - DIRT BIKE DRIVER'S FRONT WHEEL FLIES OFF! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/175616.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - CAMPERS - 5TH WHEELS - TENT POP-UPS - TRAILERS - LEISURE FUN

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/101306_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Quickie Test - Can You Guess? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/175547.html

Classic Male Logic - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/175553.html

Scientific Quiz for Men - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/25506.html

Dr. Phil's Test - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25427.html

History Exam For People Over 40 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/25355.html

Test for Dementia - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/25157.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - CAMPERS - 5TH WHEELS - TENT POP-UPS - TRAILERS - LEISURE FUN

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

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Vol 1006 - May 11, 2011 - Strange Real Answers From Traffic School Exams

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

--------------------- Exciting NEW Opportunity!:-----------------

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Strange Quotes from Australia

Australia is about as far away as you can get. I like that. - Andre Benjamin

God bless America. God save the Queen. God defend New Zealand and thank Christ for Australia. - Russell Crowe

In Australia, not reading poetry is the national pastime. - Phyllis McGinley

Australia is an absolutely fantastic country, but the only thing we lack is the ability to work harder. - Dick Smith

To live in Australia permanently is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with one's mother. - Barry Humphries

Australia is an outdoor country. People only go inside to use the toilet. And that's only a recent development. - Barry Humphries

The greatest and proudest moment moment of my life standing on the podium receiving the silver medal on behalf of myself and Australia. - Graham Cheney

Olivia Newton-John - Australia's gift to insomniacs. It's nothing but the blonde singing the bland. - Minnie Riperton

It's definitely different in the States. Americans are much different people compared to us. We're much more laid back. I itch to get back to Australia every summer because it's so fast paced there and so stressful. - Andrew Bogut

I'd like to be seen as an average Australian bloke. I can't think of... I can't think of a nobler description of anybody than to be called an average Australian bloke. - John Howard

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Real Answers From Traffic School Exams

Clever Drivers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's traffic school. YIKES!

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE COMMEMORATIVE STAMPS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - SIERRA LEONE - RICHARD PETTY - NASCAR - http://www.strangecosmoss.com/content/item/174201.html

MURDER SOLVED AFTER COPS FIND CRIME SCENE TATTOOED ON GANG MEMBER'S CHEST - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/175021.html

DOGS LOVE RIDING IN TRUCKS AND CARS! - WATCH THOSE FAST STARTS - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/175066.html

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OLDE CAR TRIPS - TOURIST TRAPS - MT LOWE INCLINE - PASADENA CA - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/174561.html

STRANGE DEER WITH HIS PALS RESTING UP IN HS RACK - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/174905.html

BRITISH ROYAL WEDDING - PRINCE WILLIAM TO KAYE MIDDLETON - HATS - KISS ON THE BALCONY BUCKINGHAM PALACE - GRUMPY FLOWER-GIRL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175182.html

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ICE DANCING DANGERS - CANADIAN SKATER MEAGAN DUHAMEL'S ELBOW HITS ERIC RADFORD - BLOODIES NOSE - ISU WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS - MOSCOW - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175401.html

DANGEROUS FLOODING - AMAZING WALL CLOUD DOWN BURST - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/175485.html

USAF B-2 BOMBER - FLYOVER - USC vs PENN STATE FOOTBALL GAME - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/175501.html

STRANGE GOLF - AUSTRALIA - PLEASE PUTT AROUND THE KANGAROOS ON THE 3RD GREEN! - - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/175508.html

SPRING FLOODS 2011 - FARMERS TRACTORS HELP PUMP WATER OVER LEVEES - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175509.html

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STRANGE TOMBSTONES & GRAVE-MARKERS - "EXPIRED" PARKING METER! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175516.html

MASS TRANSIT DANGERS - BUS DRIVER TALKING AND TEXTING ON 2 CELL PHONES WHILE DRIVING! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/175521.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - WATER SPORTS - SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING - DIVING - SURFING - KAYAK

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100661_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Osama bin Laden Jokes - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175517.html

Strange 2011 Calendar Mysteries - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/175518.html

The Perfect Golf Shot? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175519.html

Strange Facts About Shopping Malls - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/119817.html

Murphy's Laws for Business - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/115232.html

Strange Tips and Hints - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/114317.html

Ten Excuses for Missing Work - Five Smart, Five DUMB - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/122770.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - WATER SPORTS - SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING - DIVING - SURFING - KAYAK

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/109_1.html

==================================

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All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

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Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Vol 1005 - May 08, 2011 - 15 Things My Mother Taught Me!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

--------------------- Exciting NEW Opportunity!:-----------------

We are looking for people who are looking to the Future

Who do you know that..... Needs to loose weight?
Loves Chocolate?
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==================================

Strange "Mothers Day" Quotes:

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth. - Peter Ustinov

For a woman, a son offers the best chance to know the mysterious male existence. - Carole Klein

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. - Rita Rudner

Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life. - Sophocles

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of priests. - Spanish Proverb

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - 15 Things My Mother Taught Me!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"

2. My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why!"

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

11. My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- don't exaggerate!!!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

POLICE DASH CAM CATCHES SUSPECT EATING DRUG EVIDENCE WHILE SEARCHED! ACTION GIF - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/174437.html

STRANGE MAPS OF THE WORLD AND USA - 2000 - PERCENTAGE OF RELIGIOUS ADHERENTS BY USA COUNTY - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/174816.html

AMAZING BALANCE AND CLIMBING ABILITY - MOUNTAIN GOATS - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/174939.html

TRAVEL BEAUTY - AMAZING VALLEY WITHE WATERFALL FROM HIGH MOUNTAIN LAKE - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/175035.html

STRANGE COMMEMORATIVE STAMPS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - SENEGAL - THE THREE STOOGES - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/174198.html

DOGS LOVE RIDING IN TRUCKS AND CARS! - MARFFFFF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175056.html

SNAIL OLYMPICS - BROAD JUMP - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/174833.html

BRITISH ROYAL WEDDING - PRINCE WILLIAM TO KAYE MIDDLETON - CRAZY HATS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175157.html

DANGEROUS WEATHER - STRANGE VOLCANO & LAVA CREATE RARE WATERSPOUT - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/175196.html

HUGE INDONESIAN BEETLE! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/175233.html

AWESOME PATRIOTIC CAMARO SS - WAR HISTORY OF THE USA! - FRONT QUARTER VIEW - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/175372.html

US NAVY SEALS - SPECIAL OPS - TRAINING - STEALTH MOTHER SHIP - M80 STILETTO - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/175385.html

BEST PING PONG RETURN SHOT EVER! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/175394.html

BOENINGS NEW STEALTH DRONE - THE PHANTOM RAY - LANDING GEAR EXTENDED - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/175423.html

BLONDE PREPARING HER CHEAT SHEETS IN HER PANTY HOSE FOR TEST TAKING! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/175447.html

JOHNNY DEPP'S 156 FT YACHT - 2 CATERPILLAR 480 HP - MAX 14 KNOTS - AERIAL VIEW - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/175457.html

DANGEROUS FLOODING - FARM ANIMALS AND EQUIPMENT ON HIGHEST GROUND - PRAYING - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/175478.html

DANGEROUS FLOODING - HOUSE SURROUNDED - WEALTHY MAN SAVES HIS VW ON FLOATS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/175486.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - PUZZLES - STRANGE ITEMS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/100302_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Human Body Facts - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/175333.html

Holy Humor - Funny Church Stuff - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/175445.html

A Mother's Dictionary - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/23848.html

A Special Tribute to Mothers - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/21268.html

Famous Mothers - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/107024.html

Murphy's Law for Mothers - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/115230.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - PUZZLES - STRANGE ITEMS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/121_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

--------------------- Exciting NEW Opportunity!:-----------------

We are looking for people who are looking to the Future

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Loves Chocolate?
Needs Better health?
Wants to make some extra money?

Even if you don't fall into any of the above categories, we're positive that you know someone that does? Sign Up Today!

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