Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: [b3ta] "The real year is 13.75 billion+1. Not 2013, you religious nuts"

This Week:
* ANIM - Barley says
* PROJECT - the "bother-proof" Christmas card
* RASPBERRY PI - We bought one (thumbs up)

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're sieving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | for gold, not shit"
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B3ta email 561 - 4 Jan 2013

Read this issue whilst thinking about teeth:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue561

Kittens : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Shittens : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK (sort of)
Buy a Raspberry Pi

When we don't sell an ad we like to link
something we've recently bought: we entertained
ourselves over Xmas with the much trumpeted
Raspberry Pi, the £30 linux computer. Worried it
might be inconvenient to plug into a TV but
happily you can just plug it into your router
then connect via SSH and setup a VNC server,
thus using a laptop as your display/input.
Definitely worth the trivial amount of money it
costs to get a new toy to play with. Also fun to
be exposed to the drag and drag games
programming language Sketch which we previously
hadn't heard of but is an doddle to use. Thumbs
up - would buy again.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B009SMWSQA/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK

>> Barley Says <<
"I made this short but informative Public
Information Film for 'Mashed'," writes mozza of
this charming public information film.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Barley_Says

BTW: Mashed featured lots of B3tan content, you
can still watch it via the C4 site:
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/2012-mashed/4od

>> Is it still okay for "happy new year"? <<
"Every year I get sick of people wishing 'Happy
New Year' long after it's still OK to do so,"
complains Dave Birss. "So I made a reference
site where people can check if it's still OK to
do so. The content changes throughout January,
getting more tetchy by the day."
http://godd.am/newyear/

>> iEye <<
Sheep! premieres "the visual enhancement system
that fits in your own eyeball." Life looking
gloomy? Magic shiny make it all better.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/iEye

>> How to brother-proof a Christmas card <<
"When we were younger, my brother and I had a
game of `brother-proofing' each other's cards,"
writes madsporkmurderer. "This consisted of
covering the envelope with as much tape as we
could. This year I decided to revive this game.
However, I'm now a much larger child, with a
welder and too much free time.
http://bit.ly/UnJRVh

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Relief

Ages back, before presentfest 2012, we asked for
stories of things that turned out less grim than
you at first thought:
http://b3ta.com/questions/qotwrelief/

* LUMP - "Lying in bed one Saturday morning
feeling somewhat worse for wear after a
particularly heavy night's drinking, I went for
a lazy scratch of my nether regions. I was
horrified to discover a growth on my scrotum.
All sorts of terrible thoughts went through my
head... thoughts which soon dissipated when I
discovered that the "growth" was a fried egg
Haribo which had somehow adhered itself to my
ballbag." (mirodo)

* LOFT - "My wife was due to have a baby middle
of next month. 5am yesterday morning she started
making 'having a baby' noises. I said I should
call an ambulance. "Don't be stupid, I'm not
going to have the baby here." My two year old
wakes up and comes to see what's going on. More
screaming and I call the ambulance. The 999 man
starts talking me through how to deliver a baby.
"Please, just send the ambulance." "Now, can you
see the head yet sir?" "No, can you please send
the ambulance?" Two year old wants to play
giraffes. Relief #1 was the ambulance crew
huffing and puffing up the stairs. Relief #2 was
the baby crying, successfully delivered by a
totally unphased ambulance man. Slightly strange
Monty Python aspect was the other ambulance
people asking me who did my loft conversion
while the baby was half out. "They done a lovely
job sir. Can I ask you what you paid?" (browser)

* LOST - "Waiting at the bus stop with my son,
then 2, a wee friend of his and the friend's
mother. I got a bit distracted checking bus
times, looking out change and so on when, to my
utter horror, I realised that The Boy had
vanished from sight. Not in the bus stop. Not on
the pavement. Not on the road. Crowds of people
around. Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit. His
friend's mother saw the panic in my eyes, saw me
looking frantically around and asked me what was
wrong. "Where's the Geeklet?", I asked,
urgently. She gave me an odd look. "Still
sitting on your shoulders", she replied."
(ubergeekian)

>> This Week - DUMPED <<
Dumpee, dumper or still not sure what happened
and hoping that one day the hurt will subside so
that you can leave the house? Tell us all:
http://b3ta.com/questions/dumped/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Favourite book covers <<
The New York Times got 20 designers to pick
their favourite book cover and explain why - the
results are genuinely interesting.
http://nyti.ms/UnJWZa

>> London's top Twitter names <<
Geo-tagged tweets laid out on top of a London
map, to find the city's most popular Twitter
surnames with locations. Disappointingly low on
Hitlers.
http://bit.ly/X2PhCd

>> Javascript Amiga <<
If you are a nerd of a certain age, those two
words are all it will have taken for you to race
off down the linky superhighway. If you are
still here, don't worry; perhaps a
Javascript/HTML Amiga emulator is not for you.
http://scriptedamigaemulator.net/

>> British people problems <<
Continually-updated listing of the tiny, nagging
problems that bother we lucky denizens of the
British Isles.
http://www.reddit.com/r/britishproblems

>> Vintage computer adverts - what's really happening <<
A look at those old tech ads that's both funny
at how crap they are and insightful about the
story we were being told. "We bought it to help
with our homework and the household account"
indeed.
http://s349909351.websitehome.co.uk/blog/?p=342

>> Dr Who Theme in odd, retro style <<
The Dr Who theme comes courtesy of Damont
Records' "TV Favourites and other childrens
songs" 1975. Synthtastic.
http://bit.ly/UnKeiT

>> Van Goghtical illusion <<
Stare at the moving pattern; stare at the swirly
picture; feel as if you're losing your mind; cut
off your ear and mail it to a prostitute.
http://imgur.com/gallery/VIeMk

>> Hollywood Snopes <<
Great little read about some of the urban
legends that hang around movie studios.
http://bit.ly/UnKkab

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like iPlayer but with no Spinal Tap easter egg

>> Uncorrected personality traits <<
Robyn Hitchcock sings a message that'll make any
parent have an anxiety attack. Not sure if this
meant to be comedy or not but compelling
nonetheless. WIKIPEDIA FACT: Robyn's dad wrote
the film 'Percy' a brit-sexplotation flick about
a penis transplant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKFqHPjI1Io

>> Attenborough sounds like a rudeboy <<
Good to see David Attenborough keeping up with
contemporary slang.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsSbHFPybzk

>> World's most useless machine <<
Useless but we reckon they'd sell like hot sex.
If you make the mechanical hand into a kitten's
paw.
http://bit.ly/UnKsq6

>> Testing for electrostatic discharge <<
Health & Safety video with memorable pay-off.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Electro_Static_Discharge

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Now incorporating Goatse Monthly

Getwalker writes, "Hi, dunno if you've seen this
before but it seems Goatse has some historical
precedents."
https://www.google.com/search?q=sheelanagig&tbm=isch

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: FRIDAY GAME
Guess the word

As kids we used to play a guess the number game
- player 1 thinks of a number, player 2 guesses,
player 1 says higher or lower. We're kicking
ourselves that we didn't think of applying this
model to words. This version is almost great but
needs a smaller dictionary without obscure words
in it and a better interface.
http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~pahk/dictionary/guess.cgi

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Bizarre Facts Challenge

Last week we wanted you to illustrate strange
knowledge.

Your favourites included:

* DEATH: tragic film franchise demises marked
with sombre farewell (Captain Howdy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10900001

* LUNAR: astronomical discovery receives George
Lucas treatment (funkmotor)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10899498

* BADGE: cockney film icon reminds audience who
he is (robneymcplum)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10902642

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/bizarrefacts/

>> New challenge: Online Goes Offline <<
Can you imagine a world in which people behave
offline like they do online? We think you can,
which is why it's this week's challenge.
Suggestion by xandmi.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/online-offline/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* STRANGEST EMAIL WE'VE HAD FOR A WHILE - should
we reply?
http://bit.ly/UnKE8J

* APOLOGIES FOR LAST WEEK - as RS2000CUSTOM
writes, "Whoops! You ain't put an edition number
in the link. You now givin out a 404." Here's
the missing number: 560. Simply edit the URL and
stick that on the end - happy to help.

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include:

* UNFAIR DEATHS - make a game with each level
being an utterly unfair death that happens in 3
seconds of starting.

* AMAZON TROLLING - evil project idea.
Systematically write backhanded compliment reviews
on Amazon. "The spelling is quite good."

* VIDS - savage^ writes, "Turbulent aeroplane
movie footage fed through software to steady the
image, so we can see the actors wobble their
heads about all funny."

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by ‏@mattround,
@TheMichaelMoran, @cr3, tuqueboy, DogHorse,
tubaman, zacherynuk, Gruffi, Nicky Hewgill,
@matthewgardner and db123. Image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top
tip via Rotating Wobbly Hat.
Subjlols via waxdart.

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TOP TIP:
Instead of the bother of converting your Nectar
points just buy honey.