This Week:
* FIT - Davina McCall in 15 mins
* CRUNK - Sung by robot bears
* CELEBS - Guy Photoshops himself with stars
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shouting the word
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | 'donkey' in a stupid
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| voice. Sorry"
B3ta email 614 - 10 Jan 2014
Read this issue whilst stamping on hamsters:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue614
Thankers : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Wankers : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------------
: SPONSORED LINK
Haribo Sugar Free Gummi Bears
Some pretty funny reviews here because er… they
make you shit yourself.
'Oh man... words cannot express what happened to
me after eating these. The Gummi Bear 'Cleanse'.
If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar
substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of
people that tried my order, RUN!''
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000EVQWKC/b3ta-20
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than wanking on socks
>> Huge alien & robot destruction animation <<
Bendaure writes, "I've been locked away (on and
off) for 2 years making this new video, it has
aliens, robots and steam-punk bugs all
enthralled in a massive war. It's taken more
work than i could ever begin to imagine and i
hope very much that you enjoy it."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1119709/
>> Davina McCall Fit In 15 Remix <<
Woahbot writes, "If you're going to buy a
fitness DVD this year, I can thoroughly
recommend Davina McCall's Fit In 15 just for
that bloke's lovely legs! But if you can't be
arsed to even think about exercise, then this
remix of her best bits will do! Enjoy her
mong face."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1120018/
>> Politilols <<
Timoncheese writes, "Take popular songs and
crudely insert UK politicians' names And you get
this."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1120199/
>> The Foul-o-Matic: Instant swear generator <<
C_kick writes, "I just reworked a generator I
first built in 2008. As the site was still
attracting lots of visitors, I thought it fit to
give it a complete overhaul. Hope you enjoy it,
you throbbing poop worms!"
http://foulomatic.hnldesign.nl/
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: USVSTH3M
Quizzes & more from the other B3taish project
* How long would you survive after the
Apocalypse? The world has ended. Good luck.
* What's Your Mental Age? - Are you young at
heart or wise beyond your years?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/whats-your-mental-age/
* The Movie Code Quiz - Fancy programming from a
movie, but what does it really do?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/movie-code-quiz/
* What your Facebook picture really says
about YOU. And how many of these 28 Facebook
types can you spot in your Friends List?
http://usvsth3m.com/post/72864448083/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
I spied on someone
Last week we asked if you just liked to watch:
http://b3ta.com/questions/ispywithmylittleeye/
* "My first flat in London was a tiny shithole
rooftop apartment at the top of long set of
stairs that were in perpetual darkness. Its
one redeeming feature was a small balcony. I
noticed one of my flatmates had taken to
having his bowl of cereal standing out on
it each morning. This went on for weeks.
"One day I decided to join him. Apart from the
ubiquitous noisy pigeon sex, the other thing
of note was a woman in the apartment opposite
undressing in the bathroom. With the window
open. For the next few months I had my
weetabix standing next to him on the balcony.
Fuck I love pigeons."
(cumquat ma)
* "A friend of mine had a flatmate/landlord who
was a bit paranoid. One day he came back to find
cameras in the flat, one in the lobby and one
outside the flat door. All a bit Howard Hughes.
"So, when the landlord was out working, he
climbed out of his window, inched his way
across the balcony into the other bedroom (the
door always being locked, of course). There he
saw that the cameras were hooked up to a
computer, recording all day. So he called up a
few of us. Then he sat at computer and paused
the recording whilst we got into position in
the lobby.
"He re-started recording for a few seconds
while we danced like total spazzes, paused it,
recorded it with no-one there, paused it so we
could appear out of nowhere doing more spazz
dancing... and repeat, and repeat. For about
half an hour. Next day he was asked to move
out. Not a word was said about the videos."
(Dr. Chinaman)
* "When number 1 daughter was a mere baby, a girl
from Brazil came to stay with us - free board
and lodging in return for light babysitting
duties. We'd accidentally gained an Au Pair!
"Now, being new parents, we were terrified of
Bad Stuff happening to the sprog, and so
considered using a Nanny Cam. I was discussing
this with a colleague at work, explaining the
problem I was having deciding where to put the
camera to check on the Au Pair. 'Just under
the rim works best,' he said, without
thinking..."
(moon monkey)
>> This Week - THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY <<
Tell us your stories of things rapidly getting
out of control. Or your lamest escalator jokes:
http://b3ta.com/questions/thatescalatedquickly/
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* Absurd animated portraits
http://romainlaurent.tumblr.com/
* Guy Photoshops himself with celebs
http://m.imgur.com/a/EUB5m?gallery
* A bad day is "losing" your plane at mach 3.18
http://www.barthworks.com/aviation/sr71breakup.htm
* Worst flat ever
-------------------------------------------------
: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> Animatronic bears sing crunk <<
It seems a chap bought an animatronic band from
a pizza restaurant and programmed it to perform
Pop Lock and Drop it. The results are more than
slightly unnerving.
>> Dolphin exam cheating simulator <<
Hooray! Games for the Oculus Rift - and the
only cetacean school skiving simulator you'll
ever need.
>> Elderly thesps re-enact YouTube comments #5 <<
Nelson Mandela is dead. This is a tour de force
of richly-voiced trolling - their best episode
yet. The next best thing to Game of Thrones
being back.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1120685/
>> Alternatives to guide dogs <<
The Norwegian Association for the Blind shows
how other animals might work at helping people
with visual impairments.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Could_have_been_worse:2
>> Man sings 'Wuthering Heights' in original key <<
You'd think it'd be ridiculous - and it is -
but he really does make it his own, in a Robert
Plant Led Zeppelin way. Action starts at 1
minute, if you're impatient like us.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1121673/
>> Fried egg rap <<
Oh yes. Skills.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_8qZBHcD2s
>> Zzap64/Crash Magazine film <<
Older nerds (like us) may enjoy this nice
little documentary about 1980s computer games
mag publishers Newsfield and the ridiculously
young team who ran it.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Zzap64_Crash_Magazine_film
-------------------------------------------------
Lovers: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Shovers: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by sinisterduck,
rotten eggs, smellysaminparis, Anthropos,
@brandonnn, @waxpancake, tubaman, Mokum420,
sinisterduck, intesvensk, simbosan, jamtallons.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Movie producers. Want the public reaction to
your upcoming film to be, "Oh god, not another
one!"? Simply get Vince Vaughn to star in it!
(NoStrings)
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