VOL 1195 - March 03, 2013 - Strange Examples of "Double Speak"

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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MARCH FUN
Time For Some Strange Fun !


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Strange "Animal" Quotes:

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too. - Samuel Butler

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. - Samuel Butler

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days. - Bill Dana (William Szathmary)

"Moo" may represent an idea, but only the cow knows. - Mason Cooley "City Aphorisms"

Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger. - Abbie Hoffman

A horse is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle. - Ian Fleming

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Examples of "DoubleSpeak"

From the Quarterly Review of Doublespeak

A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor recorded the following on the patient's chart: "Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential."

Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the American Journal of Family Practice fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."

The letter from the Air Force colonel in charge of safety said that rocket boosters weighing more than 300,000 pounds "have an explosive force upon surface impact that is sufficient to exceed the accepted over pressure threshold of physiological damage for exposed personnel." In other words, if a 300,000-pound booster rocket falls on someone, he or she is not likely to survive.

A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-personnel devices." You probably call them bombs.

At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status." That is, they were fired.

A personal ad from an unidentified newspaper announces that a "formerly single man" seeks a single or married woman.

After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it) only to receive the following notice: "We must report that during the handling of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an unusual laboratory experience." The use of the passive is a particularly nice touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously sent him.

The description on the package of Stouffer's Veal Tortellini with Tomato Sauce says it contains "exquisite egg pasta." The list of ingredients, however, includes "cooked noodle product."

In St. Louis there is an oriental rug store that advertises "semi-antique" rugs.

The Minnesota Board of Education voted to consider requiring all students to do some "volunteer work" as a prerequisite to high school graduation.

Senator Orrin Hatch said that "capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."

According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December 22, 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm." Their "farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year. But as a "family farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a year.

Scott L. Pickard, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Department of Public Works, calls them "ground-mounted confirmatory route markers." You probably call them road signs, but then you don't work in a government agency.

It's not "elderly" or "senior citizens" anymore. Now it's "chronologically experienced citizens."

According to the FAA, the propeller blade didn't break off, it was just a case of "uncontained blade liberation."

Submitted by Jenny J.

Rec'd from Bill Kruse:

When a Professional Bull Rider suffered three cracked vertebrae and a broken collar bone after having been bucked an enraged 1,800 pound animal, the medical authorities attributed his injuries to "aggravated bovine ejection."
No joke!


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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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FAMOUS LAST MEALS FOR MURDERS ON DEATH ROW - ENJOY! - DAVID SPENSE - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/187010.html


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OSCAR AWARDS SEXIEST DRESS 2013 - HEIDI KLUM'S LOW CUT GOLD EVENING GOWN - 12 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187173.html


ALCOHOL TEST - WHAT YOUR "LIQUOR" DRINK SAYS ABOUT YOU - LIGHT BEER - "YOU CONSIDER EATING A LITE TWINKIE TO BE 'DIETING." - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/187107.html


WILD ANIMALS LOVE TO HAVE FUN TOO! - POLAR BEAR SLIDES DOWN SNOW COVERED HILLSIDE HAVING A BALL! - FUNNY ACTION GIF - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/187186.html


DUTCH FRIGATE F-802 FIRES MISSILE - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/187046.html


RAILROAD CROSSING DRIVING DANGERS - SMALL CAR TRAPPED WITH CROSSING GUARD BARS - MOVES FORWARD JUST IN TIME AS TRAIN PASSES! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/187053.html


X-47B STEALTH UN-MANNED COMBAT DRONE - VIEW FROM ABOVE - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/187057.html


STRANGE JAPANESE CONCEPT CARS - BUBBLE TOP 1969 TOYOTA EX-II - ONE SEATER - 3 WHEELS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/187089.html


WINTER DRIVING DANGERS - LARGE CONTAINER TRUCK LOOSES ITS LOAD - DRIVER DESPERATELY BACKS UP TRYING TO AVOID DESTRUCTION! ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/187144.html


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STRANGE PRODUCTS - FOR SALE SIGN AT LUMBER YARD ON LARGE WOODEN BUILDING -" FOR BIG DOG OR SMALL HUSBAND!" - DON'T TELL WIFE THIS IS AVAILABLE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/187163.html


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The Featured Pix Category This Week - STARS! Award Shows & Pageants - Oscars - Miss Univ

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Top 10 Strange & Infamous Pirates - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/152637.html


Strange Trivia Quiz - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/146168.html


10 Strangest Museums - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/132271.html


The Female Demerit System - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/129984.html


Strange Test - Are You From The Ghetto or Suburbs? - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/127887.html


The "Doo-Wop" Oldies Quiz - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/127112.html


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