Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: [b3ta] "Top 10 subjectline fails"

This Week:
* VID - Pope performs exorcism
* TWEETS - Top 4 best tweets ever
* FOOTBALL - The only footy vid we've ever liked

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving our breath
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | because oxygen is
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| valuable"

B3ta email 583 - 31 May 2013

Read this issue after inhaling helium:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue583

Sub : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Make us blub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: Cassetteboy VS Vloggers
(sponsored link)

Mashup artist extraordinaire Cassetteboy has
spent months watching the youngsters Vlog on
YouTube and has well, you know, taken the piss a
bit. Piquant viewing, if youth being lolwhacky
puts your teeth on edge.
http://tinyurl.com/m9h7kd8

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than making

>> How complete is your spirituality? <<
"The Geoff Grace Spiritual Completion Church
offers you the chance to top up your
spirituality!" screams wallopfilms. "And at a
VERY competitive price!" Mentally and
spiritually exhausting.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1007574

>> Pope performs exorcism <<
"There was evidence of an exorcism on the video
apparently," observes professional sceptic Black
Moon. "I didn't see any." And neither did we,
because we were too busy watching the Pope's
hands for any funny business.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1006823

>> BBC Good Food abandons quality control <<
"I submitted a recipe to the BBC Good Food
website," chirps The Tramp Surveyor. "They said
yes." Gross.
http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/3195673/chicken-soup

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: TROLLISH AMAZON REVIEWS
Sponsored, nay affiliated link stuff

Baldychops writes, "Baldychops here again. Well
I'm absolutely delighted to discover that Su
Pollard is not just my dirty fantasy and, thanks
to all the 'helpful' votes of my review of the
Su Pollard phone sock, I've spurted up from 1005
to 190 in the Amazon reviewer charts." Help him
further in his request by voting his reviews up:
http://amzn.to/ZitQ3l

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> DIY giant Kinder Egg for my girlfriend <<
Bloke plans to surprise his girlfriend on her
birthday, by making her a giant Kinder Egg. To
say it doesn't go well would be vastly
understating the stomach-churning results.
http://imgur.com/a/jPZbQ

>> It's Grim Up North map <<
Perfectly spanning the intersection between old
people and Northerners, here's a map of every
place mentioned in the 1991 JAMS single 'It's
Grim Up North'. We like maps, and we like the
KLF and we accept that makes us the perfect
audience for this material, it might not be for
everyone.
http://flipflopflyin.com/itsgrimupnorth/index.html

>> Dogs I have seen <<
Log of Law of the Playground fame photos every
single dog they see, puts online with snarky
captions. Funny.
http://dogsihaveseen.tumblr.com/

>> Sunday afternoon floof <<
Pictures of cats stuck in things. Our feline
chums are really at their best when they're in
no position to spitefully scratch or bite you.
http://imgur.com/gallery/QoCz9

>> Over 1,000 new pics from original Star Wars <<
You don't get stuff like this from your modern
films. It'd all be people crouched in front of
monitors and Tom Cruise wearing ping-pong balls.
Though, actually, we might like to see that too.
http://imgur.com/a/0RmF7#0

>> Just another IKEA catalog <<
Scandinavian modern-style furniture and
accessories in amateur pornography
http://justanotherikeacatalog.tumblr.com/

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: Top 4 best tweets ever:
Coz mistaking the tweet box for search is fun

1. @edballsmp Ed Balls
2. @rupertmurdoch Louise Mensch
3. @pollytoynbee E
4. @moira_stuart Fiona Bruce

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like TV but better because there's more buttons

* Kylie's version of the Twin Peaks theme is
best thing on the web today.
http://youtu.be/6_gdHvg87Q0

* Teenage girl plays Van Halen whilst looking
bored. Although what this really demonstrates is
that making gurning faces whilst playing guitar
is basically acting.
http://bit.ly/1431A6F

* Don't care much for football, but this goal
made us grin and clap.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Toddler_scores_goal

* Samesies - the truth about the human
domination of the planet.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Samesies:2

* Robbie Williams on Chatroulette - good to see
Williams keeping up with the memes of 1998, like
your embarrassing dad. Actually, pretty funny.
Fair play to him. Shit song though, we add
ungraciously.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1006734

* How to fix a laptop. Fuck yeah, this is how to
do it.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_fix_a_laptop

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: Us Vs Th3m

Your newsletter team of Rob & Dave, old-school
B3tan Tom Scott, @flashboy of Sexy A-Levels fame
and Martin Belam from The Guardian have launched
a new site.

Very early days but our favourite stuff so far:

* 6 lines of JavaScript that write Doctor Who
plots indistinguishable from the current
series:
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/drwho/

* Icefail - introducing our moving web essay
about the devastating effect of the unexpected
on a small community:
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/icefail/

* How the internet works 101: #guardiancoffee
edition:
http://bit.ly/14euVrc

If you want to sign up for a daily email of this
stuff written by the B3ta team.
http://bit.ly/ZizxOD

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Flowers Challenge

Last week we wanted you to photoshop some
lovely flowers.

Your favourites included:

* EINSTEIN: dandelion-coiffured physicist
experiences animated alopecia (E Dubya)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10967039

* HELLRAISER: startling fluorescent barnet added
to nail-faced foe (Ninj)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10967112

* CLOCK: experience actual web voodoo via trusty
topiary time-piece (c@bbage)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10968194

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/flowers/

>> New challenge: Gnomes! <<
What if Gnomes were real, alive, and stealing
your jobs? IKEA seems to hate them at the moment
so let's have a week celebrating the Garden Gnome
in whatever form you see fit (challenge
suggested by ferret).
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/gnomes/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* CHOCTOPUS ANALYSED ON U.S. TV - "These Maericans
didn't really get the choctopus," laments Joel
Veitch. Although, from their nauseated
expressions, we think they got the gist.
http://bit.ly/11tiZQB

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* ADBLOCK FOR REAL-LIFE - a downloadable app for
your Google Glass.

* DEFENESTRATE, THE COMPUTER GAME - entirely
consisting of running up an office tower and
violently throwing the screaming occupants out
of the window.

* TAX STICKERS - to label all items with the
percentage of purchase price paid in country of
sale.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @giveover, @Upsight,
Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, Grassie, fucksocks,
The Great Architect, ‏@adamcreen, ‏@mikeisbrill,
Tusk, taters, JamboM. Image challenge by Fraser
Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sometimes I
see something wonderful and I'm relieved I'm not
wearing Google Glass so it remains my memory and
not viral content (c) YouTube. Subjlols via your
mum.

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TOP TIP:
Make your phone feel much heavier than it really
is by Blu-Tacking it to your desk. (krang)