This Week:
* WORDS - Auto-completing iPhone headlines
* MAPS - Surnames mapped to locations
* GALLERY - Tony Hart style B3ta fun
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving plastic
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | bags in a big cupboard
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| for no good reason"
B3ta email 579 - 3 May 2013
Read issue holding nose like a train announcer:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue579
On-time : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Delayed : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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: THE K-TEAM (SPONSORED LINK)
They gonna git you, sucka.
In 2005, a crack commando unit was imprisoned
by inflexible accounting software filled with
complicated jargon. These men promptly escaped
from accounting hell to the London
underground. If you hate doing your accounts,
and want to get your books done in record
time, maybe you should get in touch with...
The K-Team.
http://kf.cm/K-TEAM
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than meth to pay for health treatment
>> Auto-completing iPhone headlines <<
"The Guardian's iPhone app truncates its
headlines," claims @mikethegoat. "I've been
imagining what the full versions would be in a
world more interesting than this one."
http://completedheadlines.tumblr.com/
>> Map of Britain's most popular surnames <<
"We analysed 2007 Electoral Roll data to come
up with the common surnames in each of the
8,920 wards across Great Britain," informs
techedit. "For the twitter surnames, we
analysed the 'user names' of 32 million
geo-tagged tweets downloaded during September,
2012 to April, 2013 across Britain." Blimey.
Comprehensive stuff and an interesting look at
how diverse (or not) Britain really is.
http://www.uncertaintyofidentity.com/GB_Names/Mapping.aspx
>> The B3ta Gallery <<
It's a new way to view the best front-page
images, paying homage to Tony Hart's
now-legendary Take Hart Gallery from old kids'
telly. "I had the idea ages ago," says Matt
Round. "Commissioning the music finally nudged
me into coding it!"
http://b3ta.com/gall3ry/
>> What Toothbrush? <<
"If you're about to buy a new toothbrush,
check out my toothbrush review," writes Pig
Face Turnip. Meticulous.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/What_Toothbrush
>> Chris Blanden - Bit of Mozart <<
"Here is some non-guitar playing that I did
with video editing," writes Chris Blanden.
Admittedly, he could have simply learned to
play the tune normally. "But it wouldn't have
been fast enough and then I'd have forgotten
how to play it eventually. I think I prefer
doing music like this!" he explains.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Chris_Blanden_Bit_of_Mozart
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: AMAZON TAT
"Comedy" mug
When this old lady agreed to pose for some
stock photos we doubt she considered quite how
they might be used.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007C0RP9A/b3ta-21
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Controversial Beliefs
Last week we held our breath and asked for you
most radical, controversial thinking. It proved
interesting. Even the awful puns.
http://b3ta.com/questions/controversialbeliefs/
* BENEFITS - "Only asylum seekers should get
benefit money. People born in the UK have won
life's lottery. Just being mediocre, getting
up in the morning and going through the
motions will win you riches beyond the dreams
of most of the people in the world. Asylum
seekers aren't so lucky. They've been born
into hardship and may well have risked their
lives to get here. They the lifeblood of the
UK, the least we can do is give them a leg
up." (Brigadier)
* SEXY MOVES - "Sex education classes: you may
well remember the boys and girls are
separated. The boys would sit, somewhat
uncomfortable, whilst the teachers would
discuss various issues in a lads-only forum.
During this period, I strongly believe that
the girls were learning the Macarena, the
moves to Whigfield's Saturday Night and other
pop tunes of the era. This is the only logical
explanation for why every female over the age
of thirteen knows the moves to every fucking
one of these songs." (Munsta)
>> This Week - MIDLIFE CRISIS <<
Young Scaryduck has hit his forties, and
found himself suddenly interested in old band
T-shirts and a desire to go on camper van
holidays. How has it hit you, or - if you are
even more of a youngling - your elders?
http://b3ta.com/questions/midlifecrisis/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Back from a year with no internet <<
Journalist Paul Miller deliberately unplugged
himself from the net in April 2012. Now he's
back, with what he learned. More thoughtful
and with fewer easy platitudes than you might
be expecting.
http://bit.ly/ZEAVeU
>> Self-portrait in the style of 100 cartoonists <<
Cartoonist Kevin McShane draws himself in the
idiomatic style of 100 famous artists.
Impressive work - how many can you guess?
http://cartoonkevin.com/
>> Average image of everything <<
Infomerge takes the first 5-20 pages of Google
Image search results and merges them into one
hazy, arty looking image.
http://imgur.com/a/LJkW8
>> Amazing Louis CK <<
"Thanks to whoever recommended I listen to the
two-part Louis CK episode of the WTF podcast,"
writes Rob Manuel. "Compelling stuff. Sadly, I
was a bit drunk and forgot who told me."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gw125AZtDU
>> Cosmarxpolitan <<
Amazing how much the venerable mag has changed
over its storied 163-year lifespan.
http://cosmarxpolitan.tumblr.com/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like real life viewed through a small window
>> Daft Punk vs Alan Partridge <<
Not quite sure why Get Lucky is such a
cultural event. It's a perfectly OK bit of pop
with a nostalgic production, but it seems that
A) you have to have an opinion on it and B)
endless web bollocks.
http://www.partridgegetslucky.com/
>> Mum watches Matrix & explains plot to son <<
Nice format for videos. Now get a child to
explain the origins of World War I.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/OMf9GlLXouA
>> 90 year old woman does a double back flip :O <<
Old people doing surprising things is always
good value. Reminds us of when our grandmother
helped us write a poem for English class and
helpfully rhymed our line, "Walking through
the field, thinking of these words" with, "And
then I stepped in a turd."
http://bit.ly/11GZ4zy
>> How to play chess properly <<
Great little comedy clip that reminded us of
Series 1 of Look Around You.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_play_chess_properly
>> Teddy bear goes to Teddy Hospital <<
If you have young children play this to them
now. Again, a bit Look Around You-ish.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Poor_Teddy
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Funerals Challenge
Last week we wanted you to enliven funerals
Your favourites included:
* MAGIC: Houdini's watery tomb, forever
rotating and gurgling (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10957169
* HOMER: Springfield's most famous son,
forever remembered in concrete (Ham o' Shatner)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10958819
* GOLDFISH: Ooh! I haven't been here before!
Ooh! I haven't been here before! Etc (Fresh
Water mole)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10957416
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/funerals/
>> New challenge: Whales! <<
Oh, the whale! You magnificent leviathan, you
creator of legends, you imperious monster of
the deep! You're also this week's one-word
image challenge, by the way. Whales!
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/whales
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* SHED OF THE YEAR CLOSING DATE - Today is the
day, b3tans. The day when you can feast your
eyes on the finalists for 2013's coveted Shed
of the Year competition. Winner to be
announced in Shed Week, 1st July.
http://bit.ly/ZEBghG
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
* CHARITY IDEA - make an app that uses your
spare GPU cycles to mine for bitcoins. Pooled
money of millions of users is given to save
the donkeys whatever.
* KICKSTOPPER - Can we use a Kickstarter
variant to crowdfund our favourite artists to
NOT bother recording new work, as they haven't
done anything good in 30 years?
* SUPERMARKET GPRS - make an app so we can
type in "carrots" and it'll make a map guiding
us to the fucking carrots.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Wanky cuddles: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Hugs of death: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Coin
Operated Boy, WeirdWeb, @hepvintage,
@GeorgiaMills2, nickzarb, t.latchem,
HappyToast, Chilli Heatwave, LOGIK Image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is
QOTW bloke. Top tip via horrific.
Subjlols via Halibut.
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Be sure to use the cold tap when pissing in
the sink, as hot water encourages the urea in
your piss to become a foul-smelling vapour.
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