Vol 1174 - Dec 19, 2012 - The Difference Between The North and South CLEARLY Explained!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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December Fun !


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Strange Quotes from Famous Women

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. [Dolly Parton]

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. [Erica Jong]

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. [Rita Rudner]

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. [Rita Rudner]

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. [Wendy Liebman]

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. [Erma Bombeck]

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. [Sue Grafton]

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Difference Between The North and South CLEARLY Explained!


The North has Bloomingdale's; the South has Dollar General .

The North has coffee houses; the South has Waffle Houses .

The North has dating services; the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has .44's, .45's, .50 cal's & 'chine guns!

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
(AND....They marry cousins!)

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .

North has Cream of Wheat; the South has grits.

The North has green salads; the South has collard greens .

The North has lobsters; the South has crawfish .

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt .

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .....

In the South : If you run your car into a ditch, DON'T PANIC!
Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. THIS....is what they live for!

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store...
Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from 'round chere, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.

They can't understand you neither. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy.

Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way.
All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .

Be advised that 'He needed killin'.."IS" a valid defense here!

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this!" you should stay out of the way!

These are most likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store for milk & bread! (Likely for milk & bread samiches) It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not.
You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners...
After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven......
We ain't gonna call'em biscuits!

Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song a'fore you knowed it. Your kin would get a kick out of it too!


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