Mittwoch, 23. April 2008

Vol 688 - April 23, 2008 - The Bible for Dummies

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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Strange Quotes About "Television"

MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's. - Doug Ferrari

Dealing with network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks. - Eric Sevareid

TV is chewing gum for the eyes. - Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959)

Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work. - Gallagher

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005)

I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids. - Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Death, 1997

If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives. - Marlon Brando (1924 - 2004)

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Bible for Dummies


AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass– led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

Submitted by Kelly H.


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