Vol 989 - Mar. 13, 2011 - You Know You're From Michigan if....

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes

"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." Henry Youngman.

"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" Steven Wright.

"Monica Seles: I'd hate to be next door to her on her wedding night." Peter
Ustinov. (grunt)

"I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them." - Steve Martin

"Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women." Groucho Marx

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - You Know You're From Michigan if....

1. You've never met any celebrities.

2. "Vacation" means going to Cedar Point.

3. At least 1 member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan/Michigan State game.

4. Half the change in your pocket is Canadian... eh!

5. You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

6. Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange
barrel.

7. You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.

8. It's easy to get VERNORS ginger ale and Sanders hot fudge sauce, and Faygo pop.

9. You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".

10. You've had to switch on the "heat" and the "A/C" in the same day.

11. You bake with SODA and drink a POP.

12. The movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight" wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary.

13. Your little league game was snowed out.

14. The word "thumb" has geographical, rather than anatomical significance.

15. You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your right hand.

16. Traveling coast-to-coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.

17. You measure distance in miles not minutes.

18. When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left".

19. You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but isn't that far from Hell.

20. Your year has 2 seasons: Winter and Construction.

21. Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas.

22. You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.

23. Owning a Japanese car was a hangin' offense in your hometown.

24. You believe that "down south" means Toledo.

25. You refer to Bad Axe as 'Nasty Hatchet'

26. The Krauts in Frankenmuth love to see pictures of your Christmas tree.

27. You lost your virginity up at Higgins or Houghton to some skank from Detroit.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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TRANSLUCENT JELLYFISH - MANY COLORS - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/173172.html

AFRICAN ANGERS - BIRDS SURROUND GIRAFFE - LION HIDES IN WAIT! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/173175.html

STRANGE MILITARY JET PAINT JOB - MONSTER LIZARD NOSE! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/173667.html

MY HOW HOCKEY HAS CHANGED - STRANGE SPORTS NHL ICE CREW GALS - HOT BLONDE - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/173668.html

STRANGE SPORTS - 1933 OREGON STATE FOOTBALL TRIES THE "PYRAMID PLAY" - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173330.html

NOMINEE FOR PARENT(S) OF THE YEAR! - DRIVING MOTORCYCLE OVER THE OUTSTRETCHED HANDS ON LITTLE BOYS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/172740.html

AMAZING HORSES - KISS - SHARING A CARROT - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/173405.html

STRANGE OLDE SPORTS STARS & CELEBS - MICKEY MANTLE - DORIS DAY - CARY GRANT - ROGER MARIS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/173635.html

STRANGE OLDE RACE CARS - 1970 PLYMOUTH SUPER BIRD - ROAD RUNNER - 3 ON CAR CARRIER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173249.html

AMAZING NASA EARTH PHOTOS FROM SPACE SHUTTLE - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/173649.html

CHARLIE SHEEN REALLY IS CRAZY! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/173658.html

LINDSEY LOHAN STEALS CRIMINAL COURT MICROPHONE - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/173659.html

STRANGE CONCEPT CARS - 1958 PLYMOUTH CABANA STATION WAGON - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/173255.html

LINDSEY LOHAN - FACE STAYS THE SAME - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/173554.html

JOHNNY CASH - STRANGE SHERIFF'S OFFICE OFFICIAL BADGE - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/173660.html

STRANGE CONCEPT CARS - 1955 FORD MYSTIQUE CONCEPT CAR - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/173258.html

STRANGE PREDATORS - 400 COYOTE PELTS SHOT IN 3 MONTHS - DUPREE, SD - 2 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/173663.html

STRANGE NEEDLE NOSED INSECT - GOOFY LOOKING! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/173735.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week -

content/category/100656_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

9 Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime....... - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/173634.html

It's ALL About The "Green" Thing - Yesterday vs. Today - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/173665.html

The English Version of Terrorist Threat Level - Updated - John Cleese - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/173666.html

You Might be From San Francisco If? - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/22699.html

You Might Be a New Jersey Driver if? - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/22701.html

New Drivers License Application in Southern Florida - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/24201.html

You Know You're In San Francisco When...... - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/24519.html

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The Featured New Category This Week -

content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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[b3ta] "Your weekly dose of lies and viral adverts"

 

This Week:
* SPOCK - What's in his scanner?
* EVA BRAUN - in black-face makeup
* MATT BAKER - vs the PM

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're rubbing our
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | rude bits until
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| excitement happens"

B3ta email 470 - 11 Mar 2011

Read this issue using Netscape Navigator Gold:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue470/

Lovers: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Fighters: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: BRINK! THE BESTEST GAME EVER!
(Sponsored linky)

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game, this is some unique awesome foo.
Steamworks integration too, did you hear us?
STEAMWORKS INTEGRATION MUDDY FUNSTERS. Windows,
Xbox 360, PS3. This is too good, kids with Wiis.
Out 20th May, but check out the website for
some bonuses for ordering early.
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>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Your money means we can be arsed to write this
shit instead of just pissing around on Twitter.
Divert some of your ad spend our way:
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Kebabs, Spock, Bikes

>> What's in Spock's scanner? <<
If you've ever wondered what Spock looks at when
he stares into that tiny screen on the
Enterprise bridge, wonder no more! "This is part
one in a series," predicts Black Moon, "(if this
one does well)."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner

>> Twats on bikes <<
"Recently I have noticed an alarming increase in
the numbers of people who see cycling as a great
way to 'dress to impress' in the Shoreditch,
Hoxton and East London fringes," explains nitro
fan. "I felt what they really needed was a
cycling club of their own, hence The Hoxton
Wheelers Cycling Club blog." He'd also like you
to send him your own pics of any likely Wheelers
members, ie. dickheads.
http://hoxtonwheelers.blogspot.com/

>> I'm waiting for my fucking kebab! <<
"I'm either going to hell or getting bottled
for this edit," complains burnside, "It's a
portrait of modern day Binge Britain from the
all-seeing eye(s) of kebab shops.' It's a grim
picture of all our futures: low wage economy
and lashings of cheap booze. Or it's just some
dickheads. You decide.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Im_Waiting_For_My_Fucking_Kebab

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Stupid Colleagues

Last week we wanted to know just how dumb are
the people you are force to share an workplace
with. These people are so stupid they haven't
even worked out how to skive off on b3ta yet:
http://b3ta.com/questions/stupidcolleagues/

* WHALES - "Barney was a decent, nice-but-dim
sort of guy. One afternoon were talking about
whales and he seemed quite suspicious when I
told him they weren't fish and they breathed air.
'Ok then, so how do they breathe underwater?'
'You know when they come up to the surface and
squirt water in the air? Well that's them
breathing out,' I said, as uncondescendingly
as I could. He looked at me like I was an idiot,
then started laughing in my face. 'That's not
breathing!' He laughed. 'That's them FARTING.
Their bums are on the top and they come up to
fart! Didn't you even know that!?' 'Um... I'm
pretty sure they're breathing,' I replied,
slightly stunned by this new information.
'Think about it...' He added slowly, so I'd
understand, 'if they didn't come to the top
when they farted, their arseholes would fill
up with water and they'd sink.'
(tinpixel)

* BUNNIES - "Our receptionist had just been
away for a romantic weekend in a log cabin in
the New Forest with her boyfriend, but returned
concerned and angered. 'They were just running
around everywhere, on the road and everything,'
she complained, oblivious to the howls of
laughter around her. 'You'd think people would
take more care of their rabbits.' She couldn't
get her head round the concept of wild rabbits
once it was explained to her either. 'How did
they get there? What do they eat? Where do they
go at night? IN A HOLE??? Shut up, don't be
stupid, they would die.' I dread to think what
would happen if she saw Watership Down, her head
would probably explode."
(Stopitnowplease)

* AFRICANS - "A colleague of mine was sent to
attend a conference about some new cancer drug
trial. We asked him who the Keynote speaker had
been and he replied, 'Some African guy.' It turns
out he'd read the name 'John Charles MBioChem'
and assumed that MBioChem was his surname, as it
sounded, 'kind-of Nigerian.' All this despite
the fact that he was himself a 'Master' of
BioChemistry and had exactly the same letters
after his own name. He has since gone on to
achieve a PhD and no-one knows how."
(Guntfuggle Quackblast)

>> This Week's Question: Bodge jobs <<
To be honest, if you can't fix it with a hammer,
it wasn't worth fixing. It certainly works with
web servers. Tell us about your bodge jobs:
http://b3ta.com/questions/bodger/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Blacked-up Eva Braun <<
The Daily Mail photos of Eva Braun and her Nazi
chums make me think of our Gov. Loads of rich
people enjoying top larks whilst the country
burns. BTW: We don't want to link to the Mail
but when they find content as extraordinary as
this it's hard to say no.
http://istyosty.com/exk

>> Ode to Charlie Sheen <<
Missed the Sheen story? Rich drug addict doesn't
follow script. If caught you're meant to go
"Sorry! Rehab!" and carry on behind closed
doors. Sheen, instead, has been oddly authentic
and shouted loud and proud that he loves drugs
and hookers. This against a backdrop of being
sacked and having his kids taken off him. Fun
times, but he's given the internet several new
catchphrases and, hey, some new material for the
Autotune the News guys to work with:
http://j.mp/gJxdQP

>> Kate Middleton For The Win Tumblr <<
Lots and lots of pics of Kate looking moderately
attractive (we see her as a more effective
version of Michelle Heaton) with LOL WE'RE RICH
captions. This made the official B3ta wife spit
feathers.
http://katemiddletonforthewin.tumblr.com


>> Poor old Assange <<
The plot to smear Julian Assange's name
continues. 1. Rapist. 2. Anti-semite & now 3.
Cat hater.
http://goo.gl/rfeAb

>> Asda dating <<
The story behind this stuff is it's basically a
white label product. A third party business
called ukdating.com sets up as partner, uses the
brand to get a bit of traction and everyone
pockets a few quid. Quite a result to get Asda
on board though, as everyone will laugh at it
thereby getting tons of publicity. Should we
want to, we could probably set up B3ta dating
with these shits. Or, more alarmingly, Sickipedia
dating.
http://asdadating.co.uk/

>> More Etsy lols <<
In the week when Etsy was demanding $$$ from
mockery site Regretsy for use of their images
comes a new way to laugh along with the types
who make weird crap and flog it online: men
forced to model their girlfriends' 'crafts'. A
more glum collection of guys you've never seen.
Still, laugh away, as they might look stupid but
they are getting laid.
http://bit.ly/ggnaXC

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Look again, it's only flashing pixels

>> Police typing lols <<
We've been interviewed for TV occasionally, and
there's often a bit where they say "let's just
get a shot of you tapping away at your PC". They
use it to mask transitions, else your interview would
be full of jump cuts and look jarring. It's not
normally done quite this badly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Police_IT_Skills

>> MP Air Guitar <<
Some lovely found footage of an MP in
parliament, idly doing a bit of air guitar
whilst another drones on, superbly cut to
audio of someone shredding a guitar. Made us
want to punch the air.
http://b3ta.com/links/MP_rocks_Parliament_with_air_guitar

>> Matt Baker mocks David Cameron <<
An unlikely event this; the Gov organised a
lovely bit of PR for themselves and PM Cameron went on
the fluffy One Show to deliver some bullshit
message to the people. All heavily scripted and
tightly rehearsed. Then one person didn't play
ball. Right at the end of the interview,
presenter Matt Baker threw in an unscripted dig
that was so masterfully done it could just be
an ambiguous question. Wonderful. Also interesting
insight into the newspapers as The Guardian and
The Mirror managed to review this exchange as
"comfy" and "fluffy". Our theory is that they didn't watch
the broadcast but reviewed a pre-prepared
script. Ho hum. And let's hope Matt Baker
doesn't get shuffled off permanently to Country File; we
can't imagine BBC brass will be letting him near
anything contentious again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I32Tgc3Ih8U

>> Football animation <<
If football always looked and sounded this nice,
we could probably stand to watch an entire game.
But just one.
http://youtu.be/cRZMjHzWXQc

>> Conga Dogs <<
"Dog on a trike, leading a conga! Dog on a
trike, leading a conga! It's the best thing in
the world. Dog on a trike, leading a conga! Singy
the songa, the remix is longer" etc etc.
http://j.mp/gwiw7u

>> "You're so hot" <<
Duel between two guys who use their sexuality as
a weapon.
http://t.co/7isNgIs

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Also featuring "cock monthly"

* UNFUNNY NAME CORNER - Second-highest paid exec
at Barclays is named Rich Ricci.
http://bit.ly/ia0RhR

* PENISY TITLE.GIF - It's easy to mock that their
logo looks like a cock.
http://easymock.org/

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the LEGO Challenge

Last week we set a one word challenge: LEGO!

Your favourites included:

* TERMINATOR - he'll be back, this time rendered
in injection-moulded plastic (Joe Scaramanga)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10352342

* EXORCIST - perfect plastic re-enactment of
*that* scene, only lacking in vomit (E Dubya)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10354292

* TERROR - Legoland undergoes an attack eerily
reminiscent of 9/11 (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10352662

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/lego/

>> New challenge: Film Baddies in TV Sitcom <<
Imagine if movie bad guys started showing up in
TV sitcoms - Darth Maul as David Brent, or The
Terminator running the show in Yes, Minister -
then use that imagination to create an
impressive entry for this week's challenge.
Suggested by Afinkawan.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/filmbaddies/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* NZ RUMBLES ON - ElGranto writes, "I'm a
lifelong Christchurch resident and, like many,
many others, I've been affected by the recent
earthquake. Unlike Marcus Gower, I took no
offence from last week's Top Tip. Not the
funniest gag in the world, but it was kind of
nice to see my poor little town get some props
on one of my favourite websites and, for me at
least, part of getting over such a tragedy is
trying to scrape a laugh out of it where you
can. While I appreciate Mr Gower standing up for
us from all the way up in the North Island,
please rest assured that one joke on a noted
humour site is not causing any lost sleep down
here. I just wish we'd had a better QOTW."
Hooray, so we can move to NZ to hide from the
West's economic meltdown then? Also, in breaking
news, Japan, but we'll avoid making the same
gags about them.

* EVERY B3TA QOTW IN EBOOK FORMAT - we've
covered this earlier but the project is now
completed, fredthedeadhead writes, "You can now
download every single past qotw in epub format.
You'll have to install Calibre (which is
basically amazing for organising and converting
ebooks)."
http://goo.gl/m9NIK

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include:

* SS MEMORABILIA OF THE FUTURE = want to earn a
few quid on eBay in the future? Stock up now on
the free pens from Barclays. Come the revolution
it'll be like having an attic full of Nazi
uniforms.

* MUSIC GAMES - Here's one we play: "hear" a
tune in your head and hum the first note out
loud. Then check Spotify and see if you've got
the pitch right. This might also work with BPM
but we haven't bothered trying that yet.

* FRANKENSTEIN MODELS - Luke Jerromes writes,
"Hey, I was in WHSmiths the other day, and I
noticed there seemed to be a row of those first
issue 'create a thing' magazines. You pay 99p
for the first issue, and get a magazine and the
first piece towards the eventual object you will
have created. After that, the prices go up to
about £7, and for that you get a tiny
insignificant piece of what is probably to be an
unachieved ambition. I was just wondering, could
a b3tan create something out of all the pieces
of first issue magazines?"

* GOOGLE MAPS UBER ALLES - McClairey asks,
"Could someone please invent a thing which
changes all maps on websites into Google maps?
Trying to find my nearest bank branch on their
Bing maps function is like wading through a box
of geographical vomit." Yep, ban that Bing thing.

* IPHONE SCRATCH CARDS - an idea so evil we've
explained it more fully here:
http://goo.gl/OEKfi

Send your bottles of e-piss via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: Keep sending us emails, we read them all.

-------------------------------------------------

Subwoofer: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Submeower: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by the proles of the
future: sitting at home earning pennies as a
knowledge worker, only speaking to people who
they agree with via twitter, also sinister_prog,
MeatSafeMurderer, TheMichaelMoran, oholiab,
sicalcutt, via Pazuzu, sheesidd, @oholiab,
mothdust and @JaneLMcGrath. Top Tippery 2 by
835Rocks. Additional linkage and image challenge
by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via WormuIus.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
If the government wants to stop people buying
fags why not, on opening, make the packets
explode with shit and piss?

Actually, screw health warnings on fag packets.
They should just print them with embarrassing
messages. "I have VD" "I touch kids" "I voted
Tory"

TOP TIP 2
Car manufacturers! Tune your car horns to
a note on a C Major chord. Traffic jams
would become a musical joy to listen to.

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Vol 988 - Mar. 09, 2011 - Word Games - Strange Alternate Meaning for Various Words

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Good looking people turn me off. Myself included." - Patrick Swayze, Actor

"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." - Pedro Guerrero, Baseball player, on reporters

"Guys aren't able to get $15 or $20 million anymore, so you have to play for the love of the game." - Penny Hardaway, NBA Basketball Player

"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." - Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"I don't think we learned a lesson; I think it was a learning experience for us."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, after game 4 of the 2001 NBA finals, on being asked by NBC reporter Jim Gray if LA had learned a lesson from what happened the previous year in Indiana

"I consider Madonna a friend, and she sure knows how to work the publicity machine. Of course, I don't have breasts. If I did have, I'd be in the number one spot over Madonna."
- Spike Lee, Director

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." - Stuart Pearce

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -Word Games - Alternate Meaning for Various Words

The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

The following were some of the winning entries:

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

FISHING FUN - STRANGE LITTLE SHARK IN BIG SHARKS MOUTH! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/173174.html

STRANGE OLDE GAS STATIONS - 1940'S FULL SERVICE STATION - WASH WINDOWS - CHECK TIRES - FILL TANK - CHECK OIL - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/173305.html

STRANGE DRIVE INN'S AND 'CRUISIN' STOPS - XXX ROOT BEER - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/173475.html

STRANGE US DOLLAR BILLS FROM THE PAST - $0.25 CENT BANK NOTE - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/173042.html

USS IOWA - BB-61 - BROADSIDE ALL 9 16 INCH GUNS BLAST SIMULTANEOUSLY! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/173522.html

STARK BORDER CONTRAST BETWEEN US AND MEXICO - SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA! LOOKING TOWARDS THE OCEAN - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/173528.html

NOMINEE FOR PARENT(S) OF THE YEAR! - TRICYCLE IN THE MIDDLE OF CITY TRAFFIC - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/172738.html

SNOOKIE GETTING DRUNK - HUGE MARGARETTA WITH 2 CORONAS DRAINING INTO IT! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/173536.html

STRANGE AUSTRALIAN TRUCKS - ROAD TRAIN - FUEL TANKS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173126.html

STRANGE GOLF CART - 1956 FORD PICKUP TRUCK - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/173132.html

STRANGE CONCEPT CARS - 1964 PLYMOUTH ROAD RUNNER - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/173252.html

OLDE MEDICAL DEVICES - HANGOVER CURE - ICE CUBE FACE-MASK - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173629.html

GREAT HUNTING SPOT - ALL THE ELK IN A SMALL LAKE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/173156.html

MILITARY JET - PILOTS FANTASTIC VIEW FROM COCKPIT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/173537.html

AIR SHOW DISASTER - HOT AIR BALLOON SLAMS INTO 4 BUILDINGS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173539.html

STRANGE AND CLEVER WAYS TO CHEAT ON TESTS AND EXAMS - http://www.strangecollege.com/content/item/173626.html

OLDE STARS AND THEIR CARS - STRANGE MATCHING SONNY & CHER MUSTANGS - PINK? - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/173627.html

STRANGE POLICE PROBLEM - THE LOCKED THEMSELVES OUT OF COP CAR! - DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/173630.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - MISC - EARTHQUAKES - TSUNAMIS - FLOODS - SINKHOLES - VOLCANO

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/100309_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Thanksgiving Day Facts - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/173631.html

10 Strange Clubs and Secret Societies - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/173632.html

7 Strange Accidents and Deaths - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/173633.html

Personality Test - What Cartoon Character are You? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/21707.html

Rhetorical Wisdom - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21956.html

- Why English is Such a Difficult Language - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/24429.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - MISC - EARTHQUAKES - TSUNAMIS - FLOODS - SINKHOLES - VOLCANO

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Good looking people turn me off. Myself included." - Patrick Swayze, Actor

"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." - Pedro Guerrero, Baseball player, on reporters

"Guys aren't able to get $15 or $20 million anymore, so you have to play for the love of the game." - Penny Hardaway, NBA Basketball Player

"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." - Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"I don't think we learned a lesson; I think it was a learning experience for us."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, after game 4 of the 2001 NBA finals, on being asked by NBC reporter Jim Gray if LA had learned a lesson from what happened the previous year in Indiana

"I consider Madonna a friend, and she sure knows how to work the publicity machine. Of course, I don't have breasts. If I did have, I'd be in the number one spot over Madonna."
- Spike Lee, Director

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." - Stuart Pearce

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -Word Games - Alternate Meaning for Various Words

The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

The following were some of the winning entries:

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

FISHING FUN - STRANGE LITTLE SHARK IN BIG SHARKS MOUTH! - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/173174.html

STRANGE OLDE GAS STATIONS - 1940'S FULL SERVICE STATION - WASH WINDOWS - CHECK TIRES - FILL TANK - CHECK OIL - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/173305.html

STRANGE DRIVE INN'S AND 'CRUISIN' STOPS - XXX ROOT BEER - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/173475.html

STRANGE US DOLLAR BILLS FROM THE PAST - $0.25 CENT BANK NOTE - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/173042.html

USS IOWA - BB-61 - BROADSIDE ALL 9 16 INCH GUNS BLAST SIMULTANEOUSLY! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/173522.html

STARK BORDER CONTRAST BETWEEN US AND MEXICO - SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA! LOOKING TOWARDS THE OCEAN - http://www.strangemedical.com/content/item/173528.html

NOMINEE FOR PARENT(S) OF THE YEAR! - TRICYCLE IN THE MIDDLE OF CITY TRAFFIC - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/172738.html

SNOOKIE GETTING DRUNK - HUGE MARGARETTA WITH 2 CORONAS DRAINING INTO IT! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/173536.html

STRANGE AUSTRALIAN TRUCKS - ROAD TRAIN - FUEL TANKS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173126.html

STRANGE GOLF CART - 1956 FORD PICKUP TRUCK - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/173132.html

STRANGE CONCEPT CARS - 1964 PLYMOUTH ROAD RUNNER - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/173252.html

OLDE MEDICAL DEVICES - HANGOVER CURE - ICE CUBE FACE-MASK - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/173629.html

GREAT HUNTING SPOT - ALL THE ELK IN A SMALL LAKE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/173156.html

MILITARY JET - PILOTS FANTASTIC VIEW FROM COCKPIT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/173537.html

AIR SHOW DISASTER - HOT AIR BALLOON SLAMS INTO 4 BUILDINGS! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/173539.html

STRANGE AND CLEVER WAYS TO CHEAT ON TESTS AND EXAMS - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/173626.html

OLDE STARS AND THEIR CARS - STRANGE MATCHING SONNY & CHER MUSTANGS - PINK? - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/173627.html

STRANGE POLICE PROBLEM - THE LOCKED THEMSELVES OUT OF COP CAR! - DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/173630.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - MISC - EARTHQUAKES - TSUNAMIS - FLOODS - SINKHOLES - VOLCANO

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/100309_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Thanksgiving Day Facts - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/173631.html

10 Strange Clubs and Secret Societies - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/173632.html

7 Strange Accidents and Deaths - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/173633.html

Personality Test - What Cartoon Character are You? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/21707.html

Rhetorical Wisdom - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21956.html

- Why English is Such a Difficult Language - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/24429.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - MISC - EARTHQUAKES - TSUNAMIS - FLOODS - SINKHOLES - VOLCANO

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 987 - Mar. 06, 2011 - If Men Ruled the World - Top 26 List

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Q: "What has recording alone taught you?"
Paul McCartney: "That to make your own decisions about what you do is easy, and playing with yourself is very difficult but satisfying."

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you.""

"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."

"I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it is true lightness." – Alicia Silverstone!

"A wok is what you throw at a wabbit." unknown

"RENTAL CAR: The only *TRUE* all-terrain vehicle". --known - but unidentified

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - If Men Ruled the World - Top 26 List

IF MEN RULED THE WORLD: TOP 26 LIST

1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

12. Garbage would take itself out.

13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

19. "COPS" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

20. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like whiskey and beer.

22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).

23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.

24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.

25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered toilet seats.

26. 2011 Cloning Act: "Only Jessica Alba may be cloned."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

HUGE GROUPER SURROUNDED BY THOUSANDS OF TINY FISH - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/173171.html

HOBO NICKELS - STRANGE DEPRESSION ERA TALENTS - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/173450.html

USS CAPE ESPERANCE - CVE 88 - PASSING UNDER GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE SAN FRANCISCO HARBOR - 1954 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/173451.html

STRANGE DRIVE INN'S AND 'CRUISIN' STOPS - KING PIG BAR-B-Q - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173466.html

CUTE LITTLE BOX TURTLE - MUNCHING ON A FLOWER - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/172904.html

STRANGE TOILETS AND URINALS AROUND THE WORLD - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173221.html

OLDE TOURIST TRAPS & VACATION SPOTS - LONDON - WEMBLEY AMUSEMENT PARK - 1924 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173485.html

STRANGE DANGERS - LIGHTNING STRIKE SMALL LAKE - VERY CLOSE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173501.html

NEW ROYAL WEDDING GEAR JUST OUT - THE OFFICIAL ROYAL WEDDING SICK BAG! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173523.html

STRANGE CAMOUFLAGE DEMONSTRATION - THE TOP PART REALLY WORKS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/173524.html

STRANGE ZOO - SHARKS GET A WIDE BERTH FROM SMALLER FISH - RESPECT OR FEAR? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/173525.html

STRANGE FRECKLED BLONDE WITH CURIOUS BRAIDED HAIR - AMAZING FAUX GOOGLES - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/173526.html

NOMINEE FOR PARENT(S) OF THE YEAR! - BEING CARRIED LIKE A LEG OF LAMB! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/172737.html

STRANGE FAMILY MOTORCYCLE WHEELIE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173128.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN AMPHIBIOUS ASSAULT SHIP - BEACH LANDING TROOPS - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/173143.html

HARSH CONDITIONS - SIBERIAN OIL WORKERS - WHAT A MESS - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/173277.html

OLDE WEST PHOTOS - STAGECOACH - MANY PASSENGERS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/172965.html

STRANGE OLDE IDEAS - GIRL BRASS BAND IN BARN PLAYS SOOTHING MUSIC FOR DAIRY COWS. - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/173527.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - BRIDGES - BUILDINGS - GAS STATIONS - JUNK YARDS - DEALERSHIPS - PARKING LOTS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100726_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The First Woman To Cast a Vote Did so with Her Feet! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173555.html

Strange Pain Facts: Why Paper Cuts Hurt so Much - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/173556.html

Why Black Cats Are Considered Bad Luck - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/173557.html

Duct Tape was Originally Named "Duck" Tape and Came in Green, Not Silver - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173558.html

70 Light Bulb Jokes - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/102520.html

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/118478.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - BRIDGES - BUILDINGS - GAS STATIONS - JUNK YARDS - DEALERSHIPS - PARKING LOTS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Facebook has been blocked in Libya. Colonel Gaddafi likes this."

 

This Week:
* EXCITEMENT - There's a thing on the internet!
* THRILLS - Some of our friends know MYSQL!
* SPILLS - Oops, there goes our tea

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're getting poorer
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | in our content
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| dungeon... together"

B3ta 'virtual reality turnip' 469 - 4 March 2011

Shit this out your content pipe:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue469/

Civil Partnership:b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Uncivil P'ship: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Wonderful, lovely T-Shirts

Charlie Sheen continues to lose the plot as
world watches in wonder. ShotDead makes t-shirts
to support Charlie on his mission. Click here to
see all of our amazingly dumb t-shirts and get
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over £50...
http://bit.ly/aYSgm3

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Oscars, Maths, Lego, Cats and Cameras

>> Colin Firth's Oscar acceptance speech <<
The King's Speech star rather movingly accepts
his award. Nicely done, ratbanjos.
http://goo.gl/jzkBR

>> Enthusiastic maths <<
"Here's my fast, rambling talk containing
Euler's Identity (and other maths), explained in
five minutes. Hard stuff is fun," explains the
impeccably-bearded WrittenBittern. This is like
the Open University as a stand-up gig - we
didn't understand it, but it was fun to try to
follow along.
http://goo.gl/qmFyq

>> Album covers recreated in LEGO. <<
"Take a looky," writes Lego and music fan
savage^.
http://goo.gl/CrToR

>> Cat vs Cat & Printer - The Translation <<
A cheeky cat winds up his friend, as they hang
round the printer. Slurpy J lends his golden
vocal chords to another popular youTube vid.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cat_vs_Cat_Printer_The_Translation

>> Camera Capture <<
"This is my attempt at discovering what those
strange modes on your digital camera do," blurts
Sheep! Kids, don't try this at home.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Camera_Capture

-------------------------------------------------

BragItUp.com - Miserable weather. Need a
holiday. Just got paid. Find luxury holiday
deals with up to 70% off from Voyage Prive.
Deals today include Sechelles, Berlin, Jamaica,
Amsterdam.... (linky sponsored)
http://tinyurl.com/5uqsl5y

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Drunk Parents

Old people? Drunk? How do you think we were all
conceived in the first place, lovely readers?
Snigger at the drunkards here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/drunkparents/

* POO - "Back in the mid 80s my grandfather had
an allotment and an arrangement with a local
farmer to get cheap horse manure as fertilizer.
When I was 4 or 5 my grandfather called up my
old man to ask if we'd come and help him. So
next day my father and grandfather toddle off
to the farmer's with a barrow to pick up a load
of shit for the allotment. Hours pass. My mother
and grandmother, wondering where they've got to,
decide to check the local pub. We walk up there
to find my very drunk father, my very drunk
grandfather, and a very drunk friend of my
grandfather's being hosed off in the car park by
the landlord. Apparently they'd picked up the
shit from the farm and had been wheeling it back
to the allotments next to the pub when they'd met
an old Navy friend of my grandfather's, who'd
suggested a break for light refreshment in the
pub. They'd sat outside, barrow of shit at their
table, and had sunk several pints when an argument
erupted. My grandfather, a reasonable fellow, had
dipped his hand into the squishy barrow of horse
poop and thrown a wet clod directly into my
father's face. He'd responded in kind and then
degenerated into a sort of three-way shit-flinging
competition, jumping around like drunken chimps,
chucking faeces at each other until the landlord
came out with a hosepipe and separated them.
They both slept in the conservatory that night."
(Zapiola)

* HORSE - "After a Christmas party one year, my
parents went upstairs, presumably, to go to bed.
Ten minutes later, I could hear thumps and muffled
giggling coming from the upstairs landing. Unsure
what I was about to see, I went to investigate.
There, on the landing, were my parents, draped in
a bedsheet and bumping into walls. "What the fuck
are you two doing?" After a bit more giggling,
mum's voice came floating out from under the sheet,
"We're being a horse!"
(Smash Monkey)

* PWNED - "My Dad rarely gets drunk in front of
the family; but back in the 70s he was a bit of
a wild child. He was into punk and had a large
multi-coloured Mohican. Travelling back from a
gig a bit worse for wear he sat opposite an oldish
type of chap who was just staring at my dad's hair.
After about ten minutes, he decided that he wasn't
going to take it anymore and piped up with,
"What are you staring at old man? Have you never
done anything crazy before?" To which the old man
replied, without a pause, "Got drunk once and had
sex with a Cockatiel... I was just wondering if
you were my son?"
(bROKEN aRROW)

>> This Week's Question <<
How stupid are your colleagues? Who is barely
able to walk and talk at the same time? Remember,
if you can't think of anyone, it's you. Talk to
us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/stupidcolleagues/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Ace Google Street View images <<
An awesome selection of excellent Streetview
images. Or are they just street photography,
with the google interface whapped on in
Photoshop? Who knows? Good though.
http://9-eyes.com/

>> Imagine a Jump <<
Nicely done John Lennon vs Van-Halen mash-up.
Who would have thought Van Halen could be so
haunting?
http://goo.gl/r0CTF

>> You are not a photographer <<
Snarky blog showing dreadful photos from people
who've set up as professional photographers.
Some dreadful photoshop abuse here.
http://youarenotaphotographer.com/

>> Cats quote Charlie Sheen <<
When someone very publicly has a mental
breakdown, the internet reacts in two ways:
adding their quotes to lolcats; adding their
quotes to New Yorker cartoons. Here's the cats.
Disappointingly no "tiger blood".
http://goo.gl/DTIQJ

>> Free food for greedy bastards <<
Fantastic news, if your taste runs to 28-inch
pizzas, 50-pound burgers or face-melting phaal -
a round-up of (mostly US-based) restaurants
where, if you finish the meal you get it for
free. Is there a list for the UK massive?
http://goo.gl/48efJ

>> 3D animated GIFs <<
Faux-3D animated GIFs - just take 2 pics very
close together and then flip between them. We
really like this sort of thing.
http://3erd.tumblr.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like TV but not owned by Rupert Murdoch

>> Cocky school fun <<
Niblet writes, "Just looking at the video links
on Google Maps, noticed this video from my local
secondary school, nice to see an age old
tradition has been brought up to date..." Click
the video in the middle of the map.
http://goo.gl/maps/wlF9

>> Animal Beatbox <<
Jonti Picking first noticed the ryhthmic
potential of repeated animal names with his
classic 'Badger Badger Badger.' An idea that
lives on with awesome mentalness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxiSP_ch_oI

>> Radiohead vs. fish <<
Thom's odd dancing in Lotus Flower made us think
of Frank Gallagher on a bad E, with a bit of
Kate Bush and Talking Heads thrown in. Still,
he's got less of a belly that most of the dads
at the school gate and his moves are a gift to
internet-lolsters. Our only critism is this
could be longer.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/and_another

>> Mental bike race <<
The VCA bike race is just fucking nuts - held
every year in Chile and obviously utterly
lethal. And props to this guy doing it in a
pinstripe city suit.
http://bit.ly/efG6rQ

>> Google's automatic cars <<
Do you know someone who earns their living
through driving? Tell them to retrain. And if
you think stuff like this wouldn't be allowed on
our roads then don't underestimate the power of
business to lobby government to do what they
bloody like. Still, cool, cool tech.
http://youtu.be/t9Fxp3HK6DI

>> Obligatory funny cat video <<
We've turned a corner in cat vids - it used to
be enough to see a kitten do something cute like
fall asleep, then we moved onto stronger stuff
like watching them jump into walls. The latest
trends appear to be punking cats to make them
look stupid. Be warned internet, this can only
end with fireworks strapped to cats. Ooh, and
speaking of things we'd like to see next week...*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcxL1-OH2hI

*NO. It's a joke. Not that. PLEASE.
-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Kittenscience Challenge

Last week we wanted you to picture kittens.
Doing science.

Your favourites included:

* SCHRÖDINGER - the startling truth behind
*that* bin incident (tokyosexwhale)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10346553

* CHAOS - Keyboard Cat struggles to control his
latest experiment (randomscally)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10348452

* SURVEY - like the census, but for cats (mofaha)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10345830

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/kittenscience/

>> New challenge: LEGO <<
Lego celebrated its 50th anniversary in 2008,
but we're marking the occasion right now with a
one-word challenge: LEGO! Suggested by epiphany,
Afinkawan, The Great Architect and op op op op op
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/lego/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* CYBERSEX CREDITS - John Q Wagonwheel writes,
"Re: cyber sex in the latest newsletter. This is
the work of Doug Stanhope, him off of Screenwipe
and a brilliant comedian. He practically
invented cybersex chatroom trolling, and there
are sites full of his exploits." Hmm, 10 seconds
on Wikipedia gives us "In October 2006, he
self-published a book, Fun with Pedophiles: The
Best of Baiting." Lovely stuff.
http://baiting.org/

* NEW ZEALAND COMPLAINTS - Marcus Gower writes,
"I think that the top tip about the Ants and New
Zealand was maybe stretching it to far. I'm
living in the North Island but I know people who
have been affected by the earthquake and it's not
been nice for our little country. To make up for
it, why don't you post a link to the Red Cross so
people could donate to help us out?" OK Marcus.
But we're only doing this because we think NZ
might be a nice place to hide when America loses
grip on the Middle East and tries to nuke China.
http://www.redcross.org.nz/cms_display.php

* BANK GOTH FUN - jon_dunbar, "About the bank vs
customer story, I actually met that guy last
summer in a place where Americans aren't allowed
to visit. Just wanted to come to his defence:
he's not a goth. He's a sanguinarian vampire.
Here's a video that explains it better."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNCFWgt4q0E

* FRETTED CELLO - "I'm sure a gazillion people
have already mentioned this, but 'a cello with
guitar tuning and frets' already exists: it's
called an arpeggione, and was meant to enable
classical guitarists to play 'cello-like things
by learning a few bowing techniques. Some
luthiers make them nowadays, even some electric
ones. But yes, I want one too. Especially a
plastic one."

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Famous objects from classic movies

Ring. Bike with basket. Suitcase with glowing
stuff inside it. What movies are these?
http://famousobjectsfromclassicmovies.com/

This linky was everywhere this week, and was
created by designer Ji Lee from the Google
Creative Lab, who are "recruiting an army of
young creative and tech talent, training them
and sending them out into the industry to
conquer it from within." An extraordinary policy
that's a bit like the Borg.
http://creativity-online.com/news/the-google-creative-lab/146084

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If you
are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include:

* THEHONESTIFICATOR - Ben Goldacre writes,
"Apparently the Government have leaned on the
BBC to use the word 'savings' instead of 'cuts'.
Be nice if someone made something that
re-substituted 'cuts' back in." Hmm, we had a
quick go but we're sure our members could do a
better job of it:
http://www.robmanuel.com/2011/03/03/the-honestificator/

* RETRO NATIONAL RAIL GAME - *not logged in*
writes, "This would make an awesome map for an
old Spectrum-style game."
http://www.nationalrail.co.uk/stations/sjp/PAD/plan.html?rtnloc=PAD

* IDEAS FOR NEW JOBS - seeing that globalisation
and tech is swallowing up all the old ones.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look at
everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Lovers: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Haterz: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by mums who love cock,
spunky-dunky, sausagesarenotheonlyfruit,
aidsbreath, i'll-pay-you-with-my-rape-stick,
sinisterduck, Meglos, @CakeGroup, @Aiannucci,
jesushairdresser, Si o doom, rikweber, xixax,
hiraeth, @whatwhated @MelTheDroog, nocturne72,
@LDNCalling. Top Tippery by Rotating Wobbly Hat
Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser
Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via
prodigy69.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Makers of automobile commercials! Give the cars
number plates with symmetrical characters i.e.
numbers 1,8 and 0 and any letters from
A,H,I,M,O,T,U,V,W,X and Y. In any combination,
it doesn't matter. That way you can film the
advert once and then flip the image for adverts
in markets with left hand drive instead of
right-hand and the image doesn't look wrong.

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Vol 986 - Mar. 02, 2011 - Strange Military Instructions & Information

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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==================================

"Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally."
Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930's

One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the
Strange Military Quotes:

Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine... - From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook

"The best tank terrain is that without anti-tank weapons." -Russian military doctrine.

..At a prewar diplomatic conference, the Nazi Foreign Minister Ribbentrop "sniffed" to Eden and Churchill that if there was another war, the Italians would be on Germany's side!
To which Churchill supposedly replied: "that seems only fair, we had them last time!"...

"The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis." - from a post-war debriefing of a German General

Pearl Harbour Radio Operator: "Is there anything that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!"
... Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received from the Marines on Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, and a lot of bitching." -Unknown

The best armor is staying out of gun-shot. -Italian proverb

There is no problem that cannot be solved by the use of high explosives. - Bumper Sticker

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Military Instructions & Information

Strange Military Instructions & Information

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Marine Corps training manual

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Pilot training manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you ... panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance officer

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anonymous

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base, Kadena, Japan

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." --From an old carrier sailor

"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up, the pilot dies."

"Never trade luck for skill."

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where the hell are we?" and "Oh Shit!"

"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE PETS - GOURMET MEALS PREPARED FOR HAMSTER - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/173173.html

HOT SPORTS - SUPER CARS - WOW - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/172680.html

STRANGE OLDE JAPANESE CONCEPT CARS - 1977 TOYOTA SUPRA CAL-1 - RUMBLESEAT! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/173320.html

3 TINY BIRDS HANGING FROM A NEST - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/172908.html

STRANGE US DOLLAR BILLS FROM THE PAST - $15.00 DOLLAR AMERICAN BANK NOTE - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/173041.html

STRANGE SPORTS - EXTREME ENGLISH SOCCER FAN - MANCHESTER UNITED FULL BACK TATTOO! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173367.html

STRANGE SPORTS - SURFING WITH THE DOLPHINS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/173372.html

MOSCOW AUTOMOBILE MUSEUM - 1958 JAGUAR MARK IX - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/172729.html

AMAZING HORSES - PALOMINOS CROSS THE RIVER - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/173394.html

STRANGE SPORTS - MICHAEL SCHUMACHER'S ISLAND GIFT FROM CROWN PRINCE OF DUBAI - 1 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/173441.html

OLDE MILITARY JETS - F-100 SUPER SABRE SQUADRON - USAF TACTICAL COMMAND - HICKAM FIELD HAWAII - 1965 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/173442.html

STRANGE CONCEPT CARS - 1960 PLYMOUTH CONCEPT - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/173251.html

SPANISH NAVY AMPHIBIOUS AIRCRAFT CARRIER - JUAN CARLOS I - SEA TRAILS - 1 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/173142.html

OLDE RACING - ART MALONES "MAD DOG IV" DAYTONA RECORD BREAKER 181.56 MPH - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/173444.html

OLDE WEST PHOTOS - STAGECOACHES - MANY PASSENGERS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/172967.html

OLDE STARS - RITA HAYWORTH - WWII SHORTAGE AD - NO AUTO BUMPER - STEEL SHORTAGE - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/173445.html

STRANGE FARM BEAUTY SHOW - COUNTY FAIR - BEST DAIRY COW UTTERS? - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/173446.html

MARTHA STEWART IS A 15 FOOT HOT DOG! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/173449.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - STEALTH - AIRPLANES - SHIPS - SECRET EQUIPMENT - BLACK OPS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100686_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Top 9 Worst College Nicknames - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/173443.html

Strange Quotes From Athletes & Coaches - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/173447.html

Idiot Sightings - They Walk Among Us and They VOTE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/173448.html

Uncommon Wisdom From the Military... - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/115228.html

The Purina Dog Food Diet - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/119403.html

Strange Aviation Quotes - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/120159.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - STEALTH - AIRPLANES - SHIPS - SECRET EQUIPMENT - BLACK OPS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

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Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

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All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

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Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

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