Vol 955 - Nov. 14, 2010 - Strange Uses For Alka-Seltzer

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

3 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added three new features that you have been asking for.

1. GAMES UPGRADE - TOURNAMENTS - NEW FORMAT - WIN CASH & PRIZES

"NEW! Play free online games on Strange Cosmos now! Play your favorite games like Diner Dash, Cube Crasher and Bubble Town with your friends or by yourself. You can now invite your friends from Facebook to play and compete in Cash Tournaments and win fun prizes; get ready to compare each others' scores!"

NEW "OLD" GAMES ADDED! CLASSICS - FROGGER - PAC-MAN - ASTEROIDS !!!!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/games.html

2. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

3. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange'Beauty' Quotes:

Beauty is but skin deep, ugly lies the bone;
Beauty dies and fades away, but ugly holds its own.
- Anonymous

"Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people." - Richard Armour

"There are no ugly women; there are only women who do not know how to look pretty." - Antoine P. Berryer

"Looks are so deceptive that people should be done up like food packages with the ingredients clearly labeled." - Helen Hudson

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" - Jean Kerr "The Snake Has All the Lines"

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr

"The reason the all-American boy prefers beauty over brains is that the all-American boy can see better than he can think." - Farrah Fawcett Majors

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Uses For Alka-Seltzer

Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush, and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.

Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.

Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.

Clean a Thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

Remove burned-on grease from a pot or pan. Fill the pot or pan with water, drop in six Alka-Seltzer tablets, let soak for one hour, then scrub as usual.

Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

Get short-term relief from nicotine withdrawal symptoms. As long as you're not on a low-sodium diet or have peptic ulcers, drink two Alka-Seltzer tablets dissolved in a glass of water at every meal.

Soothe insect bites. Dissolve two Alka-Seltzer tablets in a glass of water, dip a cloth into the solution, and place the cloth on the bite for twenty minutes.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

1970 PORSCHE RACECAR - WORLD RECORD SALE - $4 MILLION! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/169036.html

STRANGE OLDE CLASSIC AUTOMOBILES - 1937 ADLER RENNLIMOUSINE - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/168775.html

STRANGE AFRICAN MADE FURNITURE - SKINS, TUSKS & HORNS! - LARGE CROCODILE COUCH - WOW! - http://www.strangeTravel.com/content/item/169395.html

WORLDS MOST BEAUTIFUL, HOT AND RICH LADIES - - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/169680.html

DUBAI CONSTRUCTION - 1990 - 2003 - 2010 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169864.html

DONALD TRUMPS COMB OVER HAIR STYLE - DIAGRAMMED! - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/169927.html

STRANGE FAT LIL AIRPLANE - STUBBY WINGS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/169938.html

NEW ORLEANS TRAFFIC COURT VIOLATIONS BUREAU - SPEED CAMERA CAPTURES CAR AT 133 MPH DURING HURRICANE KATRINA - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169942.html

AERIAL PHOTO OF PENTAGON - WASHINGTON DC AREA - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/169943.html

AFGHANISTAN SNIPER - COOL PANORAMA VIEW OF VALLEY TARGETS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/169944.html

ACME .50 CALIBER SNIPER RIFLE - WILEY COYOTE MODEL! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/169968.html

AWESOME AERIAL VIEWS OF SAN BRUNO CA GAS EXPLOSION DAMAGE - BEFORE AND AFTER - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/169971.html

STRANGE LITTLE RACE CAR - MEAN EYES AND TOOTHY GRILL - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/170022.html

OLDE 1960's SKIDOO - ONE OF THE ORIGINALS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/170023.html

AMAZING MOUNTAIN VIEWS - BEAUTIFUL PPS PRESENTATION W/ MUSIC - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/170025.html

AMAZING HOUSE FIRE VORTEX TORNADO - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/170026.html

STRANGE RAILROAD TRACKS - EARTHQUAKE PROBLEM - 2 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/170086.html

WASHINGTON REDSKINS CHEERLEADERS - DIDN'T ANYONE NOTICE THE SPELLING? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/170088.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - TRUCKS - VANS & MOTORCYCLES - INT'L - JAPANESE - PAKISTANI - ASIAN - WILD & CRAZY

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100720_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Aviation Quotes - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/120159.html

You Might be a Baptist If… - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/120170.html

Celebrity Bra Sizes - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/120178.html

Strange Oxymorons - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/120721.html

Compare 100 Years - Today vs. Year 1906 - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/120916.html

Strange Laws in Pennsylvania - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/120591.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - TRUCKS - VANS & MOTORCYCLES - INT'L - JAPANESE - PAKISTANI - ASIAN - WILD & CRAZY

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/115_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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[b3ta] "B3ta applauds risky Robin Hood Airport viral marketing campaign"

 

This Week:
* SONG - Millbank Wankers
* AUTOCORRECT - iPhone lols
* JUNK - Your redundant tech

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Did Thom Yorke ever
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | upgrade his OK computer
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| and get a better one?

B3ta email 454 - 12 NOV 2010

Read this issue with your psychic third eye:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue454/

Waterboarding: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Waterbonging: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Booze Amnesty

Partying around the clock is awesome but there
comes a point when your supplies get low and
you start wondering about quaffing that old
bottle of Creme De Menthe (or even Toilet
Duck) just to keep the night going. HELP IS AT
HAND! Upload your rubbish old booze to Glayva
Liqueur's facebook page and the most revolting
samples will be transformed into gorgeous
Glayva Liqueur, plus you may even win a VIP
trip to Edinburgh, where all the keenest
tipplers live.
http://on.fb.me/bHAD2l

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Protest Songs, Fingers and Bits of Essex

>> A song for the Millbank Wankers <<
"The dickheads who violently broke into Tory
HQ made me really angry," growls Dan Bull. "So
I wrote a song about what dickheads they are."
The last line succinctly summarises a lot of
people's feelings about the rogue student
rioters.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/A_song_for_the_Millbank_Wankers

>> Hand fingers <<
Mutated Monty returns with another
brain-bending vid - It looks like the title
sequence to a TV show about staring at your
hands and realising you're having a breakdown.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/hand_fingers

>> Cassetteboy vs Essex <<
"Cassetteboy have been taking food from the
hand they had been biting," confesses
cassetteboy. "Which is a rather roundabout way
of saying that a TV company actually
commissioned us to cut up one of their
programmes. We have celebrated (or should that
be betrayed) our Essex roots, with this video,
Cassetteboy vs The Only Way Is Essex"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsVO1hsrOnI

-------------------------------------------------

: NOT JUST BOOZE ADVERTISING; FAGS TOO
Sponsored linky time

Smoke at your desk and watch your boss's face.
New JAC Vapour e-cigarette - a true
alternative to smoking AND save money. For 20%
off, use code: B3TA1
http://tinyurl.com/37zfbr4

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Redundant Technology

We asked for the old bits of tech you have
lovingly hoarded because you just can't bear
to let them go. We so, so want Ring Of Fire's
clock and Inflateable's 1949 2-5/8" RB8 Acme
Gridley Automatic multispindle. Go look here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/betamax/

* "I recently threw away my collection of
printed pornography. I gathered all my mags
up, chucked them in a bin bag and dumped it in
my neighbour's bin. As I did so, I felt a tear
course down my cheek. There was no point of
leaving the collection in the woods for kids
to find, cherish and masturbate furiously to.
Bloody new-fangled internet ruining the
traditions of the past." (Crap Little Monkey)

* "There's nothing that fits the description
of redundant technology than the good, old-
fashioned letter. My best friend growing up
was Alan. Same age as me, we'd met at school
and became mates pretty quickly. This was the
early 90s. Although we were learning in IT
about a world-wide network of computers and
the prospect of electronic mail, it was still
a few years off and the main form of long
distance communication was by phone or letter.
Alan had a cousin a couple of years older than
us with whom he'd exchange letters every few
weeks - till one day Alan received a letter
full of the normal witterings, but signed off
in a way that he had never seen before. He
couldn't understand what the strange phrase
meant. So he went to his very conservative
mother. "Mum..." he asked, reading aloud from
the end of the letter, "what does 'See you NT'
mean?" It was only speaking it aloud, coupled
with the jaw-dropping horror displayed by his
mum, that made him realise he'd been properly
stitched up."
(SeasonTicketless)

* "I'm still using a Hawking-Heisenberg drive.
It never breaks, and even though it's a bit
less accurate than an iTravel, so what? It's
not like I'm going to end up before time
travel was invented and out of fuel."
(apeloverage)

>> This Week's Question: Protests <<
Have you sat in, walked out, smashed up the
head office of a major political party? Whine
at us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/protest/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Auto correct lols <<
In a really shitty UI decision, the iPhone has
a massively over-zealous autocorrect that
changes the odd word in almost everything you
type into something completely mental. It's
extremely easy to not spot this until after
you've pressed Send.
http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com

>> Chewing gum art <<
In a move that we're stuggling to describe as
"like the Wombles meets Banksy", those with
eyes should check out this dude, who's using
pavement gum as his canvas. If we could
commission him we'd get him to do a series
saying things like, "stick it in the bin you
dirty bastards."
http://bit.ly/ajdT1C

>> Worst site ever #22 <<
Shit design is always good for a cheap laugh
and if we were a fuck-off ad agency like
Mother, this is exactly what our site would
look like.
http://bit.ly/bXSrkc

>> Science! Why don't McDonald's burgers rot? <<
You've probably seen that story about
McDonalds burgers not rotting because they're
"made of chemicals" but this lovely bit of
debunking tells a different tale.
http://goo.gl/1mJOy

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Real life, 3 inches wide. Like a fat mouse.

>> The Power Of Bob Marley Compels You! <<
Squalling brat instantly soothed by the
calming power of sweet reggae music. A banana
soaked in Tia Maria also works.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Power_Of_Bob_Marley_Compels_You

>> Blackstar Warrior! <<
The legendary, lost blaxploitation Star Wars
film. Lando Calrissian is a bad mother - shut
your mouth!
http://goo.gl/hX1Hw

>> Science saved my soul <<
Serious and emotionally involving vid, as a
chap describes his, well, his religious
experience. But his one was for science, so in
your face Jesus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6w2M50_Xdk

>> Favourable Lie <<
Bloke learns not to feel fear on the golf
course, in top-notch rum ad. Huzzah.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Favourable_Lie

>> Peter Sissons on Anne Robinson <<
Unguarded clip of Peter Sissons seeing Anne
Robinson for the first time in a while.
Definitely a hint of Chris Morris in there.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Peter_Sissons_On_An_Robinson

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Funny name follow ups! Jizz special

* CHUNKY JIZZ - Sub Rosa writes, "When I
started work with the RSPB three years ago I
went on a training course about bird watching.
Imagine my horror when the trainer calmly read
out his second slide entitled 'Great tits have
a distinctive, chunky jizz.' I had to pretend
to need the loo so I could go and cry."

* ARAB JIZZ - John Q. Wagonwheel writes, "I
recommend the first chapter of this (otherwise
head-meltingly boring) book by former
ambassador Mark Allen for lols. His framework
for the book is hilariously out of touch. As
he explains in his opener, "An ornithologist
would say I am interested in the jizz of the
Arab". And this is how he carries on. In the
space of two pages he follows through with
"Arabs have jizz, big jizz", explaining that
"there is an aspirational approach to
'Arab-ness', being an Arab, and it lies, I
believe, near the heart of the Arab jizz."
http://bit.ly/akBPS3 (Google books)

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Impossible Weapons Challenge

Last week we wanted you to invent unlikely
weapons.

Your favourites included:

* PACINO - for when the Godfather gets really,
really angry (mofaha)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10241279

* MUFFINS - a brilliant array of medieval
cake-based armoury (barryheadwound)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10241173

* DARTH - Jedi knights prepare for battle with
deadly floral ammunition (Barbarossa)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10240809

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/weapons/

>> New challenge: Modernise the Queen <<
With the Queen now a presence on Facebook,
Flickr and Twitter, she's obviously interested
in integrating more fully with modern society.
Show us how Her Maj should achieve this and
get down wiv da hip kids. Challenge suggested
by HappyToast
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/modernqueen/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* GINGER FUHRER BURGLARY - "I've written a
poem addressed to the bastards who robbed the
flat yesterday. I'm fighting crime with art,"
snarls your now-very-annoyed flame-haired boss
man.
http://goo.gl/QEdjq

* ISTHATCHERDEAD, 5TH WEEK OF MENTIONS -
matthewbowler writes, "Just to keep it in the
newsletter for the fifth week, can I point
out that when I forwarded the link to my
missus she immediately thought it referred to
"That Cher" from X Factor."
http://www.isthatcherdeadyet.co.uk

* DAILY MASH CASH-IN BOOK - "I was wondering
if I could scrounge a mention in the B3ta
newsletter for our fab new book!" inquires
Daily Mash Paul. "It's very funny, though we
say so ourselves. And we really should meet up
for a beer or a coffee when I'm in London (I'm
based Glasgow)." We'll report back if we ever
indeed meet Paul for a beer / coffee - or is
he just trying to lure us with false promises
so we linky his book?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0956666205/b3ta-21

* MUSHROOM RETRACTION - we've had loads of
emails about which mushrooms you should or
shouldn't eat and, frankly, the best advice is
don't get any advice from B3ta on the subject
of eating fungus. If you've ever read anything
we've said on the subject, ignore it; you
might die. Having said that, we liked this
comment from 8bitwintermute, who writes, "When
eating wild mushrooms: keep some uncooked ones
back, so that when you drop to the floor
clutching your guts, your next of kin has
something to show the doctor in A&E."

* IN DEFENCE OF RICHARD HERRING - Clerk T
Hazarde writes, "You ought to apologise to us
all for including an advertisement for that
incorrigible cuntsucker Richard Herring in
last week's newsletter. He is a poor man's
Stuart Lee, who is a poor man's Ted
Chippington, who aspired to be a lorry driver.
Need I say more? He skipped in front of me in
the queue in a student bar once. And bought *a
coffee*. There you go. You have your orders."
Pah! - we like him. We recently read his book
about being old and behaving like a kid. It's
entertaining stuff and is actually better than
Stuart Lee's book which, although interesting
in parts, is basically a typed-out DVD
commentary to his recent stand up shows.
Anyway, seeing as we don't like the Herring
being dissed, here's a linky to his DVD again,
with a quote we give full permission to use
for a re-issue, "It's probably not shit; his
book was funny."
http://amzn.to/cumYZJ

-------------------------------------------------

: BIRTHS MARRIAGES DEATHS
B3ta: the Internet's email newsletter of record

Long-term b3tan and Brummie pixel-fiddler
FoldsFive writes, "It might be cheeky (and
more than a tad soppy) but would it be
possible to thank the lovely Tara (a.k.a. Blue
Star) for making me the happiest man in the
world by marrying me last Saturday? Might be
worthy of note that a lot of the Internet
arrived and scrubbed up quite well
considering, and that Druid made an excellent
best man." Hooray! Hooplar! And here's hoping
there will be soon little b3ta babies you can
train up so our community doesn't die out.

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
White Jigsaw

Not some kind of KKK puzzle only playable by
our pale-faced brethren, but an addictive game
that gets bigger every time you complete a
screen.
http://www.gamedesign.jp/flash/whitejigsaw/whitejigsaw.html

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* A NEW FORM OF TWITTER - that doesn't have
anyone on it who works in law enforcement or
at an airport.

* FACETHEFEAR.COM - Help people overcome their
phobias through aversion therapy. Ask people
what their fear is, pop up a window with a
slide-show of youTube/image results and time
how long they can keep the window open.

* HIPSTR-TRACKR.COM - Collect where users of
foursquare and other geo-location sites are
hanging out right now and generate local maps
of areas blissfully free from hipsters.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Friends: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Backstabbers: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by TomChivers,
Cliff Richard's porn stash, coliander, WiL,
Octamed, Palladium_NZ, sandcrack, Logovend,
davebirss, Smale Top Tippery by A Vagabond
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols suggested by @lukosan, well, they
flattared us and suggested we use a variation
on something we'd already used on twitter and
got 45 retweets. Our ego is that easily
pandered to.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Fool friends and relatives into thinking
you've just got a cat by saying "I've just got
a cat."

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Vol 954 - Nov. 10, 2010 - 15 Strange New Uses For VODKA!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

3 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added three new features that you have been asking for.

1. GAMES UPGRADE - TOURNAMENTS - NEW FORMAT - WIN CASH & PRIZES

"NEW! Play free online games on Strange Cosmos now! Play your favorite games like Diner Dash, Cube Crasher and Bubble Town with your friends or by yourself. You can now invite your friends from Facebook to play and compete in Cash Tournaments and win fun prizes; get ready to compare each others' scores!"

NEW "OLD" GAMES ADDED! CLASSICS - FROGGER - PAC-MAN - ASTEROIDS !!!!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/games.html

2. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

3. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange Robert Orben Quotes:

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - 15 Strange New Uses For VODKA!

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.

11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

13 Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.

15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And silly me. I've only been drinking the stuff!!!

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE BICYCLES - FREAK BIKE RUNS BY MOTION OF THE BODY - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/169124.html

RARE COLD WAR HARASSMENT PICTURES - USAF F-8 ESCORT RUSSIAN TU-95 BEAR BOMBER CLOSE TO US AIR CRAFT CARRIER ORISKANY (BOTH US AND RUSSIAN IMAGES) - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/168599.html

STRANGE OLDE CLASSIC AUTOMOBILES - 1937 DELAGE D8-120 AEROSPORT COUPE - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/168774.html

DUMBEST CRIMINALS 2010 - MUG SHOTS - BEST FACE TATTOO - FLORIDA? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169152.html

STRANGE EXPERIMENTAL AIRCRAFT - RARE PICTURES AND SHAPES! - EARLY JET POWERED VTOL - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/169275.html

AFRICAN SPEED BUMP - HUGE ANACONDA SNAKE CROSSING THE ROAD! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/169481.html

NAVY SHIP CROSSES UNDER GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE - SAN FRANCISCO HARBOR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/169597.html

AERIAL VIEW - HEART SHAPED ISLAND GROUP IN THE RIVER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169665.html

STRANGE FEMALE COMIC BOOK CHARACTERS & THEIR REAL LIFE ACTORS - POWER GIRL - VOICED BY ALLISON MACK - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/169768.html

OLDE TIME WAR EQUIPMENT - CASTLE WALL SIEGE MACHINE - TREBUCHET - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/169848.html

MOTORCYCLE RACER CELEBRATES 1 LAP TOO SOON! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/169851.html

WORLD'S LARGEST JESUS STATUE ERECTED IN POLAND - FACE CLOSEUP - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/169852.html

LAS VEGAS - OLD AND TODAY - AMAZING! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/169865.html

STRANGE GOLF HOLES - TIMACUAN #2 - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/169869.html

STRANGE GOLF HOLES - DON MUEANG INTL AIRPORT - BANGKOK THAILAND - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/169870.html

STRANGE DANGERS - WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? - FIREWORKS SALES TENT NEXT TO LP GAS STORAGE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/169872.html

STRANGE AIR STUNT - RED BULL POWERED GLIDER UPSIDE DOWN WITH MAN SITTING ON BELLY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169873.html

RARE OLDE BEATLES PICTURES - LONG HAIR PREP - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/169874.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - ALL SHIPS - BATTLESHIPS - FRIGATES - SUBS - TENDERS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100040_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Updated Office Jargon - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/169875.html

Strange Bible Riddles - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/169876.html

Famous Last Words - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/169877.html

FOX News Signs for Protesters - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/169878.html

Strange Internet Junkie Test - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/127889.html

Strange Tech Support Horror Stories - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/117267.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - ALL SHIPS - BATTLESHIPS - FRIGATES - SUBS - TENDERS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

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Vol 953 - Nov. 07, 2010 - English IS a Funny Language

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

3 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added three new features that you have been asking for.

1. GAMES UPGRADE - TOURNAMENTS - NEW FORMAT - WIN CASH & PRIZES

"NEW! Play free online games on Strange Cosmos now! Play your favorite games like Diner Dash, Cube Crasher and Bubble Town with your friends or by yourself. You can now invite your friends from Facebook to play and compete in Cash Tournaments and win fun prizes; get ready to compare each others' scores!"

NEW "OLD" GAMES ADDED! CLASSICS - FROGGER - PAC-MAN - ASTEROIDS !!!!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/games.html

2. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

3. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange British Sports "Announcer" Quotes:

"Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."
NEWCASTLE UNITED FAN, Radio 5 Live

"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday." Radio 5 Live

"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen." TERRY VENABLES, Capital Gold

"And we all know that in football if you stand still you go backwards..."

"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..." ANDY GRAY, Sky Sport

"The lad got over-excited when the saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes." STEVE COPPELL, Radio 5 Live

"They [Rosenborg] have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them." BRIAN MOORE, ITV

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - English IS a Funny Language

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger;

neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down.

You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.???

Now I know why I flunked my English!! 

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE COINS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - PALAU - BATTLE OF GRUNWALD - GIANT SWORD - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168235.html

1959 FERRARI 250 GT LWE CALIFORNIA SPIDER - CLASSIC - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/169035.html

STRANGE BICYCLES - MARRS ELECTRIC - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/169120.html

STRANGE OLDE CLASSIC AUTOMOBILES - 1938 HISPANA SUIZA H6C - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168772.html

DUMBEST CRIMINALS 2010 - MUG SHOTS - BEST EYEBROWS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169146.html

STRANGE EXPERIMENTAL AIRCRAFT - RARE PICTURES AND SHAPES! DOUGLAS VB-42 MIXMASTER - REAR - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/169284.html

STRANGE AFRICAN MADE FURNITURE - SKINS, TUSKS & HORNS! - CROCODILE CHAIR W/ FOOT STOOL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169391.html

COOL CUSTOM CAR CAPTAIN KIRK - WILLIAM SHATNER - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/169560.html

STRANGE & UNUSUAL RAINBOWS - FARM POND WITH LIGHTNING BOLT - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/169657.html

TOP 12 FEMALE GOLFERS - ANNA RAWSON - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/169695.html

1930 CORD L29 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169740.html

WILD AFRICAN JUNGLE DANGERS - BABY ELEPHANT ATTACKED BY CROCODILE - 1 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/169787.html

STRANGE 2010 HALLOWEEN CELEB "WORST" COSTUMES - SNOOKIE - LOST MILK CARTON GIRL - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/169807.html

MISS UNIVERSE 2010 - BLACK BIKINI GROUP PICTURE - MANDALAY BAY LAS VEGAS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/169833.html

ANOTHER GREAT SHERIFF - POLK COUNTY GRADY JUDD - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169836.html

STRANGE SECRET RUSSIAN BOMBER - MOSKALYOV DSB-LK BOMBER - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/169837.html

STRANGE 2011 BUICK CONCEPT CAR - GULLWING DOORS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/169838.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - STARE AT THE MOON - STARS DISAPPEAR - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/169840.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SZ - CATS & DOGS - CELEBRITY PETS - ANIMAL PALS

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/101228_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Finally, a Real Defintion of "Political Correctness" - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/169795.html

What's Your REAL name? FUN! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/24517.html

The Official MIT Nerd Test - Are YOU? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/24683.html

The Cat And Cat Owner's Test - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/25461.html

Strange "Life" Test - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25482.html

Scientific Quiz for Men - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25506.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SZ - CATS & DOGS - CELEBRITY PETS - ANIMAL PALS

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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---------------------

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[b3ta] "Perhaps appropriately, there is no 'U' in 'Osborne'"

 

This Week:
* OWL - Owls are cool
* COMIC - Common People
* VIDEO - Alan Partridge Returns

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're buying 2 for 1
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | Fireworks offers in
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| Sainsburys... together"

B3ta email 453 - 5 Nov 2010

Hey Mr Newsagent! Where's my cover mount tape?
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue453/

Burchill: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Fry: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Get involved in some Balloonacy!

Add your website to the Balloonacy race course
and send a special message to thousands of
balloonists as they fly across the internet to
win amazing prizes from Orange. Or, just grab a
balloon and race your mates.
http://bit.ly/8ZMQsa

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Halloween, Classical, iPhone, and Faces

>> Excellent Halloween costume <<
Rusty Shackleford, we salute you. Next year: Tubgirl.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Halloween_costume_thread

>> Fiddling with Tchaikovsky <<
Punk rock attitude meets classical orchestra.
"Composer John Oswald invited his friend Jon
Rose to play a completely improvised solo over
Tchaikovsky's violin concerto," explains
intesvensk. "Jon Rose being the mischievous
person he is, performed the solo in his own
unique way, creating a whole new experience for
everyone." And obviously irritated the fuck out
of all the 'proper' musicians.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Fiddling_with_Tchaikovsky

>> iPhone <
"Hi dude," growls Joel Veitch. "I've got an
iPhone!" Welcome to 2007, Joel.
http://b3ta.com/links/Ive_Got_An_iPhone

>> Faces in Places <<
A while back we featured Toast Master's project
spotting facial expressions in everyday
objects. And now? He's turned it into a book.
But, unlike your average booky website venture
(i.e. us), he's giving most of the proceeds to
charity - Hope For Children, who help the
orphaned, poor and exploited. What a top chap!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1906672903/b3ta-21

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Babysitters

We wanted your babysitting stories. What we got
was a load of stories about willies. Yay!
http://b3ta.com/questions/babysitters/

* "My nan, god rest her beautiful, beautiful
soul, suffered terribly with cataracts and was
practically blind. This didn't prevent her from
babysitting me and my little brother as we were
"never any trouble". So, mom and dad went to a
show and dropped us off at Grandma Jo's... It
started off small; just innocent little things.
"Poke your tongue out at her, she can't see
you!", I'd whisper. We were eight and six. This
was HILARIOUS. "Walk through the room with a
cushion on your head!" We're *dying* with
quietened laughter. As the elder, I was the one
pushing the boundaries. My little brother, the
willing victim and daredevil. Which was why,
having had their night out cut short by a
powercut, my parents return to my nan's tiny
council flat to find me with a tea-cosy on my
head and drawn-on glasses, collapsed in the
corner laughing my tits off at the sight of my
little brother, pillowcase on head, dancing a
naked 'zulu war dance' less than ten feet from
his grandmother. The pillowcase had rendered my
brother equally blind, so his jig continued,
his tiny boycock bobbling around for all to
see, until the pillowcase was unceremoniously
yanked from his head and we were sent to bed.
My cousin started babysitting us after that."
(R. Jimlad)

* "My son decided that walking into the room to
meet his new babysitter would be best received
if he were trouserless, with a significant
erection and speaking the words, "Look, I can
make it go all stiff!" I'm saving this story
for his wedding day." (number5)

* "When I was a kid my mum used to go out with
her mates on a Sunday night and this meant my
dad would watch me and my sister. We used to
love it: he'd get us some sweets and let us
stay up really late as long as we didn't tell
mum we'd stayed up. Or so we thought. Turns out
he used to change the clock on the TV so it
said 11 instead of 7." (FootOfTim)

>> This Week's Question: Old tech <<
What hugely outdated tech do you still cling
to? Does it work better, or are you just
deeply, deeply scared of the new? Send us a
telegram here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/betamax/

-------------------------------------------------

: FASCIST NOSE-HAIR RECLAIMED FOR COMEDY!
Sponsored linky so we can feed the kids

Richard Herring's acclaimed 'Hitler Moustache'
stand up show is out now on DVD.
http://amzn.to/cumYZJ

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Template doodles <<
A single starting drawing followed by lots of
variations. Like a b3ta image challenge that's
only been entered by one guy. Who is off his
flipping rocker.
http://www.digitalbusstop.com/do-it-yourself-doodler/

>> Shitting Christ have you seen this? <<
If you're looking for an industrial painter, a
voyage is about to begin. @Glinner calls this
the best website ever and he's probably right.
http://industrialpainter.com/

>> Pulp's Common People as a comic book <<
Drawn by Jamie Hewlett as a giveaway for a
French edition of the single - and utterly
wonderful. BTW: Jarvis, if you're reading, can
you stand for Mayor of London? Cheers.
http://www.pulpwiki.net/Pulp/CommonPeopleComic

>> Topical t-shirt about the USA politics <<
Very true and it made us lol.
http://www.unfeatured.com/apyrafz

>> Abandoned stuff around the world <<
Some great photos of things we don't need any
more. Beautiful, decay, innit?
http://www.artificialowl.net/

>> How to get from Japan to China <<
Direction 43 is particularly helpful
http://goo.gl/Y7zKd

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Owl vs Invisible prey

Owls are fucking cool man. We once met an owl
called Spike. He was awesome.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Invisible_prey

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like TV but with a harder chair

>> Master Chef edited <<
Masterchef with cheap, nasty food. Loved this.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Master_Chef_edited

>> Sesame Street's "There's an App for That" <<
Muppets sing the praises of the amazing iPogo.
http://youtu.be/EhkxDIr0y2U

>> Alan Partridge Returns <<
A triumphant return to the airwaves for local
radio's master of chat. Production paid for by
some beer company, who we're hoping will now
spend £££ on bringing back Nathan Barley. Or
Juliet Bravo.
http://goo.gl/PFBXt

>> 'One Song to the Tune of Another' <<
Huh. We remember linking to this Lilly Allen
song on her MySpace page - now they're mocking
it on Radio 4. Here's a compilation of our
favourite bits from 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a
Clue'.
http://goo.gl/gmrQD

>> Simple effect, maximum lols <<
Try to watch this without smiling - or letting
that smile slowly slide into open mouthed
horror.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/simple_effect_maximum_lols

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
"I never knew jizz meant this"

Birdwatchers great at identifying seagull jizz.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jizz_%28birding%29

-------------------------------------------------

: FOLLOW FRIDAY -> Lauren Harries
Our oh-so-imaginatively-titled @twitter section

In case you haven't noticed already - child
antiques expert turned transsexual Little
Britain fan Lauren Harries is on twitter and
doesn't shy from speaking her mind. Favourite
tweets?

* "Keith Allen, you are dead, and don't contact
me."
* "ex bizarre reporter contacted me to say I
should tell the papers about me and russell
brand having sex nevr occurred to me"
* "Philip schofield has canvassed TV companies
to stop me working -thought I was going to show
my bits, hasn't got over the shock."
http://twitter.com/laurenotw

-------------------------------------------------

: APOLOGIES SECTION
Because saying sorry is only hard if you lisp

>> Please don't sue us Howard Jones <<
Carcrash writes, "I've been a
member/lurker/subscriber long enough to know
what B3ta is like and the comment about Howard
Jones in the Newsletter makes me feel a bit
icky. If it's true then berate and take the
piss out of me but if it isn't you should
apologise in the next Newsletter. This isn't
Nathan Barley, it's real life and any
connotation to anyone and the Sex Offender
Register can ruin that person's life whether
the allegations are true or not."

Sorry Howard and Carcrash - it was just a joke
that's not meant to be taken seriously - no
evil intent - but we take your point and offer
humble apologies to Mr Jones.

>> Please don't sue us Dadaixtab <<
Last week we suggested an order for bodily
fluids beyond the standard number 1 = poo, 2 =
wee stuff. Dadaixtab complains, "The more I
think about it the angrier I GET. It's
obvious... NUMBER 3 IS PUKE!!! NUMBER 4 is
SPUNK!!!" He was so incandescent with rage that
he sent us two emails on the subject. Sorry.

-------------------------------------------------

: MUSHROOMS
Our readers are experts in fungal growth

* I SPOT MUSHROOMS - spnorman77 writes, "In the
last B3ta newsletter, whatspauldoing asked if
someone could put together a mushroom
identifier app. I don't know of such an app,
but one possibility is the Open University's
newish website iSpot. It's completely free to
use. You can upload a photo of a mushroom (or
any living organism, for that matter) and the
OU's panel of experts around the country will
try to identify it for you."
http://ispot.org.uk/

* PROFESSOR LOLS - hobday writes, "I had this
problem too, so I took my finds to our botany
department where I met an aged professor on the
point of retirement. I showed him my finds and
he sorted them according to edibility. Then he
turned to me and said, 'You know, Mr. Hobday,
you can eat any mushroom... once.'"

* HOW TO DO IT - flatfrog writes, "I know a bit
about the fungi, and I can tell you why this
would be a bad idea: it's hard to tell tasty
from deadly via a photo, and I can imagine the
resulting legal bills being staggering. I think
a better option would be a dichotomous
key-based app, which asked a list of questions
(eg: does it have a ring around the stem? Does
it have gills or sponge? etc), with the option
of 'not sure' on all of them. I'd make it, but
I'm lazy.

"For what it's worth, the best advice I can
give (while assuming no liability for any death
or personal injury that may result) is: go for
the ones growing on the ground (not from wood)
with sponge underneath - they belong to the
family called Boletus and are almost all
edible. None of them are deadly poisonous, but
a couple of them can be bitter - a small taste
is usually enough to be sure. They mostly grow
in woodland, have autumnal-coloured caps and
the best ones turn blue when you cut them. Big
ones do tend to get maggoty, though. Oh - and
don't eat any wild mushrooms along with
alcohol."

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the TV Idents Challenge

Last week we wanted you to make your own TV
channel idents. Your favourites included:

* TETRIS - if Channel Four don't use this idea
by the end of the year, we'll eat all our hats
(monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10233018

* ANGLIA - Jeremy the Annoying Horse on another
clumsy rampage (Fresh Water Mole)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10233955

* BEEB - number two puts the record straight
(benito_vasselini)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10234407

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/idents/

>> New challenge: Impossible Weapons <<
Custard rockets, feather swords, and doomsday
devices made of string. Invent them, then post
them. Drawings, animations or full-scale
replicas built in your garden are all accepted.
Challenge suggested by HappyToast.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/weapons/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* MAGGIE THATCHER, NEWSLETTER SNATCHER -
@jearle writes, "I don't think
http://isthatcherdeadyet.co.uk/ will make it a
fourth week in a row for the b3ta newsletter;
nothing new has happened." Hmm, this is true,
but we did get an email suggesting that we run
a Maggie-based image challenge, so people can
use them for t-shirts to celebrate her death.
Thing is, we reckon she's been dead for years
but the Tories just haven't told anyone.

* HITLER T-SHIRTS - a long time ago Monkeon did
an Hitler icon for our board; in poor taste of
course, but that's our site. Then we stuck it
in our t-shirt shop in an act of self-sabotage
as simply no one in their right mind would
actually buy it. This is true; we think it sold
maybe 2 shirts. And now? Well of all the
unlikely things to be ripped off by the
Thailand T-Shirt market.
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/11/01/8-bit-hitler-t-shirt.html

* CYRIAK ZOMBIE CAT COSTUME - B3tans Sarah
Brown and Cyriak's work has been immortalised
in clothing. Cyriak writes, "I'm so proud! Love
to have seen people's faces when they saw that
on their doorstep."
http://goo.gl/rB9ZE

* MANY, MANY EMAILS ABOUT TUBE EXITS - most of
them suggesting getting an iPhone app via
http://www.tubeexits.co.uk/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* LOL SCATS - Scat porn with captions like
"SRY, I HAS EATED UR CHAWKLIT CAEK"

* WHAT THE FUCK HAS THE COALITION DONE SO FAR?
- a variation on the Obama one, but probably
better played for lols with stuff like, "chased
the poor out of London on horseback"
http://whatthefuckhasobamadonesofar.com/

* CAN YOU TELL WHAT IT IS YET? - upload
children's drawings and get people to guess
what they represent. We're fucked if we know
what our offspring are drawing.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by mrmonkfish,
pissflaps, bluehamster, finnbar, sandcrack,
HappyToast, spacehog, neave, Muncee, Friz,
AttackOfTheRobots, chocolatelemming. Top
Tippery by Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush
KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly
difficult to log into b3ta.com Additional
linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via
quefelli.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Avoid confusion over whether to use "a" or "an"
...before words like "historic" or acronyms
like HTML, by always adding the word "fucking"
after the indefinite article. "This is a
fucking historic occasion". "I need a fucking
HTML expert".

-------------------------------------------------

: SHOTDEAD KILL THE MEERKAT
Freebee ad because we bumped ShotDead last week

This week we take the piss out of meerkats, The
Guardian and One Direction. All hail Karl
Pilkington. Get involved...
http://bit.ly/aYSgm3

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Vol 952 - Nov. 03, 2010 - Strange Southern Expressions

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

3 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added three new features that you have been asking for.

1. GAMES UPGRADE - TOURNAMENTS - NEW FORMAT - WIN CASH & PRIZES

"NEW! Play free online games on Strange Cosmos now! Play your favorite games like Diner Dash, Cube Crasher and Bubble Town with your friends or by yourself. You can now invite your friends from Facebook to play and compete in Cash Tournaments and win fun prizes; get ready to compare each others' scores!"

NEW "OLD" GAMES ADDED! CLASSICS - FROGGER - PAC-MAN - ASTEROIDS !!!!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/games.html

2. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

3. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange Proverbs

A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master. - Russian Proverb

A drink precedes a story. - Irish Proverb

A drowning man is not troubled by rain. - Persian Proverb

Better wear out shoes than sheets. - Scottish Proverb

Every ass loves to hear himself bray. - Proverb of Unknown Origin

Friends are lost by calling often and calling seldom. - French Proverb

He that marries for money will earn it. - American Proverb

Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one. - Chinese Proverb

Lend your money and lose your friend.- English Proverb

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Southern Expressions

Exclamations:
"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

Threats:
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

Good Things/Compliments:
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits."

The Weather:
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:
A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a
marble floor."

Insults:
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."
Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE RARE & EXOTIC ANIMALS - QUACKING FROG - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169102.html

1956 MERCEDES-BENZ 300 SL GULLWING - WORLD'S MOST SOUGHT-AFTER CAR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/169034.html

STRANGE BICYCLES - DUEL REAR WHEELS - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/169117.html

CIVIL WAR PICTURES - 1861 CAPITAL CONSTRUCTION SUSPENDED - WASHINGTON DC - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/168100.html

STRANGE CELEBRITY SECRETS - LEIGHTON MEESTER - BORN IN PRISON - GQ SPREAD - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/169131.html

DUMBEST CRIMINALS 2010 - MUG SHOTS - DUMBEST BLONDE - MISS TEEN QUEEN - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/169144.html

STRANGE COINS FROM AROUND THE WORLD - TRISTAN DA CUNNA - CONCORDE HEAT SHIELD IN IT - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/168233.html

AMAZING CAT BALL - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/169480.html

THE MAKING OF THE STATUE OF LIBERTY - OLDE WORKSHOP - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/169485.html

STRANGE ATOMIC BOMBS - US AGM-129A ACM - MOUNTED - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/169503.html

STRANGE ROOF SURFING FAIL - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/169640.html

INCREDIBLE SIGHT - GRIZZLY BEAR CHASING BISON DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD - 1 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/169700.html

1910 FORD FIRE TRUCK - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169738.html

WORLD'S FIRST PHOTO OF HUMAN BEING - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/169749.html

STRANGE F-1 RACERS IN HISTORY - 1933 NAPIER-RAILTON - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/169757.html

HEAVY DUTY STOL SEAPLANE - de HAVILLAND DHC-3 TURBO OTTER - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/169758.html

STRANGE HAY BALE SPIDER MUNCHING ON A FARMER - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/169759.html

GREAT OLDE PIX - YOUNG CLARK GABLE, SHIRLEY TEMPLE, MICKEY ROONEY, JUDY GARLAND - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169760.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SOP - A - EVERYDAY LIFE - WORK - HOME - VACATION TRIPS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100880_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange World War II Story of Chivalry & Courage - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169561.html

Strange Payback - Underwear Dust - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/169587.html

How To Start a Fight - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169753.html

Top 10 Most Visited Famous Grave Sites - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/169754.html

Texas Sayings - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/22787.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SOP - A - EVERYDAY LIFE - WORK - HOME - VACATION TRIPS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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#1 Stranger

---------------------

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Vol 951 - Oct. 31, 2010 - 20 Fun Things To Do On Halloween

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

3 NEW WEBSITE ENHANCEMENTS!

We have added three new features that you have been asking for.

1. GAMES UPGRADE - TOURNAMENTS - NEW FORMAT - WIN CASH & PRIZES

"NEW! Play free online games on Strange Cosmos now! Play your favorite games like Diner Dash, Cube Crasher and Bubble Town with your friends or by yourself. You can now invite your friends from Facebook to play and compete in Cash Tournaments and win fun prizes; get ready to compare each others' scores!"

NEW "OLD" GAMES ADDED! CLASSICS - FROGGER - PAC-MAN - ASTEROIDS !!!!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/games.html

2. Auto Image Centering - no need to scroll down and center the image anymore!

3. New Utility Bar on top right and bottom of each image page which allows direct connect to 12 POPULAR Social Networking and News sites - FaceBook - MySpace - Reddit - Twitter - Digg - Stumbleupon - Yahoo - Google.

Now it's easier than ever to share and store your favorite images and jokes!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

==================================

Strange Halloween Dictionary

Bobbing Apples: What happens when you leave your bra off while running.

Boogieman: Guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.

Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your throat.

Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.

Full moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your fridge.

Goblin: How you eat the Snickers bars you got for Halloween.

Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done. Also, see "Mr. Hyde."

Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin.

Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his lottery tickets after losing each week.

Mummy: Who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.

Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears when trying to quit smoking.

Skeleton: Any supermodel.

Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with.

Witch: See "Mother-in-Law."

Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - 20 Fun Things To Do On Halloween

1.Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)

2.Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.

3.Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

4.Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.

5.Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.

6.After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7.Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.

8.When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"

9.When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.

10.Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.

11.Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.

12.Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13.When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.

14.Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.

15.Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.

16.Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

17.Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.

18.Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.

19.Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.

20.Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

EXTREME STRETCH HUMMER - 18 SEAT! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/169031.html

STRANGE RARE & EXOTIC ANIMALS - LORD HOWE ISLAND STICK INSECT - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169101.html

CIVIL WAR PICTURES - MAIN BRIDGE DESTRPYED - HARPERS FERRY - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/168099.html

GREAT BEHIND THE CAMERA PHOTOS - OLD - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/169050.html

STRANGE JACK-O-LANTERNS - GOOFY PUMPKIN PIE MAKER - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/168793.html

DUMBEST CRIMINALS 2010 - MUG SHOTS - FORMER CHILD STAR MUG SHOT - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/169143.html

CUTE GIRL BLOWS YOU A KISS - NOTE HER LITTLE FINGER! - http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/169430.html

STRANGE SINK HOLE APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE! - NOTE CAR UPPER RIGHT FOR SCALE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/168427.html

STRANGE SCARY CANDY CORN FACE - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/169474.html

APACHE ATTACK HELO - HIGH SPEED FLY BY! ACTION GIF - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/169494.html

CRAZY CAR PARADES - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169517.html

LOOKIN GOOD/BAD IN DAISY DUKES - CATHERINE BACH! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/169559.html

THE DIVORCED BARBIE DOLL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/169586.html

1910 MODEL R FORD - STRANGE FACTS ABOUT THE ERA! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/169588.html

WWII FUN - 'WADDY'S WAGON' BOMBER NOSE ART RECREATION - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/169593.html

STRANGE VIEW OF MILITARY JET COCK PIT - PILOTS EYE VIEW - HEADS UP DISPLAY - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/169607.html

STRANGE & UNUSUAL RAINBOWS - CITY SQUARE FOUNTAIN - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/169644.html

AERIAL VIEW - HIGH ALTITUDE MOUNTAIN TOP FARM FIELDS! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/169664.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - FOOTBALL - NFL - COLLEGE - STAR PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100020_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Puns - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/169513.html

Scary Halloween Story - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/25042.html

Halloween Quickies - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/25041.html

Strange Items to Pass Out at Halloween - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/22013.html

Halloween Humor - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/20466.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - FOOTBALL - NFL - COLLEGE - STAR PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/121_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

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