Vol 826 - Aug 19, 2009 - Things That Are Difficult to Say When Drunk

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"A wok is what you throw at a wabbit." unknown

"RENTAL CAR: The only *TRUE* all-terrain vehicle". --known - but unidentified

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should
have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased
to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against
a wall. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -Things That Are Difficult to say When Drunk

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious

Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

"Thanks, but I don't want to have $ex"

"Nope, no more booze for me"

"Sorry, but you're not really my type"

"Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?"

"Oh I couldn't, nobody wants to hear me sing...."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - MOVING BLACK DOT GRID - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/154540.html

HAWK - AMAZING DOUBLE FISH GRAB! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/154361.html

STRANGE JACK ASSES - STOPPING FOR RED LIGHT? - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/154363.html

TWO EAGLES FIGHT IN FLIGHT! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153947.html

STRANGE NEW 2010 MODELS - AUDI ZERO - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/154423.html

STRANGE RAILROAD TRAINS - CLASSIC OLDE LOCOMOTIVE - RED COW CATCHER - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154267.html

STRANGE GUITAR - REALLY STRANGE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/154432.html

NIAGARA FALLS - COMPLETELY FROZEN 1911! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/154433.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN CONVERTIBLES! - OLDE MILITARY PARADE VEHICLES - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/154092.html

STRANGE MULTIPLE PICTURE PICTURE - NOAH'S ARK - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/154463.html

STRANGE JAPANESE FARM FIELD ART - MONA LISA! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/154465.html

STRANGE OLDE AIRPLANES - XFY-1 POGO CONVAIR - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/154472.html

STRANGE VIEW FROM THE MOON YOU WOULD HATE TO SEE - ASTEROID HIT THE EARTH! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/154480.html

STRANGE 19TH CENTURY SURGICAL KIT - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/154482.html

STRANGE SPIDERS - GOLDEN ROD CRAB SPIDER - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153074.html

STRANGE OLDE TINY AUTOS - 1954 TRIDENT - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153368.html

STRANGE 'BUBBLE TOP' CUSTOM CAR - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153866.html

STRANGE ANIMALS & FARM CRITTERS - LLAMA MAMA AND BABY - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/154100.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - SOCCER FANS - CRAZY - WILD - SEXY - STUPID

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100022_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

21 Dumbest Criminals of the 21st Century - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/154553.html

The Bathtub Test - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/154552.html

The 20 Strangest Historical Myths - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/154554.html

Strange "Lateral Thinking" Puzzle - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/154400.html

Strange Celebrity Inventions - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/149959.html

8 Strange Earth-Friendly Products - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/149962.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - SOCCER FANS - CRAZY - WILD - SEXY - STUPID

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 825 - Aug 16, 2009 - Strange Astrological Signs & Light Bulbs

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Business" Quotes:

"When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's composed of aluminum and vinyl." [Flugg]

"If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then add one more as an afterthought, he'll forget two of the first five." [Wives]

"Keep up with the Grabowskis . . . you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses." [Advice on Status]

"Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work."

"The dirt is also on the other side." [Frisk Principle of Window Cleaning]

"When all else fails, why not read the instructions?"

"We should refrain from making very harsh judgments of people just because they happen to be dirty, no-good s.o.b.s."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Astrological Signs & Light Bulbs

BRIGHT SIGNS!

How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb?

ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it?

TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!

CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process.

LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the
job for them while they're out.

VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth.

LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?

SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the
Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so....

PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

EXTREME GOLF HOLE - MILLION DOLLAR PAR 3! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/154340.html

1938 BMW R-7 MOTORCYCLE - ART DECO TREASURE - 2 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154355.html

KATI DJANG - WORLDS THINNEST WAIST WOMAN - OLD VINTAGE BLUE DRESS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153899.html

STRANGE FLYING FISH - 1 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/154372.html

STRANGE OLDE STEAM TRAINS - MOUNTAIN LAKE TRACK THRU VALLEY - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/154373.html

AWESOME OVERHEAD AERIAL VIEW OF BATTLESHIP FIRING 16 INCH GUNS! - NOTE CONCUSSION WAVE ON WATER - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/154374.html

THE STRANGE 7 GIANTS OF THE URALS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/154398.html

STRANGE KAMIKAZE MOTORCYCLE / TRIKE - SIDE VIEW - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153956.html

STRANGE SHIPS - KNOCK NEVIS - THE WORLDS LARGEST SHIP - SUPER TANKER - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/154399.html

CHANCE VOUGHT V-173 /3XF5U 'FLYING FLAPJACK' - 2 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154207.html

STRANGE HUMAN TOWERS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/154409.html

STRANGE LITTLE GIRL - WHAT DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THE HOUSE FIRE? - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/154282.html

WWII BATTLE PICTURES - USO ENTERTAINMENT - COWBOY SINGERS - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153762.html

STRANGE HOT AIR BALLOONS - CHOO CHOO TRAIN! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153344.html

STRANGE HIGHWAY GOING THROUGH 16 STORY OFFICE BUILDING - OSAKA, JAPAN! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/154335.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - BLACK DOT DISAPPEARS! - http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/154336.html

STRANGE VW 'BUG' - IT REALLY IS A BUG W/ WINGS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153865.html

STRANGE AROWANA FISH - MALE HOLDS BABIES IN HIS MOUTH! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/154337.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SOP - B - OLDE MOVIES - MOVIE STARS - SILENT FILMS - STARLETS - MUSICIANS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100881_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Anagrams - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/154338.html

10 Strange Historical Facts - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153746.html

Strange Alphabetical List of Devils and Demons! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/154329.html

Top Ten Strangest Phobias........ - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/154331.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SOP - B - OLDE MOVIES - MOVIE STARS - SILENT FILMS - STARLETS - MUSICIANS

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/119_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Read it here, or see it in The Sun with the tags cropped off"

 

This Week:
* CHALLENGE - Mock Parliament and win a laptop
* CYRIAK - Makes vid that'll freak out your cat
* ANTHEA TURNER - Does she have a penis?

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"

B3ta email 391 - 14 Aug 2009

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue391/

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
The Cult of Cartman - Revelations

Relive those memorable moments by 'big-boned'
prankster, Eric Cartman as the bible of his
funniest South Park episodes is released on one
DVD. With episodes like 'Cartmanland', this
collection is a must-have for any fan. Buy the
DVD at:
http://tinyurl.com/ktubsd

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Meow, Pubs, Kittens, Touching, Anthea Turner

>> Meow Mix <<
"My cat wrote a song," scrawls a distressed
Cyriak. It must be great living in his head,
where even a simple feline hello becomes a
throbbing symphony of impending doom.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/meow_mix

>> Pub Stop <<
"Forget motorway services, have a pub lunch
instead," proffers Santa Claws. This route
finder will plot a lovely little beer break
along any medium distance UK journey. Handy if
you're driving anywhere this summer. Well,
handy if you're a passenger, anyway.
http://ruletheweb.co.uk/pubstop/

>> Kittenify the Web <<
"I've made a bookmarklet that turns all the
images on a page into pictures of adorable
kittens," glees Blak. "No more shall you have to
look at dreary pictures on that thar interweb!"
Jazzes up the BBC News page just lovely.
http://www.reload.me.uk/b3ta/kittens/

>> Diarmuid Makes Me Touch Myself <<
"My friend Diarmuid doesn't have a girlfriend
and he's a bit down about it," explains Paint
My Album. "So I filmed some willing girls
saying he makes them 'touch themselves', to
cheer him up." Inappropriate but amusing.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Diarmuid_Makes_Me_Touch_Myself

>> Anthea Turner's cock <<
Fat Boab sings the memory of a traumatic
childhood moment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIRMpEssB-k

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Food Sex

Last week we asked for your food sex stories.
The big problem for most of you seems to be the
smell of 'off' milk/cream/yoghurt that follows you
around for days afterwards:
http://b3ta.com/questions/foodsex/

There can only be one story this week. The tale
we shall title, "Why B3ta won't be sponsored by
Twix anytime soon":

* "My first girlfriend and I were together for
about two and a half years. A few weeks before
we split up we went on a short break to Cartmel
in the Lake District, renting a cottage from my
auntie's boss. We had a nice time there, wandering
around the priory, eating toasted teacakes and
crumpets in a small tea shop, but a more deviant
event was on the horizon. "Would you eat something
out of me?" she asked one evening. I confess I
was rather bewildered and wondered what she could
mean: A banana? Some chocolate? A pie? I suggested
these things and she decided that a Twix would
be a good idea. The next morning we walked to
the local Spar shop and, being a chivalrous type,
I allowed her to choose her Twix. As the chocolate
was slightly soft I suggested that we should maybe
put it into the freezer for a while so that it
wouldn't melt in a flash. "I'm ready," she said
late that evening. She went upstairs before me
while I retrieved the Twix from the freezer.
When I reached the bedroom she had already
undressed and was lying on the bed, her legs
apart. For a moment I wondered how I was going
to do this: do I actually remove it from the
wrapper or do I shove the whole lot in? Do I put
one finger in or both of them? I didn't want to
ask as I felt this would just make her nervous
and would hardly instil confidence in the poor
girl as she lay there, legs akimbo, about to be
penetrated by a chocolate bar. I decided to insert
a single finger and opened the wrapper. The
chocolate had that slightly grey sheen of having
been in the freezer all day, and was also as hard
as a pavement. "This is going to be cold," I warned
before introducing the Twix. She gasped as it slid
inside and I left about an inch of it sticking out.
For a moment I looked at the rather ridiculous and
mildly scary sight before me, before bending down
and biting off about half of the exposed finger of
Twix. Without warning the whole thing vanished
inside her. Gone. I panicked, completely baffled,
wondering what I should do. I didn't think it would
be The Done Thing to prise apart her labia like a
mechanic lifting a bonnet before rummaging around
inside, so I just lay there, staring, wanting to
cry for a moment. And then a thick, brown liquid
began to ooze from her pubis. Terrified that it
would ruin the sheets - which, after all, were not
ours - I thrust my hand between her thighs and
caught the melted chocolate as it dribbled out,
but my hand quickly filled and I was then forced
to consider what I was going to do with a hand full
of rather hot, melted Twix as I could hardly say,
"just crimp yourself off, love - I need to go and
wash my hand", so screwing my eyes shut I licked
it off my hand while my other one was slowly filling.
Then, just as I thought it couldn't get any worse,
the biscuit base popped out, completely, eerily
clean, stripped bare of chocolate and caramel,
like an albino penis. I pulled it out and, hands
full of chocolate, quickly ate it while I waited
for her sugary, genital deluge to stop. I don't
think I've eaten a Twix since." (nasalhair)

>> This Week's Question <<
MostlySunny wrote to us to tell us all about
the school project she did on shark nets, "I
got an A - mostly because I handed it in cut
out in the shape of a shark." What fine tat
have you glued together for teacher?
http://b3ta.com/questions/schoolprojects/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Men at their most masculine <<
A photographer put ads on Craigslist asking for
people who feel masculine. This is the
frighteningly puckered fruit of that endeavour.
Look out for unexpected todger in picture #9.
http://tinyurl.com/n8aev7

>> View Page Source lols <<
Looks like these guys wanted the font size to
be 8-point. Really, really wanted it. Bad.
http://www.fujinonbinos.com/

>> Periodic Table Jumper <<
This winter why not be both warm and useable as
a reference to chemists and microbiologists,
with this stylish, little number? Hopefully Dr
Ben Goldacre will be wearing one for his next
TV appearance.
http://snurl.com/bestxmasjumperever

>> The art of StreetView <<
Thoughtful article about Google's street
photography project, illustrated with some of
the brilliant shots it's managed to randomly
capture with its beady, robot eye.
http://snurl.com/yeahbutisitart

>> 3 ad: who's to blame <<
Angry website tracks down the culprits for those
'3' comedy spots that seem to bookend all of
Channel 4's programming at the moment. And
rightly so, as they are fucking awful.
http://snurl.com/sorryseb

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like telly but not rented off Rumbelows

>> "My phone was off" <<
Bloke turns off his phone while he backpacks
around Europe. His girlfriend somehow misses
this important info. The situation breaks down
surprisingly fast.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-heCy0CbQ

>> Candy bra <<
Aged tranny belting out disco. We can't tell if
this is a tribute to John Waters or John
Carpenter. Freakydeaky.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Scary_but_entertaining

>> iCarly mashup <<
Teen sitcom re-edited to baroque effect. At
least, we presume it's not normally an
innuendo-laced voyage into sweat-soaked terror.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/WOW:6

>> Planes Trains & Automobiles re-cut <<
That old Brokeback meme resurrected - but in a
good cause. "Those aren't pillows!!!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Planes_Trains_Automobiles_Re_Cut

>> Cat, dog, happy finish <<
How adorable - this crafty canine has trained a
cat to perform erotic acts upon his lipstick.
NSFW, in principle at least.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_pr0I5Xvb4

>> Smelly Americans <<
Lanny F is our new infomercial hero, cheerily
warning viewers that their bodily bits are
stinking up the place - unless they buy some
handy product.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lmy9R_WtPbg

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Poo-bum-wee-lol

* NEW WIKTIONARY LOGO? - The wiki-based
dictionary recently held a competition to
design a new identity. This cheery 'thumbs-up'
image gives us a strange twinge of deja vu...
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wikty_no_text_up.png

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Real Celebrity Challenge

Last week we wanted you to make celebrities out
of real world stuff.

Your favourites included:

* HOMER - Springfield's most famous resident,
all made out of stones (Prawnsoda)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9630462

* BOTTOM - we're not sure if Mr Goatse is a
'celebrity', but this cigarette box version is
a thing of beauty (Dixin_Speedos)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9624511

* HELLBOY - made out of a dog, and a couple of
slices of tomato. Lovely (gspgirl)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9624507

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/realcelebs/

>> Sponsored challenge: Mock Parliament <<
Blimey - sponsored challenge time! Vote
For A Change want you to make an image
that mocks Parliament. The winning image
gets a 13" Macbook Pro and there's more.
http://www.b3ta.com/features/mockthepoliticians/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* JOEL ON FOX NEWS - The Veitches made a
ridiculous appearance on everyone's favourite
right-wing TV station. They didn't stop
giggling for a second, and this, contrasted
with the uber straight host, makes for a great
little clip:
http://snurl.com/foxvscow

* KITTENFY MEDIA BLITZ - no sooner had we done
the call out for someone to create a Kittenify
site, The Metro newspaper had it covered. Nice
to see B3ta get a mention.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/robmanuel/3807086473/

* MORE "THE RING" PHONE GAGS - edb1984 writes,
"In relation to (Flim-Flam the Magnificent)'s
story in the newsletter last week, I used to be
the assistant manager at Blockbusters - and
when we were bored we used to look up on the
computers who had rented the film "The Ring"
that night, and, after we closed, call them up
from the phone box over the road to tell them
they were going to die."

* GMAIL AD FILTER - GothicTechie writes, "I
read your newsletter in Gmail, and it appears
you use enough offensive jokes about sensitive
issues for the no ads thing to kick in (I first
noticed for the most recent one but the last
few back issues also have a sufficient density
of the keywords). Keep it up!"

* MORE URINAL PISS GAMES - Alice Lupton - "If
only I had a penis to be able to partake of
such jollity :)"
http://snurl.com/heshootshescores

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
I Say Potato, You Say Porn-star

Back in the dim distant past we used to run
either/or quizzes. The idea was to find things
that looked similar - say some pubes / beards
and then think of an awful name, say Tash or
Gash and job's a good 'un. This quiz is simply
subversion:
http://www.pornstarorpotato.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* CAT PIANO - Donkey Gums asks, "You should get
someone to make a Katzenklavier by asking in
the newsletter." The device is so extraordinary
that we're sending you to Wikipedia rather than
describing it ourselves.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katzenklavier

* WHAT'S THAT WORTH NOW? - "Enter amount+date
and it tells you the equivalent in today's
money. Useful for historical novels" (Mike
Trinder)

* RUDE TWITPIC NAMES - Whiskerson writesm "You
might have noticed www.twitpic.com/cuntm - the
pic of Stephen Fry with a nice dollop of cunt
in the URL - this led me to realise that they
have not filtered out possible 'bad' urls from
the site (www.twitpic.com/pedo is my fave...)
How about asking people to build a checker -
which polls twitpic to see when 'good' urls are
coming up then spams the images uploader to
ensure you get the chosen URL... first to get
'twitpic.com/fucker' wins a prize."

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @MagicallyAdept,
@cr3, connor, @blogjam, @BPScott Additional
linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sickipedia japes
via FIDDLERBOY. Game suggested by via
executiverocker. Subjlols via The magic of
chutney, and if you didn't get it then read
this: http://tinyurl.com/quorcc

-------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between Tango and
Rohypnol? You know when you've been Tangoed.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

__._,_.___

Messages in this topic (1) Reply (via web post) | Start a new topic

Messages | Photos

Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe

Recent Activity

•  65
  New Members

Visit Your Group

Give Back

Yahoo! for Good

Get inspired

by a good cause.

Y! Toolbar

Get it Free!

easy 1-click access

to your groups.

Yahoo! Groups

Start a group

in 3 easy steps.

Connect with others.

.

__,_._,___

Vol 824 - Aug 12, 2009 - TOP 25 COUNTRY SONGS

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Quotes from "Famous" Mothers - Part 1

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

BARNEY'S MOTHER:
"I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple!"

MARY'S MOTHER:
"I'm not upset the you lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you!"

BATMAN'S MOTHER:
"It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance will be!"

GOLDILOCK'S MOTHER:
"I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the bear family. You know anything about this Goldie?"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER:
"Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get of your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:
"But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something....?"

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Top 25 Country Songs

TOP 25 COUNTRY SONGS

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We're Even.
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

And the Number 1 Country and Western song of all Time is...

1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE RUSSIAN CONVERTIBLES! - OLD SEDAN AND SPORTS CAR - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154091.html

STRANGE WEATHER - STORMS & LIGHTNING! PURPLE STORM CLOUD LIGHTS UP! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153879.html

STRANGE SCARY HALLOWEEN CAKES - SKELETON IN A CASKET - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/154183.html

STRANGE BOTTLED DANGEROUS ANIMALS - COBRA SNAKES! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153733.html

STRANGE COLORFUL BILLED TOUCAN - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153946.html

WWI I- STRANGE HEAVY TANK! - TWIN TRACKS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/153968.html

STRANGE RAILROAD TRAINS - OLD LOCOMOTIVE - GOLDEN! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/154264.html

AIRPORT FIRE SQUAD #50 - ALL LINED UP AND READY! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/154284.html

STRANGE OLDE EUROPEAN 'GIANT' - HAVING A BEER! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/154319.html

STRANGE HANNAH MONTANA - MYLEY CYRUS CONCERT CANDY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/154320.html

STRANGE MOTORCYCLE W/ SPORTS CAR SIDE CAR! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/154321.html

STRANGE AND CRAZY WEDDING DRESSES! WILD! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/154324.html

STRANGE MAP OF EUROPE - WHERE THE BLONDE HAIRED PEOPLE ARE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/154325.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN NUCLEAR POWERED ICE BREAKER! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/154330.html

DANGEROUS OCEAN WEATHER - HEAVY SEAS! - OCEAN GOING TUG PLOWS INTO HUGE WAVE - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153793.html

STRANGE STREET SIGNS & DIRECTIONS - RIGHT LANE TURN LEFT? - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/154332.html

STRANGE SPIDERS - MEXICAN RED KNEE TARANTULA - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153072.html

STRANGE ANIMALS & FARM CRITTERS - TINY MONKEY - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/154096.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - Strange Business Buildings - Companies - Vehicles - Designs

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/100435_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Top 10 Strangest Diets Ever! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153749.html

Strange UFO Newspaper Articles Published in 1949 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/154326.html

The Strange "Minnesota Iceman" Story - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/154327.html

Who Were the Knights Templar? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/154328.html

10 Strange Common Sayings - How They Originated - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/149213.html

5 Deadliest Pandemics in History - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/150205.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Strange Business Buildings - Companies - Vehicles - Designs

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 823 - August 09, 2009 - International Strange Stuff - You May Be From Canada If…

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

QUOTES ABOUT COUNTRIES

Canada is a country so square that even the female impersonators are women. - Richard Brenner

It's easy to understand why the most beautiful poems about England in the spring were written by poets living in Italy at the time. - Philip Dunne

The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language. - P. J. O'Rourke

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. - P. J. O'Rourke "Holidays in Hell"

The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - You May Be From Canada If…

You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."

You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You know what a touque is.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".

Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE ANIMALS & FARM CRITTERS - MOOSE WITH A STOOL PROBLEM - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/154103.html

STRANGE CELEBRITY PROBLEMS - BAD PLASTIC SURGERY! - GINGER AND MARY ANN - GILLIGANS ISLAND STARS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/154114.html

STRANGE & CRAZY COLLEGE SPORTS FANS - WEST VIRGINIA! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/154147.html

FRENCH ATOMIC BOMB TESTS - 1968 - FANGATAUFA ATOLL - 1 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154170.html

STRANGE 2010 NEW CONCEPTS & MODELS - RINSPEED - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153914.html

STRANGE FUN ON THE WATER - BLONDE GOES FLYING ON RAFT TOWED BY SPEEDBOAT - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/154171.html

STRANGE CAKES - SPOOKY HAUNTED HOUSE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/154179.html

STRANGE ANIMAL MUTANTS! - TWO HEADED TURTLE - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/154202.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN BLONDE - SMOKING AND DRINKING STOLI VODKA - IT'S SMOKING!!!!!! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/154203.html

US NAVY AIR CRAFT CARRIER ENTERING NEW YORK HARBOR - STATUE OF LIBERTY - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/154204.html

CIVIL WAR PHOTOS - JAMES RIVER, VIRGINIA. MONITOR USS ONONDAGA - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154053.html

STRANGE SEAWALL DANGERS - HUGE WAVE CRASHES! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153001.html

STRANGE SPIDERS - WOLF SPIDER - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/153069.html

1930'S HARVEST TIME TRUCKS LINED UP OUTSIDE PRODUCE WAREHOUSE - - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154058.html

WWII - NAVAL OPERATIONS - NAVAL BI-PLANE PASSES OVER AIRCRAFT CARRIER - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/153557.html

STRANGE AIRSHIPS AND HANGERS - USS MACON - MOFFETT FIELD - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/154084.html

STRANGE CAR FERRY - LOADED! HANGING OVER THE EDGES! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153864.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - CARS - CUSTOM - CONVERTIBLES - HARDTOPS - CRAZY DESIGNS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100001_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

10 Strange Historical Oddities - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153747.html

Going To War Without France is Like.... - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/23997.html

Some Humor From Australia - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/23814.html

Irish Humor - Worth Reviewing - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/22893.html

Italian Phrases - Useful Phrases You Need to Know - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/22532.html

Understanding Australian Slang - Caution ! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/22475.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - CARS - CUSTOM - CONVERTIBLES - HARDTOPS - CRAZY DESIGNS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Who else's heart skips a beat when your girlfriend asks to use your PC?"

 

This Week:
* CATS - Kitten Newz
* DOLLS - Argos Jade tribute
* PRISON - Jailbird Inventions

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saying 'the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web...' together"

B3ta email 390 - 7 Aug 2009

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue390/

Superglue: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Tippex: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
"The Adventures of One eskimO"

One eskimO are a London based indie band and
their "The Adventures of One eskimO" takes
viewers on an animated journey through an epic
love story. The animation was produced by
Passion Pictures, who were also behind the
production of the visual elements of Gorillaz.
The online experience, through a series of
astonishing flash games to be released at the
beginning of September, allows fans to delve
deeper into the story and to feel part of the
world of One eskimO.
http://www.findlittlefeather.com

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Abba, KTN, Silences and Webcycle

>> Abba sings <<
"Sweden's premier musicians sing about their
infestation of martial artists," claims a
wild-eyed Joel Veitch.
http://www.rathergood.com/abba

>> KTN Newz <<
Monty Propps helps deliver the cats' eye view
of some shocking, kitten-teasing youTubery. Oh!
Teh humanitiez!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/KTN_Newz_present_a_shocking_report

>> Awkward Silences: Dragon's Den <<
Thorpe's Pinteresque re-edit of the poor people
dance for venture capital reality show classic.
"The first in a series (possibly)..." he muses,
stroking his luxuriant beard.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Awkward_Silences_Dragons_Den

>> The Webcycle <<
Tom Scott and Matt Gray have come up with a
novel solution to the nerd obesity time-bomb.
"The faster you pedal, the faster your internet
goes," he cackles gleefully, heralding a new
era of whippet-thin Torrent-tards.
http://www.tomscott.com/webcycle/

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Name that Copyright Free Tune

This is the last of the 7 games in our series -
"pimp b3tards to E4 so they can afford to buy
food." Produced by... well we'd like to name
this chap but he actually refuses to allow us
to use his name and wants to be credited as NTC
Inc. We like this one a lot actually, as it has
fun with the problem of doing a "name that
tune" style thing but having to keep it all
legal by using rubbish old tunes.
http://www.e4.com/game/name-that-copyright-free-tune/play.e4

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Mobile Phone Disasters

Last week we wanted to know how mobile phones
have wrecked your life:
http://b3ta.com/questions/mobiles/

We start with possibly the fluffiest QOTW answer
on b3ta ever:

* DAD - "In the pub and one of my chums goes off
for a wee. I took advantage of his absence by
grabbing his phone and texting his dad. Nothing
nasty, just something along the lines of 'I LOVE
YOU DAD, MISS YOU LOTS xoxox' How we laughed.
Chris didn't laugh that much. It turned out that
he hadn't spoken to or seen his dad for about 4
years following a rather spectacular falling out.
Needless to say I felt like a bit of twat,
apologised and bought him a pint. He was busy
explained what had happened when his phone beepety
beeped. It was his dad. "I MISS YOU TOO SON.
PLEASE COME SEE ME SOMETIME. LOVE DAD." Chris
was a bit stunned and disappeared off the toilet,
returning a bit red-eyed. He had spoken to his dad
(in a drunken stupor) and agreed to go round the
next day, and he did. He met his half brother and
sister for the first time ever, cleared the air
with his dad, was best man at his wedding and is
now in regular contact and they all lived happily
ever after. The End." (spikeypickle)

* DATE - "I once had a date with the dizziest
girl in the world. When I arrived at her front
door to pick her up for the evening, I noticed
a set of keys in the lock, so I took them out
and knocked. And waited. And waited. And knocked
again. And waited. Eventually on the third attempt
the door was opened by my flustered-looking date.
"You'd better come in, I can't find my mobile."
I stood in the hallway while she flung cushions
off chairs and emptied the contents of her handbag
onto the floor. Noticing she had a landline, I
suggested, "Why not give your mobile a ring?"
She furrowed her brow, "But who's going to answer
it?" I laughed thinking that she had made a joke.
She hadn't. "We might hear the ringing?" Her face
lit up with understanding as she thrust her hand
into her coat pocket and pulled out a mobile phone
and started punching in numbers... "You must think
I'm an idiot." "Not at all," I lied, "shall we
go? The table is booked for 8pm". "Ok," she said,
"I just need to find my keys." (Colonel Dracula)

* DATA - "Not long after starting work I ended up
on the IT desktop support team for the trading
floor of a bank. When I started out-of-hours
support, I received a pager. Contained in the box
was the device itself and a printed sheet with
two similar phone numbers on it. I thought it
would be prudent to test it so I logged in to
Vodafone's website, entered my name and sent a
test message to myself with a cheery reminder,
"Don't forget Andy's birthday!" No 'Are you
sure?' message, no warnings whatsoever, it just
sent it. I was impressed by the fluidity of it
all... until about five seconds later, when I
heard beeping behind me. Then to the left, then
to my right, forwards, in the distance... phones
started going off all around me. It was like the
final scene of Lawnmower Man. "Who's Andy?" asked
a colleague. Oh crap. I'd paged the fucking
disaster management distribution list: the entire
management team for the bank, the board of
directors, head traders, front, middle and back
office and the IT department. Worldwide. Around
3,000 in total. One director in New York called
me to complain that I'd woken him up for nothing,
another in Singapore called to tell me how I'd
ruined the expensive dinner he was enjoying with
his wife. From that day forwards, I was known as
'Pager'" (chart cat)

Finally, Meat2veg's brother is going to get
beaten up one day: "My brother bluetooths pics
of himself smiling to people on the tube. When
whoever said 'okay' looks around, he smiles and
waves maniacally."


>> This Week's Question <<
Tell us your tales of your custard fetish and
the rash you got from a bottle of HP sauce.
Because we've ALL had a cucumber stuck up our
chuff at least once in our lives:
http://b3ta.com/questions/foodsex/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Argos commemorate Jade Goody's wedding <<
Argos is always good for a cheap laugh -
remember that stuff about typing "chav" into
their search box and getting a load of rubbish
jewellery? The lols keep coming.
http://snurl.com/argos-jade-goody-wedding

>> Wow, multiplayer notepad! <<
We caught this link on Weds night about 10pm
and didn't stop playing with it until 2am and
our eyes were bleary.
http://www.yourworldoftext.com/b3ta

>> Sticking the word "Fuck" on stuff <<
Defacing things with stickers is always fun -
and "Honey, I fucked the kids" brings joy to
our childish hearts. You can join in too.
http://www.fuckthiswebsite.com/

>> Prison Inventions <<
Fantastic compendium of jailbird ingenuity -
frankly if the lags are this clever and cunning
they should be on Dragon's Den and not rotting
away inside.
http://snipurl.com/prisoninventions

>> Texts from last night <<
We meant to feature this months ago but the
site was down when we went to send the
newsletter - anyway, if you haven't seen this
archive of texts that people have regretted
sending is worth 10 minutes of scanning for
funny lines - "i told him he had the best dick
i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept
repeating 'peter piper picked the perfect
penis.'"
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

>> How to stop gmail showing you ads <<
In the interests of not creating bad publicity
for their clients, Google scans your mail and
if it looks to be of a sensitive nature, say
death, they don't display ads. This, of course,
can be simply hacked by including a few key
words in every mail you send, however the
suggestion to end every mail you send with "PS.
Suicide death 9/11 murder" makes you look mental,
and made us giggle rather uncontrollably.
http://homepage.mac.com/joester5/art/gmail.html

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
We are your internet VCR

>> Handerpants <<
Sick and tired of chafing and hand-damage?
Here's the solution - a garment you wear on
your hands, like the underwear you use to cover
your shame.
http://www.handerpants.com/

>> Wanky band interview <<
Could this be the most pretentious band
interview ever? Certainly up there.
http://bit.ly/FKjJg

>> The Wire with a laugh track <<
We're massive fans of Paul Simon's gritty cop
caper but it's always hard to spot the funny
bits. Thank goodness for this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDIi0dzmvpE

>> Bleeding billboard <<
Absolutely terrifying NZ road safety notice
that oozes blood whenever it rains.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/bloody-billboards

>> DuckTales is awesome! <<
Man dances in pants to celebrate his love for
80s cartoons. What's not to love?
http://gallery.me.com/bentendoisme#100090

>> Copycunts <<
Adland, eh? Full of plagiarising dickheads!
That's the line taken by this blog, which spots
video ideas lifted for ads then rages violently
against the admen involved. For shame!
http://copycunts.blogspot.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Child-size lols for the simple

* UNEXPECTED GOATSE - "I saw this in the pub
and thought of you," greets coobeastie. "The
subtle message is that if you drink and drive,
then your rectum with become distended."
http://snipurl.com/oopsgoatse

* MARKETING THE RAPISTS - This company clearly
doesn't shy away from a challenge.
http://www.marketingtherapists.com

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Teletext Challenge

Last week we wanted you to show how Teletext
could be saved.

Your favourites included:

* JACKO - the deceased King Of Pop lives on,
via 7-bit pixel magic (Q4nobody.co.uk)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9612901

* HORSES - they're the best of all animals,
they're our friends, and they WILL save the
service (Barbarossa)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9614553

* TESCO - a version of this appears in almost
every challenge, but never used so
appropriately (RedStar)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9612255

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/teletext/

>> New challenge: Real World Celebs <<
Can you make Simon le Bon out of a pizza? What
about Fred West from some wool? Pick your
favourite celeb and render them in any media
you like, as long as it's not Photoshop or
drawing.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/realcelebs/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* CLARKSON BEATBOX HIT - This linky did really
well for Swedemason and we've got a bit of
extra background on it from him, "I was
recently laid up with a broken clavicle and
knee, so took advantage of the written-off time
and the trippy painkillers by trawling through
hours of top gear repeats on Dave. Finding
enough sounds for the beat-box almost cost me
my sanity. The ultimate has to be getting a bit
of airtime on Radio 1. Caught it in real time
as we were driving home from a wedding in
Wales. Just very weird." Also MTV producer Ils
got in touch to say, "I sent that lovely
Clarkson beatbox clip to one of the main
editors on 'Top Gear' and he is sending it on
to the lads ASAP." Wonder what the great man
will make of it?

That beatbox link again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY9u0LxIWJk

* LCD PISS TARGETS - "I live in Melbourne,
Australia," claims Dr Dee. "One of my fave
bars, the Horse Bazaar has what they call 'the
Rear Projection Urinal (RPU)' and in the past
I've pissed on Michael Jackson, President Bush
and Arnold Schwarzenegger."
http://www.melbournepubs.com/v/1221/

* WEE GAMES - Thanks also to aspottedbeetle who
pointed us at a company that makes simple video
games controlled by your urine flow. They claim
it's suitable for teaching toddlers proper
toilet behaviour. Which we doubt.
http://www.monzy.org/urinecontrol/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* ARE THEY DRINKABLE? "Have you noticed how
household cleaning products are increasingly
appearing to be drinkable?" writes swa110w,
"Now Comfort conditioner looks like a smoothie
and Bloo toilet cleaner looks like orange
squash!" Can someone turn this into a photoquiz
where players have to guess - from liquid
poured into glasses - which one is drinkable and
which one is liquid death?

* GLOVEMATCH.COM - "National Database of Lost
or Found Gloves." (@shedfire)

* KITTENSLAP - "A bookmarklet that replaces
every image on the site you are viewing with
appropriately-sized kittens." (@killarneyman)

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @lendmeyoureyes,
@waxy, drew, @cartelmike, @screechin,
@applepies, @matt512 and @Dylsy Top Tippery by
Tedium. Additional linkage and image challenge
by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via benja18. Sickipedia via
berkfromtrapdoor.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP: Do a lot of baking?

Dont want to shell out for vanilla essence? Get a
whole vanilla pod and put it in a jar, fill the
jar with sugar, and use this sugar whenever you
need vanilla, just keep topping it up whenever it
gets used.

-------------------------------------------------

Have you noticed, whenever you go into a cancer
research shop, they never seem to be doing any
research?
http://www.sickipedia.org/

__._,_.___

Messages in this topic (1) Reply (via web post) | Start a new topic

Messages | Photos

Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe

Recent Activity

•  57
  New Members

Visit Your Group

Give Back

Yahoo! for Good

Get inspired

by a good cause.

Y! Toolbar

Get it Free!

easy 1-click access

to your groups.

Yahoo! Groups

Start a group

in 3 easy steps.

Connect with others.

.

__,_._,___

Vol 822 - August 05, 2009 - Strange Answers to Questions on Welfare Claims

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeOldePictures.com !

OVER 10,000 GREAT OLDE PICTURES AND IMAGES DATING BACK TO
THE FIRST PICTURES EVER TAKEN - HISTORY - WILD WEST - WORLD WARS
OLDE SPORTS - HEROES & VILLAINS - AUTOS & SHIPS - RAILROADS - A-BOMBS
WEAPONS - OLDE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT - OLDE ADVERTISING - OLDE MOVIE STARS
SILENT PICTURES - STARLETS - CIRCUS ACTS - VAUDEVILLE - TRAVEL

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About Food:

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. - Timothy Jones

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead. - Woody Allen

There are five elements: earth, air, fire, water and garlic. - Louis Diat

$ex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn. - Garrison Keillor

A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing. - Samuel Johnson

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who love chocolate, and communists. - Leslie Moak Murray in "Murray's Law"

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Answers to Questions on Welfare Claims

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had 7 but one died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

I am writing to the welfare department to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?

Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

I cannot get sick pay. I have 6 children. Can you tell me why?

I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.

This is my eight child, what are you going to do about it?

Please find for certain if my husband is dead; the man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows.

I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my boy illiterate as this is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.

In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake, as you will see.

My husband got his project cut off 1 week ago and I haven't had any relief since.

Unless I get my husband's money soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?

I have no children yet, as my husband is a bus driver and works day and night.

In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

I want my money as soon as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for 2 months and he doesn't doe me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE WEATHER - STORMS & LIGHTNING! HUGE LIGHTNING BOLT STRIKES DOWNTOWN - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153876.html

STRANGE 2010 NEW CONCEPTS & MODELS - AUDI - 2 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153911.html

CUTE BLONDE WITH WHITE FACED OWL - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153934.html

THE STRANGE ART OF WATER BUFFALO WALKING! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/153949.html

STRANGE BIG RED BUBBLE CAR! - REAR VIEW - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/153959.html

FAT MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL STARS - NEW YORK GIANTS - WALTER GEORGE BROWN - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/154011.html

SO YOU WANT TO DRIVE A SMART CAR? - THINK AGAIN! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/154035.html

STRANGE "MONSTER" BABY WALKER - AND YOU HAD NIGHTMARES AS A KID? - 1 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/154044.html

AMAZING TRIPLE LIGHTNING STRIKE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/154046.html

STRANGE RELIGIOUS ITEMS AROUND THE WORLD - STRANGE JESUS ON A CROSS - SKY CONTRAILS - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/152710.html

STRANGE OLDE WEST GUNS AND RIFLES - ENGRAVED RIFLE & 6 GUN - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/153138.html

STRANGE GUITARS & MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS - AK-47 ASSAULT RIFLE GUITAR - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/153232.html

STRANGE HORSES - OVER LOADED WAGON PULLED BY POOR OVERWORKED HORSE! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/153286.html

STRANGE BUILDING ORNAMENTS & DESIGN - GARGOYLES! - 2 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153339.html

STRANGE OLDE TINY AUTOS - 1957 BMW ISETTA - 1 - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/153367.html

STRANGE OLDE POLICE MUG SHOTS - 1905 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153508.html

STRANGE POLYNESIAN POLE FISHING - 1 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/153569.html

STRANGE LITTLE KITTENS - A WHOLE HAND FULL! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/153827.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - * COOL - Airplanes - Unique - Strange - Neat Stuff

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/9_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The Worlds Strangest Last Wills - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/154036.html

An Amazing Story - Simply Amazing! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/154042.html

5 Strange Criminal Stories - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/153643.html

Back To School Bloopers - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/25457.html

Strange Actual Test Answers - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/24454.html

Humorous Anagrams - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/110094.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - * COOL - Airplanes - Unique - Strange - Neat Stuff

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/116_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html