Vol 790 - Apr. 15, 2009 - Strange Laws Around the World

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeRacer.com !

OVER 7,000 GREAT PICTURES AND IMAGES OF RACING - ALL KINDS!
DRAG RACING - FORMULA ONE - RALLY CARS - BICYCLE RACING
SAILING REGATTAS - CRASHES - DRAGBOATS - MOTORCYCLES - MONSTER TRUCKS
DRIFTING - HOT PRODUCT MODELS - GO-KARTS - FUN STUFF!

LET YOUR RACING FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT THIS FUN NEW SITE!

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

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Strange Quotes About the Media:

News is what somebody somewhere wants to suppress; all the rest is advertising. (Lord Northcliffe)

You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough. (Joseph E. Levine)

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. (Daniel J. Boorstin)

There's no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary. (Brendan Behan)

In the future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes. (Andy Warhol)

Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead. (Claud Cockburn, winning entry for a dullest headline competition at the Times)

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Laws Around The World

Check out these nutty laws from across the U.S.A. and around the globe!

* In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as "the old ball 'n' chain."

* In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a waiter to tell a customer "I'm really an actor."

* In Indiana, it's against the law to dress "Barbie" in "Ken's" clothes.

* In Sedona, Ariz., it's illegal to lie about your astrological sign.

* In Texas, it's illegal to threaten somebody with an UNLOADED gun.

* In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your wife's birthday.

* In Australia, it's illegal to name any animal you plan to eat.

* In Cannes, France, it's illegal to wear a Jerry Lewis mask.

* In New Jersey, answering a traffic cop who asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" by saying, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" is an automatic $300 fine.

* In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.

* In Portugal, it's against the law to pee in the ocean.

* In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.

* In Vermont, it's illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.

* In Tennessee, it's illegal to tell someone to quit smoking.

* In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter.

* In Georgia, it's illegal to teach a child under 5 the words "penis" and "vagina."

* Unmarried women are not allowed to buy edible panties in South Carolina.

* In Italy, anyone considered "obese" is forbidden from wearing polyester.

* It's illegal to tear a phone book in half in Montana.

* Anyone caught selling a "smoothie" that has lumps is breaking the law in California.

* In Arkansas, it's illegal for a woman getting married for the second time to wear a white wedding gown.

* In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to put a dollar on a string on the ground and yank it when someone tries to pick it up.

* In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call it a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE ENTRANCES - TEETH & BIG MOUTH DOORWAYS! - TEETH! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148678.html

STRANGE MILITARY JET - F-4? - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/148711.html

BASEBALL DANGERS - FOUL BALL FLIES INTO THE CROWD! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/149371.html

STRANGE CRITTERS - FROG WHO IS DEFINITELY NOT A PRINCE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/149381.html

STRANGE CROP CIRCLES AND FARM FIELDS - ARTFIELD - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/149659.html

F1 RACING WINNERS - SOME TROPHIES ARE BIGGER THAN OTHERS! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/149689.html

F-1 RACING DANGERS - FRONT HALF OF THE RACER IS GONE! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/149690.html

F1 RACING DANGERS - TWO RACERS FLYING! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149691.html

RALLY CAR FAN DANGERS - ATTEMPT TO GET A CLOSE-UP PHOTO A DISASTER! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149692.html

RALLY CAR PHOTOG DANGERS - RALLY CAR FLIPS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149693.html

WINTER SPORTS - SWISS 4 MAN BOBSLED RACING DOWN THE TRACK - COOL HELMETS! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149695.html

STRANGE DRAG RACE - SCHOOL BUS & PICKUP TRUCK DOING WHEELIES! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/128943.html

STRANGE BICYCLE RACING - VELODROME DANGERS - FEMALE RUSSIAN RACER RUNS OVER FALLEN BELARUS - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149697.html

STRANGE FORMULA 1 RACING - ON ICE OVAL IN ST. MORITZ ! STUDDED TIRES! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149696.html

STRANGE WATER SPORTS - DRAG BOAT RACING DANGERS FLIP - ONE DRIVER "WALKS AWAY!" - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149698.html

STRANGE RACING - WHEELCHAIR RACER ADJUSTS HIS RACING WHEELCHAIRS REAR TIRES - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149699.html

STRANGE RACING - AIR RACES - PYLONS SET UP ON THE THAMES RIVER - LONDON! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149700.html

STRANGE FORMULA 3 RACER PROTOTYPE - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/124996.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SR - H - RACING ACCIDENTS - Crashes - Disasters - Pile-ups - Injuries

http://www.strangeracer.com/content/category/100526_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

- Taxman Dies Unnoticed at Desk - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/25328.html

What Happened? You TAX Everything! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/120722.html

The 9 Weirdest Tax Write-offs - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/106839.html

Strange Stuff Found in Taxi Cabs - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/109880.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SR - B - F1 - Formula One Racing - Indy Cars - Champ Cars - Open Wheel Racing

http://www.strangeracer.com/content/category/100519_1.html

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Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

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HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

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Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 789 - Apr. 12, 2009 - Strange 7 Question Test

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeFarmer.com !

OVER 5,000 GREAT PICTURES AND IMAGES OF FARMS, FARMERS AND THE STRANGE THINGS THEY DO! STRANGE FOODS & VEGETABLES THEY GROW - THE STRANGE EQUIPMENT THEY RUN AND THE STRANGE BARNS AND BUILDINGS THEY WORK IN. ALSO - INTERNATIONAL FARMS AND FIELDS - STRANGE FARM ANIMALS! - FUN FARM STUFF!

LET YOUR FARM FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT THIS FUN NEW SITE!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Beer" Quotes

Jack Handy. Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink beer, they may be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "Is it better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver?"

William Butler Yeats. The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

Henny Youngman, When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Stephen Wright. 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Dave Barry. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Dean Martin. You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Anonymous. Beer: because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange 7 Question Test

1. A lady read a book, turned the light out and went to sleep. In the morning, when she saw in the newspaper that a ship had sunk drowning all on board, she committed suicide. Why?


2. A young man entered a bar and asked for a glass of water. The person behind the bar produced a gun and pointed it at the man. He replied, "Thank you," and walked off. Why?



3. Imagine you are driving a Mercedes at 100 mph. The steering locks. The doors lock. The brakes fail. You can't get out! You're heading for a 1,000 foot cliff! What do you do?



4. 2 + 2 + 5 = 247. Add one small line to make the sum correct.


5. Luke had it before. Paul had it behind. Ladies have it at the beginning, but only once. Abraham Lincoln had it twice. Boys cannot have it at all. Doctor Lowell had it before and behind. He actually had it twice as bad behind as he had it in front. What is it?


6. A man once broke all of the Ten Commandments. He lied, stole (the value of the article is irrelevant), lusted—which the Bible says is "to commit adultery in his heart," failed to love God above all else, failed to honor his parents, as well as to keep the Sabbath holy. He hated (which God sees as murder), failed to honor God's name, and he also "coveted," which means to want other people's things. How could God, who is perfect and holy (and therefore by His very nature must punish transgression of His Law), forgive him freely, and yet justice still be done? How can the man avoid Hell and go to Heaven?



7. A man on horseback went on a two day trip. He left on Tuesday and arrived home on Tuesday. How could this be?

Answers:

1. She was a lighthouse keeper.

2. He had the hiccups.

3. You stop "imagining."

4. Put a line on the first "+," from the top left, making it into a "4."

2 4 2 + 5 = 247

5. It is the letter "L."

6. The only way the man could avoid being found guilty on Judgment Day when all humanity gives "an account of every idle word," is to repent (turn from his sins) and put his faith in Jesus Christ. He will not do this if he doesn't see his danger. If he is deceived into thinking that God doesn't see his thought-life, or that God won't punish sin (meaning He has less sense of justice than humanity), then he will carry on in his sins. More than likely this will happen because he is ignorant of the fact that the Bible says the only way to enter Heaven is to have "clean hands and a pure heart." But if he is honest and listens to his conscience, he will see he has broken the Commandments, and when all the evidence comes out on Judgment Day, he will be found guilty and end up in Hell. He needs God's mercy. When Jesus died on the cross, He took the punishment for our sins, satisfying eternal justice and at the same time demonstrating God's incredible love for sinful humanity. The mom
ent the man repents and puts his faith in the Savior, God will forgive his sins and give him the gift of everlasting life. He then should read the Bible daily and obey what he reads, showing himself to be genuine in his faith. (He could also write to us for a free Gospel of John).

7. The name of the horse was "Tuesday."

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE ENTRANCES - TEETH & BIG MOUTH DOORWAYS! - TIGER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148664.html

SURFING DANGERS - SHARK CIRCLES MAN ON SURF BOARD - 1 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/148702.html

STRANGE 1936 STOUT SCARAB - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133606.html

NATURE'S MIRACLES - STRANGE ISLAND FORMATIONS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/149293.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN BOXING FAMILY - NIKOLAY VALUEV - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/149348.html

STRANGE AIRSHOW AIRPLANES! - BI-PLANE - WHEELS ON BOTH SIDES - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/149485.html

STRANGE RUSSIAN GIFT - WTC 'TEAR DROP MONUMENT' - TO THE STRUGGLE AGAINST WORLD TERRORISM - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/149536.html

STRANGE FIREWORKS LABELS - THE PUNISHER - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/149550.html

STRANGE HIPPO'S & RHINO'S! - HIPPO MOUTH - BIG TEETH! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/149566.html

STRANGE OLDE ARTILLERY PIECES FROM AROUND THE WORLD - CHINA - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149575.html

STRANGE OLDE ARTILLERY PIECES FROM AROUND THE WORLD - WWII - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149577.html

STRANGE CROP CIRCLES AND FARM FIELDS - MAN & WOMAN? - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/149651.html

STRANGE WWII TANKS AND ARMORED VEHICLES - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149676.html

BIRDS OF PREY - HUNTERS - HAWK GRABS 2 FISH AT ONCE! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/147355.html

CAR WITH GIANT SLINGSHOT - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/111285.html

STRANGE ALBINO ANIMALS - MOOSE - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/148437.html

STRANGE 'ARMLESS' HUNTER & FISHERMAN - 15 - BASS FISHING - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/131995.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - F - FARM WEATHER - WIND - STORMS - SNOW - TORNADOS - FLOODS - DROUGHT

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100749_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Test For Dementia - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/117963.html

Strange One Liners - Caution PUNS! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/120427.html

The "Doo-Wop" Oldies Quiz - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/127112.html

Strange Analogies Contest - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/131079.html

Strange Facts and Basically Useless Information - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/143132.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SF - C - FARM ACCIDENTS - DISASTERS - STRANGE PROBLEMS

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100763_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "THURSDAY CANCELLED DUE TO RECESSION"

This Week:
* ARTY BOLLOCKS - If albums were paperbacks
* QUESTION - Your shitty nightclub experiences
* PHOTOS - Dead people & girls dressed as Daleks

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're shunning
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| success... together"

B3ta email 373 - 9 Apr 2009

Print this out in near letter quality:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue373/

Friends: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Bastards: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
You make the movies

The Industry Trust invites you to recreate an
Iconic Movie moment and win a trip to Orlando.

So; state you might need a bigger fishing
vessel; chew the fat about French cheeseburgers
or bring a knife to a gun fight.

Just prepare yourself for the resulting racial
slur. Enter your opus here
http://tinyurl.com/d7lpof

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
We have the secrets of levitation. Talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Headlines are for girls

>> If albums were paperbacks <<
"Hello Guardian Reading Middle-class media
rebel types!", sneers LittlePixel, "I've
embarked on remaking a set of classic record
sleeves, as if Joe Stalin had won the cold war
and all popular beat combo releases were
expressed in the form of modernist paperbacks
like the penguin books in the sixties. Maybe
you'll like them? - they're probably the
records you listened to in your pot-noodle
eating student waster days so there's easily as
much notalgia as a video of someone wanking to
the sound of a ZX loader." Yes dear, we'll
indulge your rambaling fantasy world as they
actually look really good.
http://snurl.com/bookemdanno

>> Veitch celebrates Black Easter <<
Long term satanist Joel Veitch has finally come
out in his hatred of all things godly. He's
literally conjured up the devil and in a final
heresy he takes Satan's name in vain by giving
him his own face and a potato for a best
friend. Is it good? Is it rubbish? It's so
bloody weird we can't tell.
http://rathergood.com/posaitan

>> Why computers are shit <<
According to Kirby, the answer is simple: it's
like "writing a novel on a typewriter that
dispenses pornography." He suggest you smash
your laptops or at the very least switch off
your WiFi. Never! We'd rather stick our cock in
a George Foreman.
http://www.goodiebag.tv/episodes/13_distraction_machine.htm

>> Cat Face vs Lol Cats <<
Jonti has been banging his head against his
keyboard in frustration that his own catty
creations are not as popular as Lolcats. This
is why:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/catface/Cat+Face+13/

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Unemployed

Last week we asked you for the upsides of not
having a job in these troubled times. Worth
a click purely for Spanky Hanky's story of
self abuse he now, erm, regrets:
http://b3ta.com/questions/unemployed/

Maybe it's not having anything else to do,
but for some reason everyone's stories are
far too long for the newsletter. So here's
The Dirty Weeker's Five Ages of Unemployment

1) ELATION: The sheer freedom! A time in your
life where you can look forward and think, in
the next few MONTHS you have absolutely nothing
to worry about. You can go anywhere, do anything.
Money might be a bit tight, but YOU ARE FREE!

2) HIBERNATION: Every day is the weekend. Sleep
in until 11am. Then 12noon. Then 2pm. Then until
when you get up its actually dark outside. Your
slumber is so deep and relaxing that time is of
no importance now.

3) PROCRASTINATION: After 3 weeks of living like
a vampire, those computer games you've over-played
are becoming tiresome. You are increasingly
frustrated with Phil and Fern's perpetual faux-
happiness and smutty innuendos. You are ready to
smash the TV after yet another glorious and smug
Jeremy Kyle outburst, but can't be bothered.

4) DEPRESSION: Months have passed and you can
barely even sleep anymore. If you do it's at
precisely the wrong time, perhaps when that girl
you fancy is round and you miss everything. There
is no structure to your life. It is sleep, watch
daytime TV, eat shit, shit shit and then struggle
in vain to sleep. Hygiene is out the window, self
respect is at an all-time low.

5) SUICIDE: Tomorrow. Maybe.

>> This Week's Question <<
Nightclubs. Thinly-disguised entrances to Hell
where bad things happen. Tell us your
dancefloor disasters:
http://b3ta.com/questions/nightclubs/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Playing possum <<
Our favourite form of masturbation is to lay
naked in front of a mirror, play dead and
imagine we're wanking over a corpse. Not
really, stiffs don't really give us stiffys,
we're joking for "comic effect." Anyway, if you
want to see lots of pillocks pretending they're
corpses then click now, for tomorrow it may be
too late.
http://www.playdeadpics.com/

>> Mini studio sets <<
Coming on like a dollhouse for an elderly
homosexual who works in TV, is this meticulous
collection of miniature recreations of studio
sets. Including The Golden Girls, Roseanne and
The Brady Bunch it's actually quite hard to
tell them all apart, but it does make the point
all these shows were filmed on a soundstage in
front on an audience, and not (as we'd
previously believed) in a real house. TVs magic
spell is broken. BTW: We'd also like to see a
flea circus version. Ideally of Curb Your
Enthusiasm.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/24682838@N05/

>> Coffin dodgers <<
A great present for an eldery relative with
wartime "waste not want not" attitudes, we
bring you a shelving unit that turns into a
coffin. Might be nice to get a small one for
the kids.
http://snurl.com/shelfishbastard

>> Easy crap remix tool <<
Happy hardcore - remember that? Now you can
make your own shit remix by uploading an MP3
and "putting a donk on it". Our shout goes out
to the Pearly Kings of Cockney Land, Chas &
Dave with their soon to be donk classic, Rabbit.
http://www.donkdj.com/remix/48943/duplicates

>> Girls dressed as Daleks <<
In what the B3ta missus describes as "horrid
soft porn for nerds but you'll be playing to
the gallery so stick it in" we bring you three
passably attractive young women dressed to give
the I.T cupboard a thrill.
http://echidnite.livejournal.com/23690.html

>> Mock the police <<
Not feeling very positive about the boys in
blue at the moment - what with the Ian
Tomlinson G20 death case and our own
experiences of multiple burglaries and actually
meeting the local coppers and realising that
they're thick and are mostly imported from the
provinces and have less local knowledge than a
cabbage. Anyway, their latest offering is a
bunch of scaremongering posters suggesting that
we riffle through our neighbours bins looking
for bomb making equipment. Make your own poster
with this handy tool:
http://jamesholden.net/billboard/

And here's one we made earlier:
http://snurl.com/tosh_is_our_fave_copper_ever

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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Kissing Kittens

Our black hearts briefly thawed with this
spectacular burst of uber fluff. It's like a
unicorn ejaculating rainbows in your face.
http://www.catspictures.net/2009/04/cats-in-love-pictures.html

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Sinister moving lanterns. Burn the witches.

>> Dog singing with self played piano accompaniment <<
Passing the test of "does it make a three year
old laugh?" with flying colours, although our
kidlet did then say, "Now I want spiders.
Spiders!" comes a canine with a casio making
music that's no so much sweet as bloody awful.
Christ, we could do better and we're not even a
dog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-UE1kN38wo

>> Iron Man vs Bruce Lee <<
Making us realise once and for all that we're
completely shit at stop-motion and we shouldn't
even bother trying. Thanks guys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ywu1DeqXTg4

>> Snatch Vs Star Wars <<
We've hated Guy Ritchie ever since we say him
on TV cunt-fest TFI Friday being all pally with
Vinny Jones, and vowed never to watch his films
and flick poo on him should he ever pass us in
the street. However, our ignorance of his
oeuvre didn't stop us enjoying this Cockney
Darth Vader mash-up.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Snatch_Wars_Snatch_Vs_Star_Wars

>> Top 60 Ghetto Black Names <<
Racist? Probably. Wrong? Mostly. Funny?
Definitely.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Top_60_Ghetto_Black_Names

>> Mittens: The Crime Solving Cat <<
Fromt the people who brought you Charlie The
Unicorn comes another amusing animal related
animation. This time starring... cats! Next
week they'll revive hamsters as the premier way
of getting the internet to lol.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVx2uCcDXX0

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
A building that looks like a cock you say?

Florida is famous for three things: old people,
orange juice and inventing fluoride. And now?
Hopefully this fame-triumvirate will be
shattered by having the finest cock and ball
shaped building in the USA.
http://snurl.com/spacecocks

BTW: Smash Hits once asked Roland Orzabal of
Tears for Fears, "what's the favourite
plaything from childhood that you still have?"
He answered, "My penis."

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Pop Goes The Movies Challenge

Last week we wanted you to add pop stars to
Hollywood blockbusters.

Your favourites included:

* HAMMER - Aardman Animations reveal a surprise
addition to their Christmas Special lineup (The
Great Architect)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9327528

* JADE - not a pop star, but surely only cancer
denied us a cracking pop album from the
peoples' princess (Griffy Savalas)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9326881

* WACKO - spicing up the nation's favourite
jewish musical with a single white glove and a
chimp (prodigy69)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9325886

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/popmovies/

>> New challenge: Video Game Reality <<
Computer games are supposed to be fun, but we
never consider the grim reality of what takes
place. Show us what remains in the wake of all
that death and destruction: the heartbreak, the
grief, and the tragedy. Challenge suggested by
valoukh.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/reality/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* HOVER BACON - long term readers will remember
Joel's peculiar song about "pork with
levitation", and will be pleased to see it sung
by a old woman with a cockatoo. She's so mad,
unlikely and funny we actually started to
hyperventilate.
http://b3ta.com/links/Hover_Bacon_sung_by_a_woman_with_a_cockatoo

* DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? - "Hello", writes
skeptobot, "I was that guy that tried to make
the Oyster Card Wand thing that didn't work out
(and now they've changed the way oystercards
work to stop you doing it, the sods). Anyhow
I've made this, Basically I used Omegle.com, a
chatroom that randomly pairs you with strangers
to ask 36 people (& counting) whether they
believed in God, and I've posted the answers
I've got up there, regardless to whether they
were good of awful answers." BTW: Interesting
stuff - we just tried a similar thing and asked
a few users, "do animals have souls?" and we
can conclude using omegle to ask openish
questions is vaguely good.
http://doyoubelieveingod.tumblr.com/

* MORE BACON NONSENSE - "As a bacon loving
newsletter", barks Stuk, "I thought you may be
interested in a BLT wrapwidge I made. It uses a
bacon lattice from the Meat Sushi you featured
a while ago, and wraps it around classic BLT
ingredients to make something resembling a
heart attack." He then continues in a
fantastically successful ploy to make us link
to him, "Always look forward to the newsletter.
Keep the good work up!"
http://thejunkyard.co.uk/?p=55

* ERRORS.NZ - 17 of you, that is, the entire
population of New Zealand wrote in to point out
our error in last weeks newsletter. "Re: News
anchor makes fun of lady's moustache", jibbers
trigger_nz, "It was Paul Henry, not Paul
Holmes. The first is a genius, the second a
complete tosser. Not your fault though, the
video was mislabelled."

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* GUARDIAN API HACKS - amused to see this chart
that plots the rise of cuss words in the
Guardian. Now can someone use the same
technology to test their spelling? (I know we
can't talk, but hey, we don't even have staff
let alone subs.)
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/pda/2009/apr/03/research-digital-media

* INSTANT MASH-UP GENERATOR - milne_alec asks,
"I want a site that will mash together two
chosen websites." So typing in as tnaflix.com
and cheese.com will give a strange mishmash of
cheese and pornography? Fantastic.

* PINT IN THE SUNSHINE APPLICATION - bu5ta also
asks, "It's cold outside this time of year
unless you're directly in the sunlight. How
about an iphone application that uses google
maps/ earth to triangulate the height of
buildings/ rotation of the sun to tell me where
I can drink around London at any time and still
stand in the sun? I don't have the expertise
for this but reckon one of the b3tards will."

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by jon bounds, Terry,
roystead, jdxnster, Rick-the-Dick,
Willwillwritehiswill and bowi555. Twitter
helpers: @ParkaBoi @sheepfilms @Daffydil
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Barbarossa did the subjlols. Geeky joke that we
really like but thought too obscure for most:
http://www.zazzle.com/css_is_awesome_mug-168716435071981928

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:

How does Stephen Hawking run?
On double A's.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 788 - Apr. 08, 2009 - Strange Definitions

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeFarmer.com !

OVER 5,000 GREAT PICTURES AND IMAGES OF FARMS, FARMERS AND THE STRANGE THINGS THEY DO! STRANGE FOODS & VEGETABLES THEY GROW - THE STRANGE EQUIPMENT THEY RUN AND THE STRANGE BARNS AND BUILDINGS THEY WORK IN. ALSO - INTERNATIONAL FARMS AND FIELDS - STRANGE FARM ANIMALS! - FUN FARM STUFF!

LET YOUR FARM FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT THIS FUN NEW SITE!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Business" Quotes:

"When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's composed of aluminum and vinyl." [Flugg]

"If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then add one more as an afterthought, he'll forget two of the first five." [Wives]

"Keep up with the Grabowskis . . . you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses." [Advice on Status]

"Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work."

"The dirt is also on the other side." [Frisk Principle of Window Cleaning]

"When all else fails, why not read the instructions?"

"We should refrain from making very harsh judgments of people just because they happen to be dirty, no-good s.o.b.s."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Definitions

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE STUNTS - ANNIE TAYLOR - OVER NIAGARA FALLS IN A BARREL - 1901 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/148407.html

STRANGE ENTRANCES - TEETH & BIG MOUTH DOORWAYS! - FACE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/148674.html

STRANGE SHARK MOUTH - HUGE FISH INSIDE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/148810.html

STRANGE ICE FISHING LITTLE BIRD - 3 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148967.html

STRANGE HOME PROJECTS - OSHA WOULD NOT APPROVE! - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/149017.html

NATURE'S MIRACLES - STRANGE ISLAND FORMATIONS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/149299.html

1939 FORD PANEL TRUCK - AMBULANCE - FRONT - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/149338.html

STRANGE BOXING PICTURES - GREAT EXPRESSIONS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/149345.html

STRANGE ISLAND COMMUNITY - A BIT CRAMPED! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/149362.html

STRANGE FIRE ENGINE GOLF CART - WITH LADDER! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/149404.html

STRANGE COWS - THEY'RE HUGE! - 1 - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/149416.html

STRANGE JET POWERED MONORAIL VEHICLE - AEROTRAIN - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/149419.html

REAL BUTTER SCULPTURE - MOOOOOOOO! - CREAMY COW - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/15879.html

STRANGE "ANGEL" TOMATO - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/129247.html

STRANGE 'CITRUS' RELIGIOUS STATUE! - ORANGES & LEMONS - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/114346.html

STRANGE SQUARE WATERMELONS - EASY TO SHIP! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/141432.html

COOL 'GOAT' HOUSE - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/111266.html

HORSE HELPS GOAT REACH TALL LEAVES - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/115121.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - B - FARM BUILDINGS - BARNS - SILOS - CHICKEN COOPS - STABLES

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100745_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

10 Famous Authors Who Only Wrote ONE Book! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/149394.html

The Difference Between College And High School - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/109029.html

Strange Results - Rearrange The Letters - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/108161.html

The Top 20 Weirdest Celebrity Baby Names - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/109889.html

15 Great Ways To Get Revenge... - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/110286.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SF - G - INTERNATIONAL FARMS - FOREIGN FARMS - CROPS - ASIA - EUROPE

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100750_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 787 - Apr. 05, 2009 - Strange Advice From the Old Farmer

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

www.StrangeFarmer.com !

OVER 5,000 GREAT PICTURES AND IMAGES OF FARMS, FARMERS AND THE STRANGE THINGS THEY DO! STRANGE FOODS & VEGETABLES THEY GROW - THE STRANGE EQUIPMENT THEY RUN AND THE STRANGE BARNS AND BUILDINGS THEY WORK IN. ALSO - INTERNATIONAL FARMS AND FIELDS - STRANGE FARM ANIMALS! - FUN FARM STUFF!

LET YOUR FARM FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT THIS FUN NEW SITE!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Will Rogers Quotes:

A fool and his money are soon elected.

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Advice From the Old Farmer

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.

Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE STUNTS - PETER De BERNADI & JEFFERY PETKOVICH - OVER NIAGARA FALLS IN A DUAL BARREL - 1989 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148409.html

STRANGE TINY CARS - BOWLING LOVER - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/148426.html

STRANGE FLYING AUTO - THE AEROCAR - 1949 - INFLIGHT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/148741.html

STRANGE FROGS & TOADS - KISS ME! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/148864.html

STRANGE VOLKSWAGEN BUS ROLLING POOL TABLE - 1 - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/149012.html

STRANGE PORSCHE CAYENNE AMBULANCE - AUSTRIA - FULLY EQUIPT! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/149054.html

PORTUGUESE TALLSHIP - NRP SAGRES II - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/149110.html

STRANGE MATCHSTICK VIOLIN & BOW - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149119.html

NATURE'S MIRACLES - STRANGE ISLAND FORMATIONS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/149290.html

NATURE'S WONDERS - STRANGE LOOKING ANIMALS! LLAMA - UP CLOSE! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/149321.html

FARMER 'WRITES' PERSONAL AD IN GIANT CORN-STALK LETTERS - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/109853.html

FARMERS IN BLACK & WHITE T-SHIRTS FORM A HUGE COW! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/119438.html

FARM FUN - STRANGE 'EASTER BUNNY' HAY BALES - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/130216.html

FARM FUN - PICKUP TRUCK CANAL WAKE BOARDING! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/106688.html

STRANGE CREATIVE HAYSTACKS, HAY FORTS AND ROLLS OF HAY - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/148247.html

FARM TRACTOR ACCIDENT - HONEY, THE JOHN DEERE IS IN THE DEN! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/136029.html

FARM TRUCK - 1936 - GRAIN COMPANY! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/143241.html

OLDE "STEEL WHEEL" TRACTOR - 1903 - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/138605.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SF - C - FARM EQUIPMENT - TRACTORS - TRUCKS - PLOWS - QUADS - COMBINES

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100746_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

12 of The Strangest & Most Ridiculous Lawsuits - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/148815.html

10 Strange Common Sayings - How They Originated - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/149213.html

Letter From Farm Kid in The Marines - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/25097.html

Farmer's Logic - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/20381.html

----------------------------------------------------------

The Featured New Category This Week - SF - E - FARM CROPS - PRODUCE - VEGETABLES - WORLD RECORDS

http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/category/100748_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "NEWSLETTER TO BE REPLACED BY TWITTER FEED LOLS"

This Week:
* VIDEO - Lady beard
* COCK - Joel gets his out
* PRETEND BOOK - I Spot School Misery

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | on floppy disks in case
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| of SC Card apocalypse"

B3ta fax 372 - 3 Apr 2009

Read this issue on Teletext:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue372/

Gosub: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Return: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Why the Real Estate Boom Will Not Bust

For our readers with a taste for rubbing salt
into wounds, this is the perfect birthday gift
for friends who've invested their life savings
in buy-to-lets.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0385514352/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Stuff, nonsense and piffle

>> I Spot School Misery <<
Your newsletter team of Rob & Dave found school
pretty miserable really, but the silver lining
is that E4 asked us to pour our experiences
into the form of some kind of fake book. All
voted for by you, lovely B3ta people. And
absolutely riddled with obscure references to
Smestow School of Wolverhampton circa 85 to 92.
Oops, we've completely outed ourselves.
http://www.e4.com/wtf/school/index.html

>> 8-BIT Waterslide in REAL LIFE! <<
"Thought you might enjoy this video we made for
a competition", pipes up Teaandcheese. "Feel
free to vote but more importantly I hope you
get a few laughs from it." Mostly we enjoyed
the enormous amount of effort they've gone to
to produce this. We once had 8 wanks in one
day, which was an equally difficult
achievement.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/8_BIT_Waterslide_in_REAL_LIFE

>> Cockenspiel <<
Veitch writes, "We've finally made the most
advanced and realistic "playing a glockenspiel
with your cock" simulator on the internets."
Good stuff sir - what next? An anal sexaphone?
http://rathergood.com/cockenspiel

>> Weebl Vs Armageddon<<
Jonti is getting his final payment for his
"shed for babby" by pimping his egg-shaped
creatures to sell egg-shaped chocolate. This
one is riffing on Bruce Willis's Armageddon,
where Brucey played an egg-shaped bald man
dodging asteroids. As per usual, if you stay
for the credits you'll get one of Jonti's
special songs.
http://tinyurl.com/ccwzk3

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Nativity Plays

Last week we asked your earliest stage appearances
- you know, back when the school play once a year
had a part for _everyone_. Go read them, if only
for A Bean Countin' Man's lovely tale of (nice)
stalking:
http://b3ta.com/questions/nativityplays/

* NOT NINJAS - "I can trump all of those "I was
a tree" or "I played a cow" stories: in the
second year junior school I played... a patch
of darkness. Oh yes. Myself and 4 or 5 others
dressed entirely in black with black face paint
on a dimly lit stage. I don't think the headmaster
liked me." (MrC)

* COMING OUT OF THE TREES - "Last year my daughter
played her first part in the school play: tree
number 3 in sleeping beauty. The costume consisted
of a large cardboard tube, a brown jumper and
cardboard cut out of leaves taped to her hands.
The plan was for the trees to be playfully hit
by the prince the trees and fall down. The prince
got to the first tree and swung his plastic sword
Whack! The first tree-kid fell over. The prince
galloped over to the second one and whack! Second
tree-kid falls over too. The prince then wandered
over to my kid and hit her. She stays stood. The
prince whacked the tree again, this time a little
harder. This time she moved, but not the way planned.
My daughter has been brought up with two brothers
and when there is a fight to be had she won't back
down. The tree came alive, Whomping Willow style,
uprooted itself and chased the (now in tears)
prince off the stage. The now sobbing prince returns
to stage holding a teacher's hand and is walked to
Sleeping Beauty and wakes her up while off-stage
the voice of a pissed-off tree yells, "He started
it - he hit me first!" (mon bison)

* RHUBARB - "I was about seven and was cast as one
of the shepherds. We were to enter, stage left,
talking amongst ourselves. There were no lines,
just the instruction to 'talk amongst yourselves.'
I asked a teacher what sort of thing we we should
say and was told, "Just say 'rhubarb'." Now, I
may not have been great at improvising dialogue,
but I *was* good at organising and motivating...
Enter stage left a group of shepherds, inexplicably
bellowing "Rhubarb!" perfectly in unison. The
following year I was a tree." (superscape)

>> This Week's Question: scroungers <<
Dole scum? There must be an upside to not
working. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/unemployed/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Before / after photoshopping <<
Cameras never lie but Photoshop does. Enjoy
this large collection of before and after
images that demonstrate the dark arts of the
retoucher. If only you could do this in real
life: we'd give our cat bigger tits.
http://detouch.org/

>> ActionObama! <<
Obama isn't just a puppet of the New World
Order - no really, he's literally a puppet. We
particularly liked his detachable pointy finger
- ideal for pointing at little ants and
shouting, "are you part of the solution?"
http://gamu-toys.info/sonota/sw/obama/obama.html

>> Talk to strangers on the internet <<
Our mum told us never to talk to strangers, but
then again she also told us we'd end up working
on the bins and considered a 'sweet corn and
sardine pizza' the height of cuisine. This site
is extremely addictive, it's like almost like
having friends. So tuck in, friendless:
http://omegle.com/

>> The worst Star Trek costumes in history <<
Cosplay is the sport of winners, and only the
real hotshots attempt Star Wars regalia with
such cack-handed panache. It's like Paris
fashion week for the blind.
http://www.holytaco.com/worst-homemade-star-wars-costumes

>> Construction Mistakes <<
Stairs that lead to ceilings, CCTV cameras that
point the back of an old telly and a cashpoint
halfway up a side of a building. Bloody hell
mate, you've 'ad the cowboys in ain't yer?
http://www.crookedbrains.net/2009/03/construction.html

>> Guess the state of her muff <<
NSFW. A collection of ladies, dressed normally,
not looking like they might have "done porn".
Your job, gentle reader, is to imagine the
condition of their pant moustache, then click
for the full hairy reveal. (NSFW and likely to
be booted off blogspot pretty soon we reckon.)
http://guesshermuff.blogspot.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
This year's answer to CD-Rom

>> News anchor makes fun of lady's moustache <<
Winning B3ta's coveted TV Personality of the
Year 2009 is New Zealand's Paul Holmes who in
the past described U.N bigwig Kofi Annan as a
"cheeky darkie", New Zealand politician Tariana
Turia as a "confused bag of lard" and his
latest gaffe was not to shut up during a live
broadcast about a woman with a tache. He makes
Clarky look like a limp wristed pinko, and this
is England, giving Paul an open invitation to
come over here and save TV.
http://snurl.com/tashlols

>> Shatner eats pudding <<
We love the tubby Trek meister's almost sexual
pleasure as he tucks into this pot of creamy
dessert. Again. And again. And we know he keeps
a few pots on his bedside table for those
peckish night-time moments. Either that or
someone's blown him up with a bicycle pump and
forgotten to let the air out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr6efnY9Ebw

>> Steel Panther - Death to all but metal <<
For a brief moment in about 2003, the Darkness
took the charts by storm with their oh so
ironic take on rock. These guys do it better,
taking the piss and making our hearts beat
faster as they unleashed the power of metal.
Justin must be spitting feathers as he sits
alone in his council flat eating a pot noodle
and wiping the tear-stains off his spandex.
Brilliant. Make sure you watch right to the end.
http://b3ta.com/links/Steel_Panther_Death_to_all_but_metal

>> Stupid animal lols <<
Despite millions of years of evolution, animals
are still as thick as pig shit. Silly cat.
Silly hamster in wok.
http://snurl.com/fishcatlols
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on-qaC-TGoA

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Attempts at funny from the autism hut

* WOMB LOGO LOLS - "Couple of people at the
University of Lincoln have been laughing at
this new logo seen around campus", informs The
Mong Arm Of The Law, "Earlier I got linked to a
lovely image detailing it and I thought it was
perfect for the newsletter." Heh, this almost
could be called a smear campaign.
http://snurl.com/wombwombshakethewomb

* GOOGLE STREET VIEW BLUNDERS - Jon Bounds of
'Birmingham, it's not shit' fame writes,
"Created by the way Google has stitched two of
its Street View panoramas in Smethwick, take
the advert for a film and a moving bus." Great!
Next week we bring you U2's new chart topping
bum.
http://snurl.com/googlemyanus

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Wrongstructions Challenge

Last week we wanted to you to mess with
instructions.

Your favourites included:

* BACON - bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon (Barbarossa)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9307252

* DEATH STAR - serves 'em right for getting
cowboy builders in (barryheadwound)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9306990

* POPE - The Vatican's change of heart on
contraception was introduced in spectacular
fashion (BobilFlass)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9314279

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/wrongstructions/

>> New challenge: Pop Goes The Movies <<
Time was, any pop star worth their salt would
make a shit movie to earn a few quick quid
(even Slade made one). Now it's just rappers.
What films would YOUR favourite pop stars
appear in? Challenge suggested by Joe
Scaramanga
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/popmovies/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* BLOGS VS SCOTTISH TABLOIDS - following on
from the recent internet revolt against the
Scottish Sunday Express VS Dunblane survivors
story, comes Jamie Ross, a young writer
currently blogging his experiences with cancer
and trying to make it as a comedy writer. He's
not too happy that the Scottish Sun ripped
lumps of his blog and edited it down to a
'poor, brave, cancer survivor' story. Anyway,
tuck in if you like internet rows, and frankly
we do.
http://snurl.com/seriousinternetbusiness

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* PRINTABLE BOOK COVERS FOR BOOKS YOU'RE
EMBARRASSED TO READ IN PUBLIC - currently we're
working our way through the Charles Manson
murder biog Helter Skelter, it's got a truly
frightening cover and we had to make a DIY
dust-cover from a sheet of A4 so we could read
it in a children's playground without looking
like a mental. However the official B3ta wife
now thinks we made ourselves look like we were
reading porn. In front of children.

* CHOCOLATE TEAPOT EASTER EGGS - yes we know
we've covered choccy teapots before, but with
Easter coming up wouldn't they make the perfect
gift for the useless idiots in your life? You
could say, "you're as useful as a chocolate
teapot" and they'd have to accept the insult
because it would be made of lovely, luscious
chocolate. PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PRODUCT DESIGN
FOR THE WIN.

* BISCUIT MASHUPS - Custard Dodgers, Gypsy
Bourbons, and Figgy Hobnobs. Biscuits 2.0 is
coming and if you don't step up to the plate
then you're a crummy bastard.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff twittered in by @j2n4me,
@frizfrizzle, @iainthomson, @c_j_s. Other stuff
via email / or the board from Floppy Donkey,
Monty Propps, Professor Kenny Martin and
GomiNoSensei. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Bono joke from
FishNChimps. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlol via Emvee AKA Rob Lees Jones,
who once turned up at our house in a skirt.

New world order? Was that the one
with John Barnes rapping on it?

#fallowfriday @crop_rotation @top_soil
@nitrogen and not forgetting the
@1933_Agricultural_Adjustment_Act

AND AND AND, we might have got to this a bit
late but has everyone seen this giant cock
on a roof?
http://snurl.com/giant_cock_on_a_roof

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to
write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a
basic skill isn't it....
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 786 - Apr. 01, 2009 - Strange Legal Defenses

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

INTRODUCING THE NEWEST 'STRANGE' FAMILY MEMBER!

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About "Fools"

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. ~ Douglas Adams

You don't have to fool all the people all of the time; you just have to fool enough to get elected. ~ Gerald Barzan

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. ~ Josh Billings

A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him. ~ Nicholas Boileau

Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. ~ Frank Dane

A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave. ~ William Drummond

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Legal Defenses

In 1996, a Californian judge ruled against James Pflugradt's estate and in favor of the deceased's former landlord. The judge allowed the landlord to keep Pflugradt's $825 security deposit because he died without giving 30 days notice.

Troy Matthew Gentzler confessed to tossing rocks at cars from an overpass on Interstate 83 near York, Pennsylvania. But his lawyer claimed he was the victim of "Roid rage," erratic emotional swings caused by steroid use.

In October 1996, Charles S. Shapiro begged the Montgomery County, Maryland, court to allow him to change his plea to not guilty of hiring a hit man. He claimed his judgment had been impaired because he had ingested tranquilizers along with a bottle of Tums before confessing.

A Saint Louis, Missouri, man argued that the reason the jury found him guilty of stealing court documents wasn't that it had been prejudiced against him. The man claimed he was demonized because the judge allowed the jury to learn he was a lawyer.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE TURTLES - LAND TORTISE GET'S A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY CAKE - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148368.html

STRANGE STUNTS - BOBBY LEACH - OVER NIAGARA FALLS IN A BARREL - 1911 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/148406.html

STRANGE ENTRANCES - TEETH & BIG MOUTH DOORWAYS! - CLOWN - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/148671.html

STRANGE FROGS - SHOWDOWN WITH GRASSHOPPER - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/148856.html

STRANGE NEW AUTO RACING - DRIFTING! - RED BULL RACER - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/148915.html

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WHAT KIND OF CARS DO THE STARS DRIVE? CHECK IT OUT! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149032.html

STRANGE MUGSHOTS - OLDE MAFIA CRIMINALS AND THEIR GIRLFRIENDS - ROARING 20'S - 1928 - CRAIG, NEIL, THOMPSON & WILSON - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/149050.html

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SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - HARBOR & WATERFRONT - 1850 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/130008.html

STRANGE 1923 PIX - INDIANS OF FINGER LAKES REGION NEW YORK - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/143978.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SOP - A - OLDE VEHICLES - CARS & TRUCKS 1900 - 1940

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/category/100887_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

History's Six Most Famous Mama's Boys - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/148800.html

Why The Strange Old Man Feeds The Seagulls - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/149015.html

One Reason CitiBank Needed the Bailout - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/149016.html

Strange Confession: Dying Man Says he Killed a Man in 1977 - Gets Better - Gets Arrested! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/149081.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SOP - A - WWI & WWII - COLOR PICTURES - VIETNAM & KOREA

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==================================

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