VOL 1596 - APRIL 23, 2017 - Strange Facts From Fly-over Country for East & West Coast Elite Snobs

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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APRIL FUN !

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Strange Quotes: Famous Curses!

May your every wish be granted. - Ancient Chinese Curse

May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket. - Arab Curse

May those that love us, love us;
and to those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts;
and if He doesn't turn their hearts,
may He turn their ankles
so we'll know them by their limping.
- - - Old Irish Toast

May you wander over the face of the earth forever, never sleep twice in the same bed, never drink water twice from the same well, and never cross the same river twice in a year. - Traditional Gypsy Curse

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Facts From Fly-over Country for East & West Coast Elite Snobs

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross into states such as Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska, the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the states.

1. That slope-shouldered farm body did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we shot Bambi, we got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us when a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for - "bait".

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an Idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use four weeks a year.

12. Let's get it straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too - and turtle. Your really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 69 goes two ways. State Road 24 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

19. That Officer, be it Conservation Officer, sheriff deputy, city police, or highway patrol that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir".


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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE MEMORY FOAM MATTRESS ON TOP OF CAR! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202074.html


STRANGE MILITARY JETS - IRAN'S NEW STEALTH QAHER 313 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202122.html


HUGE ICEBERG GROUNDED OFF NEWFOUNDLAND COAST NEAR VILLAGE OF FERRYLAND - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202123.html


STRANGE MILITARY PIXS - SOUTH KOREAN SOLDIER HOLDS THE HAND OF ANOTHER WHEN OPENING THE DOOR TO N KOREA - TO PREVENT SNATCH TO OTHER SIDE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202149.html


STRANGE & CRAZY CUSTOM CARS - WILD 8 WHEEL SPORTS CAR WITH AMAZING PAINT JOB! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202153.html


GREAT PARKING LOT WARNING DECAL - I'VE GOT KIDS - DON'T PARK TOO CLOSE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202154.html


STRANGE BUSINESS VEHICLES - WILD CUSTOM PAINT JOB ON 18 WHEEL CAB - WOW! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202155.html


STRANGE TREE SHADOWS AND FROST MELT - PERFECT OUTLINE OF HUGE OAK TREE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202156.html


POLICE FUN - OFFICER ADJUST HIS REPORT REGARDING ESCAPED ZOO ANIMAL PRIORITIES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202157.html


VINTAGE CELEB SELFIES - MICHAEL JACKSON - 1996 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202158.html


CRAZY SNOW FUN - HUGE CROWD SLIDES DOWN SLOPE ON LARGE PLASTIC SHEET! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202159.html


STRANGE MILITARY DANGERS - CHICKEN BOMBS! - ISIS IS STRAPPING EXPLOSIVE TO CHICKEN TO WANDER INTO MILITARY CAMPS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202160.html


STRANGE OLD HISTORICAL TOOLS - FRENCH BORDELLO CANDLES - WHEN LIT - YOU HAVE ABOUT 7 MINUTES TO FINISH! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202161.html


STRANGE ROCKS - CRAZY GEODE LOOKS LIKE A BURRITO! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202162.html


STRANGE PEOPLE - KING OF SWEDEN DRESSED UP FOR EASTER WITH BUNNY EARS! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202163.html


STRANGE LOGGING DANGERS - ROTTED TREE TRUNK EXPLODES WHEN LOGGER USES CHAINSAW TO CIT DOWN! WILD ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202165.html


IRONY - BULLY PICKING ON A SMALLER GUY TAKES A LEFT HOOK - FALLS DOWN! - FUN ACTION GIF - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202166.html


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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - DAY TRIPS - STRANGE DESTINATIONS - BRIDGES - MOTELS - TOURIST SPOTS - GAS STATIONS - JUNK YARDS - DEALERSHIPS - PARKING LOTS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100726_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week


- Lexophilia - Strange "Groaner" Jokes - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202121.html


- Strange Scrabble Trivia - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/148703.html


- Wordsmithing Fun - The Mensa Invitational! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/135651.html


- 13 Most Ridiculous Predictions Made on Earth Day, 1970 (aka "Settled Science') - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/202169.html


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The Featured New Category This Week - JUST PLAIN STRANGE PEOPLE - Morons - Idiots - Goofs

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100348_1.html

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