This Week:
* UKIP - Sir Ian Bowler at Carnival
* NEAR-DEATH - Your thrilling tales
* STAR WARS - directed by David Lynch
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Come back up
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | to say hello"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|
B3ta email 631 - 23 MAY 2014
Read these words in a rumbling baritone:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue631
Rubup : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Parpdown : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
>> Sir Ian Bowler at the UKIP Carnival <<
"Sir Ian went to the UKIP carnival today,"
explains alter-ego Natt. "So that you didn't
have to..."
http://b3ta.com/links/Sir_Ian_Bowler_at_the_UKIP_Carnival
>> The Thirteen Doctors <<
"My new thing that I made!" glees MistaRoosta,
as all the Doctors morph into each other. Has
the effect of showing just how off-beat Matt
Smith's looks really are.
http://b3ta.com/links/Doctor_Who_The_Thirteen_Doctors
>> Rubber Balls presents... Nigel Farage TV <<
Does it seem like Nigel Farage is on television
quite a lot these days? "This is the first
video of a comedy enterprise founded by fellow
b3tan Harry Webshiter and myself," writes
jonofthesouth.
http://b3ta.com/links/Rubber_Balls_presents_Nigel_Farage_TV
>> Arsenal's manager meets The Lion King <<
Beautifully weak punnery by dogfood.
http://b3ta.com/links/Well_done_Arsenal_and_their_boss
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: USVSTH3M
We make things
* Who should you have voted for in the EU
elections? Well, yeah, we did this before the
ballots closed, but still a mildly interesting
question innit.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/86407754618/
* Hot, drinkable cat food - A coffee company
asked us to write some sponsored content and we
responded by making coffee out of all the brown
things you can buy at the local shops. It was
not as nice as coffee.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/86208465508/hot-drinkable-catfood
* Who's Your Celebrity Birthday Double? - Tell
us when you were born and we'll work it out!
Now upgraded for slightly more pleasing
graphics. Yeah! Incremental!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/your-celebrity-birthday-double/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
>> NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES II <<
You told us (at considerable length) about your
brushes with death:
http://b3ta.com/questions/neardeathexperiences2/
: Pulse-pounding sample extract:
"The car turned. Yanked left out of the fast
lane in a blur of screeching metal and burned
rubber. In milliseconds the rear end had
flipped out to the right.
"And for one perfect moment. For one clear as
day, intoxicatingly frightening moment, I was
facing the wrong way down the M1. Oncoming
traffic seemingly inches away. I swear I caught
the eye of a gobsmacked HGV driver..."
(Albert Marshmallow)
>> This Week: Not having sex <<
The stench of a bag of bean sprouts popping
open is a real passion-killer, I can tell you
for nothing. Tell us about the shag you
didn't have because you blew it.
http://b3ta.com/questions/notgettingsex/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> UKIP Top Trumps <<
What with the EU elections being this week,
Ukip has been hard to avoid. Here's an
illustrated guide to their... colourful lineup
of council candidates.
http://b3ta.com/links/UKIP_Top_Trumps
>> Crufts for tarantulas <<
We were unaware that this was a thing - now our
only disappointment is that there aren't more
pictures of lovely long-legged spiders.
>> There is a cat hiding in this picture <<
But it's at the vet's so might take a while to spot it.
http://imgur.com/gallery/MCGwrkx
>> Beastie Boys turned in to old school comic <<
Nice little comicbook adaptation of Beastie
Boys video Sabotage - in memory of MCA.
http://dereklangille.blogspot.it/2012/06/for-adam.html
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> If David Lynch directed Return of the Jedi <<
Minor fact-bomb: David Lynch WAS originally
slated to direct the Star Wars sequel. Someone
has had fun packing three-and-a-half minutes of
Jedi with as many Lynch in-jokes as possible.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PALjbTo1D5U
>> Microscopic view of the carpet in The Shining <<
Beautifully sinister little bit of animation.
http://b3ta.com/links/1179911/
>> Ohio replaces lethal injection <<
The Onion's amusingly dark take on how capital
punishment could be made more human by
including enormous, decapitating robot
claw-arms.
http://b3ta.com/links/1181029/
>> Dad tries to catch ball <<
Very much doing the viral rounds this week -
bloke tries to catch a ball while carryiong his
child. The result is not to his credit.
http://b3ta.com/links/Top_notch_parenting
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Comedy History Challenge
Last week we asked you to dip in to the past
and show us the origins of humour!
Your favourites included:
* YE OLDE PRANKE: Galileo gets a classic eyeful
(Afinkawan)
http://b3ta.com/board/11078099
* 1066: Which is best, there's only one way to
find out (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11078653
* KAPOW!: Float like a butterfly, sting like a
cartoon character (Ya What?)
http://b3ta.com/board/11077974
All these images, and more favourites voted by
you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/comedyhistory/
>> New challenge: Verbular Celebrities <<
This week's challenge is to spot famous people
with verbs for names and photoshop them doing
what it sounds like they are doing.
Challenge suggested by Mictoboy with a nod to
giant_squid
http://b3ta.com/challenge/verb_celebs/
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WHAT HAPPENED NEXT:
* B3MUSED - B3ta Music Website is back (sort
of). Old-school b3tan zacherynuk writes, "It's
been off-line for about a year, but with some
horrendous hacks it's working again.
"However, some FUCKING HAIRLESS CUNT STOLE
B3MUSED.COM so a new name needs to be found -
Newsletter comp time?"
Check out the music (and maybe suggest a new
name):
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by tubaman,
Mudface, Fadgebadger, shardcore, Mildred,
fluffybunnykiller, Jimbuktu.
Image challenge by Happytoast.
Scaryduck is QOTW bloke.
Top tip by Mudface.
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TOP TIP:
If you need a sound effect of cellophane being
crumpled, just set fire to the recording studio.
Posted by: rob@b3ta.com
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