This Week: * BLOWN - Your biggest opportunities * PUFF DADDY - Fails at Twitter * SHERLOCK - is weird and incompetent ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving ___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web... __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| eventually" B3ta email 627 - 11 Apr 2014 Hit this newsletter where it hurts: http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue627 Bigs : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Smalls : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK >> More accurate Tour of British Accents << "I tweaked a few things [from the viral hit currently doing the rounds] to make it more concise," writes mysticmurray. "And better." >> Cowbrain Spacecomputer << "Here's a new music video I made for some crazy Swedes at Mutant Swing Records," exclaims smearballs. "It's a bit inspired by Cyriak's cows but more like its hastily executed, retarded cousin who doesn't get invited to the family functions." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cowbrain_Spacecomputer >> PS4 vs XBOX One << "Here's a video I made for Mashed and b3ta's own Superpowerless," explains Butters. "A mighty rap battle to decide the best console." http://www.b3ta.com/links/PS4_vs_XBOX_One ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M * GIFtris - Let's design your game of animated Tetris! http://games.usvsth3m.com/giftris/ * How Fast Is Your Brain? - Can you answer the comprehension questions correctly as you're forced to read faster & faster? http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-fast-is-your-brain/ * Amateur Hacker Simulator - How many nerdy easter eggs can you find? http://games.usvsth3m.com/amateur-hacker-simulator/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Biggest Blown Opportunities Last week we asked for the biggest thing you turned down through laziness, indifference or sheer idiocy: http://b3ta.com/questions/blownopportunities/ * NAILED IT - "In the early 90s I auditioned to review films alongside Johnny Vaughan on the telly. All I had to do was be filmed talking about the last movie I saw. The last film I'd seen was Evita starring Madonna, but I was so nervous my mind went completely blank. My opening line of my review was, 'It's got Jimmy Nail in it.' I then repeated, 'It's got Jimmy Nail in it' a further 8 times. Each time I delivered the line in slightly different ways. Finally I held up a board with 4 stars on it. The producers looked shocked and stunned. I left in silence and funnily enough didn't hear from them again." (Frankiepigeon) * KONG - "The friend who first taught me to photoshop had a long standing desire to emigrate to New Zealand with his family. He also wanted to do what he did best: mess around with pictures all day long. So when he was offered a job in New Zealand working for a new film company who were rumoured to be planning a remake of King Kong, I was quite surprised when he said to me that he'd only accept if they were definitely doing King Kong. When they couldn't disclose what film they'd be making next, he turned them down. He's regretted it ever since, as he's always been a big Lord of the Rings geek..." (dorje) * IF - "If I had any talent and had practiced all the time and if I was lucky enough to be 'spotted' at a young age and signed up to a top club and if I had any interest in football whatsoever and if my talent was nurtured in the right way and if I had a good agent with my best interests at heart who guided me through the best transfers I could have really been a contender. And there's a fairly good chance I could get these damn rape charges dropped." (Figmaus) >> This Week - Drunk Shopping << For most people this is pretty harmless - the odd duplicate CD, a dodgy morphsuit - but last time we asked this question, someone had bought their own gravestone: http://b3ta.com/questions/drunkshopping/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Puff Daddy Twitter fail << P Diddy tries to get his old Twitter handle back. Fake but still funny. >> World's worst school science project << Photoshopped photos of epically uninspiring school science projects. >> Untrusted game << You need to hack JavaScript to get out of the maze - a good one if your job involves debugging in any way. http://alexnisnevich.github.io/untrusted/ >> The selfie flowchart << Should you take a selfie? This infographic has the answers. >> Composers doing normal shit << Here's Rachmaninoff in a fucking hammock. Here's Debussy getting pissed. Who would have thought young musicians could act like this?? http://composersdoingnormalshit.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> Interviewer fail << Dutch reporter should think twice before interviewing people on a yacht. The result is inevitable. Also, it's a fake - but still enjoyable, no? http://b3ta.com/links/Interviewer_fail >> Pupils prank mobilephone-hating teacher << Good natured gag as students play an April Fools on the teacher who makes them take their calls on speaker, if it rings in his class. http://b3ta.com/links/1163315/ >> How to tell the time in Italy << Top tip for telling the time in the countryside. http://b3ta.com/links/How_To_Tell_The_Time_In_Italy >> Sherlock's not dead << He's --anal-- alive! Dead-on Sherlock parody with lovely autocomplete gags. http://b3ta.com/links/Hes_not_dead ------------------------------------------------- Blusher: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Foundation: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by colmcq2, notoolsovernight, sinisterduck, Turquoise Hexagon Sun, skeltonator, Queef In a Jar, Mex3, jams and buffet_the_appetite_slayer. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tip via SpanishFly. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Apple, why not make the next iPhone a landline, as it seems they're only useful when attached to a fucking wall.
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