This Week: * HUGE EYE - stares into your soul * SQUIRREL - hijacks plane * STEWART LEE - hates Twitter ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting a bed ___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | together, possibly. __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| Er... Sorry." B3ta email 621 - 28th Feb 2014 Read this issue sobbing and wanking: http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue621 Friends : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Twats : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- : SPONSORED LINK Jesus plasters - stupid Amazon review time * "It cured my leprosy right up." * "This could be the answer to the problem of the NHS." http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00BTGMS0Y/b3ta-21 >> Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK >> NYEherhRHRHRHRRRRRRRRRR << We have no idea what this is. But we liked it. Well done, DaveExclamationMark. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1141242/ >> Richard Branson, don't be a Dick << "Richard Branson is a member of the Ocean Elders conservation group while his company Virgin sells package trips to Sea World," informs surreal animator extraordinaire Smearballs. "Here's a video to point out the hypocrisy & hopefully help out some whales stuck in a tub." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dont_Be_a_Dick >> Trojan Horse - the first attempt << "Troy 1183 BC," intones Joel Veitch portentously. "Mighty Odysseus tries out his Trojan Horse plan for the first time." http://www.b3ta.com/links/1143671/ ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M The other 'b3taish' project * WHICH CITY - We ask a series of carefully-chosen question, then work out the ideal city for you to live in. http://games.usvsth3m.com/which-city/ * REALISTIC GCHQ SIMULATOR - those spies probably get bored watching internet bores all day. http://games.usvsth3m.com/realistic-gchq-simulator/ * THE EPIC MANLIESS TEST - test your testosterone, are you a man or a er.. not-man. http://games.usvsth3m.com/epic-manliness-test/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> The Hilariously Awkward Onion Slideshow... << The Onion launches one of its occasional jabs at Buzzfeed. Just keep clicking the right arrow. >> The war on Buzzfeed continues << A list of thing you MUST remember, to consider yourself a true child of the 90s. Did YOU own every "Voltidore" book? http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/Listobem/listbem.htm >> DLT, Ken Barlow and Kevin Webster celebrate good times << "Saw this animated Three advert thing and just couldn't resist," confesses Leemondus. Yep, this kind of online generator is ripe for inappropriate LOLs. http://www.singitkitty.co.uk/play/241Z5 >> Huge eye rendered in WebGL << This is terrifying. Like Skyping Sauron, with adjustable sliders. >> Your favourite celebrity is... problematic << Website lists all the dickheaded things that celebrities say, so you can judge them and maybe decide you don't want to marry Benedict Cumberbatch after all. http://yourfaveisproblematic.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> Benny Hill ravers << Looks old and yet, somehow, still the best thing we've seen all week. Does what it says on the tin, as we used to say back in the days when tins were a thing. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Benny_Hill_ravers >> Terrible working conditions at BBC News << You will go to Hell for laughing at this. And it will be out fault. Sorry. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Im_Ron_Burgandy >> This is how all reporters should sign off << By going down in an imaginary lift. http://www.b3ta.com/links/BBC_camera_lols >> Least convincing British accent ever << Adam & Joe discuss an American voice coach trying to teach actors how to do a "British accent". No human has ever said the word "coffee" like this. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1141049/ >> Stewart Lee's TV show is coming back << ...And he hates Twitter. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Limmy_new_show >> "Eye of the Tiger" on dot matrix printer << FYI this is the modern-day equivalent of a bloke in a smock playing the saw. And it's equally great. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1141013/ Bonus Benny Hill theme: >> Evolution << Lovely bit of stop-motion, with animals cleverly made by combining graffiti with bits of rubbish. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Evolution:7 >> Flying rat ambush << Adorable. http://www.b3ta.com/links/WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE:2 >> Squirrel steals plane << Can't be fake - there's an onboard camera fer gosh sakes! Action starts at 70 seconds. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Damn_squirrels ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Cakes in Technology Challenge Last week we wanted you to celebrate cakes. And tech. Together in perfect harmony. Your favourites included: * BAKEWELL: Mr Kipling's almond fondant classic undergoes transformation (84237) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11059337 * DISH: plate trio searches the skies for alien lifesigns (moon monkey) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11058982 * COLOUR: hilarious cake/geek crossover fruit dough expansion (Ninj) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11058742 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/technology-cakes/ >> New challenge: NSFW-SFW << This week's challenge is to take something that's not suited for office viewing and turn it into something absolutely safe for your coworkers to glimpse at (suggested by Rafi). http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/nsfw-sfw/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * A PET that you can keep in a small, first-floor flat, but that has more personality than a fish. * 8 CARPARKS THAT LOOK LIKE OPRAH WINFREY - we pitched this idea as a joke, then found it impossible. * A NEW KIND OF HAM. We've had the cooked kind and we've had the cured kind. What more, from the world of ham? Send contributions via the mail form. BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- TINA: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com SARAH: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Whizzer, admiral crunch, Fadgebadger, Fluffster, Leemondus, Queef In a Jar, HoratioFellatio, RompaStompa, Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, artifus, Wankle-Rotary-Engine Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Save money on expensive toilet cleaner by drinking more water. (MrOli)
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