This Week:
* CURLING - Improved with cats
* RAP - Newsmen do Rapper's Delight
* GAME - Maverick Bird
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Gherkins? We
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | don't need no
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| stinking gherkins"
B3ta email 620 - 21 Feb 2014
Jack into this issue's data in Cyberspace:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue620
Love us : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Leave us : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------------
: SPONSORED LINK
Inflatable Unicorn Horn For Cats
Sample review: "This bad boy is a total
gamechanger. I stuck one of these on my moggy
and I could have sworn I was looking at a
Unicorn. He fooled everyone we met last
Halloween whilst out knocking on doors
together."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00BPMMQDG/b3ta-21
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Bad Dates, Goats and Grandpa
>> Bad Date Diary <<
"I'm Hannah," writes Hannah. "I write and
doodle about the terrible, awkward dates I've
been on. Here's the story of a man who sent me
a list of reasons not to date me:"
http://thewinninglines.com/big-ambitions/
>> Goats on Wobbly Metal - Translated <<
Slurpy J return with another redub of this
week's most popular memery fun.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Goats_on_Wobbly_Metal_Translated
>> "How I almost killed Grandpa with the internet" <<
Poor old grandpa. Also, happy birthday @.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1137860/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Your fantasies made real
Last week we asked if you'd ever lived out your
fantasies. There's lots of "roses are red" poems
because people got bored:
http://b3ta.com/questions/fantasies/
* ROCK - "One day when I was about 6 or 7 in
the school playground I decided I wanted to
slide on my knees to a standstill like a rock
star sliding to the front of the stage,
imagining all the fans screaming my name as I
threw my arms up in triumph. Sadly, due to a
combination of soft grey cotton trousers and a
hard concrete surface, this resulted in giant
rips across my knees and bloodied kneecaps. The
stupid thing is, there wasn't anyone around to
see me - I'd waited 'til I was alone to try it.
Not only does this show a shyness not becoming
of the rock star lifestyle, but I also had to
explain to friends, teachers and family how
this normally quiet boy got two large rips on
his trousers and wounds on his knees. Still,
there's nothing quite like picking away at
scabby kneecaps."
(The Silent Channel)
* COCK - "I acted mine out in miniature by
tying a ping pong ball to my bell end with a
length of cotton and dressing both hands up in
doll's clothes, then with the aid of two tiny
tennis rackets attempted a game of Erection
Swingball."
(84237)
* SPANG - "I've always dreamt of having a cock
as long as a 2-litre bottle of fizzy orange,
and just as wide... Fanta sized, actually."
(localboy)
>> This Week - BLACK SHEEP PT2 <<
We need more stories of your family black sheep:
http://b3ta.com/questions/blacksheep2/
-------------------------------------------------
: USVSTH3M
* 14 things to say to someone from Wolverhampton
to make them spit out their hot pork sandwich in
irritation
http://usvsth3m.com/post/77072924900/
* How Middle-Class Are You? Our 100%
scientifically accurate test will find out how
middle-class you are, and then tell you which
British sitcom character you're like.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-middle-class-are-you/
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Shit Prequels Challenge
Last week we wanted you to invent rubbish
prequels to classic movies.
Your favourites included:
* PYTHON: serpents bicker over priority
boarding queue (The Twisted Omentum)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11058032
* KENT: the true story behind Superman's
malodorous arrival on Earth (ferret)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11057229
* POLICE: dunno about you, but I'd buy
that for, ooh, 50 cents (Afinkawan)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11057046
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/shit-prequels/
>> New challenge: Technology & Cakes <<
This week's challenge is to picture and
celebrate cakes in technology. That's
cakes. And technology. Together forever
(suggested by mictoboy)
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/technology-cakes/
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Hotmalm Porn Marketing <<
It's... an IKEA ad? It's safe for work, but
what a weird thing. *What* a thing!
-------------------------------------------------
: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> Curling. With cats. <<
The Olympic sport of curling - already so
awesome our entire office watched it this
afternoon on a big screen - vastly improved
with added cats.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Curling_With_cats
>> NBC main newscaster does "Rapper's Delight" <<
Lovely bit of editing from the Jimmy Fallon
Tonight Show team. Genuinely delightful. You
should watch it twice.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1140431/
>> Stubborn kitten attack <<
Glowing eyed cat-baby, good-natured human and
old timey cartoon music that fits the action to
a tee.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Stubborn_hunter_kitten
>> What keeps a train on its tracks? <<
Richard Feynman explains why you are probably
wrong. Fascinating stuff!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1139383/
-------------------------------------------------
: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Severine Nackers
"I know you hate funny name corner," blurts
spassky. "We all hate funny name corner.
But..." Yes, yes. That's how funny name corner
gets you. There's always one excuse.
-------------------------------------------------
: FRIDAY GAME
>> Maverick Bird <<
Flappy Bird as recreated by the developer of
Super Hexagon. Every single bit as maddeningly
hard as the original, but with slightly
different controls.
http://terrycavanaghgames.com/maverickbird/
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include:
* MAKE A VIDEO FOR THIS: "My friend phenola
made a cool thing," writes tetley. "Auto-tune
is pretty old-hat these days, but this is very
cynical and catchy as hell."
https://soundcloud.com/phenola/ive-got-auto-tune
* NEW SHOES that don't fill us with anxiety and
loathing for the very concept of footwear.
* A LUNCH-TIME FOOD MARKET that isn't just an
hour of queuing and then regret-filled stuffing
your face with a greasy burger while sprinting
back to the office.
Send contributions via the mail form.
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
Airbender: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Fire Nation: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Varmint,
tubaman, rotten eggs, colmcq2,
DestructoLettuce, FoxA.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Top Tip via Munsta.
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Modern toilets use between 5 and 9 litres per
flush. By pissing in the sink, we could
collectively save in excess of 300,000,000
litres of water a day in the UK alone!
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