Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: VOL 1089 - Feb 26, 2012 - If Men Ruled the World

VOL 1088 - Feb 22, 2012 - Strange But Strategic Letters Of Recommendation Phrases

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Strange Groucho Marx Quotes

Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (October 2, 1890 - August 19, 1977), was an American comedian and film star, famed as a master of wit. He made 15 feature films with his siblings, the Marx Brothers, and also had a successful solo career, most notably as the host of the radio and television game show You Bet Your Life.

1. Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

2. A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

3. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

4. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

5. Go, and never darken my towels again.

6. I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

7. Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

8. I intend to live forever, or die trying.

9. I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

10. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

11. I remember the first time I had $_ex - I kept the receipt.

12. If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

13. In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

14. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

15. My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - If Men Ruled the World - Top 26 List

IF MEN RULED THE WORLD: TOP 26 LIST

1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

12. Garbage would take itself out.

13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

19. "COPS" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

20. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like whiskey and beer.

22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).

23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.

24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.

25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered toilet seats.

26. 2011 Cloning Act: "Only Jessica Alba may be cloned."

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Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike

Sonntag, 26. Februar 2012

VOL 1089 - Feb 26, 2012 - If Men Ruled the World - Top 26 List

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