Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike: Vol 1022 - July 06, 2011 - Strange Facts From Fly-over Country for East & West Coast Elite Snobs

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Vol 1022 - July 06, 2011 - Strange Facts From Fly-over Country for East & West Coast Elite Snobs

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Strange Goofy Quotes:

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

In China, when you're one in a million, there are 1,300 other people just like you. - Bill Gates

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you're finished. - Leslie Nielsen

Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence. - Eddie Cantor

Gray hair is God's graffiti. - Bill Cosby

We must take change by the hand or rest assuredly, change will take us by the throat. - Winston Churchill

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. - Lily Tomlin

You can always count on the United States to do the right thing, once it has exhausted the alternatives. - Winston Churchill

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you have ever tried. - Ricky Gervais

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. - Peter Drucker

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Facts From Fly-over Country for East & West Coast Elite Snobs

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross into states such as Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska, the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the states.

1. That slope-shouldered farm body did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we shot Bambi, we got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us when a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for - "bait".

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an Idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use four weeks a year.

12. Let's get it straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too - and turtle. Your really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 69 goes two ways. State Road 24 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

19. That Officer, be it Conservation Officer, sheriff deputy, city police, or highway patrol that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir".

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Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike

Mittwoch, 6. Juli 2011

Vol 1022 - July 06, 2011 - Strange Facts From Fly-over Country for East & West Coast Elite Snobs

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