This Week:
* SONG - Jonti's controversial views on Gypsies
* RETRO COMPUTING - Crap celebs in pixels
* ANIMATION - Clever lollipop stick thingie
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B3ta email 337 - 18 July 2008
Read this issue in your browser:
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: SPONSORED LINK
Frijj Milkshakes
In a terrifying remake of the Blob a sinister
little wreaks devastation upon the picaresque
burg of Four Ridges by pouring yummy gooey
Frijj brand milkshake over it. This is the
scariest viral you will ever see, so we
recommend you wear nappies.
http://tinyurl.
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
Cowboys, Gypos and Shakin' Stevens
>> Sticky Cowboys <<
We really liked this demented piece of lolly
stick-based animation by The Brothers McLeod.
We're imagining the boys stuffing themselves
with 75 Magnums each in order to do this,
although the reality is they probably bought a
job lot of sticks off eBay. It's genuinely
creative and it piles on the gags.
http://www.youtube.
>> Electro Gypsy <<
We're obsessed with gypsies in B3ta HQ - the
fuhrer has been threatening to sell the B3ta
wife to those Romany types for years. So we
loved this latest piece of madness from Jonti
Picking, though we feel the video would be even
better if it had shown the leccy gypos eating a
hedgehog.
http://www.weebls-
>> 48k celebrity awards <<
B3ta wishes to apologise for this - your Ginger
Fuhrer instead of running the site properly
spent the afternoon looking up old computer
games and seeing how many pixely drawings of
crap celebs he could find. This is probably of
no interest to you unless you are from the UK
and in your 30s.
http://www.b3ta.
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Faking it
Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
and lies into one handy place on the interweb.
Last week it was faking it, your guide to times
when bullshit was the only option.
http://www.b3ta.
* CHEESE LOLS - "A few years ago I worked for
about 10 months in a sales office in
Coventry... All the time I was there I told
everyone that I didn't like cheese. Then one
day while the manager (who, it has to be said,
was a horrible woman) was out and I was really
hungry I stole her cheese from the fridge and
ate it. When she came back she understandably
was pissed off that someone had stolen her
cheese and gave everyone a hard time about
it... except for me, because she knew I didn't
like cheese." (Professor Kenny Martin)
* FAKING CHILDHOOD BLINDNESS TO SKIVE SCHOOL (
Tourette's) - we're linking these two stories
as they're very long. Good tho. Worth a click
of anyone's mouse.
http://www.b3ta.
* BOUGHT A ROBOT OFF THE INTERNET AND PRETENDED
THE SCHOOL HAD BUILT IT (PhillieJoe)
http://www.b3ta.
>> This week: Best films ever <<
A few weeks back we asked about books, and it
gave us a great selection of ideas for stuff to
read, so we thought we'd try something similar
with films. (Not that we'd rapidshare them and
watch them on the laptop in bed - no sir.)
http://www.b3ta.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Deaf nicknames <<
If you're around deaf people a fair amount, you
will get a sign language nickname - it's a
necessity to avoid spelling your name out every
time you're mentioned. Thing is, you don't get
to choose your own...
http://www.bbc.
>> Electronic dance music invented in 60s? <<
Delia Derbyshire - the woman behind the Doctor
Who theme recently died and left behind 100s of
tapes in her loft. Fascinating stuff -
including a track recorded in the 60s that
sounds identical to the noise that came from
student bedrooms in the 90s - Aphex Twin,
Autechre and all those bods.
http://news.
>> Pretty Flickr colour picker <<
Pleasing results from this clever page that
brings up Flickr images containing colours you
choose from a palette.
http://labs.
>> Favicon Defenders <<
Yes, the favicon: that tiny little picture you
get to the left of the address bar in your
browser. Through some sort of mind-warping
hyper nerdery, a fully-functional version of the
arcade classic playable in your browser.
Playable, that is, if you squint.
http://snipurl.
>> Wolfenflickr <<
Recreation of venerable shooter Castle
Wolfenstein but with your own photos adorning
the walls. And what seems like a lamentable
lack of nazis. Stick 'robmanuel' in if you like.
http://www.nihilogi
>> Pencil review site <<
For the nerds its like "Yay! Pencils!" for
everyone else "Yay! Laugh at nerds!" Thus
another webby win for all.
http://www.pencilta
>> Utility kilts <<
If you are a builder and you don't like wearing
trousers then this could be right up your
alley. Nobody at all will make fun of you.
Although you should be careful going up
ladders, maybe.
http://www.utilikil
>> Radiohead viewer <<
Their House of Cards vid is all over YouTube but
this is better - lets you spin round Thom
Yorke's funny little face, using the laser data
from the visuals. The video, by the way, is
very reminiscent of Kraftwerk's Musique
Non Stop. Mashup anyone?
http://code.
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
A-Z of baby animals
An entire alphabet's-worth of cuddly cuteness.
Although it's worth noting that a few of the As
aren't all that appealing.
http://dalesdesigns
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Ceefax was better
>> Gorbie vs. zombie <<
Heartfelt heavy metal tribute to the man who
led the USSR to the consumerist promised land.
And kicked undead arse.
http://www.vimeo.
>> Is Cake farts the new 2 girls 1 cup? <<
First there was Goatse, then there was Tubgirl,
then the broadband age brought us 2 girls 1
cup. And in the words of moogthedog, "It's
officially the end of the Internet. They should
put up a sign. Don't bother looking for
anything else... Nothing else compares to
this..." VERY VERY VERY NSFW.
http://www.cakefart
>> World's longest eyebrow <<
Repellant coverage of a bloke's bid for the
world record longest eyebrows. Close-ups of
long, stringy body hair abound. Brilliantly
pompous music throughout.
http://www.youtube.
>> Little girl cheats claw game <<
Alarmingly, she does this by clambering up
inside the machinery and picking her own prize.
People are shocked, but how do you think those
things get stocked in the first place? You
can't trust a monkey not to shit down the chute.
http://www.break.
>> Failed building demolition <<
Structure proves distressingly sturdy for a
crowd gathered to watch it get blown up. Begs
the question: who has the unenviable job of
going up there and knocking it down properly?
http://www.b3ta.
>> Singing the puppies to sleep <<
Baby dogs prove highly susceptible to the
soothing power of song. But you must never
stop, else they wake up and cry for more.
http://www.b3ta.
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Rimming, rape, fatties and cock
* Rim.jobs - Perverse URL forwarding from
the careers department at Research In Motion.
http://rim.jobs
* Burntherapist.
http://www.burnther
* TOAST for fatties - "TOAST provides support
for people whose lives are affected by
obesity." If you're thinking of bingeing reach
out for TOAST.
http://www.callhelp
* Scotland is a crudely-drawn, spunking cock -
at least, according to the first known map of
Great Britain.
http://www.foxearth
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
MJ Hibbett, Veitch and cooking cakes in cups
>> B3ta Rock God MJ - Edinburgh show <<
Our chum MJ Hibbett this week invited us to his
new show he's taking to the Edinburgh
Festival - featuring all the amusing little
anecdotes he's prone to retelling if you go to
the pub with him. Frankly it's awesome and it
was the best night's entertainment we've quite
literally ever had. Anyway, to get you in the
mood, here's his new single which is also
featured in the show. BTW: Best story? Our
money is on the Zodiac Mindwarp one.
http://www.b3ta.
>> Meaty moon <<
Joel's latest effort revolves around the idea
that the moon is made of meat - in this case
some rather frightening-
made from goose feet. Don't let this put you
off - the song and animation are great. Vintage
Veitch (we can smell it from here).
http://rathergood.
>> Cup cake cooking <<
A link has been doing the rounds this week
about cooking cake by plonking flour, sugar,
eggs, milk, oil and chocolate power in a cup,
microwaving then shoving fistfuls into your gob
like a greedy child. Our very own Dyer has a
go, and er, fails.
http://www.b3ta.
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Redraw cartoons challenge results
Fraser - who normally runs our challenges is in
Iran this week - we told him not to go as the
news reports are, frankly, terrifying, but off
he's toddled. Anyway, on with the show and our
favourite entries included:
* Roobarb and Custard with Parkinson's Disease.
(Happy Toast)
http://www.b3ta.
* Spongebob sanitary towel. Or should that be
Spongeblob? Great marketing opportunity here.
(Joe Scaramanga)
http://www.b3ta.
* Homer and Marge as The Moors Murderers.
(Holly Would)
http://www.b3ta.
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.
>> Low Budget Film Remakes <<
This week we want you to re-imagine Hollywood
without the cash.
http://www.b3ta.
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: FRIDAY GAME
Splashback
Add fluid to the ominous, green droplets,
hopefully bursting them and clearing the screen
with ricocheting goo. BTW: Got to wonder about
the name splashback - surely that's slang for
when you piss in an urinal and it splashes your
leg. Yum.
http://www.funny-
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* REVERSE MUSIC - make a quiz testing whether
people can identify a tune played backwards.
* I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU'LL SHOW ME YOURS -
remember that questionswap site? What about
doing it with cocks and minges? Er..
* HERDING KITTENS - the computer game.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by DeliriumSpong,
MrA, Superkitty, glyn, catbrain, anthony sennett,
juicygi, londoner. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
bloke. Subjlol via sepang. Click here for the
ugliest person on Facebook:
http://www.facebook
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TOP TIP:
Ants coming into your house? Watch them to see
where they path (ants will ALWAYS use the same
route unless it is obstructed), then simply draw
a line of chalk across said path. The ants will
walk up to the line and then turn back. Can
someone test this? It could make an awesome
short video. (oucheh)
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SICKIPEDIA:
I went into Clinton cards today. I said to the
woman behind the counter, "Do you sell
bereavement cards?" She said, "Yes, sir." So I
said, "Could I exchange one for this get well
soon card I bought yesterday?
http://www.sickiped
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