Vol 668 - Feb 13, 2008 - Top 10 Valentine's DON'Ts

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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==================================

Strange Quotes About "Fools"

"Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything." - Frank Dane

"A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave." - William Drummond

"The only difference between a wise man and a fool is that the wise man knows he's playing." - Fritz Peris

"Without fools the rest of us could not succeed." - Mark Twain

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." - Frank Lloyd Wright

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Top 10 Valentine's DON'Ts

Submitted by J, L, CR & TJ MORRISON

By Christian Finnegan

No. 1 DON'T tell your girlfriend that this has been "one of the best" Valentine's you've ever had. She won't see that as a compliment.

No. 2 DON'T celebrate your special night by ordering tequila shots – Valentine's is already poignant enough without inviting Jose Cuervo to the party! Angry shouting and upchucking that expensive dinner you paid for do not a romantic evening make.

No. 3 DON'T try to "avoid the rush." There's no such thing as a romantic 4:00 PM dinner (unless you're over 65).

No. 4 DON'T try to slip how much you spent on her gift into the conversation. She already know the going rate for cubic zirconia, dude.

No. 5 DON'T Forget to compliment your wife or girlfriend on her Valentine's ensemble. Compliment her dress, her hair, her shoes, her nails, her makeup, her jewelry, her fingers, her toes, her kneecaps, her kidneys, etc. Just keep complimenting

No. 6 DON'T willingly engage in any conversation during which your wife/girlfriend addresses you by your real name. If she calls you "Honey," or "Sweetheart," or even "Papi," you're good to go. But any conversation that starts with "Michael, I need to ask you a question…" is a potential minefield.

No. 7 DON'T take your Valentine to an NC-17 movie, even if it's foreign and/or artsy. On a night like this, the only naked body you should be admiring is hers.

No. 8 DON'T be your usual, too-cool-to-wear-nice-clothes self. No need to buy a new suit, but come on man – maybe tonight isn't the night for your "ironic" Dukes of Hazard t-shirt.

No. 9 DON'T order tequila shots. Do you hear me? I'm not kidding about this!

No. 10 DON'T play mood music that's sexier than you are. If you're not 100% certain you can provide genuine "sexual healing," leave Marvin Gaye up on the shelf. Every man's got to know his limitations.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE CIRCUS ACTS - FREAK SHOWS - ARMLESS MAN PLAYS TRUMPET WITH FEET - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134606.html

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SNOW SKING PROBLEM - SKI'S GO FLYING! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134769.html

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STRANGE PLAYGROUND SLIDE - ELEPHANT ESCAPE HATCH! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134965.html

SILVERY DROOPY NOSE OF SST CONCORDE - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134977.html

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THE 3 LITTLE BEARS BEGGING IN THE STATE PARK! - 1958 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134983.html

HUNTER SHOTS HUGE COUGAR THAT WAS HUNTING HIM! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134995.html

HOW MUCH DOES A DOUBLEWIDE WEIGH? TOO MUCH FOR THIS RURAL BRIDGE! - 1 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/135026.html

TANK ON A TOLL ROAD? - THEY MUST PAY ALSO! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/135027.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - AL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/27_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Biker Saves Little Girl From Lion at the Zoo - Get's Reward! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134993.html

The Smart Rooster, Farmer and Politician - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/135020.html

Strange Valentine Record Breakers - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/113786.html

Valentine's Day Trivia - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/105551.html

The Rejected Valentine - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/25403.html

Valentine's Day Trivia - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25401.html

Valentines Day Jokes - Quickies - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/23963.html

Redneck Valentines Day Poem - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/22905.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - AL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/115_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

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The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

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Vol 667 - Feb 10, 2008 - 12 Valid Reasons Not To Come In To Work

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Celeb Quotes About Their Love Life

I've had diseases that lasted longer than my marriages.- Nell Carter

I tried phone s-e-x - it gave me an ear infection.- Richard Lewis

If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no s-e-x life at all.- Rodney Dangerfield

It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.- Joan Rivers

I've never yet met a man who could look after me. I don't need a husband. What I need is a wife. - Joan Collins

If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children" -- they leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - 12 Valid Reasons Not To Come In To Work

1. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

4. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet....

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Tom Thumb.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

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==================================

STRANGE JAPANESE - ASIAN TRUCKS - WILD FRONT END - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134331.html

STRANGE CIRCUS ACTS - FREAK SHOWS - 3 LEGGED MAN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134605.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - GRID WITH DOTS - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134750.html

NEW PC MADNESS FROM OUR GOVERNMENT - DON'T ACCEPT THE NEW DOLLAR COIN! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134771.html

STRANGE 'COCAINE' SUBMARINE CAPTURED - 3.5 TONS FOUND! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134845.html

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C-130 PILOT vs. F-16 JET JOCKEY - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134857.html

WWII - WOMEN B-17 BOMBER PILOTS - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/134869.html

STRANGE 'CHEEK' PIERCING - DOESN'T THAT LOOK GREAT! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134870.html

TOILET SEAT SURPRISE - PYTHON! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134872.html

STRANGE OLDE CHINESE RICKSHAW & LITTER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134891.html

HEART SHAPED STRAWBERRIES - JUST IN TIME FOR VALENTINES DAY - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134894.html

STRANGE PUBLIC BATHROOM IN THAILAND - PRIVATE? - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134899.html

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TREE CRUSHES TRUCKS - SOMETIMES HAVING A SMALL CAR IS GOOD! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/134939.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - POLICE CARS - EMERGENCY VEHICLES - FIRE TRUCKS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100000_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Movies: Top 10 Westerns - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134683.html

Strange New Wine for Seniors - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134952.html

RetroSexual Code - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134954.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - POLICE CARS - EMERGENCY VEHICLES - FIRE TRUCKS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "In a moment of madness I took sexual advantage of this newsletter..."

"...but I didn't kill it"
* OMG - Coggy lols
* PICS - Rainbow puke
* CHALLENGE - Animal instruments whimsy

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Tearing your fragile
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | inbox open with our
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| enormous link-cock."

B3ta email 314 - 08 Feb 2008 - Est 2001 (blimey)

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue314/

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
Weebl goes to Hollywood part III

In the grand finale of Weebl's chocolate movie
adventures, our egg-bound hero grapples with
aliens. Don't leave your seat before the
credits else you'll miss the best gag. Wonder
if this will end up on the front page of Digg
like the last one?
http://tinyurl.com/2bslsh

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
We love you mister ad man - talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Punchlines, poos and some bloke called Tom

>> Punchline Piracy <<
Goodiebag Kirby continues his Jane Austen-like
skewering of social convention, tackling
head-on the awkward problem of 'punchline
piracy'. Experienced raconteurs will
immediately recognise what he's talking about.
http://www.goodiebag.tv/episodes/09_punchline_piracy.htm

>> Crap Animation <<
Disgustingly poo-themed animation from b3ta
king of dismay Butters. Smooth jazz soundtrack,
distressing imagery. Just to clarify btw, it's
drawings of poo, not actual animated poo - not
saying that we don't get sent that, of course.
http://b3ta.com/links/A_Crap_Animation

>> Tom's Tales of Brilliance <<
Animated glob of comedic fun that's eclectic
even by our standards. Slightly overlong intro,
sit tight though, as Scrambled Edd heats up the
action. Inventive.
http://b3ta.com/links/Toms_Tales_of_Brilliance

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Stalked

Last week we wanted to know if you'd been
stalked or done some stalking yourself:
http://b3ta.com/questions/stalked/

Serious subjects seem to bring out the
long-but- worth-reading answers that are ruined
by squeezing them into a tight-fitting
newsletter. So here's three shorter, funny ones
for you:

* WELL, THEY SEEMED ALRIGHT - "We met a couple
on holiday - he was a bit of a "fiveskin" but
she seemed really pleasant. Good company. Until
they started "joining" us in restaurants and
bars, whether we liked it or not. Turned up
everywhere we went, ate the same food, and
drank the same beer. They'd keep us sunbeds,
right beside them. "Where are we going
tonight?", they wanted to know. We haven't
decided yet. We'll wait in reception for you,
then. Oh dear. We hung about in our room for
hours, hoping they'd get fed up and go out by
themselves. No such luck. After four hours,
there they were, all gussied up for the night
out. For the next ten days, everywhere we went,
they were right behind us. We tried saying we
fancied a quiet, romantic meal. For two. They
still waited for us. Our tolerance lasted until
the final night. Sitting at the table, nice
meal inside us, a few beers have gone down.
Then fiveskin asks his question. "Fancy coming
back to our room for a foursome, then?" I
choked on my beer, and couldn't say a word. Mr
Witch had no such problem and suggested that
they fuck right off. There and then. Before he
got angry. We never saw them again. You may be
wondering why we kept wanting to be alone and
reacted with horror at the suggestion of a
foursome. Aside from the fact that we don't
share... This was our honeymoon!" (TheWeeWitch)

* THE PIED PIPER OF STOCKPORT- "Tonight, I
picked up my little girl from her school disco.
The DJ had decided to finish with the conga: A
big snake-line formed across the dance floor as
all the little darlings follow the kiddie in
front of them with the DJ leading them all. The
DJ in his infinite wisdom decides to venture
off the dance floor and weave his way all
around the chairs, with ankle-biters still hot
in pursuit. Until... one little lad halfway
down the line sees his Mum standing there with
his coat, all ready to leave. He does what any
4 year old does and runs over to his Mum, puts
his coat on and follows her out of the door.
What she didn't realise is that all the kids
behind would keep on following. Cue absolute
chaos as all the children leg it outside
following the fabled Pied Piper of Stockport."
(brocky)

* I'M BEING STALKED BY A DOG - "A proper one
with four legs and fur. I found her living
rough and starving. I gave her some dog food,
so she followed me home. I never let her in the
house, but she refused to leave, just sitting
in the garden staring at me through the glass
door for days. It rained and she just sat there
in the pouring rain, looking even more
miserable. I'm a sucker for animals so had to
let her in. She was overjoyed. The intention
was to feed her up a bit and find a new home
for her. Four months later, she isn't
officially "my dog", but I am definitely her
master whether I want to be or not. She refuses
to let me out of her sight, being in the same
house isn't enough, it has to be the same room.
Even going for a crap means having to leave the
door open. If I close it, she'll lean against
it and make it rattle with her nervous
shivering. I'm currently away on business:
she's at my sisters house, and is spending all
day lying on her blanket in a deep miserable
sulk. Guess I'm stuck with her now. (dave
likes cheese)
http://snipurl.com/woofywoofter

>> This Week's Question <<
Ever compiled a collection of songs to express
your feelings for someone? What happened when
they got it? Did someone send you a bunch of
crap music to make them seem more interesting?
Tell us all about it here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/mixtapes/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> The evolution of tech company logos <<
Interesting article showing some rather
bizarrely clunky-looking corporate identity
from companies we now associate with slickness.
We particularly liked Canon's awesome original
logo with a 1,000-armed bodhisattva surrounded
by flames.
http://snipurl.com/bass-howlogocanugogo

>> Mentalist business manual <<
A lot of these books purport to have distilled
the secret of achieving success. In a sense,
this is no exception, being some 400 pages of
"Work hard, keep going, focus" and variations
thereof, in a fashion somewhat reminiscent of
The Shining. Brr.
http://snipurl.com/keepclickingnextpage


>> World map of Prince Philip gaffes <<
Wonderful use of the Google Maps API to provide
an interactive atlas of locations that the
outspoken royal has stuck his foot in it. We
must say, we have a soft spot for old Greeky
and his penchant for enlivening dull social
functions by insulting anybody nearby.
http://snipurl.com/hes-the-gaffer

>> Rainbow puke <<
Lots and lots of multicoloured art, inspired by
the beautiful and poetical combination of
rainbows and vomit.
http://www.rainbowpuke.com/

>> Coggy lols <<
This clockwork-motif poster for Manchester
Metroshuttle warrants a second look. Just what
are they trying to say about the service? Is
this some sort of subversive marketing satire?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/156427

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Although we prefer betamax...

>> Domino trick shot <<
Initially, this doesn't look all that
impressive - if you were allowed dominoes on a
pool table we could be world champions by now -
but the trick just keeps on going, long after
you were expecting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XTGBOKqccw

>> Fuck Planet Earth <<
Trailer for the lavish David Attenborough
nature-fest redubbed with the F-word. Sort of
reminded us of Four Weddings and a Funeral,
although we're fucked if we know why. Anyway,
the photography's great!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Fuck_Planet_Earth

>> 1,000-car computer game <<
Surprisingly pretty race-game footage,
superimposing images of 1,000 vehicles going
round the track. They look a bit like water and
it's quite restful.
http://b3ta.com/links/1000_cars_racing_at_the_same_time

>> Facial flex <<
Poor infomercial shills; the crap they have to
put up with. This 'face gymnasium' takes the
cake, with presenters having to fizz effusively
while having their cheeks stretched in a
peculiar manner. Good job they appear to have
no sense of shame or embarrassment.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Facial_flex

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Now featuring... 'I spotted a rudey'

Jonnyfatman informs, "I was watching '1983:the
brink of apocalypse' on More4 tonight and about
70 minutes in it showed a soviet spy keying a
'secret code' into his calculator. That code
was... 55378008." Which, as all schoolboys
know, is one of the best phrases to type in to
a calculator, and here's the clippy on youtube
if you're calling chinny reckon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfqe-TaVLoY

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Pylons Challenge

Last week we wanted you to play around with
pylons.

Your favourites included:

* AT-AT ACCIDENT - possibly the most voted-for
challenge entry in the history of the galaxy
(tribs)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8017428

* SOUP - a new twist on an old joke (The
Neville)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8014820

* SKIPPY - look a the little pylon, see him
bounce (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8014540

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/pylons/

>> New challenge: Animal Instruments <<
We love animals, and we love music. Can you
imagine what a wonderful world it would be if
one was used to produce the other? Show us the
tuna trombone and the otter organ.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/animalinstruments/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* INSIDE-OUT TOYS, God_of_the_Mind blithers, 'A
couple of issues ago you posted an article
called "Mutant toys", with the inside-out teddy
bears. Well I had a crack at it myself and took
before and after pictures. Have a gander. The
question begs, "Have I just ruined a perfectly
good teddy bear?'
http://www.robmanuel.com/2008/02/08/inside-out-toys/

* FRUITY CUM - Senseless spluffs, "Was rifling
through Friday's newsletter and 'came across'
the 'fruity cum' response to the pineapple
fingerprint fiasco. Funnily enough, me and the
missus recently did an experiment into the
effect of various fruit on the taste of jizz,
with frankly marvellous results. Mangoes: Give
your man-milk a palatable tang. Oranges: No
real change in my fruition, but they were
tasty. Pineapples: Apparently, they lessened
the taste! Not fruitier, just less salty."

* GLOW STICK MAN - as per last weeks request,
Monty Boyce dribbles, "My prim and proper
middle class mother delightedly showed me a
Cerne Abbas Giant costume she'd made for a chap
she works with - complete with flashing
glow-in-the-dark cock."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svDfVyQBRac

* ANOTHER SHITTY CONSOLE REVIEW - DR_A is back,
and this time he's reviewing a Chintendo Vii -
yep, you heard right.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Chintendo_Vii_Review

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Spinning spike maze

Simple but infuriatingly tough, in the way we
like these things here: rotate the maze to
guide a little ball to the exit. We liked the
soundtrack too - full of the pathos inherent in
being a tiny, spinning ball trapped in a black
iron maze of doom. The first proper level after
the tutorials end made us laugh with its crazy
harditude.
http://onemorelevel.com/game/spin_the_black_circle

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* SLOW MOTION FILMS - we've just bought a
Viewty phone. To be honest, as a phone it's too
delicate for day to day use but it does have a
120FPS film thingie on it. Surely there MUST be
something interesting that B3tards can do with
this? We would show you the video of newsletter
co-writer Dave leaping about like a spaceman,
but he's vetoed it, so here's a linky to Amazon
to buy one instead.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000WFI8DE/b3ta-21

* UNREAD POST - just looking around the house
for random inspiration for this section and we
notice a pile of letters that's building up -
mostly to people who lived here years ago. What
about starting a blog collecting peoples unread
post? There's bound to be the odd gem, poignant
letters from ignored family members, invites to
long forgotten weddings etc. Could be the
postsecret of 2008...

* THE WORLD'S BIGGEST CUP OF TEA - ask the
local council if you can fill your swimming
bath with tea bags? Gah, we're really scrapping
the barrel now. Ok - *goes for walk about the
house* - what about seeing how much money you
can get Adsense to pay out by making a flash
game called Kitten Roulette? Apparently
gambling sites pay very nicely for clickthrus.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob "I've got a hat"
Manuel with David "I have't" Stevenson. Stuff
sent in by Mike Monaco, planearm, Additional
linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjectlinelols via
Thor_sonofodin, and mastheadrofls via my other
username is a porsche.

-------------------------------------------------

NOT TIP:
"You know the funny smoked bacon and/or fishy
smell that comes from dusty lights, radiators
and stuff that's not been turned on in a while?
Dust is mostly dead skin, so the smell is that
of fresh-cooked human." (TechImp)

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.
Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 666 - Feb 06, 2008 - The Bible, as Written by Students

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends!

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange'Beauty' Quotes:

Beauty is but skin deep, ugly lies the bone;
Beauty dies and fades away, but ugly holds its own.
- Anonymous

"Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people." - Richard Armour

"There are no ugly women; there are only women who do not know how to look pretty." - Antoine P. Berryer

"Looks are so deceptive that people should be done up like food packages with the ingredients clearly labeled." - Helen Hudson

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" - Jean Kerr "The Snake Has All the Lines"

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr

"The reason the all-American boy prefers beauty over brains is that the all-American boy can see better than he can think." - Farrah Fawcett Majors

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Bible, as Written by Students

Top ten ways the Bible would be different if it were written by
college students

1.Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
2.The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
3.New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
4.Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
5.Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to abuse@romans.gov.
6.Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
7.The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
8.Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes
9.Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like freshers.
10.Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

'BIG FOOT' TRUCKS IN ACTION - FLYING! - 2 - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134435.html

STRANGE CIRCUS ACTS - FREAK SHOWS - BEARDED WOMAN - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134607.html

STRANGE CAMOUFLAGE LANDING CRAFT FULL OF 'MONSTERS' - 2 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134694.html

LITTLE MONKEY AND TIGER CUB - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134754.html

COOL HOUSES ON TOP OF THE CLIFF - DON'T JUMP UP AND DOWN! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134766.html

GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING - DO NOT SWALLOW YOUR CHEWING-GUM - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134783.html

F-117 NIGHTHAWK - DROPPING TWO JDAM'S - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134828.html

STRANGE JAPANESE FAMILY TRANSPORT - 5 ON A MOTORSCOOTER - ONE IN A BAG! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134830.html

COOL GLIDER PICTURE - SOARING! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134834.html

STRANGE WINTER SNOWFALL - SCARY "DEMON" GRILL - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134835.html

SEATTLE SPACE NEEDLE OR UFO? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134836.html

ANGRY ELEPHANT TIPS OVER SIGHT SEEING VAN! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/134837.html

STRANGE INSECT FACES - CLOSE-UP! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134838.html

STRANGE CAR - STRANGE 'BODY' WORK - FEMALE BODY! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134839.html

PIT CREW FIRE DANGER AT F1 RACE - GET BACK! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134840.html

STRANGE RACE - WHEELCAR, A GUY IN SANDALS AND A WITCH DOCTOR? - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134841.html

COOL F-15 STRIKE EAGLE - COOL VAPOR TRAILS OVER WINGS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134842.html

STRANGE 3 WHEEL MOTORCYCLE/CAR - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134843.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - CARS - CUSTOM - CONVERTIBLES - HARDTOPS - CRAZY DESIGNS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100001_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Dictionary For Women's Personal Ads - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134832.html

Women's English vs. Men's English - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/134833.html

Strange Senior Questions - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134827.html

Top 15 Things to Say When Caught Sleeping at your Desk - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/24675.html

Job Interview Answers for Tough Questions... - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/24590.html

New Employee Handbook - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25189.html

Actual Marketing Flops - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/24402.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - CARS - CUSTOM - CONVERTIBLES - HARDTOPS - CRAZY DESIGNS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends!

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 665 - Feb 03, 2008 - Why? Why? Why? Strange Questions

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Political Correctness" Quotes:

"Political Correctness, what does it mean? It means that telling us what to think has evolved into telling us what to say, so telling us what to do can't be far behind. Before you claim to be a champion of free thought, tell me: Why did political correctness originate on American campuses? And why do you continue to tolerate it? Why do you, who're supposed to debate ideas, surrender to suppression? Lets be honest who thinks professors can say what they really believe? It scares me to death, and should scare you too, that the superstition of political correctness rules the halls of reason." - Charlton Heston's speech at Harvard Law School (Winning The Culture War)

"Political Correctness" is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." - Unknown

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Why? Why? Why?

Why?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery?"
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95 or 98, you have to click on "Start?"
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE JAPANESE - ASIAN TRUCKS - WILD FRONT END - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134330.html

STRANGE CIRCUS ACTS - FREAK SHOWS - HAIRY FACE FAMILY - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134603.html

STRANGE COUPLES - THE BUNKERS AND THE YATESES - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134677.html

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS AT UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/134678.html

STRANGE FOUR LEGGED LADY - JOSEPHINE MYRTLE CORBIN - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134682.html

SST - LOOKING DOWN IT'S NOSE AT YOU! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134686.html

DIABLO CODY - TATTOO CHANGE AFTER BOYFRIEND BREAKUP - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134696.html

TANK PROBLEM - IT'S UPSIDE DOWN! - PLANNING SESSION? - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/134699.html

STRANGE ARMED ROBBERY IN GERMANY - 1 - BICYCLE BANDIT! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134707.html

STRANGE BLONDE BRIDE - NOSE PRESSED TO THE WINDOW - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/134712.html

NEW LOGO CHINA OLYMPICS 2008 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134716.html

MOTORCYCLES - WHEELIES FUN - SPREAD EAGLE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134727.html

SNOWBOARDING FUN - BIG JUMP! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134729.html

COPS FIND FAKE TEXAS D.O.T. TRUCK FULL OF DRUGS! - BUSTED! - 6 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134736.html

COOL RAINBOW - BRIDGE - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134746.html

STRANGE ART WORK - MAN CLAWING HIS WAY OUT OF THE GROUND - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134747.html

BABY'S FIRST "REAL" BOTTLE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134748.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - FOOTBALL - NFL - COLLEGE - STAR PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100020_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange 'Royal' Coincidence - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134680.html

Great Military Comebacks - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134777.html

Actual Letter to the Canadian Passport Office - Must Read! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/134779.html

The Incredible SR-71 - a Pilot Remebers - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134782.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - FOOTBALL - NFL - COLLEGE - STAR PLAYERS

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Watch Out - B3ta's About"

This Week:
* INTRODUCING... Mini lols!
* CHALLENGE - Pylons. Yes, pylons.
* QUESTION - Stalkers. Should be good we think.

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Your tax return
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | should have been
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| in yesterday"

B3ta email 313 - 01 Feb 2008

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue313/

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Is this the world's biggest online jigsaw?

Not sure. But placing a piece could bag you a
Honda Civic Hybrid.
http://tinyurl.com/2ollcr

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than collecting their poos in buckets

>> QOTW poster celebration <<
"Hey B3ta," pipes up Pineapplecharm, "I don't
know if you noticed but the last QOTW was the
200th! To celebrate, I took the top three from
each QOTW and compiled them into a monster
PDF." Just about legible if printed at A1 size,
this labour of love is currently emblazoned
across the wall at B3ta HQ.
http://www.spinelessclassics.com/b3ta.pdf

>> Sleepy Sheepy <<
Sheep, probably best known for lighting his own
farts whilst wearing a b3ta t-shirt (oh did
that make our sales sky rocket), has been
troubled by a defective bedside lamp and has
such an exciting life that he's decided to film
it. Oh well, half a lol is better than no lols
at all.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Light

>> Call for sheds <<
We get a lot of 'call for content' requests at
b3ta, but few as unusual as this. Uncle Wilco
squeaks, "Last year you covered our 'Shed of
the Year' competition. It was the Roman temple
shed, if you don't remember. Anyway we are
looking for other unique sheds for 'Shed of the
Year 2008'." The lovely Sarah Beeny is signed up
to judge your wooden erections, so go on, it's
time to expose those unused tools.
http://www.readersheds.co.uk

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Bastard Colleagues

Last week we asked you to rat on the colleagues
that make your life hell:
http://b3ta.com/questions/bastardcolleagues/

* THE LIST - "B had a notebook, and in it was
'The List'. The List had been compiled over
many years and contained the names of every
single person in the building who'd offended B
in any way. Going back to the day he started.
If you offended him and then left (or got
really lucky and died) then your name was
scored through with red pen. Not the sort of
guy you'd ever trust with a weapon. With his
retirement beckoning, we all began to wonder -
what would he do with The List? Would he work
his way around the building, slapping
offenders, righting wrongs? Fate conspired
against him: the night before his final day at
work, his manager jimmied the lock on his desk
and removed the notebook. B arrived on his last
day at precisely 9am, clocked in and sat down.
Noted the loss of the precious notebook, stood
up, put on his coat and walked out. All without
a single word spoken. No one I know ever saw
him again. Security were on alert for several
weeks in case he came back and went postal."
(TheWeeWitch)

* CLICKY PEN - "He has a clicky pen and sits
all day clicking his clicky fucking pen. Click,
click, click, clicketty clicky, click, click...
clickclickclickclickclickclick. Clicky click,
clickclickclickclick....clickety click.... and
on it goes, on and on and on, sitting there
clicking his pen, clicking away. When he is
telling a hilarious story about his X-Box or
latest graphics card, the clicking of his pen
gets faster. When he's trying to explain
something to someone he clicks his pen slowly.
When he walks he clicks his pen in time with
with footsteps. Click, click, click, click,
click, clicketty, fucking click. All bloody
day. I've even started hiding his pens by
throwing them out the window on to the roof,
but some how he always manages to find a new
clicky pen." (The Duke of Prunes)

* DARREN - "Real oddball. About 27 but dresses
like a 45-year-old did in 1950. Never uses one
word when he can ramble (eloquently) for twenty
minutes. Took his mum to the Xmas do. Very
serious, tries to be uber-professional. Caught
him today pretending to balance along the join
in the carpet with a happy grin on his face
when he thought he was on his own. He suddenly
noticed me smiling and went bright red. I like
him." (inflateable)

>> This Week's Question <<
Been stalked? Stalked someone? Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/stalked/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Fundamentalist = funny <<
Like Hot or Not with readers voting on the
funniest fundamentalist quotes from around the
internet. "I can sum it all up in three words:
Evolution is a lie". We suspect that a huge
chunk of it is actually trolling but after that
peanut butter vid the other week who knows?
It's an entertaining read anyhow.
http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx?archive=1

>> What I killed today <<
A massive dose of pathos from this blogger who
works in an animal shelter. It's a laconic list
of all the pets that have been killed each day,
and why.
http://whatikilledtoday.blogspot.com/

>> Most amazing tree-houses in the world <<
Certainly some incredible buildings in this
list, but we can't help feeling some people
were taking the piss with their enormous
castles spread across a whole forest: why
bother putting it in a tree at all if you're
going to do that?
http://freshome.com/2008/01/08/top-8-most-amazing-tree-houses/

>> "Down with the BNP!" <<
Probably the lamest attempt to organise an
anti-racism rally we've ever seen. Lovely
vignette of someone's apathetic life.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Down_with_the_BNP

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
The clicky of teletext meets the magic of TV

>> Appalling old ads <<
Some fantastic commercials from the good old
days. We particularly liked the one with the
'Chinese baby' and the fantastic sell for
asbestos flooring.
http://snipurl.com/crackedlistwhores

>> Fucking stupid stoners <<
They are testing out the 'turbo-bong', which is
all well and good. But it's clearly wildly more
successful than they'd hoped an they all just
stand around making "dude" noises as the room
rapidly fills with choking, unbreathable smog.
http://www.yikers.com/video_the_turbo_bong.html

>> Grandstand Theme - live <<
Like the devil having the best tunes, sports
shows always seem to have the best themes.
Grandstand was a UK show that we rarely watched
beyond the title sequence - but what a cracking
opening. Here's the music, conducted by the guy
who composed it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sOKuzo8nSY

>> 3-man WWII beach landing <<
Fascinating making-of vid for a documentary
about the Normandy beach landings. There's a
massive amount of cutting and pasting to turn
three graphic designers into thousands of
American troops on Omaha beach.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRS9cpOMYv0

>> Head in a pot <<
The set-up - hollowed-out cooker in a communal
kitchen with a man hidden inside so that his
head sticks out the top, then a pot with the
bottom cut out placed over him. Hungry
passers-by who fancy a taste of what's in the
soup are horrified when they lift the lid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc9A1KxxuN0

-------------------------------------------------

: MINILOLS
Small things that made us smile

>> Scary-eyed lemur <<
You'll need sound to get the full effect of
this THX ad parody.
http://www.glumbert.com/media/thx

>> 19th-century drive-by <<
Honestly? We have no idea what this short film
loop is about but it's classic slapstick.
http://www.todayandtomorrow.net/2008/01/08/djoef-op-u-bakkes/

>> Art Garfunkel moustache <<
Put your finger over Paul Simon's face on the
cover of Bridge Over Troubled Water. Voila! You
can see what Art would look like with a
handsome set of facial whiskers!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005ML9F/b3ta-21

>> Untimely announcement <<
Poor astrologers... can't say anything more
without blowing the punchline.
http://www.astrologicalmagazine.com/

>> Insensitive advertising <<
Unfortunate ad placement in the Telegraph last
week: want to see some puppies? Eww.
http://snipurl.com/telelaughs

>> BBC radio blooper <<
On-air, a BBC DJ falls for a schoolboy prank of
the 'Hugh Jass' variety. Oh dear
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=bZ3SVLUolwc&feature=related

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Wrong Man Challenge

Last week we wanted to know who the wrong men
for the job were.

Your favourites included:

* CATHERINE TATE - just wrong in so many ways
(Stan)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7987856

* COOKIE MONSTER - bonus points for the
splendid use of tea-cakes (prodigy69)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7988696

* THATCHER - amazingly, she's still not dead
(deshnoodle)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7988433

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/wrongman/

>> New challenge: Pylons <<
Pylons are ace, transporting our electricity
across the nation and making the dull
countryside look all science-fiction and that.
If anything deserves photoshopping, it's the
pylon. So that's what we're doing.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/pylons/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* FRUITY CUM - Tom Scott chirrups re his
pineapple fingering exercise, "Thanks for the
newsletter link, B3ta - so far I've had one
email, interested in whether pineapple would
make my semen taste better. Funny old thing,
the internet."

* TRAIN PLUGS - last week we asked what happens
if you overload the plug sockets on trains with
lots of toasters. Milowagner informs, "I tried
to plug my iMac in once, but it didn't turn on.
Turns out I tripped the fuse. They just have to
reset them at the end of the day. Nothing bad
happens." So there you go. It trips a fuse. Woo
hoo.

* MOUSE PATTERNS - a number of you wrote in to
mock our suggestion that you could make nice
photos from a long exposure shot under glass of
mouse LED movement. "And how do you expect a
laser mouse to work on a glass surface?" you
said. Well, we've just tried it on a window and
it does sort of work if they're really mucky.
Like ours. Huzzah.

* B3TARD WINS $10k - giant_squid boasts, "Dear
b3ta, You were kind enough to declare my Cow
in the Tree animation one of the 'best of 2005'
(a very long time ago). I stuck it on a
'talent' site, not believing I had a chance to
win. Unbelievably, I've won my category and am
set to receive $10,000. So, I'd like to thank
everyone who voted for me, and your newsletter
for inspiring me to do silly animations in the
first place." Woo hoo, you'll be sending us our
usual 50%, yeah?
http://www.clipstar.com/videopage.jsf?video=3_293_17

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* TWO-PENNY TOWER CHALLENGE - build the highest
tower of 2ps without knocking them over.

* GLOW-STICK MAN - place those nasty tubes on
your clothes to create a stickman outline,
dance in the dark for the camera.

* DEEP HEAT FULL-BODY ENDURANCE TEST - how long
can you last?

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Watch out for Mr Pitchy. Stuff sent
in by ||III||II||III||, necromanc17, redazril,
masackatsu, prodigy69, Rainbored, FishNChimps,
insignificantsnivellinglittleturd, CapnChkn,
Supergyrations, James Lan Doky and Redsushi
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjectlols from Mofaha and The Great Architect
for other bit in the header. Rah! to b4ta.
(Numbers, who gives a fuck?)

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Beadle may be dead but commemorate his passing
with this simple prank: get a new bar of soap
and paint it with clear nail varnish. Let it
dry and place it out to be used. (Yank Meoff)

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
What's the shortest joke known to man? Dwarves!
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 664 - Jan. 30, 2008 - Strange Label Instructions

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

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==================================

Quotes About "Wisdom"

"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Know thyself." - Linnaeus

"The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison

"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing." - Engineer's Motto

"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think." - Dorothy Parker

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Label Instructions

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after
heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE "WASP WAIST" WOMEN - 7 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134236.html

STRANGE JAPANESE WEDDINGS - THE BRIDES SPECIAL HAIRDO - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134507.html

NAVAL GUN FIRE PRODUCES HUGE 'SMOKE RINGS' - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/134563.html

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COOL BROAD JUMP SHOT - SAND SCATTERS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134588.html

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BULLFIGHTING DANGERS - PICADOR AND HORSE IN TROUBLE! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/134671.html

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STRANGE CAMOUFLAGE LANDING CRAFT FULL OF 'MONSTERS' - 3 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/134693.html

TANK PROBLEM - THE CAPTAIN IS NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134700.html

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MOUNTAIN BIKING FUN - OVER THE CLIFF! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/134728.html

HOCKEY SLAPSHOT PROBLEM - BROKEN STICK! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/134730.html

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HUGE 11 FOOT STURGEON CAUGHT IN WILLAMETTE RIVER - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/134734.html

STRANGE SURFBOARD - IT'S HUGE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/134742.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - AL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/27_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange 'Revenge' Killing and Strange Result - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/134681.html

Strange Facts About the 1500s - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21845.html

Famous Last Farewells - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21783.html

Breasts - Different Names They're Called - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/21408.html

Bumper Stickers for the Politically Incorrect - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/21461.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - AL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/115_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

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------------------------

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