This Week:
* JEREMY CLARKSON - reviews games
* MAD MEN - for the internet age
* A PARROT - shouting into a little cup
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving our fluids
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | in bottles... together"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|
B3ta email 665 - 22 May 2015
Read this issue whilst pretending to be a horse:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue665
Friend b3ta on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
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: SPONSORED LINK
Lipstick 'massager'
Do you get embarrassed carrying a dildo or
vibrator all day? Then why not buy one
disguised as a lipstick? They're dirt cheap
(less than £3) and er...
To be honest we have no idea but, if you do buy
one, get in touch and tell us how it works out.
We're just simply amused that the damn things
exist.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00GTK7P12/b3ta-21
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than making poo and wee
>> Where were the people who didn't vote? <<
"What about the other millions of people who
didn't vote in the General Election?" inquires,
er, 'Tony Stark'. "A covert team went out on the
day and captured where people went instead of
the polling stations." The results will SHOCK*
you.
>> 'Say no to gluten' rap <<
"Here's a song about the evils of wheat-based
life," evangelises Dave WALLOP, "And the merits
of going Gluten Free." It's worryingly catchy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfxpNB5JhMg
>> Boardgame about worshipping a holy chicken <<
"Remember War on Terror: the boardgame?"
prompts Tarka_the_Frotter. "Well I've made a
new game and this one's about religion.
"In this one, you get to create your own
religion, around the worship of a holy chicken.
It's called The Hen Commandments."
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Fingers' challenge
Last week asked to see your fingers, because
weird, flexible, gristle-and-bone-filled
sausages are our thing.
Your favourites included:
* Quo: Rick and Francis classic pose recreated
in paint and digits. (HappyToast)
http://b3ta.com/board/11150688
* Handtler: the fuhrer finger.
(collapsibletank)
http://b3ta.com/board/11150730
* Duel: a very painful looking falling out.
(Flash Bastard)
http://b3ta.com/board/11151125
All these images, and a load more can be
found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fingers/
>> New challenge: Fingers <<
This week we're running down the canine hit
parade. Show us the albums (and singles) that
make dogs wag their tails. From Pink Floyd's
'Bark Side of the Moon' to Run DMC's 'Walkies
This Way'.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dogalbums/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* FROTTAGE INTERVIEW - interview with a guy who
rubs himself against strangers on the Tube.
Er... Stop doing that!
* FASCINATING HIDDEN GAME - for two years no
one noticed the weird extra bit in a Kanye West
RPG. Spooky.
* MAD MEN 2.0 - what if you nicked gifs of Mad
Men and pretended they were talking about
modern web advertising? You'd make us
depressed. That's what.
http://madmenintegrated.tumblr.com/
* WAR ON DAILY MAIL - There's a bot on Reddit
that screengrabs Daily Mail stories so you can
read them without contributing to their clicks.
http://www.reddit.com/user/DailMail_Bot
* FOUR LOL FOUR - this 404 page made us stare
for two seconds then roll our eyes SO HARD.
http://www.reddogmusic.co.uk/404pagenotfound
* BLAKE'S 7 EBAY SALE - Blimey! You can buy the
original Liberator ship from Blake's 7 on eBay.
Not sure we'd pay £33,000 for it, mind.
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Follow @b3ta on Twitter:
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: TWO BITS OF PROOF THAT THE INTERNET IS
Officially uncool now
1. Some shitty airline company has made a long,
boring video full of dank, old memes. It's hard
to watch and makes us wish we were into CB
radios instead.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vttuonfu2BM
2. We don't understand how anyone can celebrate
10 years of YouTube when it's used to propagate
Jamie Oliver rapping. Jesus wept! Close YouTube
NOW.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ug_vpIk1jc
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Animated jpeg sequences with sequenced audio
* SELFIE DRONE - You know how every Kickstarter
is shit? Well so is this - some kind of drone
selfie machine. Awful. Everyone associated with
this should be killed. By drones.
* FARTY MUSIC - so this guy recorded his fart,
noticed it was a "major seventh arpeggio in B
flat" and recorded a whole tune around it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk-5RVMerfI
* JUST A PARROT... having a bit of a shout into
a cup. We've all done it. Actually we have, and
so have you.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1305030/
* HEARING TEST - here's a short, mean comedy
video that perfectly demonstrates the 'rule of
three'.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Hearing_Test
* CARDBOARD AEROPLANE - it's the joyous
laughter that makes this short video such a
delight.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1305529/
* JEREMY CLARKSON REVIEWS AMSTRAD COMPUTER
GAMES - Did you know... just before he got his
gig presenting Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson was a
video game journalist/reviewer?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biGN6EP5Klg
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow ups on previous stories
>> Shed of the year shortlist <<
This year's Sheddies are a little different -
the judges have selected a shortlist and now
you, the public, get to choose the ultimate
shed winner.
"Some quirky entries as you would expect but a
lot of love and hard work put in from the
sheddies," notes Ultimate Shed Overlord
unclewilco.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1304684/
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: TWEET PERSONALITY QUIZ IDEA
We're too lazy to turn into a 'thing'
1. Go to this list http://www.imdb.com/chart/top
2. Look up the film in the chart that matches your age
3. This is the story of your year
Us? "The Tramp struggles to live in modern
industrial society with the help of a young
homeless woman."
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Kiss us: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Miss us: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Dan dan dan,
Cragget and tits.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Top tip via robneymcplum.
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Friend b3ta on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
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TOP TIP:
Want your partner to be back earlier than
planned? Simply type 'youporn' into Google.
Posted by: rob@b3ta.com
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