This Week:
* VIDEO - Bad TripAdvisor Reviews of great places
* IMAGE CHALLENGE GOLD - Recreating LP covers
* AD - We actually sold an ad, amazing!
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B3ta email 660 - 17 April 2015
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue660
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PRIMUS UK TOUR
(yes, a real sponsored link - read it!)
Primus opens up a portal to their weird Primus psychedelic world this June, touring London, Manchester and Birmingham. Two sets: One of oddball classics and the other exploring their re-imagining of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
http://kililive.com/artists/primus
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WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than making farty noises with armpits
* Genuine TripAdvisor reviews of the world's most beautiful places - genuinely great idea from waz4444. Expect to see this video everywhere.
http://bit.ly/Genuine-TripAdvisor-reviews
* POLITICAL THINGOMETER - andrew-t writes, "I thought a fun way to visualise polling data would be by combining the faces of candidates in whatever proportion the poll said. I was wrong, it's a horrific way to produce ghastly mutants. But some people like ghastly mutants, so here they are."
http://github.andrewt.net/thingometer
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IMAGE CHALLENGE GOLD
Classic albums recreated with household objects
We took an old B3ta image challenge and tidied it up for The Mirror - it was archival work - digging through broken images and the internet wayback machine - but it scrubbed up really well.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/usvsth3m/celebrate-record-store-day-12-5530052
BTW: Happy Record Store Day this Saturday, get down your HMV or Our Price or wherever the hell you can buy records these days. Round here it's only charity shops.
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B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from 'Clickbait Film Posters' challenge
Last week we applied horrible web advertising techniques to classic film flyers.
Your favourites included:
* BedTips: It's like Stephen King's 50 Shades ofGrey. (Q4nobody)
http://b3ta.com/board/11145020
* Kennedy: Oooof! (Prodigy69)
http://b3ta.com/board/11144780
* Rocky: Click to read top tips on sweet transvesticism. (barryheadwound)
http://b3ta.com/board/11145714
All these images, and a load more can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/clickbaitfilm/
>> New challenge: Photoshop the UK <<
Geograph.org.uk has been trying to photograph the whole of the UK for years, unsurprisingly most of the results are really dull. So take a tour, pick a favourite place and liven it up with the power of potatoshop.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/PhotoshopUK/
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REMEMBER: FRIEND B3TA ON FACEBOOK
Seriously, follow the HELL out of B3ta on Facebook as we're bedding in deeply. Our current hot media theory is that:
1. Email reaches the old school
2. Twitter reaches the media junkies (like us)
3. Facebook reaches everyone
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
Just be thankful we haven't developed a Snapchat strategy.
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SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* THESE LOT ARE DEFFO RIGHT ABOUT OLD HITLER - we do wish we'd thought of this - just some cold reading and an input form - viral as fuck.
http://bit.ly/hitler-what-a-lovely-man
* ROBOT K-9 TOY OPERATED BY YOUR SMARTPHONE - gift idea for the Doctor Who fan in your life.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00TQ4B2RG/b3ta-21
* AN APPLE WATCH YOU'LL WANT MORE THAN A REAL APPLE WATCH - because Apple II's were cool and we don't know, you've already got a phone, do you need an extra one on your wrist?
http://www.instructables.com/id/Apple-II-Watch/?ALLSTEPS
* WOULD YOU PAY £120 FOR A DEVICE TO HELP YOU SLICE BREAD? - Surely a sign of the coming apocalypse: a product you don't need at a price you wouldn't pay.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00IYNUEOC/b3ta-21
* FANCY ENTERING A HUGE RABBIT HOLE OF READING - This reddit thread where people confess the secrets that could ruin their life is the most compelling thing we've read on the internet in ages.
http://bit.ly/this-reddit-thread-is-disturbing
* MORE READING - There's a 4km long figure in drawn in the Australian outback - created in 1998 - and it's a complete mystery who made it or why it exists.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marree_Man
* TARDIS BUTT PLUG ANYONE? - Insert your own "bigger on the inside" joke here. Bum ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum ba ba ba bum. Woo-oooooo Wooooooooo Woo-oooo, Woo-ooooo woo-oo-oo ooo.
http://bit.ly/tom-is-putting-it-in-now
* BOWIE IS BETTER THAN YOU - Genius. Type in your age and it'll tell you what Bowie did at the same age. He did more stuff. Some of it sucked but he didn't stop experimenting. Love him.
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DON'T FORGET THE ELECTION POSTER CHALLENGE
All 103 entries to @b3ta's "Photoshop an election poster" are superb. Actually they're not, but the best ones are very good indeed and got a RT off famous comedian bloke David Schneider the other day. Which was exciting.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/electionposters/popular/
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FOLLOW @B3TA ON THAT TWITTER WEBSITE
If you're on Twitter you should follow @b3ta as we post all the front-paged images and we do other exciting things, like you know, retweet other things we find amusing. And press fav on people's tweets in a slightly patronising 'there there dear' kind of way. This could happen to you - if you follow us.
Oh yes, there's a better reason too - we post a link to this weekly newsletter which is handy considering sp*m filters and Yahoogroups being a fetid bag of sick these days. People say to us can't you use MailChimp? BUT THAT COSTS MONEY. Gah. *RANT*
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VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like books that play pictures in your head
* TEXT ADVENTURE SPEED RUNS - we're not expecting you to watch this, just marvel that it's a thing. As Monkeon writes, "People actually upload speedruns of text adventure games. It's rather like a modern speed typing contest."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1bLBy7gQPI
* TINDER IN THE 1980s - SquirrelMonkeyCom have a joke format, they take modern tech and imagine it's from the past.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPuikArOx6Y
* MAD UKIP BLOKE - This must be the weirdest answer ever given on TV. "What's your name sir?" "My buttocks are smooth, my mind is clear, vote UKIP"
http://bit.ly/my-buttocks-are-smooth-vote-ukip
* OLD SCHOOL B3tAN BRETT DOMINO WANTS YOU TO VOTE - Most videos imploring you to vote are utter rubbish but the The Brett Domino Trio have delivered solid gold. SOLID ENTERTAINMENT GOLD, WE TELL YOU.
http://bit.ly/vote-else-the-bastards-wins
* WHY DRINK CANS ARE SHAPED THE WAY THEY ARE - this seemed oddly fascinating at 5am this morning.
* CHARLIE SAYS HOW TO USE SOCIAL MEDIA - sage advice from young Charlie.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Charlie_says:3
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SOD IT, /EVERYONE/ IS RUNNING THIS SNEAKY PRANK
So why not us too?
1) open an iMessage
2) hold down the camera icon
3) when it appears, slide your thumb up to the new camera icon
4) you're welcome
https://twitter.com/ehdannyboy/status/588078018465259520
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QUESTION OF THE WEEK /GOLD/
Little victories: 'Polo holes' by sunray18
A while ago, the people who make Polo mints brought out a promotional product called "Polo Holes", the idea being that these small mints were the bits that were stamped out of the middle.
As a schoolboy at the time, I was tasked for english homework to write a letter of complaint. I chose to complain about polo holes as the definition of a hole is a cavity; nothingness so by that measure the packet should be empty. How disappointed I was to find these white things in the packet. I promised not to take the case to trading standards if they sent me a year's supply. Genius. Well written letter, no harm done. Except teacher decided to mail it.
Several days pass and I receive an unexpected parcel at home. Inside was a wholesale packet of polo tubes with one noticable difference: All the packets were empty. Yes, EMPTY! The gist of the enclosed letter basically said: Sorry for your disappointment, we'd hate to fall below your expectations again, so we've enclosed a sizeable supply of your definition of "holes". Don't eat them all at once!
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/littlevictories/post1082530
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SOCIAL MEDIA POLL: DO YOU BELIEVE THIS STORY IS
A. TRUE
B. CHINNY RECKON MADE UP BOLLARDS
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This bloke should really shorten has name to Dick
http://bit.ly/do-you-think-he-gets-sick-of-the-jokes
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SPONSOR B3TA
Just 15p a week will keep us in kittens
Two people (count them) have said to us recently, "Ooh, glad to see B3ta looking a bit lively" and yes this week we got our first commercial sponsorship in ages. The current deal is for a month but if you fancy bunging cash our way for the official, coveted sponsorship slot then we're all ears and will happily consult on how you can get the most out of it.
Shall we just run the ad again? Right here? For the sheer novelty blag of having an ad? HELL YES!
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PRIMUS UK TOUR
(yes, a real sponsored link - read it again!)
Primus opens up a portal to their weird Primus psychedelic world this June touring London, Manchester and Birmingham. Two sets: One of oddball classics and the other exploring their re-imagining of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
http://kililive.com/artists/primus
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Register to vote. You can't after the 20th. TICK TOCK. TICK TOCK.
http://bit.ly/gov-uk-register-to-vote
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Friends: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Poobags: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by tubaman, SketchPhile & clockworkrat. Subjlols via barryheadwound. Top tip via krang.
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Friend b3ta on Facebook. (3,271 likes)
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
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TOP TIP: Just had a really smelly dump? Light a match. Your toilet will now smell of both horrible poo and burnt matches.
Posted by: rob@b3ta.com
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