This Week:
* FREEMAN OF THE LAND - Vs cops
* PENGUINS - being heckled
* DUBSTEP - Control all the wubs with your face
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| we think?
B3ta email 643 - 21 Nov 2014
Read this issues after inhaling helium:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue643
Babies : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Rabies : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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: SPONSORED LINK
Yay - Amazon bollocks
Want some vaguely racist slippers? These guys
have you covered - and only five-star reviews!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rasta-Character-Plush-Novelty-Slippers/dp/B0063ZYY0S//b3ta-21
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
* THE HOLE - "Here's a sketch I co-wrote" glees
Eddache. "It's about a hole!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Hole
* 10 HOURS OF WALKING IN ANTARCTICA AS A PENGUIN
Agilely leaping onto two recent viral video
bandwagons, "I'm so terrible," confesses
jonofthsouth.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1247604
* ACHILLES EEL - Joel Veitch claims, "Achilles
and his eel are the best of friends!" But
that's NOT what this shocking video seems to
suggest.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Achilles_Eel
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: USVSTH3M
That other B3taish project
* 24 struggles that only people who work from
home will understand. This is all 100% true and
100% about us:
http://usvsth3m.com/post/24-struggles-that-only-people-working-from-home-understand
* Clickbait Headline generator - then see it as
a website. This Video Will Show You've Been
Shopping For Beef Wrong Your Entire Life:
http://community.usvsth3m.com/generator/clickbait-headline-generator
* Unrealistic Comet Lander - could YOU do a
better job than the European Space Agency at
landing on Comet 67P?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/unrealistic-comet-landing-simulator/
* WUBCAM - 1) Turn on your webcam, 2) Control
the dubstep wubs by wobbling your face.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/wubcam/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Control Freaks
Last week we wanted you to tell us about the
people you've met who were screwed on just a
little bit too tightly:
http://b3ta.com/questions/sillyachievements
* HALF A SHOW - "I can't watch telly at my
mother's house.
"She has an iron grip on the remote control and
feels the need to switch to another channel
while the ads are on, thus making you miss part
of the show you were originally watching and
getting you interested in the second show, just
to turn it over again.
"Even my dad isn't allowed to complain or
touch the remote without getting called a
baldy cunt." (Smash Monkey)
* CUTLERY DRAWER - "My girlfriend has the
cutlery in the following order:
"Spoons (teaspoons and dessert spoons mixed),
knives, garlic crusher/pizza slicer. Then in
the horizontal slot - forks.
"It's hard to sleep at night." (scoshi)
* I HAVE AN EXCELLENT STORY - "But I'm only
going to tell it to you once you're all sitting
still... and I'd BETTER NOT HAVE ANY
INTERRUPTIONS." (eViLegion)
>> Continuing This Week - Weddings II <<
Attending a wedding is like being handed a
licence to act like a twat. Tell us more:
http://b3ta.com/questions/controlfreaks/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* YOUGOV PROFILER - On the off-chance you
haven't already seen it, this week the poll
site made an online tool that lets you see the
OTHER opinions of people who like sausages or
Nick Clegg or Top Gear or really ANYTHING.
https://yougov.co.uk/profiler#/
* PICS OF SHOREDITCH RESIDENTS - as Shoreditch
dweller MaxineBasset says, "There's no one like
this living near me. (Apart from me.) When does
being wildly individual become a bit samey?"
http://dougiewallace.com/9365/shoreditch-wild-life/
* LONG GIF GOOD PAYOFF - "...and I thought it
was for something worthless, like an iPhone,"
confesses illiterate.
http://i.imgur.com/rss2sBB.gifv
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
* FREEMAN OF THE LAND VS POLICE - Watch US
police try to keep a straight face as some
bloke tries to pull all that "I am not a person
and you can't arrest me because this is
maritime law" shizz on them. And then...
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1247014
* HERMIT CRAB HOUSING CHAIN - The sublime David
Attenborough talks us through the peculiar
queuing practices of different-sized hermit
crabs.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Hermit_crab_housing_chain
* KNOCK KNOCK SHEEP - Who knows how long the
dad kept his daughter standing in a field until
they got the perfect take?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFgbdfjK2ZY
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Big Mistake' challenge
Last week we asked you to depict stupid ideas
and foolish endeavours.
Your favourites included:
* SHOW AND TELL: MP Presentation day
(Fresh Water Mole)
http://b3ta.com/board/11110399
* HULK: Never mock the Hogan
(DolphinWhipperer)
http://b3ta.com/board/11110502
* GLITTER: The old PCWorld error
(robneymcplum)
http://b3ta.com/board/11110420
All these images, and a couple more can be
found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/bigmistake/
>> New challenge: Climate Change <
This week's challenge is all about messing
with the weather. Give us Gene Kelly Singing
in the snow and brighten up Rutger Hauer's
'tears in the rain' speech.
Challenge suggested by monkeon.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/climatechange/
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
"Well, we've all tried it," suggests WeirdWeb.
At least she ends on an upbeat note.
http://www.nie.edu.sg/profile/chew-shit-fun
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* A WAY TO CURE HICCUPS - One of us had a baby
the other week. The hiccups will not stop.
* AN INFINITE MONEY TREE - that WON'T cause
hyperinflation.
* THE RETURN OF HUFTY - Surely she's paid her
debt to society?
Send contributions via the mail form.
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
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Nay: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------------
Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard:
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Stuff sent in by Matt Round, Pig Bodine,
tokyosexwhale, a humble reindeer herder.
Top Tippery by social hand grenade.
Image challenge by HappyToast.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Pacify sanctimonious types by living in a stone
house and throwing glasses.
Posted by: rob@b3ta.com
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