This Week:
* BREAKFAST - Bacon drone
* STAR TREK - Christmas carol
* INNUENDO - Organ song
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | sausages because
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| we like them"
B3ta email 611 - 13 Dec 2013
Read this issue whilst sobbing uncontrollably
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue611
Friends : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Enemies : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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: SPONSORED LINK
iPad activity seat for babies and toddlers
This seems like a very good idea, to rapidly
acclimatise your vulnerable young offspring to
forever gawping at the magic internet box.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00EL4NI5U/b3ta-20
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Breakfast, Spies and Tallness
>> I HAVE MADE A BACON DRONE <<
"I made it from sticks and tape and coat
hangers," bellows Joel Veitch. "It delivers not
only bacon, but in fact an entire cooked
breakfast of bacon, egg, sausage, mushroom and
tomato ketchup.
"All that Amazon stuff about drone delivery is
pretty crappy compared to my amazing
technological triumph. This is why I am so much
more rich and successful than Jeff Bezos."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_HAVE_MADE_A_BACON_DRONE
>> Joe 90 redux <<
"I thought considering all the silliness that
goes on here, perhaps you'd like this," writes
rowlification, of this redubbed 1960s puppet
spy show.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Joe_90_redux
>> A lifestyle show for tall people <<
"Just what you've always wanted, right?" winks
Touched by an Angle Grinder.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1108950/
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: USVSTH3M
Stuff we made and hope you like
* 18 moronic questions that will drive every
vegetarian to bit people to death just to shut
them up.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/69796467326/
* Granagotchi - help gran survive the winter!
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/granagotchi/
* Can you control or inner pedant? Or will you
literally explode with rage?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/control-your-inner-pedant/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Celebrity Encounters III
Last week we asked for more encounters with
famous people, good and bloody awful:
http://b3ta.com/questions/celebencounters3/
* PINT - "This was someone whose work I'd been
introduced to when I was seven. It kept me
entertained for the better part of twenty
years. He'd been responsible for more late
nights, more jokes, more laughter and probably
more arguments than anything in my entire life.
In the end, I thought that the worse that could
happen was that he'd say no, so I wandered
nonchalantly over.
"''Scuse me?' I said. 'Can I buy you a drink?'
He looked at me, a little nonplussed. 'Why?'
'Because you've been entertaining me ever
since I was seven, and I reckon I probably owe
you one by way of a thank you.' He looked at
me over his glasses. 'No, you can't.' I
started to turn away. 'But I'll buy you one.'
"He was lovely. Friendly, avuncular, and
obviously only too used to dealing with people
like me, who had a story or two to tell. He
told me a few himself. It was great, and
somewhere inside, my inner seven year old was
dancing about with glee. He died a couple of
years later, which made me sad. But I got to
say thank you and, in return, Gary Gygax
bought me a pint."
(davywavy)
* FUCK OFF - "Around 1990, I was wrestling an
enormous, wheeled flight-case, containing big
boxes of electronic-make-music-loud stuff up
a ramp onto a big stage in a field in Berkshire.
On reaching the top, someone was stood blocking
the ramp with their back to me, and momentum
was in charge of the proceedings.
"And that is how I came to bellow, "Get out
the fucking way you stupid fucking twat" at
Mick Jagger. To his credit, he said "Sorry
man" and got out of the fucking way."
(redexile)
* DEAD POOL - "I saw Mo Mowlam in St James's
Park once. She's dead now. I also saw Robin
Cook in St James's Park once. He's dead now.
I'm still hoping to see George Osbourne."
(scarpe)
>> This Week - BIZARRE LEAPS OF LOGIC <<
Ever been left at a mental standstill by
someone else's thought processes? Tell all:
http://b3ta.com/questions/bizarreleapsoflogic/
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Is it Christmas? <<
Single serving website - look away if you don't
want spoilers.
>> Scientists who became creationists <<
Well trolled, RationalWiki - top marks.
>> Secret Murdoch is evil message in newspaper <<
A brave puzzle compiler seems to be behind this
crafty little dig at mega-boss Rupert Murdoch.
>> Xmas branding <<
Old but gold. Twattish marketing guidelines for
Santa.
http://www.quietroom.co.uk/santa_brandbook/
>> Michael Gove Bathroom Light Handle <<
Add a macabre, political twist to your bathroom
light handle - a tiny, wizened Michael Gove
lynching.
>> Siberian flying squirrels <<
These rodents are so cute that, if our flat got
infested with them, we'd almost not put down
traps. And that's saying something.
>> Tech reviews based on drawings of cocks <<
This is obviously the correct way to rate new
technology - based on how well they can make a
cock. NSFW.
-------------------------------------------------
: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> The talking boat <<
Does exactly what you'd expect. Exactly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_talking_boat
>> The Germans love English Xmas Markets <<
Well done, The Poke for this nicely-observed
bit about Christmas markets.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1108653/
>> Star Trek Christmas <<
The Next Generation cast sing their remixed
Christmas greetings.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Star_Trek_Christmas
>> Hidden trumpeter spoils parade <<
This is how you annoy a passing marching band -
LOLs ahoy.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1109924/
>> Communist cat Christmas <<
Crab-bloke's classic Christmas cat-based
commissar carol.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1108062/
>> Marvelous Organ! <<
A song about a marvelous organ... Innuendo?
What do you mean?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Marvelous_Organ
>> Frantic cats sing you Happy Chrimbus <<
Slightly disturbing festive fun, as twitching
cats mew "O Come Let Us Adore Him". Also,
mouth-organ.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Happy_nearly_Chrimbus
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* AN END TO IRONIC CHRISTMAS JUMPERS - down
with officially-sanctioned whackiness.
* ACTUAL BEARS HAVING AN ACTUAL PICNIC - we
were completely unsurprised the last time we
went down to the woods
* A SECOND ROB DOUGAN ALBUM - We loved "Clubbed
to Death". Then again, he runs a vineyard now,
so maybe we should sample his more recent work.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
Subs: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Snubs: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by iambob,
DestructoLettuce, NoStrings,
PhosphorBurnedEyes, congasplint,
buffet_the_appetite_slayer, skeltonator,
Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, feelwelcome.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via Tom Scott.
Tips by Monkey Tennis.
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
If a person displays certain characteristics,
personality traits or behavioural tendencies,
it's probably due to a combination of genetics,
past and present socio-economic environment,
education and familial/peer group
relationships. It is almost certainly not
because they are a fucking Pisces.
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