VOL 1109 - May 06, 2012 - Strange Music Guide - Singing the Blues - The Do's and Don'ts

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Quotes from "Famous" Mothers - Part 1

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

BARNEY'S MOTHER:
"I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple!"

MARY'S MOTHER:
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BATMAN'S MOTHER:
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GOLDILOCK'S MOTHER:
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LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER:
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ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:
"But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something....?"

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Singing the Blues - The Do's and Don'ts

THE WHYS AND WHEREFORES OF THE BLUES:


If you're new to Blues music, or you like it but never really understood the whys and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:


1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."


2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."


3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then, find something that rhymes -- sort of:


Got a good woman with the meanest face in town.

Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.

Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."


4. The Blues is not about choice. "You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out."


5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs, and broken-down trucks.

Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.

Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.


6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.

Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.


7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle are probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and N'awlins are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.


8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.


9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.


10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway,
b. jailhouse,
c. empty bed,
d. bottom of a whiskey glass.


11. Bad places for the Blues:

a. Nordstrom's,
b. gallery openings,
c. Ivy League institutions,
d. golf courses.

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