Phun Stuff and Everything You Dislike

Freitag, 12. Oktober 2012

[b3ta] "Joke free for legal reasons"

This Week:
* COCKS - Add them to your photos
* HATE MAIL - People want to be insulted
* BABIES - Slowed down, at last

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the whale
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | until we've finished
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| our chips.. together"

B3ta email 550 - 12 Oct 2012

Read this issue backwards & summon the Devil:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue550

Hugs : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Shrugs : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
Pre-order Paper White Amazon Kindle

We're very excited that the Paper White Kindle
is coming to the UK for the 25th October. This
is a backlit Kindle so you can read the fucking
thing in bed without having to attach a stupid
snake light to it which looks like shit.
Apparently better resolution too but we don't
remember the old one being low resolution - so
62% more pixels to read your 50 Shades Of Grey
mum porn.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007OZO03M/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Making fun, that's what

>> Immature Bokeh <<
"Online communities for photography are either
really twee, or po-faced," claims
nachimir. "I thought they could definitely do
with more knobs and bollocks." For the
uninitiated, bokeh is that photography thing
where lights are surrounded by lots of little
shapes. Our fave of this lot is the little cloud
of fucks.
http://www.immaturebokeh.co.uk/

>> Weebl's Christmas Nativity <<
"Me and Weebl united once again!" rejoices
Wonchop. This is an excellent thing and
extremely seasonal. Sadly, not this season, but
that's still a quality.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Weebls_Christmas_Nativity

>> Goodbye Max X <<
"The last Max film," rasps Sheep! "Although not
the last film I'll ever make..."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Branding

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Driven to Madness

We wanted to know what drives you up the wall
these days. Beyond Comic Sans, that is:
http://b3ta.com/questions/driventomadness/

Here's a top 0x0A:

* People who talk during a film.
* Women who shriek when they meet.
* Wheelie luggage twats.
* People who pout in photos.
* God botherers.
* Litter louts.
* Those bastards who put coffee in the sugar.
* Men that tell you what women like.
* People who use hexadecimal by default.

... and ...

* HKLP: "Holds Knife Like Pen"

>> This Week - THE BEST THING I'VE BUILT <<
What have you made that makes you proud? It
doesn't have to work, just make you feel good.
http://b3ta.com/questions/bestthingivebuilt/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> We really want a 3D printer <<
Listening to the 80s pop song Twist in my
Sobriety the other day and noticed a pretty and
delightfully melancholy oboe part. Googling the
player we've found he's called Malcolm Messiter
and has recently been using a 3D printer to mend
his harpsichord. What a chap.
http://bit.ly/TlucPq

>> Robot cloud analyser <<
In some wondrous meeting of science and whimsy
the Pareidolic Robot spends its time scanning
clouds for formations that look like faces.
Would it spoil the magic to make it look for
sky cocks?
http://www.di12.rca.ac.uk/projects/pareidolic-robot/

>> Film versus Music <<
Website randomly links a scene from a film to a
random bit of music. Yakety Sax vs Commando
worked well for us. In fact anything with Yakety
Sax added is immediately funny - the more
serious the source material the better.
http://film-v-music.com/

>> One night stand schadenfreude <<
A site where women can put up texts from men to
ask "what do they mean?" Here's a tip - when
people don't make an effort to re-connect, 99
times out of a 100 they aren't bothered. Painful
to read.
http://hetexted.com/

>> How much do cats actually kill?? <<
A lot apparently. They are murdering shits who
murder shit.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/cats_actually_kill

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Because YouTube needs more traffic

>> Hate mail <<
The Dalai Farmer writes: "This project from
misterbingo sends beautifully-crafted abuse to
people via the near-forgotten medium of
postcard. Some of the brilliantly abusive
content is shown off in this video which no
doubt has b3ta appeal." Long but rather
interesting.
http://vimeo.com/34951319/

Dalai also writes: "Oh and further to my
previous email, he has a book out with a
selection of delicious abuse within."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0718159039/b3ta-21

>> Alcohol Vaporizer Bong <<
If you're bored with the necessity of having to
drink alcohol maybe you'd like to try inhaling
it instead? Apparently gets you drunk very
quickly with the added fun of increased risk of
acute alcohol poisoning. Have fun kids and don't
drink the liquid nitrogen cocktails on Freshers
Week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zs2CjmOvqSA

>> Bottles Beware! <<
Be-bearded fatty strikes fear into the hearts of
water containers everywhere, with his quick-draw
sword and knife techniques. Why is it always
water in these vids - surely a huge balloon of
blood would be more impressive? Also, he is very
fast with a sword and very, very fat.
http://b3ta.com/links/Bottles_Beware

>> The shape of a sound <<
Salt, sprinkled on a vibrating tray, forms very
different patterns, depending on the pitch of
the sound - surprisingly quickly, too.
http://youtu.be/DGSU5rcHmRQ

>> Slowed-down Babies <<
Giggling toddler, at half-speed, sounds like an
over-enthusiastic and slow-witted giant man.
Still infectious though. When it comes to
crying, one commenter sums it up best as "sounds
like generic retarded cyclops."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf-axyR2z5w
http://bit.ly/Tlup5d

>> Peculiar anime duet <<
No idea what's going on here, but it's highly
odd and rather enjoyable.
http://b3ta.com/links/_:99

>> Bad Lip Reading Presidential debate <<
The Bad Lip Reading crew turn Obama and Romney's
head-to-head into a beautiful, surreal musical.
"I'm not a robot. I wish...!"
http://b3ta.com/links/Eye_of_the_Sparrow

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Redefining funny as unfunny since 1973

* SINGAPORE LADY - we just hope she brushes her
teeth.
http://www.nie.edu.sg/profile/chew-shit-fun

* COCK CHEM - K2k6 writes, "Part of my job
involves testing materials for polycyclic
aromatic hydrocarbons such as
benzo(k)fluoranthene. To the untrained eye, its
chemical structure just looks like, well, a
chemical structure. But to a b3tard..."
http://www.chemspider.com/Chemical-Structure.8804.html

* THORNTONS FUN - wideeye writes, "Saw this in
my local co-op... Interesting phrasing there, Mr
Thornton."
http://bit.ly/PrPfUZ

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: FRIDAY GAME
Draw your own computer game

Deceptively simple playing fields and controls -
mindless fun ensues - we like it mainly for the
DIY art, extremely reminiscent of Line Rider
circa 2006 - but executed using HTML5 canvas
stuff which means Adobe hate it and will cry
flash vector tears if you play it.
http://canvasrider.com/tracks

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Make unhappy endings happy - the results!

Your favourites included:

* HAPPY SE7ENTH BIRTHDAY! What's in the box?
(HappyToast)
http://b3ta.com/board/10857705

* ROBOT POSTS JOKE ON FACEBOOK - satire totally
unconnected to us. (Monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/10860230

* AND THEY ALL SHINED ON - if only Kubrick had
lived to make this director's cut. (Brian
O'Blivion)
http://b3ta.com/board/10858600

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/happy-unhappy/

>> New challenge: New torture devices <<
This week's challenge is to invent new and
painful ways of extracting information from
people. Make these foul contraptions as
revolting, unlikely and cruel as possible.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/torture/popular/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* iPHONE KEYBOARD BLOKE GETS KICKSTARTER CASH -
Craig Rothwell writes, "It looks like it could
hit $200k which is just amazing and $50k over
what we had hoped for. Those of you who
supported us early on really helped get the
momentum going! Kickstarter is an amazing
resource for start ups. I really think it will
change how small businesses are funded when it
launches in the UK. If you have an idea, I'd
start planning your project now - the first ones
on the UK site are bound to get enormous press
attention."
http://kck.st/PpPyKw

Also Craig mentions, "I made an alternative
video for it too, which we didn't use (for
obvious reasons) but which is more entertaining:"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWAOQW5yGZY

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* SOLUTIONS TO FACIAL HAIR - shaving is just so
1990s.

* LEARNING TO SEE UNDERWATER - we're convinced
if we swim enough underwater we'll get better at
it. Have any of you done this?

* A USE FOR HEAD-LICE - we've got loads of them.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

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Bumchums : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Bumbastards: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by *redacted* & David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by tubaman, murray,
UltimateMonkey, skeltonator, Tusk, Herb Alpert's
Taxi Driver, ok, chompedhomas, Linbox, haxworth.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is
QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Munsta.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Take lots of exercise and eat properly. The list
of problems it helps with is almost limitless;
depression, not being able to sleep, anxiety,
confidence, longevity, heart disease. You name
it basically. You mum was right.

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Mittwoch, 10. Oktober 2012

VOL 1154 - Oct 10, 2012 - Strange Southern Drawl Words Translated

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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OCTOBER SPECIALS

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/news_9053.html
STRANGE PET CEMETERIES & TOMBSTONES

http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/news_8100.html
RALLY CARS & TRUCKS - WHEELS OFF THE GROUND!

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/news_10053.html
DOGS TAKING A RIDE - ON MOTORCYCLE AND IN CARS AND TRUCKS!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_10623.html
WHAT IS SEXIER THAN LEOPARD SKIN TOPS - BIKINI'S - DRESSES?

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_10833.html
STRANGE VEHICLES - BUBBLE TOPS - SHAPES - BOATS - BUBBLE BODY STYLES - LIMOS!

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Strange "Why I'm So Great" quotes:

I'm the Connie Francis of rock 'n' roll. - Elton John

I mean, it's unheard of for somebody to hit 70 home runs, so I'm like in awe of myself right now. - St. Louis Cardinals slugger Mark McGwire after finishing the baseball season with a two-homer day, giving him a record 70 for the year. Sept. 27, 1998.

I say I'm Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin all wrapped up into one. If I die early ... I'll be just like those guys. - Dennis Rodman, 1997

I'm not an egomaniac like a lot of people say. But I am the world's best dancer, that's for sure. - Michael Flatley

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults. - David Lee Roth

I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man. - Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher. - Linda Evangelista, 1997

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Southern Drawl Words Translated

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or y'allbonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools.

The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage "Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow. "Usage "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) -- a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage "Just set that bare rat cheer."

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage "He's did, Jim."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen. Usage "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction. Usage "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."
SEED - (verb) -- past tense of "to see".

VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE EUROPEAN CLASSICS - 1938 PEUGEOT 402 ECLIPSE DECAPOTEABLE - STRANGE CONVERTIBLE HARD TOP FLIPS INTO TRUNK - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/185046.html

STRANGE SPIDERMAN CUSTOM CAR - SPIDEY CAR - INCREDIBLE PAINT JOB - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/185282.html

MAN HAS REALLY EVOLVED AS COMPARED TO SAVAGES AND ABORIGINES - WELL MAYBE KNOW - SCARY SPIKEY HAIR! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/185285.html

SCARY CELEBRITY MUG SHOTS OF SOME OF THE BEST MUSICIANS AND ROCK STAR IN HISTORY! - FROM FRANK SINATRA TO ELVIS AND ON TO TODAY - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/185286.html

STRANGE MILITARY DISPLAY - 1915 AUXILIARY REMOUNT DEPOT NO 326, CAMP CODY, DEMING NEW MEXICO - 650 OFFICERS AND ENLISTED MEN - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/185287.html

STRANGE FORMULA 1 RACING GEAR AND TEAMS - FACT SHEET ON TECHNOLOGY - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/185095.html

STUPID TRAFFIC TRICKS - MOTORCYCLIST TRIES TO SNEAK BETWEEN CARS IN TRAFFIC JAM - GETS NAILED BY CAR CHANGING LANES! - OUCH! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/185289.html

STRANGE MULTI LEVEL FLOATING ISLAND VACATION HOME - DON'T LIKE THE VIEW? JUST MOVE YOUR ISLAND! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/185290.html

STRANGE OLDE RUSSIAN MILITARY EQUIPMENT GRAVEYARD - HELICOPTERS - TANKS - FUEL VEHICLES - SCOUT VEHICLES - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/185291.html

STRANGE OLDE MOVIE STARZ - HOT MAMIE VAN DOREN - WASHING THE WHITE WALLS OF HER FANCY SPORTS CAR WITH WIRE WHEELS - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/185292.html

NFL FOOTBALLER CELEBRATION FAIL - SPIKES THE BALL WHICH BOUNCES UP INTO HIS CROTCH JUST AS OPPONENT DECKS HIM! - ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/185293.html

BRONC RIDER HANGS ON TIGHT TO BUCKING BRONCO - TAIL FLYING! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/185109.html

STRANGE OLDE BUSES AND OBSERVATION VEHICLES - 1954 CITROEN U55 CURRUS CITYRAMA DOUBLE DECKER BUS - USED IN PARIS DURINF 1950-60'S - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/185294.html

STRANGE AUTO ACCESSORIES - CUSTOM GOLD STEERING WHEEL - TWO 45 CALIBER AUTOMATICS FORM THE INSIDES - IF YOU HONK THE HORN WHAT HAPPENS? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/184998.html

TITANIC MAIDEN VOYAGE 3RD CLASS STEERAGE TICKET! APRIL 10, 1912 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/185261.html

AMAZING ANIMAL CAMOUFLAGE - OWL BLENDS IN PERFECTLY WITH TREE BARK WHILE SITTING ON A BRANCH! - WOW! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/185295.html

WHERE'S WALDO - TEXAS A&M FOOTBALL STADIUM FILLED TO CAPACITY - YOU FIND HIM - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/185296.html

STRANGE DEFENSEIVE PRODUCTS - DON'T LET THEM SNATCH YOUR iPONE 5 - ATTACHABLE BRASS KNUCKLES! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/185300.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - WATER SPORTS - SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING - DIVING - SURFING - KAYAK

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100661_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange IgNobel Awards Honor 'Dead' Man, Murphy's Law - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/185262.html

Jokes About Canada and Those Goofy Canadians - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/120729.html

Strange Actual Calls to Information in England - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125486.html

You Might Be A Physics Major if........... - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/127882.html

Strange English For Tourists - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/103452.html

Strange Laws Around The World - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/104346.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SS - WATER SPORTS - SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING - DIVING - SURFING - KAYAK

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!
a

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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Sonntag, 7. Oktober 2012

VOL 1153 - Oct 07, 2012 - 33 Strange Erudite Concepts

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

OCTOBER SPECIALS

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/news_225.html
MILITARY MAGIC - THE AMAZING BLUE ANGELS & THUNDERBIRDS

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/news_454.html
DOGS DOING WHAT DOGS DO - CAUSING TROUBLE !

http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/news_321.html
SLIPPING AND SLIDING - WINTER SPORTS FUN

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_1684.html
STRANGE TRICYCLES & UNICYCLES & BIKE STUFF

http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/news_10835.html
CLASSIC OLDE CARS - 1950'S - 1960'S RARE CONCEPT CARS - FEW SEEN BEFORE!

==================================

Strange Golf Quotes:

These greens are so fast, I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
~ George Brett

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray

The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
~ Mickey Mantle

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
~ Kevin Costner

I don't fear death..., but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Erudite Concepts

STRANGE ERUDITE CONCEPTS

If you're not familiar with the work of Boswell D. Rabbitsmith, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems: (He also makes his living as a comedian by the name of Steve Wright....)

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not being smart enough to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... so far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death...twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

For ALL 33 go here:
http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/159170.html#theContent

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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CRAZY CROC PROBLEMS - FROM CROCODILES TO HUGE BLOW UP CROC SHOES! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/185269.html

STRANGE WORLD RECORD HOLDERS - MAN HAS THE LONGEST EAR HAIR EVER! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/185270.html

STRANGE HIGH TECH MEETS LOW TECH - iPAD WITH STANDARD MANUEL TYPEWRITER KEYBOARD! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/185271.html

STRANGE ALCOHOL USAGE CHART - HOW MUCH CAN YOU HOLD? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/185027.html

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE - THIS CRAZY LADIES LONG NAILS MAKE PLAYING THE PIANO IMPOSSIBLE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/185272.html

STRANGE BUSINESS ADVERTISING - JUST A WHIFF OF GRANDMA'S MUFFIN WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL! MEN FROM ALL OVER KNEW IT? - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/185273.html

STRANGE WOODEN BOAT SHAPED TOURING CAR IN FRONT OF WASHINGTON DC FEDERAL BUILDING - NOTE THE CANNONS AND ANCHOR BUMPERS! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/185274.html

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STRANGE TRAVEL LOCATIONS - STRANGE LITTLE TURNIP ROCK-ISLAND - 2 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/184995.html

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FIRST WALMART OPENED BY SAM WALTON 1962 - WALTON FIVE AND DIME! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/185260.html

1958 CUSTOM CORVETTE - AMAZING PAINT & PIPES - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/185045.html

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==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

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==================================

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- Strange But "Punny" Puns - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/138774.html

- Strange Things a True Southerner Knows… - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/138816.html

- 25 Strange Resume' Blunders - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/139080.html

==================================

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==================================

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Mittwoch, 3. Oktober 2012

VOL 1152 - Oct 03, 2012 - 9 Strange Uses for Beer

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

OCTOBER SPECIALS

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/news_5446.html
STRANGE CHURCH "MARQUEE'S" AND SIGNS

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/news_3423.html
STRANGE 'SHORT & TALL PEOPLE FROM AROUND THE WORLD

http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/news_7824.html
CHECK OUT THE NEW CELEBS CATEGORY - TV NEWSCASTERS - ANCHORS & PUNDITS! FOXY BLONDES

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/news_3126.html
DRIVING WHILE 'BLONDE' - 'SPECIAL' BLONDE ONLY EVENTS

==================================

Strange Olde Celeb Quotes:

She's got a great looking husband, a little boy and all the money in the world. She hasn't got the looks, but you can't have everything. -- Jordan (on Victoria Beckham, Posh Spice)

I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair. -- Bette Davis (Cabin in the Cotton, 1932)

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up. -- Dean Martin

Joan Collins unfortunately can't be with us tonight. She's busy attending the birth of her next husband. -- John Parrott

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money. -- Kevin Meaney

He must be the only man alive who can eat an apple through a tennis racket. -- Gary Lineker (during the 2002 World Cup, on Ronaldo)

I am definitely not scared of Mike Tyson. I am at the top of the food chain and he is looking to knock me off. Mike's an arrogant imbecile. He sounds like a cartoon character. -- Lennox Lewis

He'd make a lovely corpse.-- Charles Dickens (Martin Chuzzlewit, Chapter 25)

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees. -- Joan Rivers (on Marie Osmond)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - 9 Strange Uses for Beer

There are many different uses for beer besides getting drunk.

There are many useful uses for beer besides drinking it and having fun. Most of us just enjoy drinking beer, but the truth is, it can be used in a variety of different ways. Especially when you don't want to throw away any extra beer you have. Here are just 9 examples of what you can do with them.

1. Marinate meat in it - Use beer instead of wine to marinate your meat. Not only does it taste better, but it also makes the meat softer and more tender.

2. Help grass grow easier - pour beer on those irritating brown spots on your lawns to help your grass grow. The grass absorbs the nutrients, sugar and energy it needs to be able to grow.

3. Kill slugs & snails - Fill containers or wide-mouthed bottles or something of the sort with beer about a quarter to half way up. Then bury these in your garden. The slugs or snails will be attracted to them and drown.

4. Kill mice - This may sound a little far-fetched but fill a bucket or pail up about a third of the way with cheap beer with a board or something leading to the rim at the top. The mice, smelling this, will jump in, and not be able to climb out.

5. Calm a stomach-ache - Just sit down and drink a beer. This carbonated drink will settle your stomach right down. The alcohol helps reduce the pain as well. Don't use if you have an ulcer or gastritis.

6. Polish gold - Wet a piece of cloth with some beer and start rubbing your gold (no stones) to get the shine back. Use a second cloth to dry it.

7. Bathe in it - Add a few cans of beer into your bath. Believe it or not, it will do you good. The yeasts are good for softening and soothing the skin.

8. Polish wood furniture - Let some beer sit until it goes flat, then, dampen a washcloth with it, and rub your wooden furniture. This will polish it, and give it a more shiny and healthy look.

9. Cook with it - When boiling shrimp, try using beer for the cooking liquid. Season as you wish, but don't overcook.

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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Sonntag, 30. September 2012

VOL 1151 - Sept. 30, 2012 - Strange Oxy-Moronic Questions

Mittwoch, 26. September 2012

VOL 1150 - Sept. 26, 2012 - Strange Office Fun - Top 25 Office Inspirational Posters

Sonntag, 23. September 2012

VOL 1149 - Sept. 23, 2012 - How 10 American Towns Got Their Strange Names

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

---------------------------------------

SEPTEMBER SPECIALS

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Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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------------------------

NEW FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE ON STRANGE WEBSITES - THE MOST POPULAR GROUP TOPICS/PICTURES OF THE WEEK - 30 Pictures Per Group:

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==================================

Strange Quotes About US Cities:

"If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later." - Will Rogers

"New York, the nation's thyroid gland." - Christopher Morley

"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees." - David Letterman

"Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors." - Walter Winchell

"Loving Chicago is like loving a woman with a broken nose." - Nelson Algren

"Chicago - a pompous Milwaukee." - Leonard Louis Levinson

"Aside from the murders, DC has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." - Marion Barry

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - How 10 American Towns Got Their Strange Names

How 10 American Towns Got Their Strange Names

1. Hell, Michigan

If you've always wanted to see Hell freeze over, visit this place in winter, when the Highland Lake dam often gets icy enough to stop the water flow. In summer, when temperatures are moderate, the town has a "Satan's Holidays" festival and a road race called "Run to Hell." In October is the "Halloween in Hell" Celebration. The town got its name in 1841, when George Reeves, an early settler in this low, swampy place in southeast Michigan, was asked what the thought the town should be named. "I don't care," Reeves said. "You can name it 'Hell' if you want to."

2. Slapout, Alabama

Oscar Peeples, the town grocer in the early 1900s, was forever waiting on customers who asked for things he didn't have. "I'm slap out of it," Peeples would say. This central Alabama community, north of Montgomery, is now little more than a crossroads, with a church, bank, barber shop, and the tumbledown remains of Peeples' old store.

3. Noodle, Texas

In the late 1800s, Texans often used the word noodle to mean "nothing," which is exactly what they found when they arrived at this locale near Abilene. Now there are two churches, a store and an old gin.

For nearly a century, the population has held steady at about 40 people.

4. Joe, Montana

When quarterback Joe Montana signed on with the Kansas City Chiefs in 1993, a Missouri radio station urged the folk of Ismay, in southeast Montana near the North Dakota border, to change the town's name to "Joe." The sports-minded citizenry, all 22 of them, voted in favor of the change, and a new industry was born. In fact, money raised from selling, "Joe, Montana" souvenirs enabled the town to build a new fire station.

5. Lizard Lick, North Carolina

Since 1972, the residents of this town, 16 miles east of Raleigh, have held lizard races every fall to herald the farming community's unusual name. It dates back to the days when the area was home to a federally operated liquor still, and lizards were brought in to cut down on the insects. Traveling salesman noticed the creatures and dubbed the community Lizard Lick.

6. Chicken, Alaska

The village, in the Alaskan wild near the Canadian border, is named for a bird, but not the one you think. In the late 1800s, gold miners found a reliable meal in the abundance of ptarmigan, a grouse-like critter whose white feathers make it look, from a distance, like a chicken. When the townsfolk decided to incorporate in 1902, none of them knew how to spell ptarmigan. So they went with the look-alike Chicken to avoid the jokes of misspelled name would incur. Unfortunately, poultry jokes now abound. The town has a full-time population of about 30 people and mail delivery every Tuesday and Friday. There's a saloon, but no telephones or central plumbing. Incidentally, the ptarmigan is now the Alaska state bird.

7. Spot, Tennessee

A dot in the road about an hour west of Nashville, Spot was named by a sawmill operator who was always writing folks about business. One day, pen in hand, the sawmill operator sat at his desk, worrying over a letter from postal authorities wanting to know what to call the town. A spot of ink dropped onto the sawmill operator's white stationery, and the town had its name. By town, we mean a couple of houses and a ramshackle store.

8. Peculiar, Missouri

In the spring of 1868, Postmaster E.T. Thomson decided to name his town "Excelsior," but postal officials told him it was already taken. Thomson reapplied with new names, and received the same response time after time. Exasperated, he finally told postal officials to assign the town a unique name, one that was "sort of peculiar." Peculiar, near the Kansas border just south of Kansas City, is home to about 1,800 people.

9. Zap, North Dakota

A Northern Pacific Railroad official, in charge of naming settlements on the line, named Zap after Zapp, Scotland, because both places had coal mines. The city, about 15 miles south of Lake Sakakawea, encompasses one square mile and is home to about 300.

10. Embarrass, Minnesota

If faces are red here, it's only because the town - 205 miles north of St. Paul - is typically the coldest spot in the continental United States. The midwinter temperature often drops to -60 °F, and snow has been known to fall in June. The name comes from early settlers, who used the French word for obstacle - embarrass - to describe the hardships they faced in the frigid territory. Today, the population is largely Finnish. They celebrate their thriving community with a Finnish-American Festival every summer.

And Don't Forget ...

Think the preceding towns have nutty names? Here are some more:

- Idiotville, Oregon
- Knockemstiff, Ohio
- Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky
- Satan's Kingdom, Vermont
- Toad Suck, Arkansas

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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