Vol 858 - Dec. 09, 2009 - You Just Might Be A Scrooge if...

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

Time for something NEW - we never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

IT'S STRANGE! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.thetoiletpaper.com/?ref=30215

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Drinking" Quotes:L

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may ca use pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - You Just Might Be A Scrooge...

If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon -- you just might be a Scrooge

If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away -- you just might be a Scrooge

If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas -- you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson -- you just might be a Scrooge

If you get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night -- you just might be a Scrooge

If you give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts -- you just might be a Scrooge

If your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon - you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park - you just might be a Scrooge

If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log -you just might be a Scrooge

If you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie -- you just might be a Scrooge

If your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat - you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by OJ Simpson -- you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite past time is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors' string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn caricatures with egg nog - you just might be a Scrooge

And, finally - if your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin - you just might be a Scrooge

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE OLDE STARS - WHERE ARE THEY NOW? THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY - SUSAN DEY - LAURIE PARTRIDGE - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/158110.html

AMAZING WATERMELON CARVING & DECORATING - BIRD & TURTLE - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/158337.html

US NAVY F-4 PHANTOMS ESCORT RUSSIAN TU-95 OVER USS KITTY HAWK - COLD WAR FLY BY 1964 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/158167.html

BRITNEY SPEARS - HIGHLIGHTS & LOWLIGHTS FROM 1997 TO TODAY - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/158370.html

STRANGE MEN THE BECAME BEAUTIFUL FEMALES - 15 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/158383.html

BEST/WORST CHRISTMAS YARD DECORATION EVER! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/158399.html

DANGEROUS BRIDGE PROBLEM - CENTER SPAN OVER RIVER GONE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/158415.html

STRANGE TRIPLE BICYCLE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/158417.html

GREAT OLDE PICTURES SOUTHWEST INDIANS - COWBOYS - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/158237.html

STRANGE FISHING - HAWK CARRIES LARGE MOUTH BASS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/158416.html

F6 F-3 - FLYING OVER CALIFORNIA - 1943 - (COLOR PHOTO) - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/158240.html

STRANGE CANNED FOODS! - BUZZARD GIZZARDS - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/156920.html

STRANGE RAILROAD TRAINS - OVER HUGE BRIDGE IN EUROPE - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/158292.html

1959 CADILLAC ELDORADO CONVERTIBLE - RED - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/157152.html

THE CASUAL DOG - WHAT UP HOMEY? - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/157317.html

STRANGE FUTURE AUTOS - 1 - COOL PICKUP - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/157808.html

TRACTOR PULL PROBLEM - OUT OF CONTROL! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/157885.html

STRANGE OBITUARIES - JAMES WILLIAM ADAMS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/157911.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - OLD Airline Ad Campaigns - Hot Stewardesses - "Fly Me" - When Flying was still FUN!

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/100671_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Facts About The Human Body - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/158365.html

Strange Facts About 1909 vs Today! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/158366.html

9 Strange Animals That Ran for Government - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/158211.html

Would You Get Married Again Asks Wife? Golf Story - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/158400.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - OLD Airline Ad Campaigns - Hot Stewardesses - "Fly Me" - When Flying was still FUN!

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/121_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

Time for something NEW! - We never disappoint!

Trapped at the office waiting for happy hour can be a snoozefest. No more. The Toilet Paper is daily email newsletter delivers the most shocking quotes, stats, facts, and lists about one noteworthy news topic each day. Laser sharp, bust out funny, and not afraid to cross the line. Sign up to make this happy hour part of your routine.

IT'S STRANGE! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.thetoiletpaper.com/?ref=30215

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 857 - Dec. 06, 2009 - The Top 15 Forgotten Olde Tyme Christmas Carols

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW THIS WEEK - GAMES! - GAMES! - GAMES!

WE JUST ADDED 28 BRAND NEW FUN GAMES! CHECK OUT THE NEW GAMES TAB
ON THE NAVIGATION BAR. IT WILL TAKE YOU TO HOURS OF FUN!

CHECKOUT CUBE CRASHER - OUTBACK OLYMPICS - WORD DROP - PIG RACE!
ESPECIALLY FUN IS 'BAILOUT DEFENDER' - SHOOT DOWN BOMB BELTED
FLYING PIGS TRYING TO BLOW UP OBAMA IN AIR FORCE ONE AS HE
TOSSES OUT MONEY TO THE MASSES!

IT'S A BLAST! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.strangefunkidz.com/static/games.html

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Christmas Quotes

"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want-and their kids pay for it." - Rixhard Lamm

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -- they have no holidays." Henny Youngman

"Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Football Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence." Erma Bombeck

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Top 15 Forgotten Olde Tyme Christmas Carols

15 Pestilence Is Comin' to Town

14 Do You Smell What I Smell?

13 Blood Let Ye Merry Gentlemen

12 Giveth Thy Caroling Neighbors Money, or We'll Tell the Towne of Thy Predilection for Farme Animals

11 Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire

10 Daddy Lost His Fingers A-Makin' the Christmas Sausage

9 All I Want for Christmas is my Grog and Mead

8 Espied Have I Father Christmas and My Mother Dear Under the Candled Tree Embracing Nakedly

7 Joy to the World, Flat Disk That It Is

6 Best Friggin' Leave Some Friggin' Cookies for Santa This Friggin' Year, Ye Friggin' Ingrates

5 We Three Moyles of Orient Are

4 The Cloven Hoofe of a Reindeer Hath Laid My Mother's Mother to her Rest

3 Wake Up, Ye Merry Gentlemen -- My Husband Hath Arriveth Home Early!

2 Oh, Who Shall Cut the Christmas Cheese?

..and the Number 1 Forgotten Olde Tyme Christmas Carol...

1 Mistletoe, Schmistletoe: If I Feel Thy Tongue, Thy Head Will Roll

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

V-22 OSPREY - NOSE ON! - CHECKING OUT THE BEACH! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/158164.html

STRANGE LIGHTNING OVER AIR CRAFT CARRIER DECK LOADED WITH MILITARY JETS - A-6 INTRUDERS - F-18'S - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/158166.html

SEXY SURFER GIRLS PLAYING IN THE CURLS - HANGIN' 5! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/158184.html

STRANGE PET CEMETERIES & TOMBSTONES - TAIWAN - SMALL CRYPTS FOR ASHES - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/156636.html

RARE LIFE MAGAZINE HITLER 3rd REICH COLOR PHOTOS - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/158235.html

WWII - AERIAL PHOTO OF BERKENAU EXTERMINATION COMPLEX - OSWIECIM, POLAND - 5-31-44 - http://www.strangmilitary.com/content/item/158239.html

STRANGE CANNED FOODS! - POWERED HORSE MILK! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/156918.html

STRANGE RAILROAD TRAINS - GRAIN ELEVATOR - MODEL T TRUCK - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/158291.html

STRANGE BLONDES - LOOKING FOR TIGER! - BIG LIPS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/158298.html

STRANGE WEATHER VANES AROUND THE WORLD - DAIRY COW - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/157290.html

RARE STARWARS SCENES & CHARACTERS - WOOKIE FAMILY - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/158307.html

STRANGE & GOOFY CAKES - 17TH B-DAY - UNDERWARE? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/157632.html

STRANGE & UNUSUAL ROCK FORMATIONS - WAVE ROCK - AUSTRALIA - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/157647.html

STRANGE & UNUSUAL BOOKENDS - SUPERHEROS! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/157729.html

HARVEST TIME! 30 - COMBINES CLEAR THE WHEAT FIELD! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/158314.html

ELEPHANT ON THE RAMPAGE ! DESTROYS VAN - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/158315.html

LOGGING THE OLD FASHIONED WAY - BUCK SAWS & WEDGES! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/158316.html

STRANGE SPORTS UNIFORMS - CRAZY SOCCER OUTFIT - HIDE YOUR FACE! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/158317.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - ST - Strange Food & Eating Related Problems - Fast Food - Culinary Issues

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/category/100583_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Silly Riddles - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/158148.html

Blonde With Strange Password - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/158149.html

One Liners - aka Groaners! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/158162.html

Tiger Woods Jokes - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/158215.html

7 Strange Beliefs About Sleep - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/157971.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - ST - Strange Food & Eating Related Problems - Fast Food - Culinary Issues

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/category/121_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

NEW THIS WEEK - GAMES! - GAMES! - GAMES!

WE JUST ADDED 28 BRAND NEW FUN GAMES! CHECK OUT THE NEW GAMES TAB
ON THE NAVIGATION BAR. IT WILL TAKE YOU TO HOURS OF FUN!

CHECKOUT CUBE CRASHER - OUTBACK OLYMPICS - WORD DROP - PIG RACE!
ESPECIALLY FUN IS 'BAILOUT DEFENDER' - SHOOT DOWN BOMB BELTED
FLYING PIGS TRYING TO BLOW UP OBAMA IN AIR FORCE ONE AS HE
TOSSES OUT MONEY TO THE MASSES!

IT'S A BLAST! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.strangefunkidz.com/static/games.html

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "I've finished all the chocs in my advent calendar; why the fuck isn't it Xmas?"

 

This Week:
* WORLDFACE - Like Facebook but with countries
* KUNT - He's back with 'wank fantasy'
* CHERYL COLE - Our new twitter friend

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | rainforests...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| for match wood."

B3ta email 407 - 4 Dec 2009

Read this with The Mission's Wayne Hussey:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue407/

Friend: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unfriend: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Frankie Boyle - My Shit Life So Far

Probably the best-named autobiography ever.
Buy it.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0007324499/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Disaster, Politics, Wanking and Sex

>> Worldface <<
"There have been social networking satires
before," brags Mike Fishcake. "But this one
isn't shit!" Phil Fishcake has made a comedy
Facebook for countries. Even better, it's
interactive and you can suggest your own
statuses but "shit ones will be kicked in the
face," warns a stern Mike.
http://www.worldface.co.uk/

>> Wank fantasy <<
"There's a new vid just this second gone up on
youTube for our song 'wank fantasy'," explains
Kunt. "It features a real page 3 glamour lady
in it and everything." Not safe for work. BTW:
Kunt has asked us not to mention the awesome
secret gig he is doing this weekend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1-FfRFFGW0

>> Hollywood vs New York <<
Fire, floods and gigantic space-lizards - not
David Icke's brain, but Goodiebag Kirby with a
musical montage of Hollywood's long love affair
with New York. Exciting stuff!
http://www.goodiebag.tv/2009/11/hollywood-vs-new-york/

>> I Make the Girls <<
"I was recently approached by a rapper wanting
a video for his new 'sensual' track," explains
Jamwire. "I responded with this
delicately-constructed pastiche charting the
virile young wordsmith's love encounters. The
jury's still out." There's something that just
sings out to us about this level of contempt
for the client! NSFW due to cut-out sexual
antics.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mr_Drastick_I_Make_the_Girls

-------------------------------------------------

: SICKIPEDIA COMEDY NIGHT 2.0

The night that should NEVER happen is back…

This Wednesday is the second Sickipedia Comedy
Night, at the Old Blue Last in sunny
Shoreditch. Stuff will be kicking off about
8pm. and if it's anything like the last one,
it'll be packed out with excited people and Rob
will be sweating bullets in case one of the
comics up there gets us all beaten up and
thrown out. Awesome.

The line-up features returning favourites
tricyclic_looper and mushybees along with Joel
Veitch, Jewish Nazi, David Stevenson and new
faces Dan Pearce, Boyce Bailey, Michael J, Nick
James, Richard Tingley, Robert Auton, Jay Rolfe
and Jeremy Gomez. We literally have no clue
what almost any of these people will do, which
is how we like it.
http://snurl.com/sickipedia20

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Cliff Richard posters! Yays! <<
1. Choose a 'celebrity' - we like Cliff.
2. Write abusive message which transposes
itself in style of celebrity's handwriting.
3. Right-click and save
4. Send picture of Cliff Richard calling them a
fat knacker to friend.
5. Joy.
BTW: This censors works like homo and gay, but
not twat.
http://www.universalposter.com/

>> The joy of work <<
A blog about the fun of having a completely
insane boss. Good if you're in any mood to do
long read-y things.
http://goodaftermornings.blogspot.com/

>> Temporary ski-jumps <<
Back in olden times there was a craze for
building temporary ski-jumps in sporting
stadiums. They look pretty mental and should be
revived.
http://snurl.com/fuckinghell

>> Best Woolly Hat Ever <<
Does she look like a pokemon or a rapist? Or
both?
http://snurl.com/rapeywoo

>> Cheryl Kerl on twitter <<
Amusing spoof alert. Sample entry: "Joa's
soundin mint t'dee. Danii and Seimon's lookin
leik thor beuth stuffed an a coase Louis cannat
give a murnkey's chuff."
http://twitter.com/CherylKerl

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like gifs with sound

>> Hamster jazz <<
Cute viral for some bottled water company -
loving it for the simple, bold execution of the
idea. Just get some hamsters and some tiny
instruments, stick some jam on them and - with
a bit of editing - you have a hamster band.
Brilliant idea. Still, we bet the water smells
like a hamster's cage. HA! Take that marketing
people.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/D_Fluffeh

>> Henry 8.0 <<
Loving this sketch from the BBC / TV production
company Monkey. We've been quoting it literally
all week. "It's like crunchy air!" and "I want
a roast!" Proof that Brian Blessed will improve
any script by a factor of 100x.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/extra/video/p005bqp0

>> OK Go making of WTF video <<
Internet video-hit band OK Go explain how they
went about making their latest psychedelic
production. Switches rapidly between a green
room with some planks and full-on
insane-o-vision (tm). Impatient viewers may
want to skip the first minute or so.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNeItlrTdvY

>> Sex Offender Shuffle <<
A loveable posse of sex offenders dance and rap
about how nice they really are.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Sex_Offender_Shuffle

>> Font-based Lady Gaga parody <<
Exceptionally geeky homage to the Neutra
typeface inspired, obviously, by Lady Gaga's
Pokerface. Hot, hot nerd action.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHCu28bfxSI

>> I gotta feeling <<
Bloke wakes up covered in sick and tries to
piece together what happened at the party last
night, all via the medium of song.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_gotta_feeling

-------------------------------------------------

: THANKS FOR SHARING
Blind reader confesses his porn habits

bmustillrose writes -

"Hey, I figured I'd give you the lowdown on
what us blind folk have in the way of porn.

"Some of us like erotica like some (weird)
sighted people; this is purely text based and
can be found at sites like http://www.asstr.org
The main advantage to this is that you can read
it at a stupidly fast speed with your screen
off / not connected and no one will be able to
tell what you're doing; people have been known to
read it in classes. The obvious disadvantage is
that the voice that is depicting all this stuff
to you is usually a very robotic-sounding male;
I never understand how people can get off to this.

"What most people seem to like is audio
descriptions of sex scenes. There used to be a
site for this that tried to sell blind people
recordings of very unhot-sounding girls talking
about how they like to play with themselves but
thankfully it's no longer with us. An example of
something vaguely like it is the stuff that
pornfortheblind.org creates, for example this 2
girls 1 cup description at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EclaJ4THvEs
(Give it a bit of time to get going)

"Again, the problem with this is that it's even
more human-sounding males reading it, so you
might as well be wanking over 2 guys shitting
in a cup and eating it. The defunked
soundsdirty.com wasn't that much better because
all the girls had terrible voices; voice is
very important to me along with most blind
people.

"What I like to do, which not that many blind
people do for some reason, is to torrent a
normal porn film and then strip the video out
of it to save disk space. This way I get much
hotter-sounding girls, more realistic and
longer scenes plus the files are pretty small
since they're mp3s - although it's pretty crucial
that the actors are only girls.

"So there you go, perhaps the next time you
feel the urge you can try some of the ^ or at
the very least try cleaning up with your eyes
closed."

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Desktop Icon Challenge

Last week we wanted you to make art from your
desktop.

Your favourites included:

* PUNK - The Clash's classic Rock The Casbah
gets the Windows treatment (collapsibletank)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9811275

* 9/11 - Desktop terrorism as a carefully-aimed
gif brings chaos to New York City (Seaman
Gabber)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9810650

* STEGOSAURUS - jurassic-tastic rendering of
multi-coloured folder dinosaur (Mu)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9810285

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/desktop-art/

>> New challenge: Jesus On Tour <<
According to The News, Jesus may have visited
Britain. What did he come to see? Show us what
he got up to on our dingy island, or what he
might be doing now if he were to suddenly turn
up again. Challenge suggested by The Great
Architect.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/jesusUK/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* HIP-HOP ALBUM IN AN AFTERNOON - "Myself and
two friends got ruined in a village in Camborne
and recorded a Hip Hop LP in an afternoon,"
confesses Sadeagle. "It was all made up on the
spot and was recorded in a day." This is very
odd - the sound of three lads slowly getting
catastrophically stoned in Cornwall.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_will_probably_regret_this

* "DEAR HOME SECRETARY" - Swiftly becoming a
hip-hop Henry Root, here's Dan Bull with
another musical missive. This time he's ragging
on Alan Johnson, who is refusing to intervene
in the case of autistic hacker Gary McKinnon.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lo_Been_writing_more_letters

* AMAZON SPUNK - A while back we linked to a
book called 'Overcoming Obstacles with Spunk'.
Dave W writes to say, "It looks like several
b3tans have been busy 'helping' Amazon by
contributing suggestions for 'Tags Customers
Associate with This Product'. At this moment in
time the most popular tags are 'Monkey Custard'
and 'Population Paste', although 'Man Fat' and
'Bukkake' also make an appearance."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0981621023/b3ta-21

* HEROIN CHICKS - "I am totally creeped out by
the heroin chicks," writes Peter McKillon.
"Some wanker goes up to a half-presentable bird
with a heroin problem, and says, 'Here's some
smack, love. Now get your kit off and shoot up
for Mr Camera here.' Then he goes home, locks
himself in his room, loads up Photoshop, and
draws neat little black squares over their
crotches. WTF?? What twisted sense of
propriety is that?

"Here's the other thing that gets me. I looked
at all of them. Twice."

ROB SAYS: "Thanks for reminding me - I'll have
to look again now."

* MORE LIFT BUTTONS - "Your bit in the last
newsletter about whether pushing buttons would
speed up lifts reminded me of a story which
might be of interest," confides costas.

"I read about a company whose office lifts were
always attracting complaints. Workers kept
moaning to the Maintenance department that the
lifts were too slow, always took ages to
arrive, and could anything be done to speed
them up?

"Then one day the same department started
getting calls from people thanking them for
speeding the lifts up. People were delighted
that they now didn't have to wait as long for
the lifts to arrive. This baffled the
maintenance people, who'd done nothing. So they
went to investigate.

"They went to the lifts on the ground floor and
soon realised what had happened. That day,
they'd been installing some huge mirrors in the
toilets, and had left a couple propped up
against the wall by the lifts. People wanting a
lift would push the button, notice the mirrors,
then get so distracted as they preened
themselves that before they knew it, the lift
had arrived.

"All sorts of psychological experiments back
this up - People seem to lose track of time
when gazing at their beautiful phizzogs."

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* GLITTER SHITTER - DrPoppers writes, "I've
been thinking about Dr Gillian McKeith or as
she should technically be called, Gillian
McKeith. I want a b3tan to eat several sheets
of cake-decorating gold leaf and photograph
their own sparkly turds. It'd be great."

* KY ALTERNATIVES? - Jeff Balls writes, "We at
work were wondering what alternatives to
standard KY jelly b3ta people have used as lube
whilst having a quick Hilary Swank. Would WD 40
work?"

* CAFES TO ALWAYS SELL CHIPS - we just went to
a crap cafe for a hangover cure and they didn't
sell chips. There should be laws against this.
Cafes = chips.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Links via by Lamsicle, tacpprm, Neil
Stevenson, W00tmedia, The_Fiend, pissflaps,
@goodiebag, planearm. Subjlols via F0RDI3.
Sickipedia gag via the legendary
tricyclic_looper. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
bloke.

-------------------------------------------------

Remember – drinking alcohol can seriously harm
your baby. Especially if you're in Portugal and
can't be arsed to pay for a babysitter.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 856 - Dec. 02, 2009 - Strange Accident Claims in England

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW THIS WEEK - GAMES! - GAMES! - GAMES!

WE JUST ADDED 28 BRAND NEW FUN GAMES! CHECK OUT THE NEW GAMES TAB
ON THE NAVIGATION BAR. IT WILL TAKE YOU TO HOURS OF FUN!

CHECKOUT CUBE CRASHER - OUTBACK OLYMPICS - WORD DROP - PIG RACE!
ESPECIALLY FUN IS 'BAILOUT DEFENDER' - SHOOT DOWN BOMB BELTED
FLYING PIGS TRYING TO BLOW UP OBAMA IN AIR FORCE ONE AS HE
TOSSES OUT MONEY TO THE MASSES!

IT'S A BLAST! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.strangefunkidz.com/static/games.html

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About Life's Little Mysteries:

It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.
--Jimi Hendrix, Rolling Stone, December 2, 1976.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. - Carole Burnett

With all due respect to the world's great drummers - it ain't brain surgery. - Mickey Dolenz, 1996

Our bodies are just temporary vessels for our souls, which will go on forever. You really are an extension of the power that created the whole universe, no matter what drags you have on. - Ru Paul

If I hadn't been a woman, I'd have been a drag queen. - Dolly Parton

How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own? - -Zsa Zsa Gabor

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Accident Claims in England

These are some daft things whcih have been written on Insurance claim forms

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Travelled by bus?

A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo

"I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind".

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

"On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

"While proceeding through 'Monkey Jungle', the vehicle was enveloped by small fat brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown monkey (with buck teeth) proceeded to swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated requests to desist were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey disappeared in 'Monkey Jungle' clutching radio aerial."

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it".

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plans all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car"

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

NFL CHEERLEADER HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST - INDIAN MAIDEN - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/158084.html

BEAUTIFUL "FLOWER & PRODUCE" BOAT PARADE, HOLLAND - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/158099.html

STRANGE OLDE STARS - WHERE ARE THEY NOW? CAGNEY & LACEY - SHARON GLESS & TYNE DALY - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/158109.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - THE WALL - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/158137.html

STRANGE ALBINO ANIMALS - DEER PAIR - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/158018.html

STRANGE ALBINO ANIMALS - DOG - PINK EARS & NOSE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/158023.html

STRANGE SINGLE WHEEL MOTORCYCLE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/156839.html

STRANGE CANNED FOODS! - BAMBOO WORMS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/156917.html

STRANGE MICRO PIGS! - CUTE - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/158054.html

REAL STEAL - 30's, 40's 50's CUSTOM CARS - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/157230.html

LITTLE GATOR BABY EATS A SNACK - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/157463.html

COOL SPORTS PICTURES - GOOGLE REFLECTION OF SKI JUMP ABOUT TO HAPPEN! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/157483.html

CUTE LITTLE ARMY PUG - DRESSED TO KILL! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/157559.html

STRANGE & GOOFY CAKES - CRACK HEAD? - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/157628.html

1900 - BRITISH COLUMBIA LOGGING TRAIN USES LOGS AS TRACKS! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/157813.html

STRANGE LITTLE PINKY RING GUN! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/158070.html

STRANGE OBITUARIES - DOLORES AGUILAR - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/157909.html

TIGER WOODS FAMILY PICTURE & DOGS - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/158140.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - Strange Products - Gimmicks - Items - Inventions

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/100475_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

10 Strangest Celebrity Baby Names - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/157908.html

Kids to be THANKFUL for! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/157952.html

Strange Dragster Driver Nicknames! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/157996.html

-Top 50 OXYMORON'S - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/24844.html

-The Pweor of the hmuan mnid - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/24866.html

Chocolate Mathematics - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/101147.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Strange Products - Gimmicks - Items - Inventions

http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

NEW THIS WEEK - GAMES! - GAMES! - GAMES!

WE JUST ADDED 28 BRAND NEW FUN GAMES! CHECK OUT THE NEW GAMES TAB
ON THE NAVIGATION BAR. IT WILL TAKE YOU TO HOURS OF FUN!

CHECKOUT CUBE CRASHER - OUTBACK OLYMPICS - WORD DROP - PIG RACE!
ESPECIALLY FUN IS 'BAILOUT DEFENDER' - SHOOT DOWN BOMB BELTED
FLYING PIGS TRYING TO BLOW UP OBAMA IN AIR FORCE ONE AS HE
TOSSES OUT MONEY TO THE MASSES!

IT'S A BLAST! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.strangefunkidz.com/static/games.html

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 855 - Nov. 29, 2009 - Strange 'CAKE' Personality Test

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW THIS WEEK - GAMES! - GAMES! - GAMES!

WE JUST ADDED 28 BRAND NEW FUN GAMES! CHECK OUT THE NEW GAMES TAB
ON THE NAVIGATION BAR. IT WILL TAKE YOU TO HOURS OF FUN!

CHECKOUT CUBE CRASHER - OUTBACK OLYMPICS - WORD DROP - PIG RACE!
ESPECIALLY FUN IS 'BAILOUT DEFENDER' - SHOOT DOWN BOMB BELTED
FLYING PIGS TRYING TO BLOW UP OBAMA IN AIR FORCE ONE AS HE
TOSSES OUT MONEY TO THE MASSES!

IT'S A BLAST! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.strangefunkidz.com/static/games.html

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Business" Quotes:

"When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's composed of aluminum and vinyl." [Flugg]

"If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then add one more as an afterthought, he'll forget two of the first five." [Wives]

"Keep up with the Grabowskis . . . you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses." [Advice on Status]

"Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work."

"The dirt is also on the other side." [Frisk Principle of Window Cleaning]

"When all else fails, why not read the instructions?"

"We should refrain from making very harsh judgments of people just because they happen to be dirty, no-good s.o.b.s."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -'CAKE' Personality Test

Take this cake personality test; then, send this e-mail on to others.

When you send this e-mail on, put your cake in the subject box above. No cheating. Pick your cake then, look to see.

If you were buying a cake and you had your choice of the following, which would you choose:

Angel food

Brownies

Lemon Meringue

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing

Strawberry Short Cake

Chocolate on Chocolate

Ice Cream

Carrot Cake

NO...you can't change your mind once you scroll down So think carefully, what your choice will be!!!

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you:

Angel food ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being child-like and immature at times.

Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, &articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing ... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life, very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad, however, you are a friend for life.

Strawberry Short Cake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly-emotional and annoying at times.

Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

Ice Cream... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. ! People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE OLDE INVENTIONS & DEVICES FROM THE 1900's - LYRNAGAPHONE - 1929 - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/156422.html

STRANGE CANNED FOODS! - MOLE CRICKETS - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/156916.html

STRANGE WEATHER VANES AROUND THE WORLD - LOBSTER - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/157288.html

STRANGE JAPANESE CONCEPT CARS - FURAI - 1 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/157339.html

STRANGE PEACOCK SPIDER - 2 - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/157365.html

FLYING AIRCRAFT CARRIERS - USS MACON & USS AKRON - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/157384.html

STRANGE SOCCER ANIMATIONS - STRANGE DOUBLE HEAD BUTT - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/157414.html

STRANGE FUTURE AUTOS - 10 - RIMSPEED - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/157799.html

STRANGE TRUCKS - LONG LONG LOAD! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/157880.html

SWEET RIDES - AWESOME CUSTOM CARS! - PPS - PRESENTATION - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/157897.html

AMAZING AERIAL VIEW OF HONOLULU, WAIKIKI BEACH AND DIAMONDHEAD CRATER - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/157906.html

2010 BRABUS MERCEDES-BENZ VIANO LOUNGE VAN - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/157949.html

MORON ATTACHES RIDING TRACTOR TO CRANE TO TRIM TALL HEDGE! - 3 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/157967.html

BEFORE CELLPHONES & RADIO! - 1901 MAP OF TELEGRAPH AND SEA CABLE LINES! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/158013.html

STRANGE LIGHTNING SILHOUETTES F-18 SUPER HORNETS ON CARRIER DECK - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/158014.html

YOU'RE STANDING ON YOUR CONDO BALCONY AND SUDDENLY!!!!!!!!!! LOW F-16 - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/158015.html

LONGBOAT - NO REALLY - A LONG LONG BOAT! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/158017.html

CRAZY SPARKING MOTORCYCLE WHEEL-STAND - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/158016.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - SUBMARINES - SUB FACILITIES - TORPEDOES

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100633_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

10 Strangest Celebrity Endorsements - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/157907.html

If I Didn't Have a Dog ..... or Cat ... - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/157839.html

Teachers and Quick Witted Kids! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/157896.html

The Strange Sad History of "Taps" - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/157905.html

Ten Excuses for Missing Work - Five Smart, Five DUMB - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/122770.html

How to Speak Nuw Zulander .......... - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/123073.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY EQUIPMENT - SUBMARINES - SUB FACILITIES - TORPEDOES

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

New! --------------- NEW STRANGE WEBSITES!-------------------

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

-----------NEW -------------New! ---------------New! ----------

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

NEW THIS WEEK - GAMES! - GAMES! - GAMES!

WE JUST ADDED 28 BRAND NEW FUN GAMES! CHECK OUT THE NEW GAMES TAB
ON THE NAVIGATION BAR. IT WILL TAKE YOU TO HOURS OF FUN!

CHECKOUT CUBE CRASHER - OUTBACK OLYMPICS - WORD DROP - PIG RACE!
ESPECIALLY FUN IS 'BAILOUT DEFENDER' - SHOOT DOWN BOMB BELTED
FLYING PIGS TRYING TO BLOW UP OBAMA IN AIR FORCE ONE AS HE
TOSSES OUT MONEY TO THE MASSES!

IT'S A BLAST! CHECK IT OUT - CLICK ON THIS LINK!
http://www.strangefunkidz.com/static/games.html

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Free text file inside"

 

This Week:
* BOOZE - 100 shots in 100 mins
* SONG - Dear Mandy
* STAND UP - Your chance to do some comedy

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We lied about
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | saving the web"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|

B3ta pager bleep 406 - 27 Nov 2009

Read this issue twice:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue406/

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Subtypist: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Amazon Black Friday

Just got an email from Amazon mentioning that
today is "Black Friday", the busiest online
shopping day of the entire year. We guess it's
something to do with Christmas shopping and
that you all have no idea what to buy your
gran, so she ends up with the new Dan Brown and
an egg Breville. There's meant to be lots of
deals on but we're too half-arsed to write any
proper sales copy so this will have to do: go
consume worthless products gentle readers, as
pretty soon you'll be dead and there's no 15%
off in Hell. Linky goes to the brilliantly titled
book "Overcoming Obstacles with Spunk."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0981621023/b3ta-21

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
100 shots, Cheese, Mandy and Mayday

>> 100 shots in 100 minutes <<
Time-lapse footage for b3tard Dave attempting
100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. A.K.A The
Centurion! What a hero - and he has work in the
morning too! Thanks to liamrafferty85 for
bringing us this.
http://snurl.com/100shots

>> Cheesipedia <<
"CHEESE! PEDIA! CHEESIPEDIA!" screams The
Neville. "So, anyway, I decided it was about
time I started up an online encyclopaedia of
cheese. It's early days yet, but I've got a few
firm favourites in there."
http://cheesipedia.com/

>> "Dear Mandy..." <<
Genius rapper Dan Bull brought us the sublime
'Dear Lilly', a scolding letter to Lilly Allen
using her own catchy backing tracks. Can he
pull it off again with a message to sinister
Baron Mandelson, who wants to cut off people's
household internet connections if he suspects
them of filesharing? BTW: We've also heard that
pager companies are lobbying Mandelson to make
texting illegal.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_wrote_another_letter

>> RC MAYDAY Crash Investigation <<
"I made this short film about a major air
disaster," exclaims JamWire. "And like
Discovery Channel, I shouted all over it to
make it seem more interesting." Guess what?
That trick really works!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/RC_MAYDAY_Crash_Investigations

-------------------------------------------------

: SICKIPEDIA COMEDY NIGHT 2.0
December 9th - Old Blue Last Shoreditch

The last Sickipedia night was a massive
success, and excellent fun. A packed room of
happy drunken people and a dozen or so mostly
brand-new comedians. The pub's asked us to do
it again so come down, have a drink and a
laugh. And if you fancy going on stage get in
touch with Rob:
http://snurl.com/sickipediav2

Among the star attractions already booked;
returning favourites tricyclic_looper and
mushybees. Also Richard Tingley, best-known to
us as Bovine from the B3ta boards. He's
recently been running a video blog which, with
its mixture of jokes and confessional, we're
finding rather compelling. Reckon there's an
independent film in it somewhere.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NbAH2NxtRY

-------------------------------------------------

: GO AND SEE BEN WHEATLEY'S FILM. GO ON!
Down Terrace, Brighton, Friday

Ben: Is it too late to pimp the screening of
Down Terrace in the newsletter? It's on at 11pm
at the Duke of York, Brighton.

B3ta: OK, is there any kind of, 'Ben and Rob
Hill will be in the bar - buy them a pint'
stuff?

Ben: Yes, from 9 in the Duke's bar.
Then Ben went quiet for 5 mins and sent a
follow up email to tempt you.
Ben: Also there will be badges.
http://www.cine-city.co.uk/2009/tag/fri-27-11/

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
PE Lessons

Last week we asked for your tales of school
sanctioned sports sadism. Those without a sick
note can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/pe/

* YAY! GAMES! - "First day at a Second Division
Public School somewhere in the East Midlands. I
was 10, just. The timetable said: "2pm-4pm:
Games." Whoopee, think I and several other
innocent 10-year olds, we get to spend two
hours playing on the swings/roundabout/seesaw.
So we do; and the next day, and the day after
that. It was about two weeks before they found
us. Apparently we were meant to have reported
to the rugby pitch on day one. They were
starting to wonder where we'd got to." (Guy
Debord)

* SMARTARSE - "Physical feats of speed or
endurance are not my thing. I'm more of a
brainy type. I can see some of you are nodding
and some want to punch me already. Aged 12, at
a selective boys grammar school, I'm trying to
make my mark with a new load of 30 class mates.
Sir sets one particular task, 'Everyone in the
middle of the gym, now run and touch every wall
and return to the centre.' This is the cue for
every boy to immediately scatter to the middle
of the nearest wall before turning around and
running fast as their little spindly legs could
carry them to the middle of the opposite wall
(some unfortunately meeting another boy coming
the other way) before repeating with the other
two walls. Now I really don't like to do more
than I have to. I thought for a moment and
proceeded to jog sedately to the corner of the
gym where I touched two walls at once, ambled
to the opposite corner, touched the last two
walls and returned leisurely to the centre of
the gym arriving way before the speediest of my
peers. Unfortunately in one act, I had singled
myself out to staff and pupils alike as too
bloody clever for my own good." (Rich T)

* FUNNY-SHAPED BALLS - "The game was rugby. The
teacher was Mr Pullen, the science master, who
had never played before. He actually turned up
on the pitch with a huge book entitled 'The
Rules of Rugby'. He explained kicking. He
explained tries. And then he got on to
tackling. A volunteer was needed. Pullen
pointed at Rapinder Sood, the skinniest,
bow-leggiest, tiniest and only moustachioed boy
in the school. Pullen jogged off slowly.
Rapinder followed until, 'Now boy. Now!'
screamed Pullen. Rapinder caught up and made an
effort at diving for Mr Pullen's legs but
missed any real connection. But he did just
catch the ankles and there he held on for dear
life. There was no way Rapinder was ever going
to bring the teacher down. But something else
did come down. Rapinder's doggedness made sure
that the teacher's tracksuit bottoms came free.
It turned out Mr Pullen was not wearing shorts
under his tracksuit. Mr Pullen was not wearing
pants under his tracksuit. Mr Pullen was
wearing fuck all under his tracksuit." (Albert
Marshmallow)

>> This Week's Question <<
We really need ideas for Christmas presents and
who better to ask than you lovely creative
people:
http://b3ta.com/questions/present/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Please design a logo for me. With pie charts <<
Designer's email exchange with guy wanting him
to do free work. We've all been there. Christ,
we normally pretend that "we'll make you famous
on b3ta" when we want them to do free work.
http://www.27bslash6.com/p2p.html

>> Naked girls injecting heroin <<
Harpski writes, "If you think that heroin chic
is a good look maybe this link will revise your
opinion." An alarming set of photos that will
stay with you longer than most things we link
to this week. BTW: We wonder how they were
taken? Did someone go "I'll buy you some smack
if you let me take your photo?"
http://snurl.com/heroinchicks

>> Clients from hell <<
A classic theme we've tackled a handful of
times in our questions of the week, but this
version scores via brevity and it's all rather
engrossing if you start reading. BTW: If any of
our clients are reading then we love you! And
can you pay that invoice please?
http://clientsfromhell.tumblr.com/

>> Hairy sausages <<
A neat idea from our Russian friends here -
stick raw spaghetti into a hot-dog sausage and
boil it to create a bearded banger.
http://englishrussia.com/?p=3344#more-3344

>> Trying to disappear from the internet <<
A writer for Wired tried to vanish from the
world, offering a $5000 bounty for anybody who
could find him, it quickly turned into a large
internet collaboration.
http://www.wired.com/vanish/2009/11/ff_vanish2/

>> LOLSQL <<
One for cat-obsessed computer programmers here:
a mutant mash-up of lol-cat speak and SQL, the
special language engineers use to coax
databases into love-making.
http://www.aaronbassett.com/2009/i-can-haz-lolsql/

>> Google autocompletes <<
A handful of amusing google autocompletes have
been doing the rounds recently and this
enterprising little blog has thought, "Hang on,
there's a blog in that."
http://autocompleteme.com

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Chimp and tigers

"Surely this will make you go aaah :) get it in
the newsletter!" urges bruvopunk.
http://pictures.streakr.com/whitetigers.htm

"and also if you do could you possibly plug my
new release, i am a dubstep producer: Flux
Pavilion and Trolley Snatcha - Family
Fortune/Steppa. if you get it in there ill work
out some way of paying you back, maybe sampling
a b3ta classic in a new tune, im doin pretty
well :)"
http://www.myspace.com/thedarkerfluxpavilion

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
TV but with distracting shit round the edges

>> Toilet flush obsessive <<
Black Moon writes, "Is this guy for real? Look
how many videos he has, look how many views
they have!" Yep, this guy has over 400 videos
of flushing bogs. The loo fan writes, "I live
in the East Midlands in England. My favourite
hobby as you can see, toilets, has been since I
was 2."
http://www.youtube.com/user/ramdomness453

>> Bohemian Rhapsody by the Muppets <<
We're having a bit of a Queen celebration in
B3ta Towers, in the run up to Xmas they've
released yet another greatest hits, but the
interesting bit is there's a version on Spotify
where CD2 is Roger Taylor and Brian May doing a
director's commentary thing. Worth an hour of
your time. And in other news - here's Jim
Henson's Muppets singing Freddie's theme to
Wayne's World:
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bohemian_Rhapsody_by_the_Muppets

>> Man Vs Toddler <<
Dead-pan song about grown-ups' superiority to
children, it's a bit like Flight of the
Conchords doing the competitive dad joke from
The Fast Show.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Man_Vs_Toddler

>> Grim Segway porn <<
The thing about porn is that you shouldn't ever
look at it, it's wrong. However if it's funny
porn then it's safe - you're looking at a
comedy item: a pair of hi-tech Segways with a
huge dribbling cock and a monster gaping minge,
and not naked ladies at all, oh no. Definitely
NSFW.
http://gallys.realitykings.com/mt/176/?id=capturedartsltd

>> Happiness Hat <<
If you're anything like us you find people
complete awful and most social situations a
mixture of horror and embarrassment, yet wonder
quite how some people breeze through life gayly
smiling and making everybody like them? The
secret is the happiness hat. We're wearing one
right now. On our cocks.
http://vimeo.com/7283341

>> Cheapy Lighter Laser Burner! <<
Convert a cheapo cigarette lighter into a
powerful laser cutter capable of burning skin
and blinding kittens. Who needs x-ray eyes now
superman?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cheapy_Lighter_Laser_Burner

-------------------------------------------------

: ASK B3TA
Lift button racing

Last week A Vagabond asked whether repeatedly
pressing a lift button will get it to your
floor any quicker.

Chris W writes, "My friend Big Kev is a lift
engineer and lives in Reading. I emailed him
about multiple pressing of buttons and he
replied, 'You just need to press the direction
you need to go, and the call is logged for that
floor. Continual pressing makes no difference,
just like when you use a pedestrian crossing
you press the button and the call is logged
from the first push.' Please mention Big Kev if
you use this!"

"Lifts do have buttons that don't work or do
anything," adds Jon P. "On many lifts the
'close door' button is not connected and simply
makes people feel better. its called a placebo
button as defined in Wikipedia."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Placebo_button

"Pressing the elevator call button lots doesn't
make it come faster, but there is a way once
you're inside the elevator to get it to go
straight to your floor without stopping at
other ones: Press the floor button as well as
the the door close button at the same time, and
keep them held down," opines Tom from England.
If you then press up and down simultaneously it
gives you infinite lives and a railgun. 'Proof'
here:
http://snipurl.com/elevatorhack

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Cutouts Challenge

Last week we wanted you to make celebrity
cutout dolls.

Your favourites included:

* CAKE - it may taste of cardboard, but it
looks bloody delicious (The magic of chutney)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9802474

* B3TA - an almost instant, highly portable
version of your favourite website (yanmania...)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9802323

* EYES - dress your pet with these charming yet
annoying eyes (Fresh Water Mole)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9800692

All these images, and the highest as
voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/cutouts/

>> New challenge: Desktop Icon Art <<
This week's challenge is to make a picture
using the icons on your desktop. Challenge
inspired by thescotsman.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/desktop-art/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* FRAMERATER UPDATE: "Your favourite film
tracker is new and improved," boast the
Framerater crew. "We have now expanded the
lists of films that you may have seen,
including IMDb Top 250, 1001 Movies You Must
See, AFI Top 100 and BFI Top 100. Also direct
links to Amazon and LoveFilm so you can easily
order that film you have wanted to see for
ages. Thanks for all the support, enjoy!"
http://www.framerater.co.uk/

* HOMO MILK - Last week's Funny Name Corner
lolled at homogenised milk labels. This week
HairyTwatter writes, "I work with milk
processing plants quite a bit. The homogenizer
is universally called 'the homo' ...and here's
these big guys talking about running a
calcium-enriched product thru the homogenizer
and saying, 'Every time I run the product it
really tears up the inside of the homo.'" We're
really milking this gag now, eh?

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* IS THIS PERSON MARRIED? - a yes/no/upload
photo thing. Are the stereotypes true? Are all
lonely men fat? Are all spinsters cat owners?
Possibly could be done via a facebook app thing
too. But we hate facebook apps as you have to
install them to play them, then they shit all
over your profile.

* WHEN WAS THE NEWSLETTER PUBLISHED? Dave
writes, "Have any of the B3TAns produced a
graph to show at what time of day (or indeed
which day)newsletters have been published? I
love deadlines almost as much as Douglas Adams
did, and would like to see a graphical
representation of somebody else's (Rob's)
approach to dealing with a chronological
imperative. Really it's because as a freelancer
I spend any Friday when I'm not working
wondering what time the newsletter will appear
in my inbox. Not in a slightly obsessed
repeatedly clicking the send and receive button
sort of way - honest!"

* MAKE A SONG FROM PLUCKING RUBBER BANDS - make
sure you film it too as it would be a bit shit
if it's just a load of boingy noises and no
visuals.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Kingdom Oblivion,
@markjbenson, Chemistry Dan, @codepo8,
largoembargo, sinisterduck , Appox, Ed
Blackadder, @oxygenthiefYEAH, unclestinky,
Darklord, Chazz, willenium, and PyroTyger.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols by Undulating Tentacles of Love.
BTW: We accidentally asked the /talk board
instead of the main board for this - check it
out if you're bored:
http://www.b3ta.com/talk/6565556

-------------------------------------------------

Marks And Spencer's new advert states that it
wouldn't be Christmas without M&S. They're
right too. It'd be Chrita.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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