Vol 650 - Dec. 12, 2007 - Actual SAT Test Answers in Arkansas

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Strange Quotes About Politicians:

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - Henry Louis Mencken

If a politician isn't doing it to his wife, then he's doing it to his country. - Amy Grant

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
Henry Kissinger

One has to be a lowbrow, a bit of a murderer, to be a politician, ready and willing to see people sacrificed, slaughtered, for the sake of an idea, whether a good one or a bad one. - Henry Miller

A politician will do anything to keep his job - even become a patriot. - William Randolph

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. - Lily Tomlin

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Actual SAT Test Answers in Arkansas

S.A.T. TEST QUESTIONS

The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - ST - GREAT BRITAIN - ENGLAND - IRELAND - SCOTLAND - Dublin - London - Glasgow

http://www.strangetravel.com/content/category/100574_1.html

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==================================

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==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

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All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

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Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

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Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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Vol 649 - Dec. 9, 2007 - Strange Christmas Facts

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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==================================

Strange Quotes:

So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?… -- Christina Aguilera

That 'rainbow' song is no good… -- MGM producer, after screening of The Wizard of Oz

Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil… -- Julia Child, American TV chef

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.
Barbara Boxer, US Senator

Where's Austria?… -- David Hasselhoff, when told he has five gold albums as a singer in Austria

"They put in the ugliest, biggest bottom in the world. Mine was smaller and much nicer. I recently found the stand-in was a stripper from Glasgow." Former Bond girl Britt Ekland regrets asking for double for nude film scene.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Christmas Facts

Xmas Facts

Saint Nicholas of Myra, the original Santa Claus, was the patron saint of children, thieves and pawnbrokers.

Based on previous surveys, 17 percent of you will embarrass yourselves in some way at your office Christmas party.

A Mongolian wild ass can run 8 mph faster than a reindeer.

It's Donder, not Donner.

Christmas pudding should be stirred from east to west.

56 percent of Americans sing holiday carols to their pets.

53 percent of Americans plan to "re-gift" this year.

1 in 3 men will wait until Christmas Eve to finish their shopping.

1 in 6 men would like to get rid of all the "gift-giving nonsense."

A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.

On Christmas Eve in 2001, the Bethlehem Hotel had 208 of its 210 rooms free.

It's "God rest ye merry, gentlemen," not "God rest ye, merry gentlemen."

There are 1.76 billion candy canes produced every year.

Kris Kringel, a man in his 40s, lives in North Pole, Alaska, and delivers pizzas for a living. He drives a 1984 Ford Tempo.

Based on a 1999 estimated population count of North America and Europe, on Christmas Eve of that year Santa Claus had to visit 42,466,666 homes in a 12-hour period -- that's 983 homes per second.

Submitted by Pasadena Phil

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

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All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

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Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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[b3ta] "A not-for-prophet publication"

Diese Zusammenfassung ist nicht verfügbar. Klicke hier, um den Post aufzurufen.

Vol 648 - Dec. 5, 2007 - Corruption Test - How Sleazy Are You?

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

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==================================

Strange Quotes:

I never knew a guitar player worth a damn… -- Vernon Presley, to his young son Elvis

I'm much more than a pair of breasts… -- Pamela Anderson

I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our 52 states… -- Raquel Welch

I feel my best when I'm happy… -- Winona Ryder

I catnap now and then...but I think while I nap, so it's not a waste of time… -- Martha Stewart

Have you been playing a long time?… -- Queen Elizabeth II, to rock legend Eric Clapton

Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union… -- Josef Stalin

Every prime minister needs a Willie… -- Margaret Thatcher, referring to Lord William Whitelaw

I've been up and down so many times that I feel as if I'm in a revolving door… -- Cher

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Corruption Test - How Sleazy Are You?

How Sleazy Are You ?

(Score over 200 : Seek Help)

1, Ever laughed at someone's misfortune ? (1)

2, Ever laughed at a mentally or physically handicapped person ? (2)

3, Ever tried alcohol ? (1)

4, Ever been Drunk ? (2)

5, Ever play drinking games ? (2)

6, Ever Fall down because you drank to much ? (3)

7, Ever drink enough to throw up ? (4) Bonus - Throwing up on yourself or another person (1)

8, Ever wake up and not remember what you did the night before ? (5)

9, Ever been forcibly removed from a bar ? (8)

10, Ever participated in/finished a pub crawl ? (5)

11, Do you drink regularly, at least three times a week ? (3) Bonus - 1 point for each extra day (Max of 7)

12, Ever fall asleep/pass out in a bar? (4)

13, Ever try pot, hash, magic mushrooms ? (4 per drug tried)

14, Do you use drugs regularly ? (4) Bonus - more than four times a week (4)

15, Ever bought soft drugs ? (4)

16, Ever sell drugs ? (8)

17, Ever sold drugs to support a drug habit ? (12)

18, Ever used barbiturates ? (8)

19, Ever used hallucinogens ? (8)

20, Ever used narcotics ? (10)

21, Ever been stoned or drunk for more than 48 hours ? (8)

22, Ever Been on a date ? (2)

23, Ever been felt up, groped ? (2) Bonus - To orgasm (2)

24, Ever had sexual intercourse ? (6)

25, Ever had a bath or shower with a person of the opposite sex ? (5)

26, Ever paid for sex ? (8)

27, Ever taken advantage of someone while they were drunk/ stoned / incapacitated ? (4)

28, Ever get someone stoned /drunk in order to obtain sexual favours, and succeed ? (8)

29, Ever engage in oral sex ? (4) Bonus - To orgasm ? (2)

30, Ever engage in anal sex ? (6) Bonus - To orgasm ? (2)

31, Ever engage in the 69 position ? (4)

32, Ever contracted a STD? (12)

33, Ever had sex without a contraceptive ? (4)

34, Ever had or knowingly been responsible for an abortion ? (12)

35, Ever had sex with more than one person at a time ? (9)

36, Ever had sex with two or more partners in a week ? (4)

37, Ever had sex in a public place ? (6)

38, Ever had carpet burns in relation to a sexual act ? (4)

39, Ever engage in sexual activity with a member of the same sex ? (10)

40, Ever practiced bondage, masochism or sadism for sexual gratification ? (8)

41, Ever used sex toys ? (6)

42, Ever pass out during sex ? (5)

43, Ever been responsible for loosing someone else's virginity ? (4)

44, Ever masturbated while talking on the telephone ? (3)

45, Ever bought something in a sex shop ? (3)

46, Ever licked or have someone lick an eyeball ? (1) toes ? (2) ears ?(1)

47, Ever had sex with a relative ? (5)

48, Ever make someone sleep in the wet spot ? (6)

49, Does necrophilla, pedophilla or beastiality turn you on ? (20)

50, Ever been arrested ? (8) Bonus - Convicted ? (7)

Scoring:
0-20: A life in the church is too corrupt for you.
21-40: You barely make our scale.
41-60: approaching normal, you aren't much fun on a date.
61-100: Normal, you use your right hand like everyone else.
101-130: Above average, you've got a few tricks below the belt.
131-160: You're enjoying life to the max.
161-200: You're a danger to society. Who let you out on a day pass ?
Above 200: You're going straight to hell

==================================

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==================================

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==================================

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Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

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Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

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The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

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http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

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Vol 647 - Dec. 2, 2007 - The Laws of Work

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Drugs have nothing to do with the creation of music. In fact, drugs are dumb and self-indulgent. Kind of like sucking your thumb." - Courtney Love

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense." - Steve Landesberg

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?" - Phyllis Diller

"If you can't be kind, at least be vague." - Judith Manners

"Stay humble. Always answer the phone, no matter who else is in the car." - Jack Lemmon

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Laws of Work

If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done, and what you're going to do.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

If you are good, you will complete all your assigned work. If you're really good, you'll get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

==================================

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COOL CHRISTMAS TREE 'BALLS' - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/131414.html

STRANGE DANGER - LEOPARD ATTACKS HANDLER! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/132435.html

COOL F-14 JET SILHOUETTE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132683.html

SEAPLANE WITH A PROBLEM - IT'S SINKING! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/132747.html

BRAZO'S COUNTY SHERIFF - 'PRICELESS' DRUG DEALER SEIZURE OF LUXURY SUV - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/132749.html

STRANGE MASS TRANSPORT IN BUDAPEST HUNGARY - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/132753.html

COOL GOOGLE TOP DOWN VIEWS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132775.html

WHY THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT LOST HER JOB - RAFT INFLATED IN CABIN - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/132776.html

STRANGE "DOG" TRAINS - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/132778.html

WWI - NAVAL VESSEL LAUCHES RECON BI-PLANE - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/132818.html

FALCON FLIES OFF TO THE HUNT! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132819.html

STRANGE GOATS - CLIMBING THE HOUSE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/132823.html

OLDE BROOKLYN BRIDGE CONSTRUCTION PIX - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/132831.html

STRANGE AFGHANI "BABYSITTER" - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132832.html

STRANGE FUNERAL - HUGE CASKET - THE MAN WEIGHED 50 STONE (700 LBS) - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/132833.html

STRANGE PERSONAL AD - "I'M NOT GAY - IT'S THE NOISE?" - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132834.html

SCARY CABLE BRIDGE - WHO STOLE THE PLANKS? - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/132835.html

MOMMA ALLIGATOR GIVING JUNIOR A RIDE ON HER HEAD! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/132859.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - THAT'S GONNA HURT! THAT'LL LEAVE A MARK ! - OUCH!

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/100512_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

True Story - The Blind Woman and The Airline Pilot - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/132699.html

Top This For a Speeding Ticket! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/132725.html

Strangest Stuff Ever Stolen - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/105770.html

Strange Trivia - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/105988.html

Strange "Rage" Incidents Around The World - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/106285.html

Strange and Stupid Criminals - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/106424.html

The 9 Weirdest Tax Write-offs - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/106839.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - THAT'S GONNA HURT! THAT'LL LEAVE A MARK ! - OUCH!

http://www.strangedangers.com/content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

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[b3ta] "The Karma Sutra for the single man"

This Week:
* SONG - Jonti sings about pork
* 'FUNNY' NAME CORNER - Isle of Man Meat
* SEX SEX SEX - the word sex written thrice

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "38th greatest website
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | in the world...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| er, thanks FHM."

B3ta email 305 - 30 Nov 2007

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue305/

Mario's Cafe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Pedro's Cafe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
See a pretty boy take a good fisting from Ricky

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Floor-shaking punches, cacophonous Vegas
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>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Grey, Pork, Wallets and Porn

>> Pork! <<
Jonti this week usurps Joel's meaty crown with
this heartfelt paean to this most disturbingly
delicious product of the butcher's craft. It's
a cavalcade of cavorting, gurning swine who
are pleased to meet you.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Pork/

>> All the crap in my wallet <<
As all men know, the bulk and heft of your
wallet is a direct reflection of your manhood.
And that is why we stuff them with every
receipt, sweet wrapper or Tube ticket that
passes through our hands. But there comes a
time when there's no room for money anymore -
then there's a clearout. New_matt has obliged
us with a pic of all the rubbish he fished out
of his. We're toying with the idea of stealing
his identity and using his WHSmith reward
points for evil.
http://www.allthecrapinmywallet.co.uk/

>> Pick me a porn name! <<
"Years ago i did some temp work filming porn,"
explains postbear. "The guys I worked for
recently asked if i wanted to shoot some more
for them. Needing cash and knowing it's
hilarious, I said yes. But I need a porn name
to work with. Please to assign me something
crude yet refined." He's keen to insist that
he is staying firmly *behind* the camera, but
we've all seen porn - things can get crazy.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7830479

>> Grey Bloke 11 <<
Madriot's Grey Bloke explains just how selfish
his ex-wife was. It rapidly becomes crystal
clear why he's perennially sat, glazed, in
front of the telly whenever we see him.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Grey_Bloke_11_at_last

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Political Correctness Gone Mad

Last week we opened a can of worms and got you
all rabidly arguing with each other about PC:
http://b3ta.com/questions/politicalcorrectness/

Here's three stories that made us laugh:

* TYPO OF DOOM - "We'd been commissioned by a
rather large educational company to create a
web site that allowed children to play games
against each other. It was early in the
development stage, and we'd knocked together a
2D beat-em-up, mortal kombat style game.
Throughout the design phase the client had
specified that they would prefer one character
to be Caucasian and the other African
American, in order to appeal to the various
minority groups and appear welcoming. So we
settled upon a stocky, punkish sort of fellow
with a green Mohawk, and a tall, black
gangster kind of dude. We'd also inserted a
chat screen below the main action, where the
two kids fighting could communicate with each
other. All was going well with presenting this
to the client remotely: my boss was on-site
with the client talking them through it before
allowing one of the big honchos to play
against me, safely nestled back in our office.
We began and I noticed the movements of the
client's character were a bit erratic. I
initially assumed it was network lag, until I
notice he kept moving away from me. He was
confused as to which character was his, so I
attempted to help using the chat screen: "I'm
the punk, you're the bigger guy." Except,
during the creation the computer keyboard,
some intelligent bigot had decided to place
the B key right next to the N key. My quick
follow up of "*bigger" convinced no one that I
wasn't a racist." (striker84)

* MONKEY - "For some reason me and my wife
starting calling each other monkey. I'm a big
black guy. She's a petite white Russian girl.
Nothing racial in it, and it wasn't until I
mentioned to her once that she probably
shouldn't use it in public that I had to tell
her it's a racist term. In the pub, she's
forgotten, and says, "My little monkey, can
you get me a drink?" Silly eavesdropping
middle-aged yank woman at the table next to us
decides to intervene: "You shouldn't use that
language against that poor man. Just because
he is not white, you can't call him a monkey
and make him get you drinks!" My wife speaks
perfect English having lived in Australia
since she was 17 and now in London, but turned
up the Russian accent and responded back, "I'm
sorry, what do you call your niggers here?"
The woman stammered, thought for a second,
then said, "We call them African-English".
WTF? If I'd been able to stop cracking up at
the bar, I would have told her off for that."
(Kaer)

* SPAZ - "Once in a supermarket, the young guy
on the checkout had what I assume was a form
of motor neurone disease. He asked how I was,
we made smalltalk, he was steadily keying
stuff into the till, and even helped me pack.
Although he had trouble opening a couple of
carrier bags. I paid and he looked at me
sheepishly as he took several attempts to fish
the correct change from the till. I grinned
and said, "you take your time mate". However,
the woman behind me was huffing and puffing
and getting impatient, and started taking
stuff off the belt back into her basket to go
to another checkout. I tutted, and he called
over to her in an exaggerated accent, "Is it
'cos I'm a spaz?" I laughed so hard, my knees
buckled and I had to put my shopping down."
(just1bloke)

>> This Week's Question <<
Got a mate who lies through their teeth? How
far did they go before it all came crashing
down around them? Tell us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/liars/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Weird static game <<
We don't normally linky PC games that you have
to download and install, but we're making an
exception for this oddity. A platform game
played entirely in static, combining
properties of both schizophrenia and Manic
Miner, if you play it and develop epilepsy,
don't come crying to us, because we have no
time for your internet tears.
http://silverspaceship.com/static/

>> Mr Splashy Pants <<
Greenpeace has stuck up a poll to name a
whale, including an obvious winner, Mr Splashy
Pants. A B3tard named 'mince' stuck up a
message on our links board, 'I say we all vote
for 'Mr Splashy Pants' - the only good one on
there!' At the time Splashy was languishing at
1%, this sparked a bit of a campaign, and a
few days later it's a 71% win for the
amusingly-named blubbery mammal. We can only
wonder if the 'Mr Splashy Pants effect' will
now be used to describe the internet's
tendency to always vote for the silliest
option. Remember the poll about The Spice
Girls being forced to play in Baghdad? Now
you'll be able to say - with the full
authority of the B3ta newsletter - ah that's
the Mr Splashy Pants Effect.
http://vote.greenpeace.org/11/12/results

>> Lol vogue <<
We're getting some easy laughs looking at
silly fashion photos captioned with lolcat
stylee phrasing. All together now, "OH. HAI. I
NIDDED YOU A SCARF." BTW: We're also amused
that we can no longer see the font 'impact'
without reading it in a lolcat voice. Which
makes old KLF CDs more amusing than they
should be.
http://snipurl.com/fashiontwats

>> We *heart* Phillip Schofield <<
Being followers of Phillip since his days in
the broom cupboard, to his starring role in
Joseph in the West End, and most recently on
the coach with Fern ion This Morning, we're
delighted to join our fellow Phil fans on this
fantastic website.
http://www.schofieldfans.co.uk/gallery/v/meet07/ruth1.jpg.html

>> Secret photos! <<
Visit a museum these days and there's bound to
be a sign saying "no photography", which is a
bit cunty, as it's simply a way of getting
punters to pay for crap postcards in
gift-shops. So erect penis yays to
strictlynophotography, it's like a flickr for
camera phone anarchists. Up the revolution
kids.
http://strictlynophotography.com/

>> Gay science <<
Can't remember for the life of us what this
link was about, but we remember reading it two
in the morning going, "oh, that's interesting,
oh that's a bit obvious, oh that's really
interesting." And now? You can have exactly
the same experience, thanks b3ta! you're
really spoiling us!
http://snipurl.com/chemogeddon

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Only two vids - but it's the two BESTEST vids

>> Billys Bailey and Bragg duet <<
A heart-warming sight as legendary protest
rocker Billy Bragg takes to the stage with
Bill Bailey to sing the Bragg parody song
Unisex Chip Shop.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bill_Bailey_and_Billy_Bragg_duet

>> World's fastest clapper <<
It's a fairly useless talent, but this is Kent
Toast's claim to fame. He's an engaging chap
and it's undeniable that he can move his hands
very quickly, but the faces that he pulls are
a mite disturbing.
http://snipurl.com/claptrap

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Renamed 'omg funny rofls' corner

* ISLEOFMANMEAT.COM - "I mistakenly read their
name out loud whilst at the Good Food Show,"
explains Tunstall. We can only imagine the
looks that drew, sounding as it does like some
sort of cri de couer. Anyway, anyone else
wishing to pursue their love of man-meat can
find them at:
http://www.isleofmanmeat.com

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Transformers Challenge

To mark the DVD release of the Transformers
movie on December 3rd, Paramount gave us lots
of prizes.

And the winners are:

* CLOTHBOT - Sheep won with a surprisingly
late entry, proving you can enter an image
challenge the day before it closes and still
get enough votes (an amazing 249!) to win. He
fully deserves his new Macbook, which we're
told will be ordered next week and sent
shortly after. BTW: Click the Youtube linky to
see it in its full coloured glory.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7823378

* TEABOT - HappyToast's entry was a firm
favourite at B3ta Towers, as for our money,
there's nothing funnier than a cup that pisses
tea. And guess what? Mr Toast is SUCH a nice
man he's donated his prize of a HD DVD player
to Great Ormond Street Hospital.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7809918

* RUNNERS UP - and we also had DVDs to give
away to c_kick, Zak McFlimby, Mystery Bob,
collapsibletank & mutated monty. And a special
mention to C_kick who put in an extraordinary
effort with his monstrous church:
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7810258

* AND FINALLY - it would be RUDE not mention
Cyriak's entry, as it's a perfect
representation of how certain members of the
team feel after a night on the tramp juice.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7809944

All these entries, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here, and to keep our
challenge sponsor happy, "remember, remember
the 3rd of December, for that's when the
Transformers DVD is in the shops." Right,
moving on swiftly!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/if-everyday-objects-were-transformers/

>> New challenge: Animal Suicides <<
Do animals commit suicide? Yes, of course they
do... and more often than not it's in grim,
horrific, bloody ways. Please show us how.
Challenge inspired by Evilscary.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/animal_suicides/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* IF I COULD SHIT OUT MY COCK - older readers
may remember your Ginger Fuhrer's scatological
penis song, a satirical message on people
willing to do anything for fame, but using a
metaphor so disgusting that few grasped the
soul searching the toilet humour. Anyway,
there's a story doing the rounds at the
moment, about a botched colostomy reversal
which has resulted in a man literally crapping
out of his todger. B3ta HQ has now been sent
this link upwards of 20 times, and it's
amusing to know that when people hear about
people pissing shit they think "aha! Rob
Manuel!"
http://snipurl.com/cockyshits

* BIG LOVE TO SACKED TUBE LADY - the now fired
voice of the the London Underground, Emma
Clarke who we interviewed back in 2002, you
must have caught the story, it's been
everywhere. She writes to us, "How far has the
story travelled? I've been called by the press
in the States, Canada, Italy, Germany, Spain
and news of the story has spread all over the
world. A very nice man from the Caribbean rang
to tell me he likes my voice very much and
would I do his answerphone for him. I haven't
been able to check where the site visitors have
come from because my site's buckled because of
the demand for the mp3s. It's currently
offline but the techies tell me it should be
fit and well again very soon. I absolutely
promise, honest promise that this isn't some
bizarre conspiracy PR exploitation scam. Being
a global news story wasn't part of my agenda as
I dropped the kids off at school yesterday
morning." Anyway, if you work in advertising
and need someone do some V/O then give Emma a
bell, because surely there's a bit of PR value
out of giving her some work in her hour of need?
http://www.emmaclarke.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Nerds and fluff

>> Name all the HTML elements <<
We know we have two kinds of reader here at
b3ta. Here's a test to see just how strong
your net nerd credentials are by naming as
many HTML elements as you can in 5 minutes. To
our dismay we only got 41. Stupid <FORM>
crap...
http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/html_quiz

>> Catch the cat <<
And for the rest of you; try to keep the cat
from running off the screen. At least, that's
what we're guessing. There isn't a lot of
feedback when you do it. For the trouble the
damn thing gave us, we were wanting a poison
dart to punish the pesky feline.
http://www.gamedesign.jp/flash/chatnoir/chatnoir.html

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

This week we've written this section whilst
having an open book of old record covers on
our desk.

* ABBEY ROAD FROGGER FLASH GAME - try and get
the four Beatles across the road before being
hit by a truck.

* NIRVANA'S NEVERMIND BABY SWIMMING POOL GAME
- Can you make the poor infant keep swimming
in his pursuit of a 10-dollar note on a
fishing hook? How far can you make him swim
before he drowns?

* HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW? - use
the 'Wisdom of Crowds' internet voting to see
if you are paying your breeder too much for
YOUR dog.

And finally a special request from b3tard
Woking Girl who puckers up her pretty mouth
and whispers, "I've got a mouse in my kitchen,
and mousetraps/sprays/bleach in its hole just
won't damn kill it. I'm sure some b3tan must
know how to build a better mousetrap, or just
exterminate the little bastard. I even put a
toy mouse out in the hope it would fall in
love and we'd catch it. Nothing. Help, please.
Thanks in advance."

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob 'Rob Manuel'
Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by
DR BEN and grey kid. Additional linkage and
image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder
is QOTW bloke. We love b4ta. Subj from Monkeon.

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
Just seen a sign outside B&Q: "Stainless Steel
Sinks". Bit obvious, I thought.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 646 - Nov 28, 2007 - Things That Are Difficult to say When Drunk

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Q: "What has recording alone taught you?"
Paul McCartney: "That to make your own decisions about what you do is easy, and playing with yourself is very difficult but satisfying."

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." - Mark Twain

"I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it is true lightness." – Alicia Silverstone!

"A wok is what you throw at a wabbit." unknown

"RENTAL CAR: The only *TRUE* all-terrain vehicle". --known - but unidentified

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -Things That Are Difficult to say When Drunk

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious

Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

"Thanks, but I don't want to have sex"

"Nope, no more booze for me"

"Sorry, but you're not really my type"

"Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?"

"Oh I couldn't, nobody wants to hear me sing...."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE LITTLE CARS - 1964 TRIDENT - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132143.html

PANDA BEAR IN A TREE - BIRTHDAY CAKE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/132378.html

BIG ARMY TANK STUCK IN BIG MUD PUDDLE! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/132533.html

MILITARY GUARD DOG TRAINING - JUMPING THRU FLAMING HOOP! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/132546.html

BIG DOG GUARDING LITTLE BOY - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/132565.html

STRANGE HOME PROTECTION DEVICE - HUGE MOUSE TRAP! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/132580.html

CVN-69 DWIGHT D EISENHOWER & CVN-74 JOHN STENNIS - NORFOLK, VA - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/132605.html

LIMBER GYMNISTS FLYIN' HIGH! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/132629.html

STRANGE 'STRETCH' 1957 CHEVY LIMO! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/132678.html

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LUNAR VEHICLE WHILE WE WERE GONE? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132679.html

MILITARY HELICOPTER RELEASES ANGEL FLARES AT NIGHT OVER LAKE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132681.html

THEY'RE HERE - SPACE ALIENS AND 'UFO' STOP BY FOR A 'VACATION' PICTURE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132685.html

COOL OLD "TEAR DROP" CAMPER TRAILER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132686.html

STRANGE CHINESE ACROBATS - FLEXIBLE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/132687.html

STRANGE JAPANESE BASEBALL MASCOT - WHAT IS THAT? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/132689.html

BUNGEE JUMPING OR CLIFF DIVING? - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/132690.html

WE'RE MOVING OUT - DON'T FORGET THE BABY! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/132692.html

DE-FEN YAO - TALLEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD - CHINA - 1 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132694.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - AL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/27_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Things You Would Never Know ! (But Do Now!) - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/132675.html

Strange Reasons For Getting Fired! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/132695.html

Strange Things You Learn in College - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/132696.html

Things You Should NEVER Do. - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/132697.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - CARS - TRUCKS - MOTORCYCLES - AL KINDS OF VEHICLES

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/112_1.html

==================================

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