Vol 973 - Jan. 16, 2011 - Strange Truisms

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes and Insults!

A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!

I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it.

I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.

Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper!

Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

Are you brain-dead?

Are your parents siblings?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Truisms

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP:
Never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

KLEENEX:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

TRUISMS #2

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines. Ha!

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE RUSSIAN "BARBIE DOLL" - LENA - HER PINK CAR - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/171814.html

OFFICE DANGERS - DON'T TALK ON THE PHONE AND ANNOY OTHERS - ACTION GIF! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/172036.html

BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE AT THE THEATER - WITH ATTITUDE - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/172062.html

TRAP DOOR SPIDER NABS GRASSHOPPER FOR LUNCH - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/172125.html

STRANGE SHARK AND PALS COMING AT YOU! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/172130.html

STRANGE COMBINATION - LIGHTNING AND RAINBOW - GOD JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HOLLYWOOD! - http://www.strangeDangers.com/content/item/172174.html

INCREDIBLE HIKE TO PULPIT ROCK - STAVANGER NORWAY FIORD - MUSIC - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/172221.html

WWI GERMAN 'RED BARON' FLIGHT FORMATION - 7 TRI-PLANES - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/172226.html

NAV PILOT EJECTS JUST AS ENGINE FAILS AT END OF CARRIER DECK - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/172227.html

PICTURE PUZZLES - FIND THE DIFFERENCES - GAMES - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/172236.html

STRANGE 3-D FLYING KID - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/172237.html

PICTURE PUZZLES - FIND THE WRONG CORPORATE LOGO'S - GAMES - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/172240.html

ARIZONA WINTER PICTURES - SNOW COVERED RIDGE OVER CLIFF DWELLER HOMES SET INTO THE ROCK - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/172241.html

SUSAN SARANDON - OLDE MAY 1978 CRAWDADDY MAGAZINE COVER - BEFORE SHE WAS FAMOUS - STRANGE TATTOO - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/172248.html

STRANGE SPORTS - CRAZY RUGBY SCRUM - HOISTING PLAYER UP HIGH! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/172252.html

STRANGE MOTORIZED HANG-GLIDER PROBLEM - SEAGULL LOOKING FOR A HAND OUT - IN FLIGHT! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/172256.html

STRANGE SPORTS - BICYCLE RACING MASS CRASH - CYCLISTS TUMBLE ALL OVER! - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/172259.html

OCEAN DANGERS - MORAY EEL WITH STRANGE GLASS LIKE TEETH! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/172269.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/31_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Where Did Those Strange Expressions Come From - Learn It Here! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/172218.html

How To Insult a Fellow In a Nice Way - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/172222.html

Strange World War II Trivia - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/172225.html

Strange Laws in Massachusetts - Michigan - Missouri - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/162802.html

Strange Laws in Kentucky - Iowa - Illinois - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/162801.html

Strange Laws in Florida - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/162800.html

Strange Laws in California - http://www.strangemedical.com/content/item/162799.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/125_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

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[b3ta] "Warning: may contain libel, or other blood products"

 

This Week:
* PICS - Awkward Miliband moments
* COLOURING IN - with Julian Assange
* QUESTION - Bullshitty bullshitters

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__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web-cud... moogether!"

B3ta e-turd 462 - 14 Jan 2011

Read this issue on C4's Teletext, page 670:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue462/

Cuddles: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Every 10p you spend with B3ta means your Ginger
Fuhrer can buy increasingly strange hats.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Penguins, MP wiki naughties, Moses, Cat

>> The Penguin Dilemma - Translation <<
Two penguins attempt to negotiate a muddy
puddle. Fresh from his cat video, Slurpy J
takes on that penguin clip that's been
popping up in inboxes everywhere this week.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Penguin_Dilemma_Translation

>> Editing Wikipedia from inside Parliament <<
"It's the 2010 'Editing Wikipedia From Inside
Parliament' Awards!" exclaims Tom Scott. He's
been monitoring the interwebs, and it's
surprising how many edits to MPs' wikipedia
pages come from anonymous users within the
Houses of Parliament. Always good, people
getting caught being naughty.
http://www.tomscott.com/wikiparliament/

>> Not exactly the greatest story ever told. <<
It's been a while since somegreybloke's last
Grey Bloke cartoon, but worth the wait for this
Old Testament epic. Five bonus points if you
spot the Phill Jupitus cameo.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Not_exactly_the_greatest_story_ever_told

>> Cat + slide whistle <<
"My brother, his cat Geppetto, and a slide
whistle," writes jessekillerkay. Made us chuckle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZ-8IKZJmz4

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: SHITEGEIST
Throwaway Tumblrs of the moment

* AWKWARD MILIBAND MOMENTS - Ed really is Adrian
Mole all grown up isn't he?
http://awkwardedmilibandmoments.tumblr.com/

* THINGS REAL PEOPLE DON'T SAY ABOUT ADVERTISING
- a bit industry this one, but as we float on
the edge of such worlds it tickled us.
http://tpdsaa.tumblr.com

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: CHARGRILLED.CO.UK - Sponsored linky
Go there, do it, buy the t-shirt!

We've got highbrow t-shirts, lowbrow t-shirts
and how now brown cow t-shirts. What's more, to
B3ta members, they're 10% cheaper! Enter the
code 'b3ta' at checkout.
http://bit.ly/dUDSKz

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
House Guests

Last week we wanted your worst house guests,
or tales of your own appalling behaviour. Go
read how Kovacs accidentally gave a whole room
a golden shower:
http://b3ta.com/questions/houseguests/

* "My wife and I stayed over one night at her
friends' house after a nice big, boozy dinner.
This was not your crappy student flat - we
were all grown-up and in nice houses with
bought furniture and the like. I woke in the
morning to a pretty frosty reception. My wife
doesn't really drink and I drink her share
to avoid offending our hosts, so this was not
new. But that morning I could only remember
a strange dream that I couldn't get into the
bed - the duvet wouldn't come off. It was all
very odd. Then she pointed to the corner of
the room where I had pulled up their fitted
carpet and crawled underneath to sleep,
before returning to bed a few hours later
on account of the cold." (Rammer)

* "When my brother was a student in Norwich
the old woman from the flat upstairs came
to visit. Well, I say visit, but it was
more a case of the liquid from her rotting
corpse leaking through his kitchen ceiling."
(Ring Of Fire)

* "A chap I know, a shy, retiring gay man,
was terrified of his flatmate. He could hear
him through the walls at night, muttering
obscenities: You fucking fucker, I'm going
to fucking kill you, I'm gonna get you all,
you absolute bastard, oh no you don't, etc.
It was me, playing online games with my
headset on. In my defence, I wasn't talking
that loud, the walls are just made of paper."
(universalpsykopath)

>> This Week: Bullshitters <<
Ever met the sort of fantasist who constantly
claims they've got a helicopter in the garden
or was "second onto the balcony at the Iranian
Embassy siege"? Lucky, lucky you:
http://b3ta.com/questions/bullshit/

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: SHITES IN BRIEFS
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Bizarro ASA complaint <<
The advertising standards agency exist to stop
wankers like Cillit Bang from telling us lies
about how clean it can get our pennies. Quite
what good they are doing hunting down
witchdoctors is anyone's guess. We suspect
long, dull days in the office. Still, it's
allowed them to produce a fantastic report
which is going to go down in history as the
highest-trafficked item on their site ever.
http://goo.gl/qW1hu

>> You've seen the Julian Assange colouring book? <<
Just checking. Not the most sophisticated bit of
tech ever - this is the web circa 1998, but then
Wikileaks has that "Netscape Now!" flavour too.
http://julianassangecoloringbook.com/

>> Slowed Down Amy Winehouse = old soul singer <<
Suprisingly listenable, and following on from
the recent 'slow Justin Beiber down 800% = Brian
Eno' and the sped-up Paul McCartney, which was
basically Pinky and Perky but with amazing
tunemanship. Now can somebody slow down Barry
White and see if we can use it to seduce
whales?
http://tinyurl.com/4lbe356

>> You now hate all Dreamworks films <<
Even if you didn't mind Shrek, once you see this
image it'll nag away at you and destroy any
lingering affection for their work. This pic
is rather evil that way.
http://www.slashfilm.com/lol-pixar-vs-dreamworks/

>> Amazon lols ahoy! <<
The comments for this watch on Amazon are
priceless - as is the watch at a mere
$118,000.00 US Dollars. E.g. "I actually first
saw this watch at a neat little store in
Luxembourg, as I was refilling my ruby-encrusted
helicopter with gasoline made out of unicorn
tears..."
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B002T4V3W4/b3ta-20

>> Nature sounds <<
A sound effects mixer - probably meant to be
relaxing, but we got some cheap laughs mixing
Darth Vader and school kids. Add some bleeps
and make your own KLF chillout album in 3 mins.
http://naturesoundsfor.me/SheepSea

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Web video will never catch on and here's why:

>> Every Voyager episode is the same <<
A TVTropes-style take down of the Voyager show,
but what impresses us is the formula. Cut up
the footage of your choice, dub it into
foreign, then use subtitles to make your
satirical points.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/every_episode_of_Voyager

>> Badly-spelt games review <<
Remember Yahoo Answers' tackling "How is babby
formed?" We reckon Yahoo never recovered and it
was at least 100% responsible for their current
falling apart. Anyway, the format of that gag
was to take a really dreadfully spelled and
rather ignorant post, then read out every typo
with some wonderful voice acting. A trick these
guys have applied, with wonderful results, to a
review on Flash-sharing site Newgrounds.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/558516

>> Willy bum bum <<
A charmingly childish ditty about willies and
bums, that sounds suspiciously like a nearly
made it musican who we did a video for a long
long time ago: John The White Rapper. It's
probably not, mind you. But who knows?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrBj3u5dPgM

>> Heinz Auto Bot <<
Robots are much, much better when they don't
work properly. All that precision, delivering
comical inaccuracy.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Heinz_Auto_Bot

>> Cheeky song from 1931 "My Girl's Pussy" <<
Everybody sing... "There's one pet I like to
pet, and every evening we get wet. I stroke it
every chance I get, it's my girl's pussy. It's
never dirty, always clean. In giving thrills,
never mean. But it's the best I've ever seen,
it's my girl's pussy."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cheeky_song_from_1931_My_Girls_Pussy

>> Streaker Fail <<
The simple lols are the best lols.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Streaker_Fail

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Education system gone to the dogs

Clearly so, as now you can do a course in
'dogging'. Still, why you'd do a university
course to watch old people fucking is anyone's
guess - simply install CCTV in your parents'
bedroom, like we did.
http://www.vu.edu.au/courses/dogging

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: BORED OBSERVATION OF THE WEEK
Swapping the word 'black' to 'ginger' makes
things sound ridiculous.

* "Fear of a Ginger Planet by Public Enemy."
(via @dotmund)

* "...pot calling the kettle ginger" (via
@betsymartian)

* "Winston Churchill by his own admission was
often visited by the ginger dog of
depression." (via @joemuggs)

* "...and as Ginger Rod approaches the chamber
of the House..." (via @joemuggs)

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: MINI MUSIC FESTIVAL IN MEMORY OF NINA/JESSIE
Purplestock

Kerry Mountain writes, "Charity music festival
in memory of my girlfriend, Jan 29th 2011 in
Derby."
http://www.purplestock.net

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Jobs Challenge

Last week we wanted you to make boring jobs
interesting.

Your favourites included:

* HULK - another dull day at the office
enlivened by an unusual vistor (maninthespoon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10304164

* POST - children's TV favourite Postman Pat
gets a modern urban makeover (The Twisted
Omentum)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10301606

* COCK - painting the Forth Bridge is an endless
task. Here's a way to brighten up the job
(Smallbrainfield)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10299717

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/jobs/

>> New challenge: Ghosts! <<
They're everywhere, and yet they're nowhere. Or
are they? This week's challenge is a single word
classic: Ghosts! Thanks to The Magic of Chutney
for the suggestion (that we sat on for two
years, he he.)
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/ghosts/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING #2
Cameron Truth, Star Map, Homeless Appliances

>> David Cameron remix challenge <<
"I downloaded David Cameron's New Year podcast
from number10.gov.uk, then cut 'n' pasted until
he sounded more truthful," chirps jaunty
jarad75.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/David_Cameron_remix_challenge

>> Make your own star map <<
"I built a massive star map!" brags Mr Trick.
"By gutting an old fibre-optic Christmas tree,
adding a frame, lots of LEDs and putting in
dozens of hours of tedious work, you too can
have the night sky in your bedroom. Or open a
window, if you're the lazy type."
http://www.instructables.com/id/Star-Map/

>> Homeless droids <<
"I think at this time of year it's important to
remember these poor droids," opines frazer.
"After the excitement of Christmas and the
purchasing of shiny new helpers, spare a
thought for the many old units that now find
themselves cast out into the streets."
http://www.homelessdroids.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* B3TANS GIVING UP DRINK - Booze is fuel to
B3ta. Like cars need petrol, Gary Glitter needs
kiddy porn, B3tans need drink. So we salute
brave fools The Log Knows and Monty Props in
their attempt to not drink for a year and raise
money for charity. Money goes to the Stroke
Association (wanking) and Bi-Polar which is a
dangerous plan to buy polar bears for Kerry Katona.
http://www.justgiving.com/Monty-Propps/
http://www.justgiving.com/Esther-Harvey/

* THE REAL STORY BEHIND MENTALS IN THE NEWS -
"Hi B3ta", writes Pat, "It's Pat, Joel's mate
and guitar man in what used to be 7 Seconds of
Love. Hope you are well! Anyway have you heard
of a man called Phil Zimmerman? He was in the
Sun last week for allegedly attacking pregnant
Amanda Holden whilst pretending to be a pigeon,
when he auditioned for Britain's Got Talent. He
didn't do it, all lies! He just looks scary and
she panicked. I've been filming things with Phil
for a while because... there is something
strangely compelling about his crazy anarchist
rants. He recently wrote a 9-page letter to
Boris Johnson about how much he hates Oyster
cards. So here he is ranting about the
internet." Intense stuff - we're glad this guy is
bothering Amanda Holden and not us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHiaqaIrXpM

* HOW TO CONTROL YOUR ONLINE ADDICTION -
MgPerkins writes, "With regards to stickyfiddles
enquiry in the last newsletter I think he may
find the 'leechblock' add-on for firefox a
perfect tool for restricting internet fun. It's
the only way I ever manage to actually do any
research!"
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/4476/

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Tealy & Orangey

Freakyzoid writes, "I've been spending my
evenings recently working on a challenging
little flash puzzle platformer called Tealy &
Orangey that I thought your readers might like.
The idea is that you control two coloured orbs,
and have to get them both to the end zones. As
the levels progress various hazards are added,
and there are a few other twists. In total
there are 20 levels, and currently it seems to
take players around half an hour to forty-five
minutes to complete. It saves your progress
through levels as well - it's intended to be
one of those little lunch-break type
diversions, which I think might suit b3tans
pretty well."

This game is smart. Freakyzoid should make an
iPhone version and cash-in.
http://www.mainlyaboutgames.co.uk/tealyorangey/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your muff.

Things we'd really like to wee include

* IPHONE AP 33/45 - a switch to play all your
MP3s at the wrong speed.

* TALKY BOLLOCKS - we have a fantasy that we
invite interesting people to our shed, people
listen to them from our garden, we film it, & we
call it "SHED | talks"

* SEXY TIME - Should someone want to do a
literary award for the sub-genre of sex worker
confessionals - we've got a name for it: The
Hooker Booker prize.

Shit through our cyber-letterbox and pretend
we're Nick Clegg:
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look at
everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Relate: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Nexus: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Stuff sent in by Punkygirl, chocolatelemming,
Fishcat, pantheruk2358, WiL, thick as a brick,
Darklord, @TheMichaelMoran, @hellokinsella,
laura jordan bambach, glynhandley, scaryduck,
Simon Laird, @thewub, ed.siteman, Jalf
Top Tippery by sandettie light vessel automatic.
Subjlols via @emma_pepparkaka.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.


-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Webmasters at eBay! You may as well remove the
'keep me signed in for today' checkbox from the
login screen as it seems to serve no fucking
purpose whatsoever.

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Vol 972 - Jan. 12, 2011 - The Blonde Medical Dictionary

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

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------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Male Perspectives on Marriage"

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - The Blonde Medical Dictionary

The Blonde Medical Dictionary

Artery.............Study of paintings

Bacteria............Backdoor to cafeteria

Barium..............What to do when treatment fails

Bowel................Letter like A E I O or U

Ceasarean Section....District in Rome

Cat Scan.............Searching for Kitty

Cauterize............Make eye contact with her

Colic................Sheep Dog

Coma.................Punctuation Mark

Congenital...........Friendly

D & C................Where Washington is

Dilate...............To live long

Enema.................Not a friend

Fester................Quicker

Genital...............Non-Jewish

Hang Nail.............Coat Hook

Impotent..............Distinguished, well known

Labor pain............Hurt at work

Morbid................Higher offer

Nitrate...............Cheeper than day

Node..................Was aware of

Outpatient............Person fainted

Post op...............Letter Carrier

Recovery Room.........Place to apholster

Rectum................Dang near Killed Him

Rheumatic.............Amorous

Secretion.............Hiding something

Tablet................Small table

Terminal Illness......Sick at Airport

Tibia.................Country in North Africa

Tumor.................More than One

Urine.................Opposite of 'you're out'

Varicose..............Nearby

Vein..................Conceited

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE CHRISTMAS TOYS AND GIFTS - BARBIE DOLL - THE NON CHRISTMAS ATHEIST VERSION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/171684.html

USAF THUNDERBIRD'S - FLYBY DISNEY WORLD - 4 - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/171777.html

WOW! KELLY OSBOURNE UGLY BATHING SUIT vs NEW BODY AND BIKINI! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/171987.html

MILITARY AIRCRAFT - CANADIAN JET CLOSE NOSE VIEW! - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/172096.html

STRANGE EVENING GOWNS - NICKI MINAJ - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/172111.html

WADING OUT FROM SHORE - THE FISHING IS GREAT! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/172128.html

LAS VEGAS MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC PICTURES - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/172129.html

UGLY SUPER CAR - OROCHI - 4 SHOT SEQUENCE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/172131.html

ANNA LYNN MCCORD - 90210 STAR - GROWTH SPURT? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/172142.html

SECRET PICTURES OF CHINESE J-20 STEALTH FIGHTER! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/172162.html

STRANGE TRAVEL - AERIAL VIEW OF CARIBBEAN ISLAND FORT - RAMPART - MOATS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/172164.html

HUGE SEAPLANE LANDING ON LAKE - LOOK OUT IN THE TINY LITTLE BOAT - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/172165.html

STRANGE MILITARY VEHICLES - TANK TREADS - STRANGE GUN? WHAT IS THIS? - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/172166.html

STRANGE BMW SLEEK LOW ROADSTER - BMW MUSEUM - GERMANY - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/172167.html

WORST BOMB TECHNICIAN JOB - - DUD TESTER - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/172168.html

STRANGE RAIN CLOUD FORMATION WITH RAINBOW OVER UTAH CORN FIELD - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/172169.html

STRANGE CALENDARS AROUND THE WORLD - HOT MORMON MUFFINS? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/172170.html

STRANGE CONCEPT STV'S (SUPER TERRAIN VEHICLES) - SHADOW HAWK - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/172171.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SS - SPORTS NEWS ANCHORS & REPORTERS - ESPN - HOT

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/101155_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Global Warming! Global Warming! - 1922? - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/172159.html

Strange Non-Standard Units of Measurement (Handy Engineering Conversions) - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/170609.html

Strange Stupid Sports Quotes - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/168801.html

10 Strange Laws Around the World - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/167246.html

Top 10 Movie Quotes of All Time - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/167205.html

Strange Signs on Church Property - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/167637.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - SPORTS NEWS ANCHORS & REPORTERS - ESPN - HOT

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 971 - Jan. 09, 2011 - Strange 'CAKE' Personality Test

Check out the Largest Collection of Images and Jokes on the Internet!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Quotes & Toasts of The Day - STRANGE "Media" QUOTES

"The telephone company is urging people to please not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break to give away a pair of Phil Collins tickets to caller number 95." - Los Angeles d. j. (after the February 1990 earthquake)

"Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock." - Ben Hecht

"Journalism consists largely in saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive." - G. K. Chesterton

The difference between listening to a radio sermon and going to church...is almost like the difference between calling your girl on the phone and spending an evening with her."
Dwight L. Moody quotes

"New York: the only city where people make radio requests like "This is for Tina - I'm sorry I stabbed you" - Carol Leifer quotes

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -'CAKE' Personality Test

Take this cake personality test; then, send this e-mail on to others.

When you send this e-mail on, put your cake in the subject box above. No cheating. Pick your cake then, look to see.

If you were buying a cake and you had your choice of the following, which would you choose:

Angel food

Brownies

Lemon Meringue

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing

Strawberry Short Cake

Chocolate on Chocolate

Ice Cream

Carrot Cake

NO...you can't change your mind once you scroll down So think carefully, what your choice will be!!!

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you:

Angel food ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being child-like and immature at times.

Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, &articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing ... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life, very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad, however, you are a friend for life.

Strawberry Short Cake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly-emotional and annoying at times.

Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

Ice Cream... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. ! People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE GINGERBREAD HOUSES - CHRISTMAS CANDY ALL OVER! - LONDON BRIDGE - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/171585.html

STRANGE MOVING CHRISTMAS LIGHTS - SEMI TRUCK - REINDEER AND ALL! - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/171630.html

GWENETH PALTROW - CRAZY SEXY WRAP AROUND OPEN DRESS! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/171977.html

OLDE LONDON CITY PICTURES - TURN OF THE CENTURY - OLD BELL TAVERN & HOTEL - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/172029.html

FIRST RARE PICTURES OUT FROM N. KOREA - LUXURY SPA PATRONS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/172033.html

GYMNASTICS DANGERS - FLOOR EXERCISE LADY KNOCKS HERSELF LOOPY - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/172034.html

STRANGE BLUE FACED MONKEYS - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/172035.html

GAIDA De LAURENTIS - SEXY BLUE BIKINI - 3 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/172043.html

THE FOOD CHANNEL HOTTIES - SANDRA LEE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/172048.html

STRANGE & GOOFY BARBIE DOLLS & PALS - AGING! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/172049.html

STRANGE & GOOFY BARBIE DOLLS & PALS - BABIES FIRST MINI BAR - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/172061.html

5 MILITARY TANKS BLASTING AWAY AT THE SAME TIME - NOTE PROJECTILES LEAVING THE BARREL - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/172074.html

RUSSIAN AIRCRAFT CARRIER ADMIRAL KUZNETSOV - NOTE UP RAMP DESIGN - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/172075.html

STRANGE EVENING GOWNS - PHOEBE PRICE - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/172108.html

MOTORCYCLE PROBLEM - SPARKS! - TRUCKS COME WITH LOAD LIMITS - MAYBE MOTORCYCLES SHOULD TOO! - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/172119.html

TWO GIRAFFE'S - HEY MEET MY PAL HERE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/172120.html

3 LITTLE GIRLS GROW UP 15 YEARS LATER - SAME SMILES! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/172121.html

STRANGE WINTER DANGERS - LOST ON MOVING ICE FLOE - HEADING OUT TO SEA! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/172122.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - CONCEPT CARS - WILD DESIGNS - GM - FORD - CHRYSLER - JAPANESE - EUROPEAN

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100707_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Senior Moments, Tales and Advice - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/171958.html

God vs. Science - The NOT so Smart Professor - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/171959.html

The Strange Story of Hanging a Elephant In Tennessee in 1916 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/172031.html

BILL GATES vs GENERAL MOTORS - This IS FUNNY! - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/172123.html

The Top 5 Most Counterfeited Items Sold Online - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/168674.html

Pilots & Mechanics With a Sense of Humor - http://www.strangeMilitary.com/content/item/168720.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SV - CONCEPT CARS - WILD DESIGNS - GM - FORD - CHRYSLER - JAPANESE - EUROPEAN

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Ultimate Frisbee is not a real sport. It's just shit*"

 

This Week:
* QUORA - Cwora, Kia-Ora etc
* SWEDEMASON - Back with a message for his haters
* BUSES - Attacked in frightening video

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're raving,
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | we're raving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"

B3ta email 461 - 7 Jan 2011

Load this issue into a C64 using a Woolworths C15:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue461/

Marriage: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Divorce: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Buy a big fuck off NAS

As it's new year we haven't sold an ad, so it's
time to pimp the last thing we bought from
Amazon. An NAS, or 'Network-attached storage',
is a box with hard disks in it that you plug
into your router and it backs up your
computers. Dreadfully useful if you actually
give a damn about your data, your family
photos, your work projects etc. With the move
to both casualisation of the workforce (i.e.
more of you than ever are working from home)
and everything; your books, your photos
becoming increasingly digital, you need to care
about this stuff. Buy a box like this, bung
some drives in, learn about the different
levels of RAID, else you're fucked basically.
Fucked like a Clegg.
http://goo.gl/rPXZA

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
We're going to walk round West Park in
Wolverhampton with banner ads on our head, 10p
per mile. All money to Help the Aged (minus
administrative costs).
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Or even over Xmas

>> Quora piss-take <<
The social network of the week is Quora (a name
we can only remember by singing the old Kia-Ora
ad to ourselves), and the press is going mental
for it. Telegraph claiming it'll be bigger than
Twitter, whereas mashable.com runs, "Why Quora
Will Never Be as Big as Twitter." Anyway, props
to our own Tom Scott for causing trouble with
his own take on the situation. BTW: The name
actually means QUestion OR Answer. Not QUim OR
Anus.
http://www.cwora.com

And if you're nosey, here's some tiny bits about
old B3ta history we stuck on Quora:
http://goo.gl/PGV0a


>> The return of Swedemason <<
After Swedemason had a huge webby hit with his Jeremy
Clarkson mash-up, he didn't know what to do
next. It's got to be bigger, it's got to be
better; a crisis that hits many of us who've
attempted creative work in the public space.
Swedey writes, "I've built up quite a lot of
random clips, so I thought I'd stick some
of them together. I'm on my last YouTube life
and this vid is pretty much asking for it." It's
all rather fabulous, a defence of sampling
culture with massive ego shouts of 'Swede Mason'
all over it. Makes us feel nostalgic for the KLF
it does, as shouting their own name was a trick
they were fond of. And Utah Saints.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Magpie_music

>> Mental Google charts <<
"I've been using Science and Googles to
investigate the claims of famous proverbs. These
are the results," writes mofaha. We believe the
correct response is "lol".
http://nverbs.blogspot.com/

>> Post-apocalypse-themed New Year's Day party <<
Cap'n writes, "I made a film! It is a how-to
guide! About how to turn New Year's Day into a
post-apocalypse-based LARPING-type theme party
time! Hooray!" Arguably this is a bit late for
us to run, but Cap'n has filmed it so well and
with such charm it deserves to be seen. If he
hasn't got an industry job already, then someone
should sort him one out.
http://goo.gl/V9GzU

>> Homeless Golden-Voiced Guy (Northern Dub) <<
Unless you've been under a rock fucking the soil
you can't have missed the radio voice homeless
guy. Props to Leemondus for his amusing re-edit.
http://goo.gl/1hqUL

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK 1
Villain of the Year 2010

After our handy list of great people of the year
comes B3ta's top whatever cunts of the year. You
probably won't be surprised to find the same
people on both lists:
http://b3ta.com/questions/villainoftheyear2010/

* The Pope - "Got to be. Promoting homophobic
policies: check. Demonizing condoms in AIDS
hotzones: check. Being anachronistically
misogynistic: check. Banging on about the
holiness of poverty while sat on a 12ft high
GOLDEN THRONE: check. But for deliberately
obstructing police investigations into child
abuse, deliberately moving abusive priests
into new areas with fresh children to abuse,
deliberately blaming anyone else other than
himself and the church, while all the time
trying to paint himself as somehow on the
moral high ground and the 'real victim' in
all this: big fat fucking 12 FOOT HIGH GOLDEN
CHECK." (Amish Information Systems)

* The unknown disturbed person who trapped a
wasp in my wheelie bin (Brigadier)

* Old Father Time - "What do you mean I'm
35 now?! When the fuck did that happen? Time.
You. Cunt." (Thebigfella)

Plus the following list of usual suspects:
Hulk Hogan, David Cameron. Douglas Adams,
Charlie Gilmore, Nick Clegg, Rupert Murdoch,
That woman in the advert who mimes ISA ISA
baby, Julian Assange, Simon Cowell, Bob Crow,
Baldmonkey!, Whoever it was who gave me
Norovirus, Tesco, Michael Macintyre and, last
but most definitely least, Piers Morgan.

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK 2
Worst Bands Ever

We wanted to know the worst band you'd ever
seen. Who made your ears bleed, your brain
dribble and your unborn children cry:
http://b3ta.com/questions/worstband/

There can be only one answer. Read on:

* THE AIMLESS DOVEPUPPETS - "are a band I've
invented as a kind of litmus test for hipsters.
They're coming up in Hoxton, I tell them. They're
about to break big time. I've got their first
EP on first-press seven inch vinyl. Only the
boring black vinyl though, not the super-rare,
only-five-ever-made picture vinyl with the
hand-inked sleeve. They're a kind of post-fusion,
post-colonial electro hip-hop feminist collective
who happen to play gigs when they're not sitting
in dark corners and cutting themselves. I then
see how people respond:

"I've never heard of them. Are you sure you're not
making it up?" A good person. Buy them a drink.
This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

"Yeah, I've heard of them. My friend's got the
*gold* vinyl." Wanker, avoid.

"I liked them about three months ago." You feel
that itch in your knuckles? That's God's way of
telling you to smite. No jury would convict you!
Attack! Kill! (universalpsykopath)

>> This Week's Question: House guests <<
Had someone come to stay and simply not leave?
Throw up over your curtains and pretend it wasn't
them? Felt like burying them under the patio?
Calm down, and tell us all about it here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/houseguests/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Generic Dr Pepper <<
It's pretty easy to brand most generic fizzy
drinks; "cola", "lemonade" etc. A knock-off
version of Dr Pepper presents more of a
challenge:
http://postmyportfolio.com/Generic_Dr_Pepper.htm

>> Detroit in ruins <<
A series of extraordinary photographs of
derelict buildings in Detroit. Globalisation
killing cities - what a joyous time we live in.
http://goo.gl/h5fw3

>> Suffolk's top icon - Cradle of Filth <<
Suffolk's tourist board has been embarrassed
after a poll to find the UK county's most iconic
image turned up death metal frontman Dani Filth
as the winner. Clearly the vote was gamed, but
we know quite a few people from Suffolk who
would genuinely vote for that guy. So proud.
http://goo.gl/rxe07

>> Common misconceptions <<
A list of common misconceptions, so you can be
that irritating twat who always pipes up with
"actually, that's a myth..." Examples include
Napoleon was not especially short, vikings
didn't wear horns on their helmets, ostriches
don't bury their heads in the sand.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_common_misconceptions

>> Very specific stock photos <<
There's a special pleasure in searching out
stock photography that's suitable only for very,
very niche situations. For example, "women
laughing alone with salad".
http://goo.gl/EOqTG

Try it for yourself, maybe try to find a new
kind of googlewhack. We liked looking for
couples in bed where the bloke is grumpy, a
classic pic for stories about impotence, and
angry people on phones.
http://www.stockphotofinder.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Set your VHS - b3ta's gonna play some funnies

>> Bus being attacked <<
Viewer discretion advised, due to the possibly
distressing nature of this footage of a bus
having a panic attack.
http://goo.gl/956rL

>> Quickfire gag anim <<
If you like your humour fast and eclectic, then
here's a treat for you.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/asdfmovie3

>> Newly-discovered photographer Vivian Maier <<
News piece about a bloke discovering a reclusive
nanny's enormous secret cache of the amazing
street photography she took over the years.
Really worth a look.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Photographer_Vivian_Maier

>> Strictly Come Dancing: Argentina <<
We can only thank Christ that the UK's version
of the show isn't as raunchy as this. That goes
double for when Anne Widdecombe was on it.
Strictly NSFW depending on your workplace's
policy on soft pornography.
http://goo.gl/EcG3q

>> The Bizarre World of the Bisexual <<
Vintage public information-style animation,
advising you how to identify, and avoid
inadvertently socialising with, the Bisexual.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Bizarre_World_of_the_Bisexual

>> Truly awesome redub of Bon Jovi <<
St Sanders has been redubbing iconic videos for
some time now, but this Bon Jovi one is new to
us. Beautiful operatic silliness ensues...
http://goo.gl/uBwbC

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Redefining funny to the opposite since 1977

* BATTLE OF KOCK - who hasn't battled their kocks
amongst men in the showers? We're doing it now
and we're not even wet. (via bowi555)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Kock_%281939%29

* OMG OMG OMG! PHALLIC LOGO AND POO IN A CAN! -
majoringram writes, "Colchester zoo are selling
rhino shit for 'gardening purposes', not for
people with zoo scat fetishes, no. On that very
page in the bottom left you may also notice the
logo that looks like a knob porking some vag."
http://goo.gl/C8AQV

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA Y2011K BUG
Site stricken in codey blow

Come the new year and we were amused to find our
admin pages for challenges wouldn't let us stick
up anything past Dec 31st 2010. Cr3 fixed it, of
course, but the problem was a form written in
2001 that assumed 2001-2010 would be enough for
the life of B3ta. We're still here. Which is as
much as a surprise to us as anyone else. This
will be our 10th year. Wonder if we'll be around
to hit the Y2021k bug we've replaced the code
with?

BTW: Don't email in complaining about the K in
Y2011K, it's there to make the visual work,
rather than to literally mean 1,000.

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE

Results from the Unlikely Babies Challenge

Last week we wanted you to depict celebrity
offspring

Your favourites included:

* BUNNY - when Roger and Jessica rabbit breed
like rabbits, the results are not entirely
perfect (taters)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10295988

* ALIEN - Katy Perry! Lieutenant Spock! My eyes!
My eyes! (Zoidaroid)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10296608

* NIGHTMARE - Freddie Kruger with wife and
lovely child (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10296007

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/unlikelybaby/

>> New challenge: Boring Jobs <<
This week's challenge is to enliven the lives of
the downtrodden with new, fun ways of doing
mundane jobs. Challenge suggested by
Smallbrainfield.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/jobs/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* B3TA NEWSLETTER USES RUDE WORD SHOCK - adam
writes, "So I was looking for a message in my
email inbox which I was pretty sure contained
the word "penis," and after performing the
search, the WHOLE SCREEN was taken up by past
b3ta newsletters." Sorry Adam, we're very proud
of our penises and rather like sticking them in
your inbox.

* EVIL PLANS TO GET RICH - wolfie writes, "Re:
b3ta review of the year and your HD copies of
the audio from Buffy's Swearing Keyboard... Sell
it as ringtones? I have stacks of fun setting
'zebra bastard zebra zebra zebra zebra fucker'
as my ringtone and trying to answer it in
meetings before it gets to the 'fucker'." This
is a great idea but we don't have the attention
span needed to get rich, and it makes us feel a
bit grubby trying to hawk things like ringtones.
However, considering the state of the economy
we'll be eating these words by Easter and trying
to flog you cock pills with every newsletter.

* GET WELL SOON BRIAN BLESSED - Jahled writes,
"Terry got in contact with Brian Blessed and
told me today he is apparently extremely ill.
Given his age, and love of food and ale, we can
only cross our fingers :("

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* WIKIFAKES - As most of these Wikieaks are on
IP addresses and mirrors these days, you could
be on any old site and not know the authenticity
of this stuff. Someone should hack together a
site on a mysterious IP address that looks
exactly like wikileaks, has all the same cables,
but you can also create your own. Then forward
them to the press and see what trouble you can
make. Lots, we reckon.

* MAC APP STORE LOLS - Make an app called "drunk
people test" and sell it for £100. If you open
it says, "You're obviously drunk; you bought
this piece of shit for £100" Then retire on your
profits.

* INTERNET FUN BREAK - stickyfiddle asks, "Can
someone make an app/program that only lets me
read all the fun things on the internet for 5
minutes per hour while I work, but still lets me
use the sites I need to do my job?" This sounds
like an ideal replacement for cig breaks for
those who don't smoke. It's only fair.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Wanking: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Crying: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Mushroom, Professor
Kenny Martin, lord turkey boy, Cowardly Lion,
Darklord, WiL, libertinelynch, @revdancatt, Crap
Little Monkey, bachgammon, Bela Lugosi's Dad,
Smale, Paper_clip, the_log_knows Additional
linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.

* This is not an opinion. It is fact. Actually,
we stuck in this frisbee diss after a request
from a /talk member who wished this bit to be
used for "light hearted bullying purposes."

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:

Yay for Viz. Your Ginger Fuhrer was delighted to
see a comment of his retweeted by Viz for their
Top Tips section. It got over 100 RTs and made
us very, very proud. We've finally made it in
some tiny way in Viz world. It's like getting a
pat on head from the Queen.

Here is the golden tweet:

@VizTopTips GEORGE OSBORNE.Stick fruit machines
in the post office so when the poor pick up
their benefits, it goes right back?

-------------------------------------------------

What happened to Pete Postlethwaite? If you were
wondering what did the poor guy in, here's a
possible clue:
http://www.durbartandoori.co.uk/HTML/ourmenu.html

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Vol 970 - Jan. 05, 2011 - Strange Laws Around The World

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Irish Quotes - Gearing up for St. Patricks Day:

"The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent." - Hugh Leonard

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat." - Alex Levine

"In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs." - Sir John Pentland Mahaffy

"I'm troubled, I'm dissatisfied. I'm Irish." - Marianne Moore "Spenser's Ireland"

"St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time -- a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into summer's magic." - Adrienne Cook

"This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever." - Sigmund Freud (about the Irish)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Laws Around The World

Check out these nutty laws from across the U.S.A. and around the globe!

* In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as "the old ball 'n' chain."

* In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a waiter to tell a customer "I'm really an actor."

* In Indiana, it's against the law to dress "Barbie" in "Ken's" clothes.

* In Sedona, Ariz., it's illegal to lie about your astrological sign.

* In Texas, it's illegal to threaten somebody with an UNLOADED gun.

* In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your wife's birthday.

* In Australia, it's illegal to name any animal you plan to eat.

* In Cannes, France, it's illegal to wear a Jerry Lewis mask.

* In New Jersey, answering a traffic cop who asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" by saying, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" is an automatic $300 fine.

* In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.

* In Portugal, it's against the law to pee in the ocean.

* In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.

* In Vermont, it's illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.

* In Tennessee, it's illegal to tell someone to quit smoking.

* In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter.

* In Georgia, it's illegal to teach a child under 5 the words "penis" and "vagina."

* Unmarried women are not allowed to buy edible panties in South Carolina.

* In Italy, anyone considered "obese" is forbidden from wearing polyester.

* It's illegal to tear a phone book in half in Montana.

* Anyone caught selling a "smoothie" that has lumps is breaking the law in California.

* In Arkansas, it's illegal for a woman getting married for the second time to wear a white wedding gown.

* In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to put a dollar on a string on the ground and yank it when someone tries to pick it up.

* In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call it a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE RIOT SQUAD FUN - DON'T CONFRONT RIOT COP WITH STUN GUN! - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/171372.html

STRANGE PATROL SQUAD FUN - PIN FLEEING DRIVER TO THE WALL - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/171374.html

WORST CHRISTMAS CARDS EVER - THE "A" TEAM - GUESS WHAT "A" STANDS FOR! - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/171635.html

STRANGE OLDE STARS & CELEBS - RAQUEL WELCH - SEXY OUTFIT - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/171840.html

STRANGE STORY OF MR ALLEN SWIFT - OWNED SAME 1928 ROLLS ROYCE FOR 82 YEARS! - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/171939.html

CLASSIC OLDE BEER TRUCKS - NATIONAL AND LOCAL BREWS - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/171941.html

STRANGE LITTLE GIRL GETS COOL FACE PAINT - TIGER! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/171944.html

NEW ALTERNATIVE USAF RANK CHART - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/171945.html

STRANGE RIVERBOAT - FLAT BOTTOM AND FLAT TOP! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/171946.html

HUGE MOTH - LOOK OUT MOTHRA! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/171947.html

COLORFUL BIRD HAVING LUNCH - SCORPION! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/171948.html

HUGE COAL CONTAINER SHIP RUNS ASHORE IN NEW CASTLE - PASHA BULKER - AGROUND AGAIN! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/171949.html

STRANGE V-8 POWERED SNOWMOBILE - FAST! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/171951.html

OCEAN DANGERS - BOAT HITS LARGE WAVE HEADING OUT THE COLUMBIA RIVER - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/171952.html

R U REGISTERED FOR THE DRAFT? UNCLE SAME WANTS YOU - ACTION GIF - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/171953.html

STRANGE OLDE MAGAZINE ADS - FAT BANISHED - TAPEWORMS - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/171954.html

STRANGE JAPANESE VERSION OF BATMOBILE - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/171955.html

FARM FUN - STRANGE SAUSAGE GIRL WITH SAUSAGE BOUQUET! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/171956.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - PUZZLES - STRANGE ITEMS

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100303_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Puns for Educated Minds - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/171935.html

Strange Facts and Theories About ONIONS! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/171940.html

Strange Demographics of U.S. Newspapers - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/171943.html

Strange Thoughts and Observations - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/171950.html

Strange Rules of a Gun Fight - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/171957.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - PUZZLES - STRANGE ITEMS

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/108_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 969 - Jan. 02, 2011 - 13 Reasons Why a Handgun is Better than a Woman

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Silly" Quotes:

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - 13 Reasons Why a Handgun is Better than a Woman

13 REASONS WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:

1) You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

2) You can trade a .44 for two .22's.

3) You can have a handgun at home and another for the road.

4) If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will be impressed and let you try a few rounds with it.

5) Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.

6) Your handgun will stay with you even if you are out of ammo.

7) A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

8) Handguns function normally every day of the month.

9) A handgun won't ask, "Do these grips make me look fat?"

10) A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after you're done using it.

11) You can have more than one handgun living in the same house without having problems.

12) A handgun doesn't care how big your trigger finger is.

13) A handgun won't tell all of its friends if you are a "little fast on the trigger"…

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

ANGRY WIFE AWAITING HUBBY'S LATE RETURN - PUNSIHMENT ACCORDING TO LATENESS - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/171291.html

HOT BLONDES DRESSED AS CARTOON CHARACTERS - 1 - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/171348.html

OLDE BOXING TRAINING MACHINE - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/171553.html

STRANGE OLDE STARS & CELEBS - THE BEATLES - WIVES & FRIENDS AND THE MAHARISHI YOGI - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/171843.html

AMAZING FLYOVER PICTURES OF EUROPE - PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/171871.html

STRANGE 2011 NEW YEARS AD CAMPAIGN FOR DENTAL ASSOC - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/171923.html

AMAZING ACTION GIF - MINNESOTA STADIUM ROOF COLLAPSES FROM HEAVY SNOW - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/171924.html

AMAZING PACIFIC COAST BEACH VIEW FROM PEBBLE BEACH GOLF COURSE TEE # 17 - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/171925.html

STRANGE FIRE TORNADO - HOUSE BURNING DOWN - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/171926.html

STRANGE ACTION GIF - UNIVERSITY MARCHING BANDS STICK FIGURE KICKS FIELD GOAL! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/171927.html

STRANGE ZOO FUN - GIRAFFES PLAYING LEAP FROG - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/171928.html

STRANGE ICE SCULPTURE - UFO SPACESHIP - PURPLE GLOW AT NIGHT - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/171929.html

STRANGE TOUR DE FRANCE YELLOW JERSEY BLOW UP PARADE FLOAT - VW BASE - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/171930.html

STRANGE FERRARI F1 RACER TRANSPORT - 2 FIT ON TOP - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/171931.html

TIGER WOODS AT PEBBLE BEACH - HIDING BEHIND A TREE - WHO'S FOLLOWING ME? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/171932.html

STRANGE FUN PICTURE - FIND THE 50 MOVIE TITLES HIDDEN! - http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/171933.html

SURFERS CHECK OUT HUGE DANGEROUS BREAKING WAVES! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/171934.html

STRANGE TOMBSTONES AND GRAVE MARKERS - FISHERMAN? - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/150000.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - STRANGE MOVIE PROPS - VEHICLES - SETS & SCENES

http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/category/100764_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Famous Mothers - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/116252.html

Strange Cat & Kitten Trivia - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/116592.html

Strange 'Idle Thoughts' - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/117977.html

For Those Planning to Visit Detroit - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/25449.html

Strange Laws in California - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/103468.html

The Strange History of Albert Einstein - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/150537.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE MOVIE PROPS - VEHICLES - SETS & SCENES

http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/category/136_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All the "Strange" Family Websites

Old Pictures & Images - History - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/

Farmers - Crops - Tractors - Farm Animals - http://www.strangefarmer.com/

Racing! - F1 - NASCAR - Dirt Bikes - http://www.strangeracer.com/

Blondes - Celebs - Models - Musicians - http:www.StrangeBlondes.com/

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

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