This Week: * UKIP - does the Shipping Forecast * NOEL - Gallagher on Oasis vids * HENRY KELLY - in his own words ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Quotes" ___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| B3ta email 615 - 24 Jan 2014 Drokk this newsletter up something nasty: http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue615 Pingu : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Bingu : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK >> First playthrough of Prophet Quest << Reviewer Jason Basquette (aka somegreybloke) gets to grips with a new game that lets you experience what it must be like to found your own religion. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1127834 >> Beard? << Beard! Beard? Beard! That's all, according to williamandrews http://www.b3ta.com/links/Beard:3 >> Mating Dance << "Hot stuff," writes Butters. Grotesque, but oddly mesmerising. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mating_Dance ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Bad Smells Last week we asked for your smelliest stories. These ones reeked: http://b3ta.com/questions/smells/ * GUFF LOVE - "You know that thing where you can stand the smell of your own guffs, but not other people's? So you can drop the most rancid Guinness fart in the world and sit there quite happily while everyone else is retching? "Once at work, I popped into the loo to strain my greens and was greeted by the smell of a previous occupant's sit down visit. What utterly freaked me out was that although the farty smell was clearly not my own, I could quite happily stand to smell it. It smelled like I'd done it. I'd unwittingly stumbled on my very own guffleganger. I am to this day a little disturbed by the incident." (mictoboy) * FROG HOLOCAUST -"If the school caretaker forgets about the bowl of tadpoles you put on the nature table when he closes the school for Easter break, they tend to die. After 2 weeks, this creates a smell so odious and vile that the first girl into the classroom at the start of the new term will almost immediately vomit all over the floor. "The next girl in can now smell dead tadpoles and vomit, and so a chain reaction of puking begins. 6 girls sent home, 4 classrooms closed for 2 days until the smell went away and one caretaker reprimanded for allowing the tadpoles to stay there and stink up the place." (Smash Monkey) * DUTCH OVEN - "A friend of mine, L, has been seeing her other half, R, since long before I knew her. On one occasion, she was telling a group of us a story about the first time she and he went camping. R is lactose intolerant; the merest exposure to lactose means that he's generating foul stenches from his behind for hours. "Unbeknownst to either of them, R had eaten something with milk in it at some point in the evening. His insides were beginning to bubble just as he and L turned in for the night. 'I don't believe in any of that race-memory or collective unconscious stuff,' L said, 'but I am Jewish; and there I was, in a dark, confined space, slowly being gassed...'" (Enzyme) >> This Week - LITTLE MOMENTS OF JOY << What's made you smile recently? We could do with cheering up: http://b3ta.com/questions/momentsofjoy/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> UKIP Shipping Forecast << Beautiful work, as the chap's delivery is so spot on. >> Traveling in a Boeing 747 in the 70s << The 70s was very much the golden age of air travel, according to these amazing pictures. Even the economy seats seem to have had an extra 3m or so of headroom. Extraordinary. >> Fake signs in London underground << Old-school, but good. Guerrilla art project puts up legitimate-looking but sarcastic stickers over the top of existing London Underground information signs. http://fotozup.com/fake-signs-in-london-underground/ >> Craigslist mirrors << Bloke scours the auction sites for pictures of mirrors. In case it's not obvious, the real interest is in what the keen vendor has accidentally allowed to be reflected in the product pictures. >> Man chest-Spanx << T-shirts that claim to squeeze your unslightly man-belly into muscular shapes pleasing to the eye. Hmm. Seems legit. http://theflatteringman.com/?view=preview >> Who is Henry Kelly? << Affable daytime TV personality Henry Kelly tells us about himself via the medium of "Going for Gold" clues. http://whoishenrykelly.tumblr.com/?og=1 >> Me and my Spectrum << Sweet, nostalgic site - children of the 80s pictured with their ZX Spectrums. Warning: May contain excessive 1980s haircuts http://meandmyzxspectrum.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> Noel Gallagher rips the piss out of old Oasis vids << Always good value, the older Gallagher brother, here in DVD commentary form. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1126578 >> Weird cat << Skip to 0:17 for the lolz. Odd trope - so many cat videos are in portrait format. Don't know why that might be, just an observation. http://www.b3ta.com/links/weird_cat >> Stop-motion dystopian sci-fi << Amazing bit of work, apparently made by one person over the course of four years. NSFW due to monster dong. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1125650 >> YouTube Comment Reconstruction #6 << We really love these - two Shakespearian actors re-enact a comment storm on the YouTube vid "Soccer Player Accidentally Slaps A Referee's Boobs" - and there's more than a hint of Shakespeare about the language, somehow. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1126791 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Zero Gravity Challenge Last week we asked you to celebrate weightlessness Your favourites included: * SMUG: croissant-chewing man meme floats further afield (Ya Wahat?) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11049547 * WEEEEEE: monochrome spaceman locates orbit and hovers with hoover (amoebaboy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11049519 * TRIGGER: classic comedy caper sees departed thespian thwarted (HappyToast) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11049784 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/zero-gravity/ >> New challenge: Putin's Olympics << The Winter Olympics are almost here, and if Vladimir Putin had his way he'd win every medal himself. So this week's challenge is ridicule him, and his silly Winter Games. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/putin/ ------------------------------------------------- Dingos ate my baby: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Ringo's ate my baby: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with kindly smiles from David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by joetotale, PhosphorBurnedEyes, sinisterduck, taters, Tupperware Box Full of Angry Bumble Bees, H.B.Mupps, bill g christmas, Finite Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Look. Here: http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/
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