Vol 721 - Aug 17, 2008 - At The Beep.........

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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Strange Quotes - Things You Shouldn't Do.....

"Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing." - Buddy Hackett

"Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just get elected, then get even." - James Carville

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." - Janis Joplin

"Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity." - Nick Diamos

"Never believe in mirrors or newspapers." - Tom Stoppard

"Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon." - Jilly Cooper

"Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store." - Miss Piggy

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - At The Beep..

AT THE BEEP..."

Actual Answering Machine Messages Recorded and Verified By The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages:

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages.

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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1980 AMERICAN MOTORS CONCEPT 'JAVELIN' - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/140887.html

HUGE MOTH! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/141053.html

STRANGE LIGHTHOUSES - ENOSHIMA, JAPAN - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/141127.html

MALGORZATA DYDEK - SUPER TALL - RUSSIAN ARMY BASKETBALL - 3 - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/141264.html

STRANGE "SEE THROUGH" GRAND CANYON BRIDGE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/141564.html

MILITARY CARGO PLANE - ALL DRESSED UP! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/141600.html

OLDE PIX - STEELWORKERS HAVE LUNCH ON SKYSCRAPER I-BEAMS! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141698.html

STRANGE "GUPPY" CARGO PLANE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/141700.html

STRANGE AQUA CAR - 2 - THE AQUADA - WATERSKIING! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/141706.html

MONKEY LIKES THE PICTURES YOU TOOK! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/141712.html

STRANGE "PIMPED" MOTORCYCLE WITH SIDECAR - 4 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/141724.html

STRANGE TANK EQUIPMENT - HUGE LIFT! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/141769.html

6 MILITARY JETS IN FORMATION! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/141773.html

STRANGE RIOT SQUADS - EURO DISNEY? - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/141777.html

STRANGE AK-47 GUN FIRE - STOP THAT! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/141778.html

STRANGE BRITISH POLICE - CUTE LITTLE CONVERTIBLES! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/141780.html

STRANGE JAPANESE TRAIN CAR - WITH NURSERY & BABY CRIB! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141788.html

JOSEPH STALIN'S 1957 LADA - RUSSIAN CAR - 1 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/141798.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SZ - HORSES - Ponies - Stallions - Rodeo - Jumping

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/100682_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

9 Strange Uses for Beer - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/141635.html

Strange Irish Toasts - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/141636.html

Comments Made in 1957 - Amazing! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/22953.html

Top 20 OxyMorons - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/23359.html

Brainteasers - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/23970.html

Why English is Such a Difficult Language - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/24429.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SZ - HORSES - Ponies - Stallions - Rodeo - Jumping

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/136_1.html

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Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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[b3ta] "What's the name of the condition that killed off..."

...a popular black singer who was a hit with all the
chicks - STROKE! - damn right!
This Week:
* EXPERIMENT - Electric kettle vs. gas hob
* WIN - Write a limerick and nab Joel's Album
* WEEBL - tribute to Ladytron

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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"

B3ta email 341 - 15 Aug 2008

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue341/

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: SPONSORED LINK
Too hung over on Saturdays to play football?

The Premiership kicks off on Saturday, so sign
up to The Times Fantasy Football and pick your
team today. You have £100milion to spend on
players from the Prem and SPL. Register a team
for £3, or get 3 teams for 6 quid. The prize
fund is £100,000
http://tinyurl.com/5d5oat

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Scrambled webs, boiled water, Weebl & limericks

>> Interweb anagrammator <<
"You've probably all seen the 'Paomnnehel
pweor of the hmuan mnid' text before," blurts
xlcus, "but now you can try reading your
favourite websites in the same style!" This is
fricking awesome, although reading the b3ta
message-board through it made our eyes hurt
after a bit.
http://readingtest.sytes.org/

>> Electric kettle vs. gas hob <<
JimM steps into the surprisingly controversial
debate 'is it cheaper to boil water via kettle
or hob?' "A kettle is more efficient, but
since gas is about a quarter of the price of
electricity, it's cheaper to make a cup of tea
using gas. The difference is a whopping 0.4p."
And blow us down if he hasn't gone and done an
experiment to prove it!
http://snipurl.com/kettleytwats [srimech_blogspot_com]

>> Weebl and Bob <<
Peculiarly, Jonti brings us his take on
Ladytron's You Destroy Everything You Touch
vid. Weebl and Bob are snowy mountains, they
sing about pie.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/destroy/

>> Win Joel's album! <<
Just by jotting down a quick (and preferable
obscene) limerick you could win one of five
signed copies of the swanky new Seven Seconds
of Love album. For those who prefer their
albums unbesmirched by band members' inky
scrawls, here's a direct link to grab it from
amazon too!
http://b3ta.com/links/Write_a_limerick_and_win_Joels_album
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B001D7NTTI/b3ta-21

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
There will be Blood

As part of our occasional series on bodily fluids,
we wanted your bloody stories:
http://b3ta.com/questions/blood/

* PSYCHO GIRLFRIEND - "I used to live three guys
and another girl. Sarah had issues with Alice,
the girlfriend of one of the guys, Jay. We never
discovered why, but S would badmouth A when she
wasn't there and ignore her when she was. [Duh,
she was in love with J, Ed.] Alice would stay over
a fair amount but the rest of us got on with her
fine as she was doing a catering course and had a
real passion for cooking. Sarah was out drinking,
we'd stayed in getting drunk. And high. And then
we got the munchies. Rummaging in the kitchen we
discovered two of those little bottles of fake
blood. "Oooh" thought our twisted drunken minds,
"Fun!" Fun translated into throwing blood at each
other and all over the kitchen, posing for pictures
with blood stained knives and so on. Then the door
bell rang and Alice arrived, somewhat confused by
us looking like we had been mauled by werewolves.
More drinking and smoking and we must have passed
out because the next thing I remember was a scream
and a loud thud. Turns out Sarah has arrived home,
seen us covered in blood and unmoving in the lounge
then gone into the kitchen where Alice was cleaning
the blood off the knives and walls, instantly
concluded that Alice was a psycho knife welding
maniac murderer, screamed, turned to run out the
house, misjudged it and smacked into the door frame
knocking herself clean out. As the only sober person,
Alice then had to drive Sarah to the hospital with
Jay. He reported the journey as being uncomfortably
hilarious, although the girls did get on slightly
better afterwards." (The Grammar Badger)

* NO LONGER BLONDE - "My best friend at school had
a heart defect which meant regular cardiovascular
tests at Gt Ormond Street Hospital that needed a
healthy chum for comparison. After hours of blowing
into tubes and running on treadmills we were rewarded
with a trip to Madame Tussauds. We were very impressed
by waxworks of such heroes as Arnold Schwarzenegger
and Mel Gibson. Then my friend started a nosebleed
(a not uncommon occurrence for him), but his mother
was out of sight and we had no tissues between us.
Thinking quickly, we followed signs to the bathroom
as blood began to seep between the fingers clenched
over his nose. Spotting an exit we dashed into a
stairwell where, finally giving up, my friend leant
over the rail and released his nose. An impressive
fountain of blood gushed forth, but surely here it
could do no harm? Unfortunately, the stairwell was
not empty. Closer inspection revealed a flexible
metal ladder descending from the ceiling above, and,
dangling one floor below us as if from a helicopter,
her trademark turquoise jumpsuit slowly staining
purple and her lovely blonde hair now soiled with
blood and snot, was the pride of Madame Tussauds'
waxwork collection - the legendary Anneka Rice."
(wellgroomedwookiee)

* I GO WITH HO'S - "The bloodmobile had come to
town and I was explaining to my team at work why I
couldn't donate blood. Me: "I've recently had
inoculations so they couldn't use my blood."
Michelle: "Me too, they said I could give blood in
a year or so though." Paul: "I couldn't give blood
because I've recently had the 'flu." Ian: "They
didn't want my blood because I've had sex with
prostitutes..." Every head turned to look at Ian
and our manager spat coffee over his keyboard."
(Colonel Dracula)

>> This Week's Question <<

What priceless junk have you lost because someone
just threw it out?? Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/thrownaway/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Periodic table of awesoments <<
Useful reference to the 118 fundamental
"awesoments" that compose all good things. You
can predict how awesoments will interact by
their relationship and position on the table.
http://www.dapperstache.com/index.php?contenttype=ptoa&title=ptoa

>> Internet meme time line <<
Comprehensive chronological arrangement of
major internet memes. It's interesting looking
back through to those olden days, when a
dancing baby and a coffee pot were sufficient
to hold the world rapt. We vainly tried to
scroll into the future and save work compiling
next week's newsletter.
http://www.dipity.com/user/tatercakes/timeline/Internet_Memes

>> Wooden mirror <<
Still using glass mirrors? Ha! You loser! Wood
is for the win!
http://snipurl.com/iwood [www_environmentalgraffiti_com]

>> Inanimate faces <<
You know your car? That post-box? Your stereo?
The plug socket? The zip on your trousers?
They're ALL LAUGHING AT YOU! Put on your
tinfoil hat!
http://flabbergastedly.com/?p=96

>> eBay dirty laundry in public <<
Scorned wife puts up an auction purely for the
purpose of telling the world of her husband's
cheating ways. AAA++ amusing read. Probably
would not buy again though.
http://snipurl.com/ebastards [cgi_ebay_com]

>> The quest for every beard <<
This hirsute chap has made it his goal to grow
and wear every type of facial hair ever to be
catalogued. Basically, he's saved you months
of effort to look like a dick-head - some
styles are decidedly inferior to a naked chin.
http://www.dyers.org/blog/beards/beard-types/

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
You've Been Framed's rejected clips

>> Dark Knight trailer by kids <<
Promo for the latest Batman offering, acted
entirely by children. Cute stuff. Next, an
advert for Bugsy Malone performed by capering
pensioners.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/dark_knight_trailer_done_by_kids

>> The Electronic Frontier 1993 <<
BBC Two documentary from Ye Olde Days of Yore.
Fascinating glimpse of the pre-Web techie
world with people talking about 'email' and
'personal computers' and fearing the soaraway
growth of something called 'Microsoft'.
http://snipurl.com/bbcwoo [waxy_org]

>> Barack Roll <<
A surprising amount of work has gone into
chopping Obama footage to make a splendid new
Rickroll. Truly, there's a frightening pool of
misapplied talent out there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65I0HNvTDH4

>> Grandpa John's electric pickle <<
Earnest science-type metaphor for allowing the
power of Christianity into your life. We hope
we are never touched by Jesus - it makes your
juices boil out of you as your head catches on
fire.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JYIJPjpCFc

>> Slow-mo lightning <<
Great lightning bolts crawl across the sky
like big fat snakes. Clearly filmed by someone
with a better camera than ours, it has made us
want to stand out in the garden all night, in
the hopes of photographing something amazing.
http://snipurl.com/knockofwood [gizmodo_com]

>> Animal fights really rock <<
Rambling commentary on the foibles of YouTube
clips that has its cake and eats it. Includes
many, many animals attacking and killing each
other with glee, just as Mother Nature
intended.
http://current.com/items/88958813_viral_video_film_school

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Happy as a dog with three (count them!) cocks

>> China's diving cock <<
The logo for diving events at the Beijing
Olympics rises proudly from the waters like a
meaty Excalibur.
http://snipurl.com/cockyeah [en_beijing2008_cn]

>> Billy McAnally <<
80s Playgirl pinup with a curiously strange
name - something for the ladies. Uh, NSFW btw.
Not that we were looking.
http://snipurl.com/billymcanally [www_blackdogue_net]

>> The giant knob forest <<
Local myth says that if a couple sleep in the
clearing at the head of the shaft, when they
awake they will be covered in pine-smelling
cum.
http://nytoo.rumandmonkey.com/b3ta/cdc_sm.jpg

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Recession Challenge

Last week we wanted to see how life would
be changed by recession.

Your favourites included:

* TELETEXT - b3ta is one of the first to feel
the pinch (kingsuperspecial)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8630681

* McQUEEN - our monarch takes to life
behind the counter with great dignity
(starkandy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8628140

* NOTHING - nothing (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8628044

All these images, and the highest as
voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/recession/

>> New challenge: The Saddest Picture Ever <<
This week's challenge is simple: make
us cry. We want to see the saddest
picture in the world, ever.
Challenge suggested by doctor dyslexia.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/sad/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* RE: RETARDEX - "My dentist recommended
'Retardex' mouthwash," grins Colonel Dracula.
"At the following check-up after 6 months of
using Retardex she told me my teeth were
perfect and gave me a sticker with a big smiley
face that said 'Patient of the day'. I am a
31-year-old accountant, but I went back to work
proudly wearing my sticker grinning like a
mong. I still have the sticker. If I don't get
a sticker next time I might just throw a
tantrum."

* DISSOLVING OYSTER CARDS and sticking them in
watches or magic wands, as recommended a few
issues back, could land you with a fine.
Apparently it's now "the latest craze", which
must make the ticket barriers fun at rush hour.
http://snipurl.com/oysterpoo [london-underground_blogspot_com]

* THE WAR ON TERROR BOARDGAME is dangerous -
official! A copy of b3tard Andrew Sheerin's
satirical game has been confiscated by police
as part of a climate change protesters' weapons
cache.
http://snipurl.com/twatcrime [www_independent_co_uk]

* WEBCAM AIR DRUMKIT - "Saw an interesting air
drum idea in your last issue... so... I thought
I would have a go, raps Wayne. "Try: waving
crazy hands or 'standing in the middle' of shot
or pointing cam at desk and fingers." Didn't
work for us - maybe your luck will be better.
http://glulogic.co.uk/sites/default/files/as3/DrumAnimal.swf

* RECTAL CANCER IS NOT FUNNY snarls
neilasharples. "I would not wish it on anyone.
So ya fucking weirdos I hope your balls turn
black, shrivel and disappear up yer arses." Ah
well, can't please all of the people all of the
time. "Consider me unsubscribed," he continues,
somewhat redundantly.

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: FRIDAY GAME

Write a flash game and win £5k

The competition at E4 continues, and your
newsletter team are in week 3 of writing their
game. We're doing this to encourage YOU to
enter, if that's not clear enough!
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-03.html

Looking for an actual game rather than our sexy
blitherings? Then try this - it's mental.
http://b3ta.com/links/Its_Intensely_annoying_Japanese_game_time

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* CAPITAL ONE CARD PRINTING - you can now and
your images printed on your credit card. The
T&Cs basically say nothing naughty, so can you
game it? We reckon the trick is to use
symbolism that is obscure to the average
punter, e.g. The Shocker.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shocker_(hand_gesture)

* MAKE A BULLDOG OUT OF BULLDOG CLIPS - but
watch out, he nips.

* SELLOTAPEY FOOD EXPERIMENT - store your food
by wrapping it in sellotape instead of cling
film. How long does it stay fresh? What does it
taste like? When you get your sandwiches out at
work, what looks do you get?

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

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Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Phlegmcake,
lusoman, We are the lemon, john s duffy,
TommyShanks, and sarahahahah. Additional
linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via the
great architect.

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TOP TIP:
Authors! Get your book mentioned in the B3ta
newsletter by name-checking us in your novels.
'Tartan noir' writer Christopher Brookmyre has
done just that in crime satire A Snowball in
Hell. The serial killer protagonist posts proof
of his crimes on t'internet. "Christ," he
comments, "The guys at B3ta were using stills
from the video for sick jokes an hour after it
went up."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316027634/b3ta-21

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SICKIPEDIA:
I'm one of those people that likes to have a
shit while I'm reading. This is also the reason
why I'm banned from Waterstones.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 720 - Aug 13, 2008 - Strange & Unusual Facts

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

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NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About 'Character':

Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open. - Elmer G. Letterman

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. - Japanese Proverb

To succeed is nothing, it's an accident. but to feel no doubts about oneself is something very different: it is character. - Marie Leneru, Oprah Magazine, May 2004

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange & Unusual Facts

Here are some unusual facts that you can use to prove superiority to your friends.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.

A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2
teeth every 10 yrs.

People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.

When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ...even your heart. This is why people have always said "God bless you" after a sneeze.

Only 7% of the population are lefties.

40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.

The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.

The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

The average housefly lives for one month.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year. Don't ask how.

A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.

The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.

Among the music catalog's that Michael Jackson owns the rights to, is the South Carolina State anthem.

In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.

The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.

Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth.
They are reused in vein transplant surgery.

Humphrey Bogart and Princess Diana were seventh cousins.

If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE CLOUD FORMATIONS - COVERS MOUNTAIN TOP! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/140861.html

STRANGE FIRE STATIONS - SINGAPORE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/140942.html

STRANGE WOODEN CAR - REAR VIEW - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/140977.html

APC PROBLEM - ALMOST OVER THE BRIDGE RAILING! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/141252.html

F-117 - NIGHTHAWK - 1 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/141301.html

STRANGE TODDLER TATTOOS - DEVIL & ANGEL! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/141404.html

STRANGE TODDLER TATTOOS - DEVIL & ANGEL! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/141404.html

STRANGE SNOW SCULPTURE - HUGE TENNIS SHOES! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/141409.html

STRANGE OLDE GAS STATION - GLASS TEXACO GAS PUMP - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141414.html

STRANGE SQUARE WATERMELONS - EASY TO SHIP! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/141432.html

US NAVY STRIKE GROUP - KITTY HAWK - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/141439.html

STRANGE BIKE TRICKS - FACE PLANT! OUCH! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/141441.html

STRANGE CELEBRITY MANSIONS - TOM CRUISE & KATIE HOLMES - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/141484.html

USS VALLEY FORGE - HEAVY SEAS OFF KOREA - 1952 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/141497.html

STRANGE LITTLE FROG - BIG CHEEKS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/141528.html

AMAZING BRIDGES AROUND THE WORLD - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/141557.html

STRANGE "SEE THROUGH" GRAND CANYON BRIDGE - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141563.html

STRANGE HAIRLESS CAT - MOM AND KITTENS! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/141589.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - Sports Jokes - GOLF - Football - Baseball - Soccer

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/100660_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Top Ten Questions Not To Ask In A Job Interview - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/141631.html

10 Things Your IT Guy Wants You to Know - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141632.html

Strange Donkey Wedding Staged to Bring Rain in India - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/141633.html

20 Strange Facts You Didn't Know About Pigeons - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/141634.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SS - TRACK & FIELD - RUNNING - GYMNASTICS - MARATHON - WEIGHT LIFTING

http://www.strangesports.com/content/category/109_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

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------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 719 - August 10, 2008 - Did You Ever Wonder Why...

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Amazing Insults

He's so fat, he has the only car in town with stretch marks.

He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.

He's the first in his family born without a tail.

What color is the sky in your world?

What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.

When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.

You're so ugly your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes so he doesn't have to kiss you bye.

Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Did You Ever Wonder Why...

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON(R), how do they make TEFLON(R) stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

I don't believe in reincarnation, but I did in my past life.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

WWII - ACTION PHOTOS - KAMIKAZE COMING IN LOW! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/140806.html

MILITARY HELICOPTER CHECKS OUT ICY GLACIER! SHOT FROM COCKPIT - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/140922.html

STRANGE SHARK FISHING FUN - HUGE MOUTH! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/140999.html

OLD BLONDE LOVES HER BIG BRUTE BOXER! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/141020.html

STRANGE LIGHTHOUSES - MADANG LIGHTHOUSE, PAPUA NEW GUINEA - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/141132.html

FAMOUS MACGYVER "MULTI-TOOL"! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/141194.html

STRANGE WOODEN VOLKSWAGEN BUS - WOODEN WHEELS TOO! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141277.html

STRANGE 1894 DRAWING OF JESUS CHRIST - ONE SINGLE STROKE OF THE PEN! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/141331.html

RARE CHRYSLER TUSCHER CONVERTIBLE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/141332.html

STRANGE JAPANESE "SHARK" VEHICLE - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/141364.html

V-22 OSPREY TILTROTOR (VSTOL) - CARRIER DECK - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/141381.html

STRANGE FAT BOY IN MEXICO "MOVED" TO HOSPITAL! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/141396.html

STRANGE STEPS - DON'T GET CONFUSED! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141407.html

DANGEROUS SAMURAI SWORD DEMONSTRATION - SLICES WATERMELON BLINDFOLDED! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/141408.html

STRANGE PICTURE - MADE FROM RUBIK'S CUBES! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/141410.html

STRANGE OLDE ELEPHANT PICTURE - LIFTS TRAINER BY THE HEAD! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/141412.html

STRANGE TOYS - DEER HUNTERS STRAP BAGGED DEER TO TRUCK! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/141413.html

STRANGE 3 WHEEL CAR - 1951 HOFFMAN - MUNICH GERMANY - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/141415.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - MISC. - Strange - Moronic - Goofy - Silly

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/8_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Which Waterfall Can Be Heard 40 Miles Away? - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/141323.html

Police Use Turtles to Find Dead Bodies! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/141325.html

Strange But Fun Things to do While Driving... - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/24858.html

Strange Words of Wisdom.... - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/24288.html

Facts That Should Cheer You Up... - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/24715.html

Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear in a Fast Food Joint - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/24856.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Strange Lists – Crazy Numbers – Crazy Stuff - Top 10 Lists

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/111_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "If you drink every day you are an alcoholic. We only drink every night"

This Week:
* PHOTOS - Symmetry Flickr toy
* GET RICH QUICK - YOUR guide on how to do it
* VIDEO - Rejected Bond Theme

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"

B3ta email 340 - 8 AUG 2008

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue340/

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Top Secret

Ever wondered how you would react in a life or
death situation? Upload your photo - put
yourself in the picture for the Spooks Code 9
interactive video.
http://tinyurl.com/55mb87

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 links, count 'em

>> Mirror image generator <<
"Here's a little project I've been working on
this week," beams xlcus. "It grabs photos from
Flickr on any subject you like (e.g. kittens,
or other fluffy things) and then presents them
as pairs of mirrored halves." Adds a new level
of weirdness to lolcats btw.
http://symmetry.sytes.org/

>> Hairless mouse mutants <<
Not sure if propagating horrid rodent/scrotum
hybrids counts as 'making' but 2roxfox boasts
"I breed these mutants in my shed and am
accused by neighbours of attracting snakes."
Those snakes have strong stomachs, my friend.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/2roxfox/sets/72157603025056164/

>> Listy social network thingy <<
Log, of Law of the Playground fame, has a
spanky new project on the go. "Listopia is
built on the love of lists, and adding to them.
If you like lists, adding to lists, or even
starting lists and having other people add to
them, then may I humbly suggest Listopia: the
place that can't stop using the word lists."
Good results so far...!
http://www.listopia.co.uk

>> The Wrong Door <<
Blimey. Mr Wheatley's only gone and landed a
full-on comedy series on BBC Three. Should be
coming to your screens "soon" but here is a
taster. BTW, on the basis that the best is at
the top, the BBC's scheduling press release
rates it very highly. Much, much better than
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/the_wrong_door:2

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Get Rich Quick

We wanted to know the best way of getting rich
quickly. Because, frankly, writing the QOTW
bit of this newsletter every week isn't quite
cutting it:
http://b3ta.com/questions/getrichquick/

* DRUGS - "This is not to be recommended if you
are middle class and soft, like every braying
bastard Sebastian and Jack at Glastonbury since
the mid-90s. We found two teenage boys snivelling
outside the Christian Aid tent and asked them what
was wrong: "We spent a grand on a block of hash
to sell. We got in, and went up to this bloke and
asked him if he wanted any drugs. He said 'great,
thanks', pulled out a knife and took the drugs,
and our wallets, kicked us up the arse and then
walked off whistling."
(debbie meadon's secret extra armpit)

* DI DIED - "We were doing a car boot sale the
day Di lost an argument with a pillar, and there
was loads of gossip about whether she was actually
gone. I strolled to the shop to buy a paper to
confirm the news that she had indeed died. We
took one look at the Charles and Di wedding plate
we were selling that had been studiously ignored
all morning, took off the one pound sticker and
replaced it with a twenty quid sticker. Sold
within 10 minutes."
(Halfy)

* DEAR RYANAIR - "1) You are a bunch of rich cunts.
But, unfortunately, you're proud of that fact. 2)
You hate people. You hate your staff. You hate your
passengers. Your contempt for people is utterly
unparalleled. They hate you. It's fine. However,
your flights are astonishingly cheap. 3) I have
the solution to your PR. It will make you nicer
and people might not hate you as much. Therefore
ultimately richer! 4) Here's a clue. I would rather
pay 50 quid IN ONE GO for a flight, than a flight
advertised at a pound with 49 pounds worth of hidden
extras because every time you do this I feel like I
am being raped by a stupid Irish cock. You make me
feel like shit. Which is why I fly Easyjet now.
Who incidentally, are like a Bugatti Veyron to
your rusty Reliant Robin. 5) Make the inside of
your planes SLIGHTLY nicer. Just tone down that
fucking yellow. 6) Michael Leary, whatever your name
is... You are a cunt. 7) Profit!"
(I have run out of coke )

>> This Week's Question <<
Bled recently? Been somewhere that looked like the
inside of Dexter's lab? Got a hurty finger? Talk to
us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/blood/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Mythological creatures <<
Unicorns: maybe just a pre-op horse to you, but
we're happy now the credit crunch has hit and
advertising staff are being paid in LSD. For
only drugs, yes, mind-expanding psychedelics,
can explain a world where this concept is
approved to flog a dating website. BTW:
Wikipedia reckons a unicorn's horn will
neutralise poison; which is much like the
day-dream we had the other day where we could
spread an anti-AIDS virus using our cocks.
Hooray!
http://tenreasonsitwouldruletodateaunicorn.com/

>> Painty optical illusions <<
Pop stars! Want a great location for your new
music video? Head on down to Eureka Tower car
park in Melbourne Australia and let the
apparently crazy but actually rather clever
sign-writing make the TV fatties press redial on
those request-a-vid TV channels. You might want
some ladies in gold pants too. We know we do.
http://snurl.com/gotthepaintersin [www_ridelust_com]

>> Brian May sexy fiction <<
This is why the government should bring back
national service for homosexuals - they clearly
haven't got enough to do and they're reduced to
writing (admittedly extremely amusing) slash
fiction fantasies about our nation's favourite
celebrities.
http://howthegoodlooknaked.wordpress.com/

>> Are you a bird or a bloke? <<
The internet has the power to tell, based on
what websites are in your browser history.
Although it didn't work for us as we keep the
cache emptied lest our official b3ta wife espy
just how long we spend looking at photos of
naked ladies. BTW: If you still can't tell if
you're a lady or a man, then try throwing a
ball. If you've just gone, "Ooh, no, I'm
inside," then you're definitely a woman.
http://snurl.com/ladydar [www_mikeonads_com]

>> Animals squashed against glass <<
Looking for a new animal photograph-based meme?
Bored of icanhascheezburger, gapingmaws.com and
catsthatlooklikehitler.com? You need 'animals
squashed against glass'. Not the snappiest
title, but it does what it says on the tin.
http://snurl.com/10secondwonders [www_bestweekever_tv]

>> Mawkish non lols <<
"The other week I made a joke about Alzheimer's
live on TV. You should have seen the envelopes
I got," Jasper Carrot once joked, so if you see
him around, send him the link to this rather
moving photographic account of a 98-year-old man
and his daily struggle with his own memory. We
hope Jasper never suffers the indignity of
Alzheimer's. We hope he gets cancer instead.
In his bum.
http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/

>> Critter computer case <<
When case mods and taxidermy meet there's only
one loser - the beaver. BTW: If you meet an
annoying casemod nerd, here's how to wind him
up. Say, "Oh that's really cute. It's like when
teenage girls customise their phones with
stickers."
http://snurl.com/mumsloveubuntu [www_geekologie_com]

>> Desperate money-making scam of the week? <<
The interweb is a fruit machine - if you know
how to game it you can make it pay out. Alex
Tew did well with his million-dollar home page,
earlier this week there was the $999 iPhone app
sold on the theory 'it's a way of showing off
how rich you are' and the latest? Flush a
dollar down the toilet - yep a real dollar.
Sign up using Paypal. We predict a net profit
of $43.
http://www.flushabuck.com/

>> New perverts! <<
Thank God for Flickr, without it we wouldn't
know about our new favourite fetishist. He
likes stepping fully-clothed into a swimming
pool and taking photos of his pant bulge. We've
added him as a friend, as we're all Web 2.0.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/soaked2008/

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
An exquisite kitten

Adorable baby calico cat lounges fetchingly in
a variety of appealing locales; baskets,
bowls, you name it. The comments do go a bit
mental though. Never use Google in anger.
http://www.karmapanda.com/gatito-exquisito/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Blink rapidly and pretend they're flickbooks

>> The amazing lyrebird <<
Softly-spoken wildlife supremo David
Attenborough introduces us to the vocal
stylings of Australia's lyrebird. To be honest,
this actually had us going until the
Seinfeld-esque slap bass.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Amazing_Lyrebird_of_Australia

>> Christian drum'n'bass <<
Some evangelical types give praise to Jesus
through the medium of dance. That's something
we can all respect.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Evangelical_Drum_and_Bass

>> Rejected Bond Theme <<
Spoof film soundtrack put together by someone
with only the vaguest knowledge of, or
interest in, the plot.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Quantum_of_Solace_potential_theme

>> Westwood meets Jay-Z <<
38-year-old rapper Jay-Z gets together with
50-year-old disk jockey Tim Westwood at the
Glastonbury festival. They really, really do
talk a load of old shit though, don't they?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Westwood_and_Jay_Z

>> Rainbow conspiracy! <<
Conspiracy buffs and general nutcases are two
a penny on teh interwebs. But this lady
deserves special mention for her firmly-held
belief that rainbows are there because of
government conspiracy.
http://www.break.com/index/insane-rainbow-conspiracy-lady.html

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Retards & Peados, B3ta as per usual

* RETARDEX - "clinically proven to eliminate
bad breath" although with modern screening
there is less of a need for this these days.
http://www.periproducts.co.uk/retardex.asp

* PEDIALYTE - "helps kids feel better fast",
keep telling yourself that Mr Nabokov.
http://pedialyte.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Hats Challenge

Last week featured one of our legendary
one-word challenges: hats.

Your favourites included:

* RITZY - nightmarish, freakish, entirely
unpleasant animation. Also rather beautiful.
(HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8610693

* VINTAGE - this lady has breasts. Oh, and a
hat. (kingsuperspecial)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8612245

* POEM - Edward Lear's owl/pussy pairing in
near-disaster scenario. (Tribs)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8612737

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hats/

>> New challenge: Recession <<
How is the down turn in the global economy
going to affect us? What changes are we going
to see in the not-too-distant future? Are we
screwed? Show us. Challenge suggested by Holly
Would
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/recession/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* ELECTRIC TEA EXPERIMENT - orbrey's secondary
school science training reveals that it's more
efficient to boil water in a kettle than on a
gas hob "because the element heats the water
directly therefore less heat is lost to the
environment." A grateful nation salutes you.

* BAD MOVIE TITLE - 'Jism' was a pretty poor name,
but pixelmixer submits for our perusal 'Help,
I'm Being Crushed to Death by a Black
Rectangle.' Pornotastic?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0475606/

* SHEEP'S PRINTER is a laser printer, not an
inkjet at all LIKE WE THOUGHT. Thanks to the
vigilant pedantry of Amos E Wolfe for catching
that one. We've learned our lesson: NO MORE
JOKES IN THE NEWSLETTER.

* BREAD FROM PASTA - apparently there actually IS
a bread crisis in Italy rather than it being
just a crap joke from last newsletter. Who
knew? Anyway, crackhouseceilidhband informs us
that inflated European grain prices mean
grinding pasta to make bread is non-viable.
Bah. Let them eat pizza!

* 2 CUPS + 1 BAG = BAD - Our technique for
eking out the b3ta tea-bag stores apparently
results in only the first cup containing
nourishing, life-giving caffeine. This
info-bombshell from TechImp has sparked off
furtive cup-swapping shenanigans every time we
take a break. Or Rob is trying to poison me.
http://snurl.com/coughsplutterchoke [en_wikipedia_org]

* JORDAN/PETER ANDRE BOOK - luvtub beams, "WAAAY
back in Newsletter #261 you featured a piece on
the magic that was the collaboration between
pop-washout Peter Andre and his
wife/model-turned-horrible-warbler Katie Price.
Here lies a fitting coda to that story,
featuring 40,000 birdshit-covered copies of
their album and a video of the hapless couple
in action."
http://snurl.com/awholepooworld [new_uk_music_yahoo_com]

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Most common words

Can you guess what are the 50 most-used words
in the English language? Sadly 'lol' and 'teh'
aren't there.
http://snurl.com/commonwords [codebox_no-ip_net]

Continuing our game diary for E4, this week
there's about 4 pages of it as we horrifically
overwrote.
http://www.e4.com/joystick/week-02.html

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* AIR DRUM - write a Flash thing that works
with a webcam, so you can mine drum parts and
hear them WITH YOUR EARS.

* BARIO 64 - hack the old N64 ROM and replace
the speech samples with Brummie accents.

* POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE - "Dear Bono, wish
you were here" - Ok we've nicked this joke from
NME circa 1990.

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

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Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by stevethedalek,
hollyloveshercamera, dj2323. Additional linkage
and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlol via MICK THE MAG.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:
Avoid parking tickets by removing your
windscreen wipers (Mime)

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:
Barry George, the guy just acquitted of Jill
Dando's murder, has vowed to never stalk women
again after eight years in prison. Don't be too
hard on yourself, Barry, since you went in
they've invented Facebook and we're all fucking
at it now.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 718 - August 06, 2008 - Strange Things to Ponder

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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==================================

Strange "Money" Quotes:

"Early to bed and early to rise -- till you get enough money to do otherwise." - Peter's Almanac

"God is on everyone's side … and in the last analysis, he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies. - Jean Anouilh (1910-87), French playwright

University President: "Why is it that you physicists always require so much expensive equipment? Now the Department of Mathematics requires nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers...and the Department of Philosophy is better still. It doesn't even ask for erasers."- Isaac Asimov (1920-92), Russian-born American scientist, writer

"The only reason to have money is to tell any SOB in the world to go to hell." - Humphrey Bogart, American actor

"The surest way to get rid of a bore is to lend money to him." - Paul Louis Courier

"Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends." - Larry Wilde

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Strange Things to Ponder

Tell me this....

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

COOL RAINBOW - JUST AFTER THE STORM - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/140539.html

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STRANGE SKYDIVING FUN - RIDE'EM COWBOY! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/140997.html

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STRANGE FORMULA 1 RACER - IT'S MADE FROM CHOCOLATE! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/141005.html

GRAF ZEPPELIN - LZ-127 - IN THE HUGE HANGER - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/141007.html

STRANGE FISHING TRIP - THE FISH "RUNNING" AWAY! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/141146.html

STRANGE GERMAN MOTORCYCLE - IT'S HUGE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141147.html

STRANGE DANGERS - TRANS ANTARCTIC EXPEDITION SNOW TRACKS VEHICLE HANGS OVER HUGE CREVASSE! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/141148.html

STRANGE OLDE EUROPEAN BUSES - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/141165.html

STRANGE CANADIAN NAVY ON PATROL! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/141196.html

STRANGE BABY T-SHIRT - CAUTION ! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/141200.html

STRANGE OLDE PIX - NOGALES MEXICO & AZ - 1898 & 2008 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/141220.html

WHY ARE THE BLONDE CHEERLEADERS ALWAYS ON TOP? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/141228.html

STRANGE SOCCER TERROR - THE DREADED FREE KICK! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/141232.html

TINY LITTLE DOG - REALLY TINY! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/141244.html

STRANGE DOG RACES - FLYING DASCHUNDS! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/141260.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - CONCEPT CARS - WILD DESIGNS - GM - FORD - CHRYSLER - JAPANESE - EUROPEAN

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100707_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

8 Strange Hangover Cures from Around the World - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/140194.html

When Is Your Sister Just Like a Mother? - Ask Jack Nicholson! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/141321.html

Strange "War" Between Canada and USA - 1839 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/141322.html

Where is America's Only Royal Palace? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/141324.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - Professionals - MD's, Lawyers, Police, etc.

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/112_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Vol 717 - August 03, 2008 - Classic Southern Expressions

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

NEW! - MySpace Members - Please NOTE that we have just added a TAB on each Joke Page and Image Page that NOW Makes it Easy for you to add "Strange" Items to your Individual MySpace pages! Just CLICK on the Bottom Right MySpace ICON! It's Quick & Easy!

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About Sports:

"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that." - Bill Shankly, In Sunday Times (UK) Oct. 4 1981

"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead." - Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996)

"Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings." - George F. Will (1941 - )

"Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theismann, Former quarterback

"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like." - Phyllis Diller

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Classic Southern Expressions

Exclamations:
"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

Threats:
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

Good Things/Compliments:
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits."

The Weather:
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:
A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a
marble floor."

Insults:
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."
Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

OLD RONALD REAGAN CIGARETTE AD - 1 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/140534.html

STRANGE DOG GROOMING CONTEST - POODLE LOOKS LIKE A TURKEY! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/140719.html

COOL POLICE DOG K-9 UNIT - HE'S WEARING SHADES! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/140825.html

1955 CHRYSLER GHIA THOMAS SPECIAL - CONCEPT CAR - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/140881.html

STRANGE TWO HEADED TURTLE ! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/140987.html

LITTLE BOY NOT ENJOYING HIS 4th PLACE FINISH! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/140996.html

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CUTTLE EGRET - CHECKING OUT ABOUT HIMSELF! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/141048.html

STRANGE BONNEH'S ILLUSION - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/141057.html

COOL STRANGE TRIKE - DESIGNED FOR A WHEELCHAIR! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/141061.html

STRANGE HITLER ERA STREAMLINED MERCEDES BENZ RACE CAR - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/141062.html

STRANGE "TOILET" TEA POT - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/141063.html

WHI I LOST MY JOB SERIES - BAD BARGE LOAD TIPS INTO THE WATER! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/141065.html

JAMES DEAN - "REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE" - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/141078.html

CONSTRUCTION OF AIR CRAFT CARRIER - USS GEORGE H BUSH ! - 8 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/141111.html

STRANGE LIGHTHOUSES - PROMTHEP CAPE, THAILAND - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141126.html

STRANGE SOLAR TAXI - IT PULLS IT'S OWN SOLAR PANEL BEHIND IT! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/141139.html

SADDAM HUSSEINS PRIVATE LUXURY YACHT - 3 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/141142.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - Seniors - Retired - Oldsters - Widows

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/124_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

10 WORST Gifts to Buy a Woman - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/141028.html

Olde 'Burma Shave' Roadway Signs! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/128798.html

Idle Thoughts of a Strange Mind. - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/124845.html

In the Land of Sandra Dee - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/120030.html

25 Signs You've Grown UP - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/118314.html

Older 'n Dirt!! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/111576.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - WWII EQUIPMENT - ALLIED - Tanks, Artillery, Jeeps, Armored Vehicles

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/124_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

HOTEL ROOMS BOOKED AND THE LOWEST RATE! - GUARANTEED!

Over 1 Million Rooms & Suites Booked - Amazing Savings

http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html