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Strange Comedian Quotes:
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
Mel Brooks
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." George Burns
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." George Burns
"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home." Bill Cosby
"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door." Jeff Foxworthy
"You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more." Jeff Foxworthy
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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strategic Responses to "Do I Look Fat?"
Strategic responses to the ever dangerous "Do I look Fat" question:
"No, not to Stevie Wonder."
"Big time! That's why I'm sleeping with your best friend."
"Does this tie make me look stupid?"
"No hablo ingles."
"Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things kinda balance out."
"If I answer that question, then the terrorists have won."
"Okay, listen: What's important is that you not focus in a negative way on the comparison I am about to make."
"Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity."
"Let me jog around to your front and take a look."
"No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea captains."
"Whoa! A talking couch!!"
"May I consult the Iraqi Minister of Information before answering that?"
Submitted by Sean
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