Vol 594 - May 30, 2007 - Doc-isms What They Say & What They Really Mean

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

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==================================

Best Quote Of 2007

By Chris Rock, American comedian 2-28-07

"You know the world is going crazy when the best
rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - -Doc-isms What They Say & What They Really Mean

A little list of "Doc-isms"

What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

"There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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STRANGE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING SHOTS! - 4 - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/125343.html

AMAZING "RETRO" CUSTOM CARS - LUXURY EDSEL! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/125497.html

STRANGE HOT AIR BALLOONS! ORIENT EXPRESS TRAIN! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/125625.html

STRANGE COMPUTER TOWER - MOTORCYCLE FRAME! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125665.html

STRANGE CUSTOM VOLKSWAGENS - LADYBUG - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125797.html

GAY TENNIS? - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125820.html

COLORFUL FARM FIELDS FROM THE AIR!!! FLOWERS! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/125822.html

MICHELLE NORKETT - 6'3" TALL MODEL! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/125824.html

ISLAND BIKINI GIRL "WAVING" IN 747 JUMBO JET - DUCK! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125826.html

SEAPLANE PILOTS REST AFTER SCOUTING FOREST FIRE - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/125830.html

ANCIENT CHINESE 'FOOT BINDING' STILL PRACTICED! - 6 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125833.html

'MADONNA' OPTICAL ILLUSION - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/125839.html

SPECTACULAR LIGHTNING STRIKE ! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125841.html

VARIOUS WWII BATTLE PICTURES - B-17 HIT - FLAK BLOWS UP WING - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/125842.html

STRANGE WHALE WATCHERS FORM "SOS" ON BEACH! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/125866.html

NEW JOHN F KENNEDY & JACKIE PIX RELEASED - DALLAS - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/125867.html

STRANGE LITTLE WHITE FACE MONKEY - HOLDING HIS TAIL - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/125868.html

STRANGE LITTLE BIRD DIVES DEEP FOR LITTLE FISH - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125871.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - * MILITARY EQPMT Air Force - Navy - Army - Marines

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/26_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange and Stupid Laws in the United States - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/126007.html

50 Worst Pickup Lines - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/126008.html

Strange Things to Ponder - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/126009.html

Strange Quotes from Famous Women - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/126012.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - SZ - HORSES - Ponies - Stallions - Rodeo - Jumping

http://www.strangezoo.com/content/category/100682_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Vol 593 - May 27, 2007 - Memorial Day Service

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

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==================================

QUOTES & TOASTS of the DAY - Patriotic Toasts

"Here's to the Army and Navy, and the battles they have won. Here's to America's colors-- The colors that never run!"

"May the tree of liberty flourish round the globe, and every human being partake of its fruits."

"May noise never excite us to battle, or confusions reduce us to defeat."

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Memorial Day Service

MEMORIAL

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."

"Good morning Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked.

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the men and women who have died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which one, the 9:00 or the 10:30 service?"

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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THIRSTY GIRAFFE - IT'S HARD TO REACH DOWN SO LOW! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/125274.html

OLD CIRCUS ACTS - ELEPHANTS - TRAINING - 4 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125373.html

AMAZING "RETRO" CUSTOM CARS - "ROCKET" - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/125495.html

MIKE DITKA - 'DA BEARS' HAS A MESSAGE FOR YOU! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/125612.html

STRANGE HOT AIR BALLOONS! WITCHES! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/125623.html

HUSBAND OF THE YEAR? - TAKES WIFE'S LIFE VEST - JUMPS THE SHARK! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/125670.html

LONG FLAMINGO NECKS CREATE A HEART! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125710.html

STRANGE ELK PROBLEM - PLASTIC CHAIR AROUND NECK! - 2 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125715.html

STRANGE CAT IN CHINA GROWS "WINGS!" - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125766.html

MEMORIAL DAY - REMEMBER IWO JIMA - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/125768.html

STRANGE CUSTOM VOLKSWAGENS - AMPHIBIOUS WOODEN CONVERTIBLE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125801.html

JEEP CROSSES DANGEROUS WOODEN SUSPENSION BRIDGE! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/125814.html

STRANGE DEEP STRIP MINE - SURROUNDED BY WATER! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/125816.html

STRANGE "I'M SORRY" CAKE - DATING DANGERS! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/125817.html

STRANGE BRITISH COPS "BOBBIES" DOING THE LIMBO ROCK! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/125818.html

SOCCER RAGE! - TEAM CHASES COACH & CATCHES HIM! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/125819.html

OSHA! HIGH RISE WINDOW CLEANER - HANGING BY ONE ROPE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125823.html

ELIXABETH HASSELBECK - FROM THE "SURVIVOR" TO THE VIEW! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/125825.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SM - MILITARY - "SPECIAL" PICTURES AND PRESENTATIONS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/100050_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Blonde Murder Victim - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125765.html

Unraveling the Mystery of the Punching Bag Filled With Dirty Laundry - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125767.html

- I AM YOUR FLAG ! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/23244.html

Military Service - Today Vs. 1945 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/22828.html

A Great Veterans Poem - Remember to Thank Them! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/22751.html

-Awesome Letter To Mom From Soldier - MUST READ - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/24168.html

The History of Memorial Day - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/100305.html

-Shut Up, Quit Whining, Read This! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/24013.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - SM - MILITARY - "SPECIAL" PICTURES AND PRESENTATIONS

http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Fwd: [b3ta] "How to tell where your cat has been by smelling its breath"

This Week:
* EBAY - Will you buy a B3tard a car?
* IMAGES - Classical art, modernised
* VIDEOS - Youtube rapes schmideo section

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_________ __ __ _ __ ______
___/ ___// / / // |/ //_ __/
__/ /__ / /_/ // / / / "We're sucking off
__\___/ \____//_/|_/ /_/ tramps... together"

B3ta email 278 - 25 May 2007

This issue is online. With a URL and everything.
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue278/

ACK: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
NACK: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
  Win Glastonbury tickets
 
Seeing the opportunity for a painful pun,
Orange have stuck a GPS box to a bull and
opened a 'spot the bull' competition. So get a
moo-ve on, because free Glasto tickets? It's
all butter.
http://snipurl.com/spot_the_bull

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want us to be your advertising bitches? Then
get on the Amstrad email phone.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Signs, Advertising stunt and shitty roller-coasters

>> Sign posts <<
Sheep has produced what he describes as "Short
film with the comedy staples that are signs."
We think that Sheep is a genius and someone
should give him lots of money.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Signs_Short

>> Crap rollercoaster <<
B3ta's resident kitten botherer and food expert
Fraser has recently visited North Korea on a
mission to film a rollercoaster. As he puts it,
"To the Koreans it's not shitty - it's about as
thrilling as you can possibly get. Having said
that, this one wasn't in a great state of
repair."
http://www.pyongyangrollercoaster.com/

>> eBay car/advertising blag <<
Nobbynobody, probably best-known for his
biro-art pics on B3ta, is piss-broke and has
come up with a fancy scheme for getting himself
a new car. He's offering you the chance to
advertise your brand on his car. The clever
bit? The cash raised by the eBaying is actually
going to PAY for the car. So, if you work in
advertising and fancy getting involved in a
little online stunt, then get bidding NOW!
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=330123823605

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Terrible Food

Last week we resurrected one of the earliest
questions we ever asked: what's the worst
thing you've cooked or eaten?
http://b3ta.com/questions/terriblefood/

* EXTRA VIRGIN FAIRY
"I had a few disasters while learning to cook I
think that the fry-up I made after getting
quite tipsy one night probably rates quite
highly on that score. I didn't realise anything
was wrong when the "oil" turned very bubbly. It
was only the next morning when I woke up with
the most disgusting taste of chemicals
permeating my hangover that the penny finally
dropped. I had fried everything in washing-up
liquid. Don't try it - it will make you very
sick." (Lord Gnome)

* MADE TO MAKE YOUR MOUTH WATER
"Babysitting for my little cousin one day, I
found he was being very, very quiet, sitting in
the corner apparently playing with lego. On
closer inspection he had actually been sucking
on a slug. Sucking on a slug so voraciously in
fact, he'd sucked it dry. It took some force to
prise the corpse out of his jaw. That's
definitely the worst thing I've ever seen
someone else eat at least." (thants)

* NO, NEIGH, NEVER
"I found myself teaching English to French
kids, and I would ask 'Is anyone here a
vegetarian?'. Naturally (this being France)
most of them didn't even know what a vegetarian
was, and those few that did always said no.
Then in one class a girl put up her hand and
said yes. I was amazed, and asked her what sort
of things she ate (I'm told it's not easy being
a veggie in France). She replied, earnestly,
'Well, I don't eat horse.'" (reallywittyname)


>> This Week's Question <<
Have you ever been screwed over by someone you
are doing a favour for? Is that all the thanks
you got for your efforts?:
http://b3ta.com/questions/thanksalot/

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: SPONSORED LINK
Acieed! Acieed! T-shirts from Discoo

Smiley Face Acid House T-Shirts and more retro
Summer gear from Religion Clothing. Get sorted
this summer:
http://snipurl.com/discoo

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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Darwinism disclaimer stickers <<
The sticker on the top left is one they have
actually used in school textbooks in certain
parts of the US, due to pressure from religious
groups. The others are alternatives you can use
to cover up the offending original, just to get
up the Creationists' noses. Blimey.
http://www.swarthmore.edu/NatSci/cpurrin1/textbookdisclaimers/

>> Hamster-powered shredder <<
"I typed 'two fat lesbians' into the google
image search," admits Henry. "But when I
clicked on the picture it inexplicably took me
here."
http://www.tomballhatchet.com/hamstershredder.html

>> How the World carries chickens <<
If you have a dozen hens to transport, you
could do worse than check out this gallery of
international poultry-wrangling techniques.
Particularly useful if you're travelling abroad
and want to carry things out in an
ethnically-sensitive fashion.
http://snipurl.com/chuck_yer_muck

>> God smokes fags <<
Amusingly slight rejoinder to the ever-popular
Fred Phelps homo-hate rant-site
godhatesfags.com.
http://www.godsmokesfags.com

>> Dead rat lamp <<
One of those items that does exactly what the
title suggests. Step-by-step technique to make
your own novelty lamp out of a common-or-garden
dead rat. Looks grotesquely funny, probably
smells funny too.
http://snipurl.com/NSFW_dead_rat

>> Shit supervillain <<
Colour-blind but with the super-powered
goggles, that's Rainbow Raider. We love the
extremes those old-time comic book writers had
to go to just to turn out a threat of the week
different to the one that came before. Rainbow
Raider joins Doctor Demonicus in out pantheon
of superfoes to be pitied.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow_Raider

>> 'TV Controller' blog <<
Entertaining satirical blog purporting to be by
the actual controller of a TV station. It's
clearly written by someone with at least a
nodding acquaintance with the television
industry - and certainly none the worse for
that.
http://thetvcontroller.blogspot.com/

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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Wombat VS Hedgehog phone-vote scandal

* HEDGEHOGS - Ever thought about getting a
furze-pig as a pet? Apparently available for
about $100 in some U.S states. Cute video tho.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPhpsIK7pDc&NR=1

* HAPPY WOMBAT - life_of_holly writes, "Thought
you might like this happy happy little wombat
for your Things That Make You Go Aahh section.
I found him on Daily Cute, and I actually do a
little bit of wee whenever I see him." And you
know? We're weeing too. Right now.
http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h86/Kohoutek/happywombat.jpg

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Because YOU LOVE compression artifacts

>> Glasses-catching with the face <<
It's clearly impossible, being able to field a
thrown pair of shades on your nose from any
distance or angle. But how are they faking it?
We thought we knew but now we're not sure.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-prfAENSh2k

>> Sushi bar conveyor-cam <<
Guy sticks his digital camera on the little
conveyor belt in a late night Tokyo sushi bar,
producing results that vaguely remind us of
that excellent nightclub tracking shot in
Goodfellas. Of course, it wouldn't be nearly as
good if you did that in London. Someone would
nick it.
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=c35_1178938654

>> Wheelchair boy band <<
If you don't speak Norwegian you won't get much
from the first 50 seconds. But then it gets
good. Really good. And we're not laughing at
them because they're all foreign and in
wheelchairs. We're laughing with them. And
wanking.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=aCxDZRJKkqY

>> Randy little robot <<
In the future we'll have robots doing all the
hard work. We won't even have to bother with
sex anymore. Check out the moves on 'Hector' -
very slick! In homage we're going to wear a
forehead-mounted LED next time we get romantic
too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qOuVfcoRmw

>> 100 movies countdown <<
Apparently it's a spoof of some American Film
Institute ads. What it really is is a brilliant
little game. 100 short clips from classic
movies - how many can you guess?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FExqG6LdWHU

>> Fake wrestling <<
Surprisingly, this footage of a tiny Japanese
girl grappling with enormous, sweaty men looks
almost convincing. Sometimes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEBeQ0pYLog

>> Hoovering a deaf cat <<
It's hard to tell if this placid feline is
really deaf or just exceptionally indolent. You
certainly can't get within 20 feet of b3ta-cat
Rocky with a hoover.
http://www.devilducky.com/media/61878/

>> Talking cat <<
Cats are spooky creatures that imitate the
voices of human infants in order to exploit
your parental instincts and trick you into
feeding and caring for them. Don't believe us?
Check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV71mpbvl-g

>> Copyright fairy tale <<
Nice little explanation of copyright and
fair-use law told entirely through the mouths
of Disney characters. Smart. That's sticking
it to the man!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJn_jC4FNDo

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Get your cyber-rofls here web twats

* WANG-HOLDER - when Anna Wang and Brad Holder
got married, how would you expect it to be
announced?
http://www.indexjournal.com/weddings/20070430c_e.html

* RSOLES - UK comedian Steve "I didn't biff
Courtney Love" Coogan once had a character called
Tony Ferrino who sang a song with an 'our souls /
arseholes' pun. Read it re-jigged as a shoe
company website.
http://www.rsoles.com/

* NICHOLAS N BURNS-COX - best of all? He's a
hospital urologist. We're sure he's not sick of
the jokes yet.
http://snipurl.com/funny_name_really

* BEN DIRS - The BBC correspondent in charge of
their cricket scoreboard updates is a Mr Ben
Dirs. Our mind is boggling.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/6672179.stm

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Theme Park Challenge

Last week we wanted you to design theme
parks. It was brilliant.

Your favourites included:

* PHILOSOPHER'S WORLD - a lovely day out
answering all of life's great questions (The
Great Architect)

* CHESS - extreme, woeful punnage, yet still a
fun day out for the entire family, probably
(calibrax)

* TYPO TOWERS - where ride restrictions aren't
of the usual sort (Holly Would)

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/theme_parks/

>> New challenge: Updating Art <<
Ever been to the National Gallery? It's
a lovely place, but all the pictures are
a bit old-fashioned. So this week's
challenge is to download some of the
gallery's classics and bring them up to
date...
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/national_gallery/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

NET PEDANTS - The Hairy Aerosol writes in to
say, "Actually diarrhea is called diarrhoea.
Unless you are an American." We wouldn't
normally bother to mention this but it caused
us to google it, and we found a fantastic
Wikipedia page featuring the best diagram ever.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diarrhea

CLEANING CDS - ray mentions, "Actually the best
thing to use is hair gel. If you use an
abrasive you risk damaging the CD even more,
but hair gel fills in the scratch and restores
the refractive properties so that the laser
pickup doesn't bounce off all over the place.
Not a permanent fix, but it's enough to let you
copy the cd and it's a lot less work than
polishing as well." Sounds like fine advice,
not that we can actually be arsed to test it.

USB CHARGER - last week we lamented that all
our electronic devices use different chargers.
Davidpfitz mentions, "You're after a
PowerMonkey. My pal gave me one for my birthday
and it's the nuts. In fact, you can buy 'monkey
nuts' for it for new connectors - I got one for
my DS for a quid just this week." Oooh, we want
one. Especially as it looks a little like a
vibrator.
http://www.powermonkey.co.uk/

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Release! Cat with Bow Golf!

Vague descriptions of link. Obscure reference
to childhood experience. Weak joke about penis.
Finish with, "we scored three, maybe you can do
better?"
http://ishi.blog2.fc2.com/blog-entry-211.html?new

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* A MORATORIUM ON SOCIAL NETWORKS - can the
internet please agree to not launch more of
these buggers? What we actually need is
interoperability - so that twitter can talk to
facebook can talk to myspace etc. It's the
messenger wars all over again and it's dull
dull dull.

* DOOR BELL ORCHESTRA - video lots of different
door bells being rung and sequence them into a
storming disco epic of 'Ring My Bell'.

* COCK-A-HOOP - rub your penis (assuming you've
got one) until it's stiff and proud. Drop
pine-apple rings on it. Win a teddy.

Send contributions via the mail form.
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BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
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THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by dy357lx, simon
bryce, grubbymitts, WEINERDOG13, dbell, adamb,
chickenlady, henry simmonds, dng, Captain
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xemetery, ElRodente, Jamie_W, ryz45, Yank Meoff
and monkeyrun. Top Tippery by Mr. Jack
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Lovegas to the b4ta hugglebears. (No number
here) I call my boots George and Michael.
Because they got sucked off in a bog. NEW WORD:
podcastinating - downloading 100s of podcasts
that you know you won't listen to, rather than
doing the job in hand. Blame that ivesb for the
subjectline. We do.

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TOP TIP:
For thin, easy, fast, regular slices of cheese,
use a vegetable peeler to cut the slices. It's
a fantastic method.

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News from The Smoking Gun

Dear Friends:

Just because you've been busted is no excuse for a sour demeanor. So if you end up in cuffs this weekend while celebrating the unofficial start of summer, give the sheriff a toothy grin when posing for your mug shot. Just like these 25 recent arrestees did:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0525071smile1.html

During a raid on an al-Qaeda safe house in Iraq, U.S. soldiers recovered a series of crude drawings depicting favored torture techniques like "clothes iron to skin" and "drilling hands." The declassified images--and other harrowing photos seized by the military--can be found here:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0524072torture1.html

The Illinois teenager arrested for adding special sauce to salad dressing in his school's lunchroom just got away with a slap on the wrist. Story here:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0523072salad1.html

Our new video section is stocked with hundreds of entertaining clips. So, for instance, if you need directions on how to properly strip search a federal inmate, TSG TV is the place for you:

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Be careful what you shoplift in Lakeland, Florida. Or you could end up like these poor guys:

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Vol 592 - May 23, 2007 - Strange Housekeeping Tips

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

Check out the HOTEL Specials: http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange But Basically Useless Information:

Jerry Falwell and Larry Flynt were good friends, even exchanging Christmas cards.

I can now use the Internet to find out who is sick in my zip code.

Author Zora Neale Hurston (Their Eyes Were Watching God) spent the last decade of her life working as a maid and died penniless in a welfare home.

Rep. James Sensenbrenner's $10 million fortune stems from his great grandpa's invention of the Kotex sanitary napkin.

The Olsen twins are being courted to play Bond Girls in the next 007 movie.

One in ten Europeans are conceived in an Ikea bed.

Doug E. Fresh is a Scientologist.

Willard Scott claims that he created the character of Ronald McDonald.

On Led Zeppelin's How The West Was Won live CD, John Bonham's drum solo is 19 minutes long.

Boy Scouts in L.A. can earn a new merit badge for "Respecting Copyrights" after learning the evils of downloading pirated movies and music.

Wrigley filed a patent for a gum that contains Viagra.

Our planet is apparently running out of disposable chopsticks.

Gladys Knight is Mormon.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Housekeeping Tips

Tomorrow I will do the housework, NO EXCUSES!!! (unless they're good ones)

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

2. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go!

3. The best mini-vac for an after meal clean up is the dog.

4. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

5. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

6. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

8. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

11. Simplify... hire a maid.

12: My second favourite household chore is ironing. My first being Hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

13. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

14. I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

15. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

16. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

17. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

==================================

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AMAZING "RETRO" CUSTOM CARS - COMMUTER "AIRPLANE" CONVERSION CAR! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/125494.html

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THE SUGAR GLIDER WHISPERER - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125632.html

STRANGE COP CARS - BLOOMFIELD HILLS CORVETTE! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/125638.html

STRANGE WEDDING PICTURE - AIN'T THIS EXCITING! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125643.html

PIMP MY RIDE - IRAQI VERSION! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/125653.html

STRANGE OLDE PICTURE - 1800'S MILITARY HANGING! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125658.html

STRANGE "SCALES OF JUSTICE" STATUE! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/125664.html

KID BALANCING A BIKE DOES A FACE PLANT! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/125666.html

COOL NEW MORGAN ROADSTER - 2 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/125681.html

STRANGE "COMPUTER" ART - LIVING ROOM - 1 - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/125694.html

DANGEROUS COMBO - KNIKE AND GUN! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/125697.html

STRANGE HYDROFOIL WATER SKIERS! - FLYING HIGH! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/125702.html

STRANGE CATERPILLAR FACE - CLOSE-UP! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/125703.html

GROUND HOGS - TIME FOR A HUG! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/125705.html

'FLYING SAUCER' POLICE SPY CAMERAS TAKE TO THE SKIES - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125759.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week -

content/category/100024_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Rules For Entering Texas - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/125762.html

Twenty Management Styles - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/125761.html

Dating Vs Marriage - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125763.html

Mean Things To Say To People - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125764.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week -

content/category/110_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Vol 591 - May 20, 2007 - Strategic Responses to "Do I Look Fat?"

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

Check out the HOTEL Specials: http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

Or, Search any Other Destination! http://www.strangetravel.com/

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Comedian Quotes:

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
Mel Brooks

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." George Burns

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." George Burns

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home." Bill Cosby

"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door." Jeff Foxworthy

"You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more." Jeff Foxworthy

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strategic Responses to "Do I Look Fat?"

Strategic responses to the ever dangerous "Do I look Fat" question:

"No, not to Stevie Wonder."

"Big time! That's why I'm sleeping with your best friend."

"Does this tie make me look stupid?"

"No hablo ingles."

"Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things kinda balance out."

"If I answer that question, then the terrorists have won."

"Okay, listen: What's important is that you not focus in a negative way on the comparison I am about to make."

"Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity."

"Let me jog around to your front and take a look."

"No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea captains."

"Whoa! A talking couch!!"

"May I consult the Iraqi Minister of Information before answering that?"

Submitted by Sean

==================================

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==================================

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THREE FROGS - SAY AH - NO, A BIG AHHHHH! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/125276.html

STRANGE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING SHOTS! - 11 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125336.html

OLD CIRCUS ACTS - ELEPHANTS - TRAINING - 14 - FLYING GIRL - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/125363.html

AMAZING "RETRO" CUSTOM CARS - CADILLAC CYCLONE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/125492.html

AMAZING "RETRO" CUSTOM CARS - SLEEK & STREAMLINED! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125500.html

TRAVEL AMAZING NEW ZEALAND - TAKE A TRIP! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125511.html

STRANGE OLD "LIMBER" CIRCUS LADY - - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/125529.html

UPSCALE ICE FISHING "SHANTY" - EXTERIOR - SATELLITE DISH! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/125547.html

STRANGE SIAMESE TWINS - ABIGAL & BRITTNEY HENSEL - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/125567.html

MARTIN P6M SEAMASTER - JET POWERED SEAPLANE BOMBER - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/125569.html

STRANGE BRIDGES AROUND THE WORLD - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125579.html

WOMEN'S BOXING - AMAZING KNOCKOUT! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/125609.html

THE DANGERS OF ARTILLERY FIRE - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/125613.html

WWII CAPTURED JAPANESE KAMIKAZI FLYING BOMB! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/125616.html

STRANGE HOT AIR BALLOONS! GOLF BALLS & CHAMPAGNE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/125619.html

SEXY BLONDE COP - IS THAT A REGULAR UNIFORM? - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/125627.html

STRANGE COP CARS - ASIA - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/125641.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - COPS - GUNS - LAWYERS - EMS - PROTESTERS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/59_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Information About Cats - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/125488.html

Ted Nugent Muses on Deer Hunting and the French! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125571.html

Wedding Off: Woman Dumps Fiance's Van and Possessions in Harbor - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125573.html

And You Thought YOU Were Having a Bad Day........ - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/125598.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - COPS - GUNS - LAWYERS - EMS - PROTESTERS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/112_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Vol 589 - May 13, 2007 - Strange Hospital Chart Notations

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com

-------------------------------

INCREDIBLE HOTEL DISCOUNTS! Check out these prices and compare them to any others! Book your Vacation or Business Travel TODAY:

Check out the HOTEL Specials: http://www.reservetravel.com/v5/redir.aspx?&type=search&siteid=9055

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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes:

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it..." -- Oprah Winfrey

"It's the friends you can call up at 4:00 a.m. that really matter…" -- Marlene Dietrich

"This day I will marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, love."
This is what rapper Eminem wrote on the invitation card to his wedding to his ex-wife Kim on January 14, 2006.

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." - Oprah Winfrey

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Hospital Chart Notations

Strange Hospital Chart Notations

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.

Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE DANCER - WITH BIG SNAKE! YELLOW BOA CONSTRICTOR! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/124933.html

STRANGE HOUSE - ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN! WHAT A VIEW! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/124951.html

AMAZING DIRT BIKE JUMPS ! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/125207.html

BASHFUL BEAR - HIDING HIS EYES! LOOK AT THOSE CLAWS! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/125273.html

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STRANGE "WRINKLE FACED" PUPPIES! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125296.html

DANGEROUS ROCK FORMATION HANGS OVER THE ROAD! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/125297.html

STRANGE "XBOX 360" PROMOTION ON THE BEACH! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/125298.html

STRANGE HUGE DOG! - THAT'S A HORSE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125299.html

CATE BLANCHETT - SKELETON LIKE! - 1 - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/125308.html

US COAST GUARD 'TALL SHIP' - TRAINING - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/125311.html

STRANGE BLONDE T-SHIRT - I RECYCLE MINE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/125312.html

STRANGE ELEPHANT BASKETBALL DUNK! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/125313.html

STRANGE PLACE TO SIT! AIRPLANE WING - JUMP ON THE HELO SKID! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/125314.html

STRANGE WWII GLIDER - KT-60 (A-40) - TANK - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/125317.html

STRANGE AIRPLANE - WHAT IS THIS THING? - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/125318.html

MOTHERS DAY - BE THE QUEEN! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/125328.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/31_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

When Insults Had Class... - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/124558.html

Sources of Pride in New Jersey... - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/125290.html

Kids Books You'll Never See - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/125291.html

The A to Z of Strange Household Hints - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/125294.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - * STRANGE PEOPLE - Scary & Just Plain Dumb!

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/107_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

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Fwd: [b3ta] "Cut out my eyes, I've bought a guide dog!"

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Fwd: [b3ta] "International Face AIDS day"

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