Vol 655 - Dec. 30, 2007 - New Year's Resolutions for Pets

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM YOUR 'STRANGE' FRIENDS!

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About Cosmetic Surgery:

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy. - Joan Rivers

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. - Rita Rudner

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
Rita Rudner

If anybody says their facelift doesn't hurt, they're lying. It was like I'd spent the night with an axe murderer. - Sharon Osbourne

The thing you notice here after America is how refreshingly ordinary people look because they haven't had their chin wrapped around the back of their ears. - Sir Ian McKellen

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills. - Dolly Parton

They showed this one beautiful picture of me recently and they had all the things that I had done. I thought it was a great compliment for everybody to think I've had plastic surgery. - Cybill Shepherd - 55-year-old actress denying she had plastic surgery and flattered because people thought she had.

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - New Year's Resolutions for Pets

1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

2. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

3. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

4. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

5. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.

7. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

8. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

9. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

10. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

NASTY LOOKING WALL CLOUD! STORM COMING! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/132951.html

STRANGE 'TREE' HOUSES - REDWOOD TREES - SEQUOIA'S - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/133432.html

STRANGE 2008 NEW YEARS AD CAMPAIGN FOR DENTAL ASSOC
http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133826.html

CRUEL 'EYE TEST' FOR OLD GEEZERS - SENIORS - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133611.html

STRANGE CHURCH SERMAN - GIVIN THE WEEKS ACTIVITIES! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/133646.html

GLORIA STEINEM - HER PLAYBOY BUNNY DAYS! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/133648.html

ANN HODGES - ONLY PERSON ON RECORD TO BE HIT BY A METEORITE! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133649.html

WORLDS BIGGEST AND SMALLEST MAN MEET! - 1 - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133651.html

STRANGE BUSINESS SIGN - HOT DOG SHOP - FLASHER? - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133654.html

STRANGE 'JUNK' CAR - COVERED! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133674.html

THE DANGERS OF SUNBATHING TO LONG! - SKELETON - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/133677.html

STRANGE DOG IN STRANGE CROCODILE OUTFIT - 2 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/133679.html

WWI - SUBMARINE FLOATILLA & MOTHER SHIP - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/133694.html

RCMP - ROYAL CANADIAN MOUNTED POLICE - ON HORSEBACK - 1865 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133702.html

DALMATION DOG WITH A SPOTTED CAT PROBLEM TO EXPLAIN! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133715.html

MEXICAN DONKEY - ALL DRESSED UP WITH EYE LINER! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133716.html

STRANGE CAT HAIRCUTS - THE 'LION' CUT! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/133723.html

COOL F-1 RACING HELMET - COOL REFLECTION - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/133735.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - STRANGE ALBUM & MUSICAL CD COVERS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/100362_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

The TRUTH About Religion? - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133579.html

The Bathtub Test - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/133610.html

6 (un)Luckiest People in the World - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133613.html

30 Strangest Lawsuits - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133614.html

5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/133615.html

Strange Famous Last Words - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133616.html

New Years Resolutions For Internet Junkies - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/23769.html

New Years Eve Hangover Cures - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/25283.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - STRANGE ALBUM & MUSICAL CD COVERS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Exotic Ports of Call - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 654 - Dec. 26, 2007 - Strange Instructions on Actual Products

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange "Money" Quotes:

"Early to bed and early to rise -- till you get enough money to do otherwise." - Peter's Almanac

"God is on everyone's side … and in the last analysis, he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies. - Jean Anouilh (1910-87), French playwright

University President: "Why is it that you physicists always require so much expensive equipment? Now the Department of Mathematics requires nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers...and the Department of Philosophy is better still. It doesn't even ask for erasers."- Isaac Asimov (1920-92), Russian-born American scientist, writer

"The only reason to have money is to tell any SOB in the world to go to hell." - Humphrey Bogart, American actor

"The surest way to get rid of a bore is to lend money to him." - Paul Louis Courier

"Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends." - Larry Wilde

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Idiot Instructions on Actual Products

Here are actual package instructions found by actual people on actual products.
==========================

ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT
"Do not turn upside down." (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
"Product will be hot after heating."

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
"Do not iron clothes on body."

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE
"Do not drive car or operate machinery."

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)
"Warning: may cause drowsiness."

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
"Warning keep out of children."

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
"Not to be used for the other use."

ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS
"Warning: contains nuts."

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS
"Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts."

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."

ON A PACKET OF SUNMAID RAISINS
"Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?"

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

TWO FATTIES TAXING THE LIMITS OF A MOTORIZED SCOOTER - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/132950.html

STRANGE 'TREE' HOUSES - REDWOOD TREES - SEQUOIA'S - DRIVE THRU! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/133425.html

STRANGE HARLEY DAVIDSON 'PARADE' GERMANY - 1 - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133527.html

HAPPY RACCOON - CLAPPING! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/133554.html

STRANGE TREE HOUSES - UP HIGH! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133602.html

STRANGE TREE TRUNK STAIRCASE - NEW ZEALAND - 2 - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133604.html

STRANGE TREE TRUNK STAIRCASE - NEW ZEALAND - 1 - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133605.html

STRANGE 'BUS LIKE' LITTLE CAR - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133606.html

MOTORCYCLE RACING - THE MADDENING PART! - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/133607.html

COOL RAINBOW - FARM FIELD - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/133608.html

STRANGE "HUMAN SHAPED" SHADOW IN RAINBOW HALO - CHINA - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/128794.html

FARMER VIEWS STRANGE TORNADO AND RAINBOW TOGETHER! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/120187.html

1925 ROLLS ROYCE PHANTOM I JONCKHEERE COUPE - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/114844.html

AMAZING MILITARY FLYOVER - TEXAS AGGIES FOOTBALL STADIUM! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/120124.html

3 REALLY STRANGE BMW'S - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/4956.html

1950's "ULTRA MODERN" TELEVISION AND STEREO HI-FI - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/121490.html

COOL HOT ROD ROADSTER WITH SNOW TRACKS - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/113466.html

SPECIAL CEREMONY - RELEASE OF THE PEACE DOVE! - DEAD! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/123036.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - PUZZLES - STRANGE ITEMS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/100302_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Strange Heap O Steaming Facts - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/103597.html

Things To Do When You're Totally Bored - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/102725.html

16 Crazy Top 10 Lists - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/102523.html

1000 Pick Up Lines - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/102516.html

100 Reasons that Beer is Better than Women - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/102720.html

Top Code Phrases for Stupid - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/103805.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - OPTICAL ILLUSIONS - PUZZLES - STRANGE ITEMS

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/115_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 653 - Dec. 23, 2007 - Strange Christmas Facts

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Christmas "Quotes"

"Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal." - Lenore Hershey

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit." - Kin Hubbard

"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together." - Garrison Keillor

"Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year." - P. J. O'Rourke

Strange Quotes About Santa:

Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money? - Tom Armstrong

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple Black

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. - Victor Borge

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark. - Dick Gregory

Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking? - Arlo Guthrie

I played Santa Claus many times, and if you don't believe it, check out the divorce settlements awarded my wives. - Groucho Marx "The Groucho Phile"

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Christmas Facts

Saint Nicholas of Myra, the original Santa Claus, was the patron saint of children, thieves and pawnbrokers.

Based on previous surveys, 17 percent of you will embarrass yourselves in some way at your office Christmas party.

A Mongolian wild ass can run 8 mph faster than a reindeer.

It's Donder, not Donner.

Christmas pudding should be stirred from east to west.

56 percent of Americans sing holiday carols to their pets.

53 percent of Americans plan to "re-gift" this year.

1 in 3 men will wait until Christmas Eve to finish their shopping.

1 in 6 men would like to get rid of all the "gift-giving nonsense."

A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.

On Christmas Eve in 2001, the Bethlehem Hotel had 208 of its 210 rooms free.

It's "God rest ye merry, gentlemen," not "God rest ye, merry gentlemen."

There are 1.76 billion candy canes produced every year.

Kris Kringel, a man in his 40s, lives in North Pole, Alaska, and delivers pizzas for a living. He drives a 1984 Ford Tempo.

Based on a 1999 estimated population count of North America and Europe, on Christmas Eve of that year Santa Claus had to visit 42,466,666 homes in a 12-hour period -- that's 983 homes per second.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

BAD DOG! TOILET PAPER MANIAC! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/132596.html

STRANGE "SHOE" CARS - RED BOOT - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133236.html

STRANGE ASIAN STUNTS - PULL CAR WITH EYELIDS! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/133329.html

STRANGE ALBUM COVERS - ARMLESS & LEGLESS GUITARIST! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133391.html

STRANGE 'BLONDE' TEST - I BET YOU FAIL! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133395.html

STRANGE 'TREE' HOUSES - REDWOOD TREES - SEQUOIA'S - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133422.html

EVEL KNIEVEL - ON HIS MOTORCYCLE - DEAD AT 69 - 12-2007 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133449.html

STRANGE CABIN CRUISER - HIGH AND DRY ON A ROCK! - STORM DANGERS - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/133473.html

MOTORCYCLE RACERS - TIGHT TURN - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133475.html

STRANGE COPPER/ALUMINUM SHELBY COBRA - TOP DOWN VIEW - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133491.html

RALLY CAR FLYING OVER HILL - SPECTATORS LEAN OUT TO TAKE PICTURES! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133502.html

STRANGE LITTLE PROPELLER DRIVEN CAR! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133503.html

STRANGE MILITARY TANK / STRETCH LIMOUSINE! - SIDE VIEW - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/133513.html

75 FOOT YACHT HEADS FOR NASSAU BAHAMAS HARBOR - HURRICANE 11-06 - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/133515.html

STRANGE FAT PETS SERIES - FAT CAT - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/133539.html

STRANGE TINY LITTLE FROG - BIG GREEN SNAKE - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/133553.html

BIG APE THINKS YOU'RE NUMBER 1 - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/133561.html

BOXING GLOVES - LITTLE KID'S SNEAKY PUNCH TO THE FACE - POW! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133563.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - CHRISTMAS & NEW YEARS -Strange & Goofy Holiday Pix

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100312_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

10 Most Bizarre Scientific Papers - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/133396.html

Moron British Police Concerned More About 'Injury to Criminals' Than Homeowners - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133398.html

The Top 15 Forgotten Olde Tyme Christmas Carols - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/22455.html

REMEMBER - JUST 'ONE' DRINK AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/112765.html

Strange Christmas Traditions Around The World - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/25266.html

Dog Rules For Christmas - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/25262.html

Night Before Christmas Poem - New Version - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/104397.html

A Lawyer's Christmas - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/112775.html

Top 20 Ways to Confuse Santa - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/22478.html

Interesting Christmas Quotes - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/20662.html

Dear Santa Letters (With Responses) - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/23761.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - HOLIDAYS - Xmas - Halloween - Thanksgiving

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/15_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

[b3ta] "Happy Easter!"

This Week:
* DIY - Hampster Davros Dance
* CHALLENGE - Uncropped album art
* QUESTION - "I'm so dumb that I..."

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "GEOFF MAN AYUM BLIND
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | AYEE CANNA SEE ME
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| TURKEY, MAN!"

B3ta email 308 - 21 Dec 2007

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue308/

Finger: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Poke: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
Win £5k for beer label design

Brahma beer, in collaboration with Don't
Panic, needs you to design their new bottle
label. Do it real good and you'll not only get
£5000, but also have your artwork displayed in
quality retailers throughout the land. Enter
at as many times as you want!
http://www.vistobrahma.com

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
Not including the lame xmas virals

>> Hampster Davros Dance <<
Oh yes oh yes yes, this is more like the
projects we like to see on B3ta,
VampireMonkeyOnSpeed has mashed up an old
singing hamster toy and turned it into his
very own leader of the Daleks, Davros. First
gawp at the photo then giggle at the video.
Our faith in the world is restored.
http://vitaminmp3.blogspot.com/2007/12/dancing-davros.html

>> Best of Question Swap <<
Remember Question Swap - if you missed it,
then think yahoo answers, but peopled by
mentals. Its creator phantomboner blithers,
"I've made an eBook. All the best Q&As from
the site in one handy format. You could
pretend it was a Xmas gift and give away to
newsletter readers." Heh, quite amusing
actually. It's the randomness of it all that
makes it compelling.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/906991/Best-Of-QuestionSwapcom

>> Naked mankini promo video <<
"We're doing this show," complains Ryan, "but
the problem is nobody knows how to use Joost.
So we made this video and put it on youtube."
Heh - we're linking this for two reasons: 1,
we're amused that even the show makers for
Joost are admitting the platform is useless,
and 2, it features a bravely cheerful naked
man dressed in Borat's, swimsuit gallivanting
around London. What's not to like?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Y0Wam52JBZY

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Evil Pranks

Last week we asked for the nastiest pranks
you've played on your mates:
http://b3ta.com/questions/evilpranks/

* "And after nearly a year of groundwork and
being turned down times beyond number, my
friend Tom got the girl, the perfect girl, to
finally go out on a date with him. Tom was
beside himself. '"I'll take her to the finest
restaurant in town. The new Thai one - it'll
be perfect." We're all rooting for Tom. As
D-Day approaches, we slap him on the back,
ease his nerves and wish him well. On the
night itself, most of us have forgotten, but
not Alan. Oh, no. Alan's car turns up outside
everyone's house at 8pm, beeping like a
maniac. What's going on? Ten minutes later the
answer is clear - we're parked opposite the
new Thai place. And look, just inside is Tom,
the happiest man in the world. Al begs
silence. Al's phone appears. A number is
dialed. "Hello, Thai Kingdom?" "Good evening,
this is Doctor Wilkinson of Grantham Hospital.
Could you please pass on a message to a
gentleman I believe is dining with you
tonight? Could you tell him that his wife has
just gone into labour? Thank you. Good
evening." The helpful manager strolls over to
the table. The girl stands up. Slaps him.
Leaves. He runs after her. A few steps outside
he pauses, then stops. He sees our car. He
sees his friends in stitches. He clicks. He
screams. He runs towards the car, profanities
flying. Five people are laughing so hard that
they are in danger of having a cardiac arrest.
The car lurches away. We have to avoid Tom for
three weeks..." (Khaos)

* "My girlfriend is petrified of the
loft/attic and wont go in unless I'm there, on
the ladder, head in the loft to make sure
she's ok and body outside to keep ladder in
place. She's scared that she'll standing
between rafters, that the ladder will fall
away, that the light will go out, that
insulation will brush against her leg. Oh and
spiders obviously. I am in no way to make
jokes about any part of this. The really weird
thing is that she organised the whole loft so
I'm not allowed to move stuff or get stuff
out. The other week, perched on the ladder I
hatched my plan. When she wasnt looking, I
ducked down the ladder, knocked the ladder out
so it crashed down, then hit the ground with a
loud yell that appeared to just cut off half
way before lying very still, face down. I
listened, trying not to laugh at the wild
hysterical screaming as she ran across the
loft, losing her footing and, one foot through
the plasterboard, tripped grabbing the
extension cable to the lamp we hung up there,
tearing it out so the light goes off. It all
took about 5 seconds. I turn over with a big
smile and look up at her face hanging over the
hatch literally unable to stop screaming at
"seeing me dead." It's really weird watching
the love of your life screaming like her whole
world just ended. Seriously, try it. She'll
get over it." (I have run out of coke)

* "Not really evil, but a few weeks ago I went
into Waterstones. Someone had left a sheet of
'signed by the author' stickers on a table, so
I swiped it and spent a while sticking them on
copies of The Bible, Dickens and Jane Austen"
(shavedchimp)

>> This Week's Question <<
What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?
We're keeping this question open for two weeks
to allow you to get up to stupid stuff and
send it in:
http://b3ta.com/questions/dumbthings/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Simple tips for writing <<
No massive internet rofls here, just a clear
and interesting guide to writing style that we
quite enjoyed poring over. Illustrates, for
example, the power of understatement: "It is
never very difficult to distinguish between a
Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of
sunshine." [P. G. Wodehouse]
http://snipurl.com/cleverwordycunts

>> Letters to rock stars <<
Pretty much everyone has naughtily downloaded
an illegal mp3 or sneaked into a gig from
their favourite band. Here, people write
confessional letters to their musical heroes,
telling all and including $5 for expenses.
http://www.dearrockers.org/

>> Ren & Stimpy animator's blog <<
The website of R&S artist John Kricfalusi,
where he analyses cartoons and posts tips for
upcoming animators. Interesting stuff, even if
you lack the ambition to create scatological
scribblings.
http://johnkstuff.blogspot.com/

-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like a web based PXL-2000

>> Make a toothbrush robot <<
Step by step details on how to transform your
toothbrush from useless implement of dental
hygiene to fearsome engine of destruction.
Please note, your fearsomeness mileage may
vary.
http://www.evilmadscientist.com/article.php/bristlebot

>> Terry chops <<
We're not sure what this is. Well, obviously,
it's a bloke walloping household objects in
slow-motion with an extremely sharp axe. But
the production values are extremely high,
leading us to think it's marketing. But what
on earth for? Highly entertaining nonetheless.
http://terryschopshop.blogspot.com/

>> Simpsons 'picture a day for 39 years' <<
Animated, yellow take on Noah Kalina's
mesmerising YouTube hit of last year
'Everyday'. Funny Homer montage presented as a
picture taken every day of his life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBfiDPcvy_c

>> Gordon Ramsey's fucking nightmares <<
Peculiar glimpse into the self-loathing mire
that makes up the private life of TV's mouthy
uber-chef.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ramseys_Nightmare

>> "Borderline pornographic" cat video <<
A 30-second clip of someone's cat that was
deemed unsuitable for a number of cat
enthusiast forums. Entirely safe for work, in
our opinion. Although it is somewhat
unsettling seeing a podgy old moggy made to
look like she's flirting with the lens.
http://snipurl.com/avoidspussypun

>> Ocean Finance ad - Trek-style <<
Shoddy daytime TV ads create their own cult
among their few viewers who are not elderly,
infirm or stupid. Here, debt consolidation
agency Ocean gets its cheapo campaign revoiced
by original Star Trek characters. We must
admit to a partiality for Kirk & co that made
us like this, perhaps more than we should.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ocean_Finance_Ad

-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Buck & Follocks PLC

"My mate set this company up ages ago", writes
Lord_Munkee, "and has decided to sell it." He
he, the real amusement for us in the story
contained within the ebay page - companies
shoue wouldn't accept the name Buck &
Follocks, so they created two companies,
'Buck' and 'Fullocks' and then incorporated!
Genius. Lord_Munkee also asks us to point out
you can buy the company as it would "make a
great xmas pressie."
http://snipurl.com/buybuybuy

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Literal Band Names Challenge

Last week we wanted you to envisage band names
as if they were real-life things.

Your favourites included:

* LED ZEPPELIN - fiendishly clever
interpretation of the inspiration for Jimmy
Page's rock colossus (disconnected)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7872637

* SMASHING PUMPKINS - not what you expect, and
all the better for it. (Ttssattsr)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7863929

* ARCADE FIRE - further double-edged
picture-play from the b3tard whose images have
now graced the b3ta homepage a remarkable 446
times. (monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7880024

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/literal_band_names/

>> New challenge: Extending Album Art <<
Using any tools available - you, your record
collection, a camera, photoshop, a scanner,
whatever works - show us what happens beyond
the borders of classic album sleeves, how the
artwork continues. Challenge open for TWO
magnificent weeks.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/album_art/

-------------------------------------------------

: BEST BEFORE SURVEY?
Members bravely test sellby dates

We asked you to test best before dates, in a
shock result, many of you wrote in to say how
much booze improves after leaving it for a few
years.

* LAGER - " I drank a can of Red Stripe lager
that I found in the office fridge. It was FIVE
YEARS out of date. It tasted a bit like
whisky, and two cans later, my colleague and
I were rolling around drunk under our desks."
(Mr Gear)

* GUINNESS - "I drank some canned Guinness
dated Feb '02. It smelt like guinness, but
had, in time, turned into a chewy Special
Brew. After 3/4 of a can, I nearly stopped
drinking it." Note the careful use of the word
'nearly ' from Fishbowler.

* SCIENCE BIT - "... it doesn't go off as
such, it's because after that date, the
brewery cannot guarantee that it will still
be only 4.1%. COnsequently, the alcohol level
rises after the best before date. Hurrah for
residual yeast." (just1bloke)

* SPECIAL MEATY AWARD - "A few weeks ago I
cooked some chilli with some nice beef mince.
I then left it in the fridge for 9 days. After
briefly pondering whether that was too long
(it's about 6 days longer than the internet
says you should), I ate it topped with some
bacon that had been open for about a fortnight
(packet says 48 hour maximum). I got the shits
and won't be doing that again." (Shitworth)

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Don't let go! returns!

A b3ta favourite from some time ago, AKX has
revamped his internet version of 'Touch the
truck' for a new generation of powerful
machines.
http://servut.us/akx/dlg2/

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT YEAR'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* I WISH IT COULD BE CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY
LIVEJOURNAL - live like Roy Wood's fantasy hit
for a whole year, Turkey and Dam busters every
day, and blog the accumulative misery.

* BUS LOLS - we sitting on a public transport
the other day and were enjoying the live CCTV
feed of the other passengers, and briefly
fantasied about a website where you could pick
the route you wanted to spy on and vote up
your favourite captured incidents to the front
page. Sell a bit of advertising on it - and
you'd have cheap entertainment and subsidised
transport.

* RELATIVE MINGER THEORY - Dr Ben Goldacre has
written to us about a project idea that
fascinates him but he's too lazy to carry out,
"My girlfriend says that whenever a woman uses
a profile picture of herself with a friend, on
a social networking site, that friend will
always be uglier. After looking on facebook
for 20 minutes I'm inclined to agree. Can
anyone be bothered to apply for a grant, take
some two-faced profile pics, split them in
half, get a panel of superficial men to rate
their fitness, crunch the results, and publish
on this Relative Minger Theory?"

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Bob Todd,
Terry, gormo. Additional linkage and image
challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is
QOTW bloke. Subj from SexFace and prodigy69.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:

Annoy airport security! Scribble 'made you
look :)' on some paper, wrap it in a condom
and shove it up your arse. Act in a suspicious
manner when going through customs, once you
have agitated security enough, wait until they
search you then point and laugh. (Willenium)

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You
Die. I would have thought the obvious one was
"Shout For Help".
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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Vol 652 - Dec. 20, 2007 - Strange Hospital Chart Notations

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Quotes About Politicians:

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Are you a politician asking what your country can do for you, or a zealous one asking what you can do for your country? If you are the first, then you are a parasite; if the second, then you are an oasis in the desert. - Kahlil Gibran

I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician. - Charlie Chaplin

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. - Jay Leno

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Rodney Dangerfield

A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
Henry Louis Mencken

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators._Will Rogers

Many a politician wishes there was a law to burn old records. - Will Rogers

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. - Larry Hardiman

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. - Ronald Reagan

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Hospital Chart Notations

Strange Hospital Chart Notations

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.

Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE "SHOE" CARS - YELLOW BOOT - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/133237.html

SURFIN' SANTA CLAUS ! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132473.html

STRANGE " GREEN BEER BOTTLE" CHRISTMAS TREE! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/132952.html

CHRISTMAS BLESSINGS PPS PRESENTATION - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133042.html

STRANGE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMERS - FLYING DOLPHIN ? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/133211.html

STRANGE OPTICAL ILLUSION - 3-D DICE! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133267.html

IMPERIAL AIRWAYS - LONDON TO PARIS COMMERCIAL AIRPLANE - HANNIBAL - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133323.html

GERMANS NOT AMUSED AT PEOPLE STEALING TOWN SIGN - FU! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133338.html

RODEO RIDER GRABS THE TAIL OF BULL! - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/133358.html

STRANGE 1940's COUPE - WITH A BIG SMILE - TEETH! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133386.html

COOL MILITARY JET SHOT - SKYLIGHT - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/133393.html

STRANGE FULL BODY & FACE TATTOO! - BRING THE CHECKERS!
http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/128808.html

STRANGE CAMO MOTORCYCLE - MIRROR FINISH! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133387.html

WEIRDEST TRAFFIC VIOLATION EVER ! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/133388.html

STRANGE ALBUM COVERS - 'MOUSE IN MY PANTS!' - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133389.html

STRANGE ALBUM COVERS - SMOKEY LEE - MADE PAROLE - WILL TRAVEL! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/133390.html

STRANGE HORSE HEAD COVER - SUNGLASSES! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133392.html

WORLDS FASTEST POLICE CAR - FERRARI 612 GLIETTI - V-12 - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/133394.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - TOYS - Games - Childrens Books - Fun & Goofy

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/100306_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Christmas in Washington DC 2007 - No Nativity Scene! - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/132730.html

The Little Boy, The Priest, and the 'Father Collar" - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133212.html

After Horrible Accident, Man Faces Tough Decision - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133379.html

New Medications for Women Only - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/105865.html

Strangest Stuff Ever Stolen - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/105770.html

A Code of Ethical Behavior For Patients - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/101792.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - TOYS - Games - Childrens Books - Fun & Goofy

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/category/102_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 651 - Dec. 17, 2007 - Things Learned The Hard Way

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Celeb Quotes About Cosmetic Surgery:

Cosmetic surgery is terrifying. It never looks good. Those women look weird. They look in the mirror and think they look great, but they don't see what we see. I think it's hideous. They scare small children. - Model Jerry Hall

I'd like to grow old with my face moving. - Kate Winslet
Actress on why she would not consider cosmetic surgery.

Actresses have to be able to frown. - Catherine Deneuve
Screen legend on why she is against cosmetic surgery.

It wasn't a fortune. It cost me the price of one-and-a-half Hermes handbags.
Anne Robinson - British TV personality on her cosmetic surgery.

Plastic surgery and breast implants are fine for people who want that, if it makes them feel better about who they are. But, it makes these people, actors especially, fantasy figures for a fantasy world. Acting is about being real being honest.
Kate Winslet

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Things Learned The Hard Way

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE DOG - ALLIGATOR COSTUME - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/132545.html

STRANGE CHRISTMAS 1983 - NANCY REAGAN AND MR. T! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132956.html

STRANGE "NO NAILS" SPIRAL STAIRCASE - LORETTO CHAPEL - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/133202.html

STRANGE "SNOW FAIRY" SHOVELING THE PATHWAY - BEWARE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133203.html

STRANGE VW 'BUG' POLICE CAR - WITH A HAT! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133204.html

BAD LITTLE SCHOOL KIDS AT RECESS - BLOCK TEACHER DOOR WITH SNOW - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133206.html

WOMEN DOING HOUSEWORK - HOW NATURAL! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/133209.html

STRANGE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMERS - FROG FLOP? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/133210.html

AMAZING KICK BOXING - LEG WHIP AND RIGHT HAND KNOCKOUT! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133214.html

STRANGE TOMBSTONES - AIN'T SO BAD???? - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133219.html

STRANGE "SHOE" CARS - RONALD McDONALD SHOE - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133235.html

2007 - STRANGE MUGSHOT HALL OF FAME/SHAME - 2007 - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133245.html

STRANGE LITTLE GIRL - THE LITTLEST ANGEL - BORN 2 LBS. 8 OZ - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133246.html

STRANGE "ONION" RING ! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133268.html

HEY - LET'S GO SWIMMING - THE WAVES ARE 'GREAT!' - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133271.html

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE CHART - PMS - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133297.html

WAVE WEARY BABY DUCK - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/133302.html

STRANGE HIGH WIRE STUNT - HEAD STAND ON BICYCLE OVER DEEP GORGE! - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/133327.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - * COOL - Airplanes - Unique - Strange - Neat Stuff

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/9_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

YOU CAN'T STEAL MY **CHRISTMAS* Poem - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/132676.html

Man Drinks Liter of Vodka at Airport Security Line - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/133196.html

You Might Be a Member of the Taliban or Al Qaeda if... - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/133198.html

How to WIN The War on Terror - Draft Guys Over 60! - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133200.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - * COOL - Airplanes - Unique - Strange - Neat Stuff

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/115_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

==========================

********** This message printed on recyclable media*********** (Think about it!)

Visit Often - Tell Your Friends - Never Follow!

#1 Stranger

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Remove E-mail Address - http://www.strangecosmos.com/static/unsubscribe.html

Vol 651 - Dec. 16, 2007 - Things Learned The Hard Way

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com -

---------------------

The Perfect Holiday Gift! Rated #1 by Strange Cosmos...

Check it out!!! Give the gift of laughter to your friends! Order by phone or online now to receive by Christmas....

http://www.psychyourselfskinny.com/

------------------------

Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

==================================

Strange Celeb Quotes About Cosmetic Surgery:

Cosmetic surgery is terrifying. It never looks good. Those women look weird. They look in the mirror and think they look great, but they don't see what we see. I think it's hideous. They scare small children. - Model Jerry Hall

I'd like to grow old with my face moving. - Kate Winslet
Actress on why she would not consider cosmetic surgery.

Actresses have to be able to frown. - Catherine Deneuve
Screen legend on why she is against cosmetic surgery.

It wasn't a fortune. It cost me the price of one-and-a-half Hermes handbags.
Anne Robinson - British TV personality on her cosmetic surgery.

Plastic surgery and breast implants are fine for people who want that, if it makes them feel better about who they are. But, it makes these people, actors especially, fantasy figures for a fantasy world. Acting is about being real being honest.
Kate Winslet

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers

==================================

Today's Featured Humor : -) - Things Learned The Hard Way

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

==================================

Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

==================================

STRANGE DOG - ALLIGATOR COSTUME - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/132545.html

STRANGE CHRISTMAS 1983 - NANCY REAGAN AND MR. T! - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/132956.html

STRANGE "NO NAILS" SPIRAL STAIRCASE - LORETTO CHAPEL - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/133202.html

STRANGE "SNOW FAIRY" SHOVELING THE PATHWAY - BEWARE! - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/133203.html

STRANGE VW 'BUG' POLICE CAR - WITH A HAT! - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/133204.html

BAD LITTLE SCHOOL KIDS AT RECESS - BLOCK TEACHER DOOR WITH SNOW - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133206.html

WOMEN DOING HOUSEWORK - HOW NATURAL! - http://www.strangepolice.com/content/item/133209.html

STRANGE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMERS - FROG FLOP? - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/133210.html

AMAZING KICK BOXING - LEG WHIP AND RIGHT HAND KNOCKOUT! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133214.html

STRANGE TOMBSTONES - AIN'T SO BAD???? - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/133219.html

STRANGE "SHOE" CARS - RONALD McDONALD SHOE - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133235.html

2007 - STRANGE MUGSHOT HALL OF FAME/SHAME - 2007 - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133245.html

STRANGE LITTLE GIRL - THE LITTLEST ANGEL - BORN 2 LBS. 8 OZ - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/133246.html

STRANGE "ONION" RING ! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133268.html

HEY - LET'S GO SWIMMING - THE WAVES ARE 'GREAT!' - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/133271.html

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE CHART - PMS - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133297.html

WAVE WEARY BABY DUCK - http://www.strangezoo.com/content/item/133302.html

STRANGE HIGH WIRE STUNT - HEAD STAND ON BICYCLE OVER DEEP GORGE! - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/content/item/133327.html

==================================

The Featured Pix Category This Week - * COOL - Airplanes - Unique - Strange - Neat Stuff

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/9_1.html

==================================

The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

YOU CAN'T STEAL MY **CHRISTMAS* Poem - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/132676.html

Man Drinks Liter of Vodka at Airport Security Line - http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/133196.html

You Might Be a Member of the Taliban or Al Qaeda if... - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/133198.html

How to WIN The War on Terror - Draft Guys Over 60! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/133200.html

==================================

The Featured New Category This Week - * COOL - Airplanes - Unique - Strange - Neat Stuff

http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/category/115_1.html

==================================

Be Sure to Check Out All of the Recent New Additions at the "Strange" Family Websites

Travel - Cruises - Destinations - http://www.strangetravel.com/

Kids - Teens - Moms - Parents - http://www.strangefunkidz.com/

Bad Bosses - Employees - Ads - http://www.strangebusiness.com/

Cops - Police - Criminals - Felons - http://www.strangepolice.com/

Weird and Goofy People - http://www.strangepersons.com/

All Your Favorite Folks- http://www.strangecelebrities.com/

Autos - Trucks - Nasty Accidents http://www.strangevehicles.com/

Hockey - Football - Soccer http://www.strangesports.com/

Troops - Jets - Warships - Tanks http://www.strangemilitary.com/

Pets - Dogs - Cats - Wild Animals http://www.strangezoo.com/

Politicians - Parodies - Liberals - NeoCons http://www.strangepolitics.com/

Hurricanes - Lightning – Tsunami's - Dangers - Crashes http://www.strangedangers.com/

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[b3ta] "It's a party in your mouth and everyone is coming"

This Week:
* BREASTICLES - How to draw them
* FOOD - Bacon Biscuits
* QUESTION - Evil Pranks (should be good!)

-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "LOVING CAPSLOCK
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| SINCE 1978"

B3ta email 307 - 14 Dec 2007

Impregnate your browser chuff with linky sputz
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue307/

Avon: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Blake: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINKY LINK
Crap at Christmas shopping?

Sod Christmas Eve on Oxford Street. Late Late
Gifts lists 80+ online shops offering same day
& next day delivery Christmas gifts, plus
freebies & discounts for cheapskate B3tans
(including £5 free Firebox.com voucher). Get
spending pronto, these ads cost cold hard cash:
http://LateLateGifts.co.uk/b3ta

>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want to buy us presents? Then let's talk turkey.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Catface, Girl Porn, and Crap Games

>> Christmas Catface <<
A festive special in the household of Jonti's
macrocephalic feline creation. will Santa
fulfil all their Christmas wishes?
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Cat+Face+6/

>> Porn for girls by girls <<
Nobody knows what women want like another
woman - or b3tard David. It's a cunning ad for
his 'Internet in handy book form", but it's
still funny stuff. What *really* gets women
excited? This is not NSFW, if that's a clue.
http://www.PornForGirlsByGirls.com

>> Wii rip-off review <<
Dr. A continues his crusade against crapness
in copycat consoles from down the market. This
one's a doozy, with a 'motion sensor' based
entirely on ball-bearings and the good
doctor's frustration levels reach such a
height as to necessitate a squirrel interlude.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Tilt_Games_Review_Wii_Rip_off

-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Accidental Animal Cruelty

Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
and lies into one handy place on the interweb.

Last week we wanted to know if you'd be cruel
to an animal. But not on purpose. That would
be horrible:
http://b3ta.com/questions/animalcruelty/

* FROG WARS - "When I was a young-un, there
was this large-ish pond in the woods near our
house. Each year, for some unknown reason, the
pond used get full of frogs. You could just
plunge your hand in and almost always come out
with a frog. Being gentle, kind-hearted kids
we came up with a great game "Frog Wars". This
basically involved throwing frogs at each
other whilst running around the pond. There
weren't really any rules, you just had to
throw frogs at someone. I hurled a frog right
across the pond at another kid. It was one of
those perfect throws that you just knew was
going to hit its mark. The world almost stood
still as the frog-weapon arced over the water
towards my target. Unfortunately for him, he
happened to be shouting just at the moment of
impact and my aim was true. The frog landed
right in his mouth. The poor kid screamed and
vomited on the spot. That was the end of Frog
wars: I think that he went home and told his
mum and we all got a bollocking." (MrCrabby)

* JAFFA ARSED DOG - "I was throwing Jaffa
Cakes to my mate's dog. He wasn't a good catch
and they were going everywhere. We told him to
sit to received the next jaffa, and when he
stood back up, we realised he'd sat on one
which had stuck to his arsehole. He realised
he could smell a jaffa, but couldn't find it,
and started running in circles. He proceeded
to chase his own arse until he became so dizzy
he toppled down the flight of stairs. We
thought he'd broken his neck, but he stood up,
shook himself, and then happily ate the jaffa
which had become dislodged from his date
during the tumble." (hixy)

* CAT KILLER - "My wee brother had a black
kitten, Sootica, that had the unfortunate
habit of sleeping in the laundry basket.
Eventually my mother loaded the basket
straight into the washing machine and drowned
Sootica. When I got home from school my mother
was in hysterics after finding the lifeless
soggy feline in amongst my dad's work socks.
She made me promise to never tell my bro and
that we'd all stick to the line that, "it must
have run away." That was 17 years ago. I told
him at a party last summer when I'd had a few
too many. He took it well. By phoning my mum
out of her bed at 4am whilst off his chops and
calling her "a fucking lying murderer." (Raol
Duke)

Totally not safe if you are eating, but
'Baldie' writes, "He was having a kip in a
hollow log, and I was merrily chopping wood
with my BRAND NEW chainsaw:"
http://www.adam.com.au/phil/poss.jpg

>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like your most evil pranks. Talk to us
here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/evilpranks/

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

>> Crack dollhouse <<
There's two things b3ta loves best: smoking
crack and playing with dollhouses, so imagine
our delight when some kind of web genius
combined the two and built a toy home, made in
miniature, for tiny people on the pipe. And
hey, it's coming up to Xmas, so it's the the
ideal gift for the crack baby in YOUR life.
http://www.virtualdollhouse.net/Grace'sPages/TheBlock.htm

>> Bacon Biscuits <<
Knowing our members fondness for pork, here's
a tip, the next time you cook up some
scrumptious cookies, why not throw some bacon
in the mix? The connoisseurs amongst you might
like to follow up this project by making a
toad in the hole / fudge cake mash-up.
http://snipurl.com/bacontwats

>> How to draw tits <<
Nothing gets attention like a truly great
pair of tits but have you ever thought on how
to draw them without looking like a 13 year
old compulsive masturbator? BTW: Our favourite
celebrity funbags are currently on display as
Chloe Finnegan's chest - the fabulously
breasted daughter of TVs Richard & Judy.
http://www.maxriffner.com/parlor/how-to-draw-boobs

>> Random pervert of the week <<
Via IMDB discussion pages on a bit-part actress
in Star Trek, "How sad that Ms. Oliver is no
longer with us. I had quite a crush on her
back in the 70's! I recall that she got one of
the most realistic spankings in the annals for
TV history when she guest starred on "Wagon
Train" back in the early 1960's. Her character
was a real brat & after she tried to shoot one
of the male leads on the show, Robert Horton,
he takes her over his knee for a very hard
hand spanking (or at lest it looks hard). You
even see him lifting her skirts before he
starts swatting her! That was an unusual move
in movies & TV. In almost all films & TV
shows, the spanker spanks the young lady on
the seat of her pants/jeans or on the seat of
her dress/skirt. By her facial expressions,
poor Ms. Oliver seems like she's really
'getting it' from the young, handsome, stern &
obviously strong Mr. Horton. Anyway, I hope
she rests in peace." And as a bonus? Here's a
completely different perv:
http://filtersweep.shackspace.com/58988662.html

>> Shit superheroes <<
A huge series of comic superheroes each
created to defeat the last with increasingly
contrived powers - although they won't let you
join in with your own submissions because they
are elitist fools holding a finger in the dyke
of user generated content, or whatever it is
that marketing wazzocks call it this week.
http://www.thesuperest.com/

>> The Ronseal Award <<
One day we'll earn millions by partnering up
with Ronseal to do an award, celebrating
websites that do "exactly what it says on the
tin." STOP PRESS: We've only just written this
and we've already had an entry.
http://www.thispeanutlookslikeaduck.com/

>> "Here comes another bubble!" <<
Waggish take on the overheated tech sector,
sung to the tune of Billy Joel's 'We didn't
start the fire'.
http://snipurl.com/bubbletwats

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Sleepy Dormouse

Is there anything cute left in the world? We
were beginning to doubt it, and this section
lay fallow for a time, provoking a tearful
outcry from our more sensitive readers.
Fortunately, b3tards have stepped up to the
challenge, moving to refill the coffers of
cuteness. But there's still a long way to go.
Anyway, in the meantime, here's a lovely
dormouse wintering as we all should;
sleepy and stuffed with food.
http://www.somersetbirder.fsnet.co.uk/dormouse.jpg

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA XMAS GIFT LIST

If you really hate your family and want to
make them miserable this festive season then
here's some really shit ideas.

* FOR MUMS! - nothing says Happy Christmas to
mum like a load of dead baby jokes, and at
910 in the current Amazon sales rankings,
there's going to be a lot of tears this
holiday.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1905548281/b3ta-21

* FOR NEWBORNS - why not a paedo-friendly 'swirly
face man' t-shirt? You'll never be invited
round again. Thanks B3ta!
http://snipurl.com/subnathantwats

* FOR THE TRULY B3TARDED - Only Jonti's MASSIVE
badger plushies will do. Ideal for Xmas
yiffing.
http://snipurl.com/badgertwats

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Christmas Card Challenge

Last week we wanted to make alternative
Christmas cards.

Your favourites included:

* HOMEMADE - victory ensured by a lovely set
of images followed by some romantic news.
Awwww (Weetobix)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7846246

* GOATSE BAUBLE - the internet's favourite
shock image gets a family- friendly festive
makeover (prodigy69)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7845125

* ELEPHANT - an Xmas mashup capturing the true
spirit of the season (Mystery Bob)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7844990

All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/alternative_christmas/

>> New challenge: Band Names Taken Literally <<
What would a Def Leppard look like? Are the
Sugababes actually made out of sugar? Show us
literal interpretations of band names.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/literal_band_names/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.

* BIRO VIRAL SHOCK - Amused to see our linking
on the Biro review generated a bit of
attention - we've seen it on numerous blogs,
and over 39 comments have been added to the
review. And all because we GENUINELY were
looking at biros on Amazon - "thanks Dad!" as
one of our members said.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B000JTOYLS?tag=b3ta-21

* CHRIS HOLS IDEAS - Last week we asked for
your suggestions on what stupid projects Chris
might like to do whilst travelling round the
world. The best suggestion was from Crap
Little Monkey who wrote, "Collect as many
free matchbooks as possible while travelling,
use them to plot the route he took while we
was travelling then set fire to them and
record the Mission Impossible-like burning
trail."

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
Film Sequels

Bored in a DVD store? Your newsletter team
recently visited what was once Virgin in
Camden and spent a happy half hour looking at
all the boxes and thinking of rubbish sequels
ideas.

* President Kong - he's in The White House and
going APE!

* Two Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - When love
meets it's mad!

* And finally, read this as you might imagine
someone pitching an idea to a Hollywood agent
over lunch, "Danny Devito, Arnold
Schwarzenegger and.... Samuel L. Jackson
in.... TRIPLETS!"

See, it's never dull when the newsletter team
go DVD shopping.

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.

Things we'd really like to see include

* WRITEMYCARDFORMEYOUCUNTS.COM - someone
recently asked on our board for suggestions to
put in a wedding card. The winning suggestion?
"Congrats! Couldn't happen to a nicer couple.
PS. If you divorce, we want the kettle back"
which lead to the comment that someone should
"start a website so people know what to write
in cards and people can put in suggestions."
Not a bad idea really.

* MAGGOT CHEESE - can one of our members make
their own Casu Marzu - a cheese made with live
maggots. Maybe with some garden worms in some
Kraft singles. Some info here for our doubters:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

* BEST BEFORE TEST - Tharg2005 writes,
"Inspired by finding a can of Carling 'best
before March 2007' in my fridge, after, oooh,
seconds of risk/reward evaluation, I found out
that the lager tasted exactly like Carling.
We need further studies, on other foods and
drinks, and we need them on the internets."

Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

THANKS:

This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Bob the
Scutter and Hoof Hearted. Additional linkage
and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subj from
Dixon_Knackers.

-------------------------------------------------

TOP TIP:

Cooking for one? Love mince? Flatten your
ground beef in cling wrap before freezing.
Need a bit for a delicious bolognese sauce?
Snap some off - it'll come off easy and
defrosts in no time. (hixy - Helping B3ta
bachelors not eat Pot Noodles since 2002.)

-------------------------------------------------

SICKIPEDIA:

Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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