This Week:
* CAMERON RAPS - cassetteboy's masterpiece?
* LADYBIRD BOOKS - fictional vintage LOLs
* YOUR STORIES - So many stories
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're still alive
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | actually, just
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| a bit lazy"
B3ta email 639 - 3rd Oct 2014
Read this issue on your Amazon SpyPhone:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue639
Sub : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Snub : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Follow @b3ta on Twitter for hexy times:
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: FIRST NEWSLETTER IN AGES
We'll be honest with you - running UsVsTh3m is
taking a lot of time and we've been lazy with
the newsletter, but lots of people have been
tweeting and asking where is it so, fuck it,
here we go, you asked for it, the return of the
fucking B3ta newsletter.
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than bunking off
>> Cassetteboy - Cameron's Conference Rap <<
"Just a little thank you to David Cameron for
legalising the use of copyrighted materials in
parody videos," writes Cassetteboy. Contains
swearing. BTW: This change in the law? Your B3ta
editor went into Parliament and gave evidence on
this. Almost like a proper grown up.
http://b3ta.com/links/Cassetteboy_Camerons_Conference_Rap
>> Slaves of the Rave <<
Chipping Sodbury writes, "Here's a thing I made..."
http://b3ta.com/links/Slaves_of_the_Rave:2
>> MS Paint Picture Reenactments <<
"I ran a photo competition to see if people
could/would recreate my MS Paint pictures,"
writes Mr Eraserhead AKA Jim'll Paint It, "I
was quite surprised to find out that they
could/did."
http://jimllpaintit.bigcartel.com/photo-challenge
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: BEST OF RECENT USVSTH3M STUFF
Loads of GOOD THINGS
* HOW PORNY IS YOUR NAME? - we compare the SFW vs
NSFW search returns for your name and give it a
score. Science.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-porny-is-your-name/
* HOW OLD IS YOUR HEARING? - Find out the true
age of your lugholes!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-porny-is-your-name/
* HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU CLICK IN 3 SECONDS?
Have you got the fastest fingers on the
internet? Find out now!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-many-times-can-you-click-in-3-seconds/
* Or if you want a fuck-load of quizzes - go
here - you can even create your own.
http://community.usvsth3m.com/
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: 5 FAMOUS PEOPLE OLDER THAN NIGEL FARAGE
Despite looking like a twattish retired
colonel, the home counties Hitler was just 50
last April. That makes him younger than many of
your favourite 'Madchester' pop stars. For
example:
* Shaun Ryder - 52
* Ian Brown - 51
* Graham Massey - 54
* Tim Booth - 54
* Clint Boon - 55
Sobering to think that Farage could have been
pilled up and shouting, "are you on one UKIP?"
at the height of Acid House.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* Classic Ladybird Books of Yesteryear -
Photoshop mini-lols galore, a classic formula:
nostalgia made rude.
http://bagofdelights.tumblr.com/post/89652612113/
* High Sreett shops in sci-fi films - Quite why
WE never ran this as a competition can only mean
we're idiots.
http://highstreetshopsinscififilms.tumblr.com/
* Flowers that look like something else - Yes
shit that looks like other shit is a tired meme,
but nature got there first and did it better.
http://emorfes.com/2014/09/27/flowers-that-look-like-something-else-plants-pareidolia
* Argos catalogues from days of old - Let's say
your job is making nostalgic lists for nineties
kids. Start by leafing through this shit.
* Vomit-inducing Facebook quotations - Because
literally everyone is awful. EVERYONE.
http://vomitinducing.tumblr.com/
* Celebs with a Nigel Farage Smile - Pictures of
celebrities, but with the smile of a UKIP leader.
http://celebritieswithnigelfaragesmiles.tumblr.com/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Imagine! TV! On the INTERNET!
* VOLCANO ERUPTION IN PAPUA NEW GUINEA -
dramatic and we're glad we're not in this boat.
http://b3ta.com/links/Volcano_eruption_in_Papua_New_Guinea
* LIKE WOODWORK? LIKE BOOKCASES? LIKE GHOSTS?
You're in luck because ghosts make bookcases in
a haunted workshop. Or maybe it's stop-motion.
http://b3ta.com/links/Like_woodwork_Like_bookcases_Like_ghosts
* STAR WARS SANS MUSIC - it's er.. not very
dramatic.
http://b3ta.com/links/AAAAAAOOOOAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH
* DREADFUL DRUMMER - improves Christian song.
http://b3ta.com/links/Drummer_nails_it_in_church
* WEIRD HORSE VIDEO - don't ask us.
http://player.vimeo.com/video/107435702
* WHERE ARE THEY NOW? The cartoon stars of
yesteryear aren't looking too hot.
http://b3ta.com/links/Where_are_they_now
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Dead Celebs' challenge
Last week we asked you to show us what the
celebrity deceased were doing in the afterlife
Your favourites included:
* Grayson: All those banging doors finally
explained (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11101979
* Rick: Still bothering Eddie (Frogbeat)
http://b3ta.com/board/11101824
* Tories: Cameron and Thatcher (deceased)
(Q4nobody)
http://b3ta.com/board/11101863
All these images, and a couple more can be found
here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/deadcelebs/
>> New challenge: Victorians <<
This week we're going back to when men wore
big hats, ladies wore massive skirts and people
took photos of their dead children.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/Victorians/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
The missing years
We're still asking questions, the latest was
about birthdays, but here are some of the best
answers from the last few weeks you've not
heard from us.
http://b3ta.com/questions/celebrations/
* OFFICELOLS - "Many years ago, I was working as
a temp in some office somewhere doing a non-job.
I was only there for a couple of months and so
when a birthday card came round for someone in
the office I'd never met, I politely declined to
sign it.
"The woman organising this gesture looked at me
like I'd just suggested liquidising a newborn
baby, and so I caved in and signed it with an
empty platitude. She then left me with the card
and instructions to pass it round the office.
"Of course, I then wandered round the corner
and gave it to the birthday boy to sign,
ranting about how the whole thing is fucking
stupid and how I don't even know the guy."
(Baggenfock)
* TRAIN - "Guy I worked with used to keep falling
asleep on the train home after too many shandies
and waking up in Hastings, needing to get a taxi
home.
"Next time he had a night out, he came up with
a cunning plan to set the alarm on his phone
for about five minutes before the train was
supposed to arrive at his stop. Woke up in
Hastings again, and someone had nicked his
phone..."
(SnowyTheWereRabbit)
* DATE - "It was all going so well... It was a
cousin's wedding in a Chateau in Strasbourg. After
the banquet I somehow peeled off with a lovely
lady guest, and we walked and chatted gaily
throughout the castle grounds - I even managed
to ride one of the wild ponies that were wandering
about, which well impressed her in a Hugh Grant
way.
"When we kissed in the moonlight, it felt
magical. Later, as we approached our hotel, we
were walking hand-in-hand through the medieval
cobbled streets of the old town, heady with
romance and anticipation, and I trod in the
biggest, runniest, dog shit imaginable.
"I subtly tried to scrape it off by doing
humourous Frankenstein/ Hunchback of Notre Dame
impressions, but this only created the
impression that I was a twat, who smelled of
dogshit." (fred zeppelin)
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Follow @b3ta on Twitter. Oh go on.
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Jahled, fred
zeppelin, evilengine, RompaStompa, Fray Brentos,
Turquoise Hexagon Sun, Ghoti Fingers, Turquoise
Hexagon Sun, wakeupandsmellthebacon, Varmint &
BaronMunchausen. Image challenge by Fraser
Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
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TOP TIP:
Disposable contact lenses make an ideal Center
Parcs for amoebas. (drimble)
Posted by: rob@b3ta.com
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