VOL 1214 - May 08, 2013 - How Many Church Members To Change a Light Bulb?

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MAY FUN
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Top Ten Country & Western Songs

10. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed with an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

7. I've missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'

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4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Miss Him

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

2. I've got tears in my ears from lying on my back, cryin' over you

And the Number One Country & Western song is ...

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My A$$ All Day.

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - How Many Church Members To Change a Light Bulb?

HOW MANY CHURCH-MEMBERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?


CHARISMATIC: Only one. Hands already in the air.

PENTECOSTALS: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

PRESBYTERIANS: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

ROMAN CATHOLIC: None. Candles only.

BAPTISTS: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

CHURCH OF CHRIST: Six men. One to authorize the change; two to look up the scriptures to see if it's something Jesus or Paul would approve of; and three to keep the women in submission, i.e. keeping them from giving advice, instructions, or usurping authority over the men.

EPISCOPALIANS: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

METHODISTS : Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved-you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday.
Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

NAZARENE: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

LUTHERANS: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

AMISH: What's a light bulb?

UNITARIANS: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if, in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: None. The lights are on, but no one's home.

MORMONS: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.


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