This Week:
* ZOMBIES - in retroland
* CATS - in festive wrapping
* KUNT - for Xmas #1
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________ ____ __ ___ "We're looking at pics
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | of pretty schoolgirls
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | throwing rocks at the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| police... together"
B3ta online turd no' 456 - 26 Nov 2010
456 is a very pleasing number to type. Try it.
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue456/
Gillian McKeith: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Ben Goldacre: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? You can't have it. It's special.
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Zombies, iPhone and Tories
>> 8-Bit zombies <<
We are trying to think of some kind of clever
joke about being "ate" by the undead, so try
not to get "bit". In the meantime, enjoy
Faceburger's splendid lo-fi zombie outbreak.
http://goo.gl/AFeWX
>> Amazing iPhone stunts <<
"I taped my iPhone to a remote-controlled car
and hit the Record button - enjoy the stunts!"
pipes Philipp Lens, who is clearly MADE OF
MONEY to muck around with his phone like this.
To be honest, he made us want to try it
ourselves. But we'd definitely want to add
some sort of padding before hurling an
expensive bit of kit onto a concrete floor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdErFWzitew
>> Sir Ian Bowler's Final Tape? <<
"This video, just released by the police, was
found in the wreckage of a fire extinguisher
outside Millbank Tower on the 11th November,"
intones Natt, of this secret Tory tape.
http://b3ta.com/links/Sir_Ian_Bowlers_Final_Tape
Oh, also, here's Natt's Spectator article on
#twitterjoketrial. We like Natt - he's an
interesting chap.
http://goo.gl/NEdyX
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: BONUS SPONSORED ADVERTISING
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: KUNT FOR CHRISTMAS NUMBER 1
Let's get the most offensive number 1 ever
B3ta is supporting one track for Christmas
number 1, and one track alone. Though we've
been asked to support at least five so far, we
don't want to split the b3tan vote, so GO TEAM
KUNT!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=106114816120104
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Unusual Talents
Last week we asked for your unusual talents.
Look away now if you can't stand photos of
bendy fingers:
http://b3ta.com/questions/talent/
* "I can get an entire Magnum into my mouth in
one go. Somewhat foolishly, I was once
persuaded to demonstrate this whilst sitting
outside a pub on Canal Street in Manchester
and spent the rest of the afternoon declining
very polite but ultimately unwelcome offers of
companionship." (davywavy)
* "I work with troubled youths. One of my
talents is my unique approach to de-escalating
aggressive kids. One situation involved me
walking into a room with a kid armed with a
kitchen chair standing on a table while two
youth workers tried to talk him down. My
weapon? A cookbook. The suspicious child
inquired as to what the fuck I expected to
accomplish with the book? I proceeded to read
recipes for twenty minutes until the kid said
enough was enough and that he'd get down."
(dazbrilliantwhites)
* "I can see in 3D - so bollocks to you Sony."
(Biff...)
>> This Week's Question: Dad stories <<
Tell us your Dad stories, be they about your
own dads or fatherhood itself.
http://b3ta.com/questions/dad/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Bum covers for dogs <<
The official B3ta wife is often offended by
the site of the offical B3ta cat's ringpiece.
She says, "Can't we make Rocky wear pants?"
Help is finally at hand.
http://goo.gl/TK1Wy
>> Monster Supplies shop <<
Maybe renting shop space is really cheap at
the moment but we're seeing lots of mental
shops popping up at the moment. This one looks
utterly charming and something worth abducting
children for, just to see the delight in their
tiny eyes. (Although the abduction bit might
upset them, so we suggest a rohypnol in their
Happy Meal.)
http://goo.gl/D7mij
>> Anonymous answer phone message music <<
People leave answerphone messages. Music is
made from them. Surprisingly moving. The one
about the suicide of a 13 year old boy made us
stop listening and feel depressed. (The site
can use that as a quote if they want.) Would
be interesting to combine this idea with a bit
of autotuning.
http://onehelloworld.com/
>> Dante's inferno - scientist remix <<
Not the most visually-exciting bit of work,
but stick with it as it explains well, for us
types outside of the scientific community, the
issues that get them riled. BTW: We'd be 6 and
9th levels of hell for our Geography GCSE
coursework.
http://goo.gl/0Dki1
>> Best of Instapaper 2010 <<
iPhone owners! If you're not bored already of
using it to film yourself having a wee (we did
this the other day, drunk, then felt disgusted
with ourselves and the tip of our manhood
creeping in the bottom of the frame, so
deleted it), then you need Instapaper. A cute
little 'read later' app that allows you to
select stories off the web that are too
lengthy to be enjoyed at work (like our penis)
and should be saved for the trip home (again
like our penis, natch.)
http://goo.gl/EBE0l
>> Fake blogger outed <<
Serious business internet stuff, and when
there's an online scrap, B3ta is there to link
away like rubberneckers at a carcrash. We'd
never heard of callgirl and blogger Alexa
DiCarlo until she was outed as a fake and a
man, but we spent a good couple of hours
finding out more.
http://exposeabro-alexa.blogspot.com/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
It sounds a bit Jewish. This makes the title witty.
>> Dog of light <<
Pretty stop-motion animation sees a glowing
dog wander the late-night streets of Oxford,
doing what it is that a dog does best.
http://www.vimeo.com/17087679
>> Defenestration the Movie <<
Defenestration is, of course, the gentle art
of chucking people through windows. Here's a
good five minutes of strangely cathartic
glass-shattering action.
http://vimeo.com/16611269
>> PVC pipe player <<
Guy builds his own instrument out of piping
then does incredible things with it. The
finale is excellent.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D2o8F2MOuI
>> "Dear Richard Dawkins" <<
Dickie Dawkins and chums snigger over some
choice pickings of the great man's hatemail.
Steve Jobs should do the same. Infact everyone
famous should do this.
http://b3ta.com/links/Dear_Richard_Dawkins
>> "Stumpy Strikes Back" <<
Amputee porn with a soft rock soundtrack. VERY
NSFW and a big thanks to Rob for making me
watch this whilst eating my lunch. WARNING.
NSFW. NSFW. NSFW. NSFW. NSFW. NSFW.
NSFW. NSFW. NSFW.
http://vimeo.com/13331173
>> How to wrap a cat <<
Incredibly soppy cat lets himself be covered
in festive wrapping paper - very cute!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jm3dm5J5r0A
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Tron goatse
"Dear b3ta," writes Olly Farrell. "Are ye
aware of the blatant goatse on the new Total
Film?" Wow, that is quite an in-your-face
goatse.
http://yfrog.com/3m35w0j
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Inappropriate Memorabilia
Challenge
Last week we wanted you to invent bad taste
souvenirs.
Your favourites included:
* 9/11 - poignantly-designed executive toy
commemorating the death of thousands (dog day
sunrise)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10256480
* HINDENBURG - famous zeppelin disaster
remembered with a fancy new cologne (Paper 'n
Pencil)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10255799
* DIANA - the People's Princess may be
compost, but she'll never leave our
hearts (drbroon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10255657
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/merch/
>> New challenge: Shakespeare <<
The Royal Shakespeare Theatre is re- opening
after its very expensive refurbishment. Let's
help them celebrate by re-interpreting the
works of Shakespeare, and by 'shopping The
Bard himself, forsooth.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/shakespeare/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* CAT COLLAR BOTTLE OPENER - Skotzmun writes,
"Why not fit one of those magnetic cat-flaps
so your cat has a little magnet round its
neck. The bottle-opener is then firmly held in
place, yet still easy to detach. It will work
- one of our cats has wandered round the
living room with a fork attached to his. Took
a couple of minutes until we could get it off
him 'cos we were laughing at him too much. The
other frequently comes in with various metal
detritus attached... we're hoping he'll find
the ferrous equivalent of a £43 million
Chinese Vase. Oh... and we bought metal food
bowls too. The temptation was just too much.
Dinnertime now resounds to the much loved
"nom-nom-nom-nom-*chlikk* " as the bowl jumps
up to spang the cat in the face. BTW, we do
love our cats... honestly."
* CAT COLLAR BOTTLE OPENER 2 - twiceydrinker
writes, "As students we put one of the
old-style bottle opener rings on our dog's
collar - worked in a similar manner to the one
proposed. Feeding the dog a beer also helps
him to be much more well-behaved and nearer
when you want your next bottle open."
http://goo.gl/vs8Ly
* WORST TATTOO EVER? Ludovic writes, "I
discovered last week that my company had its
security policy upgraded, so we can't click
the tiny URLs, such as goo.gl, that are used
so often in the newsletter. So I tried to find
the original URLs using google. Which lead to
googling 'bear bile tattoo'. Then I jumped
from one image to another, searching for
something really ugly. Well, oddest tattoo
ever, my arse. I find some disgusting things
about the way some asians treat these fluffy
animals. But let me tell you that the tattoo
you have linked to is nothing compared to this
very unbelievable shit (NSFW)"
http://tsmo.pp.fi/kuvat/gr8tattoo.jpg
* B3TAN DOES A BOOK - Scaryduck writes,
"B3ta's deputy QOTW bloke Scaryduck has a new
book out with a not-entirely-genuine foreword
by North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. He claims
it's the Best Thing Ever."
http://tinyurl.com/iamnotmad
* GINGER FUHRER MAKES MISERABLE MUSIC IN THE
MIDDLE OF NIGHT - and we're hiding it at the
bottom as we sort of want a few people to hear
what we're up to, but also don't want to get
the haters screaming, "This is shit! You left
out my brilliant project to link to this shit!
I HATE YOU."
http://robmanuel.posterous.com/width-of-a-womb
* HELP MATAZONE FIND A NETHERLANDIAN ANIMATOR
- Mata writes, "I've got a favour to ask: I'm
looking for a professional Flash animator
based in the Netherlands who could come and
give a talk at my university. These days I
teach games design in Breda, which is in the
south of Holland, and I'm teaching a course
on Flash animation. It would be really good
for my students if they could have a
professional Flash animator come in and give
them a talk for 1-2 hours about their working
life. Tips for animation, finding and dealing
with clients, what their daily routine is,
deadlines, Flash libraries, working in a
studio, sound effects... Anything that they
think would make an interesting talk. People
can contact me on here using this link:"
http://www.b3ta.com/gaz/write/5952
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: FRIDAY GAME
Advanced Pigeon Simulator and Up/Down game
>> Sky rats <<
Apparently this is a real game and there's
strategy and stuff, but we just liked flying
about and making 'coo coo' noises.
http://flylikeabird.bbgames.com/
>> Fuck knows, mentalism <<
Catbrain writes, "Here's a top tip for you:
Creative b3tans: Don't bother contributing
anything you've actually spent time making
yourself for the newsletter.. chances are it
won't get shown, in favour of recycled links
from www.boingboing.net anyway. Me bitter? (Or
maybe my stuff's just shit.)" Hmm, well
digging through Catbrain's work there was some
ad that was okayish but not our bag. However,
we did like their suggestion of featuring this
game, that has a guest appearance of Weebl's
Amazing Horse if you play it long enough.
http://goo.gl/IGwOX
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* WORLD'S BIGGEST PHLEGM BUBBLE - Ours
normally burst on our lips before they reach
an inch, and then dribble down our chin.
* NICK CLEGG ON SUICIDE WATCH - Surely all
this hate is getting to him? He's visibly aged
10 years in 10 weeks.
* WALK AROUND WITH A HUGE PICTURE OF JIMMY
WALES STRAPPED TO YOUR FOREHEAD - and see if
people give you money.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
Badgers: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Wasps: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by
@danielbevis, Too late for the newsletter,
carly291287, Jake-of-all-Trades,
ElectricSpectre, Matt Round, whitebum, Dave!
vandal, djlumpyrulesok, @rsracing, scaryducky,
giftedweasel, @TheoEsc. Top Tippery by leo at
bind. Additional linkage and image challenge
by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via The Great Architect. BTW: Duran
Duran have a new album cover that's
craptacular - they actually paid money for
this? Tee hee. http://goo.gl/8Bs65
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TOP TIP:
When laundering bedding, seal the duvet cover
before washing it to make sure smaller items
don't get trapped inside it and stop it from
drying properly.
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